The Value of Heroes

Chapter 26: Missing Punchlines

-The Abandoned Factory-

(24 Hours Before Doomsday)

Robin had been staring at the super computer for so long his eyes were starting to hurt. A small frown etching on his face the boy let out a small sigh and fingered his chin.

In the large tanks to his left and right were millions of harmless looking specs that would soon signal the end of all things. For the moment though the sea of microscope nanobots remained dormant; glowing softly as they caught the back light of the computer. There was a strange beauty to them as they swam like jellyfish in the empty black. Even now it was hard to imagine that behind that glass and the unassuming mass of liquid was a nightmare from which the world would never awake from.

"Hmm." He sighed tilting his head from one direction to the other. "That won't work either," The boy murmured out loud.

A few minutes of silence passed before he finally let out a frustrated huff.

So far he still couldn't find a way around the mental dead end he had come across.

The small leak he had surgically punctured on the tank's compressor had allowed for the disease to spread into the air vents for two days now and still no one had discovered it. Though it wouldn't matter now even if someone did.

Just one day and Slade was going to die from the same nanotechnology he tried to use to make Robin subservient the first time.

Poetic justice at it's finest.

But... it still wasn't quite perfect yet.

Joker had immunity to most forms of toxins and Slade's healing abilities were far beyond that of a normal human's. It was the only logical explanation as to why the villain never managed to stay dead for long.

Still Robin had to find a way to make sure neither one of them got up this time or there wouldn't be much point to anything he had worked so hard to accomplish these last few days.

Now if he was just looking for a way around poisons, he knew a slender red head down in Gotham that was more than capable of fitting the bill. But there were several good reasons not to keep Poison Ivy any closer than arm's length. Just like her name suggested she could be deadly to people of his gender, and they had quite a rocky relationship to mend despite him switching sides. He doubted she'd help him no matter how nicely he asked.

Besides he reasoned the robots and man-made chemistry that CP9 was composed of probably wouldn't interest her and her botany. But if Poison Ivy was out of the picture who else did he know that would do the trick?

Chemo?

No.

Madam Rouge?

Nah.

Then it hit him.

The Brain.

If there was anyone in Jump City who could offer him some insight into the plans he needed, it would be the Brain. But thanks to the Titans' valiant efforts bringing down the Brotherhood of Evil half a year earlier the Brain was no longer a active player in the Game of Life.

"Che, and we're back where we started." He muttered kicking up a small dust cloud.

Shoving his hands in his pockets the Boy Wonder decided that maybe a change of atmosphere would offer some illumination on his dilemma. After all he didn't want to seem obsessed now did he?

Casually stepping into the main warehouse Robin didn't see any signs of the Joker or Slade. In fact the only sign of life around him took form in Lou and Bud; the Joker's two hyenas recently moved here from Gotham by Harley Quinn's request. At the moment the animals were making themselves at home as they finished shredding apart the contents of an opened crate. Packing paper and wood splinters carpeted the floor and ceiling like confetti as the hyenas indulged in their satisfied crunching.

But the two quickly sensed Robin's presence and Harley's "babies" didn't seem too happy to see him. The animals knew when they were in the presence of a more dangerous predator, and despite their fierce nature the hyenas backed away from the boy immediately. Tails and ears flattened the pair let out small defiant growls as they inched themselves as far into the back corner as possible. It was obvious that their weak yips were nothing more but the feeble attempt to hide how scared they were of the boy.

Smiling ever so slightly Robin walked past, watching them out of the corner of his eye as they cowered and shrank.

They were smart to know their place in the food chain, and more importantly what would happen to them if they crossed him.

Such a shame though, Robin vaguely remembered. He used to be such an animal lover.

Continuing up the stairs Robin lulled over the girl who considered herself the Joker's Moll.

Harley Quinn was hands down probably the perfect henchman.

Love tied her to the Joker and made her helpless to his charms. And in the public's eye her mask of playfulness almost blinded the amateurs to how unpredictable and dangerous she really was.

