Disclaimer: They're not mine. But I can dream.
Okay, we're wrapping up on this story, but never fear, I have another one ready. I just need to ask my new beta (very nicely) if she wants to stick with me for the next one. One of my reviewers asked me about the low readership on this story, truth is I don't really know. I'm doing my best I promise lol. Maybe it's because I don't list this story on any other site? Could be part of it. I know a lot of authors do, it's just that I'm kinda technologically challenged. I can't even set up my phone. Still, it makes me more grateful to the people who do read it. You guys are the best. And what taste you have!
Thank you to my wonderful beta traceybuie who is making me sound much smarter than I am.
XXX
RenesmeePOV
"Ren, please, you've been like this for two days and I can't stand it anymore. Please just tell me what I did?" Cadie had finally cornered me on Sunday once we were out of reach of other ears; out in the woods looking for something for dinner.
Cadie sounded so upset, her voice was cracking and I thought she might be close to tears. The guilt surged through me. I was behaving terribly to my best friend. She had asked about my date with Jake on Friday morning, but I had brushed it off; giving no details about anything. We had spent the lunch hour together on Friday as always, but I knew I had been terse and uncommunicative. I had spent Saturday with Jake and when I returned home still unwilling to talk, the concern in Cadie's eyes had tripled.
The thing was, I couldn't tell her why I was behaving this way. I was too embarrassed by my own selfishness. So, she had been unavailable when I needed her, it wasn't her fault. Did I expect her to be at my beck and call twenty four hours a day? Well, if I was honest, yes. But only because it had never been any other way and I had never imagined it changing.
Cadie had always been with ME. She was always on my side and now, was I going to behave like a child because she had made other plans on one occasion? I made other plans sometimes with Jake after all, why should I resent her doing the same? But I did resent it. I had never thought of myself as selfish, but I couldn't shake off this strange feeling inside that was hurt and angry and...jealous?
The realization hit me hard. Was this jealousy I was feeling? Yes, yes it was. Cadie was my friend, mine and I didn't want to have to share her with an emotionally crippled and (I supposed) needy vampire. WE talked about things. WE confided in each other. I didn't want to share. So was this jealousy? Well, I definitely couldn't tell her that.
It had only taken me a second to reach this conclusion and Cadie was still staring at me waiting for an answer. An answer I knew now I couldn't give her. I couldn't possibly tell her that I had been in the midst of a two-day silent tantrum while I came to the realization that I didn't want to share her with anybody. That would sound a little strange even to her. I decided to lie.
I sighed heavily, "I've just had a lot on my mind. I didn't mean to take it out on you." That was definitely a lie.
"Okay, well if something's bothering you can't we do something about it? Let me help. Please?"
I had been punishing her with my silence and it had to stop now. I could only think of one thing to tell her which might be able to justify my behavior, "The other night when I was at dinner with Jake, he asked me to move to Forks with him... to live, for a few years."
The look on her beautiful face was horrified though she turned the expression into surprise as quickly as she could, "Oh, wow. Ren that's...wow." As I hoped, the shock of the news deflected her; she was more concerned about the news than my behavior.
I laughed at the expression on her face, she was trying to looking sympathetic and supportive and not shocked as hell, "Believe me I know. It...well it was a surprise."
Cadie was biting her lip as she watched me, "Well, do you know what you're going to do?"
I sank into a cross legged position on the ground and she joined me instantly, "I told Jake I'd think about it, but I...well I don't think I can go. I just don't feel ready to do something like that." That was nothing but the truth and I was equally glad I'd been able to distract my friend and talk about the confusion which I had been trying to hide. I didn't think dad was on to me yet and though they all knew something was up, they hadn't pushed me into sharing.
Cadie reached out and grabbed my wrist and I saw inside her head. She was glad I was talking to her and she was glad I wasn't going to leave them. She couldn't imagine our home without me in it. What would she do? She thought that she was selfish for not wanting me to go and she was sorry. She would support me if I wanted to go, but she really didn't want me to leave.
I could sympathize with her sudden feelings of selfishness and I leaned forward to hug her. She was taller than me now, but not by much. Her arms held me tightly and they were gentle and familiar. I realized how ridiculous I was being. The only way I would lose my friend to someone else was if I pushed her away first. I wasn't going to do that.
