Chapter Twenty Six
Dean's busying himself in the kitchen when he hears Cas call his name, dropping the plate he's holding instantly and making his way to where he had heard Cas' voice because that hadn't been a normal greeting, something is wrong, Cas sounds scared.
Dean nearly drops to the floor when he sees the state of Cas. His face is scratched, just like Dean remembers it from his past, gouges into his face where the demons had scratched him during their hunt for the colt, a possible broken nose. But that isn't what makes Dean run to the angel, grab his arms to hold him steady. No, it's the fact that Cas is holding onto his abdomen, hands bloody, shirt drenched in blood around the wound that Dean can't see yet, can't begin to know how bad it is.
"Cas? What happened?" Dean chokes because this is too similar, the blood on Cas is too damn similar.
Castiel looks up at him blindly, blue eyes wide in pain and fear in a stark contrast to the blood staining his face, gasps out, "D-D-Demons."
With that Cas collapses to his knees, Dean trying his best to steady him so he doesn't fall too hard, too roughly, brings them both down to the floor. Castiel drops his forehead to Dean's shoulder, his body shuddering against Dean's as he lets out a small pained whimper.
"Okay Cas, it's going to be okay," Dean murmurs, trying his hardest to be strong here, to not let those thoughts take him from the task in hand because Cas needs him, "I'm just going to get your coat and jacket off okay, then we'll get your shirt off and I'll sort you out. You're going to be fine Cas, trust me."
"O-okay," Castiel manages to gasp, finishing off with a wrecked sob into Dean's shoulder, Dean's heart lurching at how utterly broken he sounds.
"Okay Cas, let me get you out of your coat," Dean murmurs, not pushing Cas away from him, lets him carry on resting heavily against his shoulder as Dean tugs the coat off Cas shoulders, stopping short when Cas doesn't move his arms, hands still pressed firmly to the wound on his stomach, "Hey Cas, you've got to let me take off your coat and jacket, just move your hands for me okay?"
Castiel shudders, keeping his hands firmly clamped on the bloody wound, croaks, "Dean."
Dean pries Cas gently from his shoulder so he can look into his panicked eyes, lets one hand gently curl around one of Cas' wrists, says softly, "Hey, it's okay Cas, everything is okay, I just need you to let me take your coat and jacket off okay? And that means you've got to drop your hands from your stomach."
Castiel shakes his head, eyes fluttering shut as he tries to stay conscious which means it's bad, it's really bad. Still, Dean forces a smile, lets his thumb glide soothingly over Cas' wrist, "Hey, come on Cas, just do it for me okay? Just let me do this for you Cas and then I can make it all better. Trust me Cas, you trust me don't you?"
Castiel forces his eyes open, blinks at him before nodding, tentatively dropping his blooded hands to his sides, dropping his forehead back to Dean's chest before Dean can survey the extent to how bad the wound is.
"That's it Cas, knew you could do it," Dean murmurs, trying his best to keep his voice from wavering, gently tugs off the coat and then the jacket, tossing them to the side. Next is the shirt but in the way Cas is resting against him, it would be near impossible to unbutton the buttons and Cas' breathing is getting more and more ragged as time goes by so Dean just rips the shirt off him, buttons pinging across the room, Cas letting out another pained whine.
"Okay, I'm going to carry you to the bed now, it might hurt a bit but as soon as we're there you won't have to move again," Dean says as calmly as possible, rests one arm under Cas' waist, the other under his knees and picks him up as gently as possible, trying his best not to think of the last time he'd carried Cas like this, how he'd carried Cas like this when he'd been nothing but a burnt out vessel.
Dean doesn't have enough time to think about it as Castiel screams, eyes and body tensing under Dean's scrutiny.
"I'm sorry Cas, I'm so sorry," Dean tremors, quickly makes his way to the bed and laying the angel down as gently as possible, Castiel's eyes snapped shut in pain as he hisses.
