Bonjour all :) sorry it's a little later than planned! Thank you very much to everyone who takes the time to review, it means a lot and it lets me know what you guys enjoy. Here is instalment no.26, have fun reading!
Once again, I do not own the WWE or any of its employees. I only own Amber. I am in no way suggesting the story reflects real life, it is entirely fictional. Nor would I ever want any of this to ever be true - except maybe the snuggle parts :) It's just a made-up story. I also do not own any of the songs mentioned in this story at any point, I just like them. Thank you for reading.
I woke up, snuggled into his chest. I stroked it gently, opening my eyes, waiting to ask Wade what he wanted for breakfast. As my vision cleared up, I saw Mike breathing softly next to me. A wave of sadness crashed over me as I remembered what happened, and why it wasn't Wade that I was waking up next to. I looked up at Mike, seeing his sweet face, sound asleep next to me.
I noticed that it was only 6am and gently wriggled away from him, trying not to wake him. I was still wearing my shorts from yesterday so changed into some sweatpants and a jacket. I wondered downstairs, not sure what to do with myself.
I unlocked the back door and made my way into the garden, the sun just peeking over the horizon, birds chirping. I saw Mike's jump rope and grabbed it. I messed around with it for a while, trying some tricks and speed skipping, trying to get rid of my aggression through exercise. I quickly got tired and lay down on the grass, staring up at the now blue sky.
I lay on my back with my knees up and my hands resting on my stomach, just breathing the fresh air, trying to clear my thoughts. So many things were whirring around in my head. Was it my fault? Should I have been more sensitive? Should I have stayed with him on the beach all day? Was I being too friendly with the other guys? Did he really yell at Nikki? Does he hate me? Why did he have to be so grumpy and selfish?
I sighed, trying to push the thoughts to the back of my mind. I barely noticed the door open as Mike stepped out onto the grass in his pyjama bottoms. He lay down next to me, staring up at the sky too. "I can go back inside if you want; I was just worried when I woke up and you were gone…" he said quietly looking into the clouds.
"Sorry…I just needed some air" I sighed. "Stay…" I said as he sat up.
"Are you okay?" he asked sounding concerned. I nodded unconvincingly.
"Mike…" I started as he lay down again.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"I'm sorry…you know…for you having to deal with all of this again…" I whispered.
"Amber…why are you apologising? You're welcome to stay with me whenever you like…you're a really good friend…I don't like seeing you hurt…I want to help…" he smiled.
"I'm sorry though…for moping around you all the time…I don't want you to feel like I come running whenever stuff goes wrong with…him…" I squinted up at him, the sun blinding me.
"I'm your friend Amber, friends pick up the pieces when stuff goes wrong, you weren't moping yesterday, and we had fun" he said, giving me a hug.
I didn't want to bring it up, but what he said, the other night was playing on my mind. If he did feel something for me, and I wasn't egotistical enough to think he ever would, but if he did, was I leading him on? Was it unfair of me to lean on him when there was the possibility that he was supporting me because he felt something more? Mike's phone buzzed and snapped me out of my thoughts. I peeked over his shoulder. It was a picture message from Punk.
"Oh my God!" I squealed. In the picture, you could see Punk's head, he was grinning like an idiot, giving a thumbs up to the camera with the hand he wasn't using to hold his phone. And in the background, Kelly was sleeping next to him. "Oh my fucking God!" I squealed again, loving Punk's humour as well as the fact that they were kind of together now.
"Kelly's gonna fucking kill him if she sees that isn't she?" Mike laughed.
"Yeah, I'd have thought so…" I laughed.
"We're doing a house show in Orlando tonight but we don't have to be at the arena until like five, so do you want me to see if I can get Punk and Kelly to come out for lunch or something?" he suggested.
"Yeah, it'll be nice to get out with just a few of us" I smiled.
"Can we ask Heath and John if they want to come?" I asked.
"Yeah, you text those two and I'll text Punk" he winked. "Say, meet here at twelve okay?" he asked. I nodded and opened up my phone.
"Oh shit" I said. Mike saw my face fall.
"What's up?" he asked, trying to be casual.
"I have a voicemail…" I said slowly. He squeezed my hand reassuringly.
"Well text the guys first, then you can listen to it, if it upsets you, we'll all be here to cheer you up" he smiled.
"But I don't wanna be all upset and ruin the day…" I said worried.
"Stop it! You're not going to ruin anything, we're here to support you, just get on with it" he winked.
"Punk can always crack out the jokes…" he said. I laughed, knowing I could never get through everything, being away from home, all the drama, without these guys.
