The Key to a Successful Interview

by The Sage of Toads

This is Ranma 1/2 shaken, stirred, and smashed with a baseball bat. Written with emphasis on accuracy, which was then completely disregarded for the sake of comedy, if you're reading this with fanonical misconceptions, prepare to be disappointed.

26. Gluttony 2

Picolet: The following is a fan-written parody. Ranma ½ is property of Rumiko Takahashi, Studio Deen, Shogakukan, Viz Media, and Madman Entertainment. Please support the official release.

The Key to a Successful Interview is a Good First Impression!
Gluttony 2

And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite. –Proverbs 23:2

[26.]

The door to Dr. Tofu's clinic opened, as the good Doctor was finishing the last of the day's paperwork. Dr. Tofu looked towards the direction of the sound, and saw only the door swing closed. He looked down at his paperwork again, and resumed carefully scrawling his pen through the fields.

He stopped again, however, when he heard something else in the office, and then organized his papers before setting them in a drawer, which he closed. When he finished and looked up, Tama-chan was falling upon him his hand drawn back to deliver a palm-strike for his face.

Dr. Tofu parried the strike with ease and tossed Tama-chan over his head. In midair, Tama-chan twisted his body and kicked off the wall to deliver another strike, but only succeeded in smashing his desk in half. When Tama-chan looked up, Dr. Tofu was standing in front of the ruined desk with his back to him.

"Yasukichi-kun, shouldn't you be gone?" he asked, though he was not surprised by the boy's violent attack. He seemed weary from it.

Tama-chan, Yasukichi rather, stood up and glared at Dr. Tofu. No matter how hard he tried or trained, there was just no way to touch this man. In his frustration, he snapped at him.

"I came to make one last attempt on your life, pervert!"

And that attempt failed, though Dr. Tofu was wary. There was no telling what Yasukichi could pull at this stage.

"Don't make this difficult, just leave my office."

Yasukichi growled at that. "Not until I'm certain Kasumi is safe from you!"

The boy attacked again, swiftly striking at Dr. Tofu with greater speed than he had against Kasumi. Speed developed from years of working on a chicken farm. Sparring with Kasumi, capturing fleeing chickens, catching falling eggs before they hit the floor, avoiding the wrath of angry roosters, and other feats had honed his speed to incredible levels.

But even then, against this man, who moved like a swaying tree in a gentle breeze to avoid his strikes, it seemed futile.

"Just hold still and die!" Yasukichi yelled as he performed a swift kick that Dr. Tofu walked away from.

Slamming his foot on the floor, the boy looked back to Dr. Tofu, and opened the door to the clinic. Dr. Tofu then looked back at him. "You should go now."

Yasukichi clenched his teeth, and then punched a locked file cabinet, the force of the blow punching a hole in it.

Dr. Tofu was stone-faced; as Yasukichi pulled his hand from the cabinet looked down at his cut up hand and clenched it into a fist. "Damn it… why can't I hit you?! You're a pervert; someone like you shouldn't be allowed to live!"

Those words stung, but Dr. Tofu made no show of it. Yasukichi walked towards the door, and then stopped in front of Tofu. "Stay away from Kasumi, and if I find out you've gone anywhere near her, I'll kill you."

"Leave, Yasukichi-kun," Dr. Tofu said.

Yasukichi considered trying to get a parting shot in, but knew it'd be useless. So he just walked out of the office, and headed up the street.

Seven years later, Dr. Tofu was at his desk, looking out the clinic's window at the near white-out going on outside and got up to adjust the thermostat. The weather was too bad to consider closing down tonight; nights like these were when emergencies were most likely to occur.

It was as he finished raising the temperature that an emergency called on his phone. Walking over to the desk, he answered it. "Dr. Tofu's office, can I help you?"

"Paralysis poison antidote… Tendo Dojo… NOW!" Akane all but screamed into his ear.

---

It took less than two minutes for Dr. Tofu to arrive at the Tendo Dojo and quickly administer first aid to the residents of the house. He was shocked at the state everyone was in, even Nabiki had been affected by the potent toxin, and she was usually one to avoid such things.

"What on Earth happened here?" Dr. Tofu asked Ranma as the young man got up and tested his range of motion.

"I'll tell you what happened, some French bastard came waltzing here, poisoned us, and kidnapped Kasumi, that's what!" Ranma growled back. Picolet Chardin II was dead, he was so freaking dead.

Dr. Tofu went wide-eyed. "He kidnapped Kasumi?!"

He pointed to Akane. "Isn't she usually the one everyone wants?"

"Apparently because Akane was spoken for, he decided not to go for her," Nabiki said.

She then looked to her Father, as did Akane and Ranma. "We are holding you personally responsible for this and we are going to deal with you after we get Kasumi back."

"And by we, she means me," Akane said as she cracked her knuckles for emphasis.

Genma, still very much a panda, decided that he was just going to sit this one out and be glad no one's blaming him for anything for once.

Soun was in tears. "How can you be so cruel?! My daughter was just stolen away by some French Fop, and you treat me like I'm the villain!"

Ranma and Akane both kicked him in the head. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SOLD HER FOR FOOD!"

Dr. Tofu then took Ranma by the arm. "Ranma-kun, do you know where this man took Kasumi? There's a chance we can catch up with him."

Letting out a panda sound, Genma handed Ranma the business card Picolet dropped before. Ranma quickly took it, and held it up. "He left a business card, in case I wanted to challenge him. This will lead us right to him."

"Then let's go get Shampoo and ruin his shit," Nabiki suggested.

Dr. Tofu, seeing that everyone was back to optimum health, nodded and looked at the card himself. "That might not even be necessary. I'll be going to get her back myself."

Everyone stared at Dr. Tofu, shocked.

Nabiki smirked. "Well, it's about time."

"Doctor Tofu, what are you saying?" Soun asked as he got back up.

Taking the umbrella he brought with him to get him through the snow outside, Tofu stepped onto the patio and opened it. "It's exactly what I said. Ranma, Akane, don't hesitate to come along… she's your sister, after all."

With that, he headed out into the storm. Ranma and Akane looked to each other, surprised, and nervous.

The former spoke. "Dr. Tofu is going to try to rescue Kasumi?"

Akane shook her head. "He's doomed. Once he sets eyes on her, he'll completely lose it."

Ranma tossed Akane her coat. "Let's get over to the Café."

---

The snow did little to stop Ranma, Akane, and Nabiki from heading up the street and around the corner to the Cat Café, which seemed to still be doing good business despite the intensity of the weather. When they entered, however, they found an unusual situation unfolding at one of the tables closest to the desk. Several people in suits were gathered across a table from Cologne, who was in the middle of signing papers.

"Oh man, now what's going on?" Ranma, turned into a girl by the melting snow, complained aloud.

Shampoo poured a kettle of water on him, as she hushed him. "Big deal going on, Grandma is making a big acquisition."

The mention of business piqued Nabiki's interest. "Oh? What is she acquiring?"

"The other day, she received a call from Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, offering to allow her to sell the brand out of the Cat Café," Shampoo explained, surprising Ranma.

"Ucchan's…?" He looked towards the table.

Sure enough, among the suits handing papers to Cologne was the eponymous owner of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, Ukyo Kuonji. "Ucchan!"

Wearing a suit not-unlike his lawyers, Ukyo looked up and removed the reading glasses he wore as he conducted business with Cologne. "Ran-chan?"

Nabiki blinked and stared at Ukyo, and right away her cheeks became a faint pink. "Wow, who's this guy, Ranma?"

"This is Ukyo, I lived with him for a while when I was really little. He was one of my best friends," Ranma replied.

Ukyo smiled. "You still hold me in such high regard."

He raised a bandage-swathed hand and Ranma wrapped his around it as though they were about to arm-wrestle, and then bumped shoulders together.

"Well yeah, why wouldn't I?!" Ranma said before he looked at Ukyo's hand, and noticed the bandages. "Whoa, what happened there?"

Looking at his hand, and then the other–also covered in bandages–Ukyo let out a small laugh and shrugged his shoulders. "The perils of cooking, I guess."

"Yeah, about that, 'Ucchan's Okonomiyaki?' When did you suddenly go national?" Ranma asked.

He looked at Ukyo's suit, and then his lawyers. "Expensive suit, Lawyers, and a franchise deal too?"

Ukyo laughed again. "I found a good investor, and the next thing I know, my Okonomiyaki is being sold from Hokkaido to Okinawa."

Nabiki's interest was piqued even further, and Akane could see the wolfish gleam in her eyes as she sized Ukyo up further. She snapped at her in a hushed voice. "Nabiki, focus!"

"Wow, you must be making a fortune," Ranma said in amazement.

"It's not all that big of one, but I'm doing what I love and that's what's important," Ukyo humbly admitted before he asked, "What about you, Ran-chan? Last I saw you; you were dealing with ninja and stuff, did that get all sorted out?"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "It's… complicated… but right now I've other stupid crap to deal with."

"Yes, and we have to finish looking over these contracts, young man," Cologne said to Ukyo.

Frustrated, Akane then cut in. "Granny, I really hate to interrupt this further, but we have a crisis." She glared at Ranma when she emphasized "crisis."

"Kasumi was kidnapped by some weird French guy who wants to marry her because my Dad promised his First-Born daughter back when he didn't have any."

Shampoo was impressed. "Wow that was quick."

Cologne had known about the incident thanks to Shampoo, and she was rather agitated by the loss of the food (though the reimbursement allayed it). "Yes, the so-called Fine Dining Martial Artist and his many, many maids. He actually took Kasumi from you?"

"He cheated and used some paralysis poison on us, then made off with her," Akane explained.

Ranma excused himself from Ukyo quietly, and spoke next. "Yeah boss, Dr. Tofu already went to go get her back, but he goes loopy around her so we need to be ready to beat him, at his own game if we gotta."

