Physical Attraction, Chemical Reaction
Chapter 25 - You Hold My Breath, Heart and Soul
After their breakdown and promises they quickly finished their shower and changed into new clothes. He had helped her with everything from drying her body with the towel to brush her hair as soon as she was dressed. That was the only thing that made him feel better and she could sense it. He needed to be there for her even if only for the smallest things. He wanted to make up for the pain she was still feeling regardless of whom or what caused it as they blamed their own pain to themselves instead of each other. She was precious to him and it was his mission to take care of her.
It helped him with the pain and it helped him with the guilt. Her forgiving heart was touching. He couldn't forget a word of what he had said to her when they met in the front yard and still all she could remember was his hurt eyes. Elena was indeed special and unique. He knew he didn't deserve someone as kind hearted but he wouldn't question the reasons why she fell for him. Everything that mattered was that she loved him back and that she was willing to make them work.
Elena let Damon do whatever he wanted. She could see the love and care with which he did everything for her. He was so sweet and sensitive that she couldn't be more thankful for having such an amazing man in love with her. She didn't blame him for his strong reaction. He was new in all of this after all and she had lied to him when she knew she shouldn't have, when she didn't need. If there was a person that would give her all time and space, it was Damon. He had always done everything he could for her and she knew she could count on the man in front of her.
As she watched him getting dressed, after she was ready, she contemplated how her life changed in less than one month. She was hopeless when she met him. She was cold and bitter and no matter how intense the pain she had at that moment was she still thought she was in a better place than before she had met him. Damon Salvatore had changed her life for better and for good.
"Are you ready?" he asked and offered her his hand. She nodded and a small curve in her lips appeared but it wasn't yet a smile.
A breath of relief took the house as Damon and Elena walked downstairs holding hands. Whatever had they talked and decided at least they were pacifically together though their faces showed that happiness wasn't invited. At least not yet.
"Uncle Dammy! Auntie Elena!" the kids celebrated loudly.
"I don't know how Elena had become their favorite person within just one day" Katherine whined as she helped Stefan to get the dishes on the table.
"Jealous much, aren't we?" Stefan asked and completed "Can you imagine if Elena and Damon get married? We'll have to ensure they won't kidnap and adopt our kids" Stefan let the joke slip but the moment Katherine nudged him he knew he had said too much though neither Elena nor Damon seemed affected by it.
"The kids are great and I'm sure they can give a piece of their heart to everybody" Elena suggested light heartedly.
"As long as my share keeps being the biggest one, I have no objection" Damon offered bringing Jayden to his lap "Uncle Dammy loves it too much, he loves!" he tickled the thirteen months old in the stomach and Elena watched with a tender gaze.
"How did it go?" Katherine whispered to the brunette as she watched Damon playing with Jayden.
"Traumatizing to say the least but we won't give up" she smiled weakly as her eyes got teary.
"I'm here for you. You don't need to go through this alone, okay?" Katherine offered hugging the writer.
"How about we eat?" Stefan suggested and everybody agreed.
Dinner was nice. The kids brought happiness to the house and for some moments Elena and Damon had forgotten what happened to them. Every now and then she would think of what it would be to have a family like that. Every now and then she would remember of her former plan of adopting a girl, especially as she watched Alyssa being such lovely and sweet towards her and Damon.
"Auntie Lena tuck me?" Elijah asked as he yawned. It was past their bed time even though they had served dinner earlier than usual on Thanksgiving because of the children.
"Me too!" Gabriel quickly asked too.
"Will my princess give me the honor?" Damon asked to Alyssa who was sitting on his lap ever since they had moved to the living room.
"Is it okay if Auntie Elena comes too?" she pleaded and Damon couldn't resist to her puppy face neither doing something like that with Elena.
"It is perfect" Damon agreed kissing her forehead.
"I'm going to tug Jayden. I have to take my chances while he doesn't ask for Uncle Dammy and Auntie Lena. I'm so not ever talking to you if he learns your name before mine, Elena" Katherine pouted taking her godson upstairs.
"Don't ever take Kat seriously, Elena. She loves to play this part but the kids are crazy about her and she knows it" Stefan assured Elena.
"You guys have a great thing here" she shyly commented as she took Elijah's and Gabriel's hands to walk them to his bed "Thanks for sharing it with me"
"I thank you Elena. You're so great to the kids and Dan was right, you're lovely" Stefan smiled to the brunette who blushed. She was flattered by such love and concern the whole family held for her even though they just met. She knew Damon played a great part in this as he probably said a lot of things about her and once again it warmed her heart. He truly admired and loved her in such a way that she wasn't even sure if she was deserving.
