*Blows heavily coated dust off chapter.* Sorry, sort of forgot about this. Anyway 10,050 words of story for you. Rushed and utterly stupid just how you like it. xD

Well, I guess we should get right to the point. I bet the number one thing that's on your mind right now is if I'm pregnant. So just to enlighten you all: I'm not pregnant. Questions on the situation will not be answered but instead ignored. I don't want to talk about it. I don't even want to think about. I'm not even sure if I should tell Scorpius. How would that even play out? Should I tell him by owl or personally? I did say I didn't want to do either ever again. What would I say? What would I write? Do I just walk over to him and go "Hello, mate. Sorry I've been ignoring you, though that will continue after this conversation. I just thought you ought to know that I'm not pregnant. Yep. So you can go back all your sleeping around again. If that's what you would like. Once again, the 'rules' still stand after this conversation and I never want to talk to you again. Thank you and goodnight." Yes, that might go well and dandy for myself but what about him. Not that I care very much.

Or I could leave him waiting in anticipation. Wondering constantly whether I'm pregnant or not. Or if I was and didn't tell him.

Basically, I'm saying that I don't want to talk about it when really, that's all I'm going to do.

Anyway, on to more important things. Such as the fact that I am said to be dating Joshua McLaggen. I'm pretty sure everyone's heard about that. Now that may very well be kind of true but it isn't exactly. For once I do not know how to explain something. It just sort of happened. One hug. That's it. I want to freaking take it back but it happened. Apparently when you're in Hogwarts you only hug people you're dating. I swear if these students studied as much as they gossiped they would be better off. Only a simple hug and that was it. But you see, everything spirals out of control at one point in life. Welcome to that point. I'm a newcomer of course but I can tell that this won't be the only time I'm welcome. Not really.

But, that doesn't really answer anything does it. If anything me and Joshua are not even close to dating. We understand each other, yes. Like each other? Not in the least. What makes you think I could like him when he's about three times as bad as Scorpius. Imagine how much trouble I could get into with him by my side. Not a very welcome idea either. So, yeah. We're not dating. He's just kind of like a backup plan. Yes he does know about this too. He's just a cover up so no one starts assuming things about me and Scorpius or something. He's my mask in other words. He's making my anxiety simmer down a bit. Of course he knows nothing about why he's needed.

You know what? I think I remember saying that I was never ever going to date him in my life. Although, we're not really dating, we kind of are so... That just goes to show you that I have absolutely no control over anything. Nothing in my life ever goes how I plan it to. There's always something in the way. I'm beginning to think that maybe I do need to get some help. I never do talk about my feelings to anyone. As if there is anyone to actually talk to. Who would even listen? Everyone thinks I'm some crazy girl who has anger problems and thinks she knows everything in the world. Boy are they ever wrong. I do not have anger problems, I'm just short tempered. I do not think I know everything in the word but I have to admit that I'm pretty damn close to that. I pay damn good attention and study hard to know this much. Might as well flaunt it.

I guess you could say that I'm confused. You could even say that I'm a little lost. I don't know what I want, what I need, or the faintest idea of what to do. Which explains why I've been avoiding everyone, even Albus, and spending more time staring at the ceiling in tears than breathing, right? That explains everything, right? It doesn't. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate my decisions. Every time I stop doing something I can only think. Then thinking always leads to all my problems. Everything that I've ever done wrong starts flooding back and I can't take it. But... I don't want to do anything about it either. I'm a screw-up. I've let everyone down. I've probably developed some kind of drinking problem because I'm such a follower. I can't be both. I can't be a leader and a follower. I can't always get my way. I've lied to a bunch of people. I'm pushing people away. Running away from my own problems. I almost got pregnant at the age of sixteen. Fucking sixteen. I'm such a failure. If people knew about all the secrets I have, I would probably have been disowned by now. I'm a disgrace to the Weasley name. I'm a disgrace to my family.

The bad thing isn't even that I'm sixteen. It's the fact that it was unplanned, unintentional and with someone I don't even love.

Talk about a downer.

They say laughter is the best medicine but I've found out that it isn't when I give it a try. A short, bitter, almost maniacal laugh. However, I guess it only works when you have something to laugh at or, at the very least, someone to laugh with. Seeing as I have neither... look who's pretty much a dying patient now. I guess you never realize what you have until it's gone. At least that's what comes to mind as my hand falls to my stomach. Such a simple thing, really. For a normal person. And me? I'm not a normal person. I can't help but think that I've lost something by not getting pregnant. I don't even care if it would have been Scorpius'. Does that make me crazy?

You know they never talk about how much of a good thing pregnancy can be sometimes. Sure it was probably an accident but it helps in some ways. Like responsibility. But maybe I'm just trying to make up excuses for myself because that was almost me.

Maybe I'm depressed. Rehab doesn't sound like such a bad idea now. Especially since I sound this depressed.

"If you keep doing that I'm going to start thinking your pregnant." A small voice laughs and I slide my hand off my stomach and roll my shirt down. It's become quite the routine. I know that voice of course because I always do. So when I sit up I'm not surprised to see Stephanie standing there even though I wish she wasn't. Why? Because - shit - there goes the tears again. Isn't it funny that every time she comes around I seem to be crying or on the verge of it? Makes for quite the awkward conversation. No one ever sees Rose Weasley cry. This is such a serious topic that I am able to talk about myself in the third person. Which I do not do often, I might add.

