Kyla

"Hey there blue eyed boy" She runs her fingers through the grass. Tries to provide comfort to him even though he can't feel it. She tries to remember what it felt like when he would lace his fingers with hers. He was always so effortless in the way he loved her. It always felt like everything he did came as easy as breathing to him.

She takes a deep breath and for a moment she can practically hear his response.

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine."

She smiles because the one thing she's always loved about him was how he loved Casablanca just as much as she does. She loved being the main character of his movies. She loved being the main character of his life.

She loved (loves) him.

"I miss you." She plucks some of the grass on his grave. "I've been taking care of Aiden and between everything that happened I haven't gotten a chance to sit down and truly think about you. I haven't had time to process that you are actually gone. I've always taken you for granted. I've always believed that no matter what… you would wait for me." She shrugs her shoulders. "Silly right? To think that you can hurt someone the way I hurt you and believe that they wouldn't leave. But Glen…" She adjusts herself so that she can reach over and trace the letters of his name. "I never thought you would leave like this." A single tear drops down the side of her face and she forces herself to make sure that it's the only one she sheds. "Didn't you know that I still loved you? I was scared and I overreacted and you… you just hated me so much. But we were so young… too young to raise a kid. A kid that I forced into our lives by not waiting like I always said I would." It gets harder to keep her composure. "I love you, you stupid stupid boy. What am I supposed to do without you? You are the only boy I've ever loved."

"Kyla… it's time to go Sweetie." She turns to see her parents waiting behind her.

"Goodbye Glen." She kisses her fingers and presses it to his name.

The ride back to her house is silent and when Aiden leaves without a word, she doesn't go after him.

She hates herself a little for it.

/

She spends the rest of her day watching TV with her parents.

She sits in between her mom and dad and leans on her mother's shoulders. She knows her parents are happy that she doesn't see Glen anymore, but it leaves her feeling empty. In their defense, they don't say anything. They don't ask about him and she wonders if his death affected them. They always loved having him and Spencer over for dinner. She's broken out of her thoughts when her father flips to a movie.

She tears up the moment she sees Rick.

"Raife," her mother scolds. Kyla knows that her mother knows what this movie meant to her and Glen.

Her dad fumbles for the remote and turns off the television as a solution. There is an awkward silence that follows and she almost gets up to leave.

"He was a good boy." Her dad is the one that speaks. "When I think of… Glen," he struggles over the name. "I choose not to remember those last couple of weeks because I know that's not who he was." He places his hand on her leg and makes sure to keep eye contact. "He was a good boy and a great brother. Most of all… he was the best son I could have ever asked for." It's the first time she's ever heard her father speak of Glen that way. There are tears in his eyes, but he blinks them away. "I don't want you to think we don't care about Glen dying."

"It hurt as if he was our own… because in our heads he was our son," her mother adds.

"Yeah." He takes a deep breath. "I know that any boy you bring home will never be half as good as him… I'm sorry," he jokes. "If I broke down every time I thought about how his life ended too soon… I wouldn't get through the day. It's okay to miss him Sweetie… It's okay to be mad at him and it's okay to still love him. But you have to accept that he is gone. All of you do." She knows who he's referring too without asking. Glen wasn't the only Carlin that they lost that day. "You have to move on… I'm not saying you have to forget… You should never forget him because that boy loved you something fierce… You just have to continue living because you know that's what he would have wanted for you." He gives her his sternest look. "Do you understand?"

She nods even though she hasn't decided to do any of that.

He turns on the television and they settle on watching an Old Western.

She doesn't mention that it's one of Glen's favorite movies.

/

Ashley comes home at some point.

She walks into the door and walks back to the door. This continues for five minutes before she takes off running to the room. They can hear the door slam from downstairs.

"I miss Spencer," her mother says randomly. She looks to see her father nodding her head and realizes that she misses Spencer too.

She waits until a commercial to go check on Ashley. When she opens her door she sees her older sister looking out of her window.

"Just go talk to her."

Ashley whips her head around and basically gives her the death stare. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't keep giving her everything when she doesn't love me."

There is a silence because never in Spencer and Ashley's entire relationship (or whatever you call it) has Ashley said that.

"Since when do you believe that?" She walks over to sit on Ashley's bed and Ashley finally removes herself from the window. "You're the same girl who walked up to her and said…"

"I know… I was there." Ashley runs her fingers through the kinks in her hair. "I just… she hasn't said it and I can't help, but feel like she blames me for Glen. Blames me for being there for you when she…" Ashley stops talking, but she already knows what's unspoken.

"She blames me." She nods her head. "It's okay because I blame me too. It's not something you have to protect me from."

"But it's not your fault."

"But parts of it is. I know I left him when he needed me most. I know that he was drinking and miserable and I couldn't get past my hurt to see his." Ashley looks towards the window and she knows that she doesn't have her sister's full attention. "I'm heading to bed."

This breaks Ashley out of her stupor.

"You don't have to. I'm sorry. I'm listening."

She nods her head and waves her sister off before mumbling about being tired.

/

She hears the knock at midnight.

Since she went to bed early, she woke up to watch TV downstairs. The knock is so light that she almost doesn't hear it. She walks to the door and opens only to be shocked.

It's Spencer.

Spencer looks just as surprised to see her. Kyla can tell that she's about to leave when she decides to break the ice.

"I have every right to miss Glen too." It's the first words they've shared and Spencer looks like she's ready to kill her. "He was my first love and I get that he was your brother, but he was my boyfriend… and that's it. You can go see Ashley." She moves to the side to let Spencer in.

The blonde walks in, but stops a couple of steps later.

"He said… it was just bad timing." Spencer's words confuse her before she registers where they are from. "I don't know if it means anything to you. But he told me to tell you that." Spencer heads towards the stairs before stopping again. "He also said it's not your fault." Spencer turns back to give Kyla the gentlest look she's ever received from the blonde. "And he was never wrong… so it's not your fault."

It's the closest she will ever get to an apology.

"Thank you," she whispers.

Spencer nods her head and continues to Ashley's room.

And for the first time… Kyla can rest.