After dinner Dean and Nick made their way slowly up the stairs.
"I feel like I'm ninety." Nick admitted when they finally reached the top. His body was stiff from sitting all afternoon and the last helping of hot chili had left him warm and sleepy. He just wasn't sure if he could sleep alone in his bed and wondered if he should simply ask Dean if they could share a bed again.
"You certainly aged well." Dean joked but his movements weren't that smooth either.
When Dean opened the door to the guest room Nick was suddenly wide awake again.
"What …?" He stammered at the sight of the rearrange room. "When …? Why …?"
The two beds now stood as one in the middle of the room with the nightstands on its sides. Next to him Dean let out a chuckle but became earnest the next second.
"I hope this is okay for you." He said and suddenly he sounded uncertain. "I thought that if we end up in the same bed anyway we could at least make sure that the bed is big enough for both of us."
Nick didn't know what to say.
"I can get them apart in less than a minute if you like that better." Dean hurried to say when Nick just stared.
"Thank you." Was all Nick could think off and placed a little kiss on Dean's cheek.
"Awesome." Dean smiled like he'd landed the biggest coup ever. "Let's get ready for bed, then. I'm beat."
Nick brushed his teeth with his new toothbrush. He would have never guessed that he would be happy to have his own toothbrush but somehow it helped him to feel like a real person again.
When he came back to their room he found a bare-chested Dean bent over his bag in search for a t-shirt for the night. Normally Nick would appreciate that kind of view but now he felt sick.
Dean had bruises. A lot of them. Some so dark they seemed black, some hand-shaped. And scratches from fingernails. Bite marks. All over his upper body and more were hidden under the sweatpants he was wearing, Nick had no doubt.
I did this to him. A new wave of guilt washed over him.
"I'd like to check the marks she left on your back." Dean put the t-shirt on and gave Nick a concerned look. "I know you're not exactly comfortable with showing skin right now but we need to make sure nothing gets infected."
Numbly Nick sat down on the bed and lifted his shirt far enough for Dean to check his wounds. He was exposed and Dean was behind him and Nick closed his eyes and focused on breathing until Dean carefully smoothed the shirt back down.
"Looks good." Dean scrambled around to sit next to Nick. For some reason Nick breathed easier when Dean wasn't behind him anymore.
"How about the other thing?" Dean asked, gesturing at Nick's lower part. "Everything okay?"
"It's fine." For a second Nick feared that Dean wanted to have a look at that as well but Dean only looked at him for moment and then seemed to be satisfied.
"Let's turn in then."
They lay down next to each other, close but without touching. Nick had his back to Dean and he wanted nothing more than for Dean to spoon behind him but he didn't dare to ask. After he'd seen what he'd done to Dean how could he ever ask for anything ever again? Those bruises told the story of violent sex, of rape.
Nick on the other hand had nothing worse than strained muscles and a tender dick which meant that Dean hadn't even fought back.
"Why haven't you said anything?" Nick finally asked.
"About the beds?" Dean asked back, not sleeping either. "You were busy geeking out with Sam and Bobby, you looked happy. I didn't want to interrupt you."
"That's not what I mean." He rolled to his other side, facing Dean. "About the fact that you're one gigantic walking bruise."
"Don't worry about that. It's nothing, I'd worse." Dean sounded almost amused.
"But …"
"Shh, nothing but." He stroke Nick's cheek gently and for a second Nick wondered how Dean could even find his face in the dark. "I'm okay, we're okay."
Nick wanted to believe that but how could they be okay if Nick himself wasn't okay? Deep down Nick knew that he wasn't okay, maybe would never be okay ever again. What she'd done to him went deeper than the physical act. It was an open wound on his soul, raw and bleeding.
"Could you just hold me?" The tears were back but he let them run freely.
Dean didn't answer, he simply drew him closer. Cupping Nick's head with one hand and placing his other one in the middle of Nick's back, Dean just hold him.
Face buried in Dean's chest Nick cried himself to sleep.
When Nick woke up the next morning, the room was flooded in bright sunlight, Dean was spooning warm behind him with one arm thrown over Nick, still holding him close, and his morning wood pressed against Nick's ass.
It took a while for the last bit of information to sink in but when Nick finally realized that it was the outline of Dean's erection he felt though the fabric between them, he went from drowsy to wide awake in a heartbeat. His first reaction was to jump out of the bed, away from Dean, but that would wake Dean and then he would notice his current state and then everything would become awkward. Dean may would refuse to sleep in the same bed with him to prevent future incidents like this. Or maybe not but it would still be awkward as hell.