"As if." I reply with a weak smile before crashing back on my bed. I just love staring at nothing at all. As long as I don't have to look her in the face. She doesn't have to know about the situations I've been in lately. In all honesty, I'm scared she'll look down on me if I told her. I'm scared she'll think differently of me. I'm scared of no longer being Ms. Perfect because then I have nothing to lean back on. Nothing to bounce back to.

Then there's a moment of silence in which Stephanie lays down next to me and grabs my hand. She's trying to comfort me and I don't know why but I let her. I let her squeeze my hand and try to make things better. Who am I to deny her that? She's my best friend and I've been abandoning her for the past few weeks. I've forgotten who means the most to me. I've forgotten the one who's always there for me and practically traded her in for someone else. Someone who's caused all these problems for me. That's something I've never noticed before. How I treat people without even thinking. How I've treated my best friend when all she does is be nice and help me. I'm a horrible person.

"People are worried about you, you know. They think that you've finally gone mental. You won't talk to anyone," she gives me a concerned look before continuing. "Hugo is worried. Albus is worried. Lily is worried. Even James is worried about you. I don't know what to do. I'm worried about you, too. We all are. You're all smiles and everything but I don't believe it. There's something the matter with you. You can't just bottle your feelings up anymore. It's okay to cry sometimes. It's okay to be angry. It shows you're human, yeah?"

Since when did I have a therapist? Since when did anyone care? They don't because I don't. I don't want them to.

I don't know why I keep telling myself these lies but I do. I keep telling myself that no one cares but I know they do. I guess it's the fact that I don't want them to plays a big part in that.

So I get up and pull my hand from her light grip. I don't want to talk about anything. Some things people just don't need to know. For instance: How I feel is really of no importance right now. She doesn't understand anything. Merlin's balls, I sound like some sort of crazy, loony person.

"I'm only trying to be a friend. Your best friend. Now come here."

For a second neither one of us moved. Her waiting for me to make the first move. Me? Well, I was being me. Stubborn. I didn't want to go to her. I didn't want her 'help'. Or whatever the hell she wanted to call it. Before I could open my mouth to tell her to "fucking piss off", she got off my bed in a frenzy and stood in front of me. I've never realized until now that she has these freckles just along the bridge of her nose. And her eyes are more of a hazel than a brown. Quite a beautiful color if you ask me. Not that I'm a lesbian or anything. She's my best friend and I'll look if I want to. Hell, I'll run my hands through her hair if I want to. Either way, I'm really only trying to distract myself. Working pretty swell if you ask me.

"I'm tired of you pretending that you don't have anyone to talk to when all this time I've been right here." she says with an exasperated sigh, hands on her hips. I can't help but be reminded of Lily. When I don't answer she continues instead of waiting again. "Now come here and be normal again by hugging me. You can even cry a little if you want."

Okay, maybe I was a little bit wrong. Laughter might not be the best medicine there is, but it does work quite well as a pain reliever. Hugs do, too. Although it could be just Stephanie's hugs that have that effect on me. Or it could be the fact that I'm losing my mind at the moment. Have been for quite a while actually. Yeah, I guess you don't really realize what you have until you lose it. Or almost at least. I'm always so focused on myself that I never pay attention to anyone else. I haven't even been paying attention to my best friend. I'm supposed to tell her everything. Some best friend I am, right? Now that I think about it, I wouldn't want to be my friends at all. For someone who's supposed to be so fucking smart, I'm dumber than I would like to think. The decisions I make are only the beginning examples of that. Good thing I'm a pretty good secret keeper, eh?

"Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't." I answer and I can tell that I've upset her. It's funny how you can go from telling someone everything about yourself to telling them nothing. And all in a matter of weeks. If only my social skills could match my wit, then I'm sure I'd be a better friend. As of right now, I'm surprised Stephanie still even talks to me. I'm not even sure if I would even talk to myself at this point. You can only go so far when there's only one person pushing the weight of two. I hope that makes sense.

"I... understand."

She sounds so hurt when she says it that it wrenches my heart. It hurts me to even look in her eyes. This is what I've brought our relationship to. Last year we were practically inseparable and now here we are. Separated. On two totally different sides of the world.

I never knew two words could hurt that much. Why they were hurting me? I have no idea. Maybe because I've just now realized that I've been treating my best friend terribly for the past few weeks - months. The fact that she's been putting up with my crap is even more surprising. It breaks my heart to know that after all this time I've thought I was being a good friend. I can't believe that I was so selfish. All this time I've been thinking shamelessly only about myself. It was always about what I had to do. What I wanted to do. What meant the most to me. Never once did I think about anyone's feelings around me. So I guess that's what happens when you get caught up in things. It took all of this for me to realize just how horrible of a person I really am.

...I'm really just repeating myself. What goes around comes around then goes back around. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

"You don't. You don't understand what it feels like to lose yourself."

In some sort of odd way that makes sense. I've sort of lost myself through all this. I've lost more than that though. I've lost all sense of sanity, friendship and I barely even know how to make things right. I don't know if I should just try and forget everything that has happened recently or continue on. I don't want to do either.

