Chapter 25:
John Phillip au Farrare
A few days later Lola, Penelope, and Melissa drove to that dressmaker John Phillip au Farrare's place.
"So this Farrare person is totally famous?" Lola asked. She was still trying to comprehend the name John Phillip au Farrare.
"He's huge," Penelope said.
"You've never heard of his line L'Amour by Farrare? I have closets full of his stuff!" Melissa was serious when she said "closets." She had two closets in her room and used the ones in the guest bedrooms. Since she was a model she naturally had a lot of clothes.
"Yeah I've heard of it. I just never paid any attention to it." Her phone vibrated. She checked the text message from Bugs. She laughed.
"What?" Penelope and Melissa asked.
Lola turned to Melissa. "Bugs told me your boyfriend got blasted by Fudd twenty six times!"
Penelope giggled. "That's pretty sad."
Melissa crossed her arms. "Only because your 'fiancé' abuses him!"
Lola snorted. "Maybe if your boyfriend had some common sense he could keep that beak of his attached to his face!"
A few minutes later she got another text from Bugs. "Aw."
"What?" Penelope and Melissa asked.
"Uh, it's kinda personal," Lola said. She texted something "personal" back to him.
"Can you two go 2 hours without talking to each other?" asked Penelope.
Lola shook her head. "Nope."
Soon they drove up to a fifteen story glass building that reflected the sunlight in all directions. The doors looked like pure gold and in gold letters it said L'amour by Farrare.
Lola figured you had to be loaded to even be able to breathe on a place like this. "How rich is he?"
"He's just got a couple dozen thousand billion!" Penelope squealed.
"Dang, he's richer than Bugs," Lola commented..
Inside there was a marble floor and expensive looking artwork lined the walls. Smack in the center of the lobby was a reception desk and at that reception desk was a woman who looked like she'd had a lot of work done if you know what I mean. The first thing Lola thought when she saw her was, "That face cannot be real."
The lady was on several phone. "L'amour by Farrare please hold, L'amour by Farrare please hold." Then she saw them and put down the phones. "Welcome to L'amour, how may I help you?"
Lola stepped forward. "Uh, hey, Lola Bunny." She gestured to Penelope and Melissa. "These two dragged me here. They say this Farrare dude is some genius who can make my wedding dress. Honestly, how can you take a guy named John Phillip au Farrare seriously?"
Penelope and Melissa's mouths dropped. She did not just say that!
Lola looked at the nameplate on the desk. "So Miss Lumpy…Lumpier. Miss Lumpier if you could just point me to this crazy Farrare guy…"
Miss Lumpierre held up her hand. "Shush!"
Lola looked insulted. She turned to Penelope and Melissa. "She just shushed me!"
"Ahem, fifteenth floor first door on the left," the lady said.
"Yeah thanks," Lola said.
Once they got on the elevator Penelope and Melissa started laughing.
"What?" Lola asked.
"I cannot believe you said that!" Penelope said.
"Said what?"
"It's pronounced Lumpy-air not Lumpy-er!" Melissa exclaimed.
"Well maybe she shouldn't have a name that can be so easily mistaken for Lumpy-er!"
After they got off they went to the first door on the left. Inside was every fashion designers dream. There were huge rolls of every color fabric and design you could think of, there was a few cabinets on each wall, there was a walk in closet, miniature runway, the biggest sewing machine you will ever see in your life (it looked like it could take an arm, leg, and another arm off!), and a HD stereo.
Then this tall man who looked like he was in his mid sixties with slicked back jet black hair, a black and hot pink suit, designer glasses, and Italian shoes came over to them.
"Ah Penelope Pussycat! Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour! It's been a while hasn't it? My you're looking lovely. Come sit ladies, si vous plais!"
He led them over to a leather couch with wine glasses on the coffee table. "So Miss Penelope what can I do for you today?"
"Well Mr. Farrare, I'm not here for myself today. My friend needs some of your expert skills," Penelope said.
Farrare turned to Melissa thinking she was the one that needed the "expert skills." He brushed his hand across her cheek. "Beautiful girl, the face is flawless. I will enjoy working with this one."
Melissa blushed. "Actually sir, as much as I would enjoy working with you Lola is actually the one we've come here for."
