King and Consort Chapter 26: Solus, a vampire knight fanfic

"…The same madness and desire you harness runs in him for that girl, and makes him unable to let her go. Move cautiously, for once upon a time, you also felt these feelings for someone…"

Once upon a time…

A bird, cheery, vivacious, a debonair treat to the eye cowered from his touch and cried when he talked.

'Devil, beast!' Were the names she called him. Pathetic and narrow-minded humans saw world as big as they saw themselves. To her, creatures that thrived on blood were evil, a disastrous entity perilous to their human society.

Around the time the segregation between humans and vampires began, her family dragged her to the farthest city from Tokyo, hidden in the trench of mountains and valleys. She was shocked he was able to find her again.

'You smell of the ocean breeze, crispy, soapy and cool.' He took her life and gave her another, one filled with greed, and pulled her away from her family forever.

Each time she cowered even more when he touched her, thought she turned evil like he. Each time he filled her body with his own, she'd quiver, 'Why? Why me?'

Yuuki twiddled her fingers and checked the clock. The standing guards waited outside the elegantly furnished parlor. Evening caved in, clouds enclosed over the setting sun, cast a blinking ray of citrus orange dew on the darkening sky. Her rueful eyes fell on the glass of water against her sleeve. She sampled the cool liquid and set it back.

There was movement by the door, but she didn't stand to greet her invitee. The pale material of her dress glittered in the lamplight, its twinkling made her dizzy. When she looked up from her lap, he was already looming over her from the other side of the table.

The shrewd heterochromatic eyes gorged over her beauty and the simplicity of her smile. Yuuki gestured him to take the empty chair.

His eyes narrowed even more in careful preservation. "Joousama, how kind of you to want to spend the evening in my company. Lately I've been getting lots of strange visits. Your Right Hands dropped in and told me not to hover the throne. Was it your doing?" He grinned knowingly at Yuuki.

"I'd like you to sit down first, Rido-sama." Yuuki waited until he relented.

The dark coat he adorned dipped back as his shoulders straightened, adding another significant inch to his elevation. Since she had suggested that he dress nicely for the evening, he fought back laughter at the back of his mind but complied with her unreasonable demands. His black suit glistened in the lamplight. The cooling colors of the sun rippled over his sullen cheek, illuminating a crimson iris.

"I never took the time to examine you." She remarked, gaze feasting over his scar, narrowed eyes and grim lips. The crop of dark hair dripped against his cheeks and shoulders. If she were to admit, there was a distinct forlornness and melancholy emulating from the man. The desolation equally made him impenetrable and arresting.

"Heh." Rido smirked, "To what do I owe this fascination?" He leaned forward mockingly, flashing a fang. "Do you not remember how I enjoyed drinking your blood? I was looking forward to eating you."

"I've been able to look past it, Rido-sama." Yuuki evenly countered. "Can't you?"

His shoulders lifted and fell back in a soft shrug. "I'm always eager to eat young, weak things like you."

"I didn't call you here to talk about what happened. But I do want the two of us to let it go already." Yuuki said. "I kept thinking you were the king because the first time we met, I sensed your blood was richer and powerful than any pureblood I encountered. Then I met Kaname…I knew he was powerful, but I kept assuming you were king."

"Are you sad?" Rido chortled.

"Kaname kept trying to tell me you weren't what I thought. You…" Glumly she glared at her water. "You sent a replica of Ichijou-san into the territory to kill me. Why do you want to kill me? Did the Elders Councils set you up?"

He was tilting his head from one side to the other as she spoke, intrigued and beguiled. "They told me to stay away from you. My impulsive nature forces me to go against rules. You were weak and tasty looking, and I wanted a bite."

"Are you going to try it again?" She searched his eyes unblinkingly, intrepid.

"I'd like to." Rido answered.

"I'll stop you."

"If that's what you wish." He chuckled.

"You won't gain anything from killing me." Yuuki informed. "We are both important to the monarchy. How will everyone react if they heard the Great King killed their queen?"

"Why should I care?"

"Because you're also a history of the royal family, Rido-sama."

Rido threw his head back to laugh at the ceiling.

"Since Shizuka-sama left, I hope you haven't been doing anything unusual."

"Are you going to send your Right Hands again if I tell you I am?"

"I might."

"That doesn't surprise me."

She leaned forward on her elbows, eyes probing in his. "You said because you lived for so long, you lost sensation. When something new and enticing came, you want to obtain it. Is this another one of those things?"

"It is." Rido answered, eyes alight and brows inclined, "You sure have grown intuitive recently."

"Then…what do you want to obtain now?" She still had to look away.

Misery and gloom flooded his eyes. Rido scowled and clenched his jaw. "Why is Joousama suddenly interested in me? Do you want to find my weakness?"

"I know your weakness." Yuuki lifted her glass of water.

"Do you want to attack me?" Rido heckled.

"No." She gingerly tried the water. "I want to help you. Why don't we form an alliance?"

"Tiny little birds like you always think you're invincible and get into messes you can't get out of."

"I'm serious; I'd like to form an alliance with you. Let's help each other out."

"I don't like working with others, monopolizing is my forte, really." He exaggerated. "Ask Shizuka, if you will."

Her clenched nails dug against the impeccable clear glass, Yuuki's grip didn't lessen on the item as she grittily eyed her uncle-in-law. "How about I be frank with you for once, Rido oji-sama?"

"Why not?" He welcomed.

"You're still in love with her."

The darkness of his eyes flared instinctively, and the ever so tightening of his jaw denoted he held back from snarling at Yuuki's discerning observation.

"'Why did she kill herself? Why couldn't she just stay alive? Why choose such as path, alone? Away from you? Why was she absolutely wretched with your heart?'..." Her boring eyes narrowed as Yuuki leaned forward, a hand cast up to caress a hair lock falling over a scarred eye. "These questions filled you for centuries."

Claws ferociously snared her thin white wrist. "You…Are quite perceptive." Rido toothily acknowledged.

"But your hunger for her deepens and you keep trying to replace her." Yuuki glared at his clenched fingers on her hand. "Because you're Kaname's oji-sama, it makes me think if he will be the same if something were to happen to me."

"You never know." Rido's hot lips glided against her skin. She broke away with a clean tug of her hand.

"I can't let that happen to him." Yuuki stated. "So I'll help you first, learn about you, and help you quell your weakness. In the end, if Kaname suffers from a similar experience, I hope someone will ease his pain."

"You're getting too far ahead of yourself." Rido grunted, "He can get tired of you before that ever happens."

"Then why is it you can't forget her?"