I'll never be able to let people too close before pushing them away again.

There's this saying that goes "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Well, me? I like to 'join' those whose problems are a lot like mine but much worse. Like now, I'm currently going through some sort of depression phase and the only person who's crazier than me at the moment is Landon Davis. The boy who once told a kid that he "was q-quite h-happy to be blessed with a d-double personality of sorts." Then he proceeded to tell the same kid to "fuck off before I ruin your life." His smile was absolutely innocent as he said it and he didn't look the least bit angry but that kid ran like hell. I guess you can scare first years by basically saying anything. Or maybe just that first year. Oh, who am I kidding? I would have ran too.

Seriously, he doesn't have a double personality. I don't think. I think people just don't understand him enough. Or maybe he's just shy. I doubt that. If you so much as state your opinion of him he'll do the same. And when he does, he'll tell you everything, honestly. Unless of course he doesn't have the time or he's trying to spare your feelings. Something which I am sure he does not have a lot of. He's almost like a robot. I don't think he can process feelings very well.

Bless Landon, though. He's absolutely adorable. A basket full of screws missing from his head but still adorable. If it were me and Landon in some sort of fucked up relationship, instead of Scorpius and I, it would be much easier. Since we're both fucked in the head right now. And the fact that me and Landon aren't enemies or rivals or anything at all makes it even better. Why couldn't I just have some sort of cliche teenage love where we fall in love and that's it? Oh, yeah, that's right. I never get anything I want. Nothing ever goes how I want it to. If you look at it in some sort of biased way you will see that my whole life is a mess because Paul was a stupid cheater. Now if he would have been faithful then I wouldn't be in this situation right now wondering why I couldn't have a relationship with some loony. Also known as Landon Davis. I guess loony's not so bad.

I feel bad about what I did a few weeks ago. Or was it days. I don't know anymore. I just feel bad about the whole thing. Even though I know damn well that Landon can handle his own weight. And by that I mean that I know who won't go crying about it. He won't even care. He's been through worse. I'm still not even sure if he's gay or not.

Okay, less about that and more about why I'm trying to 'join' him. I'm not really trying to 'join' him. I'm only trying to get his help really. I have to admit that he gives pretty damn good advice. It's kind of like he just sits around observing people all day, which I'm pretty sure he does. Otherwise he wouldn't know enough about me to write a biography. Otherwise he wouldn't know about the 'relationship' between me and Scorpius. But it's not a weird thing, I know a lot about people too. It's good to know your competition.

Although, if you remember I said I wanted him to stay out of my business, desperate times call for desperate measures. And right now I'm desperate to know what the hell to do with my life. Not that he'll actually know. It's not like he's a seer or anything. Little side fact: I've heard that he's the best of our year in Divination. Also, I wonder why him and James are friends when he's a year lower than James... Something seems a little off if you ask me. I don't worry about that though. When I come around to it, I'll figure it out but yeah. The most important thing on my mind right now is where to find Landon. Easy peasy right? First place I always check for him: the library.

Sure enough, he was there. Same table as always. By himself as always. For a second I actually felt sorry for him until I remembered that practically everyone came to the library alone. Heck, I come to library to be alone. Then again, Landon has these weird unknown intentions most of the time. I'm not even sure why I know that but it's true. Or at least I think it's true. It's just a feeling really. Something I shouldn't really base facts on. Most of the time anyway.

"Well, if it isn't my little temptress Rose Weasley," he said, an expression of pure amusement on his face. For some reason he just happened to know I was there before I even sat down. "What can I help you with today?"

"Honesty." I say before taking a seat in front of him. Not a very good idea if you ask me. Next thing I know people will be running to Joshua saying that I'm cheating on him. Of course he won't even care because we're not dating but then that just ruins my reputation. Sadly, I'm known as the one who gets cheated on not the one who cheats. Which is kind of a good thing in a way, right? At least people know that I'm faithful and that they can trust me.

That was the truth but he seemed to be unsatisfied with my answer. I wasn't going to come up with something much better than it. I mean, I don't even know why I'm here. Oh the woes of being helplessly and hopelessly confused. May it all lead to common sense one day. Or something close. This only goes to show that I'm not actually all that smart. Yes, in education I am superb but socially... I pretty much suck at things like that. Talking to people and attending social events and all that just isn't my thing.

After a while of only sitting there in silence, Landon looked up before saying, "Bisexual." In which that silence entered again. I mean I had no idea why the hell he was saying that in the first place. When I asked him for honesty I wasn't asking anything about sexuality. Also, what does he mean 'bisexual'? Is he talking about me? Is he talking about himself? Maybe it's some kind of weird metaphor. You know like in poems and all that stuff.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You asked for honesty. I told you my sexuality. Something you've been wondering about for a while, no?"

You know that bet Scorpius and I had about Landon's gender preference? Do you remember me winning because he said he liked girls? I guess I kind of didn't win... BUT Scorpius didn't either. He said that Landon was gay while I said that he was straight. Apparently he's sort of both. Can there be two winners? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If Landon's bisexual and he's friends with James... No! No, no, no! That can't be right. I can't believe I would even think that. I'm sure James isn't gay. Oh, fuck. Now I have these inappropriate, disgusting, sinful graphic thoughts about the two of them being together. Someone please come and put me out of my misery. I need to be obliviated.

