AN1: I will be going to my relatives tonight so there's no way I will be able to send this chapter tomorrow since there's no computer there but anyway, I hope you all enjoy your Christmas gift from me (though it's not a happy one, it's from me so hey...you should've get used to it by now).

Read on:

From the previous (last) chapter:

Her eyes are watching the ceiling as if watching the blue sky of Africa. Her chocolate skin got even darker as if becoming one with the earth and I could tell she's not breathing the air of this world anymore.

I was wordless.

And mad.

Tears fell as I got up and looked with all the hate I've been capable of in my entire life at the man I knew it was responsible for this. And even for my feelings as for, he let me feel relief because she died, he let me close my eyes while she kept her open without seeing, forever, he allowed me to walk when she'll never walk again. Tears barely dried on her cheeks which mine disappeared out of anger and too much pain to let out. He let my body free while she's forever free of her body, only a soul now. A wondering soul.

"Why! You …why! She did nothing wrong!" This time, my voice echoed and my tears stopped, they still burned the back of my eyes.

"That was the problem with her. She did nothing wrong nor did she wanted to ever do something wrong." His voice is so calm it drives me insane.

But just when I could see his whole face in the darkness he's surrounded into, the expression of anger from my face evaporated immediately, not completely of course, to be replaced with curiosity or plain surprise which left me breathless.

When his dark hair that framed his face shone even in the darkness because of his porcelain skin, just as his black eyes hold lights enlightened by a feeling I couldn't define but something evil, just as his lips rested one upon another in a straight line…in my mind, the ripped photo of the 'Uchiha clan' book popped into my mind, the last page of it, the half ripped photo was completed for I felt he is exactly the one who stood smiling a smile he never smiled again in that photo beside…Sasuke.

The actual (new) chapter:

In my entire despair, I had the strength to close her eyes and touch her forehead with mine and prayed for her arrival in heaven, for it was well deserved.

'They'd be insane not to let you in, and recognize you as a freaking saint.'

Chapter 26: The kiss of death

This thought, and the fact that this will be the last time I'll be able to touch her as a warm body for the color drained quickly and even the warmth seemed to evaporate beneath me, allowed my tears to fall upon her beautiful face.

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to save you." I whispered to her, and even closed her mouth which stood as if in a small cry of pain which was stopped just when it was about to get out or just about to say something. I even wiped away the tear which was yet to fall from her right eye.

And I gave myself only two more seconds to mourn her loss, and my incompetence.

Then, I got up and looked ahead at the 'King' who looked my way with a different expression as if he didn't understood something, but I didn't care about his dilemma.

One step, two steps, and then three in front of me, left her corpse behind me, going ahead to the one who killed her.

My eyes held no tears, my soul held no pain, and my solution felt as clear as crystal water.

My senses were so sharp that I even caught the moment when he shifted a bit on his throne.

I felt the pain attacking me as I got closer and closer to him but it wasn't as intense as before and though a red flag rose in my mind, when I realized that his spell maybe isn't working anymore, I continued going without any thought in mind and without any emotion other than the love I held for the woman who died in front of my very eyes.

Love as a friend, love as a lover, and love as just a person who watched someone so pure leaving this world in front of its eyes just because the world was too filthy for her.

His eye twitched, just almost, in front of me. There were five steps and then I'll be facing him.

At the first step, I felt my muscles growing weak, so weak that I had to ignore them and just walk without acknowledging them, but I was able to do just that.

At the second step, my bones felt like cracking but there was no sound, it was just their pain, it was the pain I felt but there was no real damage, so I walked.

At the third step, I felt like suffocating, but I ignored it with all my might and continued to breathe despite the fact that I knew I felt like I was suffocating, but my chest still rose and fell, like I was still breathing.

At the fourth step, I felt like I was having a heart attack, like my organ was ripped out of my chest slowly but surely; however, there was nothing touching me there, nothing wrong, just the feeling of it.

And at the last step, her face assaulted me, for I saw it in front of my very eyes, her smell assaulted my nose, her touch assaulted my skin, her voice assaulted my ears, and my love for her assaulted my entire being as if she was right beside me, but my whole being screamed that she's gone and that only meant he wanted me to break down and cry in front of him, only to have my head cut off.

