Stop and Go

"Zack," he says. Before I can object, he says, "Something's wrong."

My body goes into automatic mode as I run towards the elevators, pushing the up button again and again. "What's wrong with him? Is he hurt?" I ask, dreading the answer.

"Maddie," Cody says as he takes my hand away from the elevator button. "He's not hurt…well physically that is. We need to talk though."

I somewhat unwillingly let Cody take my hand and lead me towards the empty ballroom. He sits us down on some empty chairs and lets out a huge breath. After a couple of silent moments, I look up into Cody's face to ask what's wrong. His face betrays emotions of pain, hurt, and sadness. Unable to handle the suspense, I finally ask, "What's up Cody?"

"I'm…I'm not even sure how to…the thing is…" Cody stumbles for words, which I've never seen happen before. Cody's usually so self-assured and confident in anything that he says. "What I have to tell you is really…hard to put into words, but I'll try the best I can."

"Sure…" I say slowly. After more moments of silence I exclaim, "Please, what is going on?"

After letting out another large breath of air, Cody says, "I was in our suite when the doorbell rang. When I answered it the girl Zack made out with at the party, Kelly, was there. She, being the dumb bimbo that she is, thought I was Zack and started to talk about what a great time she had at the party…well before the fire that is." I unintentionally winced at the memory of not knowing whether Zack was stuck in that burning house or not. "Well, I was curious as to how she was able to get Zack to cheat on you with her, since I knew how devoted he is to you." I snort at that one.

"Anyway," Cody continues "She got to talking about how her friend gave her some "snowflakes" that could make anybody hers."

With a questioning look, I say, "I'm confused."

"As was I," Cody carries on. "So I asked her what she was talking about. She told me her friend told her to put them in drinks to make them "yummy". So I went online and did some research. I already had an inkling about she was talking about, and my research just proved my theories…unfortunately. Maddie…she gave Zack gamma hydroxybutyric acid."

"English please?" I sigh, not liking where this is going.

"GHB." Cody replies.

"Come again?" I ask, starting to get exasperated now.

"GHB is what people call a…date rape drug." Cody sneaks a peek at me, gauging my reaction to this information. To say that I'm socked is an understatement, but for now, I'm trying to remain as passive as possible, hoping to wake up from this bad dream soon. "It makes people experience all the symptoms Zack had. We just overlooked them because we thought that they were in reaction to the fire. More importantly though, they make a person unaware of what they are doing or what they did while under the influence of this drug. This is why Zack doesn't remember cheating on you! It wasn't him Maddie. It was the drug along with the persuasion of a manipulative girl! We got lucky though…" he finishes. I stare at him bewildered. How does he consider this lucky? "If Zack had too much…well…he might not be here right now." Cody chokes out.

Oh…

I start pinching my arm hard over and over again, which earns me a puzzled look from Cody.

"Oh," I say, answering his unspoken question. "I'm just waiting to wake up. Any minute now, I'll be conscious again and waking up in Zack's arms."

"This isn't a dream," Cody says angrily.

I put my head in my hands in shame and sadness. How could I not know this happened to him? I'm the WORST girlfriend ever. Zack has always supported me, no matter what I went through. He's been there these past couple of months, especially since moving out of my parent's house. And the one time he needs me to believe in him and love him more than ever before, I don't, because I'm too caught up in my jealously and insecurities to see that he was telling me the truth! "Does he know?" I ask in a quiet, feeble voice.

"No…" Cody whispers. "I thought you should tell him."

"Wait," I say suddenly, a thought occurring to me. "Something doesn't make sense. The other day he gave me flowers, but said the box of chocolates he had were for someone else, which must mean that he's been seeing this Kelly behind my back ever since the fire, long after the effects of the drug were out of his system."

"Those weren't for Kelly." Cody says, assuredly.

I let out a dramatic sigh, "Oh great. Another women for me to worry about."

