How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Trust the Assassin

The next day we joined everyone for breakfast. I felt like a teenager. Of course, I practically was, physically anyway. Even Teagan looked younger. I resisted the urge to make a spectacle of myself in front of everyone, by popping pieces of food in his mouth, licking cream off my lips in a suggestive manner, or carrying on in the way I really wanted to. I was a grown-up, I reminded myself. I had grown-up attributes like... restraint, self-control, propriety. Right? Besides, Eamon was recovering and I didn't need to give Isolde more fuel to turn him against my proposal.

I took a sip on my tea and nearly choked. It tasted like soap. There was an oily film floating on top. Zevran was sitting next to me and I nudged him with an elbow and whispered "Poison?" to him. He picked up my cup and sniffed it, stuck a pinky in it and tasted it.

He nodded and whispered back: "Deathroot, enough to kill a horse. Amateurish, no one would drink enough of this in tea to die from. How much did you get?"

"A small swallow."

"You'd better take some antidote. I have some in my room," he said.

I looked down the table at Isolde. She seemed happier this morning. I'd assumed it was due to her husband's progress, but now I wondered. Well, this was going to make my life more difficult. I wasn't sure how to respond.

"This is a lovely tea blend, Isolde," I raised my teacup and smiled at her, a fake, slightly dangerous looking smile, I hoped. "You really must share your recipe sometime."

Now she knew, that I knew. Maybe I could use this to my advantage. I wasn't above a bit of blackmail, especially with a viper like Isolde.

Isolde looked at me, fearfully, looking like a cornered rat.

"Th... thank you, Lady Cousland. Really there's nothing special about it."

I laughed. "Oh? It has quite a distinctive taste. Very unusual."

Teagan looked at me as if I'd lost my mind. Isolde and I hadn't spoken since she had found Teagan in my bed, now I was chatting to her about tea? I could understand his confusion.

"Excuse me a moment," I said, patting my mouth on my napkin. "I need to discuss something with Zevran, my dear friend, and former Antivan Crow." I looked pointedly at Isolde as I explained his former job title and hinted at its significance.

Zevran stood up and we left the dining room together and walked to his room. He was grinning broadly. "Isolde looked about to have a heart attack."

"It would be very convenient if she did," I said. I wondered if I could learn a paralysis spell and cast it on her heart.

"Oh? I could arrange something accidental," Zevran said.

"Gah!" I paced his room while he looked through his vials for the antidote. "I can't. I worked too hard to save Eamon's family to destroy it now. I need that man to be able to focus on pulling the country together, not mourning his wife in addition to having his only son incarcerated by the Chantry."

As I paced I started to feel sweaty and my stomach suddenly seized up with cramps, I bent over and groaned.

"Hmmm, maybe you got more than you thought," Zevran said. "Drink the entire vial." He handed me a vial full of a clear liquid. It had a slimy feeling as it slid down my throat, but was fairly tasteless. "You should lay down, your muscles might lock up."

I laid down on his bed and tried to heal myself, but my muscles were racked with tremors and I just couldn't do it.

"How much worse is this going to get?" I asked him, shivering violently and yet sweating.

"The antidote should take effect any minute," he sat beside me and wiped the sweat off my face with his sleeve. "Painful?" he asked.

I tried to nod but, my muscles stopped obeying me. I could only move my eyes and blink.

"You'll be fine, mia cara, just a few more moments," he said, softly, wrapping his hand around mine.

A very dark thought crossed my mind: What if the antidote weren't an antidote but more poison? Fuck! Why did I have to think of that now? That thought would have been useful five minutes ago, right now it was just making me panic. Trust, trust. Trust! I must trust, Zevran. His eyes looked so warm, kind even. Was he comforting me until my lungs stopped working and death overtook me? Maybe he set this up to make it look like Isolde poisoned me. He had always described himself as a rather kindly assassin. Giving his targets some form of comfort before killing them. He had been sitting next to me at the table, he certainly had access to my teacup.

