The next four days of my life are simple. Get up every morning at four thirty and be in the gym by five. The gym is packed to the point that Coin actually authorizes the use of lower levels of the District, most of which are top secret. Usually I stick with Cato but after a while I've been dropping off and training with Glimmer. This goes on for seven hours, then lunch, then another seven hours and dinner. Usually by this point I'm too tired to do much of anything but sleep for as long as I can manage.
Cato was raised to fight and the training that I find so intense is right up his alley. He's branched off and usually hangs out with men exactly his size. Thresh with them, Clove as well though I find it amusing to see her with them. Petite and small compared to the tall and muscular men around her. Still, she is their equal if not superior.
Glimmer, though trained as a Career, never took her training seriously. She tells me the story of how she was reaped and the girl who was supposed to volunteer did not.
The two of us usually take to the archery station and stay there for as long as possible, until we are required to run or do weight lifting.
Marrisa is being formally trained as a medic, same as my sister. Prim and my mother train, not to help during the coming battles, but to take care of those left here in Thirteen when we leave.
It's on the fifth day, that as I'm heading into the gym I'm intersected by Boggs and led to a small meeting room.
At first I think it's because I've done something wrong and I'm about to be reprimanded but when we enter the room I count nine others. I know Clove and Finnick and of course Gale. The others are a mystery to me.
I sit beside a pair of identical looking sisters at the end of the table where Boggs motions me without concern, taking his place at the front of the room. He was designed for such positions.
His face is set in its usual seriousness as he congratulates us on being selected to a battalion that specializes in sharp shooting.
"Your group's main objective will be coverage. Intel tells us that the Capitol is lined with pods that, when triggered, react similarly to those in the games. When given the all clear you shall trigger these pods and make it easier for ground soldiers to move into the city."
He begins to point out where we will be stationed on the outskirts of the Capitol.
Looking at the little dots that liter the screen I can't help but wonder where my friends will be. Where Marrisa will be thrown, where Glimmer will go, Peeta, Thresh, Marvel, all of them. Cato. Fear seizes me and I do my best to rid myself of it. I hold onto the joy of Prim and Rue and even my mother's safety. Across the table I spy Gale watching me and I wonder how he feels about all of this. It wasn't too long ago that we knew every detail about each other.
I see Clove giving one long and indifferent glance in my direction. I'm not sure how I feel about us working together but I suppose we can get along if forced. She is dating my District Partner after all.
I wince. Peeta, what will happen to him?
I give one small shudder and do my best to tune into Boggs' crash course on our assignments. I would have to spend less time worrying about my loved ones and focusing on myself, because in a sense I was going back into the games.
We take our sweet time at dinner. All of us do, that is, Glimmer, Marvel, Peeta, Clove, Azora, Marrisa, Thresh, Cato and I. We each look just as exhausted as we did when leaving the arena, with sweat dried on our skin and our hair tossed and tangled. Because everybody gets out of training around the same time there is usually a rush to the showers. It's either eat a decent meal or get a warm shower. Just about everybody from District Twelve chooses the first.
Too exhausted to talk tonight, most of us bid one another a good night. Everybody wandering off to whatever it is they do when we separate. Marrisa, who can barely lift her legs, bids us a halfhearted 'goodnight' before making the journey to her room.
Soon it is just Cato and I as we slowly move down the halls in the direction of our apartments. It's a quiet stroll that will leave us at a crossroad where we can say goodnight and go to our separate rooms.
Tonight is slow, tonight we can do little but fantasize about a full night's rest.
He may be a Career but even he has his limits.
"So Clove and I are together with the Sharp Shooters." I tell him, my arms swinging only slightly in my lost effort to hold them close.
He nods, "Thresh and I were assigned to the same group. It doesn't exactly have a name but we'll mostly be doing the close range stuff."
I nod slowly, understanding the meaning behind what he's just said. He's going in hand to hand, fighting up close and at the more dangerous points in the war.
We pause when we reach the fork in the hall, it wasn't enough time. In two days we're scheduled to go to war. Would I see him out there in the Capitol? Would I know if something happened to him? All of it became too much to bear, the pain and the fear.
I found that mask I'd once worn every day from sunrise to sunset, only ever slipping in the presence of my sister. Maybe Gale but only on those days where the memory of my father didn't haunt me.
The mask is familiar, it's safe. It takes away the terror of the world and replaces it with distant problems that I have no control over. It leaves the real fighting to somebody else and allows me to stay in my own world.
I'm not allowed to wear this mask. Not anymore, not when we're about to begin the assault on the Capitol. As much as I dread it, I slip my old friend away and force myself back to reality. Reality is a cold bitch that laughs at my insecurities and deepest worries. Reality takes those I love and tosses them with an uncaring flick of its wrist into situations that none of us are prepared for and expects us to welcome them as though it's what we want.
I consider telling Cato about my theory, Coin and the bombings. But the walls have eyes and I'm sure it would end with me in some sort of tragic 'accident.'
I do plan on bringing it up when we're long gone from Thirteen… If we're kept together that is.
I fight long distance, him close up.
How much time will we have together?
He's watching me as I slowly leave my mind, coming back to a hallway in a long forgotten District.
I turn to him, my eyes searching his and begging him to understand.
