Imprisoned in his Body

"He's a prisoner in his own body, Sam. He can hear everything you say to him but he can't do anything about it. He can't move and he can't talk." Janet pats her comfortingly on the shoulder as her friend stares blankly ahead. "It can't be easy for him."

Across from them, Jack lies back on one of the infirmary beds. Crisp white sheets are pulled up to his middle. His head rests on a pillow and his eyes are open, occasionally blinking or moving from side to side. That movement and the gentle rise and fall of his chest are the only signs he is still amongst the living.

Janet breathes in and exhales and then takes Sam by the arm and guides her towards him. "I think he'd like to see you. In fact, I know he would."

As if broken from a trance, Sam shakes her head. "I can't, Janet. I..."

"I know. But what if he doesn't get better? What if he doesn't come out of it? You'll regret not talking to him and not seeing him now. And Sam. I'm sorry, but there is a good chance he's not going to make it out of this one. He may very well be in this state for the rest of his life."

Sam clamps her eyes shut. Moisture leaks out of the corner of one eye. She swipes at it and blinks a few times, sniffling.

"I'll be right here," Janet says.

"Okay," she agrees softly. She looks at Janet for a moment and then turns to Jack and takes a few steps towards him.

"You'll be fine," Janet adds.

She nods and glances back as Janet moves a little further down the infirmary to give them some privacy.

"Hey, sir." Sam hesitates when she reaches the foot of his bed, unsure of what to do. Should she move closer? Should she sit on the edge of his bed like Daniel was earlier (when she peeked around the door to see him and immediately chickened out) or should she pull up a chair?

She takes another few steps towards him and hovers there, by his side. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." Looking into his eyes, she shifts her weight from one foot to the other. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips.

Jack's eyes seem to focus on her and she swallows. Is he reallly aware of her presence? Or does it just seem that way? She casts her gaze downwards and at once, she notices his hand lying limply on top of the sheets. There are tubes going in and out of his skin and liquids of various colours - clear in one tube and an almost yellow colour in another - moving through them.

Sam glances up when a nurse passes by, her shoes clacking loudly on the ground, and then looks back at Jack. "Janet told me you've had a lot of visitors today," she says. "That must have been nice."

She edges even closer and reaches out to take his hand in hers. It's cold. She squeezes it gently and tries to ignore how different it feels to normal. He has taken her hand many times before and never has it felt like it holds so little warmth. It's like ice now. It's unnatural. "Boy, you're cold!"

She feels a chill go through her that has nothing to do with the clammy hand in hers and the temperature of the room. Sam forces herself to breathe in deep and let it out. She closes her eyes for a moment and then opens them again. She can't stay here. It's too much. She can feel tears prickling at the back of her eyes and her throat has a solid lump in it that is making it difficult to breathe.

"Get better soon, okay? It's not the same without you there." She forces a smile and once more, squeezes Jack's hand before letting it go. She grabs at the blanket covering him and pulls it further up to cover his hands and part of his arms. That done, she stands and slowly turns and walks away from him.

Janet tries to stop her on her way out the door and ask how things went, but she shakes her head and keeps going. Her eyes fill with tears.

Of all the ways Jack could have gone out, being trapped inside his own body like a prisoner or a mental patient strapped into a straightjacket, was not something she thought would ever happen. It kills her to see him in such a state. It kills her that she can't stay with him and offer her support for fear of breaking down. Even more so, it kills her to think it should have been her. Jack took her place in the mission that put him into his current state.

She should be the one lying there.

fin.