Sooo, this is a little special chapter. The revelation at the end of the last chapter inspired this little, insert of sorts. Taking a break from the Naomily drama, I give to you a Keffy filled chapter. Seeing as the story is told only through Naomi's eyes, and she's too wrapped up in our favourite redhead, nobody really knows how Keffy came about. Soooo, now you will.
I hope you like it ;)
E5O x
Effy
Her strands of tainted purple spread across my skin, as we lay fingers intertwined, dazed in our sex bubble. At first it was weird, you know? Being with a girl. The first and only time it was just a drunken fuck. I can't even remember her name. But this, was definitely something else. Especially with a girl as straight as Katie fucking Fitch. But somehow, some way, we found ourselves here, laying naked in my sheets, giggling about something ridiculous Pandora had said at school.
That was just before Noami walked in on us, revealing to the rest of the world, well, okay just Naomi, that there was something between Katie and I. That's when I opened the door to our bubble, leaving it open, for the rest of the world to creep its way in.
That's when I admitted to Naomi, but more importantly myself, that I indeed, liked Katie Fitch.
.
I remember watching that show about a bunch of teenagers attending some high society college. That one Pandora wouldn't shut the fuck up about. That was the first time my eyes lay on Katie Fitch, or rather her character, Amy...something a rather.
That was the first time I didn't mind watching Pandora's favourite show with her.
.
One day I received a phone call from Cassie. Cassie would often phone me randomly, updating me on what her and Sid were up to. I laughed when I found out Sid was a bodyguard. Sid is as useless as tits on a bull. But at least he had a job. Then, Cassie told me who Sid was guarding, and I would be lying if I said my heart didn't skip a beat. Sid fucking Jenkins was the body guard to the famous Fitch twins.
.
It was a good six months later, just after Naomi had left for London, that Cassie called me again. She told me about how good she was at eating now. I told her I was proud, because that's what Cassie needed to hear. But it was true. She had overcome her demons, with the help of love. And even if I didn't believe in it myself, love was a very powerful drug for Cassie.
Then Cassie went on to talk about how one of the twins had met a girl. A rather good looking blonde, but Sid had assured her that she wasn't as beautiful as she. Anyway, Cassie had said that this blondes name was Naomi, and this Naomi sounded a lot like my Naomi.
.
I decided not to tell Naomi that I knew a thing. I decided that I would let her tell me, if she wanted to, in her own time. If it were serious, maybe she would, if it weren't, that was okay too. When she returned, I knew something wasn't right. I've known for Naomi since I was twelve. And in the years I've known her, I know that Naomi has this firey spirit. When she returned, part of that spirit had faded.
She never mentioned either of the twins.
.
The day Pandora revealed a magazine with a story on Maxxie and Emily Fitch, I noticed Naomi's reaction. I noticed the hurt in her eyes. Maxxie's as gay as a fucking window. I know that. But Naomi didn't. And it hurt me, actually fucking hurt me, that I couldn't reassure her she had nothing to worry about.
.
Then the fucking shit hit the fan.
The first day of College, in our last year, Tornado Fitch blew into town. Naomi's reaction didn't surprise me one bit. But I held my facade of knowing nothing, because I didn't want to pressure her. Instead I left subtle attempts at trying to get her to say something. Bottleing everything, eventually you explode. Or turn into a alcoholic, whatever.
Emily Fitch fascinated me.
But Katie Fitch, intrigued me.
Of what I knew, Katie was the more out going twin. But the Katie Fitch I saw that day, wore a undetectable smile.
That was the first day I wanted to know what was behind that smile.
.
The day Cook brought the Fitch twins to our sacred table, I smiled at Katie Fitch. She smiled back.
She sat opposite me, and for the first time, my legs went numb. Something that has never, ever happened to me.
That was the first day Katie Fitch almost scared me. Almost.
.
The night I dragged Naomi out to a costume party, was the first night I ever felt nervous around someone. More specifically, Katie. Dressed as an angel. I fucking beautiful angel. I had to laugh at the irony. Not only because from the outside, Katie seemed far from being an angel. But because to me Katie was an angel.
Whenever I thought about Katie, I forgot about all the bad fucking shit in my life. I forgot that I had an alcoholic silhouette of a mother. Who couldn't even help herself if she tried. I forgot that my brother got hit by a bus, and almost forgot who I was. I forgot that I had to take care of him, because my mother ended up overdosing on his pills, and ended up in rehab. I forgot that my Dad left us in the shit. I forgot that my best friend was being mind fucked by the girl she fell in love with. That she was wallowing in her shame of showing everyone who she truly is, and letting Emily Fucking Fitch walk all over her. Hell, I forgot that I was fucking straight.
Because all I could think about was Katie Fitch. Katie Fitch, the angel.
.
