Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight :)

Those we love don't go away,

They walk beside us every day,

Unseen, unheard, but always near,

Still loved, still missed and very dear.

-Unknown author-

CPOV

"Alice, leave me alone."

Bella's exasperated voice made me lift my gaze from the book I was reading. I turned my head, focusing on the conversation that was taking place at the other end of the hallway. Judging from the way Bella's voice resonated from the walls, I figured that they were in the bathroom.

Alice's high-pitched voice was determined. "But Bella, you are not well enough. Let me help you."

I heard the sound of clothes rustling as Bella shrugged them off, presumably preparing to take a shower. My intention was not to listen so closely; I wanted to give Bella the privacy she deserved. But I was cursed with the ability to hear even the quietests of sounds. At times it had proved to be useful, but then there were times when I wished for the possibility to turn off the supernatural sense of hearing - I had no wish to intrude.

To distract myself, I returned in my memories to the previous night - or this morning, to be more accurate. I had been slightly surprised when I had heard Bella get out of bed and make her way to the door of my study. At first I had suspected that she was sleepwalking, but her breathing and steady movements had allowed me to believe that she was entirely awake and aware. Concern had engulfed me immediately; had she had a nightmare? Was she feeling ill? I had opened the heavy door of my study before she'd had the chance to knock.

After making sure that she wasn't upset, I had quickly let my gaze sweep her from head to toe. The black satin she had been wearing had hung loosely around her thin frame, and the dark blue robe had cascaded down her body like a waterfall. The dark brown curls had framed her face in a lovely way, still a little tangled and messy from sleep.

How wonderful she had looked, standing there and looking so lost. A sudden surge of tenderness had filled me, and the need to shield her had been nearly compelling.

She had apologized for bothering me, sheepishly turning away. But I had stopped her, selfishly asking her to stay. And she had, making my heart rejoice.

I could still remember how her gaze had devoured the amount of books resting on the towering shelves of my study. It was joyful to notice that someone shared the same passion for books as I did. Her request to read the Bible had been a surprise to me. I had never considered her as a religious person. But I must admit, that it had been a pure joy to recite that particular text in her presence. It had brought me memories of my father. And I had also realized that even though reading the Bible reminded me of the things I had lost, it brought me comfort nonetheless. And I hoped it could bring some sort of solace also to Bella.

Weariness had eventually overpowered her, and I had laid her gently down on the couch, covering her with a warm blanket. After I had made sure that she was fast asleep, I had attempted to move her to her bed so she would be more comfortable. But when I had tried to lift her slender body to my arms, she had stirred and almost woken. So I had left her there, deciding that it was more important that she gets enough rest.

Alice had arrived a few minutes ago to wake her up, bringing her a cup of tea.

"I'm fine, Alice," Bella's tired voice reassured again, wrenching me from my thoughts.

Alice's loud sigh echoed in the bathroom. "Come on, Bella. Look how pale you are! You're a lot more tired than yesterday," she insisted.

"It's because I couldn't sleep properly," Bella stated.

I head the sound of brushing as she tried to untangle her hair.

"But still," Alice argued. I could hear that her patience was wearing thin. "I'll just make sure that you don't fall down or anything. And it's not like I haven't seen you naked before." Her tone was casual as though she was talking about the weather. I tried to focus my thoughts on the book once again, trying to block the voices and sudden images of Bella's bare figure in the shower.

This was wrong. What was the matter with me?

"It's not the same," Bella said. Her tone was bored, and she sounded like she was miles away. "And oh my God, when have you seen me naked?" she asked, as if she had only now realised what Alice had said.

"Bella," Alice sighed, exasperated. "Remember the time you broke your leg and you were recovering? I saved your dignity that summer," she teased.

"Oh," Bella muttered, obviously remembering. "Yeah, that takes me back," she remarked, sarcasm radiating from her tone.

I had to chuckle quietly.

The sound of clothes swishing and rustling resonated once again, but the sounds were cut off by Alice's sudden intake of breath. It made me listen closely - was something amiss?

"Ouch," Alice commented. "Those are bad bruises."

I let out the breath I was holding, relaxing. Of course it shocked Alice to see what kind of state Bella was in. She had lost a lot of weight, and bruising was a common sympton when suffering from leukemia.

"You know me. I stumble all the time," Bella responded. "And it's nothing unusual with leukemia, anyway. Something to do with the blood cells or something. Ask Carlisle," she suggested. I heard her turning the water tap as she stepped into the shower. The curtain was drawn.

