He woke me up with a kiss, softly whispering about going for a run, and clicked on his mask and off he went.

I jumped into the shower and got ready for the day. Leaving to grab coffee, But Ana stopped me on my way.

" we need to talk now" she angrily said.

" okay ..." I said cautiously.

We walked to Winston's room. And once entering she slammed the door.

" Fareeha contacted me. " she said bluntly.

" and?"

" she's being followed. She wants to join us but she is worried about John and Meera, I never wanted her to join. It was never my intention but that girl is headstrong. "

" like someone else we know" chuckled Winston.

I laughed softly.

" and you... you need to make a decision as to what you would like to do with your child. Meera is more than happy to care for him. But she wants to know what the plan is. Because she can come here with Fareeha and John. You can meet him and we can find another place for them to hide. However I'm worried. "Said Ana her voice had a slight shake in it.

" there is no doubt in my mind I only want what is best for him. But I don't know what is" i admitted, looking down.

Winston looked up. " if you want Ana and you can go out to them and escort them to a safer location. " he said.

" I don't know how i feel about that" I said.

" what do you have in mind?" He asked

" I don't know yet. I wish I did"

My voice was tired sounding, I just started medicating jack I didn't want to drop this on him.

" Fareeha can be here by tonight" said Ana. " knowing her she is probably on her way already despite what I said. But she wants to pull the eyes off Meera and John. "

I nodded my heart started pounding. I didn't know what to do honestly. I needed to tell him. Despite my holding back.

" I need some time. Please. Just. Give me till tonight. " I said softly. I got up as they nodded at me.

I left the room and went to my office. I closed the doors and let my emotions freely out. Everything hurt. I wasn't ready I wasn't ready. He wasn't ready but something needed to be done.

This would be harder than giving him up in the first place. I don't know what to expect. It's not like we would be this little happy family , living in a cabin and telling him bedtime stories. This wasn't the life jack and I had ever discussed other than in fantasy. He was a soldier and he left his life on a farm for a reason. He wanted to serve a purpose and I don't think fatherhood was exactly on his top list.

Hours had passed and Ana knocked on my door. I let her in.

" Fareeha will be here soon " she said with a slight smile.

I smiled back. I had missed her. She was so headstrong. We had all watched her grow up in and out of overwatch. I never knew how Ana handled it. But I guess she didn't know either.

"You know... I've had my fair share of motherhood decisions. But I think you made the right choice. Your work is important " said Ana.

I nodded.

" but don't think that I haven't regretted my decisions. " she added. Her eyes looked far away.

" what did you need to speak to me about?" She asked

" I'm I don't know if he is ready" I said my eyes filling with tears.

" my dear... He helped make him, He can have a say. I know he has been gone for years,And has changed but he is still very much the same person...he cares about you so much, However how you plan to go about this is your own decision. "

I sighed,She was right. He was ours but at the same time he was also mine to bear.

My heart ached.

" I just. I don't know what to do"

A frustrated grunt came out.

" my dear. When I had Fareeha he knew. And we agreed to keep working together and just ignoring the fact that it would eventually change us " said Ana carefully. I had never heard her talk about Fareeha's father before. As a matter of fact. I had no idea who he was.

" ah. I see you didn't know. We kept it that way,We used to be lovers but everything changed after a while. Not because we didn't love each other but because our paths were so motivated... I still love him but not exactly romantically. " said Ana carefully.

Wait... She worked with him... At overwatch ?!

" can I ask who?!" This information was interesting.

" my dear. You know him well. That's all I will say" she said with a smile.

I had treated Fareeha before but I never really thought about anything involving a father. It couldn't be... Reinhardt?

She sighed with a smile.

" needless to say everything can either work out. Or it won't and you need to accept that. " she said straightening up.

I smiled and thanked her. As she left my office I spun in my chair.

I looked over jacks chart, and debated upping his dosage already. The advances we had made in psych medication was intense once the proper funding was provided. Working with ptsd was something I had grown used too. But never usually with someone so close to me. It would all depend on how he would feel. I grabbed my cigarettes and headed for the roof. My stress levels were going up, I should be medicating myself as well. Ugh. Medication didn't bother me, obviously. More of a working out a proper dosage and having someone to talk to me and figure out my progress. I needed a team in general... It was hard enough working alone. Working alone was comforting and I was used to it but it was always nice to have a team to bounce ideas off of. I took a deep inhale and laid back staring at the sky as it began to darken. My stomach slightly growled. Remembering to eat... not one of my strong suites. Or cooking. Or cleaning. Ugh. Oh well. He used to like me regardless and he was a good cook. Don't daydream. You don't even know exactly how he feels about you. I lit another one and leaned over the edge of the roof. Lena and Jesse were running around in the distance. I finished the cigarette and made my way back to my office. Passing jack on the way.