The moment Naomi took off upstairs at the party, was the first time Katie and I had been left alone. Sure we were surrounded by drunken idiots. But all I saw was her. I downed the beer as fast as I could, desperate to ease my nerves. I heard alcohol does that. I'd never felt nervous before, at least not the way Katie made me feel. Katie smiled at my determination. Forcing my lips to tug at the corners, because it was impossible not to smile when Katie did.
We took pills together, drank stolen beer together. Me drinking more than her. We stole some vodka, and made a dent in that also. We talked, about everything and nothing. Maybe it was the pills. Maybe it was the alcohol. Or maybe it was just Katie. And how comfortable she made me feel.
She told me about her wariness about coming to Bristol. I told her Bristol had some good points. She smiled at me then. A goofy smile. But still, a smile.
She asked me about myself, and I told her the truth. I told her about my mother. She told me about hers. She sympathized for me. Telling me how she couldn't imagine her mother not caring about her. Told me about how her mother has always been overbearing, and a pain in the ass, but how she knew no matter what, her mother would always be there.
I told her how I wished I could say the same.
That was the first time Katie touched me. Placing her hand atop of mine. I didn't flinch. I went as far as squeezing back, when she squeezed my hand for reassurance.
.
I've never labeled myself as anything. Maybe a crazy bitch at one point, or maybe that's what my mother called me, I can't remember. It didn't surprise me that I felt something for a girl. It only surprised me that I felt something at all.
I've never liked anyone. Never wanted someone. Never felt an actual need for someone. But part of me needed Katie.
Sure Freddie was still in the picture. He thought we were something, and I had failed to make him think otherwise. I didn't care about Freddie. Sure, he's a friend. And I guess I should care about how he'd feel about everything. But I couldn't, not when my mind was blocked with everything Katie.
That was the first time I truly felt. From my own emotions. Not from someone else actions. Not because somebody else had caused me to feel that way. Not from someone elses actions or words.
Katie was only being herself. She wasn't trying to impress me like every other prick.
That was the first time I realized that it wasn't impossible for me to feel something real.
.
The night I stumbled upon Katie and Naomi at the park, I thanked the Gods.
When Katie came back to Naomi's with us, I smiled.
When her leg brushed against mine on the couch, I felt fire.
When I woke up on Noami's sofa, with Katie wrapped in my arms, I closed my eyes, and pulled her closer.
When I felt her fingers stroke my arm, the fire returned.
When she intertwined our fingers for the first time, I understood the butterfly feeling.
When she turned her head to see if I was awake, I kept my eyes closed.
When she pressed her lips against mine, I smiled into a kiss for the first time.
When she realized I was awake, I noticed how cute Katie Fitch is when she's embarrassed.
When I kissed her again, she smiled.
When she ran out the next morning, I felt my first pang of pain.
That was the first time Katie Fitch actually, truly scared me.
.
I hid under the covers on Naomi's sofa. Readjusting myself to real world Effy. Trying to mend back the hole Katie had punctured in my walls. Scared that maybe, Katie would have made it far enough to the point where it was unfix-able.
.
I would never had let on, but I waited in anticipation at Uncle Keith's pub, for the arrival of the twins. More importantly, Katie. I sipped on my beer; fag in hand, to steady the fucking nerves that only Katie could give me. Watching the miserable sods that practically lived here, drinking their lives away. I always thought this is where I would end up later on in life, if I make it that far.
I noticed Naomi's eyes hit the front door first. Knowing that Naomi only looks at Emily that way. Knowing that Katie was here now. I didn't dare turn around. I waited until Katie's perfect form hit my peripheral vision, moving directly in sight. Taking a seat across from me. I tried not to stare. Tried not to let it show that I wanted to stare at Katie for the rest of the night.
Her and her black tight fitting top, that accentuated her breasts. I've always admired a fit body. But Katie had me doing more than just admiring. The white high waist skirt that showed off her perfectly toned legs, had the same affect.
I smiled at her, hoping that she would smile back. Hoping that there was no awkwardness from last night. When her lips tugged at the sides, I felt relief.
When Freddie kissed my forehead, I noticed Katie's reaction.
When we played that game of Emily's, I took note of every time Katie drank.
When Naomi was shocked to know that she wasn't the only one who had kissed a girl, and liked it. I smiled at Katie, over the top of my glass.
When Emily threw more gas on the fire, and pressed her lips against mine, I stupidly enough kissed her back. She wasn't the same. She tasted different. She wasn't Katie.
When Katie stormed off outside, that was the first time anyone had made me feel guilty.
That was the first time I cared about how what I may do, can affect others.
.
I decided not to run after Katie. I watched Naomi go, and shortly after Emily follow. I sat there with an amused looking Cook, who was starting to rise up. Most people would feel sorry for Cook. But I don't. I don't know why. I just don't. Freddie placed a hand on my knee, his way of showing he was turned on. That's when I pulled away from him, and took off outside.