"Oh, by the way, he also came out and told me he loved me for the first time."
Cadie pulled back from the hug and the surprised expression was back, "Wow, moment to digest that please."
She was smiling, "I know, that guy really knows how to throw a girl."
Suddenly we were both giggling, and I felt better. Though I had to force the smile to reach my eyes.
XXX
JPOV
I ran through the trees shedding my clothes. I was eager to be in my wolf form to talk to my pack. MY pack. They might be that again soon in a real way, after all, my Nessie hadn't said 'no'. If she was dead set against it I was sure I would have been able to tell. I would have known.
She was surprised no doubt, I had expected that much. It was a lot of information to get very quickly, and even though I felt guilty for the way I had done it, it had to be said sooner or later. I had been desperate to vocalize my feelings since we'd started dating and I had only held off for fear of freaking her out. Maybe I should have tried to lessen the shock by telling her everything more slowly, but that just seemed like doling out the news for dramatic effect.
I took a deep breath and leapt over a fallen tree feeling the fur spring out all over my skin. It felt good. They were suddenly all in my head yelling in welcome. Seth, Quil, Embry, Leah, I had missed them all; being like this with them. They were happy I had made a commitment to shift with them, even if I was so far away. I didn't know why it hadn't occurred to me before, but I had just phased whenever and spoke to whoever was there. We should have done this from the beginning.
My recent time with Nessie was the current show in my head, and they were all reeling from it. I had made an effort not to discuss my plans with the others until I had spoken to Nessie, it seemed a better way. My pack was not holding my secretiveness against me. They were so pleased I was considering going home. Their excitement bubbled until I was feeling it myself, and I was surprisingly touched by how much they were hoping for my return.
They hadn't really felt like a complete pack since I'd been gone, which made perfect sense. They had been missing their Alpha. I was selfish. They were all listening to my thoughts, of course, and they tried to convince me it wasn't so, but I knew it was. Seth was bubbling over, "Wow man, do you think the chances are good?"
I thought over Ren's reaction to my news, "I think they're pretty good. She just needs some time." She didn't say no. That was my favorite part of our conversation. I had been so afraid that she would just freak out and run but she hadn't.
The others were excited with me and for me, and for a few moments I just reveled in it. Until I realized that Leah's thoughts were locked down, her mind was carefully blank. It was the mental equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and chanting 'la la la la la la la la la la la' when someone was trying to make you answer a question you didn't want to. "Leah? Is there a problem?"
There was no timbre of alpha in my thoughts and I know that she noticed, but she could also tell that I wanted an answer, there was a mental sigh before she haltingly thought, "Jake, don't you think this all seems a little...unlikely?"
"Unlikely? What do you mean 'unlikely'?" The rest of the pack were all thinking the same thing, in various volumes and levels of irritation. They didn't want to hear about the other alternative, about the possibility that I might not be coming home after all. I certainly didn't want to hear it. I was enjoying the excitement. I could already see how everything would be and I wanted it. I wanted to introduce my Nessie to everyone and show her the beach at La Push. I wanted to take her into the woods so we could just run. We could...
"But Jake that's just it. You're getting everyone's hopes up. And...well she didn't say yes did she? If she really wanted to move here with you she would have said yes."
"She didn't say no!" Leah just didn't get it, she never really had. She didn't know what it was like to imprint. I tried to squash that mean thought before she saw it, but I was too late. The fact that she didn't get upset just made me feel worse.
"I know that Jake I do. But...well there are other problems. Do you think Edward and Bella are just going to let their daughter run off with you to Forks?" I had thought about that of course, I knew that Renesmee leaving would break their hearts, but well, all children moved on with their lives at some point and it was a pain that all parents experienced. I had waited very patiently (ish) for a long time and had done whatever they had asked of me. I thought it was only fair that I got to ask for something now. They wanted her to be happy just like I did. That mutual desire had helped us all get over a lot of our past hurts, and I hoped it would help them see sense now.
"Things are different now Leah, things are better. We all...well we get along. I'm pretty much as close to Bella as ever and the rest...let's just say I didn't expect there to be so little friction." That was also true, so I started showing Leah the time I had played video games with Emmett and the suit Alice had chosen for me to wear to the dance with my Nessie.