But I closed my eyes, inhaled the dirty air with no smell, let go of any feeling my body could have, shook my head a little to prove myself that there's no sound other than the silence and my own breathing, and I accepted my love as it is, and as it will always be, and in the name of the love I felt, I stretched my arm as I was one millimeter away from grabbing his neck.

"Don't! Don't do it! You'll die if you touch him!"

Ryuu's voice and even Cloud's voice echoed all around and in instinct, I turned around to look at where they are and indeed, they were at the door, running to me, to us, and so… I forgot about my stretched hand and in the next second, I felt his cold hand on mine.

My world was crushing down as if life itself was drained from my body, and this time I knew… it wasn't just a feeling.

I watched with blurry eyes as he even kissed the palm of my hand as he held it with both of his hands with a smirk on his lips, as if devouring me.

'Just like Sasuke's smirk.' I thought, in the back of my mind.

His eyes got wide, and their black met my blue.

'Just like Sasuke's eyes.'

He caressed my hand further, making me numb but somehow, I felt it through my blood.

'Just like Sasuke's touch.'

He pushed me.

And I fell in all my pain and in all my shame, on those stairs to the ground and soon enough, I realized Ryuu and Cloud are above me, checking me for any possible injury.

Cloud's voice echoed: "He's stronger than you are, than we are, you're not able to kill him. Let him live!"

The pain was gone, a pain so deep that it was like there was nothing grater or above it, and even though I was wide eyed to see the man who hurt me with his kiss, who gave death through his kiss on the palm of my hand, in my mind, I could see my mother and my father, I could see my childhood and I could feel, the loneliness of it and the hurt, but then, the love I held for them was my weapon for I felt it was wrong, felt that his idea of my childhood was formed only from pain was wrong, I responded to him by saying: I loved them too.

In the same time, he let go of me, in the same time I was sure he hears my thoughts and was assaulted by them which told him that his brother and him are very much alike.

He got up from the throne which might've been a surprise because Ryuu's hands shivered on me a little. Though now that I was far enough from him, or at least, proved I can beat him, I felt no pain and nothing crawling at my skin, I was in control of myself and that never felt better.

And I could tell he had no control of Ryuu or Cloud at how they acted, at least, Cloud was standing so that should be a good sign.

"Why should I let him live?!" Their 'King' said. His voice was still echoing but not inside of me this time.

"Because you want someone who's strong, someone who's byword simple hate, that's what you've been looking for, and now you've found it."
Cloud's words proved both me and Ryuu that Cloud is more than a simple soldier. Ryuu's expression proved he's as surprised as I am at the simple idea which passed through both our minds in the same time.

For…'Cloud's advising him.'

Ryuu's expression said it all. He didn't know what was happening either.

For Cloud was standing, unafraid, in front of his 'King', with an expression that made him look like they're friends or at least, close, like they talked for a million times before. The impact it had on Ryuu… I wasn't even capable to realize how this can hurt and does hurt him now. I was sure I wasn't even near his despair. I just knew it hurt him more, one thousand times more than me. And I was also feeling hurt because of it.

Don't get me wrong, none of them were smiling but just the tone they used …a tone one uses with a familiar person.

"And what do you suggest, Cloud? Let him sleep beside me so I will be sure he won't form a rebellion against me? Let him kill me in my sleep with his own hands? Or let him go back to my brother so he can tell him we look alike?"

Cloud was silenced by three mere sentences, but I was back, in full force.

'They are talking about my life here. And I won't let anybody else fight for it anymore, but myself.'

As this thought crept its way into my very core, I caught a glimpse of Sisay's body which stood still on the cold floor. The commander, or soldier, or whatever that man was, left for I couldn't see him anymore but he was the last in my worries now.

So I got up, ignored Ryuu's plea by staying on the ground, faking death.

I straightened up, rose my head, and even though he's high and mighty on his throne, I feel above him. And he knows it.

"We make a deal."
His eyebrow rose immediately at my voice which now echoed all around me for I've just been on the verge of death and now I stand like I am the winner already.

I took his gesture as a sign to continue and I immediately started to talk again, forcing everybody to remain quiet until I finish what I have to say.