I'll never forget the feeling. That guilt that I felt, when I watched Katie on the side of the road, wiping away her tears. Yelling at her sister. Watching as Emily took off in one direction. Watching as Naomi pulled Katie back over towards the rest of us. Taking note of the fact that Katie couldn't even look at me.
That was the first time I realized that maybe Katie felt the same way.
.
We walked in silence that night. I had grown used to silence. In fact I liked it. But this silence was different, almost painful. Whilst Naomi's mind was running on all things Emily, I focused on katie. The way her heels clicked together. The way she was hugging herself from the night air. The way she wouldn't look at me, but know I was looking at her. The way she said goodnight, but only looked at Naomi. The way I felt on the inside when she did.
The way I hated that feeling.
.
I closed my front door after saying goodnight to Naomi. I remember that familiar smell, a smell I had grown used to. The stench of alcohol and cigarettes. I peered in to the living room, checking to see if everything was in order. Mum was passed out on the couch. Check. The telly was still on. Check. Half a bottle of wine next to her. Check. Two cigarettes, that I stole. Check.
I hulled myself up the stairs, locking myself away in my room. Sitting aimlessly on the edge of my bed, lighting up one of the cigarettes.
Katie.
Katie's inability to look at me.
Guilt.
I remember thinking why the fuck I felt that way? How the fuck could this bombshell do these things to me? I hardly knew her. Kissed her twice. And there I was, dwelling on the fact that I had hurt her. And I fucking cared about her. I don't do caring.
My mind was on overdrive. I had never thought so intently about one person. Yes, I would watch people, see how there lives played out. But never, would I ever actually care about them. Care about how they felt. I knew how they felt. But caring? It was definitely unusual.
What was even more unusual, was when my brain decided to tell my legs to move. Snatching another fag, I took off outside, into the fresh air.
I thanked the Gods for my photographic memory, leading me back towards Katie's house. My steps quickened, something that never happens. But they did. Yes, definitely unusual.
I stopped a few houses down from Katie's, on the other side of the road. Pulled out my phone, and dialed her number.
One ring, two rings, three rings. Fuck!
"Shit, come on, come on, come-"
"What?" Came Katie's harsh tone.
"Katie!" I exclaimed, surprising myself at the desperate tone in my voice.
"What do you want?" She asked, her tone remaining.
"To talk." I countered, collecting myself.
"Well that's fucking obvious." I could imagine her rolling her chocolate, pissed off eyes.
"Any chance you could come outside?" I asked, hoping she'd fucking say yes.
The top window curtain whipped back, and there she stood, peering out the window, in her leopard print pyjama shorts, and black tank top. Fuck she looked gorgeous.
"Why are you standing outside my house, and why don't you have a fucking jumper?" I smiled at the thought of her caring about me being cold. Even if she sounded far from caring. "Stop fucking smirking, bitch." Even from where I stood, I could tell those lips of hers were curling up.
"You're right. I could freeze to death, you better hurry." Katie sighed into the phone. I wasn't far from success.
"Keep your knickers on." I watched as Katie disappeared from the window, and waited in anticipation.
Her front door opened, and out she came, changed into a hooded jumper and some slacks. Holding an extra jumper in her hand. My savior. I made my way over, feeling those fucking butterflies again.
"Put this on." She ordered, shoving the jumper into my chest.
"Do I have to?" I playfully whined.
"Yes, or i'm going back inside." She argued. I didn't think twice. Pulling the jumper on in a flash.
That was the first time I ever really did what I was told.
.
We ended up sitting on her front steps. It started off in silence. Katie obviously waiting for me to say something, me, being unsure of what I actually came to say.
"I'm sorry Emily kissed me." I blurted out. I never blurt. Ever.
Katie scoffed next to me, "It's not your fault."
The silence returned, for only a short minute, until Katie chose to blurt out, "I'm not gay."
"Neither am I." I countered.
Silence, again.
"Then why the fuck can't I stop thinking about you?" There it was. Laid out in front of me. Katie felt the same way. And my heart erupted at her words.
"I was going to ask you the same question."
"From what I heard, you know everything."
I laughed at that. Sure, it wasn't hard for me to read people. Ever since I can remember i've been able to read people. From the closest people to me, to complete fucking strangers. But Katie Fitch was definitely something else. She was on another level.
"You heard wrong."
Silence dawned on us again. The wind had picked up, and the temperature lowered.
"Do you, like, want to come inside?" Katie offered. I hadn't expected her to invite me in. And I hadn't expected myself to accept the invite. But it seems I am unable to say no to Katie Fitch.
.
Inside I took my time observing her Grandmothers house. Every picture. Every ornament. Everything. Right down to the fucking smell. It smelt inviting, the complete fucking opposite to my home.