"Your trust in me is touching, mia cara." He smiled softly at me. "I could have poisoned you, you know? But it never even crossed your mind to doubt me." He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

What was that? Some sort of Antivan kiss of death?

"Any second now," he said. "Just relax, it'll be easier if you're not tense."

I could feel a tear running down my cheek. Adieu, cruel world. Cut down in my prime, or my re-prime. To be given the gift of youth and beauty, only to have it stolen away. Betrayed by a friend.

Suddenly I felt my muscles relax. The horrible rigidity that had seized my body lifted and I sobbed with relief. Zevran hugged me.

"That was worse than I thought it would be, mia cara. You had me worried. Are you all right?"

I hugged him as tightly as I could, which wasn't much. I was weak as a kitten. I was so sorry I had doubted him. I would never doubt him again. I felt horribly guilty now.

He helped me sit up and I summoned the will to heal myself. I felt much better. The healing spell wouldn't affect the poison, but it took care of some of the damage done by it.

"Now, why aren't you going to retaliate, Lucy? Surely Isolde deserves a slow, painful death for that?" Zevran asked.

"Because blackmail would be far more useful right now. I know as soon as Eamon is well enough to listen she's going to try to turn him against me. It would be far more useful if she were working with us."

Zevran chuckled. "I really must convince you to come with me to Antiva. Your talents are wasted here."

"But, I can't really prove it was Isolde that poisoned me. Obviously she has a servant working with her. We need to figure out who that is and get them to agree to testify against her, if necessary."

"I think I can help with that. Should I be nice about it?" he asked.

"Nice is preferable," I handed him the pouch of gold I was carrying. I had no trouble trusting him with our gold after having trusted him with my life.

He helped me to my feet and I hugged him again, tightly now that I had my strength back.

"Thanks, Zev," I said. "I owe you one."

I went back out to the dining table. Alistair and Teagan both watched me as I sat down. Isolde had left while I was gone.

"Are you all right?" Teagan asked. "You look a little pale."

"I'm fine, thanks." I smiled at him reassuringly. I didn't want to tell Teagan, I wasn't sure what he would do if he knew that Isolde tried to kill me.

Teagan spoke to Alistair about the swimming hole they both knew about, dropping hints that he should go. I was hoping he was smart enough to realize he should take Kaitlyn with him. I whispered in Teagan's ear that perhaps he should make a few suggestions to Alistair. Perhaps a picnic lunch, or something romantic.

Teagan gave me sly wink. "Leave it to me. Perhaps I should let him borrow the book."

I sighed. "But we've only gotten halfway through it," I joked. "On fine, I won't be selfish. Just keep in mind, he's a bit skittish about such things."

I spent the rest of the morning in Morrigan's room and we worked on my crow transformation. She wanted me to try some flight. She lifted me up to the top of her armoire and coached me. First I just spread my wings, stepped off, and glided to the floor. I began to learn I could control how quickly I could descend and I glided around the room, turning to avoid obstacles. I crashed into the bed once but it was harmless. Then I experimentally flapped my wings and landed on the canopy of her bed. I cawed noisily in my excitement.

"Shush, Lucy, let's not draw undo attention to the crow in my bedroom," she warned me.

I hopped happily, doing a little avian victory dance. I was eager to get outside and try my wings, but my first priority was to resolve matters with Isolde and work on convincing Eamon to cooperate with Loghain. I glided down to the floor and transformed back.

Being a bird was going to be incredibly useful.

~o~o~o~

"I have an informant for you, Lucy," Zevran said.

I followed him to his room and there was a middle-aged, elven servant wringing his hands and looking terrified.

"I'm sorry, lady," he said, hanging his head and refusing to look me in the eye.

"Don't be frightened," I said, kindly. Dammit! What goes on to make elven servants so timid and afraid to stand up for themselves? I could just imagine Isolde terrorizing her staff. "What is your name?"

"Bertrand, lady," he whispered.