" hey I was just coming to see you but you weren't there" he said

" sorry. Experiment " I said " you can come with me now" I said.

He followed me into my office as I shut the door behind him.

" we can inject or pills. I prefer injections though personally because the medication has some side effects when ingested ". I said matter of factly.

" whichever you think would be best" he said calmly.

Ugh. He's trusting me. He's taking steps. And I'm sitting here hiding information. Ugh. I'll tell him later. I readied the medication and he removed his jacket his bare arm extended. I carefully injected him.

I disposed of the needle and sat on my desk looking at him.

" how have you been feeling today?" I asked carefully.

" better, I didn't think it was supposed to work so fast" he said.

" yeah I'm quite surprised actually , but that is good, has anything caused an up in emotions" I asked

" nothing. Well... you... but that's about it. I went to the firing range today and my head felt clearer as I practiced. My run went well no elevated heart rate at all. Nothing startled me" he said calmly. I smiled at him and rubbed his arm gently. He took my hand.

A blush crept onto my face.

" I'm proud of you" My voice was soft and his posture stiffened.

" for what?"

" for trying this and accepting my help, it's a good improvement. I think you will feel the full effects soon, but you should probably lie down again for bit " I said carefully.

"but... i need to tell you something" i slowly started to say.

He yawned but his posture changed and stiffened.

" i don't know how to say this but..." i started shaking, i need to pull myself together. i need to be strong.

" so. you remember that night in Iceland..."

"Yes, of course i do, how could i forget?" he said.

"jack i'm pregnant." i blurted out.

"WHAT?" he exclaimed.

" i mean. scheisse, i mean i was...i mean. " i was scrambling for words. His hands ran through his hair.

" what happened... do... what?"

"i had a kid... and he"

"HE?! " his voice was raising.

"we have a son" i said softly.

He just got up, and left, not a word, just left... i couldn't even cry, my worries and fears were being realized and all i could do is panic. I walked back to my room, i wouldn't try to follow him, he needed processing time...

No sooner had I shut my door did I hear a knock. Ana and Fareeha standing there. I motioned for them to enter. I quickly hugged Fareeha and she sort of returned the hug. She felt stiff.

" are you okay!? Do you need medical attention ?" I asked gently.

" I'm joining overwatch much to my mothers dismay" she said. Her voice sounded sharp , she had really grown in the past years.

" but I needed to talk to you about John" she said angrily.

I sighed and looked at Ana. Who tried to stop her.

" look. I was also a child of overwatch and I had to deal with a lot. And I mean a lot. But you either have to be there or not be there. But don't put my family at risk because you don't know what you want..."

" Fareeha that isn't fair" said Ana.

" what!? It wasn't fair to me either, I'm just letting her know what it's like. At least I was allowed to come visit, you haven't seen him since you gave birth! And don't try saying it was because you didn't know. Because you could have tried. You aren't stupid " she barked. Her voice raising.

I felt tears forming and my anger was rising. My emotions feeling drained. I couldn't deal with this right now. I deserved a scolding,But this really really hurts. From one person who knows what it's like. I don't want our child hating me... errr us. Fuck. Us.

" I understand what you are saying but I didn't want to put any of you at risk."

" that's bullshit and you know it. You just couldn't deal with the fact that you. You all perfect angelic wonderful doctor Ziegler had a baby you didn't want and abandoned it to my family to watch! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TIMES WE HAVE MOVED BECAUSE OF YOUR BASTARD" she shouted.

My throat felt tight and everything started spinning.

" why. Why are you" I gasped out.

" I mean he's a great kid, a wonderful kid if you would even bother to get to know him. " she said her voice softening.

" get. Out" I said. My voice hoarse.

Ana nodded at me.

" Fareeha apologize. You are angry but at the wrong person" said Ana.

" I won't" she said. Opening the door and leaving. Ana gave me an apologetic look and sighed. Going after her.

" fuuuuuck! " I screamed. I punched the closest thing I could find. As I did I saw jack out of the corner of my eye in the hallway, he had probably been coming to yell at me too... i deserved it. But the thing is... i didn't feel anything exactly...i felt completely numb. He froze for a moment and walked away.

