This has been a very long time coming. i just realised that it has been 4 years since i last posted a chapter and words can't describe how sorry i am. I guess sometimes real life takes over and to be totally honest my passion for writing went out the window.
But several weeks ago i found this again and realised that i wanted to finish telling this story and give these characters a conclusion, so i started writing and some of my passion came back slowly and in doing that my writers block started to go too. I fully intend to finish this one, if people continue to read then fantasic, if not i just nee to get this finished.
i wont be finishing it all in one go, i will be posting every couple of weeks but i hope if anyone is still reading then you enjoy seeing where this story goes.
Enjoy.
Naive
Bella
I walked back towards the room with a spring in my step, a small one, but a spring none the less. I was never really sold on the idea that talking to a friend could help ease your troubles but for some reason I felt oddly relaxed after speaking to Emily. She was one of the only people I spoke to in college, unlike me she was somewhat of a social butterfly, and whilst my pale skin in Arizona made me look like an albino that dyed her hair, Emily had a golden tan and black hair, she basically had all the guys falling at her feet. So why the best friends? I often wondered that, we were such polar opposites it didn't seem likely that we would get on so well.
We bonded over a love of Rocky Horror for some reason, I quoted it in an English class and she recited the next line, no one laughed but us and an unlikely friendship was born. That weekend we caught a midnight showing of Rocky Horror and spent the next three weeks seeing each other almost every day and became really close.
Unlike the vast majority of girls that wandered round our college, Emily had been with the same guy for years, her boyfriend Sam. Love of her life yada yada yada, I never really paid attention to all the gushy shit she was saying before, how his smile made her light up or how his laugh made her insides do…something? Oh well, guess I didn't really know how she felt until now.
She was so excited when I got with Jake, after mentioning him to her several times when I thought he was stalking me I believe her shout of 'about fucking time' was her showing me how happy she was for me. But that's what It was like with me and Em, we were there for each other always, but if anyone fucked us over we would make sure they knew not to do it again and bless her heart, it would't surprise me if she went and kicked Jake in the balls anyway. That thought alone made me smile somewhat. Guess she left that for her little brother Seth to deal with. Seth was one of the best people I had ever met in my life, he was so sweet and genuinely cared about other people. It brought a smile to my face just being in his presence and the fact that he stood up for me even though he was friends with Jake made my heart swell even more.
I walked back into the room to see Edward no longer asleep but sitting up in bed with the covers wrapped round him, remote in one hand and glass of water in the other.
"How are you feeling?" I asked slipping off my shoes
"I feel fine" he shrugged " just couldn't't sleep anymore I needed to be up and moving" I quirked an eyebrow at his definition of moving to which he cracked a small smile "Okay not necessarily moving but y'know, not being a lazy bum"
"Its cool, I understand" I nodded wrapping my arms around my waist.
"Cold? You can come and sit over here with me if you like?" he said patting the bed next to him, I hesitated for a moment looking around the room, but fuck, why was I hesitating, nothing really had changed. Okay that was a blatant lie, but he was still the same guy that picked me up, the same guy that I fell for. I quickly nodded before he could see any hesitance and made my way over to the bed. I crawled into the bed next to him and tucked myself into his side.
"You can take of the hoodie you know, im sure I can warm you up" he laughed,
"I…no you're gonna think im an idiot" I said quietly.
"I wont, please tell me"
"Or at least somewhat of a stalker" I carried on
"Bella please" he whined.
"Fine I like wearing your hoodie because its all you, it smells like you and its just comfortable" I said blushing.
"You're adorable" he whispered kissing my head. I felt a small shiver of excitement run through me and for a second I forgot the cluster fuck of a situation we were currently in, but just like that it came crashing back down, and so I dealt with it the best way I know how, I shrank back.
"So what do you want to do? We can watch a movie or I can go and get us some food or if you need anything?" I began rambling as I scooted away from him slightly.
"Bella" he said quietly.
"Hmm" I said not making eye contact.
"Bella look at me" he said tilting my chin to meet his eyes "You don't have to walk on eggshells around me okay"
"I wasn't" I said shaking my head "Everything is fine"
"I know that's what's going on in your mind. Don't be so naïve about the whole thing you know what is happening here okay, don't think everything is going to be all roses and sunshine. I was there last night and this morning and every day for the last 6 months, I'm gonna be okay, the worst thing we can do now is to tip toe around the problem" he said rubbing the back of his neck, God I love it when he does that.