"Okay, I'm just going to take a look now, focus on my voice and try and not to sleep okay?" Dean murmurs because Castiel looks close to passing out and Dean knows from experience that that's a really bad fucking sign right there and he can't lose him, can't lose him again, not now. Dean takes a deep breath to try and focus, touches the wound tentatively, trying to see how bad it is and fuck it's bad, "Cas, it's gone straight through your organ, I don't- I don't-"
Castiel's eyes flicker open, manages to gasp out, "Just stitch up the skin, my grace will heal it eventually, I just need you to stitch it, it'll start the process of healing."
"Okay, okay," Dean whispers, so close to losing it but holding onto what Cas says, goes to his bag that's filled with his med supplies and grabs a needle and thread and wipes, says as soothingly as possible, "I'm just going to clean it up and then I'll stitch it. Everything's going to be fine Cas, I'm going to fix it for you, everything is going to fine."
Castiel doesn't reply, just shuts his eyes again as Dean tackles the wound. Dean gently wipes away the blood, so much fucking blood, Castiel crying out in surprise, eyes opening blindingly for a moment before shutting again. Dean goes as fast as possible, not just because he knows he needs to to heal Cas as quick as possible but because seeing Cas with so much blood on him is taking his memories down a dangerous path and he can't think about that right now.
"Okay, now I'm going to stitch you up, this might hurt a little okay but stay with me Cas," Dean says, grabs the needle and thread and methodically starts to stitch the gaping wound, trying to do it as pain free as possible, wincing every time Castiel hisses out or whimpers underneath him, keeps murmuring to him that he's going to be okay, half talking to himself at this stage.
"Okay, I've stitched you up, I'm just going to clean it and then it'll heal right?" Dean asks, biting his lip because even though he's healed the skin, he can't stop thinking about the complete mess that Cas' insides are in, how deep the knife must have been pushed into his body.
"Y-Yes," Castiel nods, barely able to even get words out, "My-My grace will heal it."
Dean nods back, grabs more wipes to clean the newly stitched wound, Castiel's body tensing until he stops, until the wound is finally clean. Dean looks up to Castiel's face, sees how the scratches in his face still haven't healed, his nose still at an odd angle, bruising starting to form under Castiel's eyes.
"I'm just going to clean up your face now okay Cas?"
"My face?" Castiel asks, wrinkling his broken nose in confusion.
"Yeah, you've got a couple of scratches and I think your nose is broken," Dean says softly, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Cas, heart thudding loudly against his chest. The fact that Cas had been in so much pain, that his stomach had been hurting so much that he hadn't even realised the wounds on his face tells Dean how bad it had been, still is.
"This is going to hurt a bit," Dean admits, grabbing a wipe with one hand, the other grabbing onto Cas' hand and holding it tightly, Castiel squeezing back, a determined but tired expression on his face. Dean tries to go as gently but quickly as possible, cleaning away the drying blood, only leaving jagged scars and his broken nose. Dean can only hope that it'll heal soon because just looking at Cas like this makes it difficult not to break down, for thoughts to bubble to the surface.
"I'm just going to clean this all up but I'll be right back okay?" Dean murmurs, desperate to rid of the bloody clothes from his vision. Castiel looks at him for a moment before nodding, slowly releasing Dean's hand. Dean tries to go as quickly as possible, grabs Cas' clothes and piles them up on the kitchen table, knowing that when Cas is better he'll be able to clean and patch them up as good as new. He throws the other rubbish in the bin, giving himself a minute to wash his hands, carefully not looking at the blood rinsing off him down into the drain, Cas' blood.
"Dean?" Castiel croaks out from the other room, voice panicked, forcing Dean out of his thoughts, from his memories.
"I'm here Cas, I'm here," Dean soothes as soon as he's ran back into the bedroom, half lying next to Castiel on the bed, "How are you feeling now?"
"B-Better, I'm still in pain but you stitching up the skin has seemed to trigger the healing process. Thank you Dean," Castiel pants, looks up at Dean through tired eyes.
Dean lets his fingers glide through Cas' damp hair, murmurs, "What happened Cas?"