Hey Heathy-baby ;) we're going out to lunch, I want you to come :) keep it on the down low. What do you think? A x
That's a new one ;) How you feeling this morning missus? Yeah sounds like fun, who's 'we'? H x
I'm not too bad, you? That's good. Me, Mike, Punk, Kelly, you, John and possibly Lizzie I guess if everyone wants to go :) A x
I'm good :) Yeah, I'll be there. H x
Good, meet at Mike's at 12. A x
"Heath's coming" I told Mike. "Punk is too, he says he'll ask Kelly when she wakes up" he explained. "That's good" I smiled. I set about texting John.
Johnny, we're going out for lunch today, me, heath, mike, punk and possibly Kelly. Did you and Lizzie want to come? Would be nice to see you. A x
Yh I'll b ther, time + place?Did u leave early last nite, didn't c u go? J x
Good :) Meet at Mike's at 12. I did, I'll fill you in when you get here if you want. Lizzie coming? A x
Ok, sounds gd. Na, she's going bk 2 Boston 2 stay with my parents 4 a bit til I go bk nxt wk. C u l8er then. J x
"John's coming too, Lizzie's gone to Boston so she's not" I told Mike.
"Good good, sounds like we have a plan then" he smiled.
"Where are we going?" I asked him.
"My favourite restaurant here, it's called Columbia restaurant, they do flamenco shows and everything, it's pretty" he grinned.
"I'm gonna go start getting changed…" he smiled, giving me some privacy. I looked at my phone again. Should I listen to it? Or should I just delete it? I took a few deep breaths, calming myself before pressing the voicemail retrieval button.
"You have one new message" the automated voice said. "First message received at four am this morning…" It read. I braced myself, feeling the tears well up in my eyes when I heard his voice, even though I knew it could only be from him.
"Amber…its erm…Wade. I was worried you would just delete this, but knowing you, you probably thought about it and decided to see what I have to say. Thank you. I love you…I know I never act like it…I know I'm a dickhead…I'm sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me, not again. I make your life hell. I do care about you, more than you know…and sometimes the way I act is because I care. I push you away because I know you don't deserve to keep getting hurt…anyway…I am sorry…for what I said and how I acted. And Nikki…let's just say I told her where to go and she responded angrily…I know it doesn't change anything at all. I wouldn't blame you if you never talked to me again after the way I've treated you…I just didn't want you to think I don't care…okay…bye…I guess" the message ended.
The tears were rolling down my face the second he started speaking. I missed him so much. I knew the arguments were too much, that it wasn't working, but I wanted so desperately for it to be the way it was when we first met; the physical attraction, the emotional connection, the longing to be near each other. I pulled myself up from the grass, even though I wanted nothing more than to lie there all day and hide. I walked in, going upstairs to get changed. I showered and put on a cute floral playsuit with brown sandals and a chunky belt. I styled my hair and put on my waterproof make-up again, trying to hide what I felt on the inside.
I went back downstairs, finding Mike watching TV in the front room, Bailey, his black lab sat on his lap. He wore jeans and a blazer, smart but casual. I smiled a little at the scene in front of me, it was sweet. "You okay?" he asked, seeing my eyes were red.
"I'll survive" I said, stroking Bailey. He patted the seat next to him and I sat down.
"You look pretty" he smiled.
"Thank you" I said, returning his smile. I checked my watch, it was half past eleven. "What are you watching?" I asked, making sure to distract him from bringing up the voicemail.
"Two and a half men" he grinned. "You like?" he asked.
"Yes" I smiled. "Charlie Sheen is just a GENIUS" I laughed. We watched for a while, I cheered up a little.
Soon enough, the doorbell rang. Mike opened it and John and Heath greeted him at the door. Heath ran over and gave me a huge hug. "You okay?" he asked me.
"Yeah yeah, I'll be fine" I smiled. I hugged John. Mike got them some drinks while we waited for Punk and Kelly. Heath wore some tan shorts and a white t shirt while John wore jeans and a black shirt. I heard a car pull up and I ran outside, jumping on Punk before he even made it out of the car.
I pulled Kelly in too, squeezing them to death partly because they were two of my best friends, partly because I was excited about their blossoming relationship. Kelly beamed at me, looking even happier than usual. She wore a neon pink dress, mid-thigh length. Punk wore a black t shirt and a pair of jeans.
Kelly walked in first, giving Punk a chance to wink and ruffle my hair, realising I'd seen this morning's text. "You're so naughty" I laughed, nudging him in the ribs.
"I know…but the women love it" he winked again. We set off for the restaurant. It was beautiful when we arrived. We were able to sit outdoors in the sunshine. Pale stone and plants set a relaxing atmosphere as gentle music played. I needed to go to the bathroom so Kelly joined me, following the unwritten rule whereby girls never go alone.
"So…" I said grinning at her.
"What?" she giggled, pretending to be confused.
"You and Punk?" I said, failing to hide my delight.
"Oh…yeah" she beamed.
"What happened then?" I asked probing for more information.