"It's not this 'love' thing." Rido replied, no more humorous or sardonic. "But regret…of that irreplaceable moment that ties you to a calamity you brought on yourself."

She blinked softly, apologetically, "Is this what happens to a pureblood who becomes alone?" Her nails scraped the tablecloth. "Don't you mourn? Doesn't the pain ever end? Don't you think, if you let her go, you'll become better? Days will shine on you easily. You can finally lift your head and be a good person."

Rido cackled at her pleading note. "No…heh-heh!"

Her red eyes blazed on the pureblood with a hostility he hadn't known she possessed. She suddenly lunged forward, her clawed fist bunched on the side of his head. Claws drawn against his scalp, Yuuki hissed and gasped as she penetrated his mental barrier. Images unrolled like an unwinding barrel of thread, rolling…rolling right into the palm of her hand.

All of Rido's memories, vivid, emotional, his coarse words, the echo of his agony, the tiresome years spent killing and filling himself temporarily with twisted games. Then she saw it—like a ray of moonlight.

Her beady brown eyes and silky dark hair. She was naked and deliciously possessed by wraths of desire as he made love to her on the moonlight sand. Rido's fondest memory with his lover. The human woman wasn't fighting, she was gentle-eyed, spoke softly…and he was encompassed with more attachment. Then she held a weapon against her body, stood by the window of his room, and whispered his name, that she hated he had turned her into a monster like him before beheading herself.

Yuuki was tossed back in her chair. Her hands shakily landed on the table. Widely she gaped at the stunned pureblood who was locked in his own seat.

"What did you do?" Rido growled.

A cold smile caressed her lips as her red eyes gleamed. Yuuki watched her claws file back into regular nails. "Kaname's power is unindutiable, Rido-sama. I saw everything." Now her eyes steered defiantly into his. "You cornered her. She killed herself because she didn't want to be a vampire. You didn't give her a choice and turned her into one. Is that the regret you speak of?"

"You know nothing!" Rido sneered. In a minute, he soared to his feet, furious.

"I'm right." Yuuki glanced at the window. "I suggest you go to her where she rests and pay her respect. You tormented her when she was alive, but she continues to torment you after she is dead. Humans…Rido-sama, humans aren't good with power—the power you dream of won't bring you anything. It won't bring her back, or make you stronger and a better person."

He was seething as a clawed hand propelled toward Yuuki, right at her jugular.

A force shot back, knocking his hand with a burst of fire.

Tranquilly Yuuki glided from her chair, observed his astounded and vindictive expression, "You're wondering why you can't touch me. I've absorbed Kaname's life force. If you mean to hurt me, I'm sorry, but it can't be done. I'm still hoping we can collaborate and help each other. You're an important part of the monarchy, and I'd hate to lose you. I will be seeing you more often, Rido-sama. Until then, please, don't do anything rash. I'll do my best to bring Shizuka-sama back."

With a short bow of her head, Yuuki turned around. "Goodnight." Guards opened the door and escorted her into the halls.

Yuuki examined her hands critically. Her entire body felt different. She stared at her reflection, stretched her arms and watched the tendrils of the curtain quiver; the papers on the desk scatter over the floor and her nightgown musically swivel around her knees. She was not used to the impact of a single hand wave.

Earlier she was captivated by emotion and stole through Rido's memories and read his dark thoughts. Kaname surely had an invincible power. The ability to look into people's minds and hearts without crossing borders, but Yuuki hadn't seen him penetrate mental barriers. She assumed he had the the precision to read others in a glance.

She sat down on the edge of the bed. Distinctly maids strolled around the corridors, guards patrolled outside her door. Their movement, light and breathable, nearly unnoticeable, she could sense the closest pureblood from her room. Her uncharacteristic astuteness was marvelous, addictive yet astounding. Yuuki noted the flocking spy birds cross over the palace fields.

His powers resided in her body, in her mind. Yuuki glanced at the empty half of the bed. She crawled over the sheets, slumped heavily on Kaname's side and hugged his pillow. His scent lingered in the sheets, a lock of hair, even his skin flakes. She clutched them to herself.

Another night, another hour…another month…without you.

"I want to see you badly." She whispered against the pillow. "Badly…" Tears grinded into her vision until she turned blind.

Since the latest imprisonment of Asato Ichijou, the Elders Council was adjusting to the change, or the lack of an administrative figure. For this very reason, eyes turned notably on Yuuki who was responsible for assigning one. She merely assured the council that its hierarchy was still in effect, meaning the potentiate candidate would have to follow through after Asato's dismissal.

That person was Ichijou Takuma, his grandson.

She wasn't sure he'd oblige with the responsibility, however, the eve of his promotion, Takuma visited Yuuki in her office. She offered him a seat and blood tablets to soothe his aggressive state of mind.

"Thank you." Unstable hands accepted the drink before his body collapsed in the chair.

Yuuki sat in the transversal seat, observed him and said, "You don't have to become the next Head if you don't want to. I'd hate to make you do something you aren't confident in."

He swigged the contents and held on to the empty glass. Green eyes strayed from the carpet to Yuuki's folded hands in her lap. "Everything is becoming…Everything is going—oh so wrong!" Takuma clutched his temples as if in pain.

"Ichijou-san, please, if you lose hope I don't know what I'll do." Yuuki pled, leaping forward for his hand. "You always tell me to stay strong. Have you seen your jii-sama yet?"

Coolly Takuma pulled away and put the glass on the table. "You don't have to worry about that. I took it as my responsibility to protect Kaname from him. We're lucky to be here today, but taking over his work, everyone sees me as another replica of his evil motives."

"Kaname trusts you. That's all you need to keep in mind." Yuuki firmly reminded.

"What if I turn my back on him and plot against the two of you?" Takuma demanded. "How can you trust me? My own jii-sama wanted to annihilate the monarchy! He wanted to kill Kaname and you. How can I hold my head up in public? With what eyes will people look at me?"

"You supported Kaname and only you know why you thought it was the right thing, knowing that will be enough for you to trust yourself. You won't turn into your jii-sama." Her arms webbed around his shoulder in a tight hug. "Oh Ichijou-san, you're worrying for no reason."

His large fingers crawled across his face. "I…I don't know anymore." Takuma hissed miserably. "I can't tell the difference."

Yuuki released him and stood up. "Should I relieve you of your duties? I can arrange someone else to become the Council Head."

"No." Takuma looked up. Blond hair clung messily around his moist temple and cheeks. "I'll do it. I won't shrink today. But if I ever do, Yuuki-sama, I'll gladly let you take my life if you feel I'm a threat."