"Speaking of Carlisle..." Alice began.

Once again I had to abandon my book to listen. Technically I was not eavesdropping; I just couldn't help overhearing. And Alice knew I was here. She knew I heard every word whether I wanted or not.

"You two seem... close," Alice stated cautiously.

I listened without breathing, suddenly very curious of Bella's response.

"Well... I don't know," Bella muttered, her heartbeat quickening. What did it mean? "He's my doctor," she offered after a moment.

A wave of emotions washed over me. Emotions I couldn't give a name to. But they resembled... disappointment.

The water tap was turned off after a few minutes of silence. I heard Bella draw the curtains back and step out of the shower.

"He's different with you," Alice insisted. I heard her pass Bella a towel.

What was Alice trying to say to her? I didn't want Bella to feel uncomfortable. I cleared my throat, knowing very well that Alice could hear it. "Alice," I warned her.

She ignored me as usual, preparing to say something else. But it was Bella's voice that sounded in the bathroom, mixing with the sounds of fabric brushing against her skin as she wriggled into her clothes. "He's been a wonderful friend to me," she said quietly, a melancholy tone in her voice.

The sadness in her voice made me worry, and apparently it had the very same effect on Alice. Her tone was suddenly fervent and persuasive as she spoke. "You're important to him, Bella. More than you may realise. You are important to us."

Once again it was very silent. Only the sound of Bella's quick heartbeat and breathing could be heard. How I wished that I could know what was going through her mind. I knew she was still burdened with guilt and grief; Jasper had confirmed it. I wished she could let me help her.

"So why can't you make the decision?" Alice demanded quietly.

I felt myself go tense, knowing this conversation was bound to take place sooner or later - I knew how impatient Alice was growing. But I had no wish to put pressure on Bella. It was her decision, and I could not force her to make it until she was ready. And to be honest, her answer concerned me. What if she said no?

I couldn't bear it.

Bella's tone bore all the emotions I was going through at the moment as she whispered the next words.

"I don't know."

A heavy silence fell once more. Suddenly I found myself wishing that Jasper were here, interpreting the ongoing emotions to me. My own and Bella's. But Jasper was outside in the forest, getting more firewood. He must have gone pretty far because I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore.

"I know how wrong it is to make you guys wait," Bella said after a moment. "And I feel bad about it, believe me."

I heard the sound of Alice's palm stroking the fabric of Bella's sweater. "Bella, I'm sorry. I don't mean to push you," she apologized. "It's a big decision. But I'm only trying to point out to you the good reasons to say yes," Alice explained, her voice a little regretful for making Bella miserable. "And I can only imagine how you are feeling. Edward - " she stopped abruptly, the pain of saying the name of his brother still affecting her.

Alice took a needless breath to gather her bearings. "I know he's gone, Bella. And an eternity is a long time to spend without him."

Bella's sarcastic huff resonated from the tiles.

"But Bella, Carlisle lost his mate, too. But he's still moving forward. Of course he grieves for Esme, and he'll never forget her. But he has no choice but to go on," Alice whispered.

This conversation was getting too much for me to bear. The images of Esme were emerging from my memories; the way she smiled, the way the sun glistened in her caramel hair...Of course I grieved for her. That grief had no end.

"How is he? I mean... How did he pull through it?" Bella's silent voice asked. Her question surprised me, although it shouldn't have. Of course she had to be concerned about me and how I was coping. She always put the others before herself.

I got up from my chair, feeling that this conversation wasn't meant for my ears anymore. And I was a coward. I didn't want to think of those days after Esme and Edward had died. I made my way swiftly downstairs. Alice's voice reverberated in my ears - sometimes these supersensitive senses were a mere curse.

"He was... It took a long time until he was himself again," she said. "He still felt the need to be the leader and the brave one, even when he was hurting. He wanted to be strong for us." Alice's voice was tender, and she gave a short laugh. "There's no one like him."

I didn't know if her words were directed at Bella or to me. But gratitude radiated from her tone, and I felt my cold heart swelling from the love I felt for the petite woman I considered my daughter.

"He's unique," Bella whispered.

If I were a human, and if the blood still was coursing through my veins, I might have blushed at Bella's words. That simple sentence made me feel pleased.

In that moment, I wasn't cursing my oversensitive hearing.

The air smelled like snow and pine needles. I eagerly drew in a deep breath; it was a smell of purity and sanctity.