"The demons, when we were trying to get the colt," Castiel replies, shuts his eyes at the feel of Dean's hand in his hair.
"How come I can't remember you getting injured, I mean you had scratches and a broken nose but you didn't- you weren't stabbed like this," Dean says because it's true. Castiel hadn't been injured like this, hadn't been stabbed right through to his organs. Dean would remember that, wouldn't have fucking sent them there if he had known this would happen, that Cas would get so badly hurt.
"That's because I hid it from present you and Sam," Castiel murmurs before his eyes widen in a panic as he tries to sit up, "Sam and Dean, they were injured, I have to- I have to-"
Dean places a hand on Cas' chest and nudges him back down onto the bed, "They're fine Cas, trust me, they're fine. Just focus on yourself right now okay?"
Castiel looks at him before nodding, shuts his eyes again, Dean's fingers going back to carding through Cas' hair, finding a lock of his hair and twirling it between his fingers, "Why didn't you tell them you were injured?"
Castiel sighs, "Because I didn't want them to have to fuss over me when they were injured themselves."
"Cas, you should have told them. They would have helped you, they're your friends and they would be pissed if they knew that you were this hurt and that you didn't tell them. In fact, I'm a little pissed that you didn't tell past me, I would have helped you y'know," Dean mutters, not really angry at Cas but angry at himself, because he'd made Cas think that he couldn't tell them when he was hurt in case he would be a burden. He'd made Cas think this, had made it so Cas had flew away as soon as he'd been hurt.
Castiel opens his eyes again, glances at Dean worriedly, whispers brokenly, "I'm sorry Dean."
"It's okay, don't worry about it now," Dean murmurs, kisses Cas' hair, "Just focus on getting better."
"I-I just wanted to see you," Castiel murmurs back.
"Yeah, well I wanted to see you too but not exactly with your guts falling on the floor but I guess beggars can't be choosers right?" Dean forces a smile, watches as Cas shuts his eyes again, small beads of sweat from his hair dripping down to his forehead, Dean wiping them away with his thumb before stroking Cas' hair again, pushing it away from his forehead. Castiel, eyes still closed, tries to shift further into Dean's hold, body tilting to him but he stops suddenly, hissing out, eyes clenched in pain.
"Don't try and move Cas," Dean says, moving so he's closer to Castiel, their bodies brushing against each other, Castiel's eyes flickering open, a small smile on his face through the broken skin making Dean mutter out, "I wouldn't have sent you guys there if I would have known you got hurt like this."
Castiel frowns at this, looks at Dean with confusion, "Yes, but then we wouldn't have got the colt."
"Yeah, but you're more important than the colt. We would have got it some other way without you getting hurt," Dean replies, frowning back.
"We would have probably found the demons without your text, though it would have took longer."
"Yeah, I guess you're right but still..." Dean sighs, knowing that Cas is right, that his past self had known the whereabouts of the demons before he'd sent them a text as Superman. He'd just helped them along the way, made it so they would find the demons sooner rather than later. But still, the knowledge that he'd somehow helped Cas be hurt like this chills him to the bone, makes him want to vomit because he shouldn't be hurting Cas like this, not anymore than he already had.
Castiel doesn't reply, just reaches out with his hand, Dean grabbing onto it and resting it on Cas' bare chest, thumb brushing against Castiel's skin reassuringly, to let him know that he's not going anywhere. The angel shuts his eyes then, breathes out slowly, his body relaxing further into the bed.
"You should try and get some sleep Cas," Dean whispers as he lays down next to him, holding onto Castiel's hand tightly.
"Angels don't sleep," Castiel replies but they both know that's not true, that Cas isn't a full angel anymore but Dean doesn't want to start that conversation, doesn't want to talk about how Cas is falling. Cas shouldn't have to think about that, not now anyway, not when he's hurt.
"Humour me then," Dean whispers, reaching forward to kiss Cas' temple.
"Humour you?" Castiel crinkles his nose in confusion, making Dean let out a huff of amused air.