"Don't worry," Yuuki smoothly inferred, "Nothing of the sort will ever happen. Kaname says so himself, you are his feet that carries him everywhere. He can't move without you."

"Then you must be his will." Takuma breezed through the door without stop. The lock clicked soundly, pooling silence into her somber office.

Yuuki gazed at her tingling fingers, enthralled by the surge of energy rippling through her hands and limbs. "I wish that were true… But his will is unconquerable unlike me."

His powers threaded into her system, became one with her conscience. It brimmed with phantom potency and left Yuuki feeling daring and spirituous. As if no power in the world could surmount what she had. The arrogance, esteem, a dire impel to have and do as it craved, sent her thoughts swinging and lopsided for moments at a time. She would have to control her emotions like Takuma advised if she wanted to properly utilize it. A novice such as herself had no inclusion of what was breached. The wrath Kaname always hid like a secret identity, tucked behind a phlegmatic camouflage was slowly unveiling.

Her basic needs were insuperable. A consistent diet of fresh blood could quench her thirst. Her ability to read her maids' hesitation was peculiar. She sensed their doubts, smelled indifference and apathy in others before seeing them. Yuuki came to know the anger Ruka restrained. The idolization in Kain's gaze as they settled on Ruka. Shiki's practicable nerve to do what he was told filled the lack of self-importance that ate at him since he was a child. Rima acceded to follow in other's footsteps reluctantly, and Aidou…

Aidou.

He was standing in front of the window, appearing as if he was overwrought by thousands of thoughts. Yet the stillness in Aidou's frame and vacant eyes were apparent, brighter than the noon sun, which he glared with disdain. He didn't reel the curtain shut, only stared into an abyss with his brows clumped above twin unsparing blue eyes that were harder than ice.

"I told you to go." Yuuki murmured from her chair, swiveling the blood tablets in the water and let the color bleed. "I have more things to do here, and I can't leave unless they are complete. I promised Ichijou-san. Go with him to the secluded place where they're treating him. Find out if there's anything I can do to help."

"He has a special task for me, and that's to watch over you." Aidou coolly muttered. "I'm not weak enough to pull away from the duties that bind me to my place as his Right Hand."

"I know you're very loyal to him." She whispered over the glass, her fangs sinking into the drink as she swallowed the liquid. Yuuki pulled back and glanced at his stature. "You don't have to prove it to me. You know he discarded his powers in order to make me stronger. Now is an appropriate time to do whatever you want and leave me, because I'm untouchable." A thrill bubbled inside of Yuuki, tumbled over her heart and filled it with lumps of elation.

The mere idea of how powerful she had turned was surreal, but rapturous. Yuuki was glorified by how easy it was to feel Kaname's aura shadow her movement.

Untouchable.

Aidou glanced away from the window for the first time, leashed by the thought of what Kaname left behind. She looked too young, insufficient and incompetent to wield her role. With much support from the royal family, she was accomplished. Daily more citizens were turning to support her efforts. Safeguarded in the palace, the sacrifice that should've died held the power as sole sovereign, sat a couple feet from him as the host of a pureblood's power.

She really was untouchable.

So untouchable that Aidou hated the sound of it. However, she didn't need Right Hands protecting her all of the time.

"Why, you want to dismiss me?" Aidou snapped.

"Your heart isn't here. Go and be there for Kaname. I'd be the first to go if I could."

He saw it clearly. The flashing dew slipping from the corners of her eyes crawl into the edge of her lips. Yearning embellished her genuine tears, abiding and tender ache implored for Kaname's return. Aidou felt his throat burn.

She was in front of him before he realized. Her tear polished eyes, sunken, electrifying, they glowed as more tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Why…?" Yuuki whispered, reading his doleful stare, "Why do you languish when I cry, Hanabusa?"

His jaws set in, and he felt the oddity of his mouth having no idea how to function.

He really didn't know why.

I hate it. Aidou felt himself echo back at her squinted eyes. Really hate watching you sink further into desolation.

Yuuki turned away. "Go." She urged, wiping her tears. "I've been getting used to looking into people's hearts so it's shocking and mind blowing to actually know what someone is feeling. Kaname did a good job hiding this attribute." Ardently Yuuki rubbed her sleeves against her eyes. "I won't cry in front of you if that makes you feel better, I keep forgetting myself. I promised Ichijou-san I wouldn't do it. I'm so…so…" There was another heartbreaking sob tearing from her lips. She gasped and shook her head. "Goodbye, Hanabusa. Go to Kaname, please, and stay close to him. He needs you more than I do."

Because that's what you are now. Even though you have his powers, you're desolate as ever.

"I'll go." Aidou finally conceded. "I'll go to Kaname."

The underground crypt reeked of dust and death. Many prisoners succumbed to it before. As Asato sat pinned to the wall with magical chains that weakened his physical and mental strength, he was having a harder time realizing that his cell at one point centuries ago belonged to one of his rivals.

Green eyes glared into the stretching darkness that was saturated with an indelible hint of ancestral blood.

Often his struggling mind couldn't encompass the prowess of that presence roaming around his cell. Eternal shadows, a gentle movement disguised under a memory that took him years into his youth. He envisioned glory then, the unmistakable right meant for him. He saw his son who had turned away from him, and then his grandchild also spurned him.

Hatred etched their faces, filled the black void of silence as he stood glaring at his remaining families whom he may never see.

What a life he had a lived. He managed to do everything he ever wanted, some actions successful while others were not.

The metal bars grated once the door plunged open. He smelled the familiar blood winding around the cell.

Regardless of how long it had been, Kurosu Amaya's blood mocked him from the shadows. If he closed his eyes and listened to roaring silence, Asato believed he saw her sitting next to him, arms wound around her impregnated belly, saying goodbye to the dying fetus. She had waited there for months.

She talked about dark it was, but her heart grew darker. About her unborn child, whom she named and she could see grow up looking like his father. She mentioned fond memories and tearfully smiled, then she cackled at how deliriously powerful the damn Elders had gotten. She was a pureblood being mistaken for killing the king. Oh, then she mourned her child who hadn't breathed once, and for her family, and lastly for her lover who couldn't bear sacrificing her.

She reached out through the bars, spoke to the guards and gave him a silent order. Her mind control was exquisite like any pureblood. Then she took the weapon from the guard and thanked him without a glance, dismissing him with a cool turn of her back. She waited for two complete days.

Finally Amaya penetrated her heart with the poisonous blade. Her lover felt it right then, came dashing underground to capture her in his arms, but painfully too late to stop the poison. Amaya died instantly before Kuro's eyes.

