BPOV:

I watched Edward get up and walk over to the basinet while the baby cried. He was such a good daddy able to know whether she was upset because she was hungry, had a dirty diaper or just wanted to be held. He was able to rock her in one arm while warming a bottle of formula in the other with ease. He was able to sooth her crying with a few soft spoken words.

The baby hated me.

After Edward found me crying over her tiny body when I was informed that I was left half a woman he took her from my arms and she hasn't felt comfortable in them since. No one understood why I was acting the way I was. Some would call it depression but I knew different. I felt empty. They took everything and I felt hollow but they couldn't understand that.

They said I should be glad that I was alive and that the baby was in perfect health. That the hell my body, mind, and soul had been through over the past seven months all I was left with was a hallowed out body and a baby that didn't want me. A baby that cried everytime I tried to to come in contact with her.

The following morning I had woken up with a headache and puffy eyes, crying myself to sleep had done that. I woke up deciding to get a grip. Instead of loathing the fact that I wouldn't be able to have any more children I was going to embrace the fact that Edward and I were blessed with our beautiful baby girl.

Edward helped me up from the bed, my incision pulling tightly causing me to yelp in pain with every step I took. I washed my hands and shuffled over to the baby. She was whimpering softly and sucking on her small fist looking absolutely adorable in every way. I lifted her tiny body up and against my chest and cringed at the piercing scream that emitted from her 'o' shaped mouth.

Immediately Edward was at my side taking her from me and talking calmly in an effort to sooth her while I shook and retreated as far away from them as I could. After a nurse came in to check my incision for any signs of infection or bleeding and helped me back into the bed Edward tried to put the baby back in my arms. The second his skin left hers, she screamed again flailing her fragile limbs in what looked like an effort to get away from me.

Edward tried to tell me that she was only hungry and the nurse coached me through her first feeding. Only the baby didn't latch on. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with me.

Me. Her mother. The one that went through hell and back for her. The one that almost died bringing her into this world and she wanted nothing to do with me.

So I handed her back to Edward and hadn't made an attempt to comfort her again.

It had been three weeks and I hadn't even looked at her for more than a few minutes at a time. If she didn't want anything to do with me then I wouldn't force her. All I wanted was for her to be happy and my staying away from her allowed her to be that way. Instead I allowed Edward to care for her. I didn't even accompany the happy duo to her first check up instead I sat in the bath tub until the water pruned my skin and my lips turned blue.

Edward told me that she was the perfect weight, perfect length perfect everything when he got home and I just frowned and retreated back to the bedroom. She was so perfect she could see that I wasn't good enough for her. All I did was ruin her perfectness. I hadn't touched my dresser because the basinet sat close to it, I didn't want to taint anything that belonged to her because deep down inside I wanted to make her happy.

When Edward went to work two weeks after we returned home, he would drop the baby off with his mother or Rose. He would work his shifts at the ER and go pick her up usually finding me in the same spot he left me in on the bed that morning.

I had lost all of the baby weight and then some. Rose worried when she saw my hip bones sticking out under the stained t shirt and a pair of underwear that had seen better days. She forced Edward to take me to the doctor where they decided that my case couldn't be classified as post partum depression, I was just in a funk that I would eventually grow out of.

Or everyone would grow tired of me and it would change.

I watched Edward grow more and more frustrated with me even though he tried very hard to contain it he would slip up every now and then.

'Bella why don't you take a shower?' he would ask in an effort to hide his repulsion of me and my disgusting body.

'Bella why don't you go downstairs and watch a movie while Scarlet naps?' probably wanting me to leave the two of them alone.

'Bella, I'm thinking about sleeping in the nursery with Scarlet so she doesn't wake you up at night?' after I refused to leave the bedroom for the tenth day in a row.

He didn't move into the nursery but started pushing me out to the living room stating that I needed to get out of the bedroom for a little bit, only he didn't feel the need to wake me if I fell asleep on the couch because I looked so peaceful. So instead of going to the bedroom to sleep that night, I stayed on the couch with the TV off, like it had been all day and the day before. A stale sandwich sat on the coffee table for two days, uneaten, untouched because for two days no one came to check on me.

Day three of being completely isolated my father pounded on the front door until I hauled my weak body up and shuffled to answer it. He grabbed me by my arm roughly and drug me to the bedroom. I watched as he knowingly went to the right side of the closet to get a dark blue duffle bag that I hadn't seen since we moved in and knew that until then it had been in the closet out in the hall. He threw clothes into the bag from the dresser and the closet before turning to me.

"Let's go." he spat angrily.

"Where?" I asked my voice cracking from lack of use.

"Your coming to stay with me until you feel better or whatever the hell is wrong with you goes away." he said walking to the door.

"I'm not leaving." I said sitting firmly on Edward's side of the bed ignoring the fact that my side of the bed was littered with baby paraphernalia.

"Bella this isn't healthy." he waved his hand around. "You're not healthy. Edward told me that you haven't eaten anything, haven't even tried to hold Scarlet."

I flinched when he said her name and he noticed.

"You remember Scarlet don't you? Your baby. Your daughter?" he asked. "What about Edward? You remember him? Is this your sick way of tearing him up like he tore you up? Because that's what you're doing Bella. He's doing all of this alone, working to pay the bills and practically being a single parent raising your daughter. What the hell are you doing Bella? You're practically a corpse." he sighed. "You're killing him. And me. You don't even realize it but it's affectiong your child as well."

