Chapter 26: Confidence Issues and Differing Views

There are a few things about me people don't know. Namely, that I'm a coward.

I hated confrontations. I hated attention. I hated the assessing stares people used when seeing me for the first time. They're judging me, putting me through a test of whether to be nice or not. Whether I'm worthy of their attention or friendship. I hated being put in leadership positions, having others depend on me. Because if I failed, I would feel the blame, blame, blame from others but worst of all would be that I failed the people depending on me. They would fail. Because of me.

Myfaultmyfaultmyfault.

Sure I acted strong. I acted tough, I acted prickly, and sometimes I said some pretty harsh things. But it was only a front, put on to protect myself so as not to let others get close.

Because I was too cowardly to get hurt.

And it had finally dawned on me. This world…was my worst nightmare.

Because I would have to be a leader. In every. Single. Battle. It was like some particularly gruesome final test I'd have to take and then finally summer break. This world was the test and my other world was the summer break.

Man, I would welcome mathematics compared to this.

I'd been put in leadership positions before, but it had always been unwillingly and I usually took a hands-off approach that nobody minded. I didn't have the aura of a leader, the natural charisma that made people listen. The only way I could get people to hang on my every word was if I was telling a particularly riveting tale or a good joke.

No. If you put me in a dictionary I would be: "Catch M. Hall. Pronunciation: /kaCH em hôl/ Noun. Bumbling sidekick. Foil to the protagonist. Most likely to die a horrible death saving said protagonist and then be replaced in the sequel. Stooge."

But I had made myself that way. It's easy to be the sidekick when everyone else considers themselves heroes. Somebody had to support the big guys.

So why was I here? Why, of all people, had I been chosen?

It's not like I wanted this. I was sure there were plenty of people who'd rather be in my place. Like the Red fangirls that paired him up with either Green or themselves. Oh yeah. They'd be having a field day here.

I had never been a fan of Red, or anybody really. Video games were video games, and what was the use of fangirling over anybody? And…I don't know, Red was just too…bland. I didn't really think of him as having a personality. He was another silent protagonist for gawd's sake.

I remembered a conversation I'd had with my fellow nerdy Pokémon friends on Red. They'd been so obsessed about his character and I'd been like: "What character? He never says anything."

Oh man, am I eating my words right now.

But seriously, all those daydreams my friends fantasized were all very nice except for one thing.

This world worked in loops.

Meaning, once it ended (and it would end, with my help or not), the Red I knew, with all the memories he had, would be no more and life would start all over again.

At least according to the Professor.

But the real question was: where would I be then?

So far, nobody could answer that.

Once a loop ended, and a person from another world was still there, what would happen? Would I lose all memories as well and become endlessly trapped in this world like Red? Or would I drift afloat in dimensional space and never be found again?

Such possibilities frightened me. It was best to just be there for it and try and find a way out of this whole mess. Once I completed the Pokédex, maybe everything would become clear.

Or maybe I'm just speeding the process to my doom.

Think happy thoughts, Catch. Think happy thoughts.

"So, you're here to battle too, then?" Misty's voice popped my thought balloon and I was suddenly brought back to the real world.

"Yes," I answered, voice trembling and high-pitched. I coughed. "I mean, yes," I repeated in a firmer tone.

Misty nodded, a hint of scorn in her eyes. "Well, I'm not going to lose twice."

Humph, I won't lose at all you twit!

I took out my Poké Ball. There was more riding on this than just my pride, after all.

ooo

After the first match, I returned Granola. She was looking pretty tired out, and I didn't want to overwork her. Better to give her a break rather than drive her into the ground.

Misty's eyes had lost their contempt, replaced by curiosity and a little caution.

No, don't look at me with those assessing eyes. Don't. I'm nothing special.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to show my queen card so soon.

But I still had an ace up my sleeve.

"Go, Starmie!" the Gym Leader cried, throwing a Poké Ball that opened with a flash of purple light, the dreaded Pokémon appeared.

