"I want you to know with everything I won't let this go."
We lined up outside our cells quietly. It occurred to me that this was the first time I'd been out of that closet for…hmm. I don't actually know. A week? Month? I pursed my lips and shook my head. What did it matter, really? I needed to focus on now and trying to survive, not on the wild urge to run headlong through the long hallways of the facility.
I tried to force my body and mind to control themselves, to keep my wits about me. I tried to avoid the rabid thoughts chasing one another through my brain.
We're about to find out what they want from us, aren't we?
Why would they heal us before killing us?
Maybe so they could experiment on us…do we really know where the flu came from?
I tried to make my breathing even, slow my heartbeat, and dutifully place one foot in front of the other as the three of us were herded out of the hall. Soon, we were led into a different room, smelling strongly of bleach, full of what appeared to be metal bathroom stalls. One of the guards gestured at the stalls with his gun.
"Decontamination showers," he said dispassionately. I stared warily at the open doors. After so long in captivity, I had a hard time believing anything CEDA said. The guard sighed impatiently and nudged each of us into our own stall, bolting the doors from the outside. I heard echoing footsteps and the metallic bang of another lock as the guards left. I tried to look to the stalls to either side of me, hoping for some semblance of reassurance from Zoey or Rochelle, but the walls were too close to both the ceiling and floor. Just as I gave up on that with an annoyed sigh, the showerhead at the end of the stall turned on with a hiss, making me jump.
"Shit!" I swore loudly, plastering myself against the door to avoid the foul smelling spray. "What now?" My voice sounded desperate even to me. Somewhere in the room, a speaker system began spouting off instructions,
"Please remove your clothing, placing it in the bin to your left, and step under the spray. Avoid swallowing the decontaminant or allowing contact with your eyes. Once you have been decontaminated, agents will escort you to the next stage."
"Next stage of what?" Zoey spat from the stall to my left. I heard Rochelle sigh from my other side.
"I'm not sure," she admitted, "but it doesn't look like they're going to let us out of here until we do what they say." Grudgingly, I had to admit she was right. It didn't look like there was any other way out of this. If this isn't what they say it is, I better at least turn into the Hulk or something…I shed my clothes and slid them into the small bin. Incinerator maybe? I kind of doubt CEDA has dry cleaning. I took a deep breath, bracing myself, before closing my eyes and mouth tightly and walking directly under the showerhead.
"Ungh…" I groaned incoherently as the spray stung sensitive areas on my exposed skin, not daring to open my mouth to make any other sound. I covered my most recent injury, the knuckles I'd managed to skin punching a concrete wall in my sleep, and waited for the stinging shower to be over.
After a few torturous minutes, the toxic-smelling spray finally stopped and the voice came back on the invisible speaker system,
"Please move to the next checkpoint through the open door." I glanced at the stall door opening behind me and sighed.
"Great," I said. I glanced in the general direction of where I thought the speakers were. "Hey, disembodied voice! Ya mind giving us clothes? A towel? Anything?" Zoey laughed next door.
"Of course, right?" she said sarcastically. "Well, might as well deal with it. Don't look at my ass. CEDA's getting enough of a show." I snorted and walked out of my stall, dutifully keeping my eyes down.
The next room was the same exact setup: several shower stalls without much else. I wonder what they're going to spray us with this time. My skin still felt raw and irritated from the decontamination showers of the last room. But, knowing I couldn't exactly gnaw through the thick metal doors enclosing us in the room, I dutifully stepped inside a stall and closed the door.
I laughed out loud when I saw what was in this stall.
"Wait…" I heard Rochelle say, "…is this an…actual shower? Like soap and shampoo?" Zoey gasped on the other side.
"Holyshititsarazor!" she exploded, blurring the sentence into one word. I laughed again.
"Doesn't take a lot to perk you up, does it?" I asked. The nozzles turned on and I shrugged and moved skeptically closer.
"Well, I don't know about you, but when I haven't been able to shave for a mo—"
"Oh my God," I interrupted loudly, "this water is nice…" Zoey snorted.
"Pfft. Hypocrite." What a difference a few weeks made. In the beginning, this would've been close to a shouting match, not lighthearted teasing.
"Oh, come on! We've all been washing from a bucket for how long…"
"Sweetie?" Rochelle interrupted.
"Yeah?"
"Can this wait a few minutes?" Ellis, sweetie, can this wait? I half smiled.
"Okay."
