To start, just please don't hate me for this. I just wanted to put that out there. (enter weak smile that would get most people slapped across the face)

JACE'S POV

"Where is he?" I asked frantically as we both sprinted inside. Alec and Isabelle met us outside the hospital and were running after us, the motorcycle that we drove completely forgotten and probably lying on the sidewalk somewhere.

My heart was pounding at the thought of what could've been happening. I had no idea why or how this happened to Max, but I was panicking. Even Clary's presence wasn't helping the unease in my gut.

The nurse looked up as we barged in, giving us worried glances. "Jace, he's stable but the doctor can't be disturbed right now. A lot has happened and your mother and Robert want some time alone with the doctor to talk things out."

My mind raced with the new information. "I just want to see him."

"I'm sorry, Jace, but you–"

"Emma, please!" I begged. I grabbed her shoulders and fought back the tears. "I need to see my little brother. I'm begging you."

Alec came up and grabbed my arm. "Jace, you need to calm down before you see him. I know what you're walking into and it's best if you relax before you go."

"But–"

"Trust me." I glanced at my best friend, my eyes burning with unshed tears. He looked at Emma as I began to calm down. "Emma, we can take it from here. When is the earliest that Jace will be allowed in?"

"When he's relaxed and the doctors and your parents are done. Might be a few hours. Might not be until tomorrow."

Alec nodded and tugged me away. "Thank you."

My body was like I wasn't even in it. I knew my legs were moving, but I didn't feel it. My mind wasn't processing what I was seeing or feeling. Apparently, at one point Alec's arm was switched for Clary's. And the next moment, the Hospital air was suddenly fresh air and the tile turned to concrete.

Clary sat me down on the bench, my hand incased in both of hers as she rubbed her thumb over me calmly.

"Jace? Babe, please look at me."

I took many deep breaths, bringing my mind back to sanity. I spoke with my eyes glued to a black spot on the path. "Max might not make it through this."

Clary slid closer to me, our bodies lining. Not even the contact helped me like I wanted it to. "You can't think like that. He's going to pull through this. He's strong."

"He's young," I corrected. "Young and weak from the years of fighting this disease. I knew that he'd never last forever, but I never expected the day to come either." I closed my eyes, feeling that stupid tear finally break through and slide down my cheek. "I'm scared, Clary."

Her thumb came up and brushed it away. I could feel the shock and pain in her touch. I know that feeling things was still new to us, but I never expected her to act like this if she ever saw me this way… all hurt and destroyed. She was acting how I always wanted her to. She was being the girlfriend I needed.

"I'm here for you." She wrapped her arms around my shoulders from the side and put her chin on my shoulder. "You've got to walk me through this."

"I don't know," I shook my head, another tear threatening to fall but I held them all back. "I don't remember losing my parents, and I don't remember ever crying. I couldn't tell you the last time I cried. But now… I feel so empty. It hurts, physically." My hand clutched at my chest, wrapping in the fabric of my shirt. "I've never felt like this."

"I have," she whispered. "But you get through it. You've got me, Jace. You've got Alec and Isabelle and your family and they're all going through this. I know it hurts now, but it's not impossible to get through."

I reached up and pulled at my hair in frustration. "I can't do this."

Without a word, her hands released my neck and pulled at my own. I relented at first out of stubbornness before she finally was able to pry my fingers from my hair. Everything that was doing was almost unintentional, acting somehow I never acted before.

I felt her link her fingers with mine. It was such a small gesture, something so small and gentle and it made me realize that it only worked for it. If this was Isabelle, Alec, Maryse, or anyone else it wouldn't be the same. Clary had a part of me that no matter what she did, it would help more than those that I've cared for over a lifetime.

That was when I realized it. The reason I fought for Clary for so long, the reason my stubbornness wouldn't let me quit, the reason I refused to just sleep with her when we first started, the reason that I burn like a fire whenever I kiss her, the reason that her hands felt like heaven against my skin in every way possible, the reason that…

"I love you, Clary," I blurted out, my eyes opening and turning towards hers.

I didn't mean to say it, but I could easily say that I meant it. Every single word. All three of them. I've never said something with so much meaning and feeling behind it.