Nick shifted a little bit to make sure that he really was feeling what he thought he was feeling but yes, this wasn't Dean's hand or anything like this. Dean's penis, erected, there was no doubt about that and due to Nick's shifting it now rested between his ass cheeks.
Dean mumbled something in his sleep, rolled his hips a little bit and then he let out a happy sigh.
Nick's chest tightened. He couldn't do this. Panic rose again but he fought against it. All he had to do was to get out of the bed without waking Dean. Easy as pie. He just needed to breathe nice and slow and everything would be fine.
Carefully he lifted Dean's arm far enough to get out from under it and then Nick rolled out of the bed. Dean smacked his lips and blindly searched for Nick but then settled down again without waking. Nick tiptoed out of the room and only breathed easier when he'd locked the bathroom door behind himself. Shaking he sat on the rim of the bathtub before he felt steady enough for a shower.
The hot water, he nudged the temperature up until he could barely stand the heat, washed away the strains she had left on him and when he came out of the shower his skin burned and felt raw but clean. At least for the moment.
He hadn't thought of clean clothes when he'd left the guest room and he didn't want to go back and risk waking Dean. So Nick put his sleeping clothes back on and went downstairs in search for a coffee. Like the day before Nick followed the aroma of fresh coffee but there was nobody in the kitchen.
There were voices coming from the front door, tough. One he identified as Bobby's but the other one wasn't Sam's and Nick wasn't in the mood to deal with new people so he helped himself with some coffee first. Bobby and the other person kept talking the next few minutes and Nick had to admit he was a little bit curious. It was still early in the morning, Sam and Dean were both still asleep, so who was this early visitor? Somehow Nick doubted this was a customer for the salvage yard.
Making sure that he couldn't be seen from the front door Nick glanced around the corner. Bobby blocked his view on the visitor, he only caught a glimpse of a khaki-clad leg and a shoulder dressed in the same color. That combined with the fact that Bobby was holding a newspaper, Nick didn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure this one out.
Relieved, the newspaper guy wouldn't come in or even stay for longer, Nick returned to the kitchen where he nursed his coffee until Bobby came back.
"Well, somebody is chatty today." Bobby threw the paper on the table and went for a coffee. "Three years and he barely gets out a good morning and today he's rattling like a machine gun."
"Something to worry about?" Nick asked and hold his cup out for a refill.
"Na." Bobby made a dismissive gesture. "He just saw Dean's car and couldn't stop cooing over it. Good thing Dean wasn't there or they would be talking shop till noon."
"Probably." Nick smiled. Dean loved talking about cars in general and his car in specific but sadly Nick was with Sam on this one. A car was one of those things with four wheels, right?
"Dean's still sleeping?" Bobby cracked the first egg into the pan. Looked like breakfast would be the same as yesterday, scrambled eggs, bacon and toast but Nick didn't mind. He hadn't eaten much of his breakfast the other day anyway.
"Like a baby." Nick rolled the cup between his hands. A baby with morning wood and there was so much wrong with that thought that Nick forced himself to think of something else. Which brought the sight of Dean's battered body back to his mind.
"Something wrong?" Spatula in hand Bobby eyed him from under his cap.
"I hurt Dean." It was out of his mouth before he knew it. "Pretty bad. He's bruised all over." He didn't mention the scratches and bite marks, that would have been too embarrassing.
Bobby cleared his throat and a part of Nick expected him to yell at him, to throw him out of his house. But Bobby sat down next to Nick without saying anything for a moment.
"Okay, listen son." Bobby finally spoke. "First, you were under the influence of the venom, you had no control over what you did. Second, Dean is a big boy who knows how to defend himself. I'm pretty sure he kept you from hurting him too much. And last, you've been with him for a year now. I really don't wanna know details but when you two were together you must have seen injuries on him before. That boy can't go the length of a week without getting banged up."
Nick couldn't help but smile at the last part. And Bobby was right Nick had seen Dean, and Sam too, in worse conditions. Nick remembered cuts and bruises, phone calls late in the night from the one sitting vigil at the other one's bed. Dean was right, he had worse. However, this time it had been Nick who'd done this to him.
One of the phones started ringing.
"Balls." Bobby glance at the clock on the wall. "Do they know what time it is?"
He stood up and handed Nick the spatula.
"I have to get this. Keep an eye on the eggs, would ya?"
Dumbfounded Nick took the kitchen utensil and stepped over to the stove. Scrambled eggs couldn't be that hard, right? Uncertainly he poked at the mess in the pan while behind him Bobby answered the call.
"Agent Willis." He said with authority in his voice and not for the first time Nick wondered what he'd gotten himself into.