"You let me take Sisay back to her house and bury her, in your brother's side of this hell. You let me take what I have there and make sure your brother won't come here to take me or Sisay back. And you let Ryuu and Cloud alive on the other side, not here, let them alone for the rest of their lives and in return, I'll stay here with you and do whatever you want me to do, won't threaten your life in any way, but I won't take your brother's life either, however, you have the strongest soldier and I'll be all yours in exchange of this deal."

I knew I was forcing my poor note in the moment I thought about it. For I wasn't the greatest soldier alive. I was just immune to his 'superpowers' or more like 'evil powers'. But I had to fake it and make myself sound grand to save the lives of the duo for I wasn't prepared to lose another human being any time soon. I wasn't prepared to tell Sasuke goodbye, I really wanted to just see him one more time, and just embrace him until he'll say I'm suffocating him, but I had to do it. To keep the duo safe, to keep myself safe and sane.

I realized that he might know I'm not such a threat since he can put his men to kill me and I can't win against an army, I can't only win against him, but still, something made me think I'll be useful to him. Maybe it was just an idea, maybe it was his idea.

But all I knew is that I had to sacrifice myself, I had to do my best because I just couldn't stand and watch somebody die in front of me… again.

'And if this is the price I have to pay, then I'll freaking pay it.'
"You tell me I have to trust your word for going back and then coming back here without an army or without plotting anything?"

He was amused by my words, but I wasn't.

"Yes. If you look in me, and I know you can. You know you can trust my word, you know I will do exactly as I said. You know it already."
'I don't know if I have any blue blood in me, but I start to sound like Sasuke.' Inside, I smiled for I was surer of this more than anything for this is what is inside me and it was absolute, he couldn't doubt me. But still, he did.

I felt his 'thing' invading me. I felt it taking a firm hold of my body and then of my mind, and soul. Searching for doubt, for hidden plans and all he could find, and I was sure that is what made him smirk. My need to embrace or kiss his brother. However, he knew I'll leave him after, he knew I'll do that for him, to keep him safe, to keep everybody safe. He didn't care weather I slept with him before I come back, he just cared to come back without interfering with his deals.

And somehow, I started to understand him, to feel him too for this is how much he used his power on me. How immune I was to his imaginary pain, I was so byword it that I started to feel his thoughts about my feelings too. I felt them, didn't hear them though, it was clear, so clear it scared me but it was to my advantage after all.

And the tension which took a strong hold of my body, mind and soul suddenly let go of me, disappeared into thin air. Though I was wondering if he knew I was seeing what he wanted to see from me. But in the moment I looked at him, I knew he knew. And maybe I was the only one who ever did that, which could do that, the only exception.

"I agree."
His words brought surprise to the duo's faces. They seemed to think it's a joke, or a miracle.

I didn't know much about the guy but looking at him, as he tried to hide his almost invisible smirk, while I was so used to see even if hidden…I was the only one who sees them, because this is the way Sasuke smirks too, is just so familiar to me. Sasuke was seen as a cold bastard when I arrived, but he slowly changed bit by bit. He's the devil but he has a soft side too.

But I know nobody else but me realizes how amused the man in front of me is.

While I feel no fear, no pain and no doubt.

All that I'm afraid of is the moment when I'll have to walk out of Sasuke's door, out of Sasuke's kingdom, and out of Sasuke's heart.

And this has nothing to do with this 'King'.

Cloud and his 'King', and almost officially, my 'King' too, shared a glance that was full of meaning. And I was yet to find out what it meant.

The next thing I knew is that the King mysteriously disappeared from my view, even from my insides. I was free of his control and so looked the rest of my companions.

They gave me clothes and they gave me clothes for Sisay too. Though it was a torture to dress her up in that state. I did it without any spilled tear which to be sincere… still threatened to get out every time I looked at her.

And as I walked through dark hallways with the duo by my side, Ryuu at my right and Cloud at my left and with Sisay in my arms, we got outside of what must be a huge castle which is filled with men and women who just reek of alcohol, hate and death.

I ignored the fact that I'll come back to this place and I'll have to face each and every one of them and their smell will linger on me too for probably, the rest of my life.