"Do you want me to carry you, Elijah?" Elena asked and the little boy that was almost sleeping just nodded, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.
"Let's go" she said as she took the boy in her arms, getting Gabriel by the hand.
"Thank Kat for me, Stef. I don't know what would have happened if she wasn't there for her today. Thanks for taking care of her and thanks for bringing her back to me" Damon quietly thanked his brother.
"That's what family is for. See you tomorrow" he hugged him and watched as he took Alyssa upstairs.
As they entered her room he asked the little girl to get changed into her pajamas and wait for him and Elena.
"Did you forgive Elena, Uncle Dammy?" Alyssa asked before her uncle left her bedroom.
"Yes, Princess. What I did to her today was very bad. I accepted her apologies and she accepted mine" he explained as he brushed her hair with his fingers before leaving the room and promising to be back soon.
He thought Elijah was probably already sleeping and headed straight to Gabriel's room where he guessed Elena would be.
"Uncle Dammy!" the four-year old greeted excitedly.
"Do you need any help here?" he asked Elena kissing the top of her head as he took the boy in his arms "Ready to sleep buddy?"
"We were picking a story from the bookshelf" Elena explained standing up from the boy's bed giving Damon space to lay him down.
"And what did you get?" Damon asked as he helped Gabriel with his pajamas.
"Goodnight Moon though I guess it could be Goodnight Gabriel" Elena nodded towards Gabriel that was blinking heavily already.
Damon carefully laid Gabriel on the bed and Elena sat by the little boy's side as she started to tell him the story. It was obvious that Elena never tucked anyone to sleep or in the case she did it to her goddaughter it wasn't really with the intention of making her sleep. She was so excited telling Gabriel the story that her voices and gestures sort of woke the boy instead of leading him to sleep.
"Hun, the purpose here is to make him sleep not the other way around. Leave your amazing acting skills for tomorrow when he's wide awake" he leaned down and whispered in her ear folding his arms around her chest while his chin rested on her shoulder.
"Oops" she muttered looking up at him with an apologetic and innocent face that melted his heart as he stayed in the comforting position attached to her body.
She lowered down her voice tone and kept her gestures to a soothing hand in the little boy's hair and a couple of minutes later he was already sleeping. "Good night, Mini-Dammy" she kissed his hair softly and stood up.
Damon stretched his hand to her and whispered "Alyssa is still waiting for us" Elena nodded and took his hand as they headed to the girl's room.
"I thought you forgot me" Alyssa lightly pouted as she saw the couple entering the room.
"How could we forget you, Priss? You too special and beautiful for us to forget you" Elena offered her sweet smile as she tapped the girl's noise softly which melted Damon's heart once again.
Alyssa smiled shyly to Elena and then looked at her uncle that held an adoring gaze on the woman he loved and even for a five-year old it was evident that he cared a lot about Elena.
"Are you getting married?" she asked with a mischievous but yet sweet smile.
"Now where did that come from?" Elena arched her eyebrow though she bit her lip just after she spoke. She surely didn't know how to answer the little girl and she tried not to look at Damon to ask for help because she didn't know if help was what she would get from him.
"Well you were holding hands and then Daddy said you were getting married" she shrugged innocently as if it was the most obvious thing.
"Oh Honey, your Daddy was kidding" Damon added but his heart was anything like his careless voice. The simple mention of Elena and he getting married was enough to make his heart rush in his chest. No matter how much they felt hurt right now and how everything seemed too painful, marrying her was still what he wanted most in his life. Before all this mess came he had thought a couple of times of the best scenarios. Just like he had thought about the worst ones. In the best scenarios he would visit her today in Mystic Falls, they would have a great day together and she would accept to come to his house. He would end the night on the porch confessing his love to her to which she would just match and they would kiss passionately.
In his mind after they had finally confessed their feelings he would ask her to marry him as soon as he was sure she was ready to say yes or at least not freak out by his proposal. He didn't want to go any further day without having her and in this dream it wouldn't take her too much time, maybe a month or two, to be ready to be asked the question that he had wanted so much to say.
Even though the day was nothing like he had dreamed of and even worse than he had ever imagined his intentions hadn't changed. He still wanted to marry the woman that was tucking in his niece with him but now he was the one who wasn't ready for this though he doubted that she was anywhere ready too.
"We like if you get married" she sleepy girl offered after the brief silence.