Lola gave him a sarcastic smile and wave. She suddenly felt like a fish out of water. Everyone was dressed so nicely and everything in the room was fancy. And here she sat slumped on the couch in ripped up and worn baggy jeans, a bright green PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR! t-shirt. She sat up and fixed her posture so she wouldn't feel so out of place.
Farrare studied her. He squinted. "This one could use some work."
Lola looked insulted again. She took a mirror our of her purse. "What's wrong with my face?" There wasn't a single blemish on her face and the little bit of make up she put on was done neatly. She didn't get it.
"So what can I get her, some shoes, my new line of handbags." He pinched her cheek. "A make-over?"
Lola moved his hand out of her face. "Uh, actually I'm just here for a wedding dress."
Farrare swooned. "Ah love is in the air! So who's the lucky guy if you don't mind me asking?"
"Bugs Bunny."
"Bugs Bunny, eh? Great guy."
"You know him?" Melissa asked.
"Yes of course. I custom made a suit for him when he won his first Grammy." He pulled Lola off the couch. "Alright mademoiselle, let me show you my latest and greatest wedding dress."
He showed her a picture of a frilly white and black dress with a huge collar, and an incredibly long train.
Lola thought it was a little too much and she didn't like the coloring. Before she could say anything he grabbed her arms and spun her around really fast about six times.
When she'd stopped spinning she almost fell. "Hey! What was that for you…" she was now wearing the dress. She stared at Farrare. "How did you do that?"
Farrare examined a spot on his hand. "I have that kind of money." He looked at her hopefully. "Is this your dress mademoiselle?"
Lola shook her head. "Sorry Farrare but I don't think this is it."
Melissa got up and went over to them. "Try something fairy taleish!"
"Who do you think I am, Cinderella?"
"Actually I have just what you're looking for. A gorgeous Cinderella dress." Farrare came up behind Lola and dumped a bucket of sand on her head.
Lola coughed and waved it away. "What was that for?"
Farrare pushed a mirror in front of her. She saw she was now wearing a blue dress just like Cinderella's. She started to walk towards Farrare. "Mr. Farrare I'm not a…ah!" She fell on the floor and her glass slipper fell off. She picked up the shoe and there was a crack in it. "You were serious when you said Cinderella huh? Can we try something else? I don't need my shoes falling off when I'm walking down the aisle."
"Of course madam," Farrare said.
Melissa looked up from the catalog. "Try this!" she said pointing to a big red dress that looked like something from the Renaissance..
"No Farrare…"
Before she could finish Farrare smacked her on the head with a giant mallet!
She fell to the floor. She rubbed her head and looked angrily at Farrare. "OWW! What the heck did you do that for? What the freak is wrong with you, you crazy…" Farrare turned her towards the mirror. She stared at the hideous Renaissance dress. "Take it off!"
"Yes madam. But you'll love this next one." Farrare pushed Lola into the closet and pulled her right back out sending her flying across the room. She caught herself before she hit the wall. She turned to the mirror and saw she was now wearing a pink and blue corset, a short pink skirt and a see through long pink skirt over it, and a long blue veil.
"I think it's beautiful," Penelope said dreamily.
"Mr. Farrare, as much as I think this is better than all the other ones it's really not what I'm looking for," Lola said.
Melissa was standing near the design racks. She saw the same outfit Beyonce wore for "Single Ladies". "This is Beyonce's outfit."
"Oui. I designed it for her," Farrare said.
Penelope smiled. "Get out!"
"Really young ladies, I did." He spun around and when he stopped he was wearing a black leotard, heels, and a robotic arm with a ring on it. Then he pressed a button on his remote and the stereo turned on and played "Single Ladies."
Melissa got up and danced with Farrare like there was nothing strange about an old man in a leotard dancing to Beyonce.
Lola and Penelope however just stared.. Lola had figured this man was nuts and now this totally confirmed it. An old man dancing to "Single Ladies" was not on her top ten list of things she wanted to see.
"If you like it then you should've put a ring on it!
If you like it then you should've put a ring on it!
Don't be mad once you see that he won it…!"
Lola shut off the music. This was too much for her eyes.
"Hey!" Melissa exclaimed.
"Um, thank you Farrare but I really don't think we need to see anymore," Lola said.
Farrare quick changed back to his suit and Italian shoes and smoothed his black hair. "As you can see, I cross dress as fast as your husband." He clapped his hands together. "Okay next dress."
Melissa pointed to another dress in the catalog. It was an elaborate lacey white dress with about a hundred layers.