I turned towards the house, bypassing a group of spruces that grew closely together. I hadn't gone too far into the forest, staying close enough so I could still hear if something was amiss in the house.

The sound of Jasper yanking a branch off the tree echoed in the woods, along with his silent curse as a heap of snow fell on him. I decided to go and help him with the firewood before he caused an avalanche.

He had managed to collect a quite big pile, enough to last for at least two days. I greeted him quietly before grabbing an armful of branches.

"Thanks," he said, brushing the snow off his shoulders. "Did Alice say anything about bringing a Christmas tree? I figured that if she wants one I should let her choose it herself. The ones I pick are always too small," he laughed.

I shook my head, also chuckling. "No, she didn't say anything yet. She's assisting Bella," I answered, nodding toward the direction of the house. I wondered what kind of a turn the conversation had taken after my leaving. I had been wandering in the forest almost an hour now, lost in my thoughts. I had been thinking about everything and nothing at all, but most of the time Esme had been on my mind.

"Is something wrong?"

Jasper's voice penetrated into my mind - he was sensing my distress.

"No." I quickly shook my head to reassure him. "Just thinking. Remembering."

Jasper's golden eyes were sympathetic; I didn't have to say anything more. He nodded, sending a wave of calm towards me. It was his way of saying that he understood. That I wasn't alone.

We started to make our way towards the house, our arms laden with wood and branches. After a few hundred yards of walking I heard the sound of Bella's heartbeat and her steady breathing. It was the sound of home.

We stomped our shoes at the porch to get rid of the snow, knowing that Alice wouldn't appreciate the wet puddles of water on the hardwood floors. After leaving the firewood in the living room, I made my way to the kitchen where Bella and Alice already sat. I greeted them quickly, pulling myself a chair and sitting opposite of Bella. Alice's expression was surprisingly unsatisfied, and it made me wonder the reason behind her bad mood. She was pouting, her slender arms crossed against her chest. I glanced at Bella who was sipping her tea, my hand grabbing the newspaper from the table at the same time. I studied her face to find out if something was wrong.

She was paler than the day before; that's what Alice had said earlier when she had been helping Bella. Maybe she was just tired. I tried to suppress my concern, opening my mouth to start a casual conversation.

"How's your morning been so far?" I asked, pretending to be oblivious of hers and Alice's earlier conversation.

Bella glanced at me quickly with her brown eyes. "Fine," she responded shortly. Her brief smile didn't convince me.

Alice had decided to reveal the cause of her displease. "She refuses to eat anything," she said quietly.

Bella rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. "I'm not that hungry. I can have something later," she murmured, avoiding my gaze.

I stood up, moving to sit down next to her. She sighed, wrapping her fingers around the mug. I knew how much she hated fussing around, but I had to know if she was unwell. I reached out with my palm to touch her forehead. "You're a bit warm," I noted, listening to the beating of her heart. It was still beating fast and slightly irregularly; she was having palpitations. They could be harmless, but I wanted to be sure. "Alice, would you - ?"

"I'm on it," she answered and disappeared from the kitchen, already knowing what I had been about to ask. After a few seconds of absence she returned, carrying my black leather bag. Bella groaned quietly.

I heard Jasper leaning against the doorframe, sending waves of calm at my direction. He was invaluable. I took Bella's blood pressure, noting that it was a little high. Usually her blood pressure tended to be too low. Concern filled me, and for a moment I considered taking her back to the hospital. But then I decided against it; it would be better if she stayed here, under my constant observation.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her. "Any nausea?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine. It's nothing. Just a little tired," she muttered. I took the blood pressure cuff off her arm, brushing my fingers against her cheek. Bella responded with a small smile. "You worry too much," she said.

I chuckled. "That's what I hear," I remarked, reaching out to help her up and intending to take her into the living room. It was much warmer than the rooms upstairs. I settled her on the couch, requesting her to lie down, ignoring her resistance. I also ignored her glares as I covered her with a blanket - her annoyance was endearing, and I had to press my lips together to prevent myself from smiling.

Jasper had followed us to the room with Alice, and he bent his tall frame in front of the fireplace, busying himself with starting the fire. I heard Alice closing up the curtains, and after a moment the lights were turned off. Maybe she wanted the room to be more atmospheric, or then she dimmened it in the hope of Bella falling asleep. I sat on the edge of the couch, glancing down at Bella. Her brown eyes followed carefully the two other members of my family as they hustled in the room. "Are you comfortable enough?" I asked, reaching out to take another pillow. I slid my arm behind her shoulders, lifting her light frame to get the pillow behind her head.