"Well…last night, he told me that he still cares about me, and that he's never liked another girl in the same way since…the reason we broke up before was because I was moved to Smackdown and we barely saw each other, so now I'm on RAW, there's no reason not to try again" she smiled.
I hugged her. "I'm so happy for you" I smiled genuinely.
"Thank you…how are things with you and Wade?" she asked. I shook my head, not wanting to explain but not wanting to seem rude.
"I don't know…not good if I'm honest" I said quietly.
"Ohhh, babe…" she said sadly, hugging me; her women's intuition sensing I didn't want to go into more detail right now. "I'm here for you" she smiled as we returned to the table.
"So where's Wade?" Punk asked me before Mike had time to stop him. Kelly squeezed my arm supportively.
"At home I expect" I answered.
"Oh…" Punk replied, thinking he should back-track after spotting the looks he was getting from Mike and Kelly. John, totally oblivious, carried on.
"Didn't he want to come?" he questioned.
"I don't know, we didn't ask him" I shrugged. John's eyes widened as he cottoned on that there was a problem.
"Its okay guys, you don't have to treat me all sensitive, I don't want pity. We had yet another argument yesterday where he pretty much accused me of flirting with Mike, Punk and Randy and said I don't care. So I guess I'm not speaking to him right now…" I finished leaving an awkward silence.
"Oh well, it's his loss babe…" Kelly said, wrapping her arm around me. John looked embarrassed for bringing it up. The dull ache in my chest refused to budge; a constant reminder of how much it hurt to be away from him and feel so hurt. I distracted myself with conversation as we ate some of the best food I've ever tasted.
"Shit, you guys missed a lot last night" Heath laughed.
"What do you mean?" John asked him. "Well, Amber and Mike left early, then John and Lizzie disappeared, probably to write poetry together or whatever other soppy shit you two do…" he joked as we all burst out laughing.
"Fuck you Heath, you're just jealous cause no one wants to write poetry with you" John quipped back, causing everyone to erupt into laughter again. Heath pouted before continuing.
"Then Kelly and Punk disappeared…good job you did, it looked like you were just gonna rip each others clothes off and go at it round the campfire…" Heath said, as the tears of laughter rolled down my cheeks.
"I would have too, but she wouldn't let me…" Punk laughed as Kelly gave him a glare, softening her look as he winked at her.
"Get to the point" John laughed.
"Well, when you guys left, Randy got seriously drunk, like worse than I've ever seen him before…" Heath said, trying not to ruin the story by laughing before he finished. "Well, Vince is actually gonna kill him….he was drinking with these other guys who must have lived nearby cause they let him share their beer and they shaved his head, and his eyebrows" Heath said as I doubled over with laughter. "Oh and Justin totally made out with Layla" he said as our mouths fell open.
"Wow" I said. "Little Justin pulled" I remarked as we all laughed again.
We said goodbye for now and went our separate ways. Mike and I went back to his to collect our stuff for the show. "When do we move on?" I asked him.
"Tomorrow morning" he smiled. "To North Carolina" he explained. I made sure everything was in my bag for when we left, I didn't want to leave anything behind. "Mike… is it okay if I stay with you again tonight?" I asked feeling cheeky for asking.
"Amber course you can…I didn't mention it because you should know by now, you're welcome to stay whenever" he smiled. I hugged him.
"You know you're much nicer in real life…" I grinned.
"Not really though" he winked. "Just for you, I'm a total asshole when I want to be" he smiled.
"Good, I kinda like the cocky Miz too" I told him.
As we drove to the arena, something hit me. What was I doing tonight? I knew I'd be singing, as always, but would we continue the storyline even for the house show? Would I have to go out there with him? My breathing sped up at the thought and Mike noticed. "What's wrong?" he asked, watching the road ahead, hands resting casually on the wheel as we sped down the freeway.
"What if I have to work with him tonight?" I said quietly. "What do I do?" I asked; a pleading tone to my voice.
"You're stronger than you think Amber…you go out there and you do your job. Outside of it, you do whatever makes you happy" he smiled.
"But…I don't know if I can look at him….without…" I said, failing to finish my sentence. "You can Amber; you can do anything you put your mind to. Just pretend it's someone else. I know it's easy for me to say…but I know you'll be fine…I promise" he smiled.
I carried my bag across the car park and waved goodbye to Mike for now. I changed in the divas locker room, wearing my floral maxi dress. I quickly did something with my hair and make-up before Beth walked in. She hugged me.
"We need a catch up" she smiled. I checked my watch; I still had an hour before I had to perform. I told her everything; she had a quality about her, which made me open up to her freely. I felt better, being able to express everything to someone, to tell her all the questions I didn't know the answers to. She sat and listened patiently and pondered the situation for a while.
