Chapter 26: Shields
AN: This chapter took awhile because I got sick immediately after finishing chapter 25 (or maybe during writing the final scene of chapter 25, who remembers) and didn't want to write while sick so I took a short break.
Honestly I'm not 100% while writing this chapter (most of the way back though) so hopefully it comes out okay, it's a slower and more thoughtful chapter. Don't want to make any excuses, but if my addled brain happens to miss a couple more typos, or make a few more errors than usual, or doesn't notice the pacing isn't good, or whatever, I apologize.
"
Darien's Apartment, August 12th, 1:13 PM
"Real subtle, by the way," Serena said snidely, pointing over at the long, narrow shelf on the north wall of the living room. The entire platform was supporting a series of trophies, little figurines tinted in gold or silver coloring, tiny placards on the bases indicating what they were for.
"Don't know what you're talking about," Darien replied, spraying a small burst of whipped cream on top of a bowl of strawberries.
"Well, those trophies weren't there when I was here a few months ago," Serena said, sitting back against the backrest of the couch.
"You remember that?" Darien asked. "All the crazy crap that happened that day, and you remember what was on my shelf?"
"No, I don't remember what was on it," Serena replied. "But I do remember that those trophies weren't on it." She shook her head.
"I died for ten minutes, you tried to kill me like...three times, I found out I was hosting a superhuman alter ego, my bedroom turned into a Sailor Scout meeting room for about a half hour, and you remember that?" Darien brought the bowl of strawberries over from the counter. "I don't know, that's kind of weird to me."
"Yeah...that was a nutty day alright," Serena admitted. "But when you work as a Sailor Scout for a few months, you're forced to change yourself in a lot of different ways. I'm more observant now than I was a year ago, I have to be."
Darien sat down next to her, not really paying attention, mind going back to that bizarre day so many months ago. "You ever wonder why anymore?"
"Why what?"
"Why are we...who we are?" Darien asked. "You know, you girls Sailor Scouts, me Tuxedo Mask...did we just win some kind of genetic lottery, did someone pick us specifically, or something else? I know I still want to know."
Serena shrugged. "Yeah, sure, I've thought about it before, of course. We've asked Luna and Artemis about that before, they have these...gaps in their memory, they can't explain the why. They just know what they have to do. I mean, it has something to do with the...Silver Millenium and stuff that happened in the past, but that doesn't tell us why it has to be us. Nobody else we can talk to, so...I try not to worry about it too much."
"I can play blind man however long it takes to beat the negaverse, that's fine, but...one of these days, I need someone or something to open my eyes." Darien picked up the fork from his bowl and slowly put one of the strawberries into his mouth.
"We'll find out one day," Serena said assuredly.
"Oh, and also, those are just the first place trophies," Darien said, pointing at the shelf. "The runner-up ones are in the closet."
"Okay, okay, you're the prettiest," Serena said sarcastically. "My attic at home is full of effort trophies and participation certificates."
"Only because they don't have beauty pageants at your school," Darien replied, pointing at her.
Serena scoffed. "Yeah, because my principal isn't a pedophile." Her eyes went to the right-middle section of the shelf, managing to spot the one thing on the platform that wasn't a trophy. Partially obscured by one of the little statues was a framed picture. She got up, still holding the bowl of fruit in her right hand, and slowly approached it. Darien followed her eyes to what she was looking at.
"Oh. Yeah, I...don't like to take that one down," Darien said quietly.
Serena got up close to the frame so she could see the whole picture. A fairly simple and typical shot of a middle-aged man and woman with a small child in the man's arms. The photograph was obviously quite old, and though the quality of the image wasn't up to par with what she was used to seeing, it was quite clear who the small child in the image was. The three were outside, some trees in the background.
"So...that's you?" Serena asked quietly.
"Yeah," Darien replied. "I've got a couple other pictures, but...I like that one the best."
Serena turned back to look at him. "You, uh...do you remember them at all?"
Darien shook his head. "No. Not a thing. I don't remember what they were like, I don't remember what our relationship was like, I don't remember shit." He put another small piece of fruit into his mouth. "I mean...people have told me they were good people, but nobody says bad stuff about someone after they're dead, so you can't be sure. I never talked to anyone who knew them intimately, so it was all...cliches anyway. He was a doctor, I know that much, so maybe I got my drive to be one from him. Her, I don't really know. Stay-at-home, but I couldn't tell you anything else."