Her gaze could have burned me full of holes as she muttered words between her teeth. "I'm not an invalid," she grumbled. I knew she wasn't seriously upset, and as her small fist gave my arm a slight jab, I could only chuckle. She was so adoring when her eyes flared that way.

"I'm aware of that," I remarked, brushing my thumb against her jaw tenderly. Her eyes softened at my touch.

I vaguely heard Alice and Jasper discussing where to put the Christmas tree, but I was too lost in Bella's eyes to listen more carefully. After a moment, Alice's annoyed tone made me look away from Bella.

"Carlisle, were you listening to me at all?"

I raised my brow, glancing at her and Jasper. "Pardon me, what did you say?"

Curiously enough, Alice didn't seem to be too upset even though I hadn't been paying attention. She exchanged a smile with Jasper, confusing me.

"I only asked your opinion about the Christmas tree. How about that corner?" she repeated very slowly, as if I was a little slow-witted. She pointed her finger towards the small space behind the couch.

"Sure, why not," I answered. "Anywhere's fine. I trust your judgement." I turned to glance downwards at Bella. "What do you think?"

Her eyes were drooping, and I wasn't sure if she was completely awake. "Hmmh," she mumbled. "I wouldn't trust Alice. If you give her too much power she can do something crazy," she muttered, her eyes half closed.

Jasper's laughter echoed in the room at her words, but Alice's looked sour, apparently thinking that she didn't deserve such critique from Bella. But she couldn't bring herself to look upset too long. After a moment she grinned, tying her arm around Jasper's elbow.

It didn't take long until Bella was sound asleep. I decided to take a look at her hand while she slept, being very careful while unwrapping the gauze. Jasper moved towards the living room door, looking tense.

"It's all right, Jasper. The cuts have healed pretty well," I reassured, understanding his worry. I examined the scabs on her knuckles; there were no signs of infection. "No fresh blood," I added.

Jasper relaxed visibly, walking back to the room. He sat down on the other couch. "A part of me wonders if I really could be able to control myself in case she starts to bleed," he pondered quietly. Alice moved to sit down next to him, touching his shoulder soothingly. "I just don't want to take any risks."

I nodded. "I understand that, Jasper. But there will be a day when you will find that you're completely confident with yourself. It may take time, but you will get there, I am sure of it," I assured.

A small smile lighted up Jasper's face as he looked at me. "Thank you for your trust, Carlisle. You've been very patient with me," he thanked. Alice gave his cheek a quick kiss.

"You won't hurt her, Jazz," she declared tenderly.

They left the house after a moment, and the hunt began. Not for the perfect prey, but for the perfect Chritmas tree - I suspected that it might take some time; Alice could be very picky sometimes. And I was certain she wanted everything to be even more perfect than usually because Bella was here.

I decided to cover Bella's cuts with small band-aids instead of the gauze. The cuts were healing quickly, and it'd be easier to change the band-aids than the gauze. I was sure that it took some effort for Bella to manage the showering without wetting the bandage. After taking care of her hand I decided to pass the time with some reading, and I made my way upstairs to search for my book, hoping that Bella wouldn't wake up while I was gone. I let my gaze sweep the shelves of my study, trying to find my rare volume of English poetry, but I came there only to realize that the book I was searching for wasn't there. After that, I checked the shelves in my bedroom, idly wondering if Alice was hiding my books somewhere when I wasn't looking.

I made my way back downstairs, making sure that Bella was still asleep. Her breathing was slow and even, and she looked very peaceful.

My steps took me to the dark brown bureau Alice had situated in the corner of the room. I drew open the drawers swiftly, hoping to find my book from there. My fingers pulled out a stack of papers, and I absently took a better look to see what I had found.

On top of the stack, there were blueprints of a house I couldn't recognize. I browsed the pile quickly, revealing something else beneath the blueprints. They were paintings and sketches; some of them unfinished. For a short moment I was able to admire the way the colours played and danced on the white backround, bringing the figures alive.

But the admiration soon turned into something else. Sharp, piercing grief stepped in its place. Venom stung in my eyes and throat.

How many times over the decades had I seen her pick up the pencil? Her delicate fingers had reached out for a notepad on the table, and she would sit down on the stairs or on the couch, the tip of the pencil connecting lines, drawing, creating. And her golden eyes would glow with satisfaction; there had been nothing more wonderful to her than draw her ideas and visions on the paper. And from those flimsy sketches became plans, and from those plans became buildings and houses.