Asato fidgeted against the burning light showering from the door. A silhouette passed through, intercepting the light and rendering him into shadows again. He stared up long and hard, immaculately sat back at the sight of his grandson.

Takuma held up the weapon over his head. "For all the things you've done, wouldn't it be better for you to die instead of living shamefully for an eternity?"

"I've done everything I ever wanted." Asato replied. "I have no regrets."

"You made me pitiful." Takuma growled. "Today is the first time I want to shed blood for vengeance!"

He waited willingly, eyes closed. "Proceed, I will not stop you."

His steps took him directly in front of the Elder. "I do this with no regret…jii…jii-sama." Takuma's voice cracked as he raised the sword to strike. "You are worthless to me and our city. I forgive you for taking my father away from me. I forgive you for pushing my family away, but I will never forgive you for hurting Kaname and Yuuki-sama, their families and loved ones were innocent!"

The blade cut skin and bone with an impeccable swing. Takuma's eyes widened at the plopping head on the ground. Asato's body sat as it was before, suddenly dissolved into dust.

When Yuuki found him in her room, heavy eyed, pale and trembling, she knew something was wrong.

Takuma walked close enough for her to smell the scent of his crime off his skin. Speechlessly her eyes searched his countenance, widening only a second later at the horrified truth.

He offered her the sword. "Take it." Takuma glared at the wall. "I stand before you incriminated, radiating sin and justice…all the same." He heaved shortly, breaking into grudging tears. "It was for Kaname and you. I promised to be on your side, no one else's."

"Ichijou." Yuuki could only gasp his name in awe. "You…You…" Then she cupped his face, peered into his soulful eyes and sobbed just as he did, feeling his remorse drip straight through her hands and absorb into her heart. "Oh no, no, no. You aren't a criminal. You haven't sinned. No!" If she could, she prayed to heal his wounds and hugged him as if she were soothing a child.

"Shh…" Her hand stroked his blond hair. "I'm sorry, so sorry."

"I…" Takuma stared grimly over her shoulder. "I need to be alone for a while." He croaked against his will.

Yuuki released him and observed his tear shimmering eyes. She wiped his cheeks dry with her knuckles. "If that's what you want, but don't go too far."

"I won't be far from Kaname." Takuma assured. "I will watch over him like I promised."

Her fingers wrapped around the sword handle, watched her skin sizzle and burn from the anti-vampire spell. He marched outside, closed the door swiftly. She gaped at the sword reeking of Asato's essence. Victory was the last thing she felt. Instead Yuuki was swarmed with guilt. Her vengeance coerced a grandson to kill his own grandfather. She knew Takuma's pure eyes would refuse to glow of elation like it used to. They were immersed in misery and irascibility, the change in him was irreversible.

Zero reared his eyes on the steaming teacup. Lethargically accepting the drink, he framed the warm object in his palms, as if he were holding his own soul. Ichiru sat down in the chair across the table, lavender eyes alert and scornful. He set his tea on the table, watched his brother in sheer distaste.

"You were a puppet." He attacked. "You killed people when he told you to. If he told you to kill yourself, you'd had done it." He wasn't speculating nor questioning Zero's motives, Ichiru merely stated the facts, cleared all lurking suspicions and lies hindering their relationship for decades past.

Ichiru folded his arms and stared at the table. "You're my other half, Zero. I always felt left out when you and Yuuki were together. When she was younger, she was closer to you. I kept barging into your relationship, took her away; even drank her blood so she'd pay more attention to me. At that time, she started becoming distant with you. That was when…"

"She started calling me 'Zero-san'." Zero nodded.

"I truly resent how strong you are. Funny thing is, Zero, you look like shit to me. I lost respect for you when you began working for the Elders Council. I hated what you were doing, and I couldn't trust you."

"I don't blame you." Somberly Zero whispered. All the while not looking away from his tea. "Haruka and Juuri-sama were hesitant to approach me. On the inside, they wondered what I was doing, but neither asked me if what I was doing was good or bad."

Evenly Ichiru glared at his twin. "Did you ever regret…going to them?"

"No." Zero slurped the tea and thrilled in the exploding heat inside of his numb mouth. "Asato threatened to kill you because you knew about Kaoru-kun's murder. I told him I'll turn myself in, and he used me to his heart's content. As long as I kept working for him, you were safe."

"What about Yuuki?" Ichiru demanded. "What's this about your having to kill her?"

"Ousama didn't, so I was sent to spy on Yuuki. I heard about the territory that's forbidden to everyone except Ousama and his Right Hand, Ichijou Takuma. I figured that's where Yuuki was kept all along. Later when Ousama introduced Yuuki to the whole Kuran clan, I continued spying on Yuuki. We met at her inauguration. She had started craving."

"Yet you didn't kill her." Ichiru twirled his cup on the table.

"No."

"Because you couldn't? Didn't want to? Or you weren't ordered to strike?"

"All of the above."

Resentment fanned within Ichiru's heart. "You are a mixture of good and bad, Zero. You can do whatever your mind puts you to it. I can see why Asato favored you." He bit his tongue and looked away. "Yuuki is a fool for trusting you even now. She considers you a good friend."

Zero nudged his empty cup away. For a long time, neither brother said a word and mused in silence.

"Are you still after her life?" Ichiru asked with a bleak heart. "Yuuki is very pure. You aren't her rival. If she wanted, she could've immolated you and Asato."

"Mm." A fact, which had crossed Zero's mind multiple times.

"What now?" The unexpected question shoved silence on the two again. Zero twitched at the many scenarios sprinting in his mind. Ichriu refused to look up and register the obvious answer. He muttered callously under his breath. "Are you going to keep working for the Council?"

"Yes, under a new head."

"Once Yuuki decides whom it will be, are you going to keep killing?"

He chose to stand up, regarded Ichiru plainly and said, "Not anymore. I can follow Yuuki with an open heart now."

Ichiru stared at his hands, "She'd like that."

The tablets weren't working. Yuuki dropped a whole canister in her water and swallowed greedily, let the cool liquid dribble down her cheeks and throat, stain her décolleté. Wearily she sank in the chaise, one arm stretched out, fingers hung around the rim of the glass, and her legs dangled a few inches from the floor. She sighed emptily at the dark ceiling of her bedroom—their bedroom.

The room where their first memories as a married couple was created. Presently Yuuki was the only person inhabiting the King's Tower. Her maids continued barging to inquire about her health and her constant need for blood. Though her bullet wound had healed, she thirsted like a beast.

Gulping the cold drink, Yuuki glared dreadfully at the red liquid, a pseudo relief for the tainted mind, temporarily comforting the body but not enough to console her heartache. When she closed her eyes tears dripped across her cheeks and in her neck. Remorse possessed Yuuki, its poison increased her hunger for blood.