"So what do you know about Fine Dining Martial Arts?" Akane asked.

Cologne, wise and experienced Cologne, scratched her chin and closed her eyes as she recalled her one hundred plus years of experience in countless forms of combat. For a long moment, she recalled her encyclopedia-dwarfing reservoir of knowledge, and then replied.

"There's no such thing as Fine Dining Martial Arts."

Ranma expected some shocking revelation, so when Cologne gave her blunt answer, he stumbled over his own reply. "There's no such–wait, there isn't?"

"I've never heard of such a thing. Frankly it's preposterous that young man would consider himself a martial artist at all, given what I've been told."

Ukyo folded his arms and frowned as Ranma rested his hands on the table.

"He was pretty serious about him being a martial artist, and this mess all started because our Pops lost to Picolet's old man."

Nabiki chimed in. "He even called himself a Grand Master."

"So many would-be martial artists these days call themselves that, not knowing what the title implies. You would know a Grand Master when you saw one," Cologne replied.

Akane agreed. "Yeah, like Osmond-sensei."

"Or Great Grandma," Shampoo chimed in.

Cologne stood up on her chair. "As it is, I've never heard of Fine Dining Martial Arts, not once in my long life."

Ranma folded his arms over his chest. "Then what's all of this crap about then?"

"The La Belle France School of Martial Arts Fine Dining is nothing but crap, Ran-chan."

Everyone's eyes were on Ukyo, who explained further. "Not too long ago I offered to do business with the La Belle France Dojo and Restaurant, they would not unless I abided by their terms and defeated their Grand Master in a duel."

Ukyo looked at his hand for a moment then back to Ranma and the others. "I assumed that it'd be an actual duel, but it was a nothing but an eating contest."

Ranma blinked, Akane tilted her head to one side, Shampoo crossed her eyes as she processed this, and Nabiki voiced the words on everyone's mind as she put together everything.

"So wait, Martial Arts Fine Dining is just dressed up speed eating?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Ukyo said with a nod, "That's how the Chardin Family operates. They sucker unwitting people be it business associates or hungry martial artists looking for a meal, and defeat them with ease in a contest that they can't lose."

Ranma growled. "Why can't they lose though? I have the fastest freaking hands in this town, and I can barely keep Pop from snatching food from my plate."

"The speed Picolet eats, it almost looks as fast as Ranma," Shampoo added.

Ukyo nodded. "It may look fast, but the Chardin Family has a handicap. They're literal freaks of nature."

"That's not saying much, considering this town," Nabiki pointed out.

"Oh," Ukyo hummed and then replied, "So you've got experience with people who can swallow a human head whole and have room to spare."

Nabiki created the mental image for only a second, and recoiled in disgust. "Oh my God, he wants to marry Kasumi!?"

Ranma was less aghast, far more furious. "So the Megamouth Frog tried to play me for a chump from the start. Oh man… I think I might end up killing this guy."

"Not if I do it first!" Akane snarled.

She held onto the mental image for even longer, and she was ready to commence the Cromwell Invocation.

Shampoo looked to Nabiki. "Can I use my guns?"

Nabiki nodded. "Oh, go right ahead, but do you want to waste the bullets?"

"Part of me doesn't even want to waste the effort punching that trash," Ranma growled.

"Ne, Ran-chan," Ukyo chimed in, "Why bother with punching? If there is one thing I know it's food, and the French Cuisine the Chardins enjoy while savory, lacks any real kick to them spice-wise."

"Is that so? I guess with mouths that quick, they wouldn't be able to handle spicy… food…" Ranma trailed off as he and Akane slowly turned their heads to look at each other.

They then smiled in a way that seriously unnerved even Nabiki. When she looked to Shampoo, she became even more unnerved when she saw that Shampoo had the same wicked smile on her face.

"Uh, am I missing something?"

In the coldest part of the Cat Café's freezer, its lid lock in place, and chains, wards, and padlocks securing it, the pot of curry Akane made that day sat and waited…

… The pot, the steel shelf, and the wall behind it all free of the ice that covered the rest of the freezer.

---

The La Belle France Dojo and Restaurant was actually located not too far north of Tokyo, taking up quite a bit of land outside the Metropolitan Area's limits. Away from the insanity that plagued the world's unluckiest city (beating out New York some twenty years running barring 1998 thanks to a very large iguana… and later its child), the snow-covered mansion and its immaculate French architecture seemed incredibly out of place in Japan.

Indeed, if Picolet hadn't handed over his address to Ranma, Kasumi was sure that he and the rest of her family would've found it within minutes of leaving the house.

She was wondering when they'd actually get to her as she sat in the lounge of the Chardin family home. The furniture was very expensive and very French, as was the rug and the glittering chandelier above her head, but furnishing was a startling contrast to the curious wall decorations. There were heads of farm animals mounted as trophies in the same sense that big game were, and paintings of Frenchmen stuffing their mouths with foods ranging from many Hors d'oeuvres to a single roasted pig.

It was disgusting to look at, so Kasumi kept her eyes to Tama-chan, who stood guard over her. His master was not present, having gone off to fetch the person who would train her to be a proper wife.

"Tama-chan…"

She trailed off when he didn't appear to react. The blindfold made it impossible to know if he acknowledged her, and his face was tightly kept, expressing no emotion whatsoever. She looked at the floor and sighed, the mental sleeve preventing the majority of her negative feelings from weighing down on her.

Kasumi was optimistic that she'd be perfectly fine coming out of this, but she was worried more about her old friend. "What happened, how did you end up here?"

Tama-chan ignored her, remaining silent and poised as a butler should. Kasumi furrowed her brow. "I thought you were going to become a great chef, what happened to that? Why are you working for this awful boy?"

Again he did not reply, but Kasumi would not be denied an explanation. She recomposed herself, and proceeded to hit below the belt. "As the future wife of Picolet Chardin II, I order you to speak to me."

That worked, as Tama-chan turned his head towards her, his mouth slightly agape in disgust. He then tightened his jaw and looked away. "How I came to work for the Chardin Family is none of your concern."

"You are my friend, it is my concern. I am concerned about you. What happened?" She pressed.

Tama-chan shook his head. "I am paying off a debt, as a man and as a martial artist, I am obligated to this."

"That is correct, mademoiselle!" Picolet declared as he entered, joined by a maid carrying a tray of exquisitely made tiny cakes, "He is paying off a small expense owed to my family, and he is well on his way to earning his freedom from that debt."

One of the cakes vanished from the plate, and Picolet daintily dried his mouth. "Trés bon!"

The maid set the tray down before Kasumi on the low coffee table in front of her, and bowed to her before backing away. Again, Kasumi wondered how they could see with the things, before looking down at the tray. Picolet sat next to her and gestured to the tray. "Please, try one?"

Kasumi was impressed by the preparation and decoration of the tiny cakes and picked one up. "Tama-chan, you made these?"

Tama-chan nodded, though he seemed quite tense.

Returning her attention to the cake, Kasumi opened her mouth to eat it, but it was knocked from her hand and pinned to the thick wood of the table by a dessert fork.

"Non!"

Kasumi looked up and found an older French woman in a black dress and glasses, her brown hair done up to resemble a roasted turkey of all things.

The woman wagged two more of the surprisingly sharp forks at Kasumi in admonishment. "An elegant woman does not allow others to see her eating!"

The thought of hauling off on the bitch crossed her mind, and went plop right into her mental sieve.

Instead, she politely intoned. "And you would be, Miss…?"

Picolet was more than eager to introduce the huffy woman. "This is Madame St. Paul. She has seen to the training of many brides-who-might-be."

Oh dear, Kasumi wasn't sure if there was a more ominous phrasing that explained everything. The lightning that flashed in the window behind Madame St. Paul was a bit much, though.

Kasumi got up, and bowed. "I see, well it's been nice, but I have to go powder my nose-" And wait patiently for Ranma and Akane to arrive and kill everyone in the house.

Kasumi wondered how that one got past the sieve, but she did not mind it.

"Non, non, non, as a potential bride to the young master, you are obligated to undertake the training," Madame St. Paul said as she took Kasumi by the shoulders and sat her back down.

Kasumi got right back up. "Ah, but I really need to-"

She was set back down, much more firmly. Madame St. Paul's tone grew threatening. "You will remain seated and take part in the training. You will have time to 'powder your nose' when you are done."

"If you were to ask me, mademoiselle, your nose is perfect without powder," Picolet offered.

At least he pretended to be nice, Kasumi mused to herself. Tama-chan did an excellent job of hiding his contempt, but Kasumi noticed it fairly clearly before Madame St. Paul placed a dish with a cake upon her head. Immediately, Kasumi relaxed into her natural posture, keeping the dish perfectly balanced.

"And this is…?" Kasumi asked as she looked up at the edge of the dish hanging just inside the top of her field of vision.

"You will eat the cake," Madame St. Paul explained.

Kasumi was about to reach up and do just that, but she knew she wasn't supposed to be seen doing it. Just how was she supposed to pull that off?

She mulled over this, and then suddenly pointed out the window. "Is that Jean Reno in a fist fight with Jean-Claude Van Damme?!"

When Picolet and Madame St. Paul whirled to look, Kasumi snatched the cake off her head and popped it in her mouth. Both looked back, and saw the dish empty, Kasumi savoring the cake morsel, and Tama-chan smirking.

"You just missed them," the butler taunted.

"That was very good, Tama-chan! You really have gotten better!" Kasumi complimented.

Tama-chan nodded. "Of course, Miss."

Madame St. Paul was not amused, and she set another dish upon Kasumi's head. "Attempt it again, and no funny business, little girl."

"Ah, yes, of course." Kasumi then looked and screamed in horror as she pointed at the wall in front of her.

When Picolet and St. Paul looked, she ate that cake too. Both looked back and glared at her as she wiped her mouth. "This game is fun."