Homes.

I looked down at the blueprints, realizing that these must have been the last plans she had ever made. But she hadn't had the chance to finish them. No walls would be built around these plans. They were only lines on the blank paper. Incomplete. Like I was.

I had been so lost in my memories that I hadn't heard that Bella had stirred. It was her voice that wrenched me from the memories, from the feeling of drowning.

"Carlisle?"

Her tone was confused, questioning. I wanted to turn to her, to smile and give her the reassurance that she needed and deserved. But I didn't want her to see how distraught I was; I hadn't been this upset in a long time.

"Is something wrong?" she asked when I didn't turn around. I still hadn't found my voice.

I swallowed the venom that was creeping up my throat. "No," I said, not quite able to keep the tremor from my voice. "Go back to sleep."

But she didn't obey. I could sense her stare as she sat up and looked at me. Her worry and confusion didn't help me; sorrow and regret only escalated in my heart. The blueprints swished and rustled as I chucked them on the bureau, and my feet began to take me quickly towards the door. I couldn't bear Bella's scrutinizing gaze. I kept my eyes strictly forward, never looking at her.

"Excuse me for a moment," I managed to say before leaving the room.

The kitchen was quiet and peaceful. I leaned heavily against the granite counter in front of the window, drawing in a deep breath to compose myself. Venom still pooled in my eyes, the tears I could never shed burning behind my eyelids.

I heard Bella getting up slowly, and soon her steps wandered in the living room. The sound of her fingers brushing against the papers resonated from the walls. I hoped I hadn't frightened her with my odd behaviour and abrupt departure. She shouldn't have to worry about me. But I knew I couldn't have stayed; I couldn't break down in front of her.

Bella's heartbeat quickened, and I heard her swallow as she viewed the papers; she knew. Her steps were quiet and soft as she made her way across the living room.

I didn't want her to come here. I still wasn't in control of my emotions.

I rather felt her presence than smelled or heard her, and I risked to take a quick glance at the door where she was standing. Her eyes were cautious and wary, and it made me wonder if she was afraid of me.

I turned my head away in shame.

Warmth exuded from her body as she neared. I wanted to tell her that everything was alright - that she shouldn't fear me. But the words stuck to my throat, and as her warm hand rose to grasp my arm, it was only then that I realized that I was trembling. My eyes squeezed closed as I tried to summon the peace to take away the turmoil.

"Do you miss her?"

Bella's whisper was quiet and feeble, almost childlike. But in that whisper I heard all the emotions I was going through at the moment. And suddenly I realized that she truly knew; she understood this turmoil, these surges of pain. She was walking that same path, facing that same demon from day to day.

I exhaled shakily, cracking my eyes open. "Yes," I answered. Her grip around my arm tightened. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to gather my composure. "I'm sorry," I apologized, facing away from her. I didn't know why I was so ashamed of my sudden ourburst of feelings. It just had been such a shock to open the drawer and see the paper pile in my hands, blissfully oblivious of what it was. I wondered idly who had put them in the bureau; I couldn't remember packing them when I had moved.

"Hey," Bella said, her voice still quiet. "It's okay." Her hand tugged my sleeve; she wanted me to look at her.

How could I refuse? Seeing her was such a pleasure to me. Her brown eyes brought me the peace I craved so much.

I saw her inviting movement, and before I even realized I had stepped closer into her embrace. Her warm arms wrapped around my cold body, her other hand sliding up to my neck. Her fingers trailed patterns there, soothing and reassuring. I drew in a deep breath; her hair smelled like flowers and wild berries.

Her breath was warm against my neck. I held onto her small frame more tightly, pressing my ear against her neck and listening the blood coursing and rushing through her veins. I could feel her pulse throbbing against the skin of my cheek. Her heart was surprisingly calm. Hearing the steady beat of the vibrant organ made me feel calmer as well. Her heartbeat was like music to me, the most wonderful melody ever composed. And with every beat, I felt my own inflamed wounds start healing.

I lost the track of time as we stood there, embracing each other, keeping our mutual pain at bay. Eventually a slight shiver shook Bella's thin frame, and I hastily pulled away, afraid that I was making her cold.

But she surprised me by holding onto my shirt, as if she didn't want to separate. Her reaction was a new one to me. Usually she avoided any physical touch, refusing to take comfort and always pushing me away. During these short weeks she had always been distant and withdrawn, as if she thought that letting anyone near enough to touch her would end up her getting hurt.