I got a lot of silence at first. "I have no idea what you're thinking," I said, looking into her eyes. "What are you thinking?" Still nothing. "Please tell me something."

They were full of emotion, but I could see everything that was rolling around in that pretty little head of hers. But what I saw was… fear. Mixed with love. I could see it. I saw what I was looking for, and it gave me a hope in her silence.

She swallowed and my mind blanked when she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine softly. It was so soft that it was barely there, but I felt it all over.

Her eyes were smiling as bright as her lips - despite the circumstances - when she met my own again. "I–"

"Clary? Jace?"

We both turned to see Alec standing there, looking awkward. Naturally. His hands were behind his back as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

I sighed, hating the terrible, horrible, horrific, and awful timing. "Yes, Alec? What did they say?"

He cleared his throat. "Um, they're keeping Max in lockdown for a while. And Mom knows that you're the only one that knows the way around the ranch like she does. The ranch hands still need guidance, and she's worried with you and your… insistent attitude that maybe it would best to have that, you know, not here where it would hurt but somewhere that it could help."

The realization was harsh, but I understood. "She wants me to go home?"

Alec nodded sadly. "Look, I will text you or call you with every detail that happens but–"

"I get it." I stood, my hand wrapped in Clary's still. "You're Max's blood family. I'm just adopted. I get it."

"You're still our brother, regardless." Alec stepped forward, his hand going to my shoulder. "They said that he's not waking up anytime soon, so I'll probably be home right behind you. I hate this place. But I'm sorry that it's this way, Jace. But you know when Mom makes up her mind, she can't change it."

I squeezed Clary's hand to calm my emotions, nodding slowly. "Yeah. I'll be alright, Alec. Just keep me updated, okay?"

He nodded. I was surprised when he leaned towards Clary and whispered something in her ear. She nodded, slight surprise in her eyes since they don't really communicate all that much in the first place. I had to say that behind all of my pain and hurt right now, Alec's actions surprised me too.

"I will," Clary said as she pulled away, leaning towards me and wrapping her hands around my arm. "You know I will."

"Thank you," Alec said, giving me a quick pat on the shoulder. "I'll see you at home soon."

I nodded before watching him head back into the hospital. I felt rejected as I realized that out of everyone in the family, I wasn't technically allowed in there. Maybe it was the timing or something, but it hurt nonetheless.

"What did he say?" I asked softly, looking down at my girlfriend.

She tugged me along the sidewalk, leaning as close to me as possible. "To take care of you." And then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek lightly. Instantly, I felt, just, better.

CLARY'S POV

It had been four days since Max was put in the hospital, and nothing had gotten better. He was still asleep, the doctors trying to keep the Lightwood family calm but I wasn't sure how well it was actually working. Max wasn't waking up, and the only thing that would help them was for him to open his eyes.

This kind of thing was torturous to watch. The family would go to the ranch one at a time, get there work done, and switch out for the next when they got back. It was horrendous to watch them gradually get less and less spirited about the whole ordeal.

But the thing was that Max had everyone worried, including myself. And it was so unexpected. He was doing so well with the transfusions and all of the treatment, but they had to be more and more frequent recently. Jace explained to me that they were almost doing a transfusion every day or so. And although the family knew that the condition was worsening, they never expected it to actually happen. Optimism, maybe?

So currently, Jace and I had finished training for the day and we were sitting in Max's room in the hospital on the only seat available, his arms around my waist as he held me and we talked. We were finally allowed to visit now that Jace's original shocked emotions were calmed and relaxed.

Max looked awful, honestly. There were so many tubes and wires. His skin was so pale and he just looked weak and exhausted. I felt like if someone hugged him too hard that he would just collapse right then and there.

"Remember when he ran off on Ithuriel a few months ago, when you and I had to stay that night in the cave the first time. It was that huge storm and I was terrified that something would happen to him."

I chuckled and nodded, leaning my head on his shoulder. "Yeah, I remember." I paused. "Sometimes I wonder if certain things didn't happen, would I still be here?"

"What do you mean?"

"If my dad never died or if Max never ran off or if we never went bankrupt, would you and I… you know?"