She was dismal, her body cold and thin as wet ice. Every part of her throbbed, stung, and stabbed. Transient relief came when she drank blood tablets, or ordered the maids to supply her an IV. Her body welcomed the blood, and she should've gained weight from the impressive amounts, but Yuuki continued to thin. Her throat felt as if it were wedged between doors. The longer she waited for the ache to stop she struggled to contain herself and feared attacking her maids.

Rubbing her eyes with cold hands, Yuuki softly breathed. Her numb hands slapped against her knee, dreary eyes stared at the vacant bed, the vanity, chairs and coffee table, the exquisite rug. She was standing and strolling away from the sitting area. Her bare feet stumbled over the rug, the marvelously smooth wood croaked. Yuuki clenched the glass; let the broken pieces penetrate her fingers and palm. In a sudden, her blood pooled, dangerously alluring, maroon and hypnotic.

The river was pure, flush with memories, captivated with love and longing as it slapped over the floor and around her feet.

She laughed a little and let pity sink in. Oh how exotically beautiful this pain was…Compelling, entrancing and demoralizing.

Her feet drew her away from the trail toward the closet. Yuuki glared the starkly divided sections. The room was massive, appropriate for its owners. On the right, the space was designated for the queen, while the left was for the king.

His belongings were separate, prized and protected like historical artifacts. Yuuki treaded inside of his enormous closet. Her lips tweaked at the sight of his folded and ironed shirts. His long coats stood with open arms. She could almost imagine him slipping the articles on his naked body after a warm shower. His wet hair slipped against his neck, next to a lively, supple pulse.

In the drawers were his cravats, cufflinks, pins, belts, ties, watches, rings and bows. Her eyes stung harshly at the trinkets lined under the glass. All twinkled and beckoned Yuuki closer. She leaned against the shelves, pasted her bloody hands on the glass and sighed tearfully. Yuuki gravitated where his shirts hung, extracted one from its confines and smelled it.

Crisp clean, soft like velvet and cool like autumn. Kaname was autumn itself, cool and warm. She slipped it around her shoulders, clasped the buttons and rubbed the smooth sleeves. Yes, they felt like Kaname's.

But he didn't wear them no more.

Sobs harmonized into the silence of the closet. She slumped on the floor, cried and hugged his clothes, breathed the scent he left behind.

"Please, wake up." Yuuki begged. "Please, come back. I won't talk about sacrificing, I won't do anything to hurt you, I won't talk back, I'll eat more and get healthy, I'll drink your blood like you want me to, I'll listen to you—Just please, come back!"

She grew feverish, her body steaming hot to the touch. Yuuki had no clue how long she spent on the floor, latching Kaname's clothes, indulging in his scent. Her maids raced inside, crying hysterically.

"Joousama, you've lost blood!"

She convulsed when they carried her back to the sitting room. The nurses attached the IV to her arm immediately and mediated Yuuki. Her temperature elevated while she twitched and mumbled incoherently. They believed she talked in her sleep.

"What happened?" Ruka entered the room, assessed Yuuki pale on the couch.

"She was in the closet, bleeding. We've given her more blood, but she is feverish." The nurse informed.

Yuuki flinched from her touch, averted and curled her legs. The compressor fell to the floor as she gave a violent wrestle.

"I don't think she is reacting to the blood. It's something else. We're trying to find out what." The nurse said.

"Continue to watch her." Ruka instructed, nodding eagerly, "Whatever it is, stop it and make her better."

"We will try." The nurse answered, leaning over to inspect Yuuki's perspiring face. "Yuuki-sama? Can you hear me?"

Her claws clenched her hair locks, grunting, Yuuki twisted in the couch, face buried in the armrest.

"Are you in pain, Yuuki-sama?" The nurse touched her shoulder. She screamed at the blistering hot smoke spurting over her fingers and gaped horridly at Yuuki.

"Get back." Ruka shoved the nurse with a sweep of her arm. "It must be an adverse affect of the powers. Her body is adjusting to it."

"Powers?" The nurse inquisitively looked up, "Did she gain powers?"

Ruka stared at the woman with remote eyes. "Get more IV in here, make sure her blood level doesn't decrease. We should keep her calm or else she'll attack, not knowing how to control it."

A black river floated around her feet, bubbled and popped like hot lava. When she dipped her toe in the substance, it didn't burn. Yuuki regarded the trench ebbing with the liquid, roped around her ankles and flowed across the landscape into the large stones. An insurmountable body of ocean whispered beyond the shore. She felt her hair flutter in the winding breeze. Yuuki glared at the dark water, then to the slinking motion reflecting on the dark matter.

It straightened, turned to regard the ocean and welcomed it with appreciative eyes.

His black coat rippled in the rustling wind. She felt her lungs freeze, but her heart pound. The roaring of her frantic breathing rocked into her ears. Widely Yuuki stared at the tall creature admiring the oncoming waves. His hair shivered, drifted over shoulders and enshrouded his profile.

Regardless of her inability to see his face, she knew that creature, that shadow.

"Kaname!" Yuuki shrieked.

He turned, eyes beaming and pointed to the ocean. "Look, Yuuki, the waves are coming in. It's high tide."

She was running over the wet puddles, her feet slimy and covered with the dew. Stopping one foot from Kaname, Yuuki gaped at him, eyes riveted on his profile. "Kaname?" Her voice cracked into a pleading sob. "Don't be a dream, don't torture me. Don't be so cruel to me. All I did was love you since I was little." Her fingers pulled forward through the pushing weight of the wind and crept over the sleeve of his jacket.

The material was soft and rough. She remembered the feeling automatically. Clenching her fingers around it, Yuuki looked up hopefully at his puzzled expression. He was also staring at her hand.

"Is this real?" Tears sprinkled over her cheeks, eyes brimmed with pain and happiness, "I can touch you. I can feel you."

Kaname read her soul through his beautiful eyes. "This is your subconscious, Yuuki. I'm here because you want me to be."

Her elation deadened, twisted into confusion, she glared at her grip. "Subconscious?"

"You feel me through your blood." His white hand stroked through the invisible force, grazed her left cheek hesitantly. Instant tenderness shimmered in his crimson orbs, reflecting the enthusiast emotions he experienced from the touch. "You do fine without me, Yuuki. Don't fool yourself thinking you need me."

"How can you say something like that?" Yuuki snapped, vapid, "How am I doing fine? Do you see what I go through? I can't show emotion because I'm afraid your powers will do something dangerous. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I'm frustrated!" Impulsively Yuuki leapt forward, clinging to his collar. "You have to wake up. You have to come back and take your powers, Kaname. I can't keep it!"