In retrospect, that shower probably wasn't the best thing that had ever happened to me. It probably wasn't even the best shower, but it certainly felt like it. I hadn't had the chance for a decent wash in a long time; even when we were given the buckets, we'd kept our clothes on while we tried to bathe. So, the chance to be under an actual spray of hot water, not to mention the ability to wash my hair and shave, made me almost giddily happy for the duration of the shower.
As soon as it ended though, and I was in the middle of finally putting on newly issued clothes, I snapped out of it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. We are still trapped in a CEDA facility. We are not safe. Everything is not fine. Keep your guard up.
The next room we were brought into was much less ominous: just a simple space with a few aging chairs, almost like a waiting room in a doctor's office. The three of us took the opportunity to sit down. I started nervously twining wet hair around my finger while we waited. What exactly is going on?
We didn't have to wonder long. After a few minutes, we were joined by a couple of CEDA guards and another older man in scrubs. For the first time, none of them were wearing protective masks. The older man smiled apologetically at us as he unpacked a few vials and syringes from a small bag.
"Sorry," he started, "but we can't be too careful you know? Can't tell ya how many times we've jumped the gun on people. Takes up to two weeks to fully change in some people, so we need to make sure everyone's clean before comin' in."
"Wait," Zoey interrupted, "Jumped the gun as in…" The doctor nodded.
"Yup. Managed to let a few pre-infected into the safe zone. I wouldn't really worry about it though. We haven't had a whole lotta problems since the vaccine." Pre-infected? Safe zone? I wanted to raise my eyebrows at him. How could he be so nonchalant about accidentally letting monsters loose in a supposed safe zone?
"Vaccine?" Rochelle asked. "You mean there's a cure?" The doctor shrugged and chuckled.
"No…just a preventative vaccine now. If you're already infected, it doesn't do much more'n piss you off. But we're gettin' off topic," he rubbed his hands together, " Now, since you ladies were out for…two to four weeks…my guess is, you've gotta be carriers." I noticed Zoey flinch next to me. I was tense myself; I remembered what Zoey had seen done to most of the carriers at her last CEDA base. The doctor frowned. "I suppose I should explain. Ya see, carriers are—"
"No," Zoey interrupted bitingly, "You actually don't need to explain. We're infected, but don't show symptoms. So cut the bullshit, line us up against a wall, fucking shoot us and get it over with!" The doctor looked alarmed.
"Now why in the hell would we do that?" he asked. He seemed genuinely confused, but I didn't think that really meant anything. "I mean, it mighta been a bit of a hazard early on, before the vaccine, but really! If anything, you three are lucky."
"Lucky?" I echoed incredulously. The doctor was already nodding.
"Of course! It's a natural defense! Being out there so long, it was the only thing keeping you…well…human." We were mystified. From what I'd heard, being a carrier was a death sentence. What exactly is going on? "Anyway, as I was saying, you're all technically infected. But, you aren't gonna mutate. Way I see it, not to be blunt or anything, we could use as much genetic resistance to this in the future as we can get. Regardless, though, we are still trying to find a cure, not just a preventative measure. If we can figure out what in your genetic code is keeping you and all the others from mutating, maybe we can find a way to reverse the disease completely." Suddenly, the syringes made sense.
"Oh," I said tiredly, "You need more blood." The doctor pursed his lips.
"Unfortunately, yes." I shrugged and offered him my right arm. Might as well get it over with…
"Oh my…" the doctor trailed off, sucking in a sharp breath when he saw the purpling marks in the crease of my arm. "Damn…did it ever occur to them to try the other arm?" He shook his head and took my left arm instead. "Morons. Wouldn't kill them to send a few more staff with actual medical credentials into quarantine once in a while…" I grinned ruefully and paid detailed attention to a distant smudge on the white walls while my blood was drawn. I looked down after he finished up and almost laughed. There was actually a bandage on my arm from the blood draw. I couldn't remember the last time a CEDA official had bothered to be even that considerate. I decided to take a chance.
"Excuse me? Doctor…" I glanced at his nametag, "Gundersen? Do you know what happened to the others who came in with us?" Dr. Gundersen paused in his capping of my blood sample.
"Wish I could," he said quietly, "All I can say is, you better hope they aren't infected." Despite myself, I did feel a little better. It should be obvious that they aren't infected, right? All of them have been exposed just as long as we have. It took a few more minutes to finish getting everyone's blood sample before we were finally released.
