LIGHT THAN LIFE CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds. The OC characters are ours, Gordon Cale, Jeffery Thomas and Jack Valdez.

A/N: Just to let you all know there are only two more chapters to go after this one. Thanks again for all your reviews, alerts and those reading we haven't heard from. Thanks, Sue and Craig.

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It had been a long week since Tony had visited NCIS. Abby had called him once, though she wanted to call more. He had told her that he needed a few days to think and would call her at the end of the week. Abby honored what Tony had said. They had chatted only a few minutes, just small talk before he had explained his need to her. She was so glad to hear from him on Saturday, worried that he wouldn't call. Now he wanted to meet with her that night. She missed him and wanted and needed to get her Tony back. She was however surprised about where he wanted to meet, but that was ok because she'd see him and they'd finally get to talk out everything, alone.

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Occasional light from the lamp posts broke up the monotony of the darkness. Usually, walking through a park at night like this would have made her nervous. Knowing Tony was in the vicinity, Abby was able to keep her mind at ease. It didn't take long for her to find him. She knew he liked to come to the park and just sit on the swing set while he contemplated aspects of his life.

Abby sat on the swing next to Tony. There was something wrong, she could feel it. That and the fact Tony looked as dark as the night. She had assured him that he was in no way to blame for what happened and it was known that everyone else felt the same way.

"You're going to get cold," Abby said with concern and to end the eerie silence.

Tony shrugged his shoulders. "Doesn't matter," he said in response. Tony held Abby's chin so that he could look at her face. "Your nose looks alright," he simply commented. That was one of the things he was very worried about.

"My nose is alright," Abby assure him. "Didn't need any surgery for realignment and it didn't really hurt that much after the initial whack," she said. Well it stopped hurting when she was given some painkillers. So, what she said was true, from a certain point of view.

"Good," Tony didn't sound convinced. He released his light grip. "I'm truly sorry Abs for everything. For hitting you and for messing with your feelings through all this," Tony said lowering his eyes, unable to maintain eye contact for to long.

"First off… I think you didn't know it was me and you even told me that when we spoke at NCIS. And anyway I doubted that you'd ever hit me and it doesn't matter what frame of mind you were in," Abby spoke calmly. "Come on, Tony who did you think you were lashing out at?" She asked him, knowing the answer he had told her, but thought he needed to say it again.

Tony looked up, meeting her eyes and failed to see how any of that was relevant. If he could remember some of the stuff he did. He should've been able to stop himself. There had to be some element of control over his actions. "I thought you were someone working for my father. In fact, I thought everyone had something to do with my father," he answered again like he had that day at headquarters and then shrugged his shoulders before lowering his head again. That was something he was having trouble dealing with. It was also hard to understand why any of the others found it so easy to forgive him.

"Now I know you were so far gone, Tony," Abby responded. "I know you… You'd never hurt me like that," she reassured him.

Tony shrugged his shoulders, again. "But I did," he looked away once again. Even after everything he went through in therapy he couldn't truly be honest with Abby now. He didn't deserve a friend like her. "You don't have to pretend with me," he shuffled his feet a little and then pushed himself with one foot. This helped and gave him something to do while they spoke.

Abby knew that at times when Tony was stressed or dealing with something he needed to move around. It didn't surprise her when he moved the swing around a little, it gave his body the outlet it needed while they spoke. She kept hers still, eyes watching the emotions that past over his face as they spoke. Those emotions he would hide from other people and she was glad he still showed them to her.

"I'm not pretending… Look, I know you're hurting now and you've got a lot to work through… But I want to be there to help you through this," she said. "You need everyone that cares around you," Abby stated.

"I know," Tony just managed to say. "I do appreciate it," he just wished that he could show them how much it meant to him. "There was something that just… I don't know… I have often asked myself what I ever did to deserve such friends," Tony said. He really wanted an answer to that.

"You put yourself in harm's way to protect others without thinking," Abby began to say.

"People call that recklessness," Tony replied. Of course that had to be the truth. "Or suicidal," he added.

"I call it protecting your family, protecting the people you love. Also innocent people, that's why you became a cop and now an agent, it's who you are," she said.

"I don't know," Tony said it lightly as his toe dug into the sand still slightly moving the swing. "Maybe I do have a death wish. I'm also pissed as hell that I played games with you." Light shone down from a lamp post, washing the edge of illumination over them and enabling each to see the other's face.

"Games?" Abby's face was etched with confusion.

"Yes," Tony answered solemnly. "For getting our relationship into that situation. Shouldn't have even let the drugs or myself play with you like that…" Tony told her. "I really hope you won't hold it against me… But I understand if you do," he shrugged with downcast eyes, watching his foot with feign interest.

"Are you saying you don't feel anything for me?" Abby asked. She was shocked. It had felt so real.