I couldn't blame her for that fear.

But now she was molding against my touch. Willing to touch me, and to be touched. With a startle I realised that she really wanted to be here, so close to me. And I wanted to be close to her. It felt like this closeness wasn't nearly enough. For one fleeting moment I felt like a human; like I was alive.

I drew back to see her face. Her eyes flamed as she burned me with her brown gaze; everything about her was warm. The color of her eyes and her hair, the soft creamy skin... everything.

Goose bumps covered her skin as I reached out to touch her shoulder. A shiver rippled through her again, making her body tremble. I knew I should get her back to the living room, not wanting her to get cold. But I allowed myself one selfish moment before letting her slip from my grasp; I couldn't help myself. I wasn't perfect.

At times, I was only human.

I leaned closer to draw in her lovely scent, pressing my lips against her cheek. I felt her fingers pressing against the back of my neck, and suddenly her heart wasn't calm anymore; it was beating furiously.

I drew back slowly to prevent myself from doing something foolish.

Her palms settled onto my chest, fingers pressing my stone hard body. I saw her swallow hard, trying to even out her breaths. Had I caused that?

I searched her eyes. She was avoiding my gaze, her pink lips slightly open as she stared at my chest, refusing to look up at me. She was a mystery to me; what was she thinking? Was she upset with me? Had the ground shifted beneath her feet the same way as beneath my own?

My hands dropped from her shoulders, and the movement caused her to finally look up at me. I saw my own worry reflected back from her brown orbs.

She swallowed again, also letting her own hands drop from my chest. The lack of her touch left me reeling, and I could almost swear that my dead heart grew more heavy.

"Do you feel better?" she asked, and suddenly I understood the earlier fear and wariness in her eyes. She had been concerned about me, not afraid of me as I had thought. A small part of my mind felt relief at the realisation. But the rest of my mind was occupied. She was still looking at me, her pale skin almost as white as snow. Dressed in the black sweater the paleness seemed even more prominent.

The last few minutes she had seemed to be healthier as she had given me the comfort I was yearning for. But now, I was able to see the illness behind her worried eyes. Yet here she stood, her body and mind exhausted from sickness, and she was using the little energy she had to comfort me.

What an exquisite and precious creature she was.

"Yes," I whispered, and I realised that it was the truth. "I'm sorry that I unsettled you." The apology was poor, but it was all I could offer at the moment.

Bella shook her head, smiling a tired smile. "You were sad. There's no reason to apologize for that." I saw her shudder again, even though she tried to hide it.

"You're cold," I fretted, and I started to steer her towards the living room. She huffed quietly, but didn't resist as I led her to the hallway. She suddenly stopped at the threshold of the living room door, leaning against the frame.

"Bella," I called out, grasping her arm to support her. She had closed her eyes, shaking her head as if to clear it. My anxious tone got her attention, and she opened her eyes, glancing at me quickly.

"I'm okay," she insisted, blinking furiously. I cursed myself for causing her to get up; she shouldn't be on her feet when she was so unwell.

I prepared to take her in my arms and carry her for the rest of the way, but she took a step forward into the room, probably to banish my concerns. I didn't release my hold of her arm, wanting to make sure that she was steady on her feet.

Bella steered her steps towards the fireplace instead of the couch and lowered herself on the floor. I grabbed a blanket from the couch, wrapping it around her. Then I crouched down next to her, reaching out to toss more firewood into the flames to warm the room.

As Bella was trying get warm, tightening the blanket around her shoulders, I noticed her gaze creeping quietly to the corner of the room. Her brown eyes settled on the dark brown bureau, and my gaze followed hers. The paintings and the blueprints were still scattered on the wooden surface where I had tossed them earlier during my moment of grief. I felt Bella's eyes leave the stack of papers and settle on my face, observing. I considered getting up and shoving the papers back inside the drawers, burying and hiding them. Wanting to forget. But I knew running away wouldn't help me, nor it would help Bella.

So I settled more comfortably on the floor next to her, leaving the memories on the table undisguised. Maybe it was good for Bella to see that sometimes it was healthy not to hide from the pain, even if it wasn't easy.

She turned her eyes away from my face, shifting her gaze towards the flames before us.

"She was very talented," she whispered. Her tone was tender, almost apologizing; she was worried about my reaction.