"Alright," Dr. Gundersen started, "Ya should be all set. I'm gonna give each of you an ID. Bring that to the desk over there and someone'll give you a key to your room." I frowned.
"A room?" I asked skeptically. He bobbed his head once and smiled.
"Course. If you can call it that…but you've got your own bed and a door that locks. Not too shabby. Good luck!" He turned and walked through a door I hadn't seen before, taking the lightly armed CEDA agents with him. Dazed and more than a little confused, the three of us went up to the desk in the far corner of the room and were assigned keys. I could almost hear my rapid heartbeat in my ears as we opened the doors to the next, much larger area.
I squinted into the sudden light and realized there were a ton of people milling around the open space. Most seemed to be CEDA workers, sans masks and semiautomatic weapons now that we were out of quarantine, but a few were wearing the simpler gray uniform we had been given as refugees. I was briefly awed and elated. More survivors! So many more than I ever thought there would be!
But, in the next moment, my heart fell to my feet. I can't see them…but…it must have been a misunderstanding. There's no other way. No other explanation. My eyes hardened and I rooted myself to the spot, forcing myself to concentrate. I blinked rapidly and cupped a hand over my eyes as I scanned the crowd. No…no…no…wait. My searching gaze stopped on someone at the other end of the room. It was so far away, it was impossible to see much of anything. There was really no reason for me to believe the distant, dark-haired figure could possibly be…
"Ellis?" I whispered unconsciously. One foot uprooted itself and dropped hesitantly forward. Just then, logic decided to take a backseat. Subtlety be damned, I cupped my hands around my mouth and screamed unabashedly, "Ellis!" There's so much noise. Even if it is him, which it probably isn't, how do you expect him to possibly hear-
I swore I saw his head turn.
All thoughts fled my mind as I tore through the crowd, sprinting in a way I hadn't expected my injuries to allow me. I dodged clumsily around shocked refugees and agents, focused single-mindedly on my goal. I tripped once, skinning my knee raw against the unforgiving concrete, but recovered quickly; the pain didn't even register.
I was close, so close I imagined the details I couldn't quite see: the color of his eyes, the shape of his mouth, the little scar across the bridge of his nose. I saw him turn to watch me with an utterly shocked look on his face, his mouth forming words my ringing ears wouldn't allow me to hear. I saw his arms hesitantly open as I got even closer and I reacted once more without thinking, throwing myself into his arms and wrapping my arms tightly around his neck as my momentum carried us in a dizzy circle. His arms tightened around me as we came to a stop. My feet were barely skimming the ground. When I finally gained the courage to look up and see that it was actually him, I couldn't seem to force my mouth to form words. I just stood there, mouth opening hesitantly every now and then, before burrowing back into his shoulder and whispering,
"I missed you." It was about the least significant, most obvious thing I could have possibly said after all these weeks, but it didn't seem to matter. Ellis just laughed and held me a little tighter,
"I missed you too."
"Well, what are we, Princess? Chopped liver?" Ellis finally dropped me fully on the ground, keeping his arms wrapped around my waist. I turned my head to see Nick and Coach standing behind me, shaking his head and half smirking. Having gotten most of my enthusiasm out of my system, I just leaned back into Ellis' chest and smiled widely,
"Nice to see you too." Nick laughed, actually laughed, and shook his head,
"First time I've heard that."
"I wouldn't get used to it." I glanced to the left and saw Rochelle and Zoey had caught up. Zoey didn't go and…well…attack…her team. She just walked right up to Francis and Louis and started up what I assumed to be their usual banter. Nonetheless, there was something in their body language that made me feel like I was eavesdropping on something intimate. I turned my attention back to everyone else.
"Well," Rochelle started a little shakily, "Might as well find our rooms." She looked flustered, but when her eyes hit me and Ellis, her lips curled into a knowing smirk. "You might want to consider letting her go, sweetie. Going to be kind of difficult to walk that way." Rolling my eyes, I slid casually out of Ellis' grip and took his hand instead.
"Shall we?"
We followed the signs through the mazelike tunnels of the huge building to find the dormitory area. We all paused at a fork in the hallway. Matching the numbers spray painted on the walls to the ones printed on our keys, it was obvious that the dorms were separated by gender. I can't…I can't do it again…not so soon…I groaned to mask my unease.
"Not again," I grumbled. A nearby guard laughed; apparently I wasn't as subtle as I thought I was.