"We who?" Elena chuckled nervously. Now definitely wasn't the best time for Alyssa to bring up this subject when Damon and she had yet to figure out how they would try to fix it.
"The boys and I but I guess Mommy, Daddy are team Delena too" and the same smile as before was on the little girl's face again. She had loved Elena not because of the gifts though she had loved them but because Elena was so kind to her and so nice. She reminded Alyssa of her own mother when she treated them with such affection. And she gave them nicknames and she presents and she played with them and she was funny; the little girl thought.
"Actually she calls me Salmon" Damon let it slip and he now looked to the woman that sat across from him on the girl's bed.
"Salmon is funny" Alyssa laughed out loud.
"So do you want us to read a story to you?" Elena suggested turning her attention to the girl that was fighting to keep awake with the two people she liked so much even if one of them she just met recently.
"Yes. I want you to tell me how you met" she blinked heavily and both Elena and Damon looked up from the girl to each other. That was definitely a night they wouldn't ever forget and now thinking about it they realized that fate brought them together. There was no way for them to escape each other.
"That's a good one, Princess" he offered but his eyes were still locked with Elena's who just muttered "Really good"
"But how about we tell you tomorrow? It is long and I don't want you to lose sleep over it" he suggested and the little girl just nodded.
"I will fill you in with all details and how great Uncle Dammy was" Elena whispered softly as she rubbed the little girl's hair knowing that with that soothing her words and caressing the she would be a goner very soon "And I will let you ask me all questions you have and Uncle Dammy will tell you his version and all"
"I guess you learn fast" he whispered nodding to the already sleeping girl.
She only nodded and leaned to kiss Alyssa's hair, to which Damon just followed suit. They stood up and left the girl's room and headed to theirs.
"You're great with them just as I imagined you would be" he confessed as they reached for her door.
"Still not half good as you are" she replied with a smile that was totally hers and that he missed so much. It reminded him how special she was. She was his Kitten even though he couldn't bring himself to use the nickname that he loved so much. He couldn't explain what he felt. At the same time that he was relieved to know that they forgave each other and were willing to give it a try he was yet lost and unsure around her. He didn't know how to act and some things just didn't seem right no matter how much he wanted them to be. And one of those things was being his old self around her especially if she wasn't being her old self around him either.
"I've been doing this for almost six years so I guess I've had some practice" he nervously and weakly smiled and Elena knew it was just as hard for him as it was for her. Somehow it was easier to behave around other people. It was as if the others had actually distracted them from the unavoidable situation they had to handle. For some moments during the dinner and now tucking in the kids everything seemed just perfect as before though these moments were too ephemeral.
"Do you want to come in?" she offered shyly and insecurely and he could tell that she was unsure about it.
"No, come here" he stretched his hand for her to take and she complied following him downstairs.
He brought her to the porch that she had spent so many painful minutes earlier in that day.
"I've forgotten how beautiful the sky is from North Carolina"
"Yeah, it is beautiful but I'm still more dazzled by your beauty" he rubbed her cheek and admired her flawless face and for a moment she had her Damon back. The complimenting and gentle Damon she learned to love so fast. His eyes spoke much louder than his words and she was relieved to know that even briefly he could look at her like he used to.
A silence followed his tender words and they were back to the moment where they didn't know what to do. All they wanted to do was to forget the guilt for each other's pain.
"I'm sorry" she muttered as her head leaned on his chest.
"About what?" he asked confused.
"It's just that all this makes me nervous. I'm scared and I know I'm not a teenager who just had sex for the first time. Damn this is not even the first time I fell in love but it still scares me. All those feelings that I thought I wouldn't have for someone else and the fear of where those feelings are going to take me this time. I wish I could just take a leap of faith and forget about everything else but you but I don't know how to go there. That's why I lied. I'm damaged, Damon and I don't even know to which extent and now I can't get over the fact that I hurt you that badly" she admitted how she felt for him for the first time. They had talked about her past and how she had been hurt and while he could have a pretty good idea of her fears and pain it was the first time that she confessed it clearly. Her voice was muffled by the tears that rolled as she talked and her eyes were so desperate and in pain that Damon was taken aback.
"It's okay Elena. I told you I have your back, remember? You can count on me, Honey, you can always count on me. I've made the mistake of not understanding you once and I won't do it again" he kissed her head and took a step back to look at her beautiful and vivacious chocolate eyes. She was absolutely gorgeous and her eyes were even prettier when she cried though he surely preferred if she never dropped a tear again because it broke his heart.