No don't panic don't panic keep calm think Catch what Pokémon did you plan? Oh yeah Cream Puff—

"I choose you, Cream Puff!" I yelled, chuckling internally at the cheesiness of the phrase while throwing my own Poké Ball. And seriously, what was up with throwing Poké Balls? Couldn't we just release them the ordinary way? I mean—

"Starmie, Swift now!"

This was bad.

Unlike Mock who specialized in long-range shooting, Colby who focused on hit-and-run, Granola who was an expert on sweeping, Olive who dedicated herself to martial arts, or Pepper who concentrated on pure power, Cream Puff was the support. She softened the enemy with her Sing and Disable attacks, making them easier to take down.

Misty probably knew this, so it was in her best interest to defeat Cream Puff as soon as possible.

And it might just work, since Starmie's speed was so far above Cream Puff's it wasn't even funny.

Which means you need to concentrate.

But still, what Cream Puff lacked in speed she made up for in pure stubbornness.

It was kind of like looking in a mirror sometimes.

"Puff, go for Plan S!"

"Puff!" the Jigglypuff nodded and curled up in a ball, taking the Swift attack a bit better than she would have normally. Unfortunately, Starmie immediately followed up with a Rapid Spin. I would've ordered a Disable right then but it was Water Pulse I was really worried about. The move may be a bit weaker than Bubblebeam had been in generation one, but its chance of causing confusion were what really worried me.

Puff took in a deep breath and started to sing, "Jiiiigalyp—"

"Starmie, go underwater!" Misty cried suddenly.

"Puff, stick your head in the pool!"

Ridiculous-sounding? Yes. Did it work anyway? Maybe.

I wasn't worried about Natural Cure anymore since Misty had botched that up by letting her Staryu get eliminated. She may be a Gym Leader, but her hot temper and stubbornness to see a battle through prevented her from being truly great. She could have done nasty things to my team switching Pokémon and spamming Recover.

Oops. Time to focus on the battle and less on my internal monologue. Sing always shook up my concentration, though I was getting better with experience.

I couldn't see the result of the attack, but since there was no action from underwater I assumed it worked.

Well…now what?

Um…

"Return, Puff. Mock, it's your turn!"

It was risky calling my ace out when I wasn't even sure if Starmie was sleeping. But still…Mock was the only Pokémon I had that could take advantage of this situation.

He appeared in a flash of violet light, and I nodded to him. "Mock, Plan CA your newest move!"

The turtle nodded back, and in a graceful swimmer's dive, pierced the water's surface and dove under.

A leader had to make tough choices. A leader had to decide whom to send in battle and whom one could risk, could sacrifice to make the final win.

Was my choice the right one? I had no way of knowing for now.

It was a little nerve-wracking, standing there with all eyes on me. My stage fright wasn't as bad as it used to be, but it was still there. I had at least four people looking at me, five if Misty was. Red was the one I was really worried about, though.

He had been completely silent after the "talk." I hadn't had a chance to really ask his feelings on the matter of us separating. He had seemed okay, but he was good at hiding things.

Stop being so distracted! I scolded myself. Keep your eye on the ball, as it were. You've played in enough sports to know splitting your attention is never a good thing.

I breathed in. Perhaps, like in sports, I had to "get in the zone" or flow as the scientists called it. I was rather good at that, actually.

My one friend could do it even better though…

I pushed away all thoughts of home and focused instead on the battle before me, eyes sharpening.

The pool erupted in a fountain of water, two Pokémon leaping from the cascade to the pool's edge.

My eyes went immediately to Mock, checking his condition. For now, he was fine, if a little weary.

I looked at the Starmie. Tired, but still in fighting form. Great. Another long battle.

"Mock, don't give up yet!"

"Tortle!" he nodded grimly and faced Starmie.

I tried to remember as much as I could about Starmie. The mysterious Pokémon. Its core was said to flash all the colors of the rainbow. Part-psychic. Devastating in competitive battling as an offensive spinner. Weak to electric, grass, bug, ghost, and dark-type moves.

