Chapter Twenty Six: A Relapse

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For the first time in her life, Sera Gearhardt had voluntarily walked into a Justice Department building without being dragged in by cops..

To say that this was well outside of her comfort zone was an understatement. Last time she in a place like this, she had been picked up for a possession charge and got put on a 14 month probation sentence. She had to manually remind herself that she was not in trouble as she approached a cop for directions and the cop only smiled and helped her instead of giving her the third degree. She wasn't quite the stringy skeleton of a junkie anymore. She could now more or less fit in with normal society, even if it felt so weird to do so.

Being here, surrounded by lawyers and cops was not exactly her ideal place to meet James Amber, but it was the only option she seemed to have right now. She didn't want to disturb him on his time off, he did not answer her calls, and so she texted Rachel about what she should do. The message she got back was short and completely devious.

Nothing backs my Dad into a corner quicker than approaching him at work.

As much as Sera did not want to put James on the spot, she still had made a promise to her daughter that she would try to pull him from out of his self-imposed hell. She did not know if she was the right person for the job, but she had to at least crack the door open.

If James let his guard down just enough, she could lure him into a situation where she could involve Joyce, who Rachel had also apparently asked for help from. For about a few hours or so, Sera had felt a small jealousy towards Chloe's mother; how dare that Rachel had asked Joyce to help. It felt that perhaps Rachel hadn't trusted her as much as she had thought. However after a bit of time to contemplate, she understood why Rachel did it. Joyce and James had a very similar situation, and Rachel was not proud enough to ignore another resource to help him through his grief.

So with that in mind, Sera was ready to work with Joyce, contrite for her unfounded assumptions.

She paused her walking as she noticed James Amber – District Attorney emblazed on a solid looking oak door and approached it, ignoring the two cops sitting on a bench outside, drinking coffee and glancing up at her. She exhaled and knocked on the door for a moment.

"Enter!" she heard James brisk voice boom from inside the office.

As the cops looked away from her as they too heard James Amber, Sera opened to the door to the office and stepped inside. Ignoring the small rumble inside of her, Sera looked at James sitting on the couch, working on a laptop. He looked beaten down, like he had been at work overnight. She doubted very much that Arcadia Bay and the surrounding region were in need of its district attorney that much, so it had to be him.

As she nearly glided towards his desk, James looked up and shut his laptop. He looked rather startled or weary perhaps at the sight of her standing in his office, examining a family photo he had of Rachel when she was about 13ish if she used her own collection of Rachel photos as a point of reference.

"Sera," he said behind her, his words struggling to remain level. "You look… grown up."

A smile formed privately on her face at the observation. Yes, she supposed she had forgone her standard t-shirt and jeans or summer dress, replacing it with a light grey wool knit sleeved dress which covered her body art nicely. Still clutching Rachel's photo, Sera turned back and immediately noticed that James Amber, a man who had spent years hating her and two years carefully holding her at an arms-length out of suspicion had been checking her out.

She did not know exactly what to make of it. Perhaps she was just making an assumption. She was in a foreign environment and was with a man who was in a tangible position of power over her. Perhaps she was overvaluing her attractiveness. Still… the thought of James looking at her in any way other than a pest had left her feeling… thrown out of a comfort zone.

In her mind, it was far easier to live with his mistrust then it was with this lurking… old feeling that the two of them had long thought was dead and buried; because as she set the photo of a smiling tiny teen Rachel back down on the desk and looked at James, whatever it was he was feeling as he looked at her had popped up in her and it scared the ever loving hell out of her already.

"Thank you, I guess…" Sera murmured as she pushed all the fear that she had out of her voice and stepped towards him slowly. "I figured I should dress up if I was coming to a government building not in handcuffs…"

That was meant to be a joke – an admittedly awful one – but a joke nonetheless. James, however, was not laughing. He looked far too worn out to do anything so basic. So there he sat, looking up at Sera like he was staring at a pest which he did not know whether to exterminate or embrace. Sera watched as James visibly swallowed before he gestured to the spot on the couch next to him.

Sera obliged her ex and sat down on the edge of the couch. She straightened out her hem briefly before she crossed one leg over the other. She allowed James a slight smile as she watched put the laptop on the table next to his couch and turned back to face her.