"Bertrand, did you put the poison in my tea?" I asked, trying to sound as nice as possible.

"Yes, ma'am. I didn't want to, but Lady Isolde threatened to fire me if I didn't. I need this job, ma'am. My wife is expecting."

I took the man's hands in my own. "Don't worry, Bertrand, I'll see that you keep your job or we'll get you an even better job, and make sure you're well rewarded for your integrity." I felt tears coming to my eyes. It was just so blasted unfair. I felt dirty by dint of being a human in this country. Guilt by association: Just one of the many flavors of guilt I could conjure up.

"Would you be willing to tell Arl Eamon or Bann Teagan about the poisoning if necessary?" I said. "I'm hoping to avoid that, but it might be necessary."

"Could I have the purse, Zev?" I whispered. He placed it in my hand. I didn't know what a fair reward would be, but we still had quite a bit of money left over from our prior trip to Denerim. I counted out thirty sovereigns and handed them to the man.

"Oh, my lady!" He finally looked up at me, his eyes shining with tears. "May Andraste Herself carry you to your sweet rest," he said. "I will testify about what Lady Isolde asked to anyone, even the Regent himself if necessary."

I smiled at him. "Thank you, Bertrand. Would you want me to get you a place with Bann Teagan? I think I can convince him. You should be safe from Isolde at Rainesfere."

"Oh, yes! Bann Teagan is a good man. It would be good to get away from Lady Isolde," he said. I saw a flash of hatred in his eyes before he could bury it under his subservient demeanor.

"All right," I said, cheerfully. I clasped Bertrand's hands in mine. "I'm sorry you were forced to do that. I don't hold it against you a bit." His tears would spark my own if I weren't very careful. I was definitely on the verge of becoming verklempt.

As Bertrand left Zevran looked at me with amusement.

"What?" I asked.

"You can't do it," he said. "I don't know about where you come from, but you can't throw a rock in Thedas without hitting a Bertrand. You can't save them all." He crossed his arms, his own eyes went hard. "Harden your heart, warden. We haven't even been to an Alienage yet."

"Maybe I can't help all the Bertrands out there, but perhaps I can do something about the Isoldes." I wondered at Zevran. Just a few hours ago he had been so compassionate when I was suffering from the poison. But faced with the suffering of his own race, how could he be so cold?

I got up and went to the door. "Thanks, Zev. I'd better go deal with Isolde."

"Need some help? I can be very scary," he offered.

I smiled. "You can come, but I don't think I'm going to need you to be scary for me. I've got a lot of scary stored up to unleash on her."

We asked around and found she was in her room, I knocked and a servant answered her door.

"My lady?"

"Would you please tell Lady Isolde that Lady Cousland would like to speak with her," I said.

She nodded and closed the door while we waited in the hall. She returned after a few moments.

"I'm sorry, Lady Cousland, but Lady Isolde is not feeling well," she said. "Could you come back later?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm afraid not, my dear. If you would be so good as to go elsewhere for a bit. I need to have a private word with your lady."

I slipped into the room and put a gentle, but insistent hand on the servant's shoulder and guided her to the open door. I also slipped her a sovereign on the way out. "Thank you, my dear," I said pleasantly.

I went into the room, a large sitting room, and closed and locked the door behind us.

"Molly, did you get rid of her?" I heard Isolde say from the next room.

I couldn't help the evil grin. I strode into the room, Zevran followed me in.

"Yes, I got rid of Molly."

Isolde was facing her vanity mirror and she jumped up and clasped her hands to her neck, looking about to faint. "What are you doing here? I don't want any visitors!"

"I didn't want any deathroot in my tea this morning, but I got some anyway," I sneered at her. "Really, Isolde, if you're going to try to murder someone you really should hire a professional, like Zevran. He's pretty expensive though."

"What... what are you talking about?" Isolde said, trying to press herself back, like she was trying to shrink out of view.