According to Batman at least.

As far as twisted evil criminal minds go Robin was pretty sure Harley Quinn was on the shallow end of that dream pool. Once upon a time she might have been brilliant, but now as far as Robin was concerned if Webster had a picture next to the term ding bat she'd be on it.

But still she served a purpose. After all there was something very useful about people who could be as easily manipulated as Harley.

The boy found her in one of the women worker dorms.

She didn't sense his presence from the darkness. Instead the blond bombshell had found two old dolls lying on the toy factory floor and was content to bash the two dolls' together in a mock fight. Watching her crash the toys into one another Robin found it hard to believe the woman had once been a renowned criminal psychologist. Harley was so engrossed in her game of pretend that she didn't even notice the boy inch close enough to touch her face.

"Hey Harl, do you have a minute?" Robin asked affectionately as he appeared out of nowhere, tapping her on the shoulder.

"YIIIIII!" The girl shrieked instantly gagging on the wad of bubble gum she had been smacking around her lips; completely taken by surprise. Coughing and hacking as the gum slid down the wrong tube Harley spilled out on the floor. It took a few seconds of flailing around like a dying fish before she successful managed to spit it back out.

Stepping out of the way before the pink saliva filled wad made it's way on to his shoes Robin moved back an inch just as the girl's hands clasped around his shoulders and she proceeded to shake him angrily.

"Criminy Tweety Bird!" The girl snarled as she fought to choke out words and breathe at the same time, "Didn't you ever learn how to knock?" Finished reaming him she released him and placed a hand on her heart before rasping, "That's the second time I almost got whacked off Wrigley style. What is it with you and B-man anyways?"

"Sorry about that Zippy, old habits die hard." Robin grinned giving her a few helpful whacks on the back since she still sounded like she had swallowed a frog.

"You're just lucky I left my bazooka in my other purse or else you'd be wearing your spleen for a neck tie." Harley frowned before plopping down on a nearby crate. Slightly curious that the boy would want to come to her for anything she asked, "So whatcha want to talk about?"

"Can I ask you a question? I'm sort of stuck in a rut." Robin asked leaning on the wall next to her. Pausing for a second he held his hands out and rationalized, "This might seem random but humor me. I just realized that besides the Joker, you and Poison Ivy have quite a good relationship."

"Sure, everyone knows that." Quinn replied eagerly as she tilted back and forth on the crate, "Red's a good slice of alright. She and I go together like napalm and pie dough!" Brow furrowing she stared at him like he was stupid, "Why do you care?"

Brushing it off Robin shrugged, "Just idle curiosity."

"So how did you survive living with her all that time?" The boy continued as he slid back into detective mode, "I haven't been in Gotham for a while but the last time I checked her favorite hideouts still involved nuclear hot spots and toxic ooze. And as far as I know no one's thrown you into a vat of chemicals."

"Boy I wish, y'know." Harley sighed rubbing her arm in bad memory, "Instead all I got was shots." Making a face she moaned, "And I have a real thing about shots. Especially those big ones that look like they belong in a gag shop!"

But with a clownish shrug she tried to brush the ordeal off, "But that's what I got. Red didn't tell me what was in it, I didn't ask but whatever it was did the trick. Toxic junk hasn't bothered me since."

"You're immune too then." Robin said quietly under his breath. Fingering his chin he lost himself in thought, as another tidbit just added to his list of problems. "Hmm, now thing's are really complicated."

"Yeesh, stop if it starts to hurt kid." Harley joked as she watched the gears turn in the boy's head, not sure why he suddenly got so serious.

"One last question Quinn, and then I'll let you go back to your death match." Robin said glancing at the discarded dolls. "Joker's smart, but recently your little toys haven't been fitting his M.O." Eyes narrowing he asked, "They aren't Slade's or Lex Luthor's either. So tell me, where'd you steal them? "

"Hey, I resent that remark thank you very much!" Harley huffed crossing her legs and arms in a forceful pout. "Mr. J's a genius. Besides are you really suggesting that my Puddin would do something like steal the work of other hard working super villains?"