I returned to my room.I grabbed my vodka and downed some of it. Grabbing my flask and pacing. This is ridiculous. I need to talk to him. Maybe. Oh shit oh hell. I rushed to alcohol instead of him. I'm an idiot. I paced and walked over to his door. Knocking softly,No answer. I couldn't hear any noise at all.

Hmmmm if he wasn't in his room he could be outside. Or somewhere.

I walked outside. The darkness and air hit my face. I smoked a cigarette while looking for him. Before just climbing up to the roof to get a better view. Why the hell didn't I check here in the first place. I saw him in the corner just sitting, He was holding something in his hand.

I carefully walked over to him.

" I'm so sorry..." I said softly. He flinched. I tried looking at what he was holding but he moved it away.

" don't. " he said.

I couldn't stop myself. The words came tumbling out... like an aggressive wave of regret.

" I wanted to tell you then... I was going to tell you. I just. I wanted to make sure you were ready " I sobbed. I couldn't stop it... why am i like this?

" Jesus Angela. Ready when ? It's been how many years ?!"

I deserved that. But at the same time I couldn't believe it.

" you weren't there jack. You weren't there who would I tell?!" I said. I immediately regretted it.

" I'm sorry" I said.

He flung something at me and I looked at it in the moonlight. Fuck. The ultrasound. I printed out a copy foolishly. I was going to tell him, I had printed the photo to surprise him. But Gabriel had gotten in the way as always.

" I'm so sorry" I said shaking.

" I don't know how to process this. I thought I could but I'm not sure. " he said softly. His voice wasn't angry anymore. It sounded sad. "i mean, i knew in a way, but i didn't think you wouldn't have told me... i didn't think you would hide this from me, fuck... angela. why didn't you tell me?"

" jack please. Come inside with me. I want to show you something. "

" I don't want to go anywhere with you right now"

" I deserve that. I understand " I softly said. " I didn't want to keep this from you"

" Angela, Shut up please... And leave me alone. " he pleaded, i could hear the pain in his voice. I pushed the photo back at him and slowly walked off to the ladder. Carefully climbing down it and lighting another. Leaning down against the building and sobbing. I am a fool for not telling him when I originally found out,But it's not all my fault.

We both screwed up. He disappeared! I could have told him. And somehow he knew? somehow he found the ultrasound. The writing on the back was mine. And who else would I call my darling ? Nothing made sense. Why did it happen like this. And why was Fareeha taking this out on me?

Timing couldn't have been worse. I took another swig and returned to my room. I was worried about him but there wasn't much I could do tonight, I would check on him in a bit. Everyone was asleep... Fareeha probably in her mothers room for the night. I turned on my bath and sunk into it. Letting the warmth ease some tension. How foolish was I? Why didn't. Stop. I needed to stop thinking about this. I couldn't do anything. He probably hates me. I'm almost forty. And here I was playing head games. I toweled off and changed into something comfortable .I heard a soft knock on my door. My heart raced. I just wanted to explain myself.

He was standing there. I motioned for him to come in.

"Look I wanted to tell you " I started.

" I'm the one who came to you now. I have some things I want to say. " he said.

I nodded. And went to sit on my bed because my own body felt like it was falling to the ground.

" why didn't you tell me? where you ever planning on telling me? Why the fuck were you on the field if you were pregnant unless you just... Didn't care or didn't care enough about the fact that we created a child and just. Fuck Angela. I don't know... Just why..." his voice cracked. " Were you scared of telling me ? Did you worry about how I would react or what would happen or didn't you plan on doing anything ?!" His voice sounded so strained.

I deeply inhaled.

" I found out about a month after I got pregnant, I panicked. Because well. Obviously. But I was so happy but so terrified. Then the whole Reyes thing... and I just didn't want to add to your stress level. "

"fuck reyes we aren't talking about him... did you care about me then or did you just look at me like someone you could fix? "

How could he even think that.

" don't you dare say that again to me. Don't you dare. That's not fair. That's not fair to me, I have spent years in love with you,With everything about you. You asked me if I ever saw the bad in you. I do! But I don't care. We aren't perfect jack! We never have been. I made a mistake. A huge mistake. I put everything at risk because I care about people... I care so much about them that I put them first... But I loved you. You idiot. I love you"

I said my body shaking. I couldn't even cry. His body shook so hard and he fell to the ground shaking.

I rushed over to him. " jack listen to me. I'm right here"

" Angela. If. You. Had. Just. Told me. " he gasped out.

