Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, Axis Powers: Hetalia or any of their associated characters or fictional locations.

Author's Note: By the way people, have you heard of the Bleach Fanfic 'Uninvited Guests'. It's about Toshiro going through hell at the hands of the rest of the soul society, it's by far one the funniest fic's I've ever read and I'm putting my seal of approval on it so if you feel like a laugh and like Bleach then do yourself a favour and go read it, you can find it in my favourites.

IV

If the owner of a Note's name is entered into a Slash Note they will not be effected. However every other human of the same gender within twenty miles will attempt to have sex with them for the next twenty four hours.

V

If the human whose name is written in this note is paired with a human of the opposite gender then the human whose name was written after the firsts will undergo an instantaneous sex change into the first humans gender.

VI

Multiple pairing (threesomes, orgies, etc) are possible with the slash note but all the names of those involved must be written within the forty seconds after the first name is written, otherwise the Slash note will not take effect for those individuals whose names were not completed within forty seconds.

Well here I am, once again reporting to you sick-minded people the misery which you take such pleasure subjecting me to. But of course you already knew all that so I suppose I had best move on to today's torment.

As you already know last chapter I single-handily crushed all of Fate's crossover characters. However Fate, evidently enjoying to increased insanity brought about by merging series, decided to bring about a new type of stupidity in the form of the Axis Powers: Hetalia characters.

For those of you unfamiliar with the series it's basically about the personifications of various Nations during the second world war, for those you who don't know what personifications are, go look in a dictionary, for those of who don't know what a Dictionary is, get out of my sight you illiterate retards.

Anyway, today's bout of stupidity began in the classroom. The only notable thing about the morning was my breakfast, or lack thereof, for (surprisingly at this point) I want to live and consuming England's cooking it in direct opposition to that desire.

Right back to class. I was sitting in between America and France, Kyomi and Misa having been committed to the hospital for treatments due to Light withdrawal symptoms. Unfortunately, while my life may no longer be in mortal peril my sanity has taken it's place as France is a bigger pervert than the elopers put together (including the Hitsugia's guide to high school ones), only less successful, which would be good if you discounted the fact that all that perversity building up over a period of time without release only makes the pervert more determined.

Fortunately there are such things as restraints and gags, although from the look on France's face I think he might be (unsurprisingly) enjoying being tied up.

America on the other hand is just plain stupid in ways that should not be possible. To any Americans out there whom I have offended I do sincerely tell you to stick it, you try spending hours on end with this egotistical moron and then try and be offended about it. Seriously, I might be biased due to that incident with the American-made lock on the closet door all those chapters ago but all I've seen him do so far is rant on about super-hero's, eat fast-food and declare himself the greatest genius the world has ever seen.

Sorry you blind fool but that position is mine. Did you make Light break out in a cold sweat with the first words you spoke to him? Did you manage to defeat Kira? Are you the world's greatest detective? I DIDN'T THINK SO!

Anyway, back to the classroom. The insanity began when our history teacher started class.

"Now," said the teacher. "Today we are starting on the history of the U.K." England sat bolt upright, smirking at America, any guesses as to who's going to get the highest mark in this class?

As I'm sure all know Britain was once the largest, and possibly the greatest, Empire the world has ever seen-"

"Hold it!" Shouted America, standing up. "America is the greatest country the world has ever seen!"

"He said Empire you moron!" Spat England. "And besides, you aren't the greatest country in the world anyway, you're just an overgrown ungrateful brat!"

"I'm greater than you every were!"

"The only thing you're greater than I am is ego." It continued like this for a while, and truth be told, I wasn't worried, after all England and America having cat-fights is perfectly normal. What I wasn't prepared for was Japan standing up for no apparent reason and interrupting them.

"Neither of you are the greatest country in the world, I hold that honour!"

America turned to him. "Oh yeah?" He folded his arms, "says who?"

Japan smirked. "Says the army waiting outside the school, isn't that correct my loyal minions!?" He called.

"YES O' GREAT JAM-GOD!" Screamed a crow from outside the window. I quickly glanced outside to see the J.A.M. Running outside like the lunatics they were.

Well I can't say I was surprised, but it's been a while since we've seen them hasn't it? Mind you, I wonder how Japan got them on his side, maybe he offered them free cable?

Back to the story: America just grinned at Japan. "Yeah, like a hero like me is going to be beaten by Jam-worshippers!"

Japan's eyes narrowed. "Oh, you don't think they can out-do your petty army? One look at the J.A.M. Health plan and regular company holidays and they'll desert like they found peanut-butter in their rations!"

America blinked. "And what so bad about peanut butter?"

Japan opened his mouth, then closed in and started rubbing at is temples. "I don't quite know, I need to stop spending so much time with random cults..."

America shook his head. "Well whatever, even if the the J.A.M. were to beat my army I still have one ace in the hole!"