Katie led me upstairs, past two doors, and into what I presumed was her room. The leopard print duvet cover gave it away.
"Have you heard from Emily?"
Katie shook her head, "She hasn't been home."
"Do you think they'll be okay?" I asked. Katie's eyes bulged.
"You know?" Her voice erupted from her lips.
I shrugged, "Yeah."
"Did she tell you?" Katie asked, lowering her voice this time. Looking completely shocked at the fact that I knew anything about Naomi and Emily.
"No." I replied shortly.
Katie huffed, annoyed at my lack of informing. "Then how the fuck do you know?" Katie threw off her hood and pants and climbed into bed. I remained on the edge of the other side, looking over her shelves.
"Cassie." I replied, stroking my hand over a picture of the girls with Sid.
"Cassie? As in 'Like, wow, that's amazing', Cassie?" I laughed at Katie's spot on impression of Cassie. Much better than mine.
"Sid and Tony are best friends." I picked up the photo, taking in the image of Sid. He had grown, a little. Scrubbed up nice. Lost that stupid fucking beanie, but still had the hair.
"Uh, who the fuck is Tony?" Katie asked. I could feel her shuffling in the bed.
"My brother. Got hit by a bus." I placed the photo back down; turned to face Katie. Finding her turned to face me.
Katie looked lost for words. "He's okay now." I reassured.
"I should go."
"Stay!" I stopped mid way to standing. Looking at Katie for reassurance. "Only like, if you want."
"I do." Katie dropped her hand onto the empty side of her bed. I was cautious at first, but I couldn't resist. I lay down next to her, my lungs filling with the sweet scent of Katie Fitch. I wanted to smell this for the rest of my life.
"I'm not gay, you know. But i've been with a girl before." Katie admitted. To be honest, that didn't surprise me. With a sister like Emily, how could Katie not be tempted to test her lifestyle.
"So have I." I could feel Katie ease next to me.
"Was she pretty?" Katie asked, scooting herself closer.
"Not as pretty as you." I smirked, gaining a perfect eye roll.
.
I remember waking up to a string of purple hair in my face. Lungs still filled with Katie's desirable scent, and a warmth pressed into my chest. My finger tips stroked against bare skin. They continued to stroke until Katie began to stir.
Her fingers grasped mine, and pulled my arm tightly around her. I found some fresh exposed skin, and began to touch again. Leaving featherlight touches on her skin. To my surprise, she twisted in my arms, huffing.
"I'm trying to sleep." she moaned, forcing her head into my neck.
"I know." I traced my fingertips over her neck, causing her to stir some more. "Effy." She mumbled in annoyance against my skin. I felt a familiar warmth between my legs. I wanted her to say my name again. I wanted her to say it over and over.
So I did what I wanted, and substituted my fingers, for my lips. At first Katie was startled, but it didn't take her long to reciprocate.
We didn't just fuck. It was slow, and sensual. Touches lasted longer than usual. My lips wanted to kiss every inch of her body. And I stayed. For the first time ever, I didn't walk out afterwards. I fell asleep in her arms, for the first time, feeling safe.
That was the first night I ever made love to someone.
.
The next day I left Katie's house before her Grandmother woke up. Katie sent me off from her house, sheet cladded, with her hair falling around her shoulders. She looked fucking beautiful, and I wanted to stay longer. But any longer, and things could have become complicated.
Instead of going home, I decided to check on Naomi.
I passed by Emily, leaving Naomi's. We didn't speak, just merely nodded at one another, and smiled. We were both wrapped up in the events of the previous night.
When Naomi opened the door, dressed only in a sheet, I laughed at the irony of the situation.
When Naomi finally came out about her and Emily, I didn't judge her.
When Naomi skipped school to be with Emily, I worried. For only a second.
.
Since Naomi left after stumbling upon Katie and I, my mind hasn't settled. I run my hands through Katie's hair.
"Sometimes I don't even know what i'm doing. Sometimes I don't even know what's real anymore." Katie tells me. Tracing her finger along the lines on my stomach, some of the scars. She doesn't question them. I like that.
"Sometimes I think I should never have been born." I say the words so casually, causing Katie to lift her head up and look at me in disbelief. I've grown used to the idea.
"Everything I touch is destroyed. The people I care about are all fucked. So, sometimes I wonder, you know?" I say. I've never told anybody this. Ever. Yet, I feel comfortable telling Katie. And it fucking scares me that I do.
Katie places her hand under my chin, locking our eyes together. "You won't destroy me." She whispers against my lips.
"Because you're Katie Fucking Fitch." I smile against hers.
This is the first time I've ever felt like maybe, just maybe, there's a reason why I'm here.
.
Smiles nervously, waits for any thoughts...;)