"It's fine, Isolde, we know all about it. Bertrand confessed. I wonder how your husband will feel about being married to a poisoner? Hmmm, maybe he'll think you poisoned him." I tapped my cheek with my finger. "I'm sure your brother-in-law will be shocked." I smiled evilly. "If I choose to tell them."

Isolde's eyes darted back and forth wildly. She looked like a cornered animal. "No, oh Maker, no! I didn't... I wouldn't... you would tell my husband that I poisoned him?"

"Calm yourself, Isolde. I don't have to say anything to anyone, do I?" I looked over at Zevran and he shook his head. "I could keep this between us. Our little secret... if..." I giggled, "If you can be cooperative."

Isolde nodded her head slowly.

"Oh good! I just knew we would become close friends one day." I reached out for her hand and she shrank away. "Oh Isolde, come let's sit down and chat." Zevran moved towards her and she scurried away from her vanity closer to me. I put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her tight to me. "Best friends forever!" I beamed at her and walked with her out to the sitting room. I guided her to a divan and sat her on it, seating myself extremely close to her. "Zevran, could you pour a drink for all of us? I'm feeling festive."

Zevran poured some brandy for all of us, from a nearby decanter, and handed us a glass. He sat in a chair not far away.

"I'd like to propose a toast." I stood and raised my glass. "To my new best friend, Isolde!" I drank the brandy in one gulp as did Zevran. I tried to hide the fact that it nearly made me choke and my eyes water.

Isolde just sat, trembling, her glass clutched in her hand.

"Come Isolde! Drink up. I'll be insulted if you don't."

She raised the glass with a trembling hand to her lips and swallowed a little, tears were running down her face.

"Oh now, you can do better than that, I think."

She lifted the glass and drained it, then coughed and gripped her throat.

"Do you feel that burning?" I said.

She nodded a whimpered.

"Brandy does that," I said. "A guilty conscience makes you think perhaps someone would poison you." I glared at her.

"Elissa... Lady Cousland, I'm sorry. I don't know why... I was just so angry. I wanted you gone." She began to cry in earnest, her sobs made her shake.

"Okay, here's how this works, Isolde. I want whatever hatred you have of me to end right here. When you talk to your husband about events that transpired, I don't want any of your venom or hatred of me to color his views. Do you understand?"

She nodded.

"I need to hear you say it," I said.

"I promise, I won't say anything about you," she sobbed.

"And I want you to treat your servants with respect and dignity, human or elven. If I hear of you misusing them or asking them to do your dirty work for you, like poisoning guests, I'm going to be extremely unhappy with you. Do you understand this?"

"I promise, Lady Cousland," she whimpered.

"You fucked up, royally, Isolde. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here, maybe you're losing your mind. But I suggest you find it quickly and start being a much nicer, more humble, person."

Isolde squeezed her eyes shut and nodded vigorously. "I will, I promise."

"Good!" I said, rising. "Let's go, Zev."

"Wait, Elissa," she said, standing. "I... " She threw herself at me and hugged me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that."

"Oh come on, Isolde, I think you do know." I patted her on the back. "Better get over it, he's your brother-in-law and you're a married woman."

She looked down at her feet and nodded.

I left with Zevran and as we were walking down the hall I turned to him. "That went well, don't you think?"

He laughed harder than I'd ever seen him laugh. "You certainly have an interesting way of being scary and intimidating."

"Hey!" I protested, "It worked, didn't it? I thought I did a pretty good job. Wasn't the bit with the brandy good? She was sure we were making her drink poison."

"You're so wordy. You could have slapped her around a bit and told her if she stepped out of line again you'd cut her throat. Job done in three minutes, tops."

I sighed. "I am trying to salvage her sanity. Give her a chance to come back from this and be a better person, not reduce her into a quivering lump of terrified flesh. She's probably already barely clinging to her sanity."

"You really need to harden yourself, my warden," Zevran said, shaking his head. "Associating with someone like Loghain is going to be tough if you're not prepared for how ugly life can be here."

I stopped in my tracks and looked at him, my head tilted to the side. What did that mean?