I ignored it and walked outside though I realized that the 'King's' orders are absolute, for nobody hurt us, nobody attacked us, nobody even talked, they just let us pass and sent a glare here and there. And though I could tell there was no good person in there, even with all that hate and death in them, they did just what their 'King' told them.

That was the only good thing I could find in the whole damned place.

A car awaited, almost covered whole in white snow. For it was snowing and it was so cold I thought I'll freeze on our way back. But in the car, it was nice and warm and the man, who drove, didn't bother us one bit, didn't even spare us a glance all the way to Sasuke's kingdom, as if he's in his car, all alone.

Though, I must admit that the hours of driving there were spent in silence, as Cloud kept Ryuu warm. Embracing him, kissing him as if already missing him, while I spent those hours staring at Sisay's dead body, caressing her cold skin, and when the sun covered the car and melted the snow away, I talked to her in the silence of the car, and I knew they all can hear me loud and clear, but I didn't care one bit:
"We're home, Sisay."

We took the heavy clothes off and Ryuu and Cloud were so surprised by the warmth of the sand, the warmth of the place, so different from where we just came from and I just knew I'll miss it all, for I won't be coming back any time soon.

When I barely spotted the two huge gates ahead, the car stopped and the driver spoke for the first time and also, for the last time:

"I can't drive you there because they'll shot. You go there because they know you. I'll wait here, and then drive you back."
It was pretty simple but I was a bit alarmed by thinking that they will shoot Cloud or Ryuu. Though, none of that happened. They both raised their hands as in: we're not hurting anybody. And it worked.

There were only two guards which meant something was wrong somewhere, which worked to my advantage. I really didn't want anybody knowing about us but the guards were inevitable in our situation. But I still explained that these two will be ordinary citizens and won't hurt a fly, but they don't have to tell the King about them, or about me, or about Sisay, though I had to lie that she's feeling ill not that's not breathing in my arms.

They promised.

I knew the streets that were barely visited by the other citizens; if they knew about them, I never saw anybody walking on them, besides an old man whom I only saw once, when I visited Sisay at 4 AM, and he waved his hand at me, as if I'm his neighbor and even in that early hour, it made me smile, and now, it made me cry for I knew I will never walk on this path again.

"You'll get food delivered when they see someone lives here, just like Sisay, or maybe they'll think Sisay is back but anyway…and Sas…a…the King will be the only one who doesn't have to know about your existence while everybody will learn that you're good people. Make a good impression so they don't call the King to check. Try and get out as less as you can and when there are people gathering, or walking towards something it means they're going to the gates to receive new citizens the King will bring, don't go there, ever!"

I explained, on our way to Sisay's abandoned house and when we got inside her house, I still explained without stopping.

"This is your new house and if you see somebody that looks alike your 'King', has black hair, black eyes and most of the times, dressed in black, pale skin and …handsome, ignore him. Don't let him in. Don't even breathe when he's anywhere near you."
Cloud smiled at 'handsome' but I was desperate, I was freaking out and I felt like crying the whole time.

But I knew I had to be strong.

I told them all about Sisay's house, what was where because I knew everything about the way Sisay lived which only made me remember her, each conversation we had, every night we didn't sleep because we were playing cards and drinking nice scented tea.

We took all the shovels we could find but there was only one which was big enough, the rest of them were too small, so I even borrowed some from people I knew they won't ask why and how, and won't tell anything to anybody as we dug a hole, stole a coffin, though I left the money on the counter for the man who made them and when the night approached, we were done.

I dressed Sisay for the second time that day, but with her favorite dress, after I washed her, after I combed her hair, even put her favorite caramel lipstick on her lips, and in the end, the white laced dressed fit her perfectly with the white heels that suited her best.

I cried.

As I put her in the coffin and as I said all the prays that I knew, and as Ryuu said his too, and then Cloud recited a whole book of prayers and we both looked odd at him in the middle of it all, with tears in our eyes, only to have him saying:
"What? I had to learn them. My mother was a religious person. "

We both looked at each other, both thinking: Nobody could tell at how much he curses.
I cried as I threw earth in the hole she'll forever rest into.

