"The camera is a remarkable instrument. Saturate yourself with your subject, and the camera will all but take you by the hand and point the way."
– Margaret Bourke-White
It's late on a Wednesday afternoon, and I'm alone. Jasper and Rosie are out to dinner and a movie on their own little date night, and I told them to go without me. They don't spend nearly as much time alone together as they used to. Even though they both insist they don't mind having me around, sometimes three really is a crowd. They were a pair long before Jasper and I were, and it's important to me that they don't drift apart. I don't want to be responsible for getting between them. She still idolizes her big brother the way a baby sister should, and it was hard to miss the excitement in her voice when he asked her to hang out, just the two of them. It's adorable, and it's that thought that keeps me from being lonely tonight.
Instead I decide to distract myself by cooking a nice dinner, studying for finals, and taking an extra-long bubble bath. I'm not often alone at my apartment anymore, and I can't shake the feeling that there's something missing here. It's my space, but I see him everywhere. I see him on my couch, his feet propped up on my coffee table. I see him in my bed, stretched out diagonally to make room for his long, long legs. I see him in my bathtub, those long legs wrapped around me while he soaps up my back. I see him in the kitchen, stealing bites of whatever I'm cooking while I pretend not to notice.
He's a part of my life now – a part of everything. I miss him, even though I know I shouldn't. It's not a painful ache, but it's an ache all the same. It's bittersweet and unsettling. I remember the best parts of being with him, but the sting of his absence drains the memories until they're hollow.
I check the clock; it's still early enough to catch Charlie before he heads home from work. He's coming down for graduation next weekend, and we haven't really talked about his visit yet. I saw him a month ago, when Rosie and Jasper went home with me for Easter, but it seems like much longer than that. I miss him.
I pick up my phone and dial, smiling when he picks up on the second ring.
"Chief Swan."
"Hi, Daddy."
"Hey there, honey. How's it going?"
"Good. Really good. Just getting ready for next weekend. How's work?"
"Oh you know… same old same old. Murders... home invasions... all in a day's work."
"Umm… are you watching Law and Order at the office?"
"How'd you know?" he says, chuckling. I can imagine the crinkles at the corners of his eyes and the twitch of his mustache. I'm suddenly overwhelmed by how much I miss him. I sit, trying to soothe myself with an arm wrapped tightly around my waist. Missing Charlie used be a part of every day for me. I wonder if I'm a bad daughter for noticing it less often now that I have Jasper, or if it's just a part of growing up.
"Lucky guess. It sounds more exciting than your usual."
"I'm an old man now, Bella. Traffic violations are about all the excitement I need these days."
I laugh into the phone, but there's an edge to it. His words are genuine, and I know he means them. Maybe a long time ago he wanted more from his job. I'm sure when he was young – before I was born and my mother died – he thought differently about the risks he was willing to take. I've always wondered if he held back because he was afraid of leaving me alone if something happened to him. I won't lie; I've always appreciated that he made those choices with me in mind. I worry about him enough as it is, and things are pretty tame in his little suburban bubble. He's always seemed happy with small-town law enforcement, though. I don't know if he feels like he's sacrificed an exciting career for my sake, but if so, he's never admitted as much to me.
He clears his throat, and I remember I had a reason for calling.
"I actually just wanted to talk about your plans for coming down next weekend. I got us a reservation for dinner after graduation on Saturday. I figured you'll be getting in so late on Friday, I'll just have something at home for you. Is that okay?"
"Actually, I took Friday off, so I'm going to drive down Thursday night if that's alright with you. I wanted to make it in time to go to your print show. It's Friday afternoon, right?"
"It's at noon, but you don't have to do that. I thought you'd have to work."
"There are a lot of things in this world I don't have to do, Bella. But I can't think of a single thing that I wouldn't do for you. That includes taking an extra day off work so I can see my baby girl's work on display."
"But I thought –"
"It's done, honey. I've already made the arrangements. You're gonna hurt my feelings if you tell me I can't come."