"I'm sorry," she said.
Darien shrugged. "Not ideal, but...it's all in the past now, doesn't matter now."
"Doesn't matter now?" Serena repeated.
"I'm nineteen now, living on my own," Darien said. "I'm on a good path, I feel like I'm going to be something successful in the world. Maybe the route wasn't perfect, but the destination is what matters. If they had lived...I'd still be nineteen now, still probably living on my own, still on a good path, still on my way to being something successful in the world. Sometimes I whine about it, sure, but...you break it down, everything worked out fine." He cleared his throat. "Alright, you wanna...talk about geography or something now?"
Serena thought about bringing up their conversation on stakeout of a few months ago, uneasily moving her tongue around her mouth for a moment. Finally, she nodded.
"Okay. Sure, geography...why not?"
"
Headquarters, August 17th, 11:45 AM
Lita plugged the three jacks into the side of the large television, the other end of the thick cable snaking into a square box on the floor. Mina watched from next to the box, holding up a three-prong plug in her right hand.
"We finally got Mina to pull the trigger!" Lita shouted as Darien walked in through the door of the warehouse.
"What's up?" Darien asked as he quickly made his way over towards Lita.
"She bought a karaoke machine, we're hooking it up now." Lita looked over at Mina. "Plug it in."
Mina bent down and stuck the plug into a wall outlet. A tiny red light on the base of the box blinked to life.
"Thousands of songs," Mina said, watching as Lita powered on the television. "Should be a good time."
"It feels good to have money to spend," Lita said as she configured the TV to work with the machine. "But don't it feel even better to actually spend it?"
Mina nodded. "Yeah, it is pretty nice."
Darien chuckled. "So...do I want to hang around?"
"Hey, be nice," Lita insisted. "Mina's good!"
"Is she good, American Idol good, or thursday-night-at-the-local-pub-after-everyone-had -five-beers good?" Darien asked.
"I guess we'll find out in a few minutes," Mina said, looking over at Darien. "You sing?"
"Not karaoke, but...junior year at high school, I was in the theater group, and we did The Pirates of Penzance. I was Stanley." Darien nodded.
"Wait." Amy spun around from her seat by the desk a few dozen feet away. "You played the Major-General? In front of people?"
"Yeah, I still remember all the songs too," Darien replied, walking over towards Amy.
"Kind of hard to...picture you doing theater," Amy said slowly. "Much less Gilbert and Sullivan."
"Looks good on a college application," Darien explained. "You put academic credibility in front of me, I'll chase it down if I have to break my leg." He looked at the desk, covered with assorted beakers, test tubes, and other assorted chemistry tools. "So how's this going, Bill Nye?"
Amy sighed. "One, don't call me that. And two, not terribly well." She turned back to the array of containers and experiments. "We're running out of time, and I've been unable to break this fluid down into understandable or meaningful components. And it's unclear if that would be enough for me to develop an antidote that we're inevitably going to need."
Darien bent over the table. "Well, let's take a look at what you've done since yesterday, maybe I'll have an idea. Maybe...karaoke later."
The door swung open, admitting Serena and Raye, both carrying plastic grocery bags. Serena looked around, holding her bags up at her sides. "Alright, people, we've got enough chips here to...to..."
"To build H.A.L. 9000?" Raye suggested. Serena looked over at her for a second. "You know, as in...computer chip?"
"Uh...sure, let's go with that," Serena said, going over to the kitchenette counter in the corner. "So yeah, they had a sale, and we shouldn't have to worry about chips for awhile."
"Cool." Darien looked over as Serena and Raye set their supermarket bounties down on the counter. "Me and Amy are gonna try and figure this stuff out, give us a bit."
"Nice." Serena made her way over towards the television, Raye following. "Finally got Mina to pick that thing up?"
"Oh yeah," Lita enthused, handing Mina the small controller. Mina started immediately manipulating it, working through a series of menus that had popped up on the screen. Lita glanced over at Amy and Darien, then back to Serena. "So...how's the tutoring going?"
