BELLA'S POV

It's been about a week since my birthday party. Time sure flies. The Cullens went back to Phoenix two days after the party. I sure miss them. They were such nice people. Edward and I have gotten even closer, closer than I could possibly imagine.

"Okay, this is going to sound really sudden but will it be okay if I fetched you to school tomorrow?" I was on the phone with Edward. Since Charlie got me a mobile phone for my birthday, it has become a norm that I would chat with Edward for an hour everyday. We just talked aimlessly about random things but I always looked forward to these calls. There wasn't much to do at home and it beats having him sneak into my room – I'm always afraid Charlie would barge right in and catch us.

"Why the sudden need to drive me to school Bella?"

I chuckled, "It's nothing. It's just that I haven't driven my truck in awhile and I really miss being in the driver's seat. I know it's silly."

"It's okay. Anything that makes you happy Bella. I'll run to your house tomorrow and we can depart for school from there?"

"Sounds good. Thank you," I blushed. He's too nice to me.

"Anytime Bella. It's late, you'd better go rest. Good night. I love you." My face became even hotter.

"Mmm, nights," I quickly replied and closed my phone shut.

Oh my gosh, Edward said 'I love you' to me. He's been saying that to me every night since my party ended and it always leaves my heart tingling. Everytime I hear it, even over the phone, I would blush a deep red.

I lied back and let my head hit the pillow. As I stared at my bedroom ceiling, I started thinking. So much has been on my mind these days. For one – which would probably be the most pathetic one – is that he's always protecting me. I mean not like someone's stalking me and going to kill me at the first sign of weakness, but all the small little things he does for me. Like keeping me company during the party when I was all alone to the smallest of acts like driving me to school, I felt bad – I couldn't repay him. I'm not strong enough to protect him or anything. That why I wanted to drive tomorrow, I want to do something for him, even something as insignificant as this would count as something right?

'I love you' I couldn't get it out of my head. I love Edward. But it's nothing more than a friend, a best friend. He's my best friend. The way I feel about him is completely different from Jacob. Jacob is the one I love, right? I know Edward loves me but I can't accept his love. But still, I'm afraid that one day, he'll get sick of waiting and just leave me. My heart ached a little at that thought. It seems like my whole world revolved around Edward now. I get gloomy when he's not around and full of life when he's with me. He's special to me and I don't ever want that to end.

Jacob's heart and the ring were still hung around my neck. I don't understand why but they would not be together. It's like two magnets repelling each other. Call it creepy but it's true. Every time I put them together, they seem to separate. It's like one would move to the left and other to the right.

Where am I…? I was standing on an aisle. I was wearing a wedding gown. I couldn't make out how the dress looked as I kept looking straight and I was smiling. I know that it's strapless as I can't feel any strap on my shoulders. It was quite puffy as it was difficult to walk but even with all that, it didn't bother me. I was getting married. Who was I marrying? I didn't know but I was happy. I was so excited that I was tempted to run down the long aisle and meet my future husband, the one I chose to spend my life with.

I soon came to the end but before that, there was a fork in the road. I was confused. Which way should I go? What was waiting for me at the end of each road? I couldn't see as it was fuzzy.

The lights turned off and a spot light shined at what was waiting for me. On the left was Jacob wearing a tux and smiling his usual grin and he raised his hand to take mine. I reached my hand to take his as I took my first step. But then, another spot light shone on the right and it revealed Edward. He was also wearing a tux and looking as dashing as ever. He too raised his hand to take mine and I took a step back. I was getting married to two guys?

No, that's impossible. I have to choose. But I can't. My knees went limp and I fell onto the ground. I couldn't move – my body wouldn't permit it. My necklace fell from my neck. The heart fell to the right while the ring fell to the left. What did this mean?

My eyes flashed open as I heard the pitter patter of rain on the roof. Time for school. I sat up on my bed and stretched. I was so stiff. "Had a good night?" I jumped and turned to see that Edward was sitting on my rocking chair.

"Oh my gosh. I have a weak heart, don't scare me like that!" I nearly shouted as I stood up to get my clothes and went to the shower.

He chuckled, "Sorry."

"It feels weird driving. I haven't driven in a long time."

"If you don't feel comfortable, you know I can always drive," Edward smiled.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny. You know what I learnt about you Edward? You're someone who likes to be in control."

This time, Edward laughed – really loudly that I too could not help but let a giggle escape me. "Never really thought about that but that's true. I like being in control, call me a control freak if you must," he said when he finally composed himself.