That was my cue.

"Aim for the core, Mock. That's its weakness." I had learned my lesson. Shouting out directions in the middle of a skirmish wasn't the smartest move I'd ever made. Best to clarify things early on.

The only Flygon in my ointment was the fact that Mock preferred long-range shooting. He was definitely more of a gunman than a swordsman if you used video game analogy. He'd probably love first-person shooters, now that I think on it.

Concentrate, Catch. You don't actually have ADD, so act like it!

Mock dove for the Starmie right as it leapt into the air, managing to latch onto one of the purple spikes. Clambering up, he opened his jaws wide and bit down. Hard.

"Awesome, Mock!"

The Starmie made a strange, almost auto-tuned cry that probably sounded awesome underwater, but it was in the air at the moment.

"Starmie, Water Pulse, now!"

The star-shaped Pokémon shook itself and let loose with a close-ranged ring of water that blasted Mock right off its body and straight into the wall.

Shit. "Oh no! Mock!" I ran up to my Pokémon, wincing at the small crater his body had made. "Are you all right?" I cradled his head gently. A large bump on the back of his skull and the pained cries he made answered that question.

"Great…" I sighed.

"You ready to forfeit now?" the Gym Leader asked, a cocky smirk in her voice.

Bristling at her tone, I whipped around, glaring darkly at the stupid redhead. "Just because you're a redhead doesn't mean that you get to talk to me like that or treat my precious Pokémon that way. Soulless jerk," I muttered the last two words. "Return, Mock." He was out for now, but I still had five other Pokémon left, even if two were a little tired, and two others were virtually useless.

I have to think positive. I've been so negative lately; I'm surprised a raincloud hasn't been trailing me. It's time for optimism! I will win. I have to.

"I'll never forfeit," I laughed. "After all, I'm Catch M. Hall from the town of Pallet, and I'm training to be the world's best Pokémon catcher!"

Did I detect a groan from my stalwart traveling companion? Whatever. It was true…sort of.

Maybe this is the key to being a good leader. I have to hope…and have confidence in my Pokémon and myself.

Confidence could do wonders after all.

Misplaced confidence, on the other hand…

No. Negativity time over.

For now, I had to have faith.

Even if my ace is down, I will trust in the heart of the cards…or at least my Pokémon.

"Go…Cream Puff! You can do it!" I shouted, throwing the Poké Ball with all the dramatic flair I could muster.

"Hah! That trick won't work a second time! Starmie, don't give her Jigglypuff any time to use Sing on you."

Dang. Too predictable. Didn't Red teach me not to be that way?

Humph. It's time to play by my rules. Maybe predictability will work in my favor…

"Puff, Plan S, and try to watch out for its Water Pulse." I gave my Pokémon a meaningful nod.

She nodded in return and faced up to the Starmie, eyes determined.

"All right, Starmie. Give it a Swift!"

"Puff, into the water!"

The Jigglypuff dove for the pool, bobbing to the surface immediately afterward to receive a face full of stars.

"Bad move," Misty grinned another of her shark-smiles. "The water's my territory." She pointed at the pool, "Starmie, Rapid Spin!"

The Pokémon spun in the air toward the pool…straight toward Cream Puff!

"Puff!" the balloon Pokémon cried, floating helplessly on the water's surface.

I gritted my teeth. "Defense Curl, Puff!"

The Pokémon immediately curled into a ball, managing to withstand the attack.

Pokémon were pretty hardy, but that didn't mean I liked watching them fight any better. I had to end this somehow. "Puff, Sing!"

"Starmie, Water Pulse!"

"Quick, use Disable!"

"What?"

"Now!"

Puff's eyes glowed blue, and she stared straight at the Starmie, causing the Pokémon to shiver in place.

"Good job, now return Puff," I ordered. "Go, Pepper!"

The Nidorina emerged, and I relayed my orders quickly. "Pepper, we're fighting a Starmie here. Its weak point is its gem, so aim for that with your Poison Sting."

"Dori!" she answered, nodding.