She cut me off, but not meanly. "I'm sure that's true Jake and I'm happy for you, but I still don't think their gonna just let you take her."
"It's not their decision. It's Nessie's. If it's what she really wants they wont stop her." I was on the point of saying that I wouldn't let them stop her, but I knew that was just my temper talking. I didn't want to go anywhere near that route again. I was done fighting with the Cullen's, it never led anywhere good and it could only confuse Nessie.
"Jake, Edward is old-fashioned. OLD-fashioned. Like, 'the age of chivalry'. I just don't think he'll let it happen."
"I've just said, it's not their decision! And anyway, how would they stop her if she really wanted to go?" I was mentally yelling now. Leah was still annoyingly calm. They couldn't stop her, that was the simple truth.
"I'll tell you how, he'll simply ask. From everything you've told me about Renesmee Cullen, and you have told me more than a lot, there is no way she will go against her parents wishes on something that means so much to them. I mean, come on...did Edward even touch Bella inappropriately until she was his wife? And you're expecting their blessing on just running off with her?"
The simple rationality of what Leah was saying penetrated my angry haze. She was right, of course she was. I wasn't doing anything noble, I was selfishly asking Nessie to follow me across the country away from her family and offering...what? Nothing. I was telling her that I loved her and wanted her...but would she mind giving up everything for me? For nothing?
"Jake, no. That's not what I was trying to say. I just think you need to think about what you're asking." Leah's thoughts were suddenly agitated, despite how calm she had stayed. On the other hand, I had been getting steadily more furious.
"You're right, I haven't been thinking. Not about what she would need anyway." But now... If a sign of my commitment would make Nessie happy, she could have one. She could have as many as she wanted. I would have it written in skywriting and painted on the street, anything to show her how much she meant to me.
Seth's thoughts were the first to stutter into coherency and even that took a while. "Wow, again man. I think...well I think it's awesome."
He really did think it was awesome, so did everyone else. But not as much as I did. This might be the answer, a way to get everything I wanted and keep it forever. The revelry in my head was only dulled by one thing, my beta. Leah's mind had shut down again and I wondered if she was just angry. If this worked out between Nessie and I, then maybe she would feel even more alone...
"Don't you fucking dare Jacob Black. Don't you even fucking think it! In all the years we've been inside each other's head you have never thought anything so ridiculous...or condescending. I have been alone for a very long time. I was just trying to make you see reason, I was trying to help, but apparently I'm wasting my time." I thought she was done, but suddenly the anger faded and I felt how truly hurt she was. "I have been a good friend to you Jake and a good beta. I thought I'd earned the right to talk to you honestly."
She meant it, you couldn't really lie in you thoughts and I tried to reach out to her with a genuine apology but her mind vanished as she phased back. I felt horribly guilty. I was tempted to wallow in it but the others wouldn't let me. Seth was more used to Leah than the rest of us could fathom, and he rallied first. "She doesn't mean to be a downer Jake. She just worries; about you, about me, about us and about everything really. She doesn't want to hope you're going to come back. When you left to be with Nessie she hoped you'd come back for a long time. She doesn't want to hope again, and have it not come true."
And there went another bucket full of guilt. "I am sorry you guys. I'm trying to fix everything I swear I am." I really was, I wanted to try and make things work for everyone.
The others were sympathetic, especially Quil. "Jake, I think it's gonna work out just fine. Just you wait and see."
My thoughts were timid, but I had to pose the question. "Do you think Leah's right? Am I crazy to...Am I crazy to even think about...proposing?" There I said it. Or well, I thought it.
They all considered but the overall feeling seemed to be positive. Embry came through clearly for the first time. "There is always a chance that this might be too much for her. But she handled everything else okay didn't she? This might actually help. As you said, it's a show of commitment. If she feels more secure she might be happier about being with you."
"Edward and Bella and well, all of them will probably be happier." I considered this. Yeah, that was true and it wasn't unfair for them to feel that way. If I was asking for their daughter it was only fair for me to show how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. I suddenly wondered if Edward already knew about what I'd asked Nessie? I felt stupid for not thinking about that before. He probably did, and if he did then the others would all know too. Their 'share' attitude was nauseating.