We arrived at school a little later than usual, probably because my truck wouldn't start up this morning. It took a good fifteen minutes before it would start – it was stuck at the parking lot for too long so maybe it got mad at me for not driving it.

No one stared anymore when I came to school with Edward. It became like a norm though everyone still ignored me. Everyone's attention was on Edward and I still see some girls grinding their teeth when they see me with him. Edward told me once that some girls were wishing they were me and I just laughed. It was just silly.

First half went by pretty quickly and before I knew it, lunch arrived. I was starving as I only ate a piece of toast this morning. This morning's lessons were extremely draining as well, most of the lessons started with a new chapter. Biology was the toughest so I was going to Edward's house later so he can coach me.

The lunchroom was pretty packed when Edward and I went in. Everyone had already gotten what they wanted so the queue – thank goodness – was short. I grabbed a pizza, an apple and a coke before joining Lauren & co at the usual table.

"Hey Bells," Jacob smiled as his arm was over Leah's shoulder. I just smiled back and noticed that Leah wasn't looking at her food, she was looking at Sam. She tried to do it discreetly but I still manage to see her wink at him.

We took our seats at the end of the long table and yet again, all the girls at the table – Lauren especially – turned and smiled at Edward. I just rolled my eyes and started to nibble at my food.

"So hey, why don't we do something fun this weekend?" Jessica suggested and all eyes were on her.

"I mean, we haven't gone out as a group in awhile and it would be a great way to de-stress from all the work we've gotten."

Everyone looked at each other before answering 'sure'. I didn't say anything as I probably won't be invited. I continued nibbling on my food as they discussed on what to do and where to go.

After much chatter, they agreed to go this weekend. They would go to La Push Beach in the morning as there was going to be some sun and then head down to the gym at around eleven before heading to Port Angeles for lunch and then shopping till dusk. It sounded fun but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

"Can Bella go?" Edward asked. I quickly looked up at him and shook my head telling him 'no'.

"Yeah, Bella. Why don't you come along? You hardly go out and have fun," Jacob added in. I was a little happy that Jacob wanted me to go.

"Bella can't go," Lauren immediately interjected.

"Why not? It's a group outing and she's part of the group. Why can't she go?" Jacob asked.

"Well, you see… … We didn't get Bella a present for her birthday so we were thinking of buying her present when we're at Port Angeles. She can't be there as we want to make her gift a surprise."

"Well that doesn't seem fair. I mean you could buy her present on another day," Edward said, he looked pissed?

"We won't be going out after that weekend. Finals are coming."

"Then why not ask her to go somewhere else while you buy her present?"

"We could but you already said that idea so it won't be a surprise anymore."

Edward wanted to say something else but I took his hand and shook my head. "It's okay," I whispered. He quickly went back to sit at his chair and tried to calm down.

"But you know Edward, you're invited. It would be a big help if you could help us choose her present y'know," Lauren's eyes brightened as she found an excuse to make Edward go with her. She's probably thinking of a million ways to make him fall in love with her now. The buying me a present is just an excuse. They would probably forget all about it tomorrow. They don't want me to go with them. I took my coke and started sipping.

"I'm sorry. But it completely slipped my mind but I'm going on a date with Bella on Saturday. So I won't be able to join you." I nearly choked on my coke when he said that and immediately turned my head to glare at him, confused. He just eyed me to play along.

"Oh yeah. I completely forgot. Sorry Jake. I can't go. Have fun though." Jacob didn't answer but just kissed Leah's hair as his fists clenched.

Second half went by pretty quickly. The atmosphere around me was pretty tense and I'm getting quite nervous. Something bad is going to happen. I didn't want to think about that, Edward's waiting for me at my truck so we can go to his house and he can tutor me.

As I walked down the hallway, I say Lauren & co standing in front of me with Lauren in the front, her arms crossed. She didn't look happy; she was glaring straight at me – death daggers. I looked down and tried to quickly walk past her.

"Where the hell do you think you're going Isabella Swan?" she almost yelled out. My whole body froze and before I knew it, I was being yanked my Jessica and Angela to the girl's bathroom.

"Wh-what do y-y-you w-want? I-I ne-need to g-go," I stuttered, fear coloring my voice. I've never been in this kind of situation before but from what I heard, it never turns out good. Someone is bound to run out crying and that person would probably be me.

"Go where huh? Hog up Edward again? Listen here you bitch, we need to talk." Lauren was doing all the talking now, the rest were watching the door to make sure that no one would interrupt our 'talk'. I froze at the corner.

"What do you want to talk about?" I put on a brave face. I can't show the fear in me now. I had to be brave, I have to protect myself – no one can save me now.