That old familiar coldness was back; but it was not directed at her. It was just how he looked at others these days. Everyone was subject to his careful scrutiny. If he had his way, he would never let his guard down again, which was an insane way to live and coming from the likes of her, that must have said something.

"What are you doing here, exactly?" James asked her, his eyes searching her face as though he was worried. "Is everything okay?"

Sera nodded quickly and ignored the small flutter in her at the concern he had unexpectedly displayed. It was sort of like a crack through his defenses which she got to see the man she once loved, the man she had come to befriend again in the month that led up to the loss of Rose Amber.

She missed it, and she would relish ever second she got to see it.

"Yes everything is fine, James," she gently reassured the father of her daughter. "I just… thought I would come and see if you were busy."

James quirked his mouth upwards as he examined her.

"I'm at work, I think it should be obvious," was his curt reply. He exhaled and as he rested his arm on the couch arm, he sort of smiled as he added. "Well… out with it then, what's the latest word from Rachel and Chloe?"

Sera shifted uncomfortably in her seat at his question. Under any other circumstances she would be happy to switch the course of the conversation to their one constant connection, but that was before she got the call from Rachel this morning.

Usually Rachel texted to her updates on the trips rather than get hanged up in phone conversations which every party involved knew Sera would attempt to drag out as long as she could just to hear her voice. So whenever Rachel called Sera, she just knew that those girls were up to something. After what the two girls had told her what they planned to do and advice they attempted to get from her. Well… it was so much more then she had expected.

"They are heading to Alvord Desert for a couple of days," Sera informed James slowly. "Rachel… may have been asking me if I knew anything about Peyote. Apparently they are interested in the full desert experience."

Judging from the horror that spread over James' face, her attempt to ease him into the knowledge did not exactly work as she had wanted. To be fair, it wasn't far from the reaction she had when she first heard their plans.

"What did you say about it?" he breathed.

Sera bit back the small annoyance that crossed into her feelings. She shrugged and pushed herself back into the couch.

"This might come as a surprise, but I'm not nearly the one woman narcotic playbook you two make me out to be," she snapped back, unable to hold back her bristling anger for much longer. "All I told them was not to go in it with a bad vibe, and that's only because you took me to see Young Guns when we were still just babies!"

Sera went silent and the two parents of the fledgling pyschonaut stared at each other as the absurdity that Sera would recall that date from 1988 so unexpected seemed to simmer some of the anger that was brewing in James. It was obvious he hated the idea of Rachel doing something as mind bending as messing around with hallucinogenic plants… but what could he exactly do? By the time she got home, Rachel would be an adult. Free to do as she pleased.

Sera exhaled. Perhaps it would just be the one time. Although this couple with the whole Victoria Chase incident three weeks ago and the dalliances between Rachel and drugs – whether intention or not – was an uncomfortable thing to think about. All that she could do was trust in her judgement… and trust that Chloe Price would do the right thing.

Ext to her, James loosened his tie and like her, he too attempted to settle into the couch again. Sera glanced at him as he looked away, clearly lost in his thoughts and fears. Sera could only hope that James, like her, would trust in Chloe's judgement. So far it hadn't failed them. Perhaps there were an occasional lapse, but they were young and that was to be expected. This however… this was something no doubt Chloe would be on top of.

At least that was what she hoped…

"Is this why you're here?" James asked her, turning his attention once again back to her.

Sera shook her head. It wasn't, and she supposed it was about time to get back to her reason for being here. With the eyes of a District Attorney searching her for some sort of hint as to why she was sitting here in his office, Sera exhaled and smiled at James once again.

"I… just I was just wondering if you'd like to hang out with me some time…" she said to him as she twisted her body to properly face him.

James just blinked at her.

"Hang out?" he repeated, incredulous at the idea Sera had suggested.

Sera nodded curtly, smiling a little wider now that it was out in the open. It was really all that she could do as the cogs in James' head seemed to be turning, debating whether or not this conversation was actually happening.

"Yes," Sera replied, folding her hands on her lap. "As far as I know the kids are still doing that these days; why not us old people?"

Accepting that this was actually happening, James narrowed his eyes.

"And do what exactly?" he asked, his words carefully spoken as though he had stepped into a minefield accidentally. She supposed considering their history, it was not far from the truth.