I'm not sure what he sees, if he sees anything at all. Understandably, we were both tired. There are no words exchanged as he gently pulls me by the waist until I stand directly in front of him, his lips taking over mine and releasing everything he must feel.
My arms snake around his neck and I exhale slowly, another moment I will treasure when the time comes to linger in the past.
There is no lust behind this kiss, no words that need to be exchanged afterward, not even a quiet 'I love you.'
Chaste, it's what you might receive on a first date.
It's probably for the best that this is the kiss we were caught in when my mother says my name softly.
Still, I pull away quickly, wiping my face clear. Even the relief is short lived, seeing her standing alone in the corridor. Sure enough though, it's my mother who stands there.
Cato tenses beside me as we step a respectable distance apart.
I don't know how these things usually go, meeting the parents and what not. I've met Cato's mother and that was anything but pleasant. Still, it started with her learning my name.
"Mom, this is Cato. Cato this is my mother."
It's one of the more awkward things I've witnessed, they appraise each other before reluctantly shaking hands. They pull away immediately afterwards and we're left in silence, so palpable and strange that I'm left completely clueless on what to do.
What would Madge do. Marrisa? Glimmer- no not Glimmer.I bite my lip, ranking my mind for any story of uncomfortable meetings.
"So Katniss tells me you're a healer." Cato breaks the silence and I release a breath I wasn't aware of holding.
"Yes. Yes I am. Not formally trained of course."
"Of course. I assume you'll stay here in the coming weeks?"
"Naturally, I have my youngest daughter to take care of. And Rue." Her voice is softens just the tiniest bit at the mention of the girls.
There it is, the one piece of common ground they have.
"Rue. It's nice to know she'll be safe here when we're all gone."
My mother blinks and even I'm touched at how genuine his voice is.
"She will be… It was very nice to meet you Cato but I'm afraid it's time for Katniss and I to get back to the girls."
I take this as my cue, giving him a small smile before following my mother.
Not the worst of meetings I suppose. That came the next day.
War meetings were not uncommon, this was just the first I'd been to since the news of Eight. We were no longer seated according to Districts but rather by team. I sat in between Clove and Gale, doing my best to focus on final preparations. One more day before moving out.
Coin and her various military leaders, Boggs included, point out different points of attack.
"Brutus and his team will move in here, their first objective will be taking out a small group of Peacekeepers here, once they are taken care of, soldiers will move in and secure the post." I spot Brutus near the forefront of the room, sure enough Cato and Thresh sit at his table. My breath catches in my throat as my eyes flash forward, unable to accept the image. Of course I didn't expect him to be picking flowers for the celebration when this was all over, but seeing it is far worse than imagining it.
I sit and listen without really hearing any words until Boggs speaks, he will be our team leader and I suppose it will benefit me greatly to hear what he has to say.
"Sharp Shooters will be posted along these buildings, once the area has been cleared they will set off the surrounding Capitol pods. Because we do not know what each pod contains it's vital to have our guard up here. No foot shoulders within a one and a half mile radius. Whenever a pod is discharged a signal will be sent out to your communication devices. Please remember the safety hazards."
He says just about everything he told us yesterday, nothing that really stirs my attention.
I'm heading out to lunch, ready to meet the others once the crowd thins just a bit. Still, I'm a bit surprised when Cato pushes past the crowd and finds me faster than usual. I raise an eyebrow which he takes no notice of. When we're away from the eyes of the others we silently move into another room. A closet I realize, stored with all sorts of machinery necessary in keeping the District halls clean.
"Why am I in a closet Cato?"
He looks back and forth, just seeming to realize where we are. He brushes it off though, eyes flashing to me.
"Why didn't you tell me what you would be doing?"
"What I would be doing? What are you talking about?"
"Sharp Shooters, your job. It's too dangerous." He declares.
"My job too dangerous? You're the one with something to worry about." I say when I can finally piece together what he's saying. I insist my point, "I'll be far enough away that I'll have time to take cover if something does happen. You're going to be right there in the action, how do you not see that as ten times worse?"
"Because I can handle it Katniss, I've only been training my entire life. But you? Didn't you hear them in there? Nobody can be to close, yet you'll be right there, how does that not stand out to you as danger!"
"I've been using a bow almost as long as you've training Cato, I think I know what I'm doing." It bothers me how he treats me like a weak little girl incapable of fighting this war. Haven't I proven myself? I think of the bow Boggs designed for me, a perfectly engineered weapon that I crave to shoot.
He stares at me for another moment before shaking his head wildly. "No. No, you aren't doing this Katniss. I don't want you to go into this fighting. I can pull some strings, get you out of it-"
"Cato! Don't you dare." Rage boils inside of me as I straighten my posture and clench my fists.
Despite my fear and anxiousness I wasn't going to run and hide when so many people were going into this.
His expression doesn't soften and my anger grows further.
"I mean, how can you even suggest that!?" I yell, trying to find the words to get through to him.
His eyes soften as he rests his hands on my shoulder, I shrug them off. "Don't be dense Katniss, all of us going into this? What are the chances we all come back this time? Slim to none, we're going to lose people. Please… Please don't be one of them. Just stay here. Give me that peace won't you?"
I try to understand what he's just said but it still leaves me boiling.
"I'm going out there Cato."
"Katniss…"
"No. Just stop it." I storm out of the closet, more determined than ever to destroy the Capitol.