Was I being naïve? I'm not a child, I know things like this happen but I guess I had been shut in to stuff like this. I had never had to deal with drugs, hell that hadn't even been a thought in my circle of friends and if it was it certainly wasn't something that was spoken openly about, unlike here. God I really was naïve to LA. I didn't expect it to be all good after a few days but I don't think I realised how big of an impact this was having on my life. If I was in this for the long haul I was going to have to become accustomed to the situation sharpish.
"I'm just trying to be okay with all of this…and failing miserably" I muttered hiding my head in his side.
"You're doing better then you think you are, just can we not do this again please. Im not stupid, I know that its gonna get a lot worse from now on and I'm prepared to deal with it" he said hugging me "Look I don't want to pretend that nothing is happening or nothing is wrong, but I want us to both be able to just enjoy our time with each other and just act the way we normally would okay?" he asked placing a kiss in my hair.
"I'm sorry im such a bitch, its like im not even considering how this must be for you, I'm too busy focusing on my stupid self"
"One day at a time" he mumbled quietly.
"You know at some point im going to want to talk all this stuff through with you again, and just have a proper discussion" I sighed, wincing as I waited for his answer.
"I know" he replied after what felt like a lifetime "And I want to be honest with you, so just let me know when and ill talk" he nodded as I looked up at him in bewilderment.
"What?" he asked laughing.
"What's the catch?" I enquired.
"I just don't want to lie no more and I want to be honest about stuff with you. I'm sick of keeping things bottled up. So just when you're ready I'm ready to answer" he nodded.
It was when he did things like this, and he was so sincere and gentle that I couldn't imagine him being the drugged up guy that I knew he was, it was going to be so hard but I was going to be here for him, of that I was certain, but first I needed some answers.
"Where did you wander off to earlier?" he asked after a beat.
"I went to use the computers, I wanted to check some things" I shrugged
"Like…?" he asked trailing off
"Like my Facebook…Pretty picture by the way" I laughed
"Oh yeah you saw that huh?" he said grinning shyly. do I detect a hint of a blush creeping up on his cheeks
"Yes I did, and just so you know, I accepted" I smiled "Along with Alice and Emmett too" I laughed
"I'm glad" he smiled.
"Pretty words as well" I said blushing, as he smirked "I'm not being really dense am I? I mean what you wrote was about us right?" I said suddenly feeling hot with embarrassment.
"It was about us" he laughed nodding "God you're too cute"
"I spoke to my friend as well, it was nice, y'know to just forget about everything that was going on back home and just have a normal conversation" I shrugged
"What friend?" he asked
"Emily, she is kind of one of the only people I miss, well her and Seth, who has a broken thumb now" I said rolling my eyes
"Jeez your friends are crazy" He laughed
"Broke his thumb hitting Jake, I swear that guy has a head made outta rock or something" I grumbled
"Let me go find him and I'm sure ill find out for definite" Edward muttered, as I felt him stiffen next to me.
"Nah he's not worth it, beside within the next few hours I'm guessing Emily will have kicked him in the balls so I have some sick satisfaction about that" I laughed.
"What's Emily like then?" he asked pulling me back into his arms
"Kinda like Rose actually" I said only now realising the likeness
"Sounds scary" he laughed
"Nah, she's a pussycat really, just very protective"
"So do you want to do something or stay here or…" he trailed off changing the subject
"Why don't I go and get us some food? Ill be back in a little while" I said standing up quickly.
"Bella, I have lived in LA a while, being in this hotel room isn't going to stop me going out there into the city" he said sharply, but continued after a beat "Just like being out there isn't going to force me to go and find a dealer" he finished.
"I just don't want you to feel like…I don't know desperate or anything" I said wincing at my poor choice of words.
"The more I stay cooped up in the room the more im going to want that fix. I just need some fresh air and just something to take my mind off it" he shrugged standing up, but already I could see the toll it was taking on him.
"Edward are you sure I don't want-"
"Bella!" he snapped "I'm going to be okay, please just stop questioning me and acting like im gonna abandon you, Jesus"
I knew to expect these type of occurrences, the sudden mood swings and changed at a seconds notice, I just didn't expect the sting that would come with them when he spoke those words.
"Ok, let me just get my stuff and we can go" I said quietly as I picked up my bag and walked over to my shoes, slipping them on. I felt him walk up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist.