" jack shhh I need you To breathe okay. Just breathe please. " I said softly. My hand stroking his back. He tried to move away. And I let him. He tried to control his breathing. But it sounded labored.

"Jack please. Please. Just breathe. Focus. It's okay. I'm so sorry. I just. I didn't know how to find you. I didn't know. I didn't know. " I cried softly.

His breathing calmed down.

" we have a kid... " his voice was cracking.

" we have a kid. " I said.

He shook all over.

" his name is John" I said softly. Stroking his hair.

He shook more. Slowly removing his mask. My heart pounded. His face. Jack's face was looking at me! It was soaked with tears, i wanted to kiss his perfect face, he fell into my lap. His entire body shaking.

He gently rubbed my hand, His face was scarred but so handsome still. He looked older but not by much,His white hair betrayed his age.

"i would have resigned, i would have.. i would have done anything angela... you do understand that right?! what part of that didn't you understand... we were supposed to fight things together"

His eyes shut tightly.

" I'm so sorry my darling " I said crying with him. Somehow in my naivety, i never thought of that. I always figured he would always be a soldier.

"i never thought... i just... i never thought.. fuck. things were so hard then"

"i would have given anything to have just walked away ange... to have been able to just... live, this would have... " he sighed heavily and looked at me. His eyes looked completely confused, nervous, anxious... thousands of emotions registering on his face that i had never seen.

He looked up at me and kissed me. His kisses getting deeper and deeper. Pushing me back onto the floor. His body on top of mine. Slowly stroking my face in his hands.

" I'm so sorry angel" he gasped out when he stopped. He was looking me in my eyes,and he pulled me back up,Cradling me in his lap and kissing my head.

" you didn't know" I said softly.

His eyes angered. " you didn't tell me..." he said.

"i know jack..." here we go again, but what can i do? besides letting him get all of this out.

"Angela you had two months according to the ultrasound. "

I bit my lip and tried to turn away from him.

" four months" I said in complete and utter guilt. His posture changed and he got up. Grabbing his mask and going for the door.

" jack please. Understand "

" angela, i would have... i would have understood" his voice shook and cracked.

This was just going to keep going on and on... but it's him actually finding out that i actually gave birth, and that our son is out there alive... i need to use every bit of strength to get through this.

" i don't know jack... between you and Reyes and the UN. i didn't want you to..."

" i told you i was dealing with him, you never should have tried getting involved"

"i was doing it for us..."

"No angela, you were doing it for yourself, you hated violence... and you didn't want it to end in a fight"

"i tried jack... it was foolish, i tried and i don't know why i bothered because i lost you anyways, and i lost him. i lost everything when you died... i lost everything" my sobs echoed in my own head. i didn't want to get angry at him, it's not his fault... i shouldn't have stepped in, i just wanted everything perfect when i told him.

"you act like i didn't lose anything then..."

"you know what i meant. Please don't turn this around on me. Yes. i made a mistake... i made a mistake i have had to live with, the minute i knew you were alive i should have told you, but would you have listened?! " i stopped crying, my frustration took control, i'm not mad at him, i'm mad at myself for how this went down.

"Angela... i need a minute okay?"

i nodded as he clicked on his mask and left.

Jacks pov

Am I so broken that she couldn't tell me? She went onto the field pregnant. No. Four months pregnant with our child... Our child. A smile slightly formed again,Somewhere was our son. A son. How how could I have not noticed? Reyes. Fucking Reyes. I slammed my hands into the walls of my room. She didn't trust me. She said she did. She said she loved me. But why why wouldn't she tell me? Was I that horrible during that time... was I so far gone that she didn't tell me. Fuck. What the fuck. You are an idiot. You didn't even notice your girlfriend was pregnant... that's probably why you didn't believe the betrayal of your best friend. Fucking Reyes. He ruined everything. Everything I ever tried for in life. He even tried taking her from me... Numerous times to my face. Fuck him...

. Fuck her no. No. I loved her. I loved her so much. I still love her. How did this happen. No. I know how it happened. God did I know how it happened. My mind racing to the night when it must have happened. Stationed in the Iceland. Alone with her... God she was so beautiful. She was always so beautiful. Her small body wrapped around mine... fuck no. Stop. She lied. She lied because she didn't want you to know. That can't be true... I don't think she has a mean bone in her entire body. But this this was betrayal. She never told me. Why didn't she tell me ? Things were awful then. I used her constantly for comfort then. Did I ever even listen to her during those months? The more I think of those months the angrier I feel. He ruined everything. Just like I did. If I would have stopped and stopped fucking her long enough to listen... I'm such an idiot. I'm such an idiot. My chest heaved. Panic filling my mind. I wanted to check on her. I just left her there crying. No wonder she didn't tell me. I wouldn't tell me. Fuck fuck.