He shrugged, his thumbs rubbing circles on my back through my tank top. "I'm not sure. I'd like to think so but because of how we used to be, I don't see that happening." He was quiet for a moment before he kissed my cheek though, giving me a weak smile – he hadn't really been smiling much recently anyway. "But we don't need to worry about that, right?"

I shook my head. "Right."

"Get up," He suddenly said, releasing me. "Maryse is coming."

I jumped up, hating how I still can't just constantly comfort him around her. It was easier the night that we found out because Maryse stayed here. When she was around, I had to be cautious. And even though Jace had gotten over the whole 'go home and take care of the ranch' thing, there was still some tension in the air.

Instead I leaned on the wall behind Jace as Maryse walked in with a nurse.

"There's been no improvement at all?" Maryse asked, walking over to Max and taking his deadweight hand.

The nurse shook her head, going through her routine checks. "He's in serious condition and it's been escalating exponentially for weeks. We're doing everything we can."

Maryse nodded and Jace and I were quiet as we continued to watch and wait. My hand itched to at least touch his shoulder to try to calm him, but I just couldn't. So I crossed my arm and kicked at the floor.

"Jace? Clary?"

We both looked up. I missed the part where the nurse left, and it was just the three of us now.

She eyed the both of us. "You don't have to be so cautious around me."

"What?" Jace asked.

"I'm not an idiot. And I know you've been lying to me." She looked down at Max again before looking back at us. "I want everything out on the table now. I don't want secrets around the ranch. We have enough stress as it is."

I was tense as I stood frozen. "Um, Maryse, I don't know what you're talking about."

"She knows," Jace answered. He looked back at me and reached towards me, pulling me towards the chair and back onto his lap. I settled down there out of habit, not because I meant to. "About us."

Maryse nodded, eyeing us as I sat on Jace's lap. "Luke might have mentioned that I needed to keep an eye on you two and I talked to Isabelle about two weeks ago. I'm surprised that you two never told me."

"With my past record, I didn't really want you to worry," Jace confessed. "There's nothing to worry about. We're serious about each other."

She nodded. "Just know that if you two don't end well, neither will our company. I need you to be smart about this. Don't make things complicated or there will be consequences." She pointed a stern finger at us. "Serious consequences that I'm not scared to enforce. Understand?"

I swallowed and nodded, Jace mimicking me.

"And for the love of God, don't be stupid."

And with that, she walked out.

We were quiet for I didn't know how long until Jace finally let out a breath he was holding and pressed his head to my shoulder. "I figured she'd be pissed."

"Maybe she was initially but if Luke talked to her," I thought out loud. "He can be pretty convincing about anything. I mean, with this Max situation, she probably doesn't have the energy to be mad at us anyway."

He nodded. "At least that's one less thing to worry about."

JACE'S POV

It was still hard, especially with Max not even moving a muscle. It was hard to be at the hospital, or to talk about it, or to think about it at all. Clary and I had started a routine to keep it off my mind, and at the moment we were actually walking down the path in the woods.

Funny enough, this traumatic experience not only affected the humans, but the horses too. Opal's health was imperative to the baby, and Simon decided that she needed to go on walks and get her head clear from the stress around the ranch. Luckily, and funny enough, Opal will let Clary ride her for any reason now. Ithuriel even let me up on him for a ride too.

But that's not how we were riding this time. I was on Charmer, Clary on Ithuriel, and Opal in the middle of us. We were careful about riding her too much, since her leg and the baby and a person might be too much. That's Dr. Simon talking for you.

I asked Clary to go on this ride for a reason though. As we walked and dodged limbs from hitting our heads, I muscled up the courage to ask. I wasn't sure what her reaction to be, but I needed to know.

"Clary?"

She turned towards me before yelping when a branch skimmed her cheek. She chuckled and shrugged, looking at me again. "Yeah?"

With a deep breath, I asked, "How did you, you know – when Jonathan and your dad – how did you get over that… experience? How did you get past something like that?"

She was a little shocked at my question. "Um, why do you want to know?"

"If you don't want to talk about it, I get it," I said quickly. "I mean, I don't want to talk about Max so it makes sense but it would just be nice to know how you made it through. You can still smile and laugh and I feel like it's so hard for me to even try. I just need to know how you became yourself again."

Clary nodded. "Maybe we should stop and talk about this?"