"Just go to sleep Cas."
"You'll be here?" Castiel whispers, sounding like he's afraid to ask, that he'll close his eyes and Dean will disappear before he opens them again.
"I'm not going anywhere Cas, I'll be right here," Dean promises.
It isn't until Cas' breathing has lulled into slowness, mouth slightly parted in sleep that Dean finally lets himself break down. He doesn't even realise he's crying until a tear splashes onto the side of Cas' face, sliding down his cheek as if it were his own. Furiously he tries to stop himself, gulps in air as he chastises himself for being fucking stupid because Cas is going to be fine, is still breathing, but then again, it's all too similar, is reminding him of when Cas hadn't been fine, hadn't been breathing, had been nothing but wing marks and ash.
So Dean lets himself cry, keeps his hand curled tightly in Castiel's, the other still carding through his hair softly as he silently cries, lets all the shit out before Cas wakes up because Cas can't see him like this, he needs to pretend he's okay when the angel is with him.
It's only an hour or so in that Dean realises that his past self has been calling Cas, is restlessly turning around in bed wondering whether Cas is okay. With a quick kiss to Cas' forehead, he gets off the bed, Cas making a small noise of discomfort at the lack of Dean beside him but he doesn't wake. Dean quickly creeps over to where he had placed Cas' clothes, finds Cas' phone in his coat pocket and sees all the phone calls his past self had sent him, remembers how worried he'd been when Cas had disappeared without a word. He sends off a quick text message, shaking his head at the fact that all this time, it had been him that had put his past self's mind at rest, not Cas.
After that, he makes his way back to bed, grabs onto Cas' hand again, the other stroking his matted hair. Several hours later, maybe even half a day, Castiel wakes up, blinking heavily with a small frown. Dean is exactly where he'd been when Cas had fallen asleep, not having slept a wink, spending the hours watching Cas, remembering every little thing about him all over again as he made sure that he didn't stop breathing, listened to the slow puffs of air in and out as Castiel had slept. He had watched his face slowly heal, the nose going back to it's normal shape, the scratches fading into light scars and then into nothing, Castiel's breathing getting less and less shallower as the wound on his abdomen started to heal.
"Morning," Dean murmurs, leans forward to brush his lips against Castiel's comfortably, "How are you feeling?"
Castiel considers the question, his mouth slowly lifting, "Much better, thank you. It's only the skin that needs to heal now."
Dean rests his forehead against Castiel's, feels his whole body deflating because Cas is okay, he's going to be okay, admits, voice quiet, "You know, you really scared me last night."
"My apologies," Castiel murmurs sincerely though he can't know, will never know how much he'd scared him, how much it had hurt Dean to see him like that. Castiel gently rests his hand at the back of Dean's neck, guiding his mouth to his. Dean lets Castiel's tongue reach into his mouth, moans as he reaffirms that Castiel is okay, he's right here, and he's okay.
Dean's hand trails down Cas' bare chest, breaking free of the kiss to kiss Cas' neck instead, taking a small nip at Cas' pressure point, smiling when he hears Cas moan underneath his touch. The angel wraps his arms around Dean's waist, pulls him tighter until he's trying to pull him on top of him, Dean stopping him with a halt, getting an irritated huff of air in reply.
"Cas, you're still injured, I don't want to hurt you," Dean explains between kisses on Castiel's jaw.
"Then why are you teasing me?" Castiel growls, lips pursed in annoyance.
Dean chuckles into his neck, murmurs against the skin, "I'm not teasing."
"Yes you are," Castiel complains, turning into a moan as Dean gently nibbles on his ear, fingers tracing Cas' nipple lightly, teasingly.
"What do you want baby?" Dean whispers to Castiel's ear, smirking when Castiel shivers under his touch for it.
"I-I don't know, I don't know how, I don't know how this all works Dean," Castiel mutters. Dean stops what he's doing, looks up to a blushing Cas and realising that he's being a fucking idiot here. This Cas hadn't done anything with him yet, is probably scared that he's going to do something wrong or disappoint Dean, just like how Dean had thought in the future when he'd found out that Cas had been with his future self. He doesn't doubt that Cas knows the basics of sex, probably knows what goes where but there's a difference between knowing and doing.