"No! I mean, of course you can. It'd mean a lot to me if you were there. I think it would mean a lot to Jasper, too."
"Good, then it's settled. Now you'll just have to put up with your old man for an extra night."
"Poor me," I deadpan. "I don't know how I'll ever survive."
"You just tell that young man he's going to have to share you."
I blush, laughing awkwardly. I wonder if my dad will be able to tell how often I don't sleep at my apartment when he's here. God, I hope not.
"I'm sure Jasper won't mind. He'll probably be relieved to be rid of me for a few days."
"I don't believe that for a minute," he teases. "Listen, I've gotta get back to work before Deputy Black catches me being lazy again. I'd never hear the end of it. I'll see you next week, honey."
We say our goodbyes, and I'm grinning stupidly when I hang up the phone. I haven't let him take off work to come to a print show since my freshman year, and I didn't realize until just now how much I really want him to come. There are always families there, especially for the graduating seniors. We present our senior portfolios, which are truly the culmination of four years of work. You spend four years building the skills, the style, and the creative identity to put together a body of work you can be proud of. The graduation panel within the photo department reviews it, and you have to stand before them to defend your work… and then wait for them to decide if you're good enough. If you don't pass that portfolio review, you don't graduate. It's rare, but it happens, and you have to spend the next year reworking everything.
Jasper and I have both already been submitted our portfolios, even though I still haven't actually seen his, and we should have the panel's decision before the end of the weekend. Jasper insists his portfolio is a surprise, and he wants me to wait until the show to see it. I tease him for being a temperamental artist and go along with it. He seems really excited about the show, and I wonder if he's invited anyone other than Rosie. She's his only family.
Then again, she's really not, and I wonder if he realizes that.
He has a surprise for me, and I decide that turnabout is fair play. I want Jasper to know he's loved, and not just by me and Rosie. He has family, whether they're bound to him by blood or something even stronger. Because if I've learned anything from his mother, it's that sometimes blood isn't enough. Sometimes the will, loyalty, and love it takes to make someone a part of your family is what's important – not the genes they carry that match yours. Jasper needs to understand that.
I pick up the phone and settle into the couch. I have some phone calls to make.
He answers on the third ring.
"Garrett? I have a favor to ask."
A week later, Jasper and I are sitting side-by-side in Maggie's office. He seems entirely at ease during our session today, with a smile on his lips and his arm wrapped lazily around my waist. His fingers dig into my hip just enough that I can't forget they're there. Maggie asks a question, and I feel his fingers flex against me. He answers, and they loosen slightly. I lean into his side, sliding my hand from the outside of his knee to the inside, and his fingers tighten enough to send a shiver over my skin. I smile to myself, enjoying the give and take we always share. He hasn't broken the stride of his conversation with Maggie, all the while carrying on a silent conversation with me.
"So last week I told you to pick three or four of your triggers to work on at home, and to re-evaluate the effect they have on you," Maggie says. "How did that go?"
"Pretty well overall, I'd say. Bella?" Jasper answers first, then turns to me.
"I think so, too. He did really well, actually. We tried working on the belt again, and the second time I tried to take it off he didn't even flinch. The first time was a little rough, but not quite as bad as New Year's."
"Yeah," he agrees, "it was definitely better the second time. I did have a pretty bad one the other day. It wasn't intentional, but when she was making tea…"
"The kettle whistled," I explain. "It was the kettle."
"And that was – what, the boiling water? Your chest?" Maggie asks, looking concerned.
"Yeah. The episode wasn't too bad, though. I think I came out of it pretty quickly."
"You did. Oh, and we read Goodnight Moon last night, but that was still pretty difficult. He had – what was it, two episodes?"
"Three," Jasper says grimly, his arm tightening around me. "It took us hours to get all the way through the book without an episode, and even then… it wasn't easy."
"One of the episodes was pretty bad... one of the worst I've seen."