I just need to be optimistic. Why can't two boys be friends without someone thinking their gay? Haha. They're totally not doing anything together.

Oh, Landon and his way of making me feel like my brain has been put through a blender. You can never tell if this guy is telling the truth, a lie, or half a truth. It's all very confusing for the feeble-minded and I can tell why people don't really socialize with him. He has no problem with speaking his mind nor putting himself down. I like him though. He's honest and I feel like I can relate to him in a weird type of way. He can be my guy best friend. Everyone knows I've never had one of those. I'm most likely considered a men hater.

"Why?"

"I've found that distracting people with my own problems creates questions in their mind. Am I wrong? Thus you forget your own problems because people are naturally curious. Then they tend to get too curious and start asking questions. Curiousity killed the cat and you killed your way to forgetting whatever you came here for. Once again, am I wrong?" he explained not even looking up from the book he was scanning. Rude if you ask me.

This one and his thinking he knows everything. Maybe he should become a therapist or something. I'd probably end up being his number one patient. Although, if you ask me I'd say that therapy is a huge waste of time and money. You're basically paying someone to ask you questions. Why in the world would you do that? But that's only my opinion. Someone who's actually had therapy might think differently. I don't know. Anyway, I can't help but agree that he is right in some sense. Him telling me that he's bisexual did happen to distract me from my problem actually. Does he have to act like he's always right all the time though? I'm sure he's not. He's a little overconfident, no?

In a way, if you think about it hard enough, we're kind of the same.

"How about we try to not boost your ego anymore?" I said, grabbing the book he was currently reading and closing it. "With all due respect, Davis, I do not appreciate being ignored."

With a smile he just issues a staring contest between the two of us. One that ends with me wiping my eyes branded as the loser. Those eyes still watching me intently. I can only wonder what the hell goes on inside that brain of his. Frankly, he's almost as smart as me but something's off about him. No I am not bragging. That's giving both him and I a compliment at the same time. It makes sense for him to be a Ravenclaw and hella smart but why he's slightly off his rocker... Maybe that comes with the history of a Slytherin family.

"What do you want?" The dullness in his voice signals that he's getting bored.

"Tell me about myself."

"S-seriously? Honestly? If I didn't know better I'd say you were setting me up. Or attention seeking."

"I asked for it."

I have this feeling that this is a bad idea but I nod anyway. I mean, what could possibly be so bad about him telling me about myself. That does make me sound a bit conceited, right? Who in the right mind wants to hear about themselves? People who are vain. I should have known that this was going to be a bad idea by the way Landon seemed to get energized... but I didn't. I never seem to pay attention to the important stuff until it's a little too late.

"In the simplest of terms you're a selfish, heartless bitch." He announced happily. Happily. Happily. Happily? Almost as if he's been waiting to say all his life. "Don't get me wrong. You're smart and gorgeous and all. But you don't exactly consider other people's feelings. That is until it's a bit too late. Still you're quite a great person just a bit on the aggressive, narcissistic side. Sometimes you have to play the role of stupid. Sometimes you have to play the role of wrong. You just don't want to do that. Now I'm no perfectionist, but you aren't either. The world doesn't revolve around you. Be happy with what you have, love. Remember that."

Never in my life, I've been saying that a lot lately, have I been so speechless. I was stuck between punching him in the face and thanking him. I did ask him to tell me about myself. Not that I actually meant it like that but I did. He was only doing what I asked. A selfish, heartless bitch... Am I really like that? What would even make him say that? I mean it's not like I've done anything to him. Of course I've told him to stay out of my business, rudely, a couple of times but that's it. How does that make me a selfish, heartless bitch? And he says that is the 'simplest of terms'. I can only imagine what he would say if he didn't use the 'simplest of terms'. I think I need to dismiss myself before I strangle him.

Landon isn't as stupid as he seems, though. When I looked up he was gone. Not a sign that he had ever been there. His books were gone, his bag was gone. The only thing left from our little encounter were the words he used to describe me. Well, that and a note. So I sit there for a moment and wait for him to come back because that's the sensible thing to do. If he comes back in the next five minutes I'll give him his note back. If he doesn't I'm going to read it. I'm not snooping around or anything.

Oh, so what if I am! He practically goes snooping through everyone else's business anyway.

Needless to say that he didn't come back. Needless to say that I probably read that note before five minutes were up. It didn't even say anything special. All that was written on there was a time and the words "Same place." He's obviously going to meet someone and the handwriting looked familiar but that's about it. Nothing weird. Nothing important to me at the moment anyway. And for some reason I have a feeling that this is going to come back to bite me in the arse.

I've come to the decision that I will tell Scorpius that I am not pregnant. Personally. No matter how much trouble it'll probably cause, I'm going to tell him. Sure it could cause all the relief in the world but I think the opposite will happen. It's always the opposite with us. We fight; we can't keep our hands off each other. We kiss, we want to fucking throttle each other. We basically say that we love each other; we stay as far away from the other as possible. We confess our undying hatred for one another; we somehow end up falling into bed. Now tell me that there isn't something absolutely fucked up about that.

