XXXXXXXXXX (See post-ficlet explanation)
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For sale: Goal post, used once.
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That was a crossover with a story allegedly written by Ernest Hemingway in the exact same format, only replacing 'goal post' with 'baby shoes'. Pretty tragic stuff.
XXXXXXXXXX True Lies XXXXXXXXXX
"Fear is NOT an option," Daria hissed into Upchuck's ear, the object in her hand pressed under his chin.
Upchuck made a horrified face as the sound of his own urine splashing onto the embassy floor reached his ears; then, as soon as Daria withdrew, he ran through the crowd, screaming. Daria turned back to her husband Tom, smirking as she opened the tube of lipstick and applied a fresh coat.
XXXXXXXXXX Pirates of the Caribbean XXXXXXXXXX
"Parley?" Quinn Swann nervously asked.
XXXXXXXXXX Kill Bill XXXXXXXXXX
"My name is Buck Conroy, and I'm here to fuck."
XXXXXXXXXX (See post-ficlet explanation)
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"Hi, Daria! I'm Khagendra Thapa Magar!"
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Mr. Magar was, at the time I wrote this particular ficlet, the shortest man in the world. As the thread title was World's Shortest Crossovers, it seemed a rather clever pun. (He's since been surpassed by somebody even shorter, I believe. I don't really care enough to update it. :\ )
XXXXXXXXXX Weekly World News XXXXXXXXXX
Daria shined her flashlight upon the huddled form in the cave. She checked the description given by her editor: Bald, pale skin, eyes larger than usual, pointed ears, and sharp teeth. All the characteristics matched up. "Jane!" she spoke into the radio. "I've found Bat Boy!"
XXXXXXXXXX Monster Squad XXXXXXXXXX
Daria and Jane stared wide-eyed at the werewolf they had just encountered in the creepy old mansion as it lay hunched over, clutching its groin.
"Wolfman's got nards," Jane said breathlessly.
XXXXXXXXXX Paul Bunyan XXXXXXXXXX
Daria and Jane were relaxing in Jane's room with the window open (it being a pleasant spring day outside). Suddenly, a very large bearded face appeared at the window.
"Has anybody seen my blue ox, Babe?" the man asked.
An irate look spawned on Daria's face. "Hey, bub, does this look like the World's Tallest Crossover thread to you?"
"Yeah," Jane added, equally harsh. "Beat it, Bunyan."
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Another pun-based entry, Paul Bunyan is shooed away because he's too tall for the 'Shortest' crossover thread.
XXXXXXXXXX WALL-E XXXXXXXXXX
"Name?" the orange-colored robot asked the diminuitive boxy one.
"JANE-E!" it replied. After considering the situation for a minute, it extended a grabber, one 'finger' extended, and repeated the question it had been asked.
The orange robot glowed a little and seemed to growl out, "PhEIS-T!"
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I actualy went to the bother to make their names real, coherent acronyms like in the film - 'Junk Allocation and Neutralization Expeditor, Earth Class' and 'Photosynthesis on Earth Investigatory Scout, Titan Class'.
XXXXXXXXXX Demolition Man XXXXXXXXXX
"Daria Morgendorffer, you've been fined one credit for your violation of the Verbal Morality statute," the banal computer voice announced.
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"She doesn't know how to use the three seashells!" Tad Gupty snickered.
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"That's who you remind me of!" Mack realized as he talked to Ms. Li. "An evil Mr. Rogers!"
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"I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine!" Upchuck ranted.
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"I was wondering if you would like to have sex?" Jane asked casually.
Daria was flabbergasted. "Here? With you? Now?"
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It was hard to stop at just five of these. The movie's so damn quotable, I could have ended up just doing the whole damn thing.
XXXXXXXXXX Magic School Bus XXXXXXXXXX
"Where's the Frizz?" Carlos asked. "Is she sick or somethin'?"
"Yes...or something..." Ms. Barch replied, pointedly ignoring the muffled banging from the closet. "Anyway, class, I'll be your substitute teacher today. We'll be exploring the male reproductive organ..."
"Please don't let this be a field trip!" Arnold begged aloud.
"To the bus!" Barch announced, with two large boxes under her arms. "It's time to take chances, make mistakes, and dump thermite into my ex-husband's testes!"
"At my old school, we never incinerated the genitals of our teachers' ex-husbands," Phoebe pointed out.
XXXXXXXXXX Lost Boys XXXXXXXXXX
"How are those maggots?" Val as in Val asked.
"Huh?" Daria asked, perplexed.
"Maggots, girlfriend," she explained with a smirk. "You're eating maggots. How do they taste?"
Daria looked down into the Chinese food carton and saw that the 'rice' was, in fact, dozens of squirming maggots. Revolted, she threw the carton on the floor...where it was once again rice. The laughs of the other girls reverberated throughout the ruined hotel.
XXXXXXXXXX Oregon Trail XXXXXXXXXX
Daria shakily lowered the rifle after expending the last of her rounds. She had been afflicted with the same dystentery that had killed Quinn just a few months prior, and as her father had drowned trying to ford the river last week and her mother had sustained a broken leg while hunting the day before, so it was up to her to put food in their mouths.
She shivered from her illness as she cut chunks of meat from the buffalo, and reflected what a shame it was that she'd only be able to make a few trips back to the wagon (a few hundred pounds of meat total) before darkness fell, and the remaining meat would rot overnight. She shrugged and made her way back to the wagon for the first trip.
She didn't even look at the other twelve buffalo she had shot and killed.
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Admit it, you all did this in elementary school (unless you didn't have computers).
XXXXXXXXXX Third Rock From the Sun XXXXXXXXXX
The Morgendorffers were having a quiet family dinner when Quinn shot up, arms straight up, and shouted, "INCOMING MESSAGE FROM THE BIG GIANT HEAD!"
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Shamefully, Jim North pointed out to me that somebody already did a Third Rock From the Sun crossover earlier in the thread, with Quinn in the exact same role.
XXXXXXXXXX Men in Black XXXXXXXXXX
"We're gonna check the hot sheets," Agent D said. She picked up the remote and flicked it to Sick, Sad World.
"This is the hot sheets?" Agent J asked skeptically.
"Best investigative reporting on the planet," Agent D confirmed.