I need to fix this. I need to do something anything. I can't let her see me like this. I already cried on-top of her. How will this...

I can't do this... I can't do it. If you can't even talk to her then you are completely weak. She just wanted to help you and look at this mess you created. No... she made mistakes too. She could have told me, unless she didn't trust me, I didn't trust me.

My god this is all Reyes. This is all his fault. I trusted the wrong person, you are supposed to have trust in your team. I trusted so many and somehow it kept getting ruined.

Or was it her? Things didn't start to become strained with Reyes until she showed up. Well, that's my fault too. I recruited her. She put up such a fight, not that I could blame her at all. Her parents killed by war. Being raised by whoever. Shit. She was doing the same thing to her... our son. I wish I would have known. I should have known. We could have retired young and moved to the alps, or somewhere secluded. Then overwatch wouldn't have fallen in that way. I don't know what to do. Again I don't know what to do, the last time this happened I disappeared. It wasn't her, she didn't do this , we did this ... I just don't know... i can't process this, the years i thought something had happened... stress or something made her lose our child... fuck. i wasn't there... and i'm not there for her right now either... you can do this.

I took a deep breath in, i had stopped the spiral of thoughts... in all these years all these voices constantly screaming at me, calling me a failure... i finally stopped the thoughts. Even if i don't talk to her again tonight, i just need to be near her. i need to make some sort of effort on my part.

My feet felt like they were weighted down and i walked to her door and knocked. The door opened and she was standing there, looking angelic as always, her face was streaked red... i caused this. She stepped aside and let me in and i came in and closed the door, dropping my mask and holding her.

"i'm sorry angel, i don't feel like talking anymore tonight, but i just want to be with you... if you will allow it"

Her arms wrapped tightly around me and she said something muffled into my chest.

"what?" i asked.

She pulled away and looked at me in the eyes "das ist gut" (That is good)

She walked over to the bed and i laid behind her, her small body curling into mine, i carefully stroked her hair. It still felt weird with the black hair instead of her blonde, but she was always beautiful, and will always be beautiful. We have a son...

"angela" i said, hearing the own shake in my voice.

"i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry with how i just reacted, this is some of the most amazing news i could ever get, and i ruined it. "

i could feel her twisting her body back to look at me, she ran her hands along my face and gently kissed my lips, her beautiful soft lips touching my scarred ones. She pulled away and looked at me with her kind beautiful eyes.

" i understand" her voice was so comforting, all i wanted in the world was her...i always thought it was to become a hero, but i think that was more of a dream to hide the loneliness, until i met her. Now we have a family to protect, i have a family to protect.

"would you like to see him?" she asked reaching over into her nightstand.

I heard my heart pounding. Calm down, calm down, of course you do... she grabbed a photo, i couldn't see it, but she turned back to face me.

"yes..." my voice was shaking, and she carefully handed it, photo side down... just look. God. i would rather see him in person, but this is probably all she has seen besides... i missed my kids birth, his birthdays... we missed his birthdays, steps... ugh am i crying again? i must be because her hands are wiping my face. I slowly turned the picture over, this could have been me...

"that's..."

"our son" she said with the most beautifully heartbreaking smile. I looked at the photo, then back at her, then back at the photo and back again to her.

I pulled her small body into mine, kissing her hair. "i love you angel." i said into her hair.

"i love you too" she said as she kissed my neck, buried her face into my neck and her warm breathing slowly lulled me into a peaceful sleep, while i held her and the photograph in my arms.

A/N: There it is! i hope it's okay, i tried! i re-wrote sections of this so many times, and had to dial back my angst meter.I still wanted him to feel hurt and go through the motions of finding out your girlfriend hid a pregnancy and all the self doubt he usually struggles with. If this is terrible, let me know, i can send my other drafts, and we can fix it. I really tried though.

Also! i am absolutely shocked at how well my last chapter went over! i was so weirdly conflicted about it. However all your reviews and messages have been so encouraging... and i just wanted to thank you all for being amazing to me, i keep saying it over and over but it means so much to me that people are taking the time to read this. Thank you