"But this is not fair Damon. You're ready to live this even if we still have some work to do from where we are now, you're ready for this. I thought I was, I came here trusting that I wanted to have this with you and while I didn't change my mind about it I'm still tempted to run especially because I hurt you in the process and I'm sure that's not the last time I'm going to be compelled to screw things up. I wish I could control it. I trust you with my life but still I don't trust me and I definitely don't trust me with your life" she looked down ashamed and also frustrated. The voice in the back of her mind was relentless. It warned her all the time that she would hurt him and that she would get hurt. She tried her best to fight against the fears that she had lived with for so many years and while she thought she made some serious progress by coming to Raleigh and not giving up when things got nasty she still knew she had a long way ahead of her. A long way for her to be relaxed about being in a relationship again.
Damon wrapped his arms around the body of the woman he loved so much "Give it time, Elena, things will work out, just give it time and for now I'm thankful that I'm holding you instead of being in my house imagining how much I hurt you while you were on your way back to New York. For now I'm forever thankful for you to be facing your fears and staying here with me after all the pain I caused you"
"You have no idea of how many times I dreamed about this, most of them awake" she closed her eyes as she snuggled into his chest looking for her spot. Even if they were stood up there was this special place that seemed to fit her head perfectly and from where she could listen his heart beating.
"Yeah, I know. I craved for your touch, for your lips, for your smell and for having you in my arms just like now" his trademark grin almost making its way to his face. Not that he wasn't happy for having his Elena in his arms because he was but it wasn't like he wanted it to be. He didn't want them to have this battle to simply stand there like that. He didn't want to feel her tears soaking his shirt. Except if those were happy tears.
"I had so many plans" her eyes stood closed as a small smile showed in her face "Actually I would call them dreams"
"What have you dreamed about us?" he asked curious, though he had also dreamed so many things about them.
"That I would spend an amazing weekend with you and your family and that we would take the kids to the zoo and then take a walk in the park just like we did in New York. We would cuddle in your sister's perfect motherly southern living room and we would tell many stories to the kids" her smile was now broad and if her eyes were open she would see his famous and die-for grin finally found that its back to his beautiful face. "And then we would fly back to New York as the most annoyingly happy people ever"
"I like the way you think" he finally leaned down to kiss her and after sharing such great plans their kiss taste and feelings changed drastically from the ones they had shared before. It was sweet and intense as it had used to be and in that very moment it was filled with hope and love.
Elena and Damon felt in their hearts that after the weirdness was passed they would resume what they had until two weeks ago.
They didn't deepen the kiss. That wasn't what they were looking forward at least not in that moment. People used to say that there is nothing more intimate than a passionate kiss and that was what Elena and Damon shared in that moment. Their hearts were at ease and they could cherish each other's company truly for the first time since they took their different ways in New York.
Elena slipped her hands to the back of his head while he moved his own to her waist and pulled her close to him. He slowly moved back until he felt the chair touching his calves. He had to sit down. His knees actually trembled by the overwhelming sensations he felt in that moment. The woman he loved and who he thought he had lost was now in his arms.
Elena followed his motion while he sat in the tip of the chair, she sat on his lap, resting her legs by his side. Though the position was sexy and sexual they were too lost in their lips to be aroused. It was as if that kiss was healing momentarily their raw wounds and for that reason they didn't want it to finish, not even to potentially make love. But earlier than they wanted their bodies craved for air and they had to break apart. After breathing in some oxygen they quickly find their way back to their mouths and breathed in some love. Somehow it seemed like that their bodies needed more the feeling than the air itself.
They stayed outside for longer than they could count. She was sitting on his lap and they just kissed and enjoyed being in each other's embrace. The reassurance they had got from those minutes and the comforting warmness of their mutual feelings was too good to be stopped. But now the coldness of North Carolina's fall was making it hard for the in love couple to keep enjoying the soothing breeze that seemed to help them to be at ease.
"Let's get inside Baby, it's freezing and I don't want you to get a cold" he kissed her hair and she only nodded in his arms.
They walked slowly and carefully upstairs. Everybody else in the house was already sleeping and they didn't want to wake them up, especially not the kids. As soon as they reached the end of the hallway just where their bedrooms were they stopped their walking not knowing exactly what to do now. Surely they had made serious progress ever since he entered her bedroom earlier that day but they didn't want to put a lot of pressure on each other, especially Damon on Elena.
"Mine or yours" he offered with his childish mischievous smile but his eyes showed how jittery he was.