"I was on drugs," Tony shrugged once more. "I can't say if anything I felt in that period of time was real or not. So I guess it would be better if we just call it off," he explained to her.

"You don't feel anything now?" Abby asked while she thought. All the things Tony had said to her, did to her, how he made her feel. No, even with the drugs which could have pushed it along, they had known each other far to long for those feelings to be faked. Her heart knew the truth that Tony's guilty heart wouldn't allow to come through. She would have to show him, let him see through his doubts.

"I don't know," he answered miserably.

Without warning, she maneuvered their swings so they were almost touching. Abby reached out her hand and pulled his head closer to her, by the neck. She was thankful that she had caught Tony off guard so that he didn't pull away. Abby kissed him slowly and yet passionately. At first, Tony didn't reciprocate, but that changed. He felt the stirring down below, the lipstick tasted great, she smelled great. And God help him, she felt so wonderful. Maybe he had made the move with Abby originally because of the drugs pushing the inhibitions he had away. Because his heart was racing and a warm feeling spread over him, perhaps it only had ignited what was already there. This time when Tony kissed her, it was deeply and he pushed his tongue urgently into her mouth… She allowed it.

When the kiss broke they both were in quiet thought, taking in needed air. Abby stood up and smiled down at Tony, "I know you felt that, " she told him, still feeling the kiss on her lips and the feelings that had become stronger than before. She knew he felt the same, "lets go back to your apartment and figure these feelings out."

Tony nodded not able to talk yet as he got up. His apartment was only a block away. They started to walk when he felt her warm hand entwine with his as they moved closer to his place.

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TONY'S APARTMENT

Abby followed Tony into his kitchen and watched as he opened the fridge, her eyes glanced quickly at the clear clean coffee pot that sat on the counter. Reminding her of what happened.

"You want something to drink?" Tony offered.

That brought Abby back. "Yeah, that'd be great." She smiled as he handed her a Red Bull and opened a bottle of water for himself. Her head nodded in the direction of the unused coffee machine, "Guess you haven't had any coffee since all this happened." She stated.

Tony's face took on a defensive stare. "No Abs, I haven't had any coffee here at all. I have had decaf at the outpatient program, though. Why would you think I'd have coffee here when that's where this all started and at the office?" He asked her tersely.

Abby was surprise at his stare and how he sounded. "I didn't mean anything by that, Tony. And it wasn't you that started the drugged coffee. It was Thomas, remember?" She tried to soothe and remind him.

Tony sighed knowing he had over reacted. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap…..to, you know…..get all defensive. It's just still a bit raw and I'm…..I'm trying to wrap my head around the situation. I can see it as an outsider looking in that it wasn't my fault. And the group and therapy has helped like I said before in making me see it wasn't my fault. I believe it most of the times, but not always." He moved past her into the living room and dropped onto the couch.

Abby followed and sat beside him. "I know and it's really alright. It's going to take some time. I see a difference though," She sighed when she turned side ways to face Tony, "Look, you said you were going to continue counseling after the outpatient sessions are over and I think that's great you decided to do that. But this is me, Tony. You've never hid for long from me and I can read you better than anyone. Part of what you said to me at the park is due to your dad, your childhood. I know this from the conversations we've had about your past and things that were drilled into you." She told him gently.

"I know." He admitted to all that she had said. He turned to face her and not hide the way he had in the park. The soft lighting in the apartment made it easier.

Abby tilted her head. "Tony, I told you we are family, the team, I mean. And this family isn't like the one you grew up with, even though you have to work to get through that. I'm really proud of you for finally facing everything, head on." She placed her hand over his hand that lay on his knee.

Tony turned her hand over so their palms were touching. Abby always had such faith in him, even when he shared his past or bad days with her. He closed his hand around hers and felt a feeling he had never felt before. He'd always felt close to Abby, always loved being around her and with her he could be, Tony. He could be messed up, vulnerable and just himself, not pretending. She never once treated him differently for it and had always encouraged him not to hide. Only this time he felt something stronger in his heart, felt warm and safe with this woman. He had always known she was a woman, but never really looked any further then just being friends. He figured the feelings were there, he had felt them, but pushed them down, until recently. He didn't understand the feelings fully, but now he knew what they were. He'd have to talk to Bruce about these feelings and his commitment fears. If Abby felt the same, and he thought she might, he needed to get through that fear as well. He wished he could put the last few months behind him, the Thomas thing and what he'd done due to that. He was trying hard and working things out in his head. It was better now, after he had stopped pretending. He had even taken on an extra session with the therapist when the group went into their 12 step meetings. He hadn't told anyone about this, but he trusted this guy and felt the therapist was helping as Abby had said. She was right, she could read him like a book, even when he closed down she could read him. Well maybe not as easily, but she could. And he could usually read her.

His eyes locked with hers." Abs, I need to ask you something."