There's something fucked up about our whole relationship. Or should I call enemyship or something dumb like that? I mean I mess, he messes up. We fight, we argue, we fight, we argue. That's about all we do. It's almost a shame to admit but I don't care.

Continuing on, the only thing that's keeping me from announcing the news to Scorpius is my bloody conscience. All I keep hearing in my mind is 'If you let him off the hook you'll never be able to get him back.' But then there's the other side that keeps saying 'Thank Merlin that he's not going to be the father. Thank Merlin that you're not pregnant. Isolate yourself to prevent any more problems.' Of course I want to be a neutralizer in all of this so I decide to thank Merlin but still tell Scorpius anyway. I mean he's does deserve to know as much as I do. This is, or was, his problem, too. Who am I to deny him the right of knowing the truth? He's probably still awaiting a howler from his father any day now. One that will never come of course. Unless... someone happens to know our evil deeds and have told them to his father.

That wouldn't be a surprise though. Everyone knows everything about everyone in this school. Absolutely ludicrous I tell you.

A possibility, but a very low chance because my father would have killed him by now. In fact, I'm pretty sure that all of my cousins would like a turn. Torture all around the dining room table. Catchy if you ask me. I'm sure I would have gotten a howler, too. I imagine it'd go a little something like this:

HOW DARE YOU FORNICATE WITH THAT MALFOY BOY! AND PRODUCE A CHILD NO LESS! I HOPE YOU PLAN ON TAKING ALL OF HIS MONEY!

Nah! I'm giving him too much credit. Mum would never let him do that. She's more of the calmer type. She'd be disappointed, yes. Angry, most likely not. Anger is not something you see in my mother a lot. She's unusually calm in lots of situations and knows how to handle her temper. This just goes to show you that although I may have inherited her brains, I'm more like my father than anything. Well, not exactly. More like a meek combination of both.

You might have noticed that I've gotten quite off track but none less I know what my goals are. I'll just tell Scorpius tomorrow. Today's been a big day for me. I've finally found my sanity again, I've been called a selfish, heartless bitch, and I've reconnected with the world outside of my room. Who cares if it was in some sort of abnormal, crazy almost forced way? I did it. That's all that matter right now. And no I am not trying to find a way to not have to tell Scorpius anything. No I am not going to try and feed people the same excuse I used today, tomorrow. Silly persons, I'm bright enough to come up with way better reasons than that. I'm Rose Weasley for goodness sakes. I have excuses already stored in my mind.

Yesterday didn't go exactly as I had planned. Yes some normality has returned, in a sense. However... I've yet to figure out how I'm going to go about telling Scorpius that I will not be baring his child. Luckily I am Rose Weasley, therefore if I didn't have multiple ideas by now you should be scared. Seeing as people love to be in my business a lot I thought that maybe you would like to hear my ideas. Now I might be a little rusty in the whole idea category but I'm trying. Rather, I did try.

My latest attempt actually included me yelling down the hallway filled with students. Being eager to just get it over with I didn't think that anyone would turn around and look at me. And did they ever. So I joined them and turned around also. Thank magic that there was someone behind me. I know it's mean to put the blame on other people but I had to. If I didn't everyone would start talking about how I just started yelling down the hall for no reason. When I did have a reason but how and why would they know. Anyway, I turned around and looked at the kid with the most confused face that I could put on before saying, "Why are you yelling down the hall?"

Attempt number two went quite smoothly if I say so myself. I wrote what I had to say on a piece of paper and gave it to my owl. I really should name him at this point. How many years has it been? Sadly, before he could even fly out the window I grabbed him and got that paper back. There was no way in hell I was going to let that cursed owl deliver something so precious. Not to mention that the parchment wasn't even folded straight! My world is crumbling apart, piece by stupid piece.

Embarrassing as it is, the letter went like this:

Dear Scorpius,

Congratulations! You're not going to be a father.
Isn't that great news?
So how have you been? Good, I hope. You're not going to be a father! Did that brighten your day?

-Rose
P.S: You're not a father. Nor are you going to be. I'm not going to be a mother.

This wasn't one of my better attempts at writing a letter I must say. I think I was really nervous about writing it in the first place. Every time I heard a noise I would pretend to be reading a book or studying. Maybe I should have been doing that in the first place. At some point after I got that letter back I threw it in the fire and stayed there until I was sure that every piece was burned. There was no way I was going to let it slip about my affairs. Too many nosy cousins who know threatening spells for me.

Attempt Number Three was just as horrible as the rest. I didn't even get off the step of planning it. I was going to take a more indirect and say something that sounded vaguely familiar to "I'm not pregnant." instead. So if he asked what I said I could repeat my nonsense statement without being embarrassed. That doesn't really make sense so allow me to elaborate. For example: Last year when I practically forced to tell James that I was dating Paul, I said "I'm dating Paul." really quickly and very, very low. James then proceeded to ask me what I had said. Being incredibly smart, I replied saying that I instead said "I'm hate lawns." It didn't even have to make sense. There was no grass in the area. I still told him, he just was told that I said something different. To keep it short: I couldn't find a phrase that sounded like "I'm not pregnant." but made even the tiniest bit of sense.

Or rather I didn't feel like it. I honestly have no idea what the heck I was thinking during that either. I think maybe I was sick.