Sera gave him a small shrug. She hadn't really gotten that far into the idea to have any sort of details or plans she could give him.

"I don't know for certain," she admitted to him as she slid a little closer. "We could walk the boardwalk, eat something, smoke and be cynical Gen-X losers attempting to recapture lost youth. You know… hang out."

James continued to stare for a moment before he turned away from her, leaving Sera apparently the only one left in this conversation. She ignored the urge to just stop trying and instead she pushed herself closer to him.

"You know, I'm taking a big risk here, asking you to do stuff without a plan to it," she said, attempting to instill some humor into this. "I keep everything organized, everything meticulous so that I am rarely left with facing an unknown to trip me up. Yet here I am, sitting in your office in disregard of a working policy to be here with you."

James did not acknowledge her, instead he pushed himself off the couch and silently walked over to the edge of his desk and sat down, his eyes locked on the door as though he either wanted nothing better than to escape this room and Sera as she continued to look up at him with a patience that barely masked her growing fear. She wondered if James understood the power he still had over her, and just his political pull. He still knew all the right things to say that would completely destroy her on the spot.

That was the trouble with opening your heart to another… they would learn the perfect means to destroy you at your core.

"Is sitting in the same room as I really a relapse trigger for you?" he asked her, his focus still not directed to her.

Sera shook her head. That wasn't what she was trying to convey… not really… She was trying not to make it about herself, but she was such a champion at screwing up that it was hard not to bring it back around to her.

"No, I'm saying that I'm trying here," she refuted his assumption. "I'm stepping well outside my comfort here and for your sake you need to try as well; because all of this… you drowning in your work, losing a ton of weight not taking care of yourself... we have our differences but I still care for you, and I don't want to see you… languish in this."

She stood up as well and approached him, keeping a relatively respectful distance between her and James, his intense glare at the door sent a shiver up her spine. It was a feeling she didn't have time to feel.

"You still have people who love you, and you throwing those people away for a ghost is not doing anyone any favours, and certainly not you," she pressed on, evincing as James stiffened. "I don't know where you're coming from, James. I cannot imagine how it must feel to have lost someone I loved like you and Rachel have… but believe me when I say that as low as you think you can get, you can always sink lower."

She knew full well how insensitive she must have sounded, but truth trumped comfort at the moment. She didn't know Rose well, but Rose was certainly not a woman who would want the man she loved to just lie down and die alongside her in spirit as he was only too happy to do.

James looked away from his focus on the wall behind Sera, and instead directed his attention to her,

"And what are you hoping to accomplish, exactly?" James spoke back, his voice slightly quivering with repressed fury "Rachel undoubtedly asked you to do this, right?"

Staring back at James, Sera took another tentative step forward; her heart was beating in overdrive as his intense focus was now completely devoted to her.

"Rachel provided me the justification to being here, yes…" Sera breathed out as she took another step forward. "…but… if I'm being honest, I have wanted to try this for some time now. I… thought we could try to be friends again."

The anger in James eyes somewhat faltered as the truth Sera wanted to say for a year and a half finally came out in the open. He just sat there looking at Sera and the mixture of earnest hope and utter embarrassment for being so open about what she wanted. In spite of her embarrassment, however, she stood by it. She locked her mouth shut so that she did not say anything stupid.

"I… thought we already were…" James asked out loud, the anger replaced with a curiosity.

He furrowed his brow as Sera shook her head lightly.

"James, we both know that the only thing keeping us together the past few years has been Rachel," she reminded him as she laced her hands together. "I appreciate everything you've done for me and for the trust you shown… but at the end of the day it doesn't just… make us friends like that. I got the chance to start again with Rachel, and now I want to start again with you as well… I want to help you properly… without all the baggage we have."

Sera closed the gap. She hadn't blinked as the height difference between James and her become much more pronounced. Breathless, she extended her hand to reach his wrist. James was quicker; he batted her hand away and stood up straight, adding several more inches to his height.

"Is this some sort of pity thing? I'm not… I'm not interested in it, Sera..." he asked, his voice was incredulous sounding as he looked down on her.

Again she shook her head. Undeterred by his reaction, Sera reached out and grabbed his wrist again. This time he did not resist. The two of them stood there in a locked silence as Sera remained a calming sight as James looked like he was trying to regain control over his feelings.