If there was no chance of it being allowed by the family surely I would already know? Even if none of the others would give me a heads up, I was sure Bella would have. Something this big? She would not have been able to resist. Maybe that meant that they knew and were okay with it? But then why hadn't Bella told me that much? Maybe they were just leaving the decision to Nessie and not getting involved. That would track. If I was being fair, they did try to let Nessie make her own decisions.
I tried not to get sucked in, but I suddenly saw my wedding to Nessie. She would be beautiful, she always was. I knew that Alice would probably take the helm, and as a result it would probably be the most beautiful wedding ever. If there was someone Alice loved competing with it was herself, and she hadn't planned a wedding since Bella's to Edward. Through the filter of time I could appreciate how beautiful that wedding had actually been.
"Earth to Jake"
Seth's voice broke into my thoughts. "Sorry I was miles away."
"Yeah we know. There was laughing in my head. You were in wedding land with Nessie."
My heart swelled at the thought.
XXX
EPOV
There was something wrong with my daughter. Jasper could feel it and wasn't shy about sharing with me, but I couldn't read it in her thoughts. Over a few days I realized that she was deliberately hiding it from me...and so was Cadence.
I suddenly found myself in an entirely unfamiliar position. There had never been secrets in the family before and I wasn't sure how to handle it. Jasper had told me about the tension he had been feeling from Nessie, and how occasionally there would be a little fear. Nothing to worry about, more like she was nervous and anxious. I couldn't be sure what it was about specifically, but I knew it had begun the night Jake had come back from Forks and taken Renesmee out for dinner.
Bella had told me that Renesmee had come back...different. She hadn't wanted to talk about it and Bella had let it slide, not wanting to interfere. But now I wished she had pushed for answers. Our daughter had been more than different. She had been cold, especially to Cadence, which I had never seen before. While I couldn't divine the reason from Renesmee's thoughts, the young blond had not been so guarded.
She was confused. She didn't know what was wrong and what she had done to deserve this. Why was her best friend refusing to talk to her? It made her heart hurt, and a worse idea to consider was that maybe she really had done something and Ren wouldn't forgive her. Though she had no idea what that 'something' might be.
This went on for two days. I was almost to the point where I was going to make my daughter talk to me, because I couldn't sit back and watch her be cruel to someone who loved her so much. It was not the way we had raised her, but the two had gone out hunting and returned different. Renesmee had confided in Cadence. I was both appeased and more concerned.
Whatever the issue was, it was clearly not so bad that Cadence had run to one of us and confessed. I was sure that if the secret had been something terrible or dangerous we would have been informed. Renesmee and Cadence could be reckless. as they were young, but I knew that they would both protect each other. If Renesmee was in real trouble Cadence would have enlisted help. But it confused me further as well. The only thing that had made sense was that there was an issue with Jacob. The timing seemed perfect, but then why would Cadence have been so ostracized for days?
I honestly didn't know what to do about the whole situation and neither did the others. Bella was getting concerned, and was leaning towards us confronting our daughter. I wanted to do the same thing, but we didn't know if that was the right thing to do. Being a parent was not as easy as humans on TV made it out to be.
If Renesmee and Cadence wanted to have their secrets who were we to say that they couldn't? Plenty of teenagers had their own types of secrets. Some smoked, some drank, some stayed out all night. Maybe we shouldn't be trying to squash this out of them, it seemed harmless.
That was true until I remembered that slight feeling of fear Jasper had picked up on. If this secret was causing her anxiety how could it be good? And round and round we went. Now that Cadence was behaving the same way, we were all concerned.
XXX
It was a week before the school dance which had Alice running around the house 'like a stabbed rat' to use Emmett's delicate phrasing. We decided to use a different tactic, and one not all of the others approved of. Only a lack of options compelled everyone to go along with it. We didn't want them to feel like we were intruding, and we didn't want to back either of them into a corner. This seemed like the best alternative.
Jasper and I sat in the living room waiting for Renesmee to return home from a date with Jake. Without the others there was less background noise and Jasper wouldn't have to wade through other's emotions to get to Renesmee's. I felt like we were setting a trap for her, lying in wait to force her to share with us.
"Don't Edward. This can't go on and you know it."