"Great," Serena replied. "He's a smart guy, knows a lot of different things, I'd say I'm learning things."
"Well yeah, obviously that, I'm talking about...the rest of the experience. Like, you're there for the tutoring, but what about the...everything else?" Lita pried.
"He's been really polite," Serena said. "No insults, no frustrated sighs, nothing. I mean, I'm not gonna call him the perfect gentleman, but he's been great."
Mina looked over from the television screen. "You gonna make your move, or do you need him to put a giant neon sign up on his door first?"
"Hey, I'm not playing that game," Serena said, finality in her voice. "I've got a good thing going, I'm not gonna make it weird by overstepping my bounds. He can make a move."
Raye came up behind her. "Uh, he already did, Serena. He did this move called 'invite you to study sessions several times a week at my apartment'."
"Well, he needs to make another move," Serena whispered. "I'm not going to make myself look like an idiot and ruin our friendship. I...I just need him to be the one who says it."
"Serena, sweetie, you should have heard the things he said about you in Vegas," Lita replied, smirking to herself. "He doesn't just like you, he's not just crazy about you...he admires you. Do yourself a favor and do something. I mean, don't even try to tell me he's not flirting when you two are over there."
"Well, yeah, he is, but...that doesn't mean anything!" Serena insisted. "That's just the kind of guy he is."
"Speaking of the kind of guy he is, Serena, I don't think you can count on him to do all the heavy-lifting. I mean, I don't pretend to know him as well as you do, but he is going to need you to make some kind of real effort for him to feel comfortable." Mina turned back to the television. "I'm not going to tell you what you should do, but you should do something. That's just my take, as an expert—"
"—pervert," Raye corrected quickly.
"...right." Mina tapped a few buttons on the controller. "Okay, let's see what we've got here!"
"
Headquarters, August 17th, 12:08 PM
"So, it doesn't have any meaningful reaction to extreme heat or cold, and it won't respond when you try to mix it with other liquids, acid or base." Darien scratched his head. "I mean, does this stuff even play by the rules that we're working with?"
"That's the thing," Amy muttered. "I mean, this Sailor Scout, Tuxedo Mask stuff we do, it's not science. It's...well, I don't know if it's magic, but it's not any science that humans understand right now. Honestly, if you gave that doctor guy some of your blood, I don't think he'd figure anything out. Probably just look like normal blood to him. So something that negates those powers could be just as...mystical." She rubbed her forehead. "I feel like I'm trying to...play golf with a sledgehammer or something, I'm not even remotely close to where I need to be."
"Hey," Darien said comfortingly. "You're a fourteen-year-old girl trying to solve alien technology, and all you've got is a six-figure grant to do it. You've got no guarantee of a good frame of reference, you don't even know if this is possible. Honestly, if I had to take a guess, I'd say it's probably beyond our grasp for reasons that have nothing to do with your or your capabilities. Don't feel bad."
"No...no, I can get this, I'm sure," Amy insisted. "I've worked with this kind of stuff before, I built an entire radar system based on pulling apart my visor. This...branch of technology, it's very advanced, but it's based off of stuff I understand." She shook her head. "It's...it's my fault, I'm not focused."
"What's the problem?" Darien asked.
"Well, I don't really want to talk about it, but...the negaverse knows who we are now. I'm keeping my concerns quiet, but that's...potentially terrifying." She bit her lower lip.
"Yeah, I've had that same thought," Darien admitted. "They're a mentally tough bunch, I'm sure they can take it."
Amy rubbed the spot between her eyes. "We don't know how far their knowledge goes. I mean, they know where we live, and they used that to find out our names, or at least your name. So, anything's possible. They could find out who our family members are, friends...anything about us, in theory. And that gives them a thousand different ways they could come at us."
"Amy, if this is how you feel, you...gotta tell them. If nothing else, they need to know so they can prepare for what might be coming." Darien turned his head to look at the four other girls. They were gathered around the television, Mina doing a soft rendition of Let's Stay Together, assorted chords coming out of the karaoke machine. "You're right, it could be pretty bad, and it could be coming...any day now, they should know."
