High School of Draven Chapter 26: 5k AP isn't enough, a league of legends fanfic

Welcome back to the League… I mean, High School of Draven (btw that parody song, pretty good, listened to it the first time last week and it accurately is something that Draven would make a song about). Anyways the comp is back and i'm here to "reck, shrek, and disrespect" as my friend puts it. So i'm going to get exactly 5k words this chapter, so probably i'll have to type at the end about random shit just to get my goal. Anywho, Akame ga Kill's ending, fitting ending, I cried all day. Next week is Christmas for all you Christian folk, and because it's snowdown i'll be sure to write a chapter about that which I have to get on immediately after this chapter since i'm going on vacation on friday. Do I want to go, fuck no, florida isn't japan, parents learn what is the difference between wurf and wasting money. Chapter 19 was when I said that we hit 10k views, well now were at 15k. Thanks for supporting me guys, internet brug it out (bro hug). This first part is a reference to a Bizarre skit (after the summary), i'm sorry how horrible/offensive (but not racist) the joke is but it's so damn funny in my opinion. Enough rambling, lets get into this. Last note, over my vacation i'm going to read over the chapters, just cuz.

Chapter 26: 5k AP isn't enough

Welcome back to the High School of Draven. For everyone new who skipped this far for no reason, or you need a refresher, here is the summary of the story so far.

Once upon a time, a teenager named Draven went to High School with his older brother, Darius. Draven became best friends with Rengar, an unpopular kid who didn't really care to much about the fame, but about the good life. Draven and Rengar met their goals in high school and had plenty of fun getting there as well. Rengar gets mad at Draven for just having a horrible time at Draven's party. Their bromance is split apart and they move in their separate paths. Nasus, an old friend of Draven, invites Draven to his gang since he thought he was cool after the fact Azir and his crew was reunited since he came back from Compton. Draven then after joins Nasus's League team and meets the love of his life, Sona, who was always the quiet girl in his class who always had a crush on him since they knew each other, but kept this secret from him for a long time. Draven and his team have to finish the final preliminary match up before ranked season starts and now are just enjoying their time before their next skirmish.

Nasus's house

Nasus and his team and crew sat around the coffee table that was dirty, stained, rippled, and charred from different things Nasus has done such as his old bong falling over when he was trying to dab and having shatter with glass everywhere, while the the wax either stained and dirtied up the table. On top of that he dropped his torch after this happening and charred off part of his table. He didn't care too much anymore. Draven on a hammock that was in the middle of Nasus's house shouts out "Hey Nasus, it's been a while since you've spitted that hot fire. Olaf adds "Bro, it's been forever since you last spit that hot shit breh" and twitch "Or are you wangsta?". Everyone was high as Leroy Jenkins dunking on a twelve foot basket, so twelve feet high. Nasus laughs "Man, I aint wangsta, just hear me out guys hear me out" everyone hushes to listen to Nasus.

"My girlfriends in the olympics, she'll be running track meets,
Im lieying, shes a paraplegic, she eats wit her feet"

Everyone burst out laughing, except Sona, who thinks it's horrible that he said that but kept quiet as usual.

"The Fuck' you laughin at!?" Everyone goes quiet.

"She'll be here next week.
In a black jeep, wit 2 other Handicap Freaks."

Everyone burst out laughing again from this stupid joke.

Irelia's house

Irelia lays in bed as Riven fed her breakfast in bed, Riven feeds Irelia her milk, but Irelia hesitates after being drinking the milk and backs off with her hands out "Too fast, slower". Riven then feeds Irelia her milk slower, but all good things must come to an end, and in this case Draven crashes open the window. Riven flinches and dumps all the milk down Irelia who is now drenched in milk. "Riven, look at this dope ass poro, he got my dope mustache, a crown, and a nice pair of shutter shades" Draven holds out the poro as Riven and Irelia stare at Draven with the eyes of 'Oh na, ya done did it' or in another term 'get out now'. Before either of them had the chance to speak Bruam comes through the window "I just smelled that you are drinking alistar productions milk" (you cant milk those tits) Riven and Irelia make an expression only described as the 'wat' meme. Bruam now does the 'One simply does not…' meme and says "That milk is utter shit" he pulls out goats milk "This milk, is the finest milk, it will improve your juke potential by nine thousand (Siv HD approved)". Irelia who starts repetitively says "Get the milk" over and over again in Riven's ear until Riven gets up to grab the milk. "Five dollars my friend" Riven throws the money at him and takes the milk back to Irelia who starts chugging the milk, wishing she could truly juke someday.