Picolet leaned over to his bridal trainer. "She has a sense of humor, much better than the last one. I like her even more."

Madame St. Paul tilted her chin up and huffed. "Little girls who think they're wise make for poor wife material. This one in particular should be happy that the Chardin family is willing to settle for less."

Tama-chan bristled at that, but Kasumi remained perfectly composed. "Oh dear, it would seem that I'm no good as a wife then. Is it fine for me to leave, now?"

"Oh non, non, little girl. Would-be wives with poor disposition merely need to have manners, elegance, and humility beaten into them thoroughly until they know their place," Madame St. Paul replied with a cheerful inflection in the not-at-all subtle threat of violence.

Kasumi was the picture of placid happiness as she responded in kind.

"I wish you would."

Madame St. Paul's smile vanished quickly, and her glasses became opaque as she reached for a truncheon to grant that wish.

In that same instant, Tama-chan imposed himself directly between them. "Madame St. Paul, perhaps it would be better to move on to the next level of training. After all, there are guests waiting to see the young master's new would-be-bride."

Kasumi was still smiling, and for the first time since he decided to pursue her, Picolet felt not just doubt, but fear begin to encompass his senses as he beheld it.

"Is she not the kind, docile sister? What is this murderous intent I feel?" he wondered to himself.

---

"We regret to inform you that due to inclement weather, we will be shutting down rail service for the evening, we extend our sincerest apologies…"

With that, Ranma, Akane, Nabiki, and Shampoo found themselves off the train that would take them to the Chardin estate and stuck a halfway to the northern edge of Tokyo, making their way through what was quickly becoming the biggest snow event in the history of the city. They were at least ready for it this time, wearing heavy winter coats, hats, and even snow goggles.

"Of course, Picolet would choose today of all days to decide to pick his bride," Nabiki complained.

Ranma, the hood of his brown jacket pulled tightly to keep the snow out, called back as they trudged along the snow-covered street, past cars slipping and sliding. "I'd say he did it purposefully to slow us down, but he's not that smart."

"I never thought I would say this, but I miss Roanapur," Shampoo complained.

They would've driven to the mansion, but low to the ground supercars were even less fond of the snow. At least she was warm; on her back she carried the pot of Akane's curry that was important to their plan of attack.

Akane's concerns could not be further from the weather. "We have to keep going; it wasn't this bad when Doctor Tofu left, he might already be there by now."

Ranma agreed. "I know, even as strong as he is, once he's around Kasumi…"

He becomes, for all intents and purposes, a buffoon who can't be relied on to do anything but absently destroy everything he gets his hands on. While that alone probably would take care of Picolet, putting anything to chance in this situation wasn't in their best interest. Besides, Ranma wanted to destroy Picolet himself.

"That reminds Shampoo, why does he go crazy?"

Akane shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know why, but he's been literally crazy for her since like… a few years back?"

"Since you were in fifth grade," Nabiki clarified.

"Oh." Shampoo then did the math. "Isn't Kasumi only nineteen?"

It occurred to Ranma at about then. "Whoa, Tofu's been hard up for her since she was twelve?"

"He's like what, thirty, thirty-five?" Shampoo asked. "Suddenly, that's not so cute."

Nabiki snorted. "Far as I know, and I know a lot, he's never tried anything with her until recently. Since he's a good guy and she loves him back, who am I to judge?"

"That's right," Akane agreed.

"After waiting six years, I think he'd end up exploding if he let it all out," Shampoo muttered aside to Ranma, who snickered.

The wind picked up, and with it the snow beat against their protective attire like a sandblaster. Ranma stopped and peered ahead, they couldn't even see down the street anymore. "This is going to take us forever."

"Especially with the weak girl slowing us down." Shampoo gestured to Nabiki.

"Eat me," Nabiki snapped at her.

Shampoo smirked. "Later."

"Fighting evil by moonlight!Winning love by daylight!"

Ranma reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. It was an unlisted number. "Hello?"

"Ran-chan, I heard the rail lines were shut down, have you gotten to the Chardin estate yet?" Ukyo asked as the sound of a helicopter's rotors approached.

"Ucchan? Well, no, we haven't. We're still in Nerima," he replied.

"Tell me where you are then; I'll come pick you up."

Ranma stared at the phone, and then looked around as Nabiki, Shampoo, and Akane stared at him. "We're a few blocks north of Akiba station…"

"Good! We'll be right over in a minute, just hang tight!"

The call ended, and Ranma looked to the girls as the helicopter suddenly became louder. "That was Ucchan; he wants to give us a ride."

"How nice of him!" Nabiki said cheerfully, before the helicopter came to a hover right overhead, and shone a light down on them.

Looking up at it, Nabiki then let out a hum. "How very nice of him."

"Whoa," was all Ranma could say as the ladder was tossed down to them.

---

In a fancy bedroom, designated hers 'until the wedding,' Kasumi tightly gripped the edge of a vanity and let out a quiet grunt of pain as Madame St. Paul tightly laced a heavy iron corset around her waist. The Bride Trainer was simply enjoying herself as she dug her heel into the small of Kasumi's back while pulling the laces of the corset tighter.

"You don't scream in pain, you may have some elegance in you yet," she taunted as she pulled the corset's laces a little harder, simply to cause Kasumi more pain.

Kasumi only let out a gasp as she felt her breath shorten. "You're only making it worse."

"I know, mademoiselle. That's the idea," Madame St. Paul said as she ground her heel into Kasumi's back.

"That isn't what I… huff… mean." Kasumi replied, but she didn't elaborate. Clarity was always best when it was a dawning, horrified realization.

Outside the bedroom door, Picolet and Tama-chan waited for Kasumi to emerge, the former sipping a glass of champagne as the latter's scowl continued to deepen every time Kasumi made a sound of pain. His scowling, in fact his behavior all day had not escaped the notice of his master.

"I should've realized sooner that you and the Mademoiselle shared a history."

Tama-chan rolled his eyes behind his blindfold. "Yes, we were childhood friends."

Picolet looked at Tama-chan, wide-eyed. "Really?"

He closed his eyes and laughed gaily. "Then you must care for one another greatly, I apologize if this has strained your relationship."

Oh, had it ever. Tama-chan's back stiffened a bit, as he restrained himself from snapping back at the fop. It wasn't that Picolet was being specifically malicious; he was just an idiot doing what he always knew to do. Though, ignorance bore its own malice…

"I have not seen Kasumi-chan since I was younger, so it makes no difference to me," he lied for the sake of ending the conversation.

It failed however, as Picolet's eyes shot open and he gasped. Turning away from Tama-chan, Picolet stirred the champagne in his glass, and mulled over this. For many months, almost a year, his head butler had served silently and faithfully, never uttering so much as a peep until today, and suddenly he was flat out emoting! Surely, an old friend was no small deal.

He turned to face Tama-chan again, and tilted his glass towards Picolet. "You are in love with her, oui?"

Tama-chan froze entirely, and then replied, "No, of course not."

Picolet laughed and patted him on the shoulder. "You don't need to hide it, it's written on you. You've been tense about it this entire time, and now I see why."

He turned and posed dramatically, as though using his glass like a microphone. "You are the unlucky childhood friend, burning with unrequited passion for a girl that has been taken from you."

Falling to his knees, Picolet covered his eyes with the back of his hand and tilted his head back. "Oh, how we all have suffered as cruel Fate's plaything!"

Tama-chan grimaced, but maintained his composure. "I don't have those feelings…"

Picolet then hummed. "Is this what they call… NTR?"

Tama-chan palmed his face. "You idiot… I'm trying to tell you, I don't care for her in that way-"

Picolet then snapped his fingers. "Aha, I have it!"

Tossing aside the champagne glass for a maid to swiftly catch, he took Tama-chan's hands in his own. "Monsieur, I am a man of honor, I will not have a man who has served me so lose his one love. I assure you, that once I have sired an heir to the La Belle France School with the Mademoiselle, I will… look the other way as you and she run off, oui?"

Tama-chan's voice went from reserved, if not strained, to toneless. "What."

Picolet released Tama-chan's hands. "It is as I said, once I have sired an heir to the school, I'll leave her to you. I'll even give you a house for the two of you to settle down and live out your lives."

Tama-chan remained statue-like, as he asked, "Are you not marrying her, sir?"

"Of course, but the goal is to acquire an heir, a Picolet Chardin III. It would not do to have a bastard son, would it not?" Picolet asked.

"So you're happy to just use her, and cast her aside?" Tama-chan began to lean forward, ever slightly, ready to lunge.

"Must you use such an ugly term?" Picolet missed the shifting atmosphere, the murderous intent, and the other glaring warning signs that his most trusted butler was about to murder him. "A much better term would be 'ensuring my genetic survival', oui?"

Before Tama-chan's hand could ram through Picolet's skull, the doors opened and Madame St. Paul emerged. Tama-chan went back to attention, though his hands were visibly shaking.

Picolet failed to notice any of his butler's movements as he turned to face the Madame. "Ah, is she ready to join the party?"

Madame St. Paul had noticed Tama-chan's movements and attacking posture, and glared at him before adjusting her glasses. "Of course, she did not even put up a fuss."

She gestured back to Kasumi, now wearing a beautiful white ballroom gown, with pink and white roses decorating down the front and along the skirt. She looked visibly pained, but was hiding the extent of her agony of the Iron Corset well. Corset notwithstanding, she was the picture of beauty in the dress, causing Picolet to do a double-take.

"Truly, she is… elegance unrivaled!" he declared.

Kasumi's lips twitched at their corners, as she marveled at how much it hurt to even breathe.

She tilted her head towards Madame St. Paul. "I've decided on how I am going to repay you for this. It will be spectacular."

"I most certainly hope it involves you not embarrassing me."