Farrare pushed Lola into his miniature lake. She came out miraculously dry but she felt like she was carrying a million pounds on her hips. "Maybe something else?"
Melissa found another dress. "How about…"
"MELISSA!" Lola yelled.
"What?"
"Stop helping!"
"This isn't for you.. I found the perfect dresses for the bridesmaids." She showed Lola and Penelope a picture of a floor length pink spaghetti strap dress that came with pink pearl bangle bracelets and pink pearl necklaces.
"That's lovely," Penelope said. "Do you like it Lola?"
Why can't it be this easy to find my dress? Lola really did like it though. She nodded. "Yes. I like it."
"Do you want to try that on?" Farrare asked.
Lola shook her head.. She wanted to get out of there as fast as possible and didn't want to waste any time. "No! I mean, I think it's perfect. There's no need to try it on."
Farrare did many other things to her (pushed her around, hit her on the head, etc.) and made her try on tons of dresses. She didn't like any of them. They were either too big, too tight, too ugly, you name it. Finally she couldn't take anymore. She needed a break… and maybe a different dress maker who didn't torture her.
"STOP!" she shouted after the thirty fifth dress. "I'm sorry Mr. Farrare but I haven't seen one dress so far that I like. We've been here all afternoon. Maybe we should just take a break and come back another day."
Farrare's face turned angry. "Excuse me? EXCUSE ME? Did you come into my shop? Did you ask me for my genius skills? No one and I mean NO ONE leaves John Phillip au Farrare without finding what they're looking for. You want your wedding dress? SO SIT DOWN!"
Lola, Melissa, and Penelope sat back on the couch.
"Okay," Penelope said.
"Sorry," Melissa said.
"Chill out dude," Lola said.
Farrare regained his composure and picked up the catalog. He handed it to Lola. "See if there's anything you like se vous plais."
After a few minutes in the back of the book Lola found an absolutely gorgeous dress. Not like any of the crazy things she'd been trying on for the past three hours. It was a lacey white dress with sleeves that hung off the shoulders. The skirt had about five layers and the bottom of it was lined with a red rose design. There was a white veil with a diamond tiara. And it had long lacey white gloves.
She showed it to Farrare. "This is the one. Why couldn't you just give me this before?"
Farrare ignored the question and pulled her out off the couch. He smacked her on the head with the mallet again.
"OW! You really need to stop doing that. You could give someone a head injury that way!" She looked in the mirror. It was absolutely gorgeous!
"Lovely dress mademoiselle. Absolutely darling." He pushed her into the closet and she was back into her jeans and t-shirt.
Lola picked up the dress. "Well I guess I'll just take this now…''
Farrare snatched it back. "You can't take it home today."
"Why?"
"Because it needs some alterations," Farrare said. He threw the dress onto his sewing table.
Lola wasn't too keen on the idea of "alterations." Especially Farrare's. "Alterations?" she asked nervously.
"Oh just a few cuts and snips there, nothing extreme."
Lola exhaled with relief. "So when can I take it home?" she asked.
"Um, come back next week."
"Okaay."
Before they left Melissa had one question for Farrare. "Um, Mr.. Farrare I was wondering if you could custom make me a gorgeous outfit. I just love your work and…"
"Say no more Miss Duck. How about you come in next week and we can talk." He pulled a purple piece of paper out of his pocket. "Here's my card."
Melissa took the card and a big smile spread across her face. I'm gonna have a designer outfit from the master, she thought.
"C'mon Melissa, we should go," Lola said.
Farrare pulled Lola back. "Miss Bunny, am I invited to your wedding?"
Lola sure didn't want him at her wedding. She could just see him turning everyone into VIBE Magazines swimsuit edition. She cringed at the thought. "I'll let you know." Then she turned to leave.
Lola was thankful to get in the car and leave.
"I told you he was great!" Penelope said.
"Great? Pfft, talk about a total lunatic!" Lola said.
"We're all lunatics Lola," Melissa pointed out.
"Yeah I know but this guy is worse than Daffy Duck!"
"Ow, that's harsh," Melissa commented.
"He hit me in the head 6 times! And what sixy year old man wears a leotard and heels and dances to BEYONCE?"
"Okay so he's a little weird. Minor setback. The best part is that you've got a beautiful wedding dress!" Penelope said.
Lola leaned back in her seat. "Okay fine. I'll give you that one."