My chest tightens as I think about how hard it was to watch him go through that – how hard it was to help him come out of his episodes, each one worse than the last. Maggie wants him to work on pulling himself out without my help, but when they're that bad I can't just sit idly by. I finally convinced him to let it go for the time being, promising we'd try again another night. He's made it clear that Goodnight Moon is one hurdle that's particularly important to him, and I know he won't give up until he's moved past it. I won't let him.
"I hadn't touched the book in years. I figured it'd be hard, but I wasn't really ready for that."
His body is tense beside mine, and I can feel his frustration, practically palpable on his skin and in the air between us. I tuck myself in closer to his side, and he relaxes slightly, his fingers curling more tightly over my hip.
"Hey, that's okay. The important thing is that you worked through it." Maggie's voice is calm, and I feel him loosen a little further at her reassurance. "This is all a process, Jasper. Don't forget that. It's going to take time, especially with the hot-button triggers that you haven't experienced as much. It's about gradual exposure – slowly teaching your brain to think differently than it's used to. Don't be discouraged. You're in control of these episodes. They aren't setbacks, they're progress."
He nods, still a little upset but visibly more at ease, and I decide to move on to another one of his successes.
"On Saturday, we went down to South Congress to get snow cones," I say. I smile at this one, remembering the heat in his voice when he told me this was one of the things he wants for himself. He wants to have a life full of simple pleasures, like cherry snow cones on a hot day. I told him it would happen.
"She got cherry," he says, grinning like a fool.
"He got lime again, but the cherry lips didn't seem to bother him at all this time," I tease. He seemed to enjoy them, in fact. I lick my bottom lip, and I can practically taste his lime-stained lips on mine.
"Not at all." Then he leans in to whisper just for me, "Delicious."
I elbow him gently in his ribs, and he laughs.
"Wonderful," Maggie says, and her expression matches her upbeat tone. I love that she seems to be so truly invested in his progress. "Jasper, we haven't talked about how you've been sleeping in awhile. What can you tell me?"
"I've been doing better lately," he answers, smiling at me briefly before turning to face her. "Especially when Bella's with me. I haven't had a nightmare in almost a month."
His arm tightens around me, and I turn until my cheek touches his shoulder and my nervous smile is partially hidden. I'm a little embarrassed that he's just announced how often I sleep over to his therapist. Our therapist, I guess, since we're in this together. At the same time I'm glad that he sleeps better when I'm with him. I always thought those people were sad. Those people who can't sleep without a warm body against theirs every night. I wouldn't say I can't sleep without Jasper beside me, but I sleep more soundly knowing he is. There's something to be said for that simple comfort – knowing you're not alone when you close your eyes at night, and knowing the same will be true when you wake. I'm getting used to it, and I really don't mind that I am.
"That's great, Jasper. What about the insomnia?"
He shifts uncomfortably, and I sit up straighter until I can see his expression. He looks embarrassed. We both know he's been better, but it's still an occasional problem. I still wake up some nights to find him lying awake beside me. Once or twice he's even tried to hide on the couch because he thinks his being awake disturbs me. He doesn't understand that the emptiness – the absence of him – disturbs me, the same way that knowing I've been sleeping peacefully beside him while he's upset disturbs me. I know he's thinking about the night last week when he came home silent and distant. I remember how we worked through it together, though, and I feel my cheeks warm as I picture exactly how the night ended. I watch as he notices my blush and then quickly deduces why it's there. His eyes crinkle at the edges, and the corner of his mouth curls upward. I fight the urge to kiss his smirk away.
"He's still having some problems with that, but it's not as often as it used to be," I say, his eyes still on mine in a very distracting way. I narrow mine in response and then turn to face Maggie again. She seems entertained by our silent communication but doesn't call attention to it.
"That's fantastic," she says, an amused smile still on her lips. "I'm glad you're making progress. Just keep up with the calming exercises we discussed, and those nights should become less and less frequent. How are things going with your mom?"
"Fine, I guess. We're meeting her again tomorrow night."
"And how do you feel about that?"
"Good. Different. I feel more confident this time. I think it'll be fine."