Kaname smiled endearingly. "I was trying to help you."

"Why don't you understand?" Yuuki lowered her face, her grip firm and overpowering, "You're my world—everything in that world and after it. I feel like…" She buried her face on his shoulder, reveled in the heat of his body like a waning flower needing its sun. "Like I'm dying, Kaname. Why don't you understand? I don't want us to be like this! Like this…I don't want us to end!"

"No, Yuuki…" His reassuring hand cradled her head against him, the other arm swept around her narrow waist. "You are very alive. To keep you safe, I gave up my will to breathe and chance to stand next to you." Kaname admired the dark mountains and stormy ocean in front of them.

"I see everything, Yuuki. I'm not dead. Because my power thriving in you is limitless, my essence responds to the world through you. Where you stand, Yuuki, I stand. What you see, I see, with the same eyes. When you feel miserable, I feel it. And when you cry, so do I. Every day when you wake up to the morning sun, I do too. I live your dreams, your tomorrows and in your aspirations. I see you succeeding, I see you living, I see you sleeping and smiling. You don't have your salacious dreams anymore."

The comment made her stiff. Yuuki tipped her head back. "You can see my dreams?"

An unruly, charismatic smirk stubbornly controlled his lips. Kaname searched her worried eyes. "Don't worry, Yuuki, I don't mind being the root of your carnal pleasures. I'm rather happy about it."

She flushed brilliantly and glared at his chest. "Kaname!" Biting her lip, Yuuki fumbled for control of the situation. "Dreams are-are personal."

"That's how powerful exchanging powers is." He said. "I'm living in you, tucked deep in your mind. You can feel me if you probe your memories and feelings. The rest remains in the blood bond we share."

Her knotted hands tightened on his collar. Parted lips drew in shaky breath, Yuuki assimilated his words and peered into his doleful eyes. "Can you come back? The only thing to assure me things will be ok is if you wake up with your powers."

Kaname only smiled at his wife, his eyes spelling love and adoration.

Her mouth was agape when her eyes came undone, shrills exploded. The maids hurriedly began wiping her face.

"Joousama!" One of them gasped.

Yuuki sat up in the water, her naked legs jerked and chest heaved. She eyed the pair of ladies sitting around the tub. Then her spine tingled and she gasped, slapping her legs around. "Cold, cold, cold!" Yuuki yelped in the ice water.

"We apologize, Joousama!" A maid grabbed a towel while the other helped Yuuki out. They wrapped her trembling body in the material.

"We were trying to keep your temperature down, you were burning up." A maid cried. "Are you sick, Joousama? Are you going to live?"

Yuuki clung to the towel, her fangs clattered within her mouth as her numbed feet moved over the warm floor. "Ye-yes." She attempted, shaking.

The nurses came into the room, encompassed with relief, "Thank goodness you're awake, Joousama."

"We were very worried."

Ruka darted through the crowd and stopped in front of Yuuki. Her examining eyes fell over her pale face and shoulders. "Are you feeling better?"

"I…I think so." Yuuki contemplated the room. The maids bustled around her, swamping her with warm clothes.

"You became unconscious, but your temperature wouldn't go down." Ruka explained. "The maids were monitoring you in the bath. You weren't alone. I see the bath technique worked." She checked her forehead. "Maybe it was because of your new powers."

"They're not mine." Before she could stop the murderous edge in her tone, Yuuki rebuked her Right Hand crudely. An alien glow of hatred flickered in her eyes. "They are Kaname's. They'll never be mine."

Ruka furrowed at the woman. "Do you remember anything before you went unconscious?"

"I was in Kaname's closet."

"What were you doing there?"

Yuuki adorned the sweater and let the maids push her in the chair. "Thinking…" She glared at the vanity.

"If there is another episode, we'll have to be ready." Ruka murmured.

Yuuki clenched her fist and gritted her fangs. "I saw something…"

Ruka turned back, "What did you say?"

She looked up in a trance at Ruka, "I saw something…I met someone…someone familiar."

"In the closet?" Ruka sturdily demanded. "Was someone trespassing?"

"No." Yuuki rubbed her sore temple. Her fingers tickled over her ear and dug directly around the back of her head, where the pressure of long balmy fingers lingered. "Someone was holding my head right here, speaking to me about living, the future and succeeding."

Confusion bled into Ruka's frazzled countenance. "What're you saying?"

"I think I need rest." Yuuki chuckled and covered her face. "My body feels light as a feather. Heh, it must be exhaustion talking."

"Joousama, yes, you're right. You need sleep. Come, we'll prepare your bed." The maids scuttled into the bedroom.

Ruka guardedly watched Yuuki trail after them. She followed at a distance, leaned against the wall with her arms folded.

Treating her bedside with disdain, she curled on Kaname's side and hugged his pillow against her face. The maids secured the blankets around her form and checked the curtains.

"You may go, ladies." Ruka sat down in the sitting room. "I'll stay and keep watch in case."

"Hai." They bowed toward Ruka and obediently closed the door from the outside.

A league of sharp-witted and brilliant minds collaborated to restore an insensate pureblood. Despite the anomaly of Kaname's condition, they continued searching for methods of revival. Either transferring life source from other vampires, or transfusing blood, his body remained unresponsive. Exams after exams, days winded to months without specific results, seasons unraveled like rolling ribbons, paling the world in the harsh winter, then governing it with colors, and the rest of the time, the pureblood king stayed in a vegetative state.

Takuma and Aidou frequented the lab and clinical sites, brought other experts, including humans to care for Kaname. Intrigue and determination fastened them to the case in the beginning. Ultimately all of them shook their heads at the lack of improvement and chose to withdraw.

"Get out of here." Aidou slurred at the prestigious doctors. "You want to leave, then go. Don't waste your breath telling me it's useless!" He shouted. "I can find more, better qualified doctors than all of you combined."

Takuma alertly clamped his shoulder and tugged him behind. He bowed to the earnest team who had endlessly applied their knowledge and efforts to facilitate the matter.

"Thank you for everything, everyone. When we began working together, we agreed that if at any point we feel we can't do anymore, we'd let each other know. You've helped us by being here. Thank you again. Our queen has deep gratitude for you all." Takuma bowed, grabbing Aidou's arm and forced him to follow his example.

The blond grudgingly bent over his waist and straightened. Glaring blue eyes narrowed on the individuals.

"There's not much we can do about them." Takuma closed the door after them. Aidou lounged against a chair, gazed out the window angrily. "I never thought they'd stick with us for this long, their stamina is impressive."