Dean gently kisses Cas on the lips as a way of apology, holds his face in his hands and looks down with a contrite look and tries to explain, "I'm sorry Cas, I forgot that you're new to this. It's just, in the future you were so sure of everything but I guess you learned that all from me, huh? At the time, I did wonder how you seemed to know everything."
Castiel doesn't reply, just traces his fingers down Dean's back, not looking upset, more thoughtful than anything.
"God, our relationship is kind of fucked up isn't it? I mean, I teach you everything you know and then I send you on your merry way to past me who has no clue whatsoever," Dean laughs because it's true, their relationship is fucked up but he doesn't care, will gladly have it like this if he gets to be with Cas for longer.
Castiel's eyebrows knit in worry, asks quietly, "Do you mind?"
"No, I mean, sure, it would look kind of fucked up to everyone else but it's me and you, we're used to strange situations and this is really strange but I don't care. Do you care?" Dean says, his voice going quiet at the end because what if Cas does care, doesn't want to do this?
"No," Castiel replies, making Dean sigh in relief, "As long as you don't."
Dean nods, doesn't need to speak, leans down and kisses Cas forcefully, tongue breaching into Cas' mouth, Castiel willingly giving him back what he needs, kissing him roughly back. Dean carries on kissing him, fingers sliding down Castiel's chest, taking care to slip over Cas' nipple before dropping them to Cas' cock over his pants, thumb gliding over the fabric.
"Dean," Castiel moans, eyes wide as his hips jerk instinctively to Dean's hand.
"I've got you," Dean murmurs, almost breathless, kissing Cas' collarbone, promises with a soft voice, "I'm going to take real good care of you baby."
Castiel nods, eyelashes fluttering when Dean leaves warm kisses down Castiel's chest, sucking on his nipples as he carries on tracing his cock with his thumb, putting just the right amount of pressure there. He lets his kisses carry on trailing down Cas' torso, kissing his stomach, then just above the hemline of Cas' pants. He looks up to see Cas' watchful gaze on his, face flushed as Dean pulls down Cas' pants to just above his knees. Before he pulls down Cas' boxers, he sucks on Cas' inner thigh, hoping he'll leave a mark, a reminder that Cas is his and he is Cas'.
"Dean," Castiel calls out loudly, his fingers grasping onto the bed spread below them.
"I got you Cas," Dean promises, pulls down Cas' boxers until they meet his pants at his knees. He lets himself kiss Cas' inner thigh again, fingernails digging into Cas' hip bones, arguably one of his favourite parts of Cas' body. He looks up to see Cas' face, an expression that's clearly asking for more, mouth parted in want and need and everything in between.
He lets his tongue glide against Castiel's cock, feels Cas tremble below him, groaning in pleasure. Smirking, Dean does is again, tongue sliding against Cas' length experimentally before taking the tip and only the tip of Castiel into his mouth, tongue swirling against the slit. When he looks up at Cas, sees how Cas' eyes are nearly black with lust, cheeks even more flushed, he smirks around Cas' cock before taking more into his mouth, sucking with abandon. Castiel shouts his name, bucking his hips up, pushing more of himself inside Dean's mouth, hands finding and tugging on Dean's hair. Dean takes as much of Cas into his mouth as he can, tongue gliding up and down as he holds onto Cas' hips, fingers digging into the flesh as Castiel bucks up his hips every time he pulls back slightly. Dean stops him from pushing too hard or insistent into his mouth to stop himself from gagging, his cheeks sunken as he breaks Cas apart below him.