Lauren gave out a small smile and looked a little smug. "Seriously Bella. Do you think Edward hangs out with you all the time is because he cares about you?"

I just nodded but tried to keep a stern face. "He loves me."

"Bullshit! Bullshit I tell you!" she screamed and I could see the fury in her eyes.

She slowly composed herself and started laughing. "Do you honestly believe he loves you? Stop deceiving yourself Isabella. The only reason he's so nice to you is because he pities you okay? I mean who wouldn't. You've been acting pitiful this whole time! Just because your mom died doesn't mean you get all the glory. I mean, my parents fight all the time and you don't see me sulking about it like the whole world owed me!"

I didn't know how to retort. He took pity on me? Now that you think about it, it's the only reason for him to be so nice to me. There wasn't any reason for him to fall for me. He was too good for me.

Lauren could see what her words were doing to me and continued to taunt me. I knew she was taunting me but her words seemed so true, I couldn't deny it. Hot angry tears started to flow down my cheeks.

"Wake up Bella. He's not in your league. He deserves better and not a girl who is always wallowing herself in self pity. You have to set him free." Free. I have to set him free. I have to. This can't continue anymore. I don't want to be with a person who cares for me out of pity. I didn't want it.

"You're right Lauren. Edward's out of my league. Someone like him deserves better. Not me. I-I have to set him free." The last few words came out in a stutter.

"Good… You're holding him back, you have to let him go," she uttered and with those words, I dashed out of the girl's bathroom, still crying my guts out.

As I neared the parking lot, my knees shook with the trepidation inside me. I have to let him go. I don't want him to continue to be with me out of pity. There was no other explanation to why he was so nice to me. It was all out of sheer pity. All the late nights in my room, all the calls, the party, everything! He did it because I was all alone, I lost my mom, and he pitied me. Yet I was still fearful, I didn't want to lose him but I had to. He deserves better, a life with someone deserving of him. And that person certainly is not me.

As I forced my legs to move forward, each step felt like a thousand pound had been added and I moved slower and slower until I reached my truck. He was there; leaning against the door of my truck.

He looked up at me and saw my tear covered face and his expression immediately changed. His face was full of concern and new tears started flowing down again. Why did he have to continue torturing me with this act?

"Bella? Bella, what happened?" he asked. I didn't answer but just continued crying. He started to panic and put his hands on my shoulder. I shrugged and pushed his hands away.

He started panicking, "Bella, please say something. What happened?"

"Why did you do it?" I whispered and Edward froze.

"What are you talking about Bella?"

"You know what I mean! Why did you have to do it! Why! Why! Why! Why did you have to do this to me?" I shouted. I didn't care if everyone was staring at us as I cried my heart out. Maybe, Lauren was wrong. Maybe he did care… I didn't want to believe that she was right.

His expression changed to look like pain and my heart clenched. "I'm sorry Bella. I didn't have a choice. I'm sorry. There was no other way. I didn't have anything else I could do," he murmured and looked down.

And then it hit me. There was no other way. I didn't have anything else I could do. It was all true. It was all freaking true! They were speaking the truth. He only pities me. I cried even harder and I started to push him away.

"You jerk! Go away! I don't ever want to see you again!" I screamed. All I believed in. Fairy tales, princes, happily ever after and true love. They're all lies, it doesn't exist.

His face tilted up to face me, pain painted all over his face. My heart hurt to see him like this but I had to let him go. He should be free. "Is this what you really want Bella? Do you really want me to go away and never see me again? Is that really what you want?!" He couldn't compose himself at the last line that he shouted it out.

I didn't want to face him. He took my face in his hands and turned my face to face his. "Is this really what you want?" he asked one last time.

Pain was covered all over his face. I couldn't bear it but I can't keep on holding him back. I needed to set him free. Even if it tore me on the inside, I had to do it. Timidly I whispered, "Yes."

He let go of my face. "If that's what you want…" And without a second word, he walked away to the forest.

I felt like my knees were about to collapse and I had to hold onto my truck to prevent me from falling to the ground. Rain started falling and the other students watching the scene started to disperse. I didn't care if I was getting wet or anything.

The pain was too much to bear and I couldn't stop crying. I cried and cried and cried. I cried to the point that it was difficult to breath but I still couldn't stop the tear from flowing down my cheeks. The hot tears just kept on flowing down my cheeks with the cold rain drops. Fire and ice together. It hurt so badly.