"We have to find another team." The approval for his suggestion was written in the reeling silence of the office. Aidou kept his eyes on the window. "I'll find more. They're more professors who kept bothering me to join their projects for ages. It's time they show me what they kept harping about."

"I don't want to give up." Takuma whispered.

"No one is giving up." It was Aidou who resolutely declared the agenda. "None of us will give up on Kaname. Just knowing Kaname is breathing is enough encouragement that it's not too late, and we have more chances."

"It's been three years." Takuma rubbed his sore eyes. "As far as we know, he can be in this state forever."

Aidou swung the chair around, jaw clenched. "Things aren't how they were before, but we are still in need of a king."

"Even though he is alive, it's not enough. How many more teams are going to walk away? We've already used as many resources available to us. On top of that, the public believes the council killed Kaname, and they want to eradicate it. They're hanging onto Yuuki-sama's words. They believe in her more than anyone else."

In these three years, a lifetime of scars can't compare to the wounds you've given me.

"Oh my! Our Joousama's pretty feet are muddy. May I clean it for you?" The elder citizen groped her feet. "We're not used to having royals in our farms." She rambled.

"Oh, no, no, I'm fine." Yuuki grinned. Somehow walking barefoot in the muddy fields and helping villager's plant crops quenched her soul. She was in constant thirst of soothing her ache. Sitting on her knees in the muddy water with her fingers slipping strands of roots in the ground, the pureblood queen worked alongside villagers.

It had been approximately an entire week in their company. Yuuki had slept on the floor next to them, used the same bath and river for cleansing, helped make breakfast in the morning and worked in the farm for hours on end, until it was time to retire home to prepare dinner. Without the knowledge of the natives, Yuuki spoiled the natural soil by transporting her healing powers and force in the land. Plants grew greener, vegetables were tastier and herbs used to heal their wounds grew richer in number.

During her stay, the villagers gathered at nights to entertain Yuuki. Due to her presence, they believed peace liberated within the natives. They had never beheld the presence of a royal queen so closely in their lives. So on the day of her departure, they mourned as if the village chief had passed away.

If they were hurt even once, Yuuki spurred to heal them, as if the sight were gruesome for her soul. Through the years of her gaining new powers, Yuuki put them to good use. She learned slowly she could heal faster, sense others acutely, almost read minds, but she never had a need to attack offenders.

"Joousama." The village elder grasped Yuuki's hands and pressed them against her weeping eyes. "You've been a blessing to us. Your coming here and staying with us, look at how happy we've become."

Yuuki sniffed and hugged the woman tightly. "I'm not going too far, just back to the palace."

The children were lined together in front of car, teary-eyed. "Do you have to go already?"

"There's a good chance I might come back." Yuuki pinched the girl's cheek.

"Please, come back soon!" The girl jumped excitedly. "I can't wait!"

Kain held open the passenger door. Yuuki paused by the door and waved at the sobbing villagers. "I promise to take care of you all. Stay healthy." She had planted ounces of her energy in their resources, so they lived longer.

The villagers bowed respectfully as she climbed into the vehicle. Ruka waited across the seat, unfolded her leg and sat up. Kain entered and closed the door promptly. He assessed the women and set an arm against the armrest on the door.

"We have two hours before your public announcement." Ruka provided Yuuki a packet of documents. "Everything is prepared. All we need is your presence."

"The public address had drawn everyone to the council." Kain informed. "You may be used to speaking in public, but everyone is concerned whether Kaname—"

"Is this all?" Yuuki was already flipping through the documents, eyes raking the script.

"Yes. Unless you want to improvise?" Ruka offered.

"Appealing but very evasive, it doesn't answer their questions." Yuuki closed the packet and returned the documents. "I know what to say, Ruka. They want to hear the truth, and the truth is no one knows if Kaname is coming back." Her daring eyes fused on Kain. "Am I right, Kain?"

He grunted under his breath. "Thankfully you gained their support after throwing out Asato from the council. The Council of Ancients wants to check and see if everything is going smoothly."

"I'd be happy to speak to them." Yuuki rubbed her throbbing neck. Mud outlined her nails and she smelled of grass and hay.

Ruka's nose flared, "You...are going to clean up?" She murmured gravely.

Yuuki blinked, dumbfounded, "I don't have to."

"You are going to clean up." Her Right Hand rebuked, "You're about to address the public, don't go smelling like horse shit."

"Fine, but a quick bath is all I can afford." Yuuki shot back.

Ruka sighed with relief. "The maids are waiting. They'll assist you."

Once the matter with her hygiene was settled, soon Yuuki was standing in front of her city addressing her citizens with open arms.

"My people, we are hoping for the best. We've made significant progress over the last three years. Our Council is under new management. Because they are part of the cabinet and it's important for the monarchy to have a check and balance system, they can't be eliminated. While their role is crucial, they also have limits like I do. Each member of our Royal Family is participating in furthering future beneficial developments, in areas of education, economy, labor, technology and civil rights. Every day we are working together to tie loose strings. We are looking at taking care of each family in our city."

Yuuki paused at the sight of a reporter who raised a hand. "Yes?"

"Joousama, has there been any progress in Ousama's situation?"

There wasn't a hint of emotion prevailing Yuuki's façade. She looked coolly at the flashing cameras and the questioning man. "We have assigned experts to help Ousama. Research surely has taken us far into understanding how unusual it is for a pureblood to be in a coma. We still have reason to hope. Ousama isn't weak. I'm positive the teams have found new solutions."

"You've been working with the people everyday and are constantly walking around the city, it's normal to see you around the corner these days," The reporters chuckled at the remark, "But Joousama, what about the condition of the Royal House? You haven't failed the public with your constant and honest work. Does the Royal Family feel uneasy in Ousama's absence?"

"Yes." Yuuki elegantly nodded once, eyes sweeping shut. "We are anxious to have him with us again, and we all miss him dearly. However, we won't give up."

Do you know? How much it has taken me to keep a front?

At the end of the conference, she shook hands with the reporters. Accompanied by her guards and Right Hands, Yuuki swept through crowds into the streets. The citizens were waving the royal flags and sang her name. Some tossed flowers, letters, wishful words and blessing. She accepted their handshakes and hugs.

By now, it was particularly easy to walk among the crowd of citizens. She saw them constantly and had visited most of their houses, sat and spoke directly with each parent to understand their difficulties better. It was not unusual of Yuuki to spend time in hospitals, visit the sick and injured. Her work extended to all areas of the city. She was very involved in their lives, attentive to their concerns more than her own.