A twinge of pain gashed my heart, and I had to swallow before answering. "She was," I agreed. Suddenly the words were flowing out of my mouth like a stream; I couldn't have stopped myself even if I had wanted to. "I remember one time a few years ago when a young married couple requested her to restore a very old Victorian house for them. The building was in a terrible shape, with no electricity or any other modern comforts. The roof was leaking, and a huge community of bats had resided in the attick. Every night, after the renovators and other workes left the site, Esme would roll up her sleeves and get to work herself."

A chuckle escaped my mouth as I remembered. "She would come home by dawn, her clothes covered in dust and spackle. The other workers never understood why it took so little time to get the house done in such a short period of time," I laughed quietly once again, vaguely realizing that I had never been able even to smile at the memories of Esme after her death. But now, instead of piercing grief I only felt tenderness and yearning.

Bella had gone very still. Even her breathing had stopped as she silently listened my story. I wrenched my eyes away from the flames, studying her expression.

She wore a small but sad smile, salty moistness gathering in the corners of her eyes. She turned away when I looked at her, blinking furiously the tears away. The blanket tightened around her frame as she pulled it around her shoulders. The gesture was somehow evasive; she was still hiding from me.

The distance was short between our bodies, and we were sitting only inches away from each other. But still, I suddenly felt like she had moved miles further only by turning her head away. There was a deep chasm between us now, and I couldn't just step over it. I needed a bridge so I could reach her.

But that bridge was far from finished; it would take time to build it until it was complete.

How easy it would be just to reach out with my hand and touch her - my fingers itched to brush the veil of hair behind her ear so I could see her face. The dark brown mane was like a curtain, concealing her behind it.

Bella let out a trembling breath. Her hand rose, and she ran a hand through her hair, brushing the brown locks away from her face. Her expression was now more relaxed than a minute before, almost indifferent. I already knew she was very skilled when it came to controlling her emotions, but it still disturbed me how different she looked now than a moment ago. After hearing me talk about Esme she had been touched and emotional, and I preferred emotion over the mask she had on now.

But Bella also had the ability to surprise me, time after time. She proved that she still possessed that quality as she opened her mouth to ask a question.

"What did you love the most about her?" she asked.

I felt the pain in my heart ease as I talked; I had expected to feel the opposite. But perhaps Bella had realized this. Maybe she had sensed that talking about it made me feel better.

So I talked. I told her that Esme had possessed the ability to love passionately the people around her. I told her about the way her eyes had lighted up every time she had started to draw or paint, and I told about the excitement in her tone when she had been considering the best color options for the houses she had been decorating. Bella's mask melted away as I shared those stories and memories with her, and I even managed to draw a smile out of her after a few minutes.

After a moment of remembering, I reached out to add some wood into the fire. Bella shifted on the floor, turning her head from side to side and groaning almost inaudibly.

"Sleepy?" I inquired.

She nodded, giving a quiet chuckle.

"Yeah. You have a very relaxing effect on me," she smiled. I decided to help her on the couch so she could get some rest. As I led her across the room and settled her on the couch, she seemed to be barely awake. I covered her with a blanket quickly, sitting down on the edge of the cushions.

"Thanks," she suddenly murmured, cracking her eyes open to look at me.

I didn't know what she was referring to, but I felt that I was the one who should be grateful. I didn't know if she had any idea how much she had helped me today by drawing those words and emotions out of me.

"It is I who should thank you, Bella," I stated, giving her a small smile. "You made my burdened heart more lighter by being present today." I knew the words were insufficient compared to the feelings I wanted to express. But I said them anyway, hoping that someday she would understand how precious she was to me.

"It was nothing," she responded, her words tangling together slightly. Her eyes were closed again, and after a few seconds she was fast asleep.

"Now turn it a little bit. No, to the right! That side is more bushy."

I watched with great amusement as Jasper tried to fulfill his wife's wishes the best he could. But Alice was known to be a hard person to please, and whatever Jasper did, the Christmas tree was either tilting or otherwise in the wrong angle. I was sure that the needles tickled his sensitive skin quite uncomfortably as the twigs brushed against his face and hands. Our skin was hard and impentrable, but the sense of touch was much more hightened.

"Now, stop. That's good." Alice's voice was excited and she clapped her hands together. Jasper sighed in relief, letting go of the dark green spruce.

"Thank you, Jesus," he whispered under his breath.

The tree was rather beautiful. It wasn't too huge which surprised me. I had expected Alice to bring the biggest tree she could fit into the house, but the one she had picked was just right.

"Well, what do you think? Don't you just love the smell?" Alice asked, sitting down beside Bella on the couch and admiring the fruits of her work.