Ahri now comes out of the bathroom, only showing her arm as she threw an empty roll of toilet paper screaming "Irelia! You're out of toilet paper!". Irelia confused by the simple concept of everyone being in her house screams back "Why are you taking a shit in my house!". Vel'Koz answers this "Because hentai" said the tentacle, hentai man. Irelia who now is just lost sees Vel and Bruam in an arm wrestling contest, of course Bruam having the strength of ten thousand poro's (totally not a reference to my account name, 10 brownie points to anyone who actually knows which album of which band i'm referencing). Vel'Koz looks to Irelia after loosing and starts rapping (Since killer bee raps) about hentai (if hentai dude is familiar to you than you will get this next part, I 3 Hentai Dude).

"ramen noodles
ramen noodles on deck
thats what i do like everyday
im 17 and I flex, baka yarou komo yarou oohh yeah"

The bijuu obviously was referencing his tentacles that always float around everywhere like Ahri's tails. "Who is next to come into my house?", this was answered easily by Yasuo's cry "Hey Riven, wheres the milk?". Riven gets up and begins to walk away before being grabbed by Irelia by the arm who says "No! You may not leave out into the wild young Riven!" Riven proceeds to drag Irelia with her as Ahri mumbles from the bathroom something about having expired milk. Irelia continues to rant as she is being dragged down the stairs "Riven, you are not mature enough to go down there" Riven responds to this hastily "I'm so mature, I drink milk" Irelia shudders at this noticing at how much young Riven has matured. Riven walks in the kitchen as Yasuo rummages through the fridge for alcohol, he sees Irelia and does not question and takes the milk that Riven gives him. "Goat… Milk?" Yasuo questions. "Don't ask" Riven responds. Yasuo then drinks some of the milk and shakes his head since it taste horrible but pours it in his Captain Crunch because Yasuo only eats Captain Crunch. Kat shunpo's into the room and takes a bite of Yasuo cereal "Sup" she says with her mouth full, seemingly enjoying the milk. Riven just wonders to herself how you type five thousand words even though someone can only get about a thousand words per hour because they need to think of new things and process the story completely. She doesn't understand why that popped in her head.

Commercial Break

Darius first speaks, "Do you ever need cupcakes on the go? Do you ever need your quick cup of coffee? Do you need you're double quarter pounder cheese burger bacon bits and mash potatoes on top of a deep fried juicy bun?" He ask. He points his finger almost as if he were pointing at you, "Then what are you waiting for? Come to Dunkin' Cupcakes, owned by the Noxus and Lulu's cupcake factory. We have multiple types of manly cupcakes you may get! That only you may get such manly cupcakes at Dunkin' Cupcakes!" He shouted. The camera moves back and Darius puts on shades and says the quote "Noxus runs on Dunkin'" Lulu who was apparently next to him extends her arm and Darius high fives it like a boss. Commercial ends and goes back to the normal screening of 'Attack on Hobbit' (I swear, rito made the movie art that way purposely, rito please lay off).

Attack on Hobbit

Rumble and Tristana get to Rumble's house to discover the secret behind the ring they found. Of course Zilean comes out with his staff and slams it to the ground "You! Shall not! Pass!", the overly dramatic shout was over and the two of them challenge time jesus. They charge at him, Rumble going into his mech form and starts brawling with Zilean as Tristana hops around with her 3d maneuver gear. Zilean gets devastated by many attacks by Rumble and Tristana that he finally uses his revive before being slashed by Tristana's sword to the back of his neck. Zilean comes back and slams his staff that has a huge gust of wind blast into the dwarfs and make them fly back. Rumble catches Tristana in his arms "Wait Rumble" Tristana says "Stop this, we don't need to know the secret behind that ring" she says as she tries to kiss him. Rumble drops her and watches Zilean explode from a falling foot. Veigar laugh maniacally at this "I am not short anymore! I am a titan now!" Tristana gets up "Titan, must execute" Tristana flies around before cutting the back of Veigars neck but is stunned before she could do so. Rumble goes into mech form and charges at Veigar "Get off my girl!" Veigar's head is ripped off from the anger from Rumble and is shows why cremation is done at facilities rather than right there on the battlefield. Rumble and Tristana finally open the door and the episode ends.