It's not long before Castiel moans louder than before, fingers tugging on Dean's hair more tighter, gasps, "Dean, I'm going to- I think I'm going to-"
Straight away, Dean replaces his mouth with his hand, jerks Cas in quick motions as he kisses Castiel roughly, moaning at the fact that Cas is tasting himself from Dean's mouth, makes the kiss even more forceful, tongues hitting against each other. It doesn't surprise Dean that it's only a little while longer before Castiel comes, breaking free of the kiss as he shudders into Dean's neck, breath heavy. Dean strokes him for a little while longer to bring him back to reality, to help him through it before arms are wrapped around his torso and he's being pulled onto Cas' chest. Happily, Dean lets his head rest on Cas' chest, fingers lazily making patterns on Cas' bare torso.
"You enjoy that angel?" Dean asks with a smile, kissing his chest lightly.
"Yes," Castiel exhales.
Dean nods, pulls away so he can kiss the corner of Cas' mouth, "I need to kind of admit something to you."
"What?" Castiel asks, still not completely back to his usual state, breath still heavy.
"Don't hate me okay?"
"I could never hate you," Castiel replies quickly, his fingers tracing over Dean's lips, a look of awe on his face, like he's not quite believing what's just happened, murmurs with a small smile, "Especially not after that."
Dean can't help but smirk, "Well, don't be mad at me."
"Why would I be mad at you?" Castiel asks, eyebrows furrowing.
Dean averts his gaze, watches his fingers trail on Cas' chest, "Well, last night past me kind of called you a couple of times to make sure you were okay. I mean, you did just drop them off at the motel with the colt and then fly off so yeah, he called and text you and I kinda pretended to be you and texted back saying you were fine and that you were following a lead."
"Oh," Castiel utters, hands gliding up and down Dean's back absentmindedly.
"You're not mad?" Dean remarks, eyebrow raised.
Castiel sighs and then looks at Dean like he's an idiot, "No, I mean, you're technically only lying to yourself Dean."
Dean finds himself smiling at that, "I guess you're right."
"You were right before," Castiel declares tiredly, says with the flattest voice he has, "Our relationship is 'fucked up'."
Dean snorts into Cas' neck, "I've done it, I've corrupted an angel."
Castiel huffs, "I was corrupted long before you came on the scene Dean Winchester."
Dean leans out from Cas and raises an eyebrow, "Is that so?"
"Yes," Castiel utters.
Dean lets his lips trail across Cas' jaw, murmurs, "I somehow doubt that. You expect me to believe that before you met the Righteous Man," Dean rolls his eyes at the title, "you swore like a sailor and got blow jobs off your angel friends?"
"Do sailors swear a lot then?" Castiel asks, blatantly ignoring the question.
Dean grins, mutters, "Yeah, I thought so."
Castiel smiles back, one hand reaching up to hold Dean's cheek, thumb swiping across Dean's jaw comfortingly, "You've corrupted me in the best way Dean and I wouldn't change it for the world."
Dean falters at that, the sight of Cas' lifeless body on the ground in the forefront of his mind, how he had watched his body burn into ash and nothing more.
"Dean?" Castiel questions.
Dean clears his throat, "Let's go watch some TV, you're not going anywhere till you're properly healed."
Castiel presses his lips in irritation, "Dean."
"No, don't even try and fight me on this because even if you wanted to go you can't because you need to be fully healed to clean up and fix your clothes so there," Dean retorts.
Castiel nods, smiling, "I suppose spending time with you isn't the worst way to spend a few hours."
Dean laughs, nuzzles Cas' neck for a moment, "Hey, you better watch what you're saying Cas, I'm easily offended you know."
Castiel huffs a laugh, reaches up to kiss Dean gently on the mouth, says softly, "Spending time with you, even when injured, is the best way to spend my time Dean."
Dean swallows heavily, murmurs back against Cas' mouth, "Yeah, me too Cas, me too... You know, you can come and see me whenever you want to, even if your guts aren't falling out," Dean pokes Cas' rib playfully, "Whenever you feel like seeing me, I'll be right here okay?"
Castiel looks up at him and pecks him on the mouth, "I'll hold you to that."
Dean smiles, "I wouldn't have it any other way baby."
And Dean wouldn't.