"That's the thing, we can't prepare, there's way too much stuff they can do. I'm sure the girls are aware of the problem at least somewhat, I don't want to drive them into a frenzy over it when I don't have a solution." She grimaced. "We just have to hope we can deal with whatever it ends up being. Honestly, just thinking about all the different ways they could get to us...most of it, we couldn't really prepare for even if it was the only thing we were thinking about."
Darien sighed. "Well...have you considered bringing some people into the...circle of trust?"
Amy paused for a second. "I've thought about it, but that's an absolute last resort."
"You're right, they could go after our families. Well, not...mine, but...yeah." Darien frowned. "What if we...informed the families about what we are and what we're doing? I know it's not ideal, but what's the worst that can happen?"
Amy glanced around. "I tell my mother. She freaks out. She calls her sister, tells her. Sister sends over paramedics, thinking my mother's suffering some sort of hallucination. She won't drop it, and I have to reveal that she's telling the truth or watch my mother get sent to an asylum, knowing that it's my fault. Now a group of medical professionals know, and they're not going to keep a secret for our sake. Now the government knows. They try to contain the story by apprehending us. There's a leak. It's plastered all over the evening news. Whole world knows. They want answers that we don't have. Suddenly, we can't even fight the negaverse, because we're spending so much time fighting humankind." She shrugged. "That's the worst I got."
"Yeah, I know, but...maybe we can control the situation to prevent that," Darien suggested.
"It's not controllable," Amy replied. "You can't control a situation where you tell someone that their child has superpowers. At least, you can't count on being able to control it. If it was something along the lines of a...little bump in human evolution, like we could survive two months without food, or could run a three minute mile, sure. But I command water." She paused for a second. "Seventy-two percent of the planet is covered in water. More than half of the human body is made up of water. Think about that. You give me a little bit of time to focus and put me under enough stress, and I could wash an entire coastal city into the ocean with a tsunami. Think about how terrifying that would be to regular people. Even my own parents."
Darien nodded. "Of course, I...get all that. But if it's that or they end up getting caught in the crossfire, I think we need to just cross our fingers."
"Maybe, but as long as the choice is available to me, then I'm always going to choose no. We can't break the masquerade. Society couldn't handle the existence of people like us. And any action we take that might reveal us to society is one we have to very carefully measure."
"Alright. I mean, I get it...I don't have a family, my family...sounds sappy as all hell, but, my family's in this warehouse, fighting alongside me," Darien said slowly. "But I still get it. Knowing that your family is in real danger, and they can't really do anything about it, and you can't even tell them...yeah, terrifying, I get it."
Amy gave a tiny smile. "It is, but I need to focus, come up with something. We might be the only people who can protect them, so we need our powers." She motioned her head towards the girls. "You can go...sing with them if you want."
"I'm helping you," Darien insisted.
"Let me find a...a little bit of a lead first," Amy offered. "I've got nothing right now, so you can't even start to help me. I'll let you know if I get a nibble on anything. Go have fun. And please don't talk to them about this stuff yet."
Darien nodded, then stood up. Turning, he marched over towards the television.
"Okay! They got any Soundgarden on that machine?" he asked.
Lita picked up the remote and brought up the menu. "I think so, but you should totally do Living on a Prayer first."
"Uh, no," Darien said quickly, moving up next to Mina, who handed him the microphone.
"Why not?" Lita asked.
"Because Bon Jovi is a bad musician for bad people," Darien replied quickly.
"Well, obviously," Raye said. "That's why you should do it. It's funny."
"When I want to sing music ironically, I sing Duran Duran or Whitesnake," Darien said. "Speaking of which...how well does this machine cover the eighties?"
"
Darien's Apartment, August 20th, 2:08 PM
"So, if you don't mind me asking, where do your parents think you are right now?" Darien was splayed out on the couch, looking up at the ceiling. Serena was seated on the fat chair, legs crossed underneath her. "And for that matter...where do they think you are practically every afternoon?"
"Oh...volunteering at the hospital or shelter, shopping, friend's house, arcade...pick one. I'm an outgoing person, they know that, they embrace it." Serena nodded.
"You been earning any credit from them with the whole...preparing for the school year angle?" he asked.