That was true, Bella and Rosalie were the worst and were not getting better. To them it was very simple. There was something wrong with their children, and they wanted it put right now. No delays. There was a problem and they wanted it fixed. This was the best way to find out as much as possible. I nodded at Jasper as we heard Renesmee approaching the house.
Feeling horribly like a spy, I listened. She was thinking about the homework she had waiting, she was thinking that she might like to take a bath. She was wondering if we had ice cream in the freezer, and if so what flavor it might be.
She knew I was here, and she wasn't risking me getting into her head. I wondered if she knew I was going to be looking or if she was just making sure she didn't give anything away. I suspected the latter.
"Her nerves are stretched. She's had an...awkward night. But she's not scared...more relieved."
Okay! I wanted to scream, but why? Why, for god's sake why? I heard the click of the door as she pushed it open and came into the living room. She was momentarily surprised to see the house so empty, she could hear that there was no one else, "Hey Dad, Jazz."
I turned to face her from my perch on the bench in front of the piano, "Hello love. Did you have a nice time."
I'll start on that essay first I think, Mr Cropley is going to be pleased if I can get it in early, she thought
"It was fine thanks. Dinner was good and the movie was hilarious. Jake laughed so hard that coke came out of his nose." She was giggling but it didn't look entirely genuine.
Jazz was smiling at her from the sofa, "You sure are easily pleased on a date aren't you."
Renesmee went over and sat down next to Jasper, patting him on the shoulder, "Well, I'm sure when you take Alice out on a date there are horse drawn carriages involved. Anyone else would seem low maintenance."
Jasper put on his best 'scary face' and glared, "Not unless my wife is in the mood for horse," he said baring his fangs but unable to hide the small smile as he teased her.
Renesmee leaned forward as though she's spotted something on Jasper's face and then reached out and like lightening mussed his blonde hair up, "Sorry Uncle Jazz. You're never gonna be scary to me."
Her thoughts were suddenly on a vivid memory of London, she had only been small then and she and Jasper had played in a pool. He'd pretended he couldn't catch her, even when he had her small wriggling body in his hands. He just treated her like a bar of soap. Yeah, Jasper had lost all ability to be frightening right then.
Renesmee smiled over at me, "So, why are you guys in? Where is everyone?"
She did seem to be relaxed. Maybe it had been a problem with Jacob, and they had talked it over and fixed it. I hoped so, if that was the case, she would tell Cadence and everything would go back to normal. Maybe she had just wanted a little privacy. I could understand that, "Well, everyone's hunting sweetheart."
She wriggled more comfortably into the sofa, "And you guys weren't hungry?" Her gaze landed on Jasper and she grinned mischievously, "That's gotta be a first for you."
Jasper reached out and tugged one of her curls gently, "Well, there's a first time for everything."
"Besides, they didn't go out all together, once Benjamin and Cadence had gone out, the others just followed in pairs." It was true, though I didn't mention that Rosalie and Emmett had gone to follow Cadence from a distance, just to be sure. Carlisle and Esme had been ready to eat, but Bella and Alice had gone only to leave the house quiet.
My thoughts were interrupted by someone else's, Renesmee's. They were almost incoherent and...angry. Jasper had gasped, and was staring at her. His thoughts joined hers and they were clearer. "Edward she's...she's jealous."
Yes, I was picking up on that too. She was jealous...of Benjamin. She didn't like what I said about him having gone hunting with Cadence. It...hurt her feelings, "Renesmee, sweetheart?"
The question was asked in my softest tone. Her eyes flew to mine and they were horrified. She was embarrassed. Then her face calmed and she shut her mind closed, "I don't want to talk about it."
"But..."
"I said, I don't want to talk about it. Please dad?" She looked at me for a second and I nodded. Then she got up without another word and went to her room.
XXX
A/N-Sorry for the cliffhanger but it's only a mini one.
LunaBella11-It's not that I don't like them. I've been to-ing and fro-ing on it. But thank you for the compliment. I'm trying to be fair to everyone, but right them honestly and in character is harder than I thought.
Spannieren-Thank you, my lovely.
Improvgirl01-You're so sweet, as I said at the top, it makes you beautiful readers and reviewers especially special. Maybe I just don't have many reviewers : (.
Traceybuie-That's because you're my ideal pervy reader.