We did, pulling up to a small open field. Opal and the other horses were tied to a few nearby trees as Clary sat on the ground, patting the spot next to her. I sat and she leaned into me, her head on my shoulder.

"It wasn't easy," she started after a few moments of silence. "The hardest part was the funeral. Seeing my brother in that casket was harder than my father. Jonathan was always a rock, solid and immovable and he always seemed invincible. And yet, there he was, lifeless and beaten by the world. And my father, he was just as strong and powerful, but neither one could escape fate."

Although I hated the pain and sadness in her voice as she talked, this somehow was making me feel better. The thing was, I wanted to know because I was worried that this would be Max. No one knew how long he'd last, and I needed to prepare myself.

I refused to go into this blindly.

"I had to learn that sometimes, there is nothing you can do. And Opal helped me keep my mind off of it, helped me relax and explore and occupy my time. She helped in every aspect. I would sleep with her in the barn when the nightmares would make it impossible. Even at school, they let me walk her there and keep her in the small barn that they had for some of the horses during hours as long as they could 'use' her during school. The kids loved her, and I didn't mind as long as she didn't hurt. It helped knowing that she was there, just a few hundred yards away, whenever the memories came back and I needed her."

Clary snuggled closer to me as she talked.

"But how I really got over the experiences…" she paused. "What really helped was… crying."

I frowned. "Crying?"

"Letting the emotion out, you know, just pouring it out there." She pulled back with a nod and looked at me. "And you've yet to really do that."

Her implication made me frown even deeper. "I'm not going to cry, Clary. No."

"Jace–"

"I'm upset but–"

"A few tears aren't going to get it out of you." She maneuvered so she sad on her heels, just at my height and grabbed my cheeks softly. "Jace, you don't want to admit it, but I'm with you all the time. I know that it gets to you, that you're worried. Max may or may not make it through this, and you're too worried to get any other feelings out. But you need to. It's just building a bomb that's going to explode otherwise."

I opened my mouth but immediately closed it. I wasn't going to lie and say that I haven't almost broken down about this. At the hospital, I was so full of concern and rage that I couldn't let through. Lately, I've kept myself so busy so I wouldn't have time. But in the shower, or at the gym, I would find myself letting a few tears out as I thought about it. But only when I was alone.

My head was involuntarily shaking when Clary pressed her forehead to my own, closing her eyes. "Jace, I love you, and I know you well enough to know that you need this."

Her words made me choke a bit on my breathing. Yes, I had said it to her. Yes, that was days ago. No, we hadn't talked about it or brought it back up again. I was scared that she wasn't ready, and I wasn't going to push her.

But now… "You do?"

"I've wanted to say it every day since I realized it, but you seemed vulnerable and it felt like the wrong time." She kissed me lightly on the lips, making my body feel more relaxed and slightly, just, better. "But I do love you, Jace. Maybe now isn't the right time, but after all this time, why wait?"

I sat forward enough to grab her hips and lift her onto me. As she continued talking.

"And I want you to cope with this how you need to. You need to let this all out. I know that you're building it up. I can feel it when you kiss me and touch me and I can see it in your eyes." Her fingertips danced across my face, her eyes scanning every centimeter of my own. "You're holding it all in."

"I've always done that."

"But you don't have to with me."

"I–" My voice cracked as I tried to speak, feeling everything she was saying coming at once. The pain was rising as she pointed it out, and the frustration and the anger and the sadness. The worst part was when I felt the first tear slip out. The first of thousands, and Clary reached up and wiped it with her cheek. "I can't-" I choked out, slowly losing control.

"Cry, babe," she whispered, reaching around my neck and pulling my face into her shoulder. "Let it out, Jace. Please. You need to and I need you to."

My arms snaked around her as I felt it, the wave after wave of torture. Max's body on that bed popped into my head and that's when the tidal wave broke through the wall I had built, crumbling it to the ground.

And there, in the middle of the woods with Clary holding me in a vice grip and the horses that I dedicate my life to watching, I cried. I cried in front of them. I cried in front of the critters in the forest and God himself.

Sooooooo, yeah. Love you guys. Stay tuned. Please Dont Hate Me... ha. ha... ha.