His look was serious and yet vulnerable, afraid of the wrong answer. Abby hoped he was going to open up and bring out what she wanted to talk to him about. "Shoot, ask away."

"I don't understand entirely what I'm feeling. It's something I've never actually felt in so long, though I know what it is. Just don't know how to handle it." his eyes still locked to hers were filled with uncertainty and fear.

He knew she saw it and yet he needed to know. The can of worms had been opened and he just had to know. He fought back the need to hold her and pictures flashed through his mind of the times they'd spent together. Especially the times since Abby and him had decided to become friends with benefits. The final picture was at the park. With those pictures came strong feelings and with that last picture he knew that Abby was right, the feelings were so much stronger than they had been. He never knew what love was. Well he did, but not being in love. And there had been many times he wondered if he truly was in love with Abby, but would push those thoughts away. He had gotten jealous many times, covering it the best he could.

Being together, the farce that was friends with benefits, had as he thought, been pushed out from the drugs and loss of inhibitions. It had opened the door more, to how he felt about Abby. He had missed her the past few weeks and thought about her often. Yeah, who was he kidding, he didn't know how to deal with this. He had felt something happening, but never had he been in love before. Yet his questions had been answered when they slept together, only he kept them to himself. Now it was time to let it all out and as scary as this was for him, he needed to do this.

"Tony I know that feelings other than work are hard for you, you just have to take the chance and go with it. Feelings aren't right or wrong; they're how you feel, so talk to me." Abby's voice was soothing. She brought up her hand as she spoke and caressed the side of his face. He leaned into her hand like he usually did. He was always starved for affection and she was always happy to give it to him. Now, she wanted to give him much more, if he'd allow it. She knew he was in a delicate state and could be there as a friend and would be, wasn't that part of love? And over the weeks she had realized even more that she was truly in love with Tony. She had hidden it for awhile until it couldn't be denied any longer. That was probably the reason she decided on the friends with benefits, hoping it would prove to Tony that he was in love with her too. And if it did, then she could help support him even more and have what she had wanted for a while now.

Tony nodded at what Abby had just said. Usually graceful, he just blurted it out, he had to or he never would. "Do you love me? I mean I know you do, but are you in love with me?" Tony looked down, he could feel the fear racing through his veins, "Because….I'm…." He swallowed hard and tried to breath through the fear, "I'm…….Damn it, I'm in love with you." He finished the last part quickly and was glad he'd gotten it out, afraid of her answer.

Abby smiled brightly at Tony. She knew this was so hard for him, but he had finally said the words she had longed to hear. Her fingers slid under his chin, bringing his face gently up to look at her. "I've wanted to hear those words from you for a long time. And I was right at the park. We weren't doing friends with benefits, that was a cover for the fear. You made love to me. You were so caring, gentle and passionate in a way someone is when they are in love, not just with a loving friend. And yes, Tony DiNozzo, I am totally in love with you."

"Really?" Tony asked, scared to believe what she said and at the same time excited to hear those words from her beautiful lips.

Abby slid up against Tony. She didn't miss the look in his eyes as he spoke those true, but scary words. She leaned in to him, her lips only a breath away. Her voice was breathy, a little husky as she answered him while her hands held his face. "Yes…….really." Her lips closed the gap in a gentle kiss.

Tony was stunned to say the least, but happy at what she reiterated. His thoughts quieted as he felt her lips touch his in a kiss she began and he deepened, filled with everything he felt for her. Arms travel over bodies, the kiss turning deeper, with more urgency. They explored as if it were their first time together, hands making the journey of this new discovery. Their heated kisses lasted for a long time, growing deeper, trying to get closer. Tony pulled Abby onto him, she straddle his lap, their bodies crying out for so much more as the fire grew and burned hotter. Abby rubbed her pelvis against Tony's hardness, in order to fuel that rage of fire which she now could feel physically. They broke apart, gasping for air, foreheads touching.

Their breaths were ragged. Tony nibbled on her ear before he panted out a whisper close to it. "I do love you. Please let me show you?" He asked in a plea, out of breath from the lust and yet part of the plea was shy. It felt a little like he was a teenager again, that was in love for the first time. And really this was his first love and not just thinking he was in love in order to get a girl in bed with him. He needed and wanted Abby in everyway a man would want a woman when they were in love. And right then he realized that it wasn't just sex and it never had been between them. Only this time, this was making love and, for the first time he felt the difference.

Abby shivered with a strong desire that she had never felt with anyone else and knew Tony hadn't either. "I love you too. Yes, no more friends with benefits. Make love to me." She pleaded in a breathy tone.

Tony pulled gently away and looked deeply into her eyes. "I wanna show you how much I love you, no more friends with benefits. I need to love you." Tony watched her nod. He surprised her when he pulled himself and her up from the couch. And just like one of his movies, he had swung her into his arms as her arms wrapped around his neck. He continued their kiss as he carried her off to his bedroom, where their love would be consummated.