It didn't, Kasumi intended to destroy the concept of Madame St. Paul's dignity, thus preventing it from even existing.

"Now then, come along, the members of the Chardin family have come from far and wide to see the unveiling of Picolet's new bride, and they must not be left waiting."

"They can eat shit and die," Kasumi smiled regally even as she contemplated biting out the old crone's throat.

That one she had simply let past the sieve.

It was Tama-chan's turn to double-take, and he bristled when Madame St. Paul slapped Kasumi. "Watch your language, and put your mouth to better use! You're expected to dine with our guests, and remember. ELEGANCE!"

Kasumi did not react to the strike at all. "Elegance."

Picolet was too mesmerized by her beauty to process anything of what happened.

---

Out at the gate of the mansion, two maids dressed in protective winter attire and not wearing blindfolds stood under a lit awning in front of the tall, narrow guard shack adjacent, reading "Made Maid" magazine, the foremost word on all things involving maids, from workers' rights to fetishism to job listings.

This month's issue was "The Deadliest Maids on Earth."

"Not a single Chardin maid's even in the top fifty, except for M5," the maid holding the magazine lamented, "As usual, the top ten are dominated by Lovelace maids. I hear the head maid of that family actually has to take anti-psychotics to keep from killing her own Master."

"Scary as that sounds, I wouldn't mind working there. It'd be better than this freak show, ugh," the second guard/maid commented.

"I don't know," the first maid said, "I would like to be worked over by a guy who can lick the back of his own head."

The second maid stared at her coworker. "… Ew."

"Oh come on, like you haven't thought about it!"

"Plenty of times, and I'd rather have my joints cracked, my tendons and ligaments torn, and my internal organs reorganized alphabetically."

"… Is that like, an actual fetish, or were you bringing that up to say you'd really not want it to happen?"

The second maid groaned. Both then noticed a glint through the swirling snow, in the direction of the road leading up to the front gate of the Chardin mansion. When they peered more closely, they saw that it was light reflecting off the glasses of Dr. Tofu Ono, wearing no protective winter attire despite the storm and holding his umbrella above his head. His gaze was fixed straight ahead as he walked directly for the front gate.

The first maid frowned, and called out to him. "Are you lost, sir? This is private property and trespassers are forbidden on the grounds at this time!"

Tofu failed to respond.

The second maid began walking over as the first called. "Sir, unless you are in distress please go back the way you came, or we will remove you from the premises."

Her coworker reached Tofu, and stood in his way. "Sir, as we said this is not the place to be. If you do not stop, we will use force."

Tofu walked around the maid, and she crumpled to the ground, her body in convulsions. The remaining maid recoiled in shock, and then assumed a fighting stance. Triggering the silent alarm, she rushed towards Tofu to bring him down.

Her scream that followed, and the sound of her body being used as a projectile to smash open the gate, were muffled by the snowstorm.

---

Inside, as he walked a pace behind Picolet, St. Paul, and Kasumi, Tama-chan raised a hand to a hidden earpiece and listened to a report from the mansion's head of security. "Head Butler, there's a disturbance at the gate, the guards are not responding to the hails and the cameras are out. The silent alarm was triggered as well."

It had to be her family, come to rescue her. Good, now this farce could end. He quietly responded to the security. "Have our security team confront and escort them from the premises, use force if you must."

"Understood, Head Butler," the maid replied.

Tama-chan felt bad about feeding the other work staff to the meat-grinder, but he couldn't leave Kasumi alone here.

Opening the doors to the main ballroom, they were greeted by a lavish setup of food and decoration. Tables covered with white tablecloths displayed immaculately prepared and presented French cuisine, vegetable dishes, meat dishes, desserts, wines, and cheeses that filled the room with aromas that made Kasumi's mouth water despite the pain the corset was putting her through.

"Is it not the most delectable sight you've ever beheld?" Picolet asked her.

"Oh I'm sure it is; it's just difficult to appreciate all of this wonderful food when I'm in unbelievable pain," Kasumi replied.

"You carry yourself with such grace, mademoiselle!" Picolet had clearly ignored what she just said. "Come my dear, the most skilled practitioners of the La Belle France School have all braved this terrible storm to dine in your honor."

He gestured to the wealthily dressed men and women who immediately broke into applause for Kasumi. Like Picolet, there appeared to be nothing outwardly unusual about them. Indeed, many even were quite attractive, but Kasumi was sure that like Picolet, they were all gluttonous eaters who needed to burn in hell.

"Go right ahead, have anything you'd like," Picolet suggested as he guided Kasumi over to a table with his hand at the small of her back.

When he pulled his hand away and stepped back, Madame St. Paul hissed a reminder into her ear, "A lady is to not be seen eating. You will be corrected if you are."

Kasumi looked down at the table in front of her, and to the other martial artists gathered around. On closer inspection of these people, she noticed something that everyone had observed of Picolet back at the school–none of them seemed to be martial artists. Living in a household of them had long given her visual cues to spot the subtle differences between a person who trained regularly and those who did not, many of these people by and large were in the latter category.

"I don't understand, are these people martial artists or not?" she wondered to herself before she took up a fork and plate.

Almost immediately, she felt the gazes of the other guests, and caught glimpses of amused, even condescending smirks.

She ignored them and looked down at the plate of a finely cut pork loin roast under gravy. "Well, bon appetit!"

The moment she tried to serve herself, the food was gone. "Eh?"

She looked to her left and right, and saw the other practitioners either wiping their mouths or licking their lips after swiftly doing away with the roast.

"Well, I guess not," she whispered to herself before she went to another dish. "Oh! Duck de fois gras!"

Kasumi had always wanted to try such a foreign delicacy. Alas, the moment she attempted to serve herself, it and the dishes next to it were cleaned by the others at the table.

She stepped back, surprised, and looked at the other martial artists.

"How can they move so fast?!"

She excused herself and went to another table, with fewer people around it. A young Frenchwoman and her mother gave her an amicable smile, which Kasumi graciously returned, before she targeted a plate of ratatouille.

"I suppose if I'm going to get a chance to enjoy the food, I will have to move fast too." And strike fast she did her hand moving very quickly to at least spear a piece of zucchini in the dish.

Tink!

Kasumi stared at her fork, after it impacted with and cracked the bottom of the bowl. She looked back at the two women, now walking away and giving her taunting looks over their shoulders.

"Well that's just rude." She looked around at all the other tables. The strain of the corset, and the rude behavior of her guests dining in her honor was beginning to fill the sieve up more.

"Are you having difficulty, my mademoiselle?" Picolet asked.

"Ah, no, it's just when I try to eat. My guests who have come to honor me haven't been very courteous," she replied.

Madame St. Paul let out a small laugh. "Fufufu… they are merely eating as they have come to, as practitioners of the art. If you're going to be Picolet's wife, you must be worthy to dine at our table, lest you starve."

Kasumi resisted rolling her eyes, and then looked back at all the food. Surely there was a secret to how they ate. Maybe then she'd get to try some of the food and this evening wouldn't be a total waste.

She tapped the back of the fork against her cheek, and asked. "I'm curious as to what the secret is, would you share?"

Picolet blinked. "The secret?"

Tama-chan grimaced. "Please do not show her."

Madame St. Paul smirked, while the other guests all watched raptly as well, some exchanging wry looks to each other in anticipation. Picolet cleared his throat.

"The secret to the La Belle France School of Martial Arts Fine Dining is quite simple, my dear."

Kasumi nodded. "And it is?"

Picolet opened his mouth, and crammed the four fingers of each hand into it. Then, much to Kasumi's horror and disbelief, he stretched his lips out wide, turning his mouth into a gaping maw nearly two feet across. Still holding his mouth open, Picolet's pearly white teeth–a gruesome contrast to the fleshy insides of his hyper-extended cheeks–gnashed as he spoke. "Absolute mouth control."

Kasumi has witnessed terrible things in her life. She's seen grotesque deformations and fatal injuries in Tofu's medical journals, she's been to that weird part of the internet where Two Girls One Cup is considered tame, and she once heard a song talking about how someone looked like Goku.

This ranked up there.

"It is the most vile, disgusting, absolutely filthy thing I have ever seen in my life," Kasumi thought to herself, as the normal human reaction to such things went dumping straight into the sieve.

She looked around. Every person in the room was like this, a freak of nature whose mouths were specifically warped to be able to gluttonously devour great amounts of fine foods. And these people wanted her to become like them.

Oh, that just kindly tore it. Ranma and the others wouldn't be arriving at a mansion; they'd be arriving at a mausoleum. Inner Kasumi took a sip from the sieve.

Tama-chan had cringed when Picolet revealed the secret to his art. Once he had learned, the young butler realized right away why all of the service staff wore blindfolds and hastily donned one himself. However, when Kasumi did not scream or faint, he became curious. He grew even curiouser when Kasumi seemed rather cheerful.

"All right then, I would like to try again."

Picolet smiled broadly. "Oui, oui, Mademoiselle, you go right ahead! Enjoy the meal!"

Kasumi smiled cheerfully. "Oh, I will."

Turning away from Picolet, she walked with a purpose towards another table, still wearing that cheerful smile. Two older gentlemen and a young woman her age awaited her to join them for dinner.

She called to them. "Defend yourselves."

One of the Frenchmen blinked in surprise, as Kasumi suddenly tossed the plate she held up into the air. "Pardon?"

Catching the plate, Kasumi threw it right into his face. On impact it shattered and knocked him out cold with a bloodied face. As the second gentleman recoiled in horror, Kasumi twirled the fork in her hand and threw it into one of his raised hands, the fork impaling itself completely through it.

The young woman at his side gasped as the fork-struck man howled in pain. "Oh dear!"

She then looked back at Kasumi, in time to have her nose crunched flat by a punch to the face.

As she spilled to the ground, Kasumi looked to the table and a tray of hors d'oeuvres. With a quick strike of her hands, she made several disappear from the plate, and wiped her mouth after.