"This is not pity. I want to be your friend James," she reaffirmed with as much strength as she could produce. "Before we… fell for each other, you were my best friend. You were the only person in this world that I trusted implicitly. Falling for you was the easiest, most natural thing I had ever felt in my life… and then I lost it…"

Sera paused and allowed him a smile.

"I never thought I would get an opportunity to be in this position again, but here I am and I want nothing more than to have my best friend back," she pressed on, unable to hide the note of desperation any longer. "I want to be there completely for him, especially when I see him in this much pain and thinking he has to do this alone. Because you're not alone, and I want to help you see that. You have spent your entire adult life helping others, protecting others…would you please let me help you now?"

Sera breathed out unsteadily as finally had to blink. As she lowered her eyes and did her utmost to ignore the self-doubt now eating away at her, she felt James' free hand reach out, and in a surprising display of tender care for a former love, turn enemy, turn whatever they were now, James pushed back her loose bangs back from out of her eyes.

Sera looked up immediately as another old familiar warm feeling broke through the layers she had built up around herself for her interactions with a man whom she loved… whom she still loved in a way that she shouldn't have. Her mind could give a million reasons why James Amber and her could never happen again, but her heart… it leaned towards the illogical desire that had hit her as she stared up at him.

"Fine," James agreed in a lower tone than usual. "We'll try this your way. I'll be on call tomorrow… so we can try this… hanging out thing then… okay?"

Sera smiled and reluctantly released her grasp on her ex-husband. As Sera took a step back, she could not help but slightly feel dazed by the small grin he wore. He seemed a little impressed that Sera had talked him into this.

"So…" James said to her, causal humour etched into his tone. "…a couple of Gen-X losers recapturing youth?"

Sera ran her hand over the back of her neck.

"Not everyone gets to run across the Northwest taking psychedelics with their blue haired vixen, but I think we can manage," Sera assured him. "We could meet at The Two Whales and we'll have breakfast first."

James nodded, apparently unaware that Two Whales meant Joyce, and Joyce meant Sera would have the opportunity to enact phase two of her plan in easing him out of his state. With her goal achieved, Sera stepped back from him and headed to the door, James following after her.

As they reached the door, Sera turned around and looked up at James once again. She wasn't exactly sure how to finish this conversation.

"Alright then, I will see you tomorrow," he said, doing her a favour and initiating their farewell for her. "But I'm warning you right now: If you make me listen to any more Riot Grrrl music I'm cancelling the whole thing."

Sera could not stem the laughter that erupted from her. She had almost forgotten about that. Playfully she rolled her eyes at him, her hand shoving his shoulder as her grin widened.

"Come on, you can't sit there and tell me I didn't rock your fucking world listening to L7," she blurted out, forgetting completely to filter her words

The two of them froze at Sera's confident statement. Sera could feel the heat overwhelming her senses as she stood there staring at the dumbfounded James. She wanted to die or run away from this room and hide for the next few days as she watched James reach back to run his fingers along his top vertebrae. She watched in numb surprise as James properly smirked.

"Okay… perhaps that was a good time," he admitted coyly as Sera pried open the door. "You know what though, wasn't that how Rachel was concealed? It would explain everything, or at least why she's with Chloe. I'll see you tomorrow then, Sera…"

Unable to provide a proper verbal response, Sera nodded and left the room mortified and perhaps a little surprised that she had gotten that much out of him. He was mourning, but he was still alive and still a man. Sera sighed as she forced herself not to sprint towards the nearest exit. If the path to heel was paved with good intentions, then she was dangerously close to trailblazing her way straight into her personal devil's bed.

If she was going to just be his friend, then that was all she was going to be. There couldn't be any room for anything else…

Maybe…

…

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Eeek, heterosexuals in a LiS story!

I know I know where is Amberprice and Maximum Victory! I said this was a summer of love, I didn't say that they would be the only pairings I focused on!

For real though, this section needed to be released, but it wasn't fitting into the next chapter or two, so like the Sera and James chapter long before this it's just them, which will happen from time to time.

As always I appreciate your continues support. Be sure to leave a message and I'll be sure to get around to answering it!

Next Chapter: Chloe and Rachel go on a journey. Or Victoria and Max continue to have no chill with each other. I guess it all depends on which side wants which more.