I cried as I knelled in front of the hole and had both Cloud and Ryuu to console me.

I cried as they took me in her house that still smelled like all the flowers of the world in one room, and cried again when I sat myself on the couch we usually talked onto.

I cried until I had no tears left.

And I continued to cry without tears as I let the duo in her house, said goodbye and left to go to Sasuke.

To finish what I promised I'll do.

I got lost, twice. In the woods, 'cause I usually got there by car and the road was simpler that way, but I was so tired and filled with pain, starving and the sun was one millimeter away from disappearing just after I almost froze too many hours ago, here, it was too much heat. And I was about to faint when I arrived in front of the underground house.

But the door opened in front of me to reveal a man which changed my life. A man who drove me crazy. A man who buried the one he loved in front of me and then let himself wide open in front of me, a stranger. And now, that I buried someone I loved too, I felt that I understood him too well.

I felt the need to touch him, to embrace him, to kiss him, to have him pin me to the ground and never let me go but instead, I said:
"Hey."
His eyes looked tired, his body lost weight and my heart broke at the sight of a man which must've been worried to death about me.

**'She suddenly stopped while I was still trying to stop my mind from thinking at anything else, and with blind eyes I watched her as she rose up a little bit, and with a black hand, she grabbed my manhood to put it straight, so it can enter in her.

*' "Fuck!" '*

"Fuck!"**'

'Shit.' I thought as blame hit me straight on. Like he slapped me but the only thing he did was to stare at me but I avoided his gaze for the memory replaced anything I felt before.

For I felt I was unworthy of his worry…

So I passed him by, and walked down the stairs. And I could hear, in the silence of the room, the door closing and then the key locking the door up, and then his hurried steps down the stairs after me. And halfway my road to the room, while looking around passively at the bottles of wine that were all around the once cleaned up room, and there was also no sign that Tamiko still lived with us…no, with him. I was stopped in my tracks by his grip on my arm that turned me around in the instant he touched me and I had no time to speak or breathe as my lips were covered with his.

I tried to push him, to refuse his embrace and kiss but he kept me there, he kissed me and I kissed him back because the truth is that I wanted his kiss him, but I felt that I didn't deserve it. I didn't come to do this. It was a mistake.

But even though he lost weight, he was as strong as ever or maybe, even stronger as he forced me to walk the remaining steps which took me to the bedroom, threw me on the bed and pinned me there, leaving me without any will left to fight him.

His tears were warm against my skin as he kissed every part of me, bit and licked. And I wiped every tear that left my eyes but I was sure he didn't see them in the darkness of the room, though I still made sure the tears didn't touch him.

I was sure that even without my approval, he would've made love to me in that moment if only this wouldn't have been our first time together, and I was sure he didn't want it to be this way. And that's why he stopped halfway.

And I just had to take advantage of the second he stopped to refuse him, and tell him I don't want him. Tell him I don't need him. Tell him I don't love him. And wish that he'll believe me, and in the same time, hope he doesn't.

I am in a war with myself, in a conflict between his well and my selfish love...

'Cause as he cried into the crack of my shoulder, above me...

And as I cried with him…

I was sure I love him.

And that meant I had to make sure he's safe.

I had to make sure I make no mistake to show him where I'm going.

I had to make sure I leave no trace for him to follow.

I had to make sure he hates me.

I had to make sure …I won't lose him too.

"Get off me!" I yelled, and pushed. I wiped my tears as he stood in front of me and off the bed, with endless black eyes filled with infinite pain.

"I didn't come here to stay, I'm here to leave." My words were filled with anger. But despite how it sounded, I only hated myself, I only yelled at myself, reminded myself that staying will kill us both.

"What are you saying, Naruto?"

My name coming from his lips had me silenced a too long second, but I tried and continued the show without facing his eyes.

"I'm saying I choose Sisay over you, and I will live with her from now on."
I assured myself he won't step into Sisay's house ever again.

"What?"
"You heard that well, so leave me the fuck alone! Never search for me, never say my name again. Got it!?"
This is as fake as I can get, but at how drunk he must be, how tired he must be, he doesn't even realize this is not me talking. And even though it hurts me, his horrible state, protects him…from the truth.