Picolet's distended jaw was hanging just above the floor, as Madame St. Paul was frozen in fury.

Tama-chan had the biggest grin on his face.

Kasumi looked around at the other tables, as with another flick of her arm, she ate another hors d'oeuvres undetected. "Ah, the texture and taste is truly unique, I must have the recipe. However…"

She looks to the next nearest table, not a hint of malice to be seen on her as she looked at the roast chicken on the table, and the terrified men and women backing away from it. She picked up six carving knives and held up three in each hand. "I should move on to the main course, oui?"

As she advanced on the table, Tama-chan received another call from the head of security. "What is it?"

"Head Butler, security teams one through eight have been annihilated! Nine through twelve are engaging, but they cannot stop him! He's just tearing through everything in his path!"

Wait, he was? "What do you mean, how many are there?"

"Just one, it's a man in a dark-colored karate gi, wearing glasses!"

Tama-chan's jaw set. No, it couldn't be…

---

But it was, as Doctor Tofu's palm smashed through a door barricaded by furniture from the era of Louis XIV, rendering most of it splinters and threads of fabric. In front of him, were some three dozen maids, none wearing blindfolds, and all armed with swords, pole arms, knives, and even crossbows. Beyond the armed maids, several more were barricading a set of large doors that no doubt led to the ballroom.

The crossbow armed maids, a full dozen of them, quickly set up a firing line and targeted the doctor.

Dr. Tofu sniffed, and adjusted his glasses as he closed his umbrella. The maids opened fire, the deadly bolts whipping through the air to turn the doctor into a pincushion. Upon reaching him, however, Dr. Tofu swung his umbrella, knocking the first salvo of bolts away and into the paths of the second, which in turn were deflected into the path of the third salvo. Every bolt missed their intended target by a wide margin.

One of the maids actually dropped her crossbow and soiled herself in fear.

Lowering his umbrella, Dr. Tofu began walking towards the maids down the long, expensively decorated corridor, and gradually picked up speed until he was in a full-blown battle charge.

Rather than attempt to reload the crossbows, the other maids dropped them and attacked, hoping to catch him off guard or at least bring him down with their numbers. The first to reach him was immediately struck in the lower stomach with the heel of his palm, and tossed aside.

A second maid reacted in surprise, and was stopped cold when Tofu poked her in the forehead with the umbrella, he then jabbed her in the shoulders, chest, stomach, and hips in rapid succession, before catching her in the neck with a swing and sending her down to the ground in a limp heap.

Tofu spun, and ducked under a kick aimed for his face, before hitting the maid with a disabling back-fist blow to her solar plexus. He swung the umbrella up and clocked another attacking maid across the face, sending her crashing bodily into the wall to her left and falling to the ground, also very still, as the others continued to attack.

---

In the ballroom, Kasumi's eyes gleamed as she threw the carving knives, the blades flipping through the air like deadly shurikens before embedding themselves into the table in front of where the petrified diners stood. In the moment they took to look at the blades and look back at Kasumi, she was already upon them, grabbing the face of a man in his fifties and wearing a suit adorned in medals.

"Here, have a seat sir," she said, and drove him back of the head first through a wooden chair.

As the chair came apart, she grabbed the back of it and rammed it into the stomach of another man, who fell over almost immediately, vomiting up a great deal of partially eaten food. Seeing this, Kasumi targeted a woman old enough to be her mother, probably the wife of one of the two men, given her especially horrified expression.

She shook her head at the men, and then looked at the woman. "My mother always taught me to chew my food, into tiny little pieces thoroughly before swallowing."

She raised the back of the chair, and smashed it over the woman's head into countless pieces.

"Like that."

"W-what is she doing?!" Picolet asked Madame St. Paul, he was unable to comprehend what he was seeing.

Removing one of the knives she embedded into the table, she spied another well dressed man running away from her in fear, and threw the knife, pegging him in the left buttock and causing him to stumble to the ground with a scream, which surprised Kasumi.

"My, that was an amazing impression of a Wilhelm Scream, if only Akane-chan was here to hear it."

She picked up a fork and began carving up the roast chicken. As she did, she looked up at a young man, probably Ranma's age, petrified with fear. She looked down at the chicken and then back up to him. "Would you like a piece?"

"Please don't hurt me," he sobbed.

"Oh, I won't hurt you."

She removed a drumstick from the chicken and then kicked the table up and onto the boy, flattening him under it.

"The table, however, made no such promise."

"Yasukichi! Stop her!" Madame St. Paul snarled at the butler.

"Stop what? She's not been seen eating," Tama-chan replied, as the other "Martial Artists" rushed for the main doors of the ballroom in an attempt to flee, only for them to find them barricaded from the other side.

Madame St. Paul looked from the doors to Kasumi, who was now wiping her mouth as she tossed away the bare bone.

She whirled back upon and screamed down at Tama-chan. "SHE IS ASSAULTING THE GUESTS!"

"It is Martial Arts Fine Dining, is it not? This is clearly the Tendo School of Indiscriminate Grappling Style. It's unorthodox, but quite impressive," Tama-chan replied as Kasumi reached another table, laughing as she cut off the escape route of a pair of young women.

Both women screamed, before Kasumi raised her hands. "No! No! Wait, I won't hurt you, I promise."

She then took the table cloth. "Here, would you like to see a trick?"

Before either could answer, Kasumi whipped off the tablecloth with great speed, leaving the plates, glasses, silverware, and dishes of food undisturbed. The cloth, however, went on to wrap around the head and shoulders of a man who had tried to grab Kasumi from behind and end the madness.

Both women could not help but applause; it was a very neat trick after all. Kasumi bowed politely, smiled, and then swung the tablecloth and her wrapped up victim around to strike both women, and let all three crash to the floor.

"GET THE MAIDS IN HERE THEN!" Madame St. Paul screamed.

Picolet whimpered. "She used that man as a club."

Tama-chan looked towards the door, and the panicked guests trying to knock it down. "The Maids are dealing with a situation."

Madame St. Paul was livid. "A situation? What sort of situation could require more attention than this?!"

---

Back in the hallway, a maid was smashed into a support beam that jutted out low from the ceiling and held up there by the end of Dr. Tofu's umbrella against her stomach. When she attempted to struggle, Dr. Tofu looked up at her and applied more pressure, cracking the beam and causing her to cough up blood.

"Bastard!" A furious maid cried as she tried to attack Dr. Tofu while he was preoccupied, and she was simply kicked in the face for her troubles. As she staggered back, Tofu let the pinned maid fall, and kicked her into the other, knocking both down.

Three more maids attacked, all armed with swords, and all attacking in a straight line. Dr. Tofu parried a blindingly fast strike to his throat with his umbrella, and in the next instant the first maid was flying through the air behind him upside down.

The second maid tried to go for his legs, and she was stomped face-first into the marble floor, cracking it.

The pieces of marble freed by the impact were still in the air when Dr. Tofu spun to avoid the stab of the third maid, and backhanded her with enough force to put her through the wall to his right.

The remaining maids witnessed this, and the long trail of their defeated sisters behind him, and all immediately had second thoughts about continuing the engagement.

Dr. Tofu kept walking towards them, and finally spoke since he arrived, "Move or I will move you."

He then raised his hand and caught a pair of knives thrown at the back of his head between his fingers. Also for the first time since arriving, he looked back as gasps of hope and relief sounded from the embattled maids.

At the other end of the corridor stood a blonde-haired maid with a pronounced ahoge. She wore a pair of black Rayband sunglasses and a bright red uniform as opposed to the blacks of the others.

"It's the Head of Security! We're saved!" the sole maid who chose not to engage at all in lieu of wetting herself sobbed with joy.

The Head of Security tilted down her sunglasses, and stared at Dr. Tofu, her bright blonde hair hanging over her blue eyes. "Well, well, the great Dr. Tofu Ono truly has come to the Chardin residence."

Dr. Tofu stared at the bright red spike of hair that rose from just above her crown, looked at her outfit and replied. "I don't know who you are, but you must be at least three times faster than these maids."

The Head of Security snorted. "Who I am is unimportant. All that you need to know, Tofu Ono, is that your rampage ends here and now!"

Drawing numerous more knives, the head maid threw herself at Dr. Tofu.

---

Back in the ballroom, Kasumi was holding up a tray of cakes and candies to the terrified La Belle France martial artists in one hand. In the other she held a very long butcher's knife. She had corralled them all up against the main ballroom door. "There's still plenty of food left. Come, doesn't anyone want to continue dinner? It's very yummy!"

She held up the knife.

"Just remember to be elegant."

Then twirled it deftly over her fingers.

"Or else."

Madame St. Paul glared at Tama-chan, and then pulled out a white smartphone. "Very well, if the Head Butler will not act, then I'm sure the Head Maid will."

Tama-chan turned towards Madame St. Paul. "… You wouldn't!"

"I already have," Madame St. Paul coldly replied as she pressed a button on her touch screen phone labeled "M5 App".

The lights of the ballroom dimmed, and the room suddenly seemed to fill with mist provided by hidden generators. Lowering her knife and the tray, Kasumi turned away from the other guests and looked towards the center of the room, as a circular trap door opened and something began to rise from it.

"Oh my." Kasumi quietly said, as a maid emerged, but not just any maid.

It was a seven foot tall, extremely masculine maid, with broad shoulders and extensive musculature. The maid wore a mask over the top half of the face, with two round, glowing red eyes that seemed to bore into Kasumi.

"What an unusual maid," she said.

Madame St. Paul called to Kasumi. "You horrible, inelegant harlot, look what you have made me do! This is no mere maid! He is the sixth deadliest maid on Earth."

"He?" Kasumi looked again and saw that the Masked Maid was in fact a Guy. Wait, a man dressed as a maid? Kasumi's eyes widened. "Is this… the legendary…?"