An axe hits the television set, "What was that shit! Who is trolling at Rito?!" Draven was now freaking out. Darius now calms down Draven "Dude chill, just a show" he says calmly. Draven points a finger at Darius "This is not just a show! This! Is! Life!" Draven grabs a can of pussy energy (Keyori isn't lying, i'm ordering a pack from the UK for me and my friend) and cracks open the can sipping on it. Darius ask "Hey dude, i'm at 2k words for this paper I got but I need to get to 5k by tomorrow, what should I do?" Draven shrugs "I don't know, put the declaration of independence on it or like some lyrics to some song" Darius scratches his non-existant beard, "Interesting… Interesting indeed"

The unanimous Declaration of Draven,

Draven declares war against all that are not Draven, I am done with our Noxus poro boycott and am ready for the full war against all Demacians. So come at me Demacia, I bet you don't even lift.

The 56 Signatures

Draven

Darius

Draven's mom

Katarina Du Cateau

Cassiopeia Du Cateau

Jericho Swain

Emilia LeBlanc

Definitely not Blitzcrank

Sion

'Urgot was not able to sign this due to the fact he is so damn ugly'

Riven

"Fuck you Noxus, and I lift" -Garen

The band members of emu's (2 people, but Noxus got away with this so 4)

Talon

King of Noxus Draven (Ultimate skin please)

Dunkmaster Darius

Yasuo was here! XD

Demi Levato

Nasus

Rengar

Thresh

Olaf

Brolaf

The members of Fall Out Boy (4)

Twitch

Amir (Bro you're signing)

Charlie Sheen

Vladmir

Martin Van Buren

Juelz Santana

Baraka

Obama

Gandalf

Everyone hates Chris

Yasuo

Taeyeon

Sunny

Tiffany

Hyoyeon

Yuri

Sooyoung

Yoona

Seohyun (All the members of Girls Generation/ SNSD)

Marcus Du Cateau (No one knows how he got his name here)

Draven's Dad

Gabe Newel

Zilean

Shakira

The woman who does the grapefruit technique

Jessica Nigri

8thousandfist

"Draven, I don't think this is really going to fill up that much of my paper" Draven nods "Ok then stall" Draven Draven Draven Draven Draven Draven Draven Draven Draven Draven Draven Draven Draven Draven and Draven. Draven nods his head "Yes, this, this is more outrageous then gems" Taric smashes through the door and screams "Gems! Where!?" Draven turns to Graves "Get the shotgun" Graves chases Taric back out the door. Draven goes back to Darius's paper, if your wondering this entire chapter is just about having fun. "Darius bro, I said you need some good lyrics to some song" Darius nods his head, I know what lyrics would be good" Draven face palms "No Rick Rolls". Darius laughs to this "Got it bro"

Oooh

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it
Inside, we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

(Ooh, give you up)
(Ooh, give you up)
Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)
Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it
Inside, we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Yes, yes you did just get Rick Rolled. Darius, is so far behind still, he doesn't know if he should use his trap or trump card; Either would do perfectly fine. So Darius thought to himself the only thing that was really possible to make his fantasies a reality was to have a talk with Itatchi Uchiha. Another question you might run into, am I rushing this for you guys, i'm not, did this way in advance. Since Itatchi is dead that isn't really possible so the best idea was probably to see when The Last Naruto movie was being released. Darius found out it was in Japan only for the time being and wouldn't be released in america for a long time (i'm so sad, where are my tissues, fuck I ran out of them yesterday didn't I, first world problems).

Draven thinks about the fact that he needs some random meme to pass 3k by this point with Darius. It hits him what is ridiculously long and spamable, instead of his dick (gay).

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

"I mean that helps and all bro, but it just ain't funny no more" Draven nods his head hearing this "Man, I don't know what else to type about instead of butt. Wait give me the booty song would work right now wouldn't it?" Darius just sighs like Swain does.