I can't decide if he's really that confident, or if he's trying to convince himself he is. Before we can go further, the buzzer on her desk goes off, and it's time for us to leave. Maggie wishes us luck with Mrs. Whitlock and urges Jasper to call her if he needs to. The way she says it is comforting – less like an acknowledgement that he might really need her help and more of a promise of support, just in case. I can tell Jasper notices, too, by how relaxed he is. He shakes her hand and waits, grinning, while she gives me a small hug.
He takes my hand to lead me to the car, and I have to stifle a giggle at his cheery disposition. This Jasper beside me is a new man. He's light and confident, and you would never know that tomorrow, his whole world could fall to pieces all over again. He doesn't act like a man who's about to confront the source of all his pain and disappointment. He doesn't look like a man who's about to come face-to-face with the woman whose shortcomings ruined his childhood. I know he's thought about it, but something in him has changed. I know that this time, he's ready to see her.
In the car, his fingers tap out the rhythm of the music on the radio, and every now and then he turns to smile sweetly at me. I stare – I can't help it. I love him in every way, despite his sometimes mercurial moods, but I'm just so… proud, I think, of the way he's handling meeting her this time around.
"What are you staring at?" he asks, reaching out to twine his fingers with mine. We're at a stop sign, and he pulls my hand to rest with his on the gear shift. He turns back to the road, and we shift back into gear as he releases the clutch. I smile at the familiarity of the motion and the simplicity of the moment. Us, together, just being. It's so effortless sometimes.
"You, of course," I tease.
"Yeah, I think I noticed that much, thanks," he says, laughing lightly. "Why are you staring at me? I'm not even wearing my glasses this time."
I punch him in the shoulder, and he winces dramatically.
"You're just… I don't know. You seem so happy."
He pulls over, and we shift into neutral before he turns off the engine. He keeps my hand in his, though, and his smile when he turns to me is somehow insecure. I think it's the way his eyes are questioning me, as if he's expecting me to laugh or run or maybe both.
"I am happy, Bella."
"But something's different – I can tell. What changed?"
He turns my hand over, tracing a forefinger so lightly over the love line on my palm that my fingers start to close reflexively, responding to the tickle. He grins more widely but keeps his eyes on my hand, now running his finger over my life line and up until he reaches the scar on my forefinger. He brings my finger to his lips, kissing the raised skin he finds there. The softness of his touch gives me a chill I'll never complain of.
"I told you the other night, beautiful. You make me happy. All this with my mom… I think I finally realized it doesn't matter. I'm happy, and nothing she does to me now means anything. Or at least it doesn't have to mean everything. No matter what she does, I still have you. I still have Rosie. That's all I need. She's my past, but you and Rosie – you girls are everything."
"It's about time," I say, laughing quietly to hide that my voice is thick with emotion.
"I'm a little slow, I know. Forgive me?" His grin is shy and hopeful, and at this moment I'd forgive him anything.
"Nothing to forgive."
He kisses my knuckles, and then my palm – his lips slow and lingering. He kisses my wrist, and before he can tease me any more I kiss his sweet, soft lips. He smiles at my impatience. I kiss him until he forgets his smile and I forget I was trying to kiss it away.
And then I kiss him again.
–*–*–
April 3, 2000 (Jasper is 12, Rosie is 7)
It was late, and Rosie and I were getting ready for bed. Mom had gone to bed hours before, so I helped Rosie wash her hair and made sure she brushed her teeth. She picked out her favorite princess pajamas and climbed into bed while I turned out the light. I was hoping she'd go to bed without talking too much. I was worried she'd start asking questions again.
"Jasper? Do you think Mommy forgot it's my birthday tomorrow?"
"Of course she didn't forget. She probably has a big surprise for you after school."
The truth was, I didn't know. We'd bought presents for Rosie a month ago, but Mom was having a really bad week. She hadn't said anything about Rosie's birthday and I was worried she'd forgotten. Rosie would be so upset if she did. At the same time, I was afraid to bring it up with Mom. She was in such a bad mood, and I didn't want to set her off about anything.