"Yeah, but I've been telling them it's with Amy, which is what they're used to," Serena said. "I don't know what would freak papa out more. Me being a superheroine who regularly risks her life to save the world, or me spending afternoons alone with a nineteen-year-old boy in his apartment."
"I met your papa, actually," Darien said, a tiny smirk playing on his face. "In the hospital."
"Well, then you met him at a bad time," Serena said. "God knows he was looking for somebody to burn."
"Yeah, it wasn't pleasant," Darien admitted. "I guess I can't blame him, though." He was silent for several seconds, thinking. "Hey, Serena."
"Hm?" Serena looked over at him.
"Three biggest fears?" he asked.
Serena smiled, crossing her arms over her chest. "I guess it's only fair." She sighed deeply. "Don't tell Lita. Thunder."
"Now that's just funny," Darien mused.
"Don't tell her, please," Serena reiterated. "Uh...that's third, I guess. Second would be...I suppose spiders. Can't stand them."
"Common," Darien commented.
"I mean, I know there's a few in this room right now, somewhere...if I think about that for too long it'll drive me nuts." She shivered. "Anyway, number one...losing the people I love and care about. That's...pretty horrifying to think about."
"Sensible." Darien vaulted into a standing position. "Give me a second." He quickly strolled down the small hallway on the other side of the room.
The smile immediately faded from Serena's lips the moment Darien was out of the room. She bit the inside of her cheek.
"Come on, Serena," she whispered to herself. "Just do it."
Her mind had been on the advice of Lita, Raye and Mina the last few days, and she had decided that today was going to be the day. She knew what she was going to ask, and she knew where to guide the conversation, she just had to work up the courage to get it out.
That courage had been lacking for a few hours now.
But it wasn't going to get any easier.
A minute later, Darien emerged from the restroom, coming back down the hall. "Okay, Serena, you...you wanna do some math stuff? I know you don't want to, and that's fine, but at some point you'll probably have to—"
"Darien," Serena interrupted. "I wanna ask you something." Slowly, she stood up, looking at him. "It's important, so please be honest and open with me." She approached him.
Darien quickly straightened up. "Sure."
"Alright." Serena swallowed down hard. "Darien. What was it like at the orphanage?"
Darien stared at her, a tiny smile frozen on his face, obviously surprised by the question. After a few seconds, he shook it off. "Sorry?"
"What was it like at the orphanage?" she repeated. "Really. What was it like?"
Darien blinked a couple times, then casually leaned up against the wall. "Big. Most of the building was brown. Everything very strictly scheduled—"
"How did you enjoy your time there?" Serena asked. "How was it for you personally?"
Darien paused again, carefully measuring his answer as he glanced around the room. "Um, I don't know. I got nothing to compare it to. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not, and I got out of there over a year ago, that's all I can tell you. I could say good things about it, or I could complain about it, but it doesn't really matter because I don't know anything else."
Serena sighed. "Safe Haven Orphanage," she said quietly, not taking her eyes off Darien.
"Yeah, that's the name," Darien replied. "Did I...tell you at some point?"
"It's on the placard on some of your trophies," Serena said quickly.
"Right." Darien rolled his eyes. "What about it?"
"It's closed down, because they couldn't find a director when the old one left out of the blue," Serena said. "I did a bit of a research these last few days."
Darien glanced around awkwardly. "Well, maybe you should focus those efforts on school—"
"The old director. Dominic Murphy. Retired unexpectedly eight months ago, left the country, and they had to shut down because nobody wanted the position," Serena continued.
"Yeah, I know, I heard," Darien said. "What's your point?"
"I read a couple articles about it. Seemed like some people were pretty unhappy about it, including the government. Certainly weren't expecting it. They depended on the orphanage's services. Also sounded like Murphy was about to fall under some heat for some reason, probably why he quickly fled the country. And then nobody takes the position, which makes me think people thought it was toxic, and the heat Murphy was about to take had something to do with the way he ran the orphanage."
Darien gave a tiny laugh. "Y'know...some people might tell you to mind your own business."
"Are you some people?" Serena asked seriously.
Darien licked his lips, looking almost amused that Serena had decided to play detective on his past so thoroughly. "No. That information is public domain, you can look it up all you want if it makes you happy."