"I'm sorry, I…I didn't mean to" he started
"Its alright, don't worry, I understand" I murmured, linking my fingers with his. Patience and understanding…that what he needed right now.
"I really have a hankering for some Chinese, do you know anywhere that might be good?" I asked as I opened the door and ushered him out.
"There might be a few places I can think of" he muttered walking in front of me.
Chinese at 12 in the afternoon, I was turning into a proper LA dweller.
We walked quickly through the lobby and out onto the street, automatically Edward reached for my hand, lacing our fingers together tightly. We walked down the street and after about ten minutes walking came to a small Chinese restaurant. The yellow and red paper lanterns hanging in the window gave off a distinct oriental vibe and the gentle music playing did something to ease my tension of being out with Edward. The journey there hadn't done much to make me think hewas the happy guy i had missed, no it looked like the broody boy was back with full force.
"You taking away?" an old Chinese lady asked as we walked up to the counter.
"I want to sit in please" Edward said simply. Yeah i guess ill sit in too Edward
"Table for two?" she asked.
"Gee let me think, one two…yeah I guess that's a pretty good calculation" Edward snapped.
"Edward, just leave it okay" I said sharply butting in "Yes a table for two would be great if you have one thank you" I said softly to the old woman. She nodded, eyes casting a lingering glare at him for a fraction before ushering us to follow her to a secluded table. As soon as we sat down he folded him arms in front of him and started huffing like a petulant child.
"Are you serious?" I whispered harshly
"She was being an idiot" he huffed
"She is an old woman, Jesus Edward have some manners" I said rolling my eyes.
"I don't care, im hungry, im sick of everything and I cant deal with stupid old women asking me stupid questions" he spat.
I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath, I had to remind myself that this wasn't him speaking, he wouldn't act that way around other people. It wasn't him
"Can we just ordered some food please?" I said simply
"Finally a sensible question! Ill have some noodles, egg rolls, fries and beef chow mein"
"Don't worry ill get it shall I" I muttered standing up and walking to the counter. Deep breaths again just keep breathing deeply, you can get through this.
I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn't my problem, I couldn't even compare to what he was going through right now. I just needed to be here for him even through the rudeness and immaturity.
Didn't mean I had to like it though.
I quickly ordered his food, adding duck pancakes on for myself as grabbed a few drinks. I walked hesitantly back over to our table, my nerves slowly creeping up each step I took. He looked so defeated again, shoulders slumped, his hood up covering his beautiful hair. I felt my heart clenching just looking at him
"I did it again didn't I?" he whispered as I sat down
"Edward it doesn't matter" I sighed
"I don't mean to, its like there is something in my head trying to force its way out of my mouth, another fucked up Edward I try to keep hidden" he said, shoulders slumping in defeat.
"Is that the Edward that is desperate for a fix?" I asked. He didn't have to say anything, the small head tilt told me everything I needed to know.
"you're not that guy, I know that much is true, this is just about you, please don't feel like you need to have a pity party every time you snap at me or something, I'm expecting it okay?" I offered.
"Its not that simple Bella" he shrugged "you expecting it and me doing it are two very different things"
"I know it isn't simple and I seriously cant imagine what you are going through right now but please just know that while I can't fully understand what you are going through, I'm here…by choice I might add and I'm not gonna leave, so you can snap at me and do the emo boy thing all you want. But I need to help you through this" I said rambling on, I felt the blush rise up to my cheeks as his hand extended across the table to grab mine in silent thanks.
"Now I ordered everything you wanted, so I expect you to eat lots" I smiled
"Im starving Bella I could eat a cow right about now" he sighed.
"Don't think they have whole cow on the menu so we had to go with the next best thing I guess" I replied, he let out a small laugh and it was the best thing I had heard in a while.
The food arrived a little while later and we ate in a comfortable silence, there was nothing more that needed to be said. To be honest I wasn't sure which Edward I would get if I opened my mouth, I took it as a good sign that he was getting his appetite back. But then again the boy had been on cocaine for months, was i completely naïve to think that after 2 days he would be perfectly fine again?
Maybe….More thank likely.
Guess it didn't matter at this point.
I'm not saying it was your fault
Although you could have done more
Oh, you're so naive, yet so
How could this be done?
By such a smiling sweetheart
Oh, and your sweet and pretty face
In such an ugly way
Something so beautiful
That every time I look inside
I know that he knows that I'm not fond of asking
True or false, it may be
He's still out to get me
Naïve - Lily Allen (Kooks Cover)