"Good, then go for it! While it's distracted!"

"Ina!" the Pokémon charged forward, opening her mouth and firing a salvo of violet needles in quick succession.

"That's it! Go for it, Pepper!"

I had noticed that unless she was injured, Pepper relied mainly on keeping a fair amount of distance between herself and her opponent. This would work to my advantage right now.

"Keep at it, Pepper! That's it!"

"Recover, Starmie!"

"Crap!"

The mysterious Pokémon glowed yellow, orbs of flight flickering around it like they had for Staryu. This wasn't good. The battle could last forever at this rate.

"Well, what now?" Misty teased. "Ready to give up?"

"Never!" I retorted. Think, Catch…

"Hah! You newbies!" Misty wagged a finger at me. "All you care about is how many Pokémon you can capture. You don't care about raising the few Pokémon you have to their full power. I'll show you that it's quality over quantity!"

"Whatever!" I yelled. "I care about quality too, but the more Pokémon you have, the better off you'll be."

"It's about raising a few Pokémon!"

"No way! You can always concentrate on a few, but it's best to have a good number to choose from!"

"Your Pokémon will never grow if you have too many!"

"More is better!"

"Less is better!"

"No, more!"

"Less!"

"More!"

"Less!"

"More!"

"Less!"

"Um…are you guys going to continue the match?" swimmer Luis asked.

"That's right. We have a battle to finish," Misty said.

"Humph, my Pokémon will definitely trump yours."

"In your dreams!"

"They'll never quit…" somebody mumbled in the background.

"Yeah…"

"You're just a little brat," Misty said. "I'll beat you for sure."

"No way! And hey! Pepper! I see you smirking over there! Why don't you beat this brat's Starmie?"

"Brat? You're the brat!"

"Nuh-uh! You are!"

"Just battle!" the Gym guide shouted through a megaphone he had somehow gotten ahold of.

"All right, all right…as soon as I get my ears checked…" I grumbled. "Pepper! Attack!"

"Rina!"

"Go, Starmie!"

"Kuuu…"

Pepper kept on showering her opponent with Poison Sting; withstanding the various attacks sent in retaliation. But without Water Pulse, the Starmie's arsenal was nerfed, and it wasn't as much of a threat anymore.

Now to deal with that stupid Recover thing it has…

Right as I thought that, the Starmie hunched over, glowing purple for a second.

"Starmie! Are you okay?"

"Kuu-aaa…"

"Your dumb Nidorina poisoned it..." Misty glared at me.

"Pepper was only doing her job! It's your dumb Starmie's fault for getting poisoned!"

"Starmie's fault! As if!"

"Humph. You shouldn't have to deal with her, Pepper. Return," I commanded. "Granola, on the other hand, has much thicker skin…and feathers."

"Ugh! You're bringing out your stupid bird again?"

"That stupid bird totally creamed your Staryu. You're just jealous you don't have a team of six awesome Pokémon to choose from like I do."

"I have four! That's enough!"

"Four schmour. Six is only one number away from lucky seven."

"Four is just enough!"

"You know that four is a homonym for death in some cultures, right?" Like the Japanese one, for instance.

"Hah. Well in some cultures three sixes is equally bad."

"My bad will so defeat your bad." I wasn't even sure what that meant, but it sounded good.

"Yeah right."

"Hey Misty, we're closing the Gym up so no more trainers can come in. Is that okay?"

"What? It's that time already?"

"Um…yeah. You've been at it for a while now…"

I chuckled nervously. "Eheh…let's finish this."

"I couldn't agree more."

Our Pokémon, who had been sitting on the sidelines, got back into position.

"Granola, you know what to aim for, so go for it!"

"Geaaau!"

"Starmie, fight like the winner you are!"

"Kuuu!"

Granola flapped high into the air and dive-bombed the Starmie, straight for the red jewel in its center.

"Starmie, dodge!"

The Pokémon flipped out of the way and let loose a stream of stars that Granola couldn't avoid. She wouldn't last long at this rate, but sweepers weren't meant to last. They were meant to attack.