She was escorted into her vehicle and sat in the darkness. As soon as the door closed, Yuuki slumped wearily against the seat. She overworked her frail body to the point exhaustion forcefully pinned her to sleep.

Vague dreams enraptured Yuuki, some she remembered and others were too forgettable. Sometimes she saw her parents. Then she saw Kaname, who spoke and told her about how to control the chair she harnessed. Yet when Yuuki came to, she'd stare blindly at nothing in particular, feel his lingering voice in her ear, as if he had visited her in her dreams, because the heat of his lips tickled her skin.

Do you know? You house that lonely room in my heart?

She stirred in her seat when the vehicle squeaked to a halt. The chauffer pulled open her door and Yuuki aborted, she thanked the man quietly. Her guards followed her out from the vehicles and into the laboratory. The personnel noticed her immediate entrance and bowed as a welcome.

Done one too many times, Yuuki bowed her head, her legs automatically shot toward the empty elevator. Two guards loomed on her sides in the lift. She was tapping her shoe at the blinking lights that dripped to the bottom of the earth. Her guards stepped out first, checked the hall and gestured her forward.

As soon as she did, Yuuki promptly bumped into Takuma.

The green eyed stiffened and relaxed. "I thought you were addressing the public?" Takuma checked his watch. "Oh, that was quick."

Yuuki gazed the halls over his shoulder. "I, I made it fast."

A knowing but sad smile accompanied his nod. "I know why." Takuma carefully stepped to the side and escorted her slowly through the hall.

Yuuki clenched her wrists, too anxious to plant them on her sides. Her numbed throat was burning, and her eyes feverishly memorized every corner, crack, and design upon the walls. "Anything new?"

Takuma rubbed his temple tiredly. "Not yet. We're still doing tests."

She was twiddling her fingers. "How much more until we know what's going on?"

"I can't predict anything." Takuma slowed and heaved, as if the burden on his chest crushed his lungs. "I have to tell you something, actually." He hesitantly turned to admire her wide-eyed, hopeful eyes. Shutting his eyes, Takuma licked his dry lips. "Don't look at me as if I'm about to tell you good news. It's not."

Her eyes darkened and the corners of her lips disappeared. There was stiffness between her brows, eyes slanted powerfully and glaring at the wall. Her guard was up already, she had prepared herself.

Takuma stared at her clenched fists. "They quit."

"Get another." Yuuki automatically ordered. "If they leave, then get another one. As many as you can. Stopping research isn't an option."

"I-I know." Worriedly Takuma delved the floor, "But, you know how difficult it is to properly diagnosis what's keeping him from waking up."

"Me." Yuuki glared at her Right Hand. "Unless we find out how to return his powers, he won't wake up."

"He is a pureblood, he can wake when he chooses."

"Ichijou-san," A shimmer appeared in her gaze, "You look like you're giving up."

"I'm—" Takuma clenched his jaw. "I just don't know what to do anymore!"

"So you want to leave him like that?" She hissed.

He stared sharply at Yuuki. "I didn't say that."

There was a time they were able to understand and relate to each other's pains. In the last couple of years, they had drifted into frustrated rivals. Animosity and nauseating aggravation consumed each. As they glared at each other with contempt, Yuuki let out a scoff.

"We aren't stopping." Yuuki commanded.

"How much longer do we have to keep doing this?" Takuma impatiently attacked. "He doesn't want to wake up!"

"Keep researching until he does!" She cried.

"It's his will." Takuma muttered. "We can't force him to get up."

"So." Yuuki growled cruelly, "You're saying it's no use? There's nothing out there to bring Kaname back?"

He looked away speechlessly, confirming her suspicion.

"I want to slap you right now." Yuuki whispered.

"Watching him like that…it twists your thoughts and beliefs." Takuma regrettably uttered.

"You think I don't?" Yuuki touched her chest.

Takuma pushed a knuckle against his eye. "Yuuki-sama…" He hoarsely murmured.

"Get out of here." She shoved past him. "Take a break if you can't stand it."

Her strides took her several isles into the heart of the underground laboratory. Yuuki felt her body slam against the wall and her legs melt into the floor. She stared dizzily at her trembling hands.

There were always tears in moments such as this. Yuuki laughed at the spray of water dripping over her face. She thrust her palms on her wet face, head clutched in agony. It was not the first time, nor the last, in fact, she had done it too many times it was now considered a habit. Yuuki was able to stand back on her feet with a moistened face. Her legs brittle as glass.

She latched the door handle hesitantly and slid it open. The curtains were drawn, and the pale white walls burned her eyes. White sheets flooded the bed, matched the pillows. She noticed they hadn't been changed. Quickly tying her hair, Yuuki unbuttoned her jacket and placed them on the table. Envelopes spilled with letters, books, and CDs occupied most of its space.

She started with the blanket first, rolled it out of the way and lowered the bed. Kaname's white hand lay limp on his side. She basked in its paleness, clenched it in her own.

"Look how cold your hands have gotten." His skin felt smooth, liquid and pure silk under her touch.

For thirty-six months, Yuuki had raised the top half of his bed, used fresh clean towels and warm soap water to clean his body. She cleansed his cool skin with heat. Wiped his ears, throat and marvelous chest. She undressed and clothed him with care. Washed his growing hair, brushed his teeth and cut his nails. Every inch of Kaname appeared relieved and livelier afterwards, as if his beating heart was aware she was near.

Yuuki arranged his pillows and helped him recline into them. She massaged his legs to avoid stiffness and cramps.

In the silence, she sighed, sniffed, and sobbed to his dead ears. When she grew weary, she slept beside his bed, her hands warming his all the while.

For thirty-six dragging months, she watched him with his eyes closed, listened to him breathe in a daze, touched his beating chest and waited for his eyes to open.

Some days Yuuki read his favorite books, highlighted and penned in his journals, even though she knew he wouldn't approve. All of his books were filled with her doodles. She talked gaily about her days, with a tender smile on her face and proposed when he awoke, to pay respects to their parents together.

One day she whispered about wanting to hear his voice.

She told him she loved him, and that waiting wasn't a matter.

Sometimes she was composed, tear-free and completely untouched.

Other days…

"They say a moment of joy is powerful than a lifetime of sorrow. I'm called a sunflower looking toward one place; a waning child without a place to go. You… I didn't mean those things I said to you." Yuuki quivered. "Did you take it personally? Is that why you won't wake up? I was…" Yuuki turned around to stare at his sleeping face. "You left thinking I was upset with you, didn't you?" Leaning forward, her tear moistened lips pressed on Kaname's.

"Are you punishing me?"

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