Japan's eyes narrowed, "oh yes, and what is that?"

America suddenly ran over to me, wrenched me out of my seat and stuffed me under his arm.

"HEY! Enough with the pretty boys throwing me around like a sack of potatoes!" I shouted.

"Did someone say something about potatoes!" Germany was suddenly a few inches away from my face.

America glared at him. "Go away Germany no one's talking to you!" Germany went back to Italy to sulk. America turned back to Japan, "and like I was saying before I still have one ace in the hole left if my army gets beaten by thirty-something people in toga's with a Jam fetish! From what I've heard this little boy is a virgin, and everybody knows cults are always after virgins! All I have to do is give him over to them and they'll be too busy deflowering him they won't notice me knocking them all out!" America struck a pose.

They room was silent.

Near: 10 Fate: 15

I glared at America. "I hate you."

Suddenly Hungary stood up,"come here little boy..."

France tried to say something, but the gag was still in place. However the look in his eyes will still doubtlessly plague my nightmares for many years to come (assuming I survive that long).

"I think you should become one with me..." said Russia, still somehow not as creepy as France eyes.

Japan shook his head. "Alas, foiled again by the luck of fools. You have won this round America but I shall strike again, and this time I shall win!"

America struck another pose, and grinned at England. "I won again, just like a hero always does!"

"Yes, despite the fact that you've lost almost every war you've fought in for the past fifty years." Replied England.

Hmm nice response, now if only your cooking wasn't banned by the UN we might have- wait England's cooking! I grinned.

"Aww he's smiling!" Cooed Hungary.

"He must want to become one with me!" Proclaimed Russia.

"Mpppppphhh," moaned France. Which was somehow still creepier than Russia.

"Not exactly..." I said, still smiling. "You see I ate England's cooking for breakfast, that means England's food is in me right now, and that means..."

"If I try to deflower you I'll be putting my... Moscow in the same place as England's cooking." Realised Russia with an expression of intense horror. "It'll drop off!"

Hungary however, was not so easily taken care of. "Well that's a problem all right, or it would be if you were telling the truth!"

"Er what do you mean, are you saying that an innocent little boy like me would lie!?" I put on my best 'kicked puppy' expression.

"Awww," cooed Hungary. "Not buying it, and besides if you ate England's cooking then how are you still alive?"

Everyone in the room froze and looked at me.

"Um, er... I have a strong stomach!" I declared desperately.

"String enough to withstand toxic waste?"

"Hey!" Protested England, poor fellow, he must have been feeling left out.

"... since when did you get so smart anyway?"

Near: 10 Fate: 16

Hungary grinned. "I knew it!"

Russia gasped. "You lied to me, oh you naughty little boy, why I'll let Belarus join in just for that!"

Okay, I admit it, at this point things weren't looking too good for me. In fact, the situation was looking so bad as to come back around the other way, meaning it was still bad but it was kind of good in a weird kind of way that shouldn't be possible to comprehend or explain and-

What the, where the hell did that from!? Dammit I need some sane time before my fragile psyche joins France's virginity.

Well anyway, like I was saying things were pretty bad at this point, however I still had one trick left up my sleeve.

"Hey!" I called down to the J.A.M., "you there, freaks in the togas!"

"YES O' WHITE ONE!?" They called as one.

I pointed at Russia and Hungary. "Those two like peanut butter better than Jam!"

"DOWN WITH THE PEANUT-BUTTER LOVERS!" Screamed the J.A.M., who promptly ran through the the schools front gate.

I looked at Russia. "I'd start running if I were you, they're sort of like thirty Frances except with less lubricant." Which is true, they eat theirs...

Russia paled. "I see, well then I think we'd have best be-"

Unfortunately Russia never had a chance to finish that sentence as it was at that moment that the J.A.M. Burst through the classroom door, grabbed him and Hungary and ran back out again.

"Well..." said Austria. "That was quite random, I know that I should be feeling anxious that my on-and- off girlfriend has been kidnapped by a spread-worshipping cult but for some reason I want to have a party, must have something to do with all the threesomes she's made me have with Prussia and Russia."

Near: 11 Fate: 16

Well that's all that happened today besides the cafeteria incident which cannot be reported due to the rating. Suffice it to say that England taking a job as the school lunch-man was not a good idea, which surprised me all pretty much all he had to do was heat the food up, and yet he still managed to turn the gravy neon blue.

Anyhow, I've enough with writing about today's insanity, all that's left is to report on the the Slash Note. Unfortunately due to the laws of the Slash Note I can neither burn it nor give it to someone else, furthermore the rules have stated that I must use it soon or else be forced into a horrific scenario involving Aizawa and Matusda.

The Score: Near: 11 Fate 16

7th of December

The Yagami household

Stuffing this stupid diary in my drawer

Nate Rivers