"I wouldn't get too worried about that," he said, his eyes drifting down to my and Ellis' linked hands, "There isn't exactly a curfew down here." He winked and went on his way. I managed to turn completely beet red as he walked back the way we'd come. I hadn't even thought about that at all. Now that the nosy guard had brought it up though, I wasn't sure why I hadn't. It seemed so damn obvious.
I was finally brought back to planet Earth by a light squeeze of my left hand.
"We'll just check up on our rooms quick," Ellis said. I nodded. He smiled reassuringly. "See you in a few minutes, okay?" He let go of my hand and followed the rest of the guys down the left fork in the hallway. Did he not pick up on that? Or is he just not thinking about that period? Aren't guys supposed to always be thinking about that? Are we ready? I'm sure as hell not.
Now where did this migraine come from? Zoey glanced over her shoulder at me and bit back a not-so-subtle laugh as we took the other hallway toward our rooms.
"Holy crap, Kate…don't think about it so hard!" she said with a smirk. Oh ha ha ha. I rolled my eyes. "Really," she started over, forcibly maintaining a serious expression, "I'm pretty sure he just knows you don't want to be separated again. Calm." With all this going on, I was surprised Rochelle hadn't joined in yet. In fact, she still seemed pretty out of it. I sidled up to her and tapped her shoulder, making her jump.
"What?" I asked, "No comments from the peanut gallery?" She gave me a funny look.
"Peanut gallery? You sure you weren't born in the fifties?" I snorted.
"You sir, have the attention span of a gnat." She looked from me to Zoey and shook her head rapidly.
"Sorry, what's going on?" she asked sheepishly. Zoey broke in before I could spit it out,
"Katie thinks she's getting laid."
"Zoey!" I spluttered.
"What? Is that not what's going on?"
"That's a gross oversimplification…" Zoey shrugged with a grin.
"Cliff notes version." Rochelle cocked her head to the side.
"So? If you don't want to, don't. If you do, do. Not complicated. Happens when it happens." I shrugged with a stubborn scowl on my face, returning my attention to scanning the doors around us. After what seemed an eternity of walking around in silence, we found our rooms, lined up in a neat row of plain doors.
"Well, goodnight…" Rochelle said awkwardly before walking into her room. As soon as her door shut, Zoey grinned from the next door down. She mouthed two words at me before slamming her door shut.
Get some.
Really? I took a deep, frustrated breath and unlocked my own door.
The room was very Spartan, but after spending the last few weeks in a jail cell, it might as well have been the Taj Mahal. If nothing else, there was a rudimentary bathroom; I wouldn't have to worry about the constant nuisance of people watching me pee. I sat down on the twin mattress and rifled through the bag sitting there. CEDA had generously provided an extra set of the prisoner-like clothes I was wearing, a coat, cheap boots, some rudimentary toiletries, and a pamphlet with basic information about the green flu outbreak. There were also sweatpants and a sweatshirt, to sleep in I assumed, but they were exactly like the ones we'd been wearing in our cells. I set it aside with a scowl. I think I'd rather sleep in my underwear. Without thinking about it, I stripped off the jumpsuit, leaving me in a tank top and underwear that just about qualified as shorts.
I tried sitting on the bed and waiting, but after so long surrounded by people the silence was crushing me. I sighed heavily and grabbed the pamphlet roughly, intending to read through it. Almost as soon as I picked it up, the words seemed to blur in front of me and turn into gibberish. I stuffed it back in the bag, along with everything else, before ripping my toothbrush from its plastic wrapping and manically brushing my teeth so hard my gums started bleeding. By the time I'd finished, I was still full of nervous energy. I started pacing the tiny room, thoughts running wildly through my brain again.
Stop freaking out. The door isn't locked…not from the outside anyway. If you felt like it, you could leave. You're not trapped. You're not alone. You could open the door two feet to your left and talk to someone. He'll be here any minute. You don't think he wanted to change or brush his teeth or something? Calm down. Just breathe. It's all gonna be okay.
Someone tentatively knocked on the door.
I did my best not to careen headfirst into the heavy door as I abruptly stopped my pacing to open it. By the time I'd opened the door to let Ellis in, I had managed to make myself look calm and collected…or at least like I wasn't about to have a heart attack in the next ten minutes. My face broke into a wide grin.
"Hi," I said breathlessly. Oh, how eloquent. He just laughed and smiled back.