And that's just what she did.

Whipping up a wild windstorm, the bird tossed the star around the Gym, directing the homemade gale into the walls and ceiling. Every hit cracked the gem in the Starmie's center more and more.

Now to finish it off before it can use Recover.

Granola was probably thinking the same thing. She'd seen Staryu use that move and looked eager to finish the fight, exhausted as she was. Guiding the storm with all the grace of a concert conductor, she forced it to throw the mysterious Pokémon straight into her talons.

The Starmie struggled, but the Pidgeotto's grip was tight. With the force of her whole body behind her, the bird jabbed her beak straight into the cracked red jewel, shattering it immediately.

I sunk to the floor gracelessly; relieved as anything it was over. Somehow…we pulled it off.

Misty and I both returned our Pokémon and walked back to the podium. "Congratulations, Catch. You're not half-bad, though I still think that quality counts over quantity," she smiled with sharp eyes, and handed over the reward money.

"You're not so shabby, either," I grinned back, eyeing her carefully. Even if she was hot-tempered, she still had the grace to accept defeat with a smile. I couldn't help but like her.

We shook hands firmly, and I couldn't feel happier. I was floating on air…or water.

"Here," she handed over a teardrop-shaped emblem. "You can have the Cascade Badge to show that you beat me."

"Thanks," I smiled and took the Badge, fingers curling around it. This was solid proof. Proof that perhaps…I could make it as a Pokémon trainer. It was almost unbelievable.

"Now, to explain. The Cascade Badge makes all Pokémon up to level thirty obey. This includes even outsiders you got in trades," Misty recited, finger held up in "lecture mode."

"Uh-huh," I nodded, pasting an earnest expression on.

She stared at me suspiciously. "There's more. You can now use Cut anytime, even out of battle. You can cut down small trees to open new pathways." She laughed in embarrassment. "I would have given you my favorite TM, but I already gave it to him," a blush reddened her face as she looked down shyly.

I smiled, nudging her. "I see. Playing favorites, are we?"

"No way!" she shook her head angrily, but the blush was still there.

I grinned, "Don't worry. I don't need a TM to become the world's greatest Pokémon catcher." I laughed.

"Yeah, speaking of that…what does that even mean?"

"I'm going to…catch 'em all!" I held up a cheesy peace sign.

"Ugh…" Misty facepalmed. "You really fit your name, don't you?"

We both laughed. There was something about Pokémon battles…like sports, it was a tension-reliever. You could squabble like cats during the battle but afterward you shook hands and made up. All the pent-up stress I'd been feeling lately had finally released.

"Well…I have to close the Gym down…" Misty said finally. "It's…" she glanced over at a clock on the wall. "Eight o'clock already! Wow, time sure does fly when you're having Pokémon battles."

"It sure does," I agreed. "We better get going then. Bye guys, bye Misty." I waved at the other people, from the Gym trainers to the Gym guide, and back to the Gym Leader herself.

"Bye! Come back again for a rematch! Both of you!" Misty waved.

"Hah! If we do, we'll beat you for sure!"

"We'll see about that!"

I walked back to the entrance, navigating the walkway carefully. "Hey, Red," I nodded, a bit nervous despite myself. Man, why did I have to make a fool of myself in front of my new friend, of all people? I shouldn't have argued with Misty…

He gave me a rare smile and nodded. You did well.

I beamed, and, in my excitement, gave him a short hug, before hopping up and down. "I'm so happy! I won! I won!"

Feeling a wave of heat from behind, I gulped and turned around to see Misty, flames in her eyes.

Waving my hands in front of me, I mouthed: Just friends, don't worry.

Misty sniffed and turned away. What makes you think I like him?

Laughing, I gave one last wave before exiting the building with Red.

"Anything you need to do in the city, Red?" I asked.

No, he signed. I'm fine.

"All right, then! Let's go back to the Pokémon Center! Man, I'm starving…Pokémon battles really take a lot out of you."