I drove home in a daze. The throbbing hole in my heart was there and it was screaming at what I did. The pain wouldn't even subside for a second. I quickly went to shower before changing. My whole body felt numb. This was only temporarily. I can only hold onto myself for so long.

As I dragged my feet towards my room, the hole in my heart grew even larger – larger than I could ever imagine. There was no sign that it would ever heal. Even if the edges healed, the whole would still be there. It will never be gone.

As I stepped into my room, fresh tears started flowing again. I needed him but I couldn't want him anymore. I can't be so selfish. I don't want someone who stayed with me out of pity. It won't do us any good in the long run. The pain would be worse though I couldn't imagine how much worse. It already hurt too much.

I started to take all my story books and threw them on the floor. "WHY!" I shouted.

"Why did I have to believe? Why did you make me believe! It's never true! It can never be true!" I threw the book my mom gave to me on the floor. The bookshelf was now empty and my collection of books were scattered all over the floor.

I cried harder than I ever cried and my knees failed me and I dropped onto the floor with my back against my bed. Fairy tales were invented to trick people into believing in fantasies. They're not real. None of it can ever be real. Love is just a frivolous emotion. It holds no meaning to me anymore.

I started to grab a few pages of the book and wanted to tear it out. But before I could, I saw the picture on the book. It was Cinderella and she was kissing her prince. True love's kiss. I shut the book and threw it into the far end of the wall. I curled myself into a ball and cried and cried and cried. The tears didn't ever want to stop flowing.

A strong gust of wind came and blew at my face and when I looked up, a piece of paper had flown into my room. It was addressed to me. I slowly unfolded the paper to read the contents. I couldn't read it at first as my eyes were filled with tears and it was all blurry. I rubbed my eyes and squinted. It was from Edward.

Bella,

I am so sorry. I'm a coward and I can't face you right now. So I'm writing this to you. I am so sorry about what I've done but please know this; it killed me when I left you. I never wanted to leave you but I had no choice. I am so sorry. I can't apologize enough for the wretched thing I did to you eleven years ago.

Maybe saying I had no choice was just a pathetic excuse. The truth is – I didn't know what to do. I kept on telling myself that I love you yet I chose to hurt you that way. I was a fool, a coward. I don't think you could ever forgive me but I do hope you do one day.

I think I'm probably the last person you want to see right now so here's my goodbye.

Goodbye Bella. I promise you won't see me anymore. I'll disappear from your existence and I won't bother you anymore. It was selfish of me to want to have you. You deserve someone better.

I wish you the best for the future and hope that you would find someone who will love you with all his heart and all his soul. You deserve that. So here's to a goodbye forever Bella.

I LOVE YOU.

Edward
Mon coeur sera toujours la vôtre

'It killed me when I left you.' What was he talking about? What's going on? He loves me. He really does. But he's leaving me. These last words – I took my finger and stroked them – 'Mon coeur sera toujours la vôtre'. It's on my ring. My eyes went blank for a moment and I was transported to a meadow.

"Edward, what's that?" Is that me? I was asking the question and the one next to me is Edward…

He was holding a little gold ring in between his fingers. He took my hand and placed it on my palm.

I looked at it. It had 3 pretty white stones. It was hard to describe but it's so pretty. I held it up and saw some words written on the other side of the ring. Mon coeur sera toujours la vôtre.

"What do these words mean Edward?"

"Mon coeur sera toujours la vôtre. It means, 'My heart will always be yours'. I promise you, when you turn seventeen, I will change you and when that time comes, I will put this ring on your finger. But till then, I will leave this to you for safekeeping." He smiled like an angel.

I didn't know what to say, I just stood up and hugged him. "I love you Edward Cullen."

Hot new tears started flowing again. It wasn't of anger but regret. The one who gave me the ring was Edward. I took the ring out with my shivering hands and placed it on the paper. It was an exact transcript. Everything was the same from the words to the handwriting. An exact match.

What's going on? What have I done?

Sorry it took awhile for me to write this. I was reading a really good fic and I just couldn't stop. It's called Alphabet Weekends. It's a really sweet story about two best friends finding out that they love each other after being best friends for twenty years. I've never had the diligence to read such a long story before but it was so good I couldn't stop. I highly recommended it if you are of an appropriate age. It's in my favorite's column.

A little of this chapter was from the future chapter I gave to the 150th reviewer if you can remember. I decided to break it into two chapters as the previous one was seriously lacking detail and not well written. My writing's improving – I think – judging from the length but my English is still bad.

Vote on the poll in my profile please. This story is ending soon. Once Bella remembers, there's nothing much to write after that.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! ;)