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Color of Heartache

(The Void crossover)

"Watch where you're going!" Emma said, shoving me out of her way.

There was no sting in her words. She looked like all color was drained from her, with an exception of pronounced dark bags under her eyes.

She wanted to say something more, but yawned instead, not even bothering to cover her mouth. Her gaze wandered away from me, and soon she followed, moving as if she was in a trance.

Recently, everyone was tired by the end of schooldays, the corridors were filled with lifeless dolls, which nobody bothered to paint, staggering forward by inertia more than intent.

I was no different from them, my face becoming paler than usual, my eyes bloodshot to the point half of one was solid red, my baggy gray clothes weighting me down as if I was carried a coffin on my back.

For once, I felt like I was fitting in here. Not because people were friendly to me or anything like that, but because nobody paid attention. To me or each other. It was a surreal experience, as if everyone in school died and didn't notice, following the routine that had no meaning anymore.

Yet even now I wasn't truly a part of the group because I knew how to fix it. For me, if for nobody else.

I walked to my locker and opened it to the familiar sight of a steadily beating crimson heart growing inside. It was standing on top of its veins, intertwined with each other to form a strong trunk. I knew they went farther than just the locker, growing over the whole school as a grotesque root system. Its arteries were all here, though, forming a small crown and ending in bright, almost shining crimson fruits, a cure for my ailment.

Picking a fruit I thought was ripe, I looked at it for a few moments. I knew that the heart was responsible for what was happening in school. Somehow, it was draining the strength of people here. They looked fine in the morning, but it couldn't be good for them. Something should be done about it, but...

I was the only one who could see it. I tried pointing it out to a teacher back when I first encountered it, and just got asked if maybe I need a few more days to recover after what happened. They cleared my locker, they said, there was nothing here anymore. And when I tried to do something about it myself, it hurt. It hurt like nothing else did in my entire life.

I couldn't do anything about it. Nobody else could even see what was wrong.

So, it wasn't wrong for me to gain something from it, right?

I bit the fruit, and my body was filled with fire. I felt my blood igniting with each beat of the crimson heart. My vision sharpened, my thoughts cleared. I took my first free breath this day, burdened by nothing at all.

I was light.

I was life.

I was fire.

I laughed, uncaring that grey shadows of other students could hear me, uncaring that it was their life I ate.

They deserved it, anyway. They had no idea what an awesome existence they had, preferring instead to wallow in their petty misery. To hell with Emma who betrayed and tormented me! To hell with Sophia who took her away from me! To hell with Madison and all the rest of their flunkies who joined the fun because they had nothing better in their lives! To hell with teachers who could or would do nothing! To hell with my father who pushed me to tell him what was going on, making me think about it, making me feel guilty for not telling him, yet not pushing hard enough to actually get the answers! And to hell with Greg who is kinda creepy!

And if this hell was of my own making somehow, so be it.

Taking a bite from another fruit and riding the wave of warmth spreading all over my body, I took a sheet of paper and wrote just one word on it: Emma. I breathed at the paper, and the letters ignited with crimson.

My steps light, I strolled to Sophia's locker and slipped the note inside. She would find and read it, and her mind would be clouded with rage towards Emma. She wouldn't know the reason, she probably wouldn't even remember reading the note.

Giggling, I walked back, dancing around ghosts populating this place. They watched me with hunger and longing in their eyes before returning to their grey existence, my colors slipping their minds as my shadow swallowed them.

They were so blind, they couldn't see the veins running through the walls, forming a web covering the whole building. They couldn't even see their own colors, tiny sparks lingering in their chests after the best part was taken by my crimson heart.

So, it was right to reap them.

Speaking of...

I went to my locker and reached for the heart, opening it and letting myself fall apart in streams of bright crimson light. When I could see again, I stood in my inner sanctum: a cave existing in a constant state of becoming. Waves of crimson and azure light washed the cave at regular intervals, bringing changes. Crimson and azure flowers bloomed all over the ground, only to wither and die with the change of light. Azure streams ran in a web around me, gathering in small pools, and when crimson light touched them, the fluid boiled, filling the air with colorful steam, which would then turn into rain in the azure light, falling on the ground and changing the movement of streams. Small critters similar to worms and insects squirmed under my feet and filled the air, chasing flowers and each other.

With each heartbeat the world was melted to be forged again, in a shape just a bit closer to perfection.

And in the center of everything stood an azure tree with a heart steadily beating in the middle, defining the rhythm of the waves. From its crown azure fluid was falling, giving birth to the streams, and its roots moved underground, giving it shape.

I remembered how this heart came to be. I always felt so tired after that event, so drained of life. And the bullying continued. More subdued than before, more cautious, but no less vicious.