"So, Darien. Did Director Murphy flee the country to get away from a few hundred young adults who might have a reason to dislike him?" Serena asked.
Darien thought for several seconds, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You really want to do this, Serena?" he asked.
"Yes, Darien." Serena nodded. "I do."
"Okay." Darien looked up at the white ceiling. "Yeah. Director Murphy wasn't a great guy, and a vast majority of the kids who passed through probably didn't come away with a positive impression of him. I don't know if that's why he ran off, but yeah."
"Keep going," Serena goaded.
"And the orphanage...yeah, okay, it sucks. You barely get attention, there are nearly a hundred other kids...just another brick in the wall. The employees can take months to put your name to your face, some of them don't even care enough to do that. It's a business, okay? A business with three players. Government, orphanage, kids. The government pays the orphanage so they can take care of the kids and pay the employees, the orphanage gets the kids through childhood healthy and educated enough to have a life, and the kids get to grow up, join the workforce, and become taxpayers. We all benefit, but it's sterile and cold. So...there. It's functional, but it's not fun."
Serena pursed her lips.
Darien hesitated. "That's really about it. Look, I don't even want to get into it too much. The guy was the ultimate authority figure for...hundreds of kids over the years, I don't fault him for not being the nicest person. I mean, we, collectively, probably were responsible for driving him to the liquor cabinet a few hundred times. So he was a hardass, there's probably no other way for him to be." He cleared his throat. "And the orphanage wasn't great, but...the people who worked there, dealing with all those different kids...who has time to really get to know any of them? And I can bitch about it, but at the end of the day, I got out of there in position to achieve my dream of becoming a doctor, so what do I have to complain about?" Darien shrugged.
"Darien, stop it," Serena said sternly. She looked back up at him. "You can get away saying that sort of thing with most people, but not me. I know you want me to forget it, but I remember what you said that night on stakeout, okay?"
Darien shook his head and put his hands up in front of him defensively. "Serena, that was just...emotions running high that night—"
"But you meant what you said," Serena interrupted. "You wouldn't have said it otherwise. So...just stop trying to hide things. Darien, what else is there?"
Darien sighed, looking around the room, then gave a tiny smile. "Okay. I guess I did say I'd be open. So...those articles you read, I guess they didn't say anything outright?"
"No." Serena looked straight up at his face. "But I have guesses."
"Well...your first one is probably right, but...don't make it out to be bigger than it is." He swallowed. "It was rare...once a month on average I'd say, and that's being generous, he might...get a little violent."
Serena sighed mournfully, averting her gaze and closing her eyes.
"Hey, hey, don't make it a bigger deal than it needs to be!" Darien insisted. "I mean, it's not okay, but keep perspective. He's got almost a hundred kids in there with him, most of whom are automatically inclined to hate him, and he'd cross the line maybe once a month!"
"I don't care if it's once a century," Serena said, turning back to him. "You don't need to defend him, he's not even here. It's not acceptable, I don't care what the circumstances are, nobody should have to deal with that."
"Yeah, it's not okay, that's what I said, but...honestly, a good number of the kids who passed through Safe Haven under his watch never had to deal with it once. It wasn't about him being...evil or sadistic or anything like that." Darien shrugged.
"A good number of the kids," Serena repeated. "Not you, though."
Darien slowly shook his head. "No. Not me."
"And...more than once?" Serena continued.
"Yeah."
"How'd he get away with it?" she asked.
Darien shrugged. "I don't know, he ran a pretty tight ship. Pretty good at keeping things close to the chest. Like I said, a good few of the kids didn't even know it was happening, and the ones that did just tried to stay out of his way. Maybe he knew people. I was a kid, never figured it out."
"You never tried to talk to anyone about it?" she questioned. "Tried to get out?"
"Who would I talk to?" Darien asked. "His employees? I know that you've probably seen a million commercials and heard a thousand P. about how there's...always a way out and you should go get help, blah blah blah, but...trust me, it doesn't really seem like that when you're on the inside. Especially when it's the only thing you've known."
"How many times did it happen to you?"
Darien looked down at Serena, who kept on staring at him. "What, do you want a count? I...I didn't count."