"Yours. The closest of your bedroom I got was your hotel room and as much as I agree that you made that the most personal hotel room I've ever seen I still want to know something that is genuinely yours, that has your touch" she smiled sweetly and his heart skipped a beat. He couldn't control how much he loved that woman more and more by the minute.
"Yeah, Kat only got me a bed and a closet everything else is mine" he offered nervously fearing that she didn't catch on his joke before. He wasn't inviting her to make love though his body still craved for hers. He didn't know if they could handle it tonight and he wasn't willing to take any step backward.
"Thank you" she pulled him for a kiss and he led them inside his bedroom.
As she looked around the room was everything she expected. Simple but filled with so many meaningful things to the man by her side. Surely there were even more pictures of him and his family than in his office and suite and she noticed some teddy bears and other toys that showed her that either the kids gave it to him or that they were a constant presence in his bedroom. There was nothing sophisticated though Katherine's house was fancy but probably the most valuable things to Damon were there.
And that was made him so special to her. He didn't seem to care about money though she had no doubt his family was wealthy based on Stefan's house and the kind of hotel room he got himself. Probably his parents had a lot of money and like hers gave it to them, though she couldn't be more wrong about this last part. A few times she had thought why he had never mentioned his parents. It was odd that on Thanksgiving she hadn't heard a single word about his parents. Katherine's had called and talked to the kids but there wasn't any news on Damon's.
But that wasn't what touched her heart about Damon. Yeah, his parents done an excellent job with not only him but also Stefan and she would be forever thankful for that but it was how sensitive and amazing he was. Instead of valuing what people in Hollywood seemed to care about, Damon valued his family more than anything else. She remembered again about the research she did. He had been in many charity events. He cared for people, he had a good heart, he was always thinking about everyone else and she loved him for that. She loved him for making her feel so special even if today he had broken her heart.
"Come here" he broke her trance leading them to sit on the bed, he against the headboard and she against his chest.
"So what did you think? Does it match Elena Gilbert's standards?" he smiled while he smelled her hair. Only God knew how much he loved and missed this woman.
"I love you" she bluntly said avoiding his question.
Though he was surprised by the spontaneous declaration his ears and heart would never get tired of listening to her.
"Good, because I love you too" he folded his arms around her waist kissing her cheek.
"No, that's not what I mean. I mean, it is, because I guess 'I love you' there is only one meaning but what I meant is that I love everything about you. You're a great person Damon and you seem just perfect to me. I don't know what you do but you make me smile even when it hurts. You made me forget about all those fears and accept that I love you. You made me feel like I could have a chance in love again. You made me feel like I could resume my dreams. The words you say to me, the way you look at me. It's all reassuring and true. I can see how you love me and how you admire me and how I am special to you just by the way you look at me. Nobody ever made me feel this way. Nobody ever loved me like this and even now that everything hurts because of what we did; I look into your eyes and I find peace to my heart. I struggled so much in these past weeks. I tried to let it go, I tried to avoid it but I couldn't. Within only a few days you made me dependent on you and trust me there is nothing I value more than my independency but around you I feel like I don't need it. More than this I feel like I don't want it because I never make myself feel the way you do" she started her speech rambling but as she progressed her voice was getting steadier and the conviction in her words were somewhat overwhelming. But not bad overwhelming, Damon thought. It was too much but not in a way that he couldn't take in anymore but as if he was going to explode of pride, happiness and love for the woman in his arms.
"And I thought I was the one good with words. Can't compete with a writer" he muttered. He didn't even know how to react to all those words. He never expected to be this meaningful to someone, let alone someone like Elena.
"You're good with everything, Baby" she turned her face to his and pulled him into another passionate kiss, just like the ones they had in the first night they spent in her apartment and didn't have sex.
"I don't deserve you, Elena but I won't ask you to find someone who does. I want to make you mine and I want to make all your dreams come true. Everything you'd ever wanted" he brushed her hair as they broke apart.
"Everything?" she sweetly asked and he nodded "Starting right now?" she tested him once more and he reciprocated the smile.
"So can you just hold me tonight?" her lips still curved but her voice cracked slightly. Not because she feared he would say no but just because she couldn't believe this was happening after everything they went through earlier in that day. She needed the reassurance of his presence.
"Yes, Honey, my pleasure" he kissed her forehead and they stayed like that until they fell asleep.
AN: I do know how awkward things get after a messy fight with who you loves but it gets better. Kat was right about one thing more than anything else, they needed to sleep on it and now they just will. Thanks a lot for the reviews. I'm so happy for you giving me some words back. thanks a lot to my beta, May.
Talk to you soon
Babi