I couldn't face it. The only thing that helped me go through the day was crimson fire I consumed, but the heart was so small back then, its fruits so tiny. I wanted to be constantly near it, to squeeze every drop of divine fluid from its arteries, but I couldn't be anywhere near the locker without risking drawing the attention of my bullies.

And so I reached inside. Even though the previous time I've touched the hart, when I tried to torn it out, resulted in agony, I reached inside, trying to get just a bit more of the crimson fire. I found this cave instead, hidden inside the heart. For a long time, I simply lied here, catching drops of crimson falling from above on me, thinking what to do.

And then they stopped. I think it was the end of a school day. People left, depriving me of their life, leaving me alone in the dark.

I couldn't face it, dealing with it day after day, living for scraps of life that were just leaving me yearn for more.

And so I gathered the last drops of crimson and formed a razor out of them.

There was no blood. Azure liquid flowed from my veins, saturating the cave. A pool formed around me, and from that pool a sprout of heart slowly grew. It's slow beating lulled me to sleep.

I didn't die that day, I'm not sure I can anymore. And afterwards, everything became better. I had two sources of color, and they were growing bigger by day, their roots crawling around the school. Now, I didn't even need to consume everything they produced.

I still drank the azure water, which quenched the fire in my blood and brought clarity.

It was petty of me, what I did to Sophia. Petty and pointless. People hurt me, but it was useless to hurt them back. I was already taking their life, and I had responsibility to give it back. Better than before, free of suffering they inflicted on me.

For better or worse, people of this school were mine.

Slowly, I walked to the corner of the cave where I stashed some of my things. My journals with every injustice inflicted upon me carefully recorded were there, each word outlined in azure now and crossed out in crimson. Some of the pages were ripped out by me, and I did it again now, whistling to call the critters closer. I fed the pages to them, whispering the names of people they would have to find and borrow into their heads. Nobody would see them, nobody would notice them squirming inside their minds, but once they dissolve, my litany of sins would mix with stray thoughts, becoming a law as fundamental as the need to breathe.

None would be able to do these things for as long as blood flows in their veins.

And so the cycle of suffering would be broken.

And so the life taken would be given back, better than ever before.

And so a better world could be created.

Of course, my diaries were just the first step. Personal suffering paving a way to wisdom. I would need to work on creating my own doctrine that would be the foundation of coming paradise. I would...

Something was wrong.

I felt an alien presence in my sanctum, a place that was supposed to be unreachable and safe.

I jumped up and looked around. A figure emerged from the shadows at the edge of the cave, where the entrance from the crimson heart was located. It was a cross between a human and a machine, black mechanical parts seamlessly blending with violet flesh. Crimson veins could be seen underneath, pulsating with each movement. The figure was perfect in design and motion, yet something was not right. It felt unreal, like a painting brought to life without adding proper perspective. My eyes hurt just from looking at it.

Where its head should have been, there was a violet whirlpool, and inside a woman's face could be seen. With her dark hair, grey eyes and thin pale lips, she seemed almost monochrome in contrast with the plethora of color and light surrounding her.

She crossed her eyes with mine and smiled, her features turning ephemeral for a moment, like a dream that was strikingly clear and yet incomprehensible for waking mind.

"Greetings, sister," she said. Her lips moved, but it was the construct making the sound, countless pipes whistling, forming the words from dissonant noise. Crimson steam emerged from them, filling the air and disturbing the established cycle. "You have a lovely garden."

"Who are you?" I asked. I didn't like her smile, I didn't like her eyes, and most of all I didn't like the violet color. It made my heart ache.

"Amanda Holloway. I'm the keeper of the Boardwalk."

"Keeper?" I asked, slowly walking to place myself between her and my heart.

"A person like you."

"You're not like me," I said with more venom that I expected.

"No," she said. "Our exterior is similar, but in the heart of hearts... Still, much like you, I died. And, much like you, I returned back, bringing gifts of color and life from below."

"What?" I blinked. "I'm not dead."

"You don't know?" she asked. "Don't you remember? The fall, the dying world losing its colors, the ascent back?"

I didn't respond.

What she was talking about couldn't be true.

I was locked, fainted, then someone opened the door.

That was it.

I didn't remember anything she talked about: no fall, no dark void, no well with the spiral staircase, no ascent.

So, it wasn't real.

Her smile grew wider from my silence.

"What are you doing here?" I asked eventually.

"I was curious who was responsible for the garden that grows in this school, so I've sent one of my unborns to investigate. It found your heart open. In our circles, it counts as an invitation. "

"You're not welcome here," I said.

"Yes, I can see that now. Your pedestal of suffering doesn't permit abstractions."

"So, are you going to leave?"

She was silent for a few moments, looking around.

And then every pipe of her construct screamed at once, filling the cave with violet smoke.

My own scream followed the pipes', a pale echo even I couldn't hear.