Serena didn't drop her gaze, Darien finally faltering underneath it after a few seconds.
"Alright. First, before you start imagining something terrible...most of the time, it was just a belt. Honestly, pretty borderline between discipline and abuse, you could argue it either way." Darien sighed again. "Ninety-four."
Serena couldn't help but recoil slightly. "B-but you...you said—"
"What I said was true," Darien said quickly. "I was there a little short of twelve years...I'd say it happened once a month on average...and most of the time it was me."
Serena looked around, blinking rapidly. "Why?"
Darien gave a tiny chuckle. "I wanted it to be."
Serena was highly confused, staring up at Darien with a frown.
"Here's the thing, Serena," Darien explained. "It wasn't anything a kid would do. When we did something bad, yeah, he'd get pissed off, but he'd punish you in a constructive and...honestly, fair way. He was a dick, but I can't fault him for any of that. His...his more violent actions came from his own personal life. It had nothing to do with what we did. Every now and then, something would happen with...who knows. Siblings, his real children, wife, parents, whatever. Something that had nothing to do with the orphanage. So, when that happened, he'd...go look for someone to take it out on. You could always kind of feel when it was happening, and whenever I could, I'd...go provoke him."
Serena closed her eyes, biting her lower lip.
"Don't ask me why I did it, I don't know. I couldn't help myself. I didn't get along with the other kids in the orphanage, but...when it got down to it, I always felt that if he was taking it out on me, it meant he wasn't taking it out on someone else. And I wanted that. I don't know why, but I did it every time I could." He stood back up from the wall. "There. Straight out of a crappy television movie or a sappy sitcom special. Happy?"
"My God," Serena muttered, looking down at the ground. "Darien, I...I'm really sorry."
"Don't waste your sorries," he replied. "It's over now, it doesn't matter now, I haven't seen that place in over a year, I don't care. There are probably ten million kids in the world right now who have to go through worse anyway, no need to be a pussy about it."
"Darien, if I had...any idea that you were coming from this, I...oh, Darien, God, I'm sorry." She blinked rapidly for a second. "It's—"
"What?" Darien smirked. "I get a free pass now? I've got an excuse for being a dickhead? Inability to trust my primary caregiver growing up means I can't establish healthy relationships with others? Yeah, that's what Doctor Phil tells me."
"Darien—"
"Look. If that story helps some college kids get their psychology degrees, good for them. World needs more psyche majors, Lord knows." He rolled his eyes. "But it's bull. There's no excuse for being an asshole, and that's what I was for a long time, and I have to own that. Period. I'm not gonna hide behind something in my past to excuse that. I'm telling you all this because you kept asking, I'm not trying to justify the way I used to be. I'm not making excuses." He shook his head. "Alright, that's really all I can say. Now you really know Darien Shields." He clapped his hands together. "So, algebra—"
"Darien, stop," Serena said, looking up at him and putting her hand out towards him. "You ever talk to anyone about this?"
Darien shook his head. "No."
"Not a shrink, not...not Andrew—"
Darien couldn't quite suppress a laugh. "Andrew? Yeah, I'm...I'm gonna tell Andrew about this, really. Yeah, that'd be great. And no, I don't do shrinks. What are they gonna do?"
Serena swallowed down hard. "Sometimes it's...healthy just to talk about it."
"Yeah, and listen to them give me canned responses that I could read out of a hundred books at the library? Pass."
"This is the first time you've ever talked about this...and now you want to talk about algebra?" Serena didn't drop her gaze, taking a step towards him. "Darien. You really need to stop trying so hard."
Darien wouldn't stop giving a small smirk, looking almost amused by the conversation. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You need to stop trying to be...strong." Serena insisted. "Look at me, Darien." She stopped right in front of him, looking up at him. "Now...I don't know much about this sort of thing. You could argue I don't know anything about it, so...maybe I should just shut up, but...I feel pretty confident about a couple things. You don't let this stuff out for the first time without feeling some pretty intense emotions, repressed or otherwise."
Darien licked his lips, folding his arms over his chest again. "Serena, it's...not a big deal, let's just get back to the reason why you're here. I invited you here to tutor you and that's what I'm going to do."