I should have given up by then but I didn't. I never give up. Plus, I seem to have a good feeling for the number three. In fact I have such a good feeling about the number three that I've decided it deserved a part two since the first didn't even happen. No matter what happens, the third time is always the charm. I think. Whatever. I don't even know why I'm stressing over something so stupid anyway. It's not like if I don't say the right way I'm going to die or something. At this point I'm not really sure if I would even care. Isn't that wonderful?

Cornering Scorpius was never a hard task for me. It never was for anyone. Except for maybe James. In which everyone knew to keep away from him. Sometimes I over-exaggerate about things. James being one of them. It's true that he can be very, very 'protective' and scary. But, he has to be my second favorite cousin. I seem to be more fond of my male cousins than my females ones. The boys do get a little overprotective but the girls seem to always know more than they should. It's also sort of hard to date a boy who your cousin hasn't dated yet when you have about a million of them. A million who look ten times more beautiful than you at that.

Damn you frizzy, red hair and freckles. DAMN YOU! Damn you, Dominique. Who probably banged every guy out there already.

Cornering Scorpius without one of his friends is not so easy of a task. In fact it's a whole different story. There's Albus, Nott, Zabini, Davies, Violet, Chessier, or Hadassa who are always by his side at one point. Sure sometimes I luck out and he's probably looking for me... but most of the time that's not the deal. Especially since Scorpius has taken quite a liking to ignoring me these days. I deserve it though. I mean I did sort of start the ignoring. Not really a problem. No one can ignore me for too long.

That got proven wrong a little too fast if you asked me. Damn, I say that a lot.

)*(

"This is fucking stupid!" I muttered to myself as I scanned the halls for Scorpius after classes. True, this wasn't exactly the best time to be looking for him but I was. All that nervousness I usually set aside for tests has all of a sudden caught up with me. And I don't even know why I'm scared about telling someone I'm not pregnant. I mean shouldn't I be freaking happy that I'm not? Isn't he going to be freaking happy that I'm not? That I didn't send that letter to his father. I wish I could have seen his face when he found out his father knew. A picture perfect day that would have been. Something I would never ever ever forget. Like many other things.

For instance, I will never forget how fast my heart started to beat when I finally set my eyes on him. He looked like he'd just been pronounced king of the world. Is that because I'm basically no longer in his life? How unfair is it that he got to enjoy the finer points in life while I was 'gone' and I didn't? The only good thing about my time without him was finally being able to realize that my life has went to the dogs. And that I had already figured out by the time I rolled out of his bed instead of my own.

Would you expect any less from me if I went over there practically demanding attention? Didn't think so. After what Landon said, I think I'll try living up to his analysis. First witnesses to this shall be Scorpius Malfoy and Noah Nott. I don't know why Scorpius even bothers to hang around that boy. I swear he only wants to get in his pants. It wouldn't be the first time either. I still remember that time he started groping Albus in Potions class.

To me, when I'm set on doing something important, no one else matters. Nothing else matters. Which explains why I practically threw Nott aside like a rag doll. Pay attention to where he landed when I pushed him? I did not. Care? I did not. Take my eyes off of Scorpius? I did not. There are just some things that are more important than others. I bet you can guess what was more important in this situation. Remind me to apologize to Noah later, please. I caught him pretty off guard. He better thank the world that it wasn't intentional pain. Otherwise, well, let's just say he wouldn't exactly be able to have contact with people who aren't nurses for a while.

"Malfoy." I greeted with a smile way too happy for the thoughts going on in my head. "We have business to discuss."

Unfortunately, I seem to have become invisible over the last few days. What goes around comes around, right? I feel as though Karma has been waiting to slap me for a while now. Let's just say that she certainly did slap me a new one. I'm fine. It was only metaphorically so it doesn't really have a bad effect. I'm going to have to have to work harder now but that's okay. At least no one really slapped the shit out of me because that would cause a bunch of trouble. I've got enough of that on my plate already without going back for thirds. Or fourths. Or fifths. Haha, who am I kidding? If there was no trouble in my life I wouldn't be Rose Weasley, now would I?

So after I 'asked' Scorpius to talk to me he left without so much as a blink. The look he gave me was clearly one of boredom. I am in no way boring! I am I'm not. I'm living a fucking teenage drama and all that stuff and yet I'm boring? Not that I care about what he thinks anyway.

"Finally pining after Malfoy, Weasley?" Nott asked, when I turned around, straightening his robes. I have to admit, he does know how to make things look like nothing happened. If you took a look at him you would not be able to tell that he just got thrown around by some girl. Points for Slytherin. Hold up. How the hell am I pining after Malfoy? I seem to be missing a lot of things lately.

"I am not pining after him!" I answered a little too defensive. "We need to discuss something."

"Yeah, and once upon a time I was a fucking unicorn." He said, voice practically dripping with sarcasm, before adding, "Just look how bloody fantastic that turned out."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Take it how you want to. I was only saying. It's not like you wanting to talk to him is going to do you any good."

He says it as if I didn't already know that. I mean it as become quite apparent at this point since he walked away without a single word. Once again Karma knows how to handle its prey. And for some reason I now feel like I'm competing for Scorpius' affection. Enter denial because why would I even want his affection? I've seen how he's treated most of his girlfriends and it wasn't exactly romantic. Perfect for me actually. I don't want a fucking sappy, romantic relationship. Hell, I wanna fucking argue with my boyfriend. It's much more interesting that way.