The smoke was poison, to me and to the cave itself. Flowers withered where it touched them, water turned to mist, dissipating instantly, critters died or worse, were changed into violet ones, light itself grew dimmer.

Hurt and confused, I tried to reach the construct, to strike at it, to make it stop, but vague shapes emerged from the smoke all around me, shadows and illusions solid enough to harm me yet turning back into smoke the moment I tried to fight back. Bit by bit, my sanctum, my world was swallowed by the foreign force, and with each piece of it disappearing, I could feel growing snarl of pain where my heart should have been.

This battle couldn't be won by physical means, for the physical world has betrayed me. And so I reached within me, to the crimson rage that still boiled in my blood. A crimson scythe appeared in my hand, and the illusions around me shattered.

The violet smoke still filled the air, creeping closer to my heart, but around me there now was a clear space.

I could breathe again.

I could live again.

I walked towards the construct rising my scythe, withered flowers returning to life under my feet as the colors bled from countless shallow wounds.

The violet smoke stopped coming from the pipes.

Violet flesh unfolded, crimson veins burst, and thousands crimson tendrils reached for me.

I tried to block them, tried to cut them with my weapon, but they went through it as if it wasn't there, piercing my flesh, filling my empty chest and ripping me apart.

I fell on the ground, my arm still holding the dissolving scythe lying away from me, my guts spilled on the ground, color leaking from them giving life to flowers and depriving me of it.

The construct stood above me, Holloway's face still smiling, her teeth were bare now.

"Azure," she said. "What a garish color. Suffering and fear, never liked it. I think I'll just destroy it, leaving only your crimson heart. Don't worry, you won't die. You can't, anymore. You'll just become mine and will tend to the heart, gathering lymph for me."

With that, the construct started to move towards my heart, violet smoke again flowing from its pipes.

I wanted to cry. All I went through, all I've learned, all I've planned - all was meaningless. She was going to destroy me, to destroy everything that made me who I was, and all I could do was to lie here, watching azure and crimson that replaced my blood mix.

I didn't cry. I screamed instead. Who was she to dismiss my whole life so casually? Who was she to attack me in my own sanctum?

She was nothing, and I will reduce her to nothing!

Crimson spears fell from the skies, striking everything in the cave: the construct, the critters, the heart, me.

Rage and pain became one in my scream, until everything went black.

I came to my senses slowly, returning from viscous nightmare filled with creeping shadows licking me, stripping me of life bit by bit.

I coughed, my throat raw, every breath painful. In contrast, my body felt strangely numb and light.

Memories flooded my mind, and I sat up abruptly, my eyes fixing on the heart. It was still shining with azure light, though its rhythm was irregular now, pained. Its roots were broken, torn out of the ground here and there, leaving behind deep scars. Most flowers were dead, most pools tainted with violet and stale. Still, here and there were islands of life. Critters still buzzed in the air, if not as plentiful as before.

I looked around, searching for the construct. I found its scattered remnants near the heart. The whirlpool was still swirling, though at least there was no more of violet smoke.

I tried to stand up and fell back on the ground, my body awkward and almost foreign. I tried again, slowly this time, and managed to get on my knee.

In the process I noticed my arm still lying on the ground, severed, even though I didn't feel the loss.

I looked at myself and so branches replacing my flesh where it was torn apart. Crimson veins could be seen, shining through the wood. I moved my new fingers. They worked fine.

I shrugged, my new flesh creaking. It wasn't worth thinking about right now.

Swaying a bit, I walked to the whirlpool. Holloway's face could still be seen in it, back to her monochrome plain self. White noise filled the edges around her, spreading slowly.

When she noticed me, crimson letters appeared on violet surface.

You're finally awake.

She couldn't speak without her pipes, it seemed.

I prepared to step on her.

Wait! There is something we need to discuss.

"What makes you think I want to talk to you?" I asked, not lowering my foot.

I thought you weak when you were merely inexperienced. Continuing to fight would be unwise. It would cost both of us too much, potentially.

I looked around at the devastated cave, my eyes narrowing.

"And what do you propose?"

A meeting. On neutral grounds, of course. You've heard about the labyrinth in the central park, yes? Violet and silver, crimson and amber. It was created by two of our sisters and sometimes serves as a meeting place for us. Of course, you're free to suggest an alternative, if you wish.

"I don't think there is anything to discuss," I said. "Don't come here ever again, and I won't come after you. Simple as that."

That's not how it works. Boundaries must be set between us, rules established. Otherwise, a conflict is inevitable, for we both strive towards the same goal.

"That being?" The mere suggestion we had anything in common...

Her smile was back, her face taking on unreal, phantasmal features.

The letters that appeared then were thick enough with color to overcome the white noise and fill the whole whirlpool.

To reshape the world.

AN: Rather loosely based on the game. More a source of inspiration than anything.