"Jasper? She forgot about Halloween. Remember?"
She was right. Last year Mom forgot all about costume day at school, even though I told her about it like ten times. I helped Rosie dress up like Sleeping Beauty since she already had the dress. I even made her a gold crown with pink diamonds on it out of construction paper. She thought that was pretty awesome. I was the only kid in my grade without a costume. Peter tried to get me to wear his cowboy hat so we could share, but he wouldn't really have been a cowboy without the hat so I said no. One or two of the mean kids made fun of me. I didn't care. It wasn't a big deal to me, but Rosie was really upset about it.
"That's different. Your birthday is way more important than a stupid Halloween costume. She'd never forget your birthday."
"If you say so."
"I do say so. And I'm always right."
She laughed, and I smiled.
"Goodnight, Jasper."
"Night, Rosie-bee."
I didn't fall asleep right away. I had a birthday party to plan.
The next morning, I woke up early. Sure enough, Mom was still asleep. She probably wouldn't wake up in time to take us to school, so I shut her door quietly and snuck back down the hallway. I got all ready for school and then woke Rosie up, leaving her to get dressed while I made her a special breakfast.
Chocolate chip pancakes were her favorite, and I put candles on top like a birthday cake. She squealed when she came into the kitchen and saw it. She practically tackled me she hugged me so hard. Making Rosie happy was the easiest thing in the whole world.
"Happy birthday, Rosie!"
She grinned and looked around the room. Her face fell a little bit before she asked, "Where's Mommy?"
"Mommy's sick, sweetie. She's going to sleep awhile longer to rest up for your party tonight."
"My party?" she asked. I knew that would distract her.
"Yeah! With a cake and everything. Now come on and eat your breakfast so we can get to school on time."
It was a nice day, so we rode our bikes to her school. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and promised to pick her up right on time so we'd be home for her party. She was so excited, she barely said goodbye before she ran off to find Tanya.
I watched until she found her and they ran inside, holding hands. Maybe if Mom was up later I'd have her call and ask Mrs. Denali if Tanya could come over for cake, too.
I took off on my bike, but instead of going to school, I headed to the store. I had a long list of things to buy in my back pocket, and in my front pocket was the money I'd borrowed from my mom's wallet. She probably wouldn't even notice. I took money for groceries and stuff sometimes, and even though she was in one of her moods this week, once she realized she'd forgotten Rosie's birthday, she would be really upset. She wouldn't care I'd taken the money. She'd just be happy I'd made sure Rosie was taken care of.
I didn't make it back from the store until almost lunchtime, and my handlebars were so heavy with bags that it was hard to turn them. I parked my bike and carried everything into the kitchen so I could get to work.
I made her a strawberry cake with white frosting because that was her favorite. It wasn't made from scratch like if Mom had made it – just out of a box – but I figured Rosie would love it just the same. I even wrote her name on it with a tube of purple icing. It was all a little lopsided, and I wasn't sure how that happened. I'd never really baked a cake before. I guessed it looked extra-homemade that way, at least.
I made some lemonade from one of those frozen tubes and cut up strawberries to mix in. Rosie really loved strawberries. They turned the whole thing pink, too, which I knew she'd like.
I set up the pink and purple paper plates and cups and everything I'd gotten at the store. I even had pink and purple candles for her cake. She was going to be so excited. I stood on a chair to hang pink streamers and a Happy Birthday sign around the kitchen. I even blew up some balloons, but they looked lame since they didn't have helium in them. I just piled them all up on the floor so it looked like they weren't supposed to be flying.
I heard the phone ring, but I didn't answer it. That was when I heard her in her room. She was talking on the phone to whoever it was, and after she hung up she came running out and slammed her door behind her. I was pretty sure I was about to be in trouble.
"Jasper Lee Whitlock! Where are you?"
Oh shit. Make that a lot of trouble.
"I'm right here, Mom," I said. I ran out of the kitchen to meet her in the hallway.
"What the hell is going on here? Why aren't you at school?"