"That's exactly what I'm implying." Robin said with a smile as he inched closer to her, "And I want you to tell me how you do it, because I want to steal something from the Brain."

"Oh, is that all?" Harley chuckled patting him on the head now that his good intentions had been made clear, "Ah Robbie you're so cute when you're being sneaky." Bringing out a handkerchief she forced back a sob, "Y'know, these are the moments that make a girl glad she started terrorizing the public!" Blowing her weight in boogers into the linen rag the clown girl exclaimed, "I'm just so darn proud!"

"C'mon Harley, you can give me a gold star later." Robin scoffed brushing her off. "So let's hear it."

"Oh alright. Party pooper." Quinn scowled as she was forced to stop the dramatic wailing. Folding her hands she cleared her throat and paused for dramatic effect. Then once the suspense had been set she replied, "Try the Jump City Special Crimes Dangerous Evidence Vault."

Eyes widening Robin realized it was too easy.

Reached forward he grabbed her by the shoulders and exclaimed, "Harley, I could kiss you! Of course. I can't believe I didn't think of it myself." Fingering his chin his mind was reeling with the evil possibilities, "Who needs to steal from the bad guys themselves, when you can just steal their technology from the evidence room later? That's the last place the cops would ever suspect to catch a costumed villain."

"Oh yeah, most of the crooks in Gotham have been looting the vault for years." Harley chimed in, "And you never know what kind of goodies you can find. Last time we hit the joint me and Red found all sort's of things."

Putting a finger to her mouth she quirked, "Huh. Y'know we also found a pair of Riddler's exploding boxers." Sliding a hand on her hips she smirked, "That one was a little too Looney Toons even for me. I really think Eddy needs a girlfriend."

"Funny, I always figured him for briefs." Robin chuckled getting up and turning his back on the girl. "Thanks for the tips, Harl. You've been a big help."

"Hey kid, wait a second!" Harley called stopping him before he could leave. Glancing over his shoulder the darkness of the hall washed out most of his features but Harley could see his eyes burning through the black like candlelight.

The blonde took a deep breath and almost seemed apprehensive as she asked,"Well, I just wanna know, d-did you mean what you said to Slade back there?"

Fidgeting she paused, "You know, about whacking off Bruce Wayne I mean."

"And what do you care what happens to Bruce Wayne?" Robin asked his voice getting darker.

And in a single second the boy she had been making underwear jokes with was gone. Replaced by the monster who only looked like a teenager, the same cold and dark fiend that made her more uncomfortable than any bout of insanity that came out of Mr. J.

Faltering she was quickly losing her nerve. "It's just, you know, a couple years ago in Arkham, I was honestly trying to go legit. Get my head on straight... and nobody was willing to give me a shot. Except your boy billionaire there, he convinced the board to give me parole when no one else would've."

"And in the end you turned out to be just another villain made possible by a grant from the Wayne Foundation." Robin sighed before his voice hardened.

"Yeah, that's right. Bruce does act as a layman member of Arkham's medical commission every now and again." The boy said replied tonelessly, "So what? I could be a medical commissioner too if my father was Thomas Wayne."

"Ah c'mon now, Robbie. That's a little harsh don'tcha think?" Harley said with a nervous smile now that Robin seemed downright dangerous. "I mean sure, so he's a spoiled rich boy who ain't never had no real problems. But he's still the closest thing to a pop you've had over the years." Giving him a hard look she asked, "I mean you don't really want to kill him... d-do you?"

Robin was silent for a few seconds.

It was things like this that made the poor intern gone insane henchwench strangely likeable. Despite everything Harley had done to him over the the years, Robin doubted he could hate her even if he was still capable of that emotion. Sure it had been her little trick that had force fed him the drug that had turned him into a whack job himself, but at her core Harley Quinn still remained slightly innocent.