"This is… the Mighty Monolithic Masked Maid Man! Or M5 for short," Madame St. Paul interrupted, before she laughed haughtily, "He will put you in your place, little girl!"

Kasumi actually looked disappointed. "Oh, it's just a cheap knockoff."

M5 grinned, showing off a mouthful of sharp teeth. "Ke… ke… ke… you appear to not recognize the gravity of your situation. It is a rare event that I've been summoned to tidy up such a mess."

M5 looked over to Tama-chan. "Yasukichi, are you not doing your job correctly?"

Picolet finally managed to snap out of his shock, and did a double-take upon seeing M5. "Madame St. Paul, why have you summoned him?! This is entirely unnecessary!"

"Yes!" Tama-chan agreed.

"You do realize how much he charges per minute for his service, yes?!"

Tama-chan buried his face in his palm, as Kasumi shook her head at Picolet. What a disgusting human being.

M5's glowing eyes shone brighter, as his grin broadened. "Well then, I suppose it is time to take out this garbage."

"What did you call her?!" Tama-chan yelled, before a loud boom drowned him out and made everyone but the manly maid jump.

The boom came from the doors that the other guests had been trying to break down, except it was from the other side. Another boom caused the heavy wooden doors to bulge outward, and then a final explosion saw the doors disintegrate, sending the guests flying all over the ballroom, with splinters and the remnants of furniture. The red-clad Head of Security went hurtling through the air, over Kasumi's head, and landing in a bloody heap at the feet of M5, having been used as the battering ram to get through the door.

Looking down at the broken maid, M5 looked up at the one responsible, and his mask's red eyes narrowed. "You… Tofu Ono!"

Tama-chan turned his head towards Dr. Tofu, bristling, as Kasumi let out a relieved gasp. "Doctor Tofu!"

Tofu hummed. "More people who act like they're familiar with me. How strange."

Picolet blinked a few times, and he looked past the Doctor at the devastation left in his wake. Immediately, the blonde fop felt faint. "All of those d-damages… this will cost so much to repair." He shook his head. "This man… he's Kasumi's unrequited affair?!"

M5 let out his creepy, sinister chuckle. "Ke… ke… ke… ke… it is rare that I am summoned for anything worthwhile, but this is truly one of those moments!"

The massive maid assumed a fighting stance, a terrible battle aura enveloping him. "Prepare yourself-!"

Dr. Tofu punched M5 in the jaw, knocking him flat out.

"My apologies, but it took me three hours to get here. I'm not interested in fighting insignificant people."

He turned to face Picolet and Madame St. Paul. "I am Doctor Tofu Ono; I am the Tendo Family's physician and Kasumi Tendo's lover. Monsieur Chardin, you've made a mistake in taking her as your would-be bride, so you will return her to her family at once."

"L-lover?!" Picolet's mouth was extremely wide as he bellowed this.

Madame St. Paul's glasses became opaque, and the left-hand corner of her scowling lips twitched with anger.

Dr. Tofu nodded as Kasumi joined his side, giddily bouncing on her feet. "Yes, Kasumi-chan is my lover, and we have been involved for some time."

"Quite a lot of time, I'm sure!" Tama-chan coldly spoke, before he suddenly appeared to strike at Tofu's face with the blade of his outstretched hand.

Dr. Tofu smartly blocked it, and parried it away from his face. Tama-chan continued his attacks, actually becoming invisible once again. The only sign that he was actually striking were the sounds of his blows being deflected by Dr. Tofu's raised arms.

"That fool, he acts now?!" Madame St. Paul asked as Tofu suddenly struck, his palm-thrust narrowly missing Tama-chan's head as it took off his blindfold. Seeing the face of the young butler surprised him.

"Yasukichi-kun?!" he gasped before he avoided another deadly strike by stepping back. Tama-chan did not pursue, this time.

"The only reason I did not go was because I did not want to leave Kasumi-chan unattended," he said, "But now that you're here, I can't hold myself back, you pervert."

Dr. Tofu sighed. "You're still stuck on that, I see."

Kasumi was stunned. "Tama-chan, Dr. Tofu, why are the two of you fighting?"

Tama-chan clenched his teeth. "You're pretty blasé about it, and you ignored my warning!"

"What warning?" Kasumi looked between the two, beginning to fret.

"I did no such thing," Tofu said as Tama-chan prepared to attack.

Tama-chan let out a sardonic snort. "No such thing?!"

He charged straight for Dr. Tofu at incredible speed. "Then why are you calling Kasumi-chan your lover?!"

Before he could get in range to attack, Kasumi imposed herself between Tama-chan and Dr. Tofu, and violently slapped the former, knocking him to the ground.

When he looked up at her, she reached down and grabbed his ear, hauling him up onto his feet by it. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Dr. Tofu blinked in surprise, as Kasumi walked back over to him, dragging Tama-chan behind her, and grabbed his ear as well, causing him to let out a hiss of pain. "K-Kasumi-chan!"

"Not until I get an explanation! I've been worried sick about you all day, Yasukichi! What did Dr. Tofu do to make you so angry?!"

Tama-chan flinched when Kasumi used his real name.

She twisted Dr. Tofu's ear. "And you, Doctor! Why didn't you tell me that Tama-chan was upset with you over something? Neither of you dare try to fight, I want an explanation, now!"

Picolet's bewilderment was never going to end, but before he could comment on how Kasumi so easily subdued two of the scariest men he'd ever known, Madame St. Paul tapped on his shoulder and began to whisper something in his ear once she had his attention.

Cowed, Dr. Tofu and Tama-chan looked to each other, before Dr. Tofu heaved a sigh and spoke. "This all started several weeks before Yasukichi-kun was to move."

Tama-chan took a breath before he admitted the source of his ire. "I learned that Doctor Tofu was attracted to you."

Before Dr. Tofu could get a quip in, he cut him off. "I had stumbled on him going off into a weird tangent about you in his office; he should've kept his door locked."

"It was not a strange tangent, I was thinking aloud," Dr. Tofu protested, "I admit that I was speaking highly of her, but it was entirely out of admiration of her maturity and sacrifice to her family."

"It was still pretty fucking creepy," Tama-chan snapped at him, "Then after that you actually tried to ask her father for permission to marry her."

"That was not my idea! Nabiki tried to set that up, I was so wracked by the whole incident that I had a nervous breakdown!" Dr. Tofu yelled back at Yasukichi.

Tama-chan tilted his head, or at least tried, Kasumi's fingers were like clamps. "Wait, Nabiki?"

"She's been shipping him and I for years., Kasumi explained.

Tama-chan hummed. "Oh, I could've sworn he put her up to it."

"I was a private practice doctor who just opened up shop less than a year before. I'm sure the community would've loved the scandal of me asking to be engaged to a twelve year old," Dr. Tofu deadpanned.

Kasumi shook her head. "You were always overprotective of me, Tama-chan. So of course you would try to protect me from him when you found out."

"And of course, you didn't tell her anything at all, because you didn't want to burden her with the knowledge," Dr. Tofu added, "Then you left before it could all be sorted out."

"Noble, but stupid," Kasumi said, before she smiled, "But that's always been your thing, right Tama-chan?"

Tama-chan hung his head again. … "Yes…"

Kasumi then looked at Dr. Tofu. "Why didn't you say anything about it?"

"Ah… remember the nervous breakdown I mentioned?" When Kasumi nodded, Dr. Tofu explained that as well, "Well, after that, every time I came into close proximity of you I would relapse into it preventing me from functioning in any capacity around you."

This surprised Kasumi. "Oh… and here I thought you were just being funny."

Tama-chan was mystified. "Wait, so he never touched you, at all?"

"Not until three months ago," Kasumi revealed.

Dr. Tofu became quite proud. "Yes, I was cured of my psychosis and Kasumi and I began dating right away, though we've kept it a secret, mainly for her Father's sake."

"I-I see…"

Tama-chan relaxed, and let out a sigh. Looking between the two of them, he stood straighter, and when Kasumi released his ear, he bowed to Dr. Tofu.

"I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, Doctor Tofu. I wish you and Kasumi-chan well."

"Oh. Well, you're forgiven!" Dr. Tofu replied cheerfully as he patted Tama-chan on the shoulder.

"Wait-wait-wait!" Picolet protested before he pointed at Tama-chan, "Were you not in love with the fair Mademoiselle?!"

Tama-chan rolled his eyes. "No! I never felt that way about Kasumi-chan; she's my best friend and nothing else. Furthermore, I already have a girlfriend."

"Oh, really Tama-chan?!" Kasumi asked.

"Yes really, she's an American girl, and she owns a chicken farm in Maryland."

"So exotic…"

Tama-chan then glared at Picolet. "But I haven't seen her in a long time since I was forced to work for this idiot."

"Forced?" Dr. Tofu did not take kindly to that, and began cracking his knuckles. "Well, we'll have to rectify that."

Picolet then raised his hands. "Ah, wait monsieur. Yasukichi, he has a legitimate debt with the Chardin Family, you see. He…"

"Lost an eating contest with you and has to work for you to pay it off?" Kasumi quipped in.

"Oui, mademoiselle, similar to the debt your Father accrued and vowed to pay with a daughter as my bride," Picolet replied.

Dr. Tofu frowned. "Ah yes, that unfortunate detail. Well, given that Kasumi-chan is off the market, and Soun's troubles aren't my own, we'll be leaving. Feel free to sit and spin if you like."

As he and Kasumi turned to leave, Picolet called after them. "Monsieur, there's still the matter of your troubles."

Tofu ignored him as he and Kasumi walked for the doors. "I speak mainly of the countless millions of Euros in damages and medical expense that you and your lover have caused."