"I'm sorry, I –"
"That was your vice principal on the phone. I had to lie and tell him you were sick."
She was so close to me I could smell the alcohol on her breath. It made me wrinkle my nose and cough a little.
"Mom, I'm really sorry –"
"Since when do you skip school, Jasper? What were you thinking?"
"Mom, listen!" I shouted. That was a mistake.
"Don't you dare raise your voice to me, young man." Her voice was low and hateful, and her eyes were angry. She had her finger pointed in my face, so close I had to take a step back.
She pulled her arm back like she was about to hit me, and I squeezed my eyes shut and turned my cheek. Nothing happened, so after a few seconds I carefully opened one eye. She was walking past me into the kitchen. I ran to cut her off, standing in front of her with my arms wide. I didn't know what she would do when she saw the party I'd set up. I never knew what she'd do when she was like this.
"Mom, wait! I can explain –"
"What… what is all this?" she asked. She had her arms wrapped tight across her chest and was playing with her necklace with one hand. "Jasper?"
"It's… a party."
"A party."
She was looking around the room like she'd walked into an alternate universe or something. It didn't look like she had any idea where she was or what was going on. She looked so confused, and I saw tears start falling down her cheeks.
"Today's Rosie's birthday," I said quietly. I didn't want to upset her any more.
"Rosie's… oh. Oh my god."
She covered her face with her hands and started crying harder – so hard her whole body was shaking. I moved close enough to hug her, and she hugged me right back as hard as she could. She sank down until we were both sitting on the ground. She kept crying and crying into my shoulder. I could feel my shirt getting wet from her tears, but I just sat there and let her cry. She'd feel better when she was done.
"Shh it's okay, Mom. She doesn't know you forgot. I told her you were sick."
"I c-can't believe I f-forgot. I'm s-so sorry."
"I know you are. I made her a cake and everything. She never has to know."
"I'm such a h-horrible... I p-promise, Jasper. This is it. I'll throw it all out. It'll be d-different."
I knew she was lying. I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't. I couldn't tell her that, though, so instead I just hugged her tighter.
"It's okay, Mom. I'm going to wrap her presents. Why don't you go take a nap?"
She nodded and sat up, wiping her eyes. I walked her back into her room and helped her into bed. She made me promise I'd wake her up when I left so she could shower while I picked up Rosie. I kissed her on the forehead before I went back to the kitchen to finish up.
I pulled Rosie's presents out of their hiding places. It took me about two hours to wrap the three of them, and they looked pretty bad. I just added extra ribbon and hoped she wouldn't notice. Once I was done with that, it was time to leave to pick her up. I got Mom out of bed and made sure she was getting in the shower before I left. I told her to call Mrs. Denali about Tanya coming, too. It looked like Garrett was home, too, so I wrote him a note and slipped it in his mail slot on the way out. Rosie would be so excited to have him there.
I got to school a few minutes early and sat out by the bike racks to wait for Rosie. She came running out with Tanya, and was talking a mile a minute before she even made it all the way to me.
"Jasper! My teacher brought chocolate chip cookies just for my birthday. She said she made them special for me. She must like me a lot because she didn't bring cookies for Benjamin's birthday or for Emily's either."
"I bet she does like you a lot, sweetie."
"And Jasper, I got to pass the cookies out to everyone and we ate them on pink napkins! Sam made fun of me for liking pink but I told him to mind his own business."
"That's my girl. Come on; I see Mrs. Denali."
We got our bikes and walked Tanya to her car. Her mom said they'd see us at five for birthday cake, and Rosie and I headed home.
We walked in, and Mom and Garrett were waiting in the kitchen for us. Mom looked a million times better now that she'd cleaned up and rested. I hoped she'd keep it together for the party so Rosie wouldn't notice anything wrong. It would break her little heart, and I think Mom knew that.
"Happy Birthday, Rosie!" Mom shouted.
"Happy Birthday, short cake." Garrett held out his arms for a hug, and Rosie took a running start before almost tackling him.
