"Should I be worried that your mother invited mine over for dinner?" Sara asked Gil as she watched him confidently guide his car down the crowded strip towards her apartment with one hand.
"Maybe they're plotting ways to get us together." He teased giving the hand he held a reassuring squeeze. "Won't they be surprised that we beat them to it?"
His grin when he turned to face her was contagious and Sara's smile grew to match it. Resting her head on the seat she studied his profile against the passing Vegas lights; he seemed the same, but different. At the stop light he smiled at her again and it exactly like the way he used to smile at her, back when she first came to Vegas. It was as if the intervening years and the barriers erected on both sides had evaporated. The silence between them was peaceful and Sara closed her eyes, relieved she didn't feel an urge to over-talk.
As he pulled into the parking space, he glanced at Sara she'd been quiet for most of the drive and her eyes were closed; he half-hoped she'd fallen asleep because she needed the rest. Stroking the soft skin of her hand with his thumb, he marveled at how effortless and natural it was to love and protect Sara and Amy.
For so long he'd watched Sara convinced they were better off keeping their relationship completely professional. He realized how wrong he'd been when he talked to Luhrie. All those years without her he'd been lost, but now with Sara he found his true self again.
Sara sighed as she opened her eyes. "Maybe Warrick had the right idea, showing up fait accompli."
"It will be fine. Trust me."
She thought she should be more anxious about the future, but Gil's resolve and determination were banishing her fears. Gil hadn't let go of her hand since getting into the car, he hadn't retreated. Tears filled her eyes as she remembered the beautiful wedding he'd planned for them and for the first time in years it didn't feel like it was just her against the world.
"Will you be my Father?" Amy asked her eyebrows furling as she finger spelled the word instead of making the sign. Her initial excitement about the wedding had been squashed by terror.
Counseling had been helping, but Amy's reaction was a shock and Sara realized that it might never completely undo the damage inflicted by her biological father. She wanted to reassure her daughter, but didn't know what to say; she turned to Gil uncertain how to make things right this time surprised to see his hands were already moving fluidly. The signs he was making flashed too quickly for Sara to follow, so instead she paid attention to Amy's expression. She didn't know what he or his mother said, but whatever it was, it worked.
Amy seemed to bounce with renewed enthusiasm as she hugged Sara tightly only to pull away to start eagerly asking question after question; the next one started before the last one had even been answered. She asked about the wedding, if Gil would live with them, if Mama G was her Grandma now and could she get a dog.
Sara was saved trying to come up with answers for the rapid fire interrogation when the nearby anniversary clock rang out the hour. Sara hated putting a damper on the mood, but her little girl was up very late. "Come on, it's time for bed. Tomorrow's going to be a very busy day." She held her out to take Amy to her room before anyform of protest could be made.
Gil waited until Sara and his mother had taken Amy out of the room before looking at Laura again. His fiancée's whole focus had been on her daughter when they made the announcement so she missed the look on her mother's face. Laura had quickly masked it with a smile and congratulations so that someone less familiar with Sara's facial expressions would have dismissed it. But he knew that look; he'd seen it too many times when he'd done or said something thoughtless that had hurt Sara.
"I need a cigarette."
He followed her out onto the front porch without question, watching as she leaned against the wall in a posture recognizable on prison yards across the country. Under her assessing stare Grissom unconsciously stood straighter and wondered what his future mother-in-law was thinking. She lit the cigarette, the end flaring brightly in the darkness as Laura breathed in deeply; she exhaled a cloud of smoke as she began speaking.
"It's funny Sara's spent most of her life trying not to be like me, only to wind up here; repeating my biggest mistake. My parents wanted to send me to one of those homes and give my baby up. I never told Sara that I only married her father so we could keep her brother. We were oil and water; whatever we shared in the beginning had died, but we stayed together for the kids. By the time we lost him; we made each other's life a living hell because we blamed each other for everything that had gone wrong. God, the fights were ugly and Sara was caught in the middle. What happens to her, if you lose Amy?"
"I've hired the best lawyer in Vegas and I'm doing everything I can to ensure that it doesn't happen. I love Sara and Amy. Their happiness is the most important thing and I will do whatever it takes to keep them safe and happy."
Something in his tone must have reassured her, because she smiled and stubbed out the cigarette. "I should be going, tell Sara I'll call in the morning." He opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by her raised hand. "My baby has endured more heartache and betrayal than most people do in a lifetime. All I ask is that you do what her father and I couldn't; love her, be patient with her, and please don't hurt her further."
"You okay?" Sara asked, rubbing his arm gently as she sat down on the steps beside him. He'd been outside for quite a while before she realized that he and her mom had both disappeared. He nodded, but didn't look up from his clasped hands. "Your Mom told me to bring you this, said it would help."
Taking the warm mug, his smile was a fleeting as the spicy aroma of Mexican hot chocolate reminded him of better times. "I'm not sure Mom's special hot chocolate can fix this."
In his mind he kept replaying the moment Amy realized that by marrying Sara he'd become her father. The little girl's blue eyes had grown wide and all the color drained from her face. She'd pulled away, kind of curling in on herself physically and emotionally, as if preparing for the pain he'd inflict. What he saw in her eyes haunted him, because he'd that same look too many times over the years.
"She was afraid of me."
"She wasn't. Not really. Gil, you worked that case, you saw the house she came from, read Doc Robbins' reports detailing the years of abuse. Amy needs time to realize that not all parents hurt their kids. To know that YOU would never hurt us."
"But I have hurt you. I never realized exactly how much until tonight."
Leaning into him Sara sighed, unsure how to explain her feelings about their history. "My counselor, Carly has this quote on her wall 'Holding on to a hurt creates more hurt.' She used to make me repeat it every session until I realized that a lot of the hurt in our relationship happened because of fear, expectations, misunderstandings and us not communicating. Gil I hurt myself more than you ever did, we have to let go of the hurt and talk."
Gil nodded touched by Sara's words. "Mother Teresa said, 'I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.' But she has another quote that always makes me think of you." Looking into her dark eyes, he cupped her cheek so he could trace her smile with his thumb. "Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."
Closing her eyes she tried to capture the moment, to store it away with the other times his actions or words made her feel beautiful. Moments that she used to revisit too frequently; which had lead to those hurtful misunderstandings. His lips brushed against hers in a soft kiss, that she encouraged him to deepen a wonderful reminder of what she'd gained by leaving the past behind.