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Chapter 26

"Clara!" John shouted as he darted after her, right into the maze. She was ahead of him and he had no idea which route she had taken, but he just had to try. He had to find her. "Clara! Wait!"

John took turns at random, following the faint sound of Clara's footsteps and he was sure that studying the map last night wouldn't help him find his way out again because after just a minute of running he had lost track of where in the maze he was. Then John glimpsed a strip of red fabric as Clara hurried around a corner.

"Clara!" he called out once more and sped up his pace. Just before she turned around the next corner John had a chance to reach for her arm. "Clara, stop!"

"I'm not gonna be next!" she yelled at him and when she turned around, John saw the tears in her eyes. "I'm never gonna be next!"

John frowned at her in reply. Clara was clearly upset, but he had no idea what had happened or why she was suddenly so very emotional. But he knew that he wanted to understand.

"I'm never gonna get married!" she sobbed and John didn't know what else he could do, so he simply closed his arms around her in a gentle embrace.

"I know you said you don't want to get married, but-"

"I wanted to," Clara admitted, her voice muffled while her face was buried in his tunic. Then suddenly she pushed herself away from him and John watched her wipe her tears from her face. "Oh God, I'm crying. I'm crying in front of a client. Great. That's. . . that's great."

He felt utterly helpless. Emotions, crying, women, none of this had ever been his area of expertise and he had no idea what he could do about it. But Clara was sad and John felt the strong urge to comfort her, to make it better as best as he could.

"Clara, what's wrong?" he asked carefully.

She hesitated for a long moment, looking at him while the tears filled her eyes again.

"I was gonna get married," she confessed after a while, her voice husky and heavy with emotion. "I was gonna have it all, the dream wedding, the dream dress, everything. I had planned it all."

"What happened?" John wanted to know.

Clara shrugged and sniffed. "He died."

"Oh," he uttered and the silence that followed seemed endless and incredibly awkward. He should have known. Somehow he felt like he should have known. "I'm sorry."

"Your compassion isn't gonna bring Danny back, so shut up!"

"Clara-"

"No," she cut him off, her voice sharp, "I don't wanna hear it. I've had more than enough people telling me how sorry they are, how I deserve better, how I'm gonna find another man and get married after all. I'm sick and tired of it!"

"I'm only getting married because I don't wanna be alone," John blurted out. There, he had said it now. It was the only thing he could think of and he wasn't even sure why. If Clara didn't want to hear how sorry he was, he was going to give her something else. And apparently, it worked.

Clara frowned at him for a while, obviously needing a moment to let his words sink in, but her tears had stopped.

"At least you were gonna get married for love," he told her. "I'm getting married because I'm a coward. I'm afraid of dying alone. I'm afraid to tell her that the proposal was an accident. I just don't wanna be on my own."

"John-" Clara began, but then she broke off and her shoulders sank while she uttered a short, soft laugh. Then the tears came back.

He had no other choice, so John stepped forward once more and placed his hands on her shoulder.

"They are right," he told her. "You do deserve better and you will find someone else. Just don't make the same mistakes I made. Don't wait too long. Don't settle for second best. Don't let the grief eat you up. The person you lost can never be replaced, but there are so many other people out there who deserve a chance as well."

Clara sniffed once more, but then nodded and suddenly the strange idea to kiss her crossed his mind. But instead of giving in to the sudden urge, John let his hands slide down her arms until they came to rest around her wrists. He lifted her hands to his mouth and placed a long, soft kiss on her knuckles. Clara smiled at him in response, but her features soon grew serious again.

"Why are you settling for second best?" she wanted to know.

John shrugged. "Liz is a good person, she's nice, I like her a lot-"

"Like her?" she asked. "I think you should more than like someone to get married."

Suddenly he regretted bringing up the subject because even though it had taken her mind off her fiancé's death, somehow he knew that Clara wouldn't drop the matter any time soon.

"Ah, it's too late for me. I'm old. I'm never gonna find someone who likes this face," he said with a laugh and pointed towards his head. "You, however, have all the options in the world."

He could tell by the look on her face that Clara was about to say something, but he decided to not give her a chance.

"Hey, how about we go back to the others? I'm sure you'll be missed by now and I think it's almost lunchtime," John reasoned, giving Clara a soft nudge.

There was a moment of hesitation from her side, but eventually she agreed with a smile.

The rest of the day passed in a blur and John almost regretted that tomorrow they would have to go back. Clara's spirits had lifted again and even though sometimes he still caught her looking just a tiny bit lost in thought, they soon joined the others for an extensive lunch. The weather was amazing, so instead of sitting indoor, they spread blankets for everyone on the lawn and the guests proceeded to have a huge picnic. The games started afterwards and finally, Clara seemed to have buried all bad thoughts. She looked happy and laughed while they played cricket before men and women were divided into groups for a game of hide and seek. Each man was supposed to find one woman and of course he had been assigned to Clara, who turned out to be very good at hiding. Eventually, John found her in the maze before the roles were switched and he tried in vain to hide behind a bush.

When the sun set and it was growing colder, the guests retreated inside Hever Castle and this time John couldn't evade Jackie for the whole evening, but luckily Clara soon came to his aid – yet not after laughing at his attempts to pretend he was very bad at dancing just to get rid of Jackie Tyler. He and Clara danced all night, only stopping for a brief moment to rest their feet and have dinner while listening to a speech prepared by Rose and her husband. John had had his doubts about this wedding, but now that he was here, actually taking part, he had to admit that he liked it. It was big, it was pompous and romantic and he still liked it. Maybe, if the circumstances were different, he wouldn't mind having just exactly this kind of wedding with his own bride.

When Rose and Ten kissed in front of the crowd and confessed their love once again, John glanced towards Clara to see if she was wrinkling her nose, having said before how much she hated romance, but instead he found her gazing longingly at the couple in front of them – before their eyes met across the table and she smiled at him. John forced himself to smile back. One day Clara would forget about her aversion and marry the man she loved. And the thought about it stung.