I caught the way my mom's face fell while she watched them together. I knew hurt her to see how much Rosie loved Garrett, but in a lot of ways that was her fault. We could depend on Garrett. We could never depend on her.
The party was fun, and no one but me knew anything was wrong. No one could tell Mom had been drunk and angry just a couple hours before. No one knew she'd almost forgotten her only daughter's birthday. Rosie and Tanya had a lot of fun eating cake and having a tea party with their pink lemonade. Garrett even sat on the floor with them and showed them how to stick their pinky fingers up in the air while they drank. Rosie went to her room to get him a crown to wear because she said he was good at playing princesses. I snuck a picture when he wasn't looking. I was going to have to tease him about that one for a long time.
Rosie was practically falling asleep sitting up by the time everyone went home after dinner. Mom helped me carry her to her bed, even though I really didn't need the help. I let her do it anyway. She went back into the kitchen to clean up while I helped Rosie into her pajamas. I tucked her in bed and kissed her forehead, then went to help Mom.
It was really uncomfortable with her in the kitchen. I knew what had happened, and she knew what had happened, but she seemed to want to pretend nothing happened. Neither of us said anything, and my skin was all prickly like it was cold or something. It felt wrong and a little creepy. I excused myself as fast as I could and went back to get in bed. Mom didn't turn around from doing dishes at the sink, but when I walked out of the kitchen, I could've sworn I heard her whisper, "Thank you."
It looked like Rosie was asleep already, so I kept quiet while I got ready for bed. I set my alarm for school in the morning and climbed into bed.
The day could've been a total disaster, but it wasn't. Rosie would've been heartbroken if she'd known Mom forgot her birthday, but she didn't figure anything out. She had a nice birthday party with her best friend and her favorite kind of cake – even if the cake was lopsided. She played games with Garrett and laughed and opened presents from everyone. She had a great day.
The house was so quiet, and I knew without looking at my clock that it must've been really late. I heard my mom heading down the hallway to her room. I heard the wind banging the tree outside against my window. I heard a bird singing somewhere, and I wondered what kinds of birds were up so late at night. I even thought heard my mom, crying all alone in her room.
What I wasn't expecting to hear was Rosie.
"Jasper?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
She was so quiet I could barely hear her. I wasn't sure if she was really awake or not.
"Umm… what for?"
"For my birthday party. Today was my happiest birthday ever."
She knew. My throat felt like it was being squeezed tight by something, and for a minute I couldn't answer her. It was the best birthday ever… or at least, the best birthday she could remember. She couldn't remember birthdays with Dad like I could. She probably couldn't even remember how special Mom used to make our birthdays. I didn't care. If Rosie was happy, so was I.
"You're welcome."
"I love you, Jasper."
"I love you too, Rosie-bee. 'Night."
She knew, but she was still okay.
It didn't matter what my mom did, because I could make Rosie happy on my own. We didn't need her. I could take care of my sister and make sure nothing hurt her. I could give her happy days even when I was having rotten ones. She'd never have to go through what I went through with my mom. I'd make sure of it. I'd never forget her birthdays or to make sure she had a costume for Halloween. I wouldn't forget to pick her up from school or that strawberry cake with white frosting was her favorite.
I didn't need my mom for any of that. I just needed Rosie. I'd make sure I was there for her, even when our mom wasn't. As long as I had Rosie, I'd be okay.
What kind of birthday cake would you ask Jasper to make for you?
Hello again! Sorry for the delay, and thank you to everyone who's still with me. I might be biased, but I'm pretty sure I have the most amazing readers ever. :)
So here's the deal... We have two chapters left, plus a short epilogue. Everything is written so the updates should be coming about once a week now until we're done. I'm also going to start posting the outtakes, so if you don't have me on author alert you might want to keep an eye out. It's almost the end, guys. Hang in there. :)
Huge thanks to my lovely betas, justaskalice and Lucette21. They're the best a girl could ask for. Special thanks to Legna989 and Oscar519 for helping with me with the flashback in this chapter. I owe them bigtime.