"Let's go. I've got to show you something." Cody exclaims, getting up from the table and walking towards the parking garage. When we get there, he says, "Let's take your car."

"Where are we going?" I say, exasperated. "Where's your car?"

"Zack's got it. I'll drive." He says determinedly, hoping into the driver's seat and starting the car. I quickly get in the passenger seat and buckle up before he drives off without me. I've decided to remain silent for this ride, needing to think over what Cody told me in the ballroom. Guilt washes over me like a ton of bricks, but I'm not going to make this situation about me and my silly feelings. It's time that I just focus on Zack's needs and happiness. I know that he puts me first and now it's my turn to do the same.

When the car stops and Cody shuts off the engine, I look up. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't the hospital. I thought Cody told me Zack wasn't hurt? With fearful eyes, I hurriedly unbuckle my seat belt and jump out of the car.

"Maddie slow down!" Cody yells, running quickly after me and into the hospital. Apparently reading my mind, he says, "He isn't hurt, but he is here. Follow me."

Confounded, I follow him down the long hallways, turning left and right over and over again. Finally, Cody halts and points towards a hospital room on the other side of the hall. We approach it slowly, but when we get there, my eyes rapidly try to understand the scene in front of me.

Zack is sitting on the end of a hospital bed, holding a video game controller, while his eyes are fixated to the television screen in front of him. Lying on the bed, in a white hospital gown, is a boy who looks no older than six. His arm is hooked up to an IV, but nonetheless also has a video game controller in his hand. Seeming so engrossed in the game, it's hard to see that he's sick at first glance, but upon closer expectation it's impossible to ignore the deathly pale skin and tired looking eyes he has. Wanting to take my eyes off of his weak form, I glance around the room. Of course, a box of candies, the ones I thought Zack were giving to Kelly, were lying open on a nearby table, with half of the chocolates eaten.

"I don't know what's wrong with him. Zack won't tell me. The only reason why I know about him is because I followed Zack one time when I was sick of him hogging the car all the time and wanted to know where he was always jetting off to. Now that I know why he is though, I can't find it in myself to care." Cody says softly.

Suddenly, the mysterious, young boy starts into a hacking coughing fit. Seeing this, Zack quickly pauses the video game and gets off the hospital bed. He grabs an oxygen mask that's sitting next to the box of candies and silently puts it over the boy's face. He presses the button for a nurse, while holding the coughing boy, rubbing small circles over his back and running a hand through his hair. The young boy is gripping Zack's shirt tightly in a small fist in pain, although he seems to be breathing a little bit better. Just then, a nurse enters the room and starts fiddling around with various medical equipment. Zack takes this as his cue to leave, as he gets up and leaves the room, but not before taking part in some extravagant, secret handshake that the young boy can only do half heartedly due to his current condition.

My heart quickens at the sight of him when he enters the hallway. When he looks up, his eyes immediately lock onto mine. When he realizes what I saw, he looks down at the floor and then back up at Cody in a glare. "Why did you bring her here?" Zack asks lowly, hating vulnerability.

"I…wanted to know what the candies were for." I explain with a small voice, feeling badly for not trusting Zack.

"Well, now you know." Zack says sharply before taking off in a brisk walk towards the parking lot.

Cody and I follow, and when he gets to his car I shout, "Zack wait! I just saw something very personal, a side of you that I've never known. I'd like to return the favor."

After a few moments, Zack places his keys into my outstretched hand. It feels like something more than keys that Zack is giving me, like trust or love.

Once we say our good-byes to Cody, we hop into the car and I start off towards the place that I've never shown anyone before. I can see Zack struggling to hold in his questions during our drive. Looking at his face for the duration of every red light we come across, I wonder how I ever got lucky enough to have this man enter my life, to love me even. The look in his pure blue eyes is one of innocence and kindness, not the same as when he was drugged. I should have noticed that change before, but I was too caught up in my emotions to see. I'm going to try my hardest to make that up to him though.