"So, now you're bi or something?"
"I'm not bi, I'm not…"
"You choose already, you chose me. When you first arrived, you choose me over Sisay!"
"I didn't choose anything, it just happened."

"It just happened!? We…" he pointed at me and at him and then continued "We, just happened?"

"It's not like that! Why do you have to act like this?"
"Act like what?! I thought we had something, we connected, we… happened!"
"What's wrong with you?!"

"What's wrong with me?" He ironically inquired pointing at himself, "Tell you what, so you two just 'happened' "he underlined the words, still ironic, "so what if we happen to just fuck here, right now!"

He covered me with his whole body, biting my neck, forcing me to stay still. Making bruises all over he touches, and it hurt, for it's just like…rape.

"Stop it! Stop!"

I screamed and pushed him but he'd just come back and start again, continue where he left of. And ten seconds later, I had no power left to push him and when I tried, he's immovable, firm on his ground and I feel so weak and … well punished.

'Rape me; rape me so it won't hurt so much for I'll leave an asshole behind. Rape me so I will be able to forgive myself for cheating you. Rape me so I'll stop loving you…'

But he didn't and at the end of my thoughts, inside, I knew that even if he rapes me, I'll never stop loving him. And that hurt me more than anything.

That gave me the courage to get up and take the first bag I see and fill it with clothes. Gave me the courage to take the book of the 'Uchiha clan' from his own bookcase, and gave me the courage to run when I saw him getting out the bedroom to see what I'm doing.

Loving him gave me the courage to stir the key from the exit door he forgot there and also take the key with me since I knew he had a spare one, and it gave me the courage to run with all my might without looking back though I saw him standing in the doorway looking …dead.

Just my luck that it was night. The darkness covered everything but I knew just the path that led me to the gates. I knew that the soldiers knew to open the gates when they caught a glimpse of a man running in the darkness, just like I told them, and I knew that when they indeed closed the gates behind me, they stopped their King from running after me.

And when I arrived at the driver who's supposed to take me back, I was ignoring the fact that the tears never stopped while I ran and thought that today felt unreal, felt like a nightmare and I just wanted to wake up, and look at my left to see Sasuke sleeping.

And in my exhaustion, and in my wish for it to be just a dream, I fell asleep with tears in my eyes on my way back to the 'other side' to the 'ice side', or just to his brother's side.

But when I woke up, it was to feel too cold, and to fell the silent driver moving my shoulder to wake me up. I was right in my thoughts… that he will never talk if not absolutely necessary.

By now, I was sure that what happened today wasn't just a mere nightmare.

I had to meet the pain and the memory that will never disappear as long as I live.

Sasuke's hurt expression, ravished hair, and cried eyes at the door of the underground house as I ran away.

And I also ran in the castle which welcomed me with its coldness, with its devils lurking in its shadows and with Sasuke's brother which waited for my arrival and who knew, that in the moment when I looked at him, I saw Sasuke in his place.

And that was the only reason why; I kneeled in front of him.

To be continued…

AN2: Well, Happy Christmas to all my readers! Thank you for reading me, it's a pleasure for me to write and find out you like what I write so it's really a Happy Christmas to me too. Hope you all have a great holiday, be healthy and happy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

See you next Sunday.

Answering Reviews:

Cassy: Of course I forgive you! But you don't need to apologize! This holiday is pretty crazy at me too but I just can't let my readers down… I take any free second I get to write, to post, and do whatever there is to do. I don't know what shadow you've thought about when you wrote the review, I pretty much know there are a lot of things going on and will go on in the future, it will turn out…pretty ugly :D hope you'll like it nonetheless. Well, I am glad you don't but it seems many of them didn't like it, though I will use one or two from now on, it's inevitable, you'll see why.

And well, don't worry if you're yet to have a theory, I know some ideas are introduced about the reality of things but it's not yet concrete (I underline yet) so…this is my Christmas Gift? What do you say? I think it's crazy and the next one is crazier but hey, no more hints, I am already giving you a lot of suspense, no? Well, thank you very much, you just keep me writing and it makes my holidays happier to know you'll read and like it. Then again, A Happy Christmas to you!