We ate right before we left… Red sweatdropped.

"But that was three whole hours ago!" I whined. "I'm a growing girl. I need my food. And so do you." Since both of us skipped breakfast and probably had lunch outside the Center we still had one meal left each.

Since both of us skipped breakfast and probably had lunch outside the Center we still had one meal left each.

Red shook his head, but ended up getting another meal too.

"So, Red. After today, we'll be on separate journeys, won't we?" I asked. Talking about it was uncomfortable, but it was still the truth.

The boy nodded, bringing out his notepad. Yes. We will.

I sighed. "Huh…thinking about it, I didn't even last a week. It was six days ago we first met, wasn't it?"

Red nodded again after a moment of thought. Yes, it was.

"I thought so. Heh, a lot can happen in six days. When I first met you, I thought you were a weirdo."

Same here. But you still are.

"Hey! Well, so are you, Mr. I'll accept any challenge even if I haven't eaten all day!"

That was just the one time…

"Pfft, I bet you battled half the trainers in that stupid mountain. All on an empty stomach."

I'm not one to turn down a fight.

"You never are! Sheesh, I had to eat a late dinner that day…"

You could have eaten anytime, you know.

"While you were busy fighting? No way! I'm not that heartless!"

Hmm…

I pouted, but my mind was racing. He was pretty good at hiding it, but Red was acting a bit strange, a bit more…detached than usual. I figured it was just because of the fact we were going our separate ways after this, though. Perhaps he was just trying to mask his pain?

Then again, it was Red. Reading him had gotten a little easier, but only a little. I could be way off.

There was only one way to find out. Direct confrontation.

"Hey, Red…are you okay? You're acting kind of strange…"

The boy shook his head, pointing to himself and then jabbing his left thumb against his chest jerkily, fingers splayed out. I'm fine.

"No, you're being weird. Is everything all right?"

Yes.

"Liar."

I'm not lying, he replied, shoulders stiff.

"Ugh…whatever," I groaned, pushing my dish aside to smack my face dramatically against the table.

I'd forgotten how good he was at deflecting direct comments.

Gawd, he's as stubborn as I am. And that's saying something.

I glanced around for an ally. Perhaps double-teaming was required for this.

"Pikachu, you agree right? Red's being weird…"

"Pika…" the Pokémon said, hopping up onto the table and swiping a rice ball.

"Hey! That's mine." I protested halfheartedly. It wouldn't matter. What Pikachu wanted, Pikachu got. He was so spoiled…

"Pika…" the mouse tilted his head to the side and studied Red before nodding. "Pikachu!"

"See? Pikachu agrees. You're being weirder than you normally are."

I'm fine.

Those two hand signs were getting overused in my opinion.

"Pika!"

"You are not fine."

We heckled and badgered him relentlessly. Every time he would say something, we would counter it and wall off all exits. It eventually worked, but his reaction was a bit…unexpected.

The boy glared at the two of us, freezing both of us in our tracks, and gripped his pen tightly.

I gulped. Did his eyes just flash red there or am I seeing things?

Red scratched at the paper furiously, before showing what he wrote. Then I will say this. You said we were friends, but I'm afraid that's impossible. We both have separate paths to walk, and as friends we'll only hold each other back.

The boy shook his head. The next time we meet, we'll meet as rivals.

He cleared the dishes, returned Ivysaur, and took the escalator upstairs.

Pikachu looked at me in uncertainty before following his trainer.

All the while I sat stock-still, staring at the empty spot in front of me.

I've noticed a tendency to update on a Tuesday...huh.

By the way, I am a shameless Red fangirl...manga Red that is. ;) He's awesome.

Thank you to Mel's Merleawe, 1412 karasu, Lord Cow-Cow, SmileRen, LeTantris, shirokuromokona, nostalgicCyanide, kenegi, FluffyDragonsLiveInMyHouse, Searching For Enadi, awesomeness127, TammyHybrid21, colbub, Xethrin, Hanako H, Gembell, and all the wonderful Guests for reviewing! :D