"Sweetheart." He sang, startling me out of my train of thought. "I don't mean to be dropping any hints but he's teaching you lesson. You can't get everything you want you know. You can't just ignore him for days on end and then begin talking to him again."

At his words, I shrug and roll my eyes. He acts as if I broke up with the damned boy and decided to try walking back into his life when he's already marriage. Soap opera episodes are not my thing. On the other hand, getting my way is. Sometimes at least. What does he mean he doesn't want to 'drop any hints'? What is that supposed to mean? I feel like I'm saying that a lot lately. I guess that's what you get when you talk to either Landon or Noah; unintelligible sentences. Or anyone.

"In this case, I fully intend on getting everything I want. Whether it be Scorpius or whether it be a talk. Is that alright with you?" Before he could say anything else I fix his tie for him and give him my most innocent smile. "I'll let you have... Albus."

Did I mention that I have a knack for fixing other people's clothing?

Don't even start with me for that offer. I have enough cousins to provide the whole school with a boyfriend or girlfriend. And it's not I'm actually going to give him Albus. I don't even know where Albus is half of the time anymore. I think him and Destiny are... I don't know. Maybe she's taking up all his time. Or maybe he's spending all of his beloved time avoiding her. I don't even know why he went out with that poor, idiotic girl again anyway. Once a cheater, always a damn cheater. Why do you think I didn't start dating Paul again. He's cheated on me and broken my heart one too many times already. If I were to give him a second chance and he cheated on me another time... well, I would let my multiple cousins handle that. Sometimes even I have to be a lady.

For a second he actually seemed to be considering the idea, a small smirk spreading on his face, blue eyes glittering. "I assume you didn't know but I've already had. Seconds won't be a problem. Neither will thirds. I can be very persuasive."

Then, once again I was left to ponder a confusing statement made by a Slytherin. Oh, dear wizard magic! I don't I can take the thoughts of Albus and Noah alongside James and Landon. Bloody fuck, I'm not going to be getting any sleep tonight. Is this like Out Everyone Week or something? Sure it's no huge secret that Noah plays for both teams as for Landon, Albus and James... I don't know what the hell to think. I'm not going to ask either. It's really none of my damn business. Hopefully he's just fucking with my mind.

I must admit that James would surprise me more than Albus... Not that I'm saying that Albus is or looks gayer than James. I'm only saying. Noah seems to be quite the convincing person these days. I don't know how but he's had more boyfriends than me and Stephanie put together. As far as I know only him and two other people have come 'out of the closet'. Although, I'm sure that no one was really surprised about Noah because his eyes lingered more on the guys than girls anyway. And the constant flirting and groping only added to suspicions.

It had to be a few more minutes after that when I finally found the brain cells to remember my main goal. As of right now that goal has disappeared after he sauntered off. Now I'm going to have to find him. He's such a freaking pain in the arse. Always making me go and find him. Why can't he just stay in one spot for once?

I can't help but think that I should just not tell him as I go looking for him. Look at my other attempts. Who's to say that this one won't turn out similar. I might end up tripping and smashing my face in the wall or something. My clumsiness is not that apparent though. Doesn't mean it isn't still an option. Who knows? Someone could end up tripping me straight into a trip to the Hospital Wing. All that could happen all because I was trying to talk to some boy who doesn't even want to talk to me. Shameful.

The only good thing that's come out of all this is that I've learned from my mistakes so we won't be seeing them again in the future. Unless it's absolutely necessary or something. Oh, don't be so freaking judgmental. At some point in time things repeat. If they didn't this would be even more of a fucked up world.

Attempt Number Three Pt. II has been a failure. My new favorite number is going to be four. I have a good feeling about this.

First of all I would like to say that Attempt Number Four did not start out how I wanted it to. I was supposed to find Scorpius with Albus so I could tell him and he couldn't get away but he found me first. Yeah, I was just wandering the halls trying to get rid of my nervousness when he bumped into me.

"Watch where you're..." His voice trailed off as he realized the situation he was in. He was trying to avoid me all this time and now we were all alone in a hallway. Alone being the keyword. Haha. When I put it like that it sounds like we're gonna have sex again or something.

Oops! I seem to have walked into who I was looking for. 'Accidentally'. No, really. It was an accident. I just wanted you to think that I planned this.

My prey stalked right into my arms. This is my chance to say what I've been dying to say all this time, right? Too bad I seem to have forgotten how to speak. The only sound I seemed to be to able to make at the moment happened to be small little squeaks. At least it got Scorpius to stay. Although he did look confused as to whether he should try to help me with something or wonder if I was dying. Or of course, if he should just leave me alone but before he could I blocked his way. Pale grey eyes fixated on brown.

"Move!"

"No."

"Move! Please!"

HOLY MOTHER OF MERLIN! A MALFOY JUST SAID PLEASE! And somehow in that little space of time my confidence has came back. Maybe that's because I've been placed on a pedestal at the moment. Sitting on my throne right now. How many people have been able to make a Malfoy say please? I'm going down in history.