Look at that booty, show me the booty
Give me the booty, I want the the booty
Back up the booty, I need the booty
I like the booty, oh what a booty

Shaking that booty, I saw the booty
I want the booty, lord what a booty
Bring on the booty, give up the booty
Loving the booty, round booty

Down for the booty, I want the booty
Hunting the booty, chasing the booty
Casing the booty, getting the booty,
Beautiful booty, smoking booty
Talk to the booty, more booty...
Fine booty

All about the booty, big old booty
Serious booty, amazing booty
I'll take the booty, where is the booty
Stare at the booty, walking the booty
Touching the booty, whos got the booty
Grabbing the booty, rubbing the booty
Loving the booty, hugging the booty
Kissing the booty, holding the booty
Watching the booty... Kicking the booty

Sleeping booty, screaming booty
Harder booty, softer booty
Sweeter booty, sour booty
New booty, used booty
Whos booty, sister's booty
Your mama's booty
Cookin booty, mean booty
Good luck with the booty

Foreign booty, home booty
Road booty, found booty
Covered booty, bad booty
Sweated booty, powder that booty
Bad booty, sadder booty
Wide booty, wider booty...
Double wide booty

Live for the booty, I like the booty
Suing the booty, scared of the booty
Expensive booty, cheap booty
Discount booty, rented booty
Leased booty, selling the booty
Working booty, easy booty
Sleazy booty, greasy booty
Need a lot more booty

Wet booty, dry booty
I hope that one's my booty
Printed booty, Petted booty
Little bitty booty

Beautiful booty, caressing the booty
Dissing the booty, missing the booty
Messing with the booty
Oh what a wonderful booty

Powerful booty, finding the booty
Give me the booty, wake up booty
Breakfast booty, lunch booty
Supper booty, dinner booty
Expensive booty, cheap booty
Buffet booty, hot booty
Cold booty, takeout booty
Delivery booty
All Booty

Booty booty booty booty booty
Booty booty booty booty booty
Booty booty booty booty booty
Booty booty booty booty booty

Darius felt like he got smacked in the face, "Dude I know what to do. Let's ask Swain what to do" Draven says "Mhm" as he eats the free cupcakes that he got from Darius's that was discounted by 10% for him doing the commercial.

Noxus HQ

Swain takes a bite of his cupcake, "The cupcakes, are somewhat, better than the coffee here" a huge applause is given through the room as everyone starts to scream and cheer as Swain just sighs. Draven walks in front of Darius "Turn down for what!" as Draven jumps in the crowd of people who are currently partying in Noxus HQ. Darius ignores this and goes straight to Swain "Swain I have a paper due tomorrow and I need something to make it look like I wrote about something" Swain sighs "Have you wrote down Noxus history" Darius nods his head "We did write about Draven's 'Decleration of Draven' but that was all" Swain sighs again. "Ok look Darius, just go on the Noxus wiki, hold on" Swain stands up "Yo someone play that song Freaks, you know the one with the trumpet" Some random Noxian shouts back "Got it Swain Train" they skip to the bass as they go crazy as people pass around bottles of Gin, Vodka, Bombay, and even some of the finest Noxian Firewater. Swain sits back into his throne "As I said, the wiki, copy and past a bunch of stuff and maybe change around a couple words or something so you don't have to feel like a boring piece of shit" Darius sat down on a chair that he pulls up and starts to copy and paste "Got it Swain".

More bonus points to the people who can spot the differences.

Culture

The citizenry of Noxus generally stands behind the principle that "only the strong survive" except Draven, regarding the qualities of benevolence and compassion as signs of weakness. Strength begets strength, at least as far as the humans of Noxus are concerned. This seeming cruelty, however, is not an indicator of chaos. As is naturally and necessarily the case with humankind, Noxus is an orderly city-state, where rules protect the citizenry from harm… at least from their peers. In Noxus, however, those with power are clearly protected by the law more than those without it.

Where other human settlements tend to welcome non-humans into their midst, Noxians are decidedly xenophobic. Non-humans are, at best, made to feel unwelcome within the borders of this city-state, because fuck yordles. There are exceptions to this, but only after the non-humans in question have proven themselves to be either useful or feared (or both). Human visitors and immigrants to Noxus are made to feel only slightly better, again proving themselves only by either demonstrating competence or inspiring terror in their enemies.