"Darien. If...if I had known about this back when...when we first met, I swear I...I would have done things differently—"
Darien held his hand up towards her. "Don't. Don't, okay? Don't...do that to yourself, it's completely unfair to you."
"Maybe," Serena agreed. "But it's the truth. Now. I know you probably don't want to. It's not going to be fun." She reached forward and pulled a crinkle out of the front of his white t-shirt. "But...I want you to talk about it."
Darien raised an eyebrow. "We...we just did, Serena. I told you everything, I swear."
"Yeah, you told me what happened. But you haven't talked about it," Serena said quietly.
Darien grinned slightly. "Uh...yeah, I did, for like...what, fifteen minutes now?"
"No you haven't," Serena insisted. "I understand that you're not interested in a psychologist labelling you, but...you need to really talk about this to someone." She looked up at him. "And I would really like you to talk to me about it, right now."
Darien pushed himself back up off the wall and stepped around her. "Serena, I...I don't know what you're looking for. I'm not going to say I enjoyed it, but it doesn't matter now. I'm here now, that's what matters, the past is the past. I got nothing else to say about it."
"You can't fool me with that, Darien!" Serena said, turning around and approaching him as he moved over towards the couch. "It does matter now, I can see it in the things you've said! And that's okay, and it's okay to talk about it!"
Darien wasn't smiling anymore. He looked rather annoyed. He put his hand out towards Serena. "Okay, Serena, that's...that's enough."
"You think you...you always have to be strong, but you don't!" Serena continued, ignoring his attempts to get her to stop. "It's okay to be weak sometimes, everyone gets to be weak sometimes! It's okay to talk about it, you can be weak sometimes without being a weak person!"
Darien sighed. "Yes, it's okay to talk about it. And we just did talk about it, so—"
"No, Darien. You didn't talk about it. You've never talked about it, and you need to! What you are, the way you've been, it's not your fault, and you need to talk about it so you can accept that!"
Darien grimaced, nostrils flaring. "Serena. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you, knock it off. You're starting to...be a bit much. I've told you way more than I should already, so—"
"It's...it's okay to be angry, Darien, it is! Angry at...what you didn't get to have, what you had to deal with, it's okay! It's okay to...to be upset, it's healthy, it's normal, it's human!"
Serena went up to Darien and grabbed his arms. Reflexively, Darien shoved her back, putting his hands up by the sides of his head, practically seething now.
Darien's face twitched for a few seconds, and then he closed his eyes. "Okay, okay...sorry I pushed you, but...I want you to leave now!"
"I'm not leaving," Serena said simply, looking up at him.
"Serena, I would really like you to leave now!" he said, eyes still closed, face turning red. "It's...it's fine, you can come back tomorrow, everything will be fine, I'll help you with any school stuff you want, fine! But...please leave!"
"Darien. Open your eyes," Serena asked.
Darien didn't comply, panting with anger, hands still up by the sides of his head.
"Darien."
Finally, he opened them, finding her just a step in front of him, craning his head down to look at her.
"Please, Darien," she begged. "It's okay to talk about it."
Darien was shaking with anger. "Serena, I—"
"It's okay."
Darien looked around for a couple seconds, Serena not faltering in the slightest as she stood beneath him.
Finally, it happened.
He stopped shaking. The wrinkles in his forehead faded, and his slightly narrowed eyes went wide and started to shimmer slightly. He blinked a couple times to little effect. His mouth, curved into a scowl, gradually gave way to a miserable little frown. He looked back down at Serena for a split-second, then reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Serena just stood there.
Finally, Darien put both of his large hands up to cover his face, a last resort effort to hide his emotional reaction, perhaps.
If so, it failed miserably.
He started sobbing, quite loudly, his hands doing nothing to hide it. Serena stood there, watching him slowly break down.
After a couple of seconds, Serena reached up, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and pulled him down slightly. He pulled his hands off his face and wrapped his arms around her back as he eased his face down into her shoulder. It was a fairly awkward position given the height and size difference, but neither of them cared.
He dropped to his knees after several seconds, Serena cradling him down to the ground.
He wasn't done crying.
He was a long way from being done crying.