The smell truly was wonderful. The scent of needles and resin was pure and fresh. The tree had shed a few needles on the floor, and they were crushed beneath Jasper's shoes as he backed away from the tree, causing more of that timbered aroma wafting in the room. From the corner of my eye I saw Bella nodding and smiling quietly.

She had been out like a light for the most of the day. After Alice and Jasper had returned with the tree - hours after their leaving if I might add - I had decided to wake Bella up and offer her something to eat.

She had been reluctant but had managed to eat some soup I had offered to her, but I had a feeling that she did it to humor me. Her fatigue and the lack of appetite made me worry. I knew those symptoms weren't uncommon, but I was concerned nonetheless.

"It's a nice tree," I said out loud. "It's been over a decade since we celebrated Christmas properly."

Jasper laughed suddenly. "Yeah, it was the time Emmett almost set the tree on fire."

I chuckled at the memory with Alice. Bella glanced at us, surprise and confusion in her eyes. "Set the tree on fire?" she asked, incredulously. "What happened?"

"He started to fool around with candles," Jasper laughed. "Luckily we managed to put the fire out before it burned down the entire tree."

Bella's quiet chuckle echoed in the room. Alice jumped up, clapping her hands together once again. She disappeared from the room for a few seconds, only to return with a box that probably contained decorations. She lowered the box on the floor, glancing at Bella expectantly.

The latter got up with a bored groan, stretching out her stiff limbs. I was relieved to see she felt well enough to get up on her feet. Alice blabbered happily as they hung the decorations together. Bella smiled every once in a while, chuckling when Alice said something amusing. But I could see that she was tired, and it wasn't long before she said that it was mine and Jasper's turn to be enslaved.

Jasper quickly hung a silver festoon on the branches and stepped back in the hope of getting off the hook.

"Carlisle, could you put the star in its place?" Alice asked, a humble expression on her face. "It's an honorary assignment," she added in attempt of flattery.

I took the golden tree topper from her, grinning. "Or then you are just too small to reach to the crown yourself," I teased. Bella chuckled.

Alice huffed, offended. "I could have asked Jasper if it was the matter of height. He's an inch taller than you are," she grumbled.

I smiled as I attached the star on top of the tree. "Are you sure it's straight?" I asked, continuing to tease her.

Alice had apparently decided to ignore my comment. I made my way to the couch, sitting down next to Bella. She had a peaceful expression on her face as she watched Alice and Jasper quibbling in front of the tree.

"It's pretty," she said.

I gave her a smile, observing her. "It is," I agreed. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "I'm okay. Just a little tired," she answered, stifling a yawn.

"You should get some rest if you feel like it."

Bella glanced outside; it was already dark. "Maybe in a moment. I'm sorry that I'm such a boring company - I've slept all day," she apologized.

I reached out to give her shoulder a pat. "Don't worry about it. We know you're exhausted," I reassured.

"Mhhmhmm," she said, closing her eyes for a moment and opening them once again. Alice and Jasper came to sit down on the other couch, holding their arms around each other. Jasper clicked the remote to get the flatscreen on, finding a channel that played a history document.

It didn't take long until a quiet snuffle could be heard in the room - apparently Bella wasn't a friend of the history documents. Her head sagged against the back of the couch, her lips slightly open, and she started to slouch on the couch slowly, fast asleep. Jasper quickly took the remote and turned down the volume so she wouldn't wake up.

"I should take her upstairs," I said quietly. Alice curled up in Jasper's lap, smirking at me tenderly. Jasper smiled his own reserved smile, nodding.

"You're worried," he stated. It wasn't a question; he didn't need to ask in order to know.

I wetted my lips quickly - a human habit I had picked up over the years. "Maybe my worry will be prove to be needless," I answered, hoping that I could be as carefree as I sounded. If Bella wouldn't eat tomorrow, I'd have to consider nutritional support. She wouldn't like that.

I slid my arms behind her shoulders and knees, gently picking her up from the couch. I listented to her breathing, observing for any signs of waking up. But she was still fast asleep, her head falling against my shoulder. I made my way to the fourth floor with a steady human pace. Her body was very light in my arms, and I was afraid that if I held her too hard she would break to pieces. She was like a fine piece of art made of fragile glass.

When reaching the bedroom, I coaxed her body to get her under the covers. Then I sat down on the edge of the bed, considering if I should stay all night. I wanted to be close to her in case she wasn't well.

My fingers worked on their own accord as they reached out to wipe the silky lock of her hair behind her ear.