"No! And don't you go walking away from me either." I command him.

Here's the funny part actually: The bastard gave me a look that clearly said "Oh, yeah? Just you fucking watch me." Then he turned around and started to walk away. So you're probably like "Tell me she didn't let him get away." Well today's both of our lucky days because I didn't. In fact, I was really desperate so I took out my wand and pointed it at his back. I'm not going to hex him or anything but it does look like a good threat, right?

"Think twice, pretty boy." I yelled down the hall at him and he froze before turning around. I'm not going to chase him around anymore.

"Going to hex me, Weasley? I'm so scared. Well, not really because some girl has been ignoring for the last few weeks and now wants to talk to me. That's not even the reason, really. I've somehow become slightly invisible over those few weeks. One can only think that they've also become invincible. So go ahead and hex me, sweetheart. I'm tired of seeing your face."

If only you could see his face. He looks absolutely mad. And I don't mean angry. That too but not as much as he looks crazy. I mean if you saw a guy who's seventeen throwing a tantrum in the middle of the hallway you'd be a little frightened too. Hold on! He said he's 'tired' of seeing my face? Not trying to be all sensitive and everything but that hurts. Yes, I did overreact a little... Apparently, I'm a nuisance. That's good to know. Feeling a bit angry about his overreacting, I open my mouth to speak but immediately shut it. The look on his face says that he doesn't give a care about anything that I was going to say anyway. What goes around comes around.

Standing in front of me now, he grabs my wand and points it at my face instead. Talk about taking a turn for the worst. He lectures me about how bad of a person I am and then threatens me with my own wand... Attempt Number Four is now going down the drain. For some reason I open my mouth again.

"Don't you fucking say a thing."

I don't.

"Don't you fucking look at me." He whispers.

I close my eyes. I breathe. I most admit that he's scaring me a bit but I guess that's what I get. I ignored him, threatened him, hated him, loved him. A bunch of stuff. I'm not sure exactly about what we have anymore but I'm pretty sure that's going down the drain too. Or maybe it was already in the process. You honestly couldn't have expected this to go on forever. This 'relationship' or whatever the hell it's called. It's not even that really. Whatever it is, or was, it's gone. We're just... us.

At some point I didn't even realize that that's what we've become; us.

"You think you can get whatever you want. You think you can just drop people and then pick them up again. No questions asked. It doesn't work that way. It's not always about you. Other people have feelings. I guess you wouldn't know about that though. You can't turn things off then turn them back on whenever the hell you want. You don't rule the world. The world doesn't revolve around you. This is not your bloody world. You can't treat people however you want all the time and then expect them to love you forever. Everything doesn't happen on your terms..."

Yawn. What a bore. I've heard this all before. It has the same effect as always. Yeah, it kind of hurts my feelings.

"-always about you all the damn time. You're not perfect. No one is..."

Did he ever talk this much? I'm going to tell him now.

"You can't hurt someone then-"

"I'm pregnant." I whisper harshly to keep him from tearing me apart piece by piece anymore.

Now you know that he words do have an effect on me. Now you know that I'm not as tough as I make myself out to be. I can only take so much at a time. I can only be strong for so many people. Sometimes I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Sometimes I feel like everything depends on me. And to hear someone tear me down like that. I just can't take it. It hurts me inside to know that someone hates me that much. That someones hates me enough to despise me.

I open my eyes just in time to see him rush forward and... embrace me? I'm quite confused as to why he's doing all this. After all I've put him through. If I was him I would be calling in the Party Committee right now. I'd be having a party and throwing money around like paper. Heck, I'd go fucking bonkers and never give a shit again. I mean all I did was tell what he's been wanting to hear ever since that day. Then I realize that I definitely forgot to add a word in there. A very, very, very important word. I'm guessing that in my anxiousness I accidentally forgot to add 'not' in there. So it came out as me 'confessing' that I'm pregnant and that it's his.

And holy fuck that came out wrong but I seriously can't bring myself to care when I notice that he's whispering something.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." he says over and over and over again, squeezing me to him like I'll disappear. Like I'll break at any moment.

Frankly, I still don't get it. I don't get why he's apologizing. I don't get why he's hugging me. I don't get why it sounds like he's crying. Lastly, I don't get how we went from never speaking enemies to this. To him holding me why I cry in the hallway not caring who sees. This is the first time I don't care who sees me cry. I deserve this moment at least. I deserve to be hugged by Scorpius even after all he's put me through. I deserve everything.

So Landon was right. I am a selfish bitch. I want everything to myself.

I'm not crying because I'm happy or because he's holding me and this is emotional...

I'm crying because I can't bring myself to tell him the truth. I'm not pregnant.

Author's Note: Long ass chapter. Honestly, I don't know why you people are still reading this horrible story. School's being a little shit so that's taking up most of my time. Sorry. I do appreciate all you guys who read and review and favorite and all that junk though. Once again, when I get the time I'll probably edit the whole fucking story. Sorry for excessive cursing. I should really stop that. YOU GUYS ARE ABSOLUTELY FLIPPING AWESOME AND I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! Glitter and sparkles and xoxoxoxo. Je t'embrasse. :3

I need to write something for my OTP I totally forgot. Try and guess what my OTP is?
And what's your OTP?