"I can tell you're really hurting…but I think you still love him. I understand why you're confused" she said hugging me and handing me a tissue. "You need to do what's best for you, whatever you choose is going to be hard…I'm here if you want advice, or just a friendly pair of ears" she told me placing her hands either side of my face. "You're special Amber, don't let any man ever make you lose faith", and with that she left for her match.
I made myself look presentable again and went for a walk around the arena. I bumped into Justin who pulled me aside to talk. "Shane told me to tell you that tonight you'll be valet for our match against 'apple'" he said tentatively.
"Shit" I sighed. "I know…" he said looking away. "What do you 'know?'" I asked him confused. "Well you and Wade clearly have something going on right now, he's been moping all day and you haven't been staying at his, Heath told me…" he explained, hoping I wasn't mad at the intrusion.
"Yeah, you hit the nail on the head there" I said quietly. "Don't shoot the messenger…but he has to drag you out to the ring and when you try to leave, he's supposed to throw you on the floor…" he said, bracing himself for possible shouting.
"Fuck" I said, banging my head against the wall.
"Then Randy comes out and beats them up and talks for a bit about how they injured his best friend…" he finished.
"Great" I said sarcastically. "Thanks for telling me anyway" I hugged him. "Heard you got lucky yesterday" I winked at him.
"Shit, did Heath tell everyone?" he sighed angrily.
"Proud of you Justykins" I winked. "Get in there son" I said as we laughed. It was soon time to perform, tonight I was singing Clare Maguire's The Shield and The Sword - little known in the US but a song I hoped would showcase my vocal talents. I bit my lip, trying to distract myself from the emotional pain as I stood on the entrance ramp and sang.
"You have the shield, I'll take the sword, I no longer love you, no longer love you. I'm not afraid of danger in the dark, I no longer love you, no longer love you". It was tough to get through the song, but I hoped my emotions channelled into the song and made it a better performance. The crowd cheered as I left the stage, glad that I'd at least done well in one of my two appearances that night.
I waited around with Kelly until I had to go out with them. She reassured me and by the time it came around, I felt as composed as I'd ever be. I made my way behind the curtain as late as I possibly could, avoiding him for as long as possible. The second I saw him, leaning against the wall waiting for the match, I fell to pieces inside. I refused to make eye contact, standing closely to Heath. I knew I had to do it; it was just tough to force myself.
The entrance music struck and I saw Wade give me a sad, longing look before gently taking hold of my wrist. My skin burned like fire at his touch, the same feeling echoed on his face. We walked out of the curtain, Wade last, dragging me behind him. The crowd booed, especially loudly when they saw Wade pulling me along behind him.
I tried to watch as little of the match as I could, distracting myself with adjusting my dress or watching Evan or Santino hype up the crowd. I decided now was as good a time as any to pretend to make my kayfabed escape. I looked around and jogged towards the ramp. As if he'd been watching me constantly, Wade was on me in seconds, spinning me around.
"Where do you think you're going?" he snarled in character. I screamed as he pulled me back to their corner and threw me to the floor. I had to act well; he didn't push me very hard. Randy's music struck as he flew down the ramp, laying into Wade with punches and kicks. The match ended, The Corre winning by disqualification. Zeik and Wade were clearly still livid at each other but were putting their jobs first and getting on with it. Two security people helped me up the ramp, Wade followed after his beating was done and Randy talked to the crowd about John. The second we were out of sight of the audience, I walked back towards the locker room as fast as I could.
My heart sank as I heard him follow. "Amber! Wait! Did you get my message?" he asked desperately.
"I did" I replied bluntly. "Please go away Wade" I asked him, trying to keep my emotions in check.
"Talk to me, even if it's to tell me you hate me…please, just talk to me for five minutes" he begged.
I pulled him into the nearest locker room. I looked at him, a hundred emotions coursing through every cell of my body. "Amber…I'm sorry…" he whispered.
"For what?" I asked emotionlessly.
"For hurting you, for saying stupid things…" he answered carefully.
"Why do you keep doing it then?" I asked, feeling my grasp on my composure slipping.
"I love you…and I don't deserve you…it's eating away at me…what I did…you don't deserve to be cheated on Amber…I push you away because I love you…and sometimes, my disgust at myself, for ever doing that to you…it gets projected onto you. I'm so sorry…I fucked it up…" he said reaching for my arm.
I stepped away, tears dripping from my eyes. "No Wade…I'm sorry…" I whispered as he looked up at me. There were tears in his eyes too. "I love you…I do…but I think we need a break…I need to clear my head…assess whether I really want this. I think you need to assess whether you want this too…" I said, turning away. He grabbed my wrist.
"I'll do whatever it is you want…I love you so much Amber…if you want to take a break…then you should…I only have myself to blame" he said placing a soft, lingering kiss on my hand. He let go and my hand fell to my side.
I left him, head in his hands on the bench as I walked back up the corridor, tears streaming down my face. I'd never felt hurt like this before…was this the end of us?
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