Both turned back to look at him, as Madame St. Paul stood beside him with a smug look on her face. His own expression was rather calculating as he gestured to one of the remaining unspoiled tables in the ballroom. "However, I think we can resolve this matter quite quickly with a single Fine Dining Duel?"

At that moment, the sound of a rapidly approaching helicopter filled the room.

Everyone looked towards the ballroom's stained glass windows, only a moment before a light machine gun shattered them, sending glass raining onto the ballroom floor. With the glass, Ranma, Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyo carrying Nabiki in his arms leaped in and landed in front of a startled Picolet and Madame St. Paul.

"Aw man, looks like we're late for the Ballroom Blitz," Ranma complained when he saw the devastation that had been wrought.

Shampoo lowered her LMG and whistled. "Wow, Tofu, where was this back when we were having our sidestory adventures?"

"I didn't do this," Dr. Tofu said, before he rested a hand on Kasumi's hip, "All her."

"Oh." Shampoo nodded. "Yeah, this is about right too."

"Jesus Christ, Kasumi," Nabiki muttered, as Ukyo set her down.

She smiled to him, and then folded her arms. "Well, we're here, so let's get this over with."

"Ah yes," Picolet said, "You arrived right on time, monsieurs and madams, I was about to accept Monsieur Doctor's challenge to a duel."

"Yeah, fuck that. We have a better challenge," Ranma replied, "An all or nothing bet. If you win, you get it all."

Picolet blinked. "What do you mean, sir?"

"I mean, you get Kasumi and… I guess we pay you back for all of the damages done to the house by Dr. Tofu, even if it means we have to be your slaves for life," Ranma explained.

"Is that so, Monsieur?"

"Yes it is." Ranma then drew his weapon, a bowl. "All you have to do is finish a single bowl of curry before I do."

Tama-chan's eyes widened. "Wait, don't challenge him-!"

Picolet raised his arm, cutting him off as he grinned at Ranma's challenge. "Oh, you would wager everything on a single bowl of curry?"

"Yes, and if he wins, all of our debts are cleared–including those owed by our fathers," Nabiki replied, "That should be fair, don't you think?"

Picolet let out a suave laugh. He could see what they were trying to do, and sadly it would not work. For generations, the Chardin family has suffered all manner of poison, to the point that they even find the deadliest of concoctions edible. Their mouths may be made of rubber, but their stomachs are the finest steel.

He would humor them, however, in anticipation of their looks of horror and disbelief as he smartly bested Ranma and felt no ill-effect of whatever he may have laced the curry with.

"Very well, Monsieur, I accept!"

---

In moments, the walking wounded La Belle France Martial Artists and the Chardin Maids were gathered around a table in the tidied up ballroom. On one side of the round table, Ranma sat in front of his empty bowl, a single spoon in hand. Across from him, Picolet was examining the elegant spread of silverware around his own fine china bowl, which sat atop a matching plate.

Behind Ranma, Akane and Kasumi watched with keen interest, while Nabiki snuck flirty looks towards Ukyo. To their side Tama-chan wrung his hands nervously, as Dr. Tofu smirked.

To Picolet's side, Madame St. Paul stared down Shampoo, who removed from her back the pot and set it down on the table. Seeing the padlocks that secured the handles, the French fop rolled his eyes.

"A little melodramatic, aren't we?" he asked.

He couldn't help but notice that it felt warmer all of a sudden.

Shampoo let out a huff. "You have no idea."

Akane, fire blazing in her eyes, nodded. "Ranma, the time has come for us to rid ourselves of this parasite."

She then spun around and pointed at the bowl. "Shampoo, Nabiki! Engage Formation C!"

Shampoo drew from her pocket a key and threw it. "Nabiki Tendo, the keys that Great Grandma gave us!"

Catching the key, Nabiki slid to a halt across the table from her and held her key up as Shampoo drew her own. "Right!"

Both then held their keys upward and declared together. "For victory and the freedom from debt to the French, by the oath sworn through spite: AKANE'S CURRY, SAFETY RELEASE…"

Nabiki and Shampoo slammed the keys into the keyholes of the padlocks and twisted them, as Shampoo shouted out. "… APPROVED!"

"THIS IS THE KEY TO VICTORY!" Akane roared.

Ukyo looked over to Kasumi. "She's a…"

"Nerd. Yes," Kasumi finished.

Ukyo nodded. "Ah."

Grasping the top of the lid, Shampoo took a deep breath and removed the lid, revealing to the entire room the horror held within, a continuously bubbling pot of curry. This sight actually perturbed Ranma and Akane, while Shampoo actually took a step back.

"W-wasn't that in the freezer… for two months?" Ukyo asked.

Madame St. Paul, seeing Ranma's expression, grew concerned. If this was the boy's attempt at poisoning Picolet, why was he about to sit down and eat it as well? She stepped forward.

"As official referee, I shall over see the match. The rules are simple; the first to eat a single serving of curry will be deemed the winner. Failure to finish the dish for any reason will result in immediate forfeit."

She looked to Ranma as she said that. He had regained his composure, and looked ready to throw down via chow down.

"Yeah, yeah… let's get this started," Ranma twirled his spoon in hand and tapped on the side of the bowl. "Serve me up, soup lady."

Shampoo nodded, and dipped a spoon into the pot. A hiss of steam from the pot sounded like ancient tongues spoken by incomprehensible beings from beyond the dark.

"That is terrifying," Ukyo said as Shampoo served both Ranma and Picolet, before stepping back.

Picolet looked down at the lone bowl of curry, and then over at Ranma. "I think I should warn you before we begin."

Ranma looked up, and wiped the corner of his mouth, removing a bit of whitish drool that leaked from it. "What is it?"

"We Chardins have hardened our bodies to poison, we are immune to it."

"Is that so?" Ranma twirled his spoon again. "I'm not a dishonorable idiot; I wouldn't poison a guy to win. That's just not how martial artists do things."

Madame St. Paul wore a nasty smirk at that. "Yes, it is good to know we're dealing with such honorable opponents."

She raised her hand.

"Get ready," Madame St. Paul commanded.

Raising his spoon, Ranma got ready to chow down, as Picolet simply adjusted the napkin tucked into his collar. Spectators on both sides of the room grew tense as they waited these final tense seconds for the duel to begin, and with Madame St. Paul's call, it did.

"Bon appetit!"

In an instant, half of Picolet's bowl was empty, as Ranma scooped up some of the curry on his spoon and swallowed it down. A dead silence filled the room broken by the soft tinkling of Ranma's spoon striking the bowl as he continued to eat, and for a few moments it was the only sound, before he looked up at Picolet.

"It's pretty good, don't you think?" he asked him.

Picolet was frozen, his eyes locked straight ahead as he held onto the end of the spoon in his mouth. Madame St. Paul blinked in confusion, as the La Belle France Artists began murmuring worriedly.

Tama-chan blinked several times, never had he seen Picolet simply stop eating before. "What on Earth?"

Removing the spoon from his mouth, Picolet raised his napkin and wiped it. "Ah, good monsieur, I would say it is quite delectable."

As he spoke, his face began to turn red.

"It is the curry's curry, earthy, with a hint of sweetness that makes it simply a splendor to taste."

Tears began pouring down his sweat splashed cheeks, and he was beginning to show difficulty breathing.

"… And it is by far, without a doubt, the greatest agony I've ever experienced in my life."

Picolet fell out of his chair and to the floor, curled up into a ball and crying loudly and mournfully from his pain as he clutched his mouth.

Ranma returned to his bowl and smoothly finished it, without breaking a sweat. "That's too bad, bro."

He looked over to Akane. "That was delicious, Akane."

She of course swooned.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" Madame St. Paul's mouth distended across a wide area, turning her shriek into a bellowing roar.

Tama-chan gasped. "Of course, a mouth of such flexibility would have no defense against spicy foods!"

"He's truly an idiot to fall for it, given how much they telegraphed there was something wrong with the curry," Ukyo observed.

"Foolish be the glutton, who eats rather than thinks," Dr. Tofu wrote down in a notebook.

Tama-chan then spoke up. "But wait, how did Ranma withstand the curry's heat?!"

"Oh that's easy." Ranma then stuck out his tongue, revealing it coated with a white substance. He closed it. "I covered my mouth with wax, so I wouldn't taste it."

Tama-chan nodded. "The Homer Simpson method, I see."

"Well, that's it, we win." Nabiki dusted her hands. "Kasumi, Doctor Tofu, we have a helicopter waiting to take us back home, let's G-T-F-O."

"Agreed!" Kasumi said before she looked over to Tama-chan, "You're welcome to come along, hopefully it's not too late and I can whip up some snacks."

Tama-chan smiled. "Actually, I'd be happy to make them myself. I think I'm done working for these clods."

"NO YOU ARE NOT!"

Everyone looked back at Madame St. Paul, her hair disheveled, and her face purple with rage. Her big mouth was effective in conveying her anger at max volume

"YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! THIS HUMILIATION, THIS TREACHERY IS UNFORGIVABLE!"

She pointed at Picolet, still sobbing his eyes out.

"YOU HAVE DESTROYED HIS MOUTH, THE SOLE WEAPON OF A MARTIAL ARTS FINE DINER! HOW DARE YOU EVEN CALL YOURSELVES HONORABLE?!"

Ranma groaned. "Oh shut up about honor. We know that your martial art's fake."

Madame St. Paul's mouth hung agape at the accusation, as Ranma rammed it home. "It's not a real martial art; it's just a speed eating technique that offers no real practicality in combat. You've just been going around conning real Martial Artists into thinking it, so you could fleece them out of whatever. Food, riches, expensive mansions…"

"… Brides to create filthy offspring…" Kasumi added.

Nabiki smiled maliciously as she added. "… And servants, lots of servants, in fact according to some Googling, it turns out that ninety-five percent of the Chardin Family's service staff is made up of maids trying to work off debts owed, either by themselves or through family who lost 'duels' with the Chardins."