"Hi," he repeated. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Um…can I come in?"
"Oh! Right!" I said stupidly. I quickly moved out of his way and locked the door once he was inside. As soon as everything was secure, he came up to me and wrapped his arms around me again. As I returned the embrace, I was struck by how different this was from our earlier reunion. That was desperation, disbelief, need. I needed this, we needed this, too, but in a different sort of way. Now that the uncertainty was more or less done with, calm comfort was exactly what we needed.
He pulled back a little and smiled at me again. He tugged on a loose curl of hair playfully. When he let it go, it sprang stubbornly back into a messy spiral. I laughed and looked Ellis dead in the eye.
"I would kill for a straightener," I said matter-of-factly. He chuckled, leaned in, and kissed me. It was our first since the plane so many weeks ago and it was worlds different…slower, softer, sweeter. Before I had much time to consider that, or the jolting game of jump rope going on in my ribcage, he pulled away and sighed contentedly.
"I love you…" The words seemed to tumble out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Wha—
I froze. Completely. Not exactly the best reaction, but my head was going twelve different kinds of crazy. It was so soon. Everything was happening so soon. A few months ago, I would never have even considered letting things go this far, this fast. Moving forward that quickly was stupid, naïve, and…
"Ah, shit…" He was talking again. I realized his entire face was going red. He cleared his throat. "I…I really fucked it up this time, didn't I?" He smiled sheepishly, but I could still feel his tension in the hands stiffening at the back of my neck and lower back. But…it's not a few months ago. This is now…different. You went through hell and back with him. You've saved each other's lives. You don't hide anything from him anymore. Now's too soon? Hell, you knew it weeks ago. And since the firing squad isn't exactly in the cards anymore…The tense, frozen mask of my face dissolved into a huge grin. Ellis was visibly startled.
"No, actually, you didn't," I said, trying to come across as casual, but betraying myself with an underlying tremor. I resisted the urge to duck my eyes away from his. "I love you too, Ellis." His shocked look dissolved into a wide smile before he leaned in and kissed me again…this time with a lot less reserve.
We had time now, and no audience. No audience. In the back of my mind, I remembered what I had been worried about before. We had literally never been in this situation before. Hell, we hadn't really been completely alone before…at least, not after Ducatel. What little time we had had together after that, we'd both been pretty restrictively injured. The novel feeling of his body pressed closely against mine stirred something in my stomach and made me realize there were no restrictions now.
It made me…I…I…wasn't sure how I felt anymore.
Ellis seemed to notice my hesitation and pulled back, eyebrows furrowed,
"You okay, darlin'?" I pursed my lips, which still felt tingly and a little numb, and flicked some hair behind my ear.
"I…I'm fine…it's just…well…" I huffed out a frustrated breath. "I've never done this before." Well, that's out there…glad I got that off my chest. Ellis still seemed confused.
"Done what?" Oh, goddamn it. He's going to make me say it, isn't he? I considered doing a lot of awkward coughing until he got the picture, but finally decided I needed to just suck it up and spit it out.
"Sex." I was actually kind of proud of myself. I'd managed to sound like a calm, collected adult rather than a scared teenager. Ellis smiled reassuringly.
"Well, we don't have t' do it now," he said. I must have looked skeptical. He dropped his hands from my waist and plopped down on the bed, flipping the blanket open. He patted the space next to him, "C'mere. Seriously." I hesitantly walked over to the bed. Despite my reservations about these kind of situations tending to escalate in a bed, I trusted him. When I lay down next to him, he pulled the blanket over us and wrapped an arm around me. My hand naturally went to his chest as I waited for what would come next. With his other hand, he gently lifted my chin up until I was looking at him again.
"Darlin', I've waited this long t' find you. You take all the time ya need." He smiled at me and I couldn't help smiling back. "Besides," he continued, "I don' know about you, but I'm beat. No offense, but a nap sounds perfect right about now." I laughed and comfortably snuggled in closer to him.
"G'night, darlin'."
"Night, Ellis."
"Love you."
"Love you too."
A/N: *head hits keyboard* Well, that was a loaded chapter! And, hey, two months is kind of a big deal for me! *confetti*
By the way, GIANT thanks to PurelyOblivion for the zillion reviews a couple weeks ago, providing a much needed kick in the ass for this chapter. Also, technically, this counts as posting by the end of the month.
Not much left now…see y'all at the epilogues!