Government

The ruling political organization of Noxus is called the Noxian High Command, which Swain just sits on a throne and complains about Noxus's coffee because of how awful it is, and it acts as the head of the military. In Noxus, the military controls every aspect of the political landscape; there is no separation between the warfare and politics. The eternally youthful-looking leader of the High Command, General Boram Darkwill, had ruled Noxus for countless years. General Darkwill had far exceeded his average lifespan as a human; it is rumored that he was kept alive through necromantic magic. Such a conclusion would seem to make sense, especially when considering that he had ruled the Noxian High Command since before the time of King Jarvan I of Demacia. His seemingly endless hunger for power and conquest has driven Noxus to be the nightmarish threat to its neighbors that it is today.

In more recent times, the Noxian government was in a transition state. General Boram Darkwill was assassinated thanks to the most handsome sexy man of all of Noxus, Darius, and Noxian High Command was in the process of selecting the next Grand General. There was a power struggle between the different Generals, and political squabbles between their supporters had broken out across Noxus.

Demographics

Noxus is a city that resembles its inhabitants – dark and sinister. The foundation of the city was built into a granite mountain, and a fair portion of the city lies underground. Structures are built on top of and into the mountain itself. A tremendous man-made moat that is used as the place where Swain takes his royal baths, filled with a witches' brew of foul and putrid liquids, circumnavigates the city; the moat serves as a powerful means of cutting off access to Noxus through all but a few key points, which are heavily guarded. At the top of the granite mountain resides the headquarters of the Noxian High Command; the mountain itself vaguely resembles a demonic skull from a distance. Beyond the huge city walls lie the Noxian denizens that are too poor (or not lucky enough) to live inside. The subterranean city level of Noxus is almost as large as the top level, with numerous shops, taverns, and residences comprising the seedy underbelly of the notorious city-state. Noxus contains the largest network of dungeons anywhere on Runeterra, with numerous Noxian nobles claiming ownership over the various labyrinthine passages and subterranean rooms.

Boram Darkwill Assassinated

General Boram Darkwill and his accompanying platoon of Raedsel Guardsman were found slain on the roads not far from the village. Analysis of the scene indicated that the entire troop was eliminated with terrifying efficiency. Noxian scouts were unable to find any traces of an attacking force or any signs of survivors. Swain later ordered the bodies of every slain Noxian soldier be put to fire, as is the Noxian ceremony for fallen ranking officers in wartime conditions. He then accused Demacia for the assault and blamed the fact that Demacian's are really cool people, as they are the only other military on this continent which was capable of it.

In a public response, King Jarvan III of Demacia decried the attack, and stated that he did not order the assassination. Swain declined Jarvan's invitation to discuss the situation, which may indicate that the damage was already done. The last remaining natives of Kalamanda, including the mayor and his councilmen, were evacuated from the region because they pussies.

High Command remained divided in support between the two men since Swain returned earlier this month. Keiran Darkwill challenged Swain to a duel/rap battle to settle the dispute, claiming that such a standstill was a "coward's game." Many members of High Command believed this to be a strong move and expected Keiran, a notoriously skilled duelist/rapper, to win. Keiran intially had the upper hand but due to Swain's magical tactics, Keiran surprisingly lost.

The gathered members of High Command unanimously agreed to swear loyalty to the Master Tactician. With none remaining to protest his claim, High Command named Jericho Swain the Grand General of High Command has embraced his rule, Swain's leadership remains controversial in Noxus's lower houses. Some accuse Swain of willing participation in Heywan Relivash's scheme to obtain Kalamanda. "I get it Swain you're a cool guy" Darius finally admitted" Swain nods his head "Good now finish this".

Swain limped into the ward without cry or complaint: his right leg was snapped in half, with bone protruding from the skin. A small, scowling bird seemed affixed to his shoulder. The doctor gawked in horror as the young adolescent answered questions about his health and age with a calm, even stare. Even behind the echoing crack as the sand counterweights reset his tibia, Swain's measuring gaze never flickered, nor did his eyes twitch from the pop of his fibula. He refused the doctor's recommendation of magical treatment for the leg's inoperable damage, requesting only a spare crutch before shuffling away. He next surfaced in documents from the Noxian military, although it is evident that they are incomplete. Normally a crippled boy would be turned away in shame from Noxus' proud legion, but the records indicate his first designation was that of a ranking officer. Because of how awesome he was, he became a high rank for slaying all the pussy. He soon met a really cool guy named Darius, the became good friends and took Noxus for themselves and now just complain about the coffee.

"Noxian coffee is shit" -Noxus

What have I done with my time. Here you go, five thousand words, have a nice day. Draven.