She would forever be more the tragic victim of abuse then a criminal mastermind.

Sure she hurt people, and her hands certainly weren't clean but even in his current state of mind Robin just couldn't put her on the same level as people like the Joker or Poison Ivy.

It was almost too funny, to think that the Joker's right hand girl was trying to stand up for Bruce.

So he laughed.

Unlike Joker this laugh wasn't trademarked evil nor twisted enough to cripple someone into a sweat induced tremble. But it was more than enough to have the same effect on Harley. There was something about the way the boy was staring down at her. His dead soulless eyes that could burn like hell fire, mocking her with his soft angelic laugh and boyish smile. All of it was more frightening than anything you could pull out of a horror movie.

"I think I missed the joke, " Harley stammered trying sound more courageous then she felt. "What's so funny?"

"You." Robin said sweetly taking a step towards her, "But you didn't miss the joke, Zippy. You missed the punchline."

In a matter of seconds he had taken her by the throat, shoving her off the crate and using the force behind it to slam her into the wall. Letting out a weak ragged gasp for air Harley was crushed hard into the cement behind her.

"Harley," Robin chided as if he was berating a small child, "In two days Joker and Slade are going to eradicate three cities to the ground." Jabbing a finger into the girl's ribcage he added, "Do you really think that your precious Puddin will spare pretty little Poison Ivy or anyone else if you ask him nicely?" Eyes narrowing he shook his head, "It doesn't work that way, kid. In two days Gotham, Jump City and Metropolis are going to be wiped off the map." He said whispering in her ear, "Poof. Dust."

Tightening his grip he breathed, "So before you ask me if I'm serious, I think you should turn that question on yourself. Because this time Harl, it's not a joke."

Disgusted with her he let her go, watching her fall like a bag of sand to the floor.

Harley gagged and heaved for air as she fought the urge to wretch. "You know you may be off your rocker but you're no fun anymore, kid." She whispered clutching her throat.

Taking a single step towards her Robin took out a small flash of silver and Harley immediately cringed at the thought of a knife or worse coming her way. Instead it was nothing more than a small silver syringe that the boy harmlessly threw at her feet.

"Maybe you're right, Harl. I probably should lighten up." He agreed. Casually cupping her chin with all the grace of a devil the boy met her gaze, "So let's play a little game. That ought to make things fun again." Dramatically he announced, "It's called: Shut up and do what I say, or you'll really regret it later."

Cracking his knuckles he looked down at the woman, "And here are the rules. Rule Number One: pick that up."

Gulping Harley reached a quivering hand out for the syringe.

"Good girl." Robin said gently patting her head, "You see I need you to do something for me the next time you see Batman. So here's Rule Number Two. And listen and listen good Harl, after all your life pretty much depends on it."

-Gotham City Marina-

(The Present)

"Harley...?"

"HARLEY!"

"HEY STUPID! LOOK ALIVE!"

Whirling out of her thoughts Harley looked up to see the Joker's face hoovering inches from her own. "S-sorry Mr. J!" The girl exclaimed as she resumed feeding a giant ammunition belt into Joker's machine gun. "I got a little sidetracked."

"Fine, whatever." The Joker huffed completely oblivious to Harley's strange behavior and her trembling hands, "Just go check on the old hag in the back."

"'You got it boss," Harley squeaked quickly putting the syringe Robin had given her into her boot for safe keeping, "Anything you say! See this is me checking on the old hag." She stuttered making a run for Dr. Thompkins.

A shadow suddenly passed over the moon causing the clown to look up as the sleek, streamline figure of the Bat Jet began its decent towards him. His beaded eyes glittering with anticipation Joker could barely contain himself as Batman inched ever closer.

"Oh Bat's, it's been nine years in the making but at last it's time for the final curtain call!" The Clown Prince of Gotham belted in glee, "And I'm gonna make sure you and this city melt like a grilled cheese sandwich! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

To be continued...