Tears poured down my cheeks as I sat there and listened to him tally off the things I've done wrong in the past few weeks. I take it all in stride as he paces in front of me slapping his hand into his other one in frustration as he talks. I listen as he practically tells me that I'm completely ruining my life and the lives of everyone around me.

"I'm sorry." I whisper but he didn't hear me, instead he continues pacing and talking and I stand up. "I SAID I WAS SORRY!" I screamed causing him to jump.

"Sorry isn't going to cut it Bella." he sighed picking up the bag and gesturing for me to follow him.

"Then what the hell do you want? Seriously how am I supposed to get better when my daughter doesn't want me to fucking touch her? Huh? How am I supposed to get better when the father of my child looks at me in repulsion? How the hell am I supposed to get better when I have to watch him sooth her and calm her with a touch and I can't even get close to her without her freaking the fuck out?" I screamed the top of my lungs. "Get out."

"Bella. Edward wanted me to come talk to you." Charlie sighed.

"You've said your peace and I've said mine." I scoff. "You can call Edward and tell him to have Esme keep the baby because it's obvious that we need to talk."

Charlie merely nodded as he exited the room and I sighed in relief when I heard the front door close. I went and locked the front door and cleaned up the mess that I had left in the living room for the past week. After cleaning the plate that held my stale sandwich and the lone coffee cup that sat in the bottom of the sink I went and took a long shower letting the scolding water scorch me while I scrubbed my body raw, shaving my beastie legs and arms.

No wonder Edward was repulsed. I thought dryly as I rinsed the razor out for the zillionth time.

I walked past the tiny pink and yellow basinet that stood beside my dresser and steered clear of it, instead choosing to grab a pair of Edward's boxers and an old tee that I had hanging in the closet. I rolled the boxers over and over so that they would stay on my hips and the shirt was baggier than it was before I had gotten pregnant.

Knowing that Edward wouldn't get off of work for another hour I decided to try to eat something but my nerves got the best of me and the peanut butter and jelly sandwich tasted like dirt. I rinsed my mouth out with some water and sat in the quiet living room staring at the blank TV screen.

If Edward had been the one to call Charlie then he was obviously more frustrated than I thought.

I didn't know what to do about it. He didn't understand the panic that ensued every time she cried when I held her. All of the things that I had been through to have her. The drama, the stress, the fact that carrying her led to my not being able to ever have children again. I gave it all up for her, my baby and I wasn't good enough for her. She wasn't comfortable with me so how could I become comfortable with her?

I was brought out of my thoughts by the door closing softly. I could hear him taking off his jacket and the sound of his footsteps as he walked towards where I sat frozen on the couch with my arms wrapped around my knees.

"Charlie said that you wanted to talk." he stated sitting across from me on the chair.

"Yeah." I lamely replied.

"Well have at it." he spat folding his arms and sitting back.

"I'm sorry." I choked out. "I'm sorry that I've been acting the way I've been. It's just been hard for me to get a grip on everything that's going on and I haven't had time to process it."

"What is that supposed to mean Bella?" Edward asked leaning forward in the chair. "I've tried everything I can to help you and you still pull away from me. You won't even look at our daughter and it kills me knowing that there's nothing I can do to help you."

"She hates me." I snapped. "How can I look at her knowing that I've given so much up for and know that she hates me? How can I look at her knowing that the second I get too close she's going to start screaming bloody murder like I'm hurting her?"

"She doesn't hate you Bella." Edward sighed. "You were out for three days and the one time that you held her you ended up crying all over her. She feels everything you're going through. You're not the only one that's gone through this you know."

"I feel like I am." I sobbed. "I feel like I'm alone in this and before you say anything I know that I'm not the first woman to have this happen but that's exactly how I feel. I can't have any more children and the one that I do have can't stand the fact that I just want to be close to her. I want to worship the fact that she's my one and only. She only wants you."

"Bella, you're not alone in this. We both have to grieve over the loss of future children but at what cost?" Edward asked softly inching closer to me. "You're killing yourself by not eating. Our daughter is paying the price because I can't be both a mother and a father to her."

"I can't Edward." I cried swiping at the tears as they poured out of my eyes. "She doesn't want me."

"You don't see yourself clearly." he said softly walking towards me and walking over to me. "You're everything to her even if she cries it just means that she needs time to get used to you. You're practically a stranger to her baby."

"Bring her home." I sniffled. "Go get her and bring my baby home. Bring Scarlet to me."

"Come with me." Edward said. "Let's go get our baby."

I didn't change in my haste to get out of the house and into Edward's car. I didn't care if I looked like a hot mess which is what one of Rose and Emmett's kids called from their yard as I ran to the driveway pulling Edward a long with me. I fidgeted nervously as we drove across town and almost vomited in panic as we pulled up at the Cullen's gigantic monstrosity of a house.

Esme was sitting on the front porch holding a bundle of pink and white as I walked up the front steps she stood up.

"It's about time." she smiled sadly handing me Scarlet.

She whimpered a little from being jostled and opened her eyes. Dark brown mirrored my own as she stared up at me but didn't cry. I ran my finger down her cheek and she smiled.

"Hi baby." I whispered. "Sorry it took so long."