I park the car once we get to my secret hiding spot and began walking towards the little forest. Without question, Zack follows closely behind me. We enter the little circle of trees and I motion for Zack to sit next to me on the large rock.

"This is where I go when I'm upset. Whether its fights with my parents or just stress in my life in general, this place always seems to be able to keep me calm. I've never shown this to anyone, afraid they'd know exactly where to find me when I didn't want to be found, but I want you to see where I go to think. It may not seem like a big deal, but…for me it is." I say slowly, while gazing into his eyes, which hold no judgment in them.

"Thanks for trusting me enough to share this with me. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the kid in the hosital before…his name isMathew." Zack whispers with sadness in his eyes.

"I understand." I say, stroking his hair. Now for the hard part. "I need to talk to you about something. I really need you to listen to this okay?"

Zack nods seriously.

"Cody had a talk with me earlier today. The girl who you kissed at the party-"

Zack interrupts me by saying, "Maddie I swear to you I didn't kiss anybody."

"This girl, Kelly, came over to your suite and thought that you were Cody. Cody got her into talking and well…" I let out a large puff of air, acting the same way Cody did earlier. "I'm just going to come right out and say this. She…she dr-drugged you with GHB, which is basically a… date rape drug. That's why you didn't remember kissing Kelly."

I change my stare from the mossy ground to his face, anxious of his reaction to the news. When I catch a glimpse of him, his face is void of emotion. Acting just as I did. Then he startles me by quickly jumping up from his sitting position on the rock and revealing the true anger hidden behind his false façade. His breathing turns fast and heavy as he heads towards a tree and starts hitting it with his bare hands. Seeing the cuts and blood already making their appearance, I swiftly run up behind him and grab his wrists, making him stop automatically.

He turns around to me, and grabs my face gently with both of his hands before leaning his forehead against mine. I put my arms around my panting Zack and rack my brain for anything comforting to say at the moment. "It's okay Zack. Well, it's not okay, but we are going to be okay. What happened wasn't anyone's fault."

"How can you say that?" Zack questions, breaking our embrace to stare openly at me with furious eyes. For a minute, I thought he was going to blame me for not knowing sooner, but like always he does the complete opposite of what I expect. "I'm the one who dragged you into my messed up life. It kills me inside when I see you upset or heartbroken, and I'm the cause of it. Whatever anyone else does, it's my responsibility to make sure you feel loved and happy. And right now, I'm doing a pretty crappy job at that."

"Zack," I begin. "That's not-"

"You deserve so much better than me." Zack announces in a quiet voice.

"No," I say firmly, grabbing his face like he did to me earlier. "Don't ever say that. If anything, it's the other way around. You are the sweetest and most genuine person I know. I love every part of you, no matter how drama filled your life is. Heck, I'm not one to talk about drama filled lives. I accept and love who are and where you come from, just like you do with me."

Zack stares at me for what could possibly be ten minutes straight. His face first shows understanding, then sadness, and finally, determination.

"We can't be together any more Maddie. It's hurting you, and I won't let that happen. Your wellbeing is worth more to me than anything…which is why I have to let you go, as painful as it is. You'll thank me for this one day." Zack exclaims with sadness evident in his voice.

His words break my heart into pieces all over again. Just as it was about to be mended again. But there's no time for sadness or hopelessness right now. I need to fight.

"I can choose who I want to be with and I can handle anything life throws at us. Don't I get a say in all this?" I ask with anger in my voice to keep out my obvious despair.

Zack simply utters, "No." before walking away from my secret hiding place.

Hey hey everyone! Only two weeks for this update! The reason for the lack of update is because I've got exams coming up, along with a term paper, a research project, and an English essay. I'm SWAMPED! But it will all be over by June 9th, and then I'll be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (fyi, that means more frequent updates). As always, pretty please leave a review. It always makes my stressful day better.