Tama-chan's tone had vanished again. "What."

"It gets better," Nabiki said to him, "A little more Googling revealed that the Chardins were effectively run out of Europe by real European Martial Artists, so they settled down here in Japan specifically to take advantage of gullible martial artists here–which they've done extensively. They're nothing but a bunch of gluttonous con men with freakish mouths."

Madame St. Paul could hear the sound of the air displaced by every maid in the room turning her head to look at her and Picolet.

"In short, they would've never considered your debts repaid and they have no honor whatsoever," Ranma said, "Right, Madame?"

The left lens of Madame St. Paul's glasses cracked, and she broke into a grin that went back further than grins should go, curling up in the corners like the Grinch. The game was truly up, the darkest secret of the La Belle France school exposed. Even if she could try to say otherwise, their less than adequately treated and compensated maids would not care.

However, this was not over.

"Boy, you are right about many things… except for one."

She smiled, and her teeth seemed to transform in her mouth, becoming razor sharp. "The La Belle France School does have one offensive technique, a truly gruesome and horrific move specifically for those like yourselves… who know far too much."

Madame St. Paul opened her mouth wide, revealing that every single one of her teeth had transformed, and combined with the massive size of her maw. "The requirements to master this technique are two-fold: One must have a true dedication to the darkness of the La Belle France School… and a taste for… la chair humaine."

The other La Belle School artists recoiled in horror, some murmuring "Not that!" and "Not THAT technique."

Many of the Maids looked away as others vomited in disgust.

Ranma blinked. "La what?"

"Human flesh," Dr. Tofu uttered, in disgust.

"Oh my God, they're cannibals too," Akane said.

Shampoo held up her LMG, now equipped with an under-barrel flamethrower. "Well, time to purge the mutant."

Kasumi stepped up, holding up her hand. "That won't be necessary, Shampoo-chan. I have been meaning to pay this woman back for her rude behavior since I got here."

She walked towards Madame St. Paul, who laughed. "Oui! Oui! You horrible harlot, you were exactly my first victim in mind!"

"Kasumi-chan!" Tama-chan cried out, before Tofu stopped him, and shook his head.

The Freakish Frenchwoman tore open the top of her dress, revealing that she too wore an iron corset, and several loud twangs sounded as the rigid metal slackened to allow her better movement.

In her own innermost thoughts, Kasumi raised the sieve, and simply dropped it.

Her eyes glowing white, and her mouth resembling a great white shark's she lunged towards Kasumi to bite her head and shoulders clean off. "LA BELLE FRANCE KILLING TECHNIQUE: LA GUILLOTI-!"

Madame St. Paul was stopped cold, by a palm thrust right into the stomach. A strangled sound exiting her gaping mouth, her eyes rolled down to look at Kasumi, who slowly raised her head to look up at her. A gentle blue battle aura then began to emanate from Kasumi's body, as she dug her fingers into Madame St. Paul's corset and lifted the struggling woman up above her head.

"I told you, you only made it worse for yourself," she said to the shocked Madame St. Paul, "Gentle Sieve Secret Finishing Technique…"

The battle aura then surged straight for Kasumi's hand, growing brighter as it concentrated to her hand, before it suddenly released as a blue blast of light that engulfed a screaming Madame St. Paul. The beam's recoil shattered the floor beneath Kasumi's feet, creating a large crater as the beam itself blew a hole in the ceiling, through the roof, and the low clouds above the mansion.

"Gentle Palm Release."

"O-onee-sama…" Akane said in awe.

"Holy fuck, teach Shampoo?" Shampoo asked.

"The Gentle Sieve, seeing it in action gives me chills down my spine," Dr. Tofu declared.

Tama-chan leaned aside. "And a raging boner?"

"Yes," the Doctor agreed.

Stepping away from Madame St. Paul, and stomping on the still sobbing Picolet, Kasumi stopped and grimaced in discomfort before she reached up and grabbed the top of her dress. After straining to loosen it, she let out a sigh of resignation… and simply tore it and the iron corset underneath clean from her body, leaving her only in a pair of French-cut panties and garters. She smiled to the others.

"All right, we can go now."

Tofu, Ranma, Tama-chan, Ukyo, and Shampoo all quickly dropped to the floor, blood spraying from their noses.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" Akane screamed as she took off her coat to cover Kasumi up, while Nabiki stared down at Shampoo with a raised eyebrow.

"Something you're not telling me, China Doll?"

As they left out the door many of the Maids, picking up whatever weapons they could get their hands on, slowly descended upon Picolet and Madame St. Paul, while others blocked the exits… to ensure none of the other La Belle France freaks could get away either.

---

The next morning Tokyo awoke to a cloud-covered sky, and snow-covered everything else. In the backyard of the Tendo Dojo, where everyone ended up staying the night, Tama-chan–his fancy butler clothes discarded in lieu of a comfortable green kimono–opened up an umbrella as he looked at a sheet of paper. The airport had been cleared of snow, and his flight back to America was waiting.

"It's really a shame you can't stay longer, Yasukichi-kun," Dr. Tofu said as he and Kasumi joined him outside.

"I would love to, I really would, but I've been a debt-slave to the Chardins for over six months now. I really have to go pick my life back up," Tama-chan replied.

Kasumi nodded. "I understand. It was nice seeing you again, Tama-chan."

She gave him a hug. "Do keep in touch, will you?"

Tama-chan returned the hug. "Of course I will, you'll need a world class chef for your wedding one day, won't you?"

A bright blush flashed across Kasumi's face, as she pulled away from Tama-chan.

With a small laugh at her reaction, Tama-chan looked to Dr. Tofu. "I don't have to ask you to take care of her, so I'll just wish you the best. I'm sorry, again, for our misunderstanding."

"My only regret is that we didn't get it sorted out sooner, Yasukichi-kun," Dr. Tofu said.

Kasumi then reached into the pocket of her apron, and handed him a charm. "Here, for good luck."

Looking at the charm, a ward for safe childbirth, Tama-chan chuckled and put it away. "I'm sure it'll come in handy. Thank you, Kasumi-chan."

He then shook off the snow that had collected atop the umbrella and walked to the helicopter that waited silently in the backyard.

As they watched him walk away, Kasumi shivered in the cold and leaned against Dr. Tofu with a smile on her face.

"Our wedding, one day?" she asked.

Dr. Tofu kissed her on the forehead. "Hopefully we'll see him again very soon."

Kasumi didn't feel cold all of a sudden, as she hugged him tightly.

On the patio, Ranma and Akane were saying their own goodbye to Ukyo as the helicopter began to start up.

Behind them, Genma slept in human form under the heated table in front of the TV, where he had been all night since everyone left as none of this concerned him, again, for once.

Soun was also seated at the heated table, sporting two black eyes and numerous bruises from the beating Akane exacted upon him when they got back. Nabiki and Shampoo were still asleep, in Nabiki's room–something that both Ranma and Akane found interesting.

"I can't thank you enough for helping us, Ukyo," Akane said as she bowed politely to Ranma's childhood friend.

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, man, you really went out of your way for us. I feel like I owe you one."

"Think nothing of it; I'd do anything for you Ran-chan, and your family here," Ukyo replied after he respectfully bowed back.

"So what's next for you, sunny beaches and hot bitches?" Ranma asked. Akane elbowed him in the stomach. "Oof!"

"Actually, I'm always busy. Between school and running my business, I have no free time," Ukyo said with a disappointed inflection, before he smiled, "But, now that I know where you live, I'll definitely be around more often!"

Ranma grinned as well, as he rubbed his stomach. "That'll be awesome; it'll just be like old times, except I'll have money to pay for your okonomiyaki, instead of just beating you up."

Behind Ranma and Akane, Genma awoke with a start at the word Okonomiyaki, and looked over towards the teens on the porch. Bringing his hand to his glasses, he adjusted them and grew wide-eyed as Ukyo spoke. "About that, Ran-chan…"

"What's up?"

Ukyo glanced towards Genma, and then narrowed his eyes slightly when the elder Saotome froze in a panic. He looked to Ranma and his smile became more of a challenging smirk. "Do you remember my promise a long time ago, Ran-chan?"

"Your promise?"

It only took Ranma a second to remember it. "… One day you're going to become as strong as I am, so we can have the best fight ever."

Ukyo's bandaged right hand came to rest on Ranma's left shoulder, as the helicopter's rotor wash kicked up snow in every direction. "I doubt I'm on your level yet, but I have a feeling I'm close. Maybe one day soon, we'll have that fight?"

Ranma rested his right hand on Ukyo's left shoulder, and he smirked as well. "Sure will, but don't expect for me to hold back because we're friends."

Both stared intently at one another, while to the side, Akane idly mused how hot it'd be to between that hot man-sandwich, and bit her lower lip.

Releasing Ranma's shoulder, Ukyo pulled away and walked towards the helicopter. On reaching and grabbing the open door and placing his foot on the skid, he looked back and shouted to his friend and rival as the helicopter lifted off.

"I'd never forgive anything less than everything you have!"

Watching the helicopter fly off into the cloudy sky, Ranma put his arm around Akane's waist as she hugged him affectionately. "Man, what a crazy night, huh?"

"Yeah, you didn't tell me what you wanted for Christmas, you know," Akane said as she nuzzled his side.

Ranma hummed, and then grinned. "How about some Beef Curry, you know, without the pepper?"

Akane let out a laugh. "You want that because you'll know I'll 'need help' to make it."

He tilted her head up and kissed her, prompting a happy hum from her, and then pulled away. "Yeah, pretty much."

Laughing again, Akane called him a pervert and shoved him. Taking mock offense, Ranma chased her out into the snow-covered backyard, and in seconds both were throwing snowballs at each other. As the two played, Genma regained his composure and let out a long, relieved sigh.

It looked like he was off the hook.

---

A/N: For now.