Present

"You know the rest from there. By the time someone found us the car had started on fire, Ramsay died at the scene, I was basically in a coma for the next few days. By the time I woke up everyone already had decided I was guilty of killing him, the tests confirmed I was under the influence after all. My parents arranged to pay Roose off, and I was sent away for a year," Sansa concluded.

They stared at each other as she finished her story. She was sitting at the end of the bed in Jon's room, he across from her in a chair. She was no longer crying, in fact she'd stopped as she had described the rape, something had broken in that moment, Jon had seen it and it had killed him, he had almost begged her to stop, but he had forced himself to let her finish, he knew he had a duty to share her pain. He reached for her now.

"Don't," she cautioned him. His hand froze in midair, he looked at her and let his arm fall to his side, he flexed his fingers, they seemed distressed not to touch her. But in that moment she couldn't stand the thought of being touched, she felt flayed, her flesh stripped away, every nerve exposed.

"If he wasn't dead I'd kill him," he told her.

"I know."

"Sansa, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I wasn't there, that I couldn't… that I didn't protect you. I'll never let that happen again, I swear it, but I'll protect you from now on."

"No one can protect anyone Jon." With that she rose from the bed and walked towards the patio, she opened the doors and took a deep breath.

He didn't know what to do or how to respond to that, she seemed so broken, so far away from him now. He was furious, to the point he was shaking. He hated Ramsay, he was furious with Ygritte, but mostly he was angry with himself, for failing her and then breaking her trust when she needed him most.

"I sometimes wonder if he meant die," she said suddenly turning back towards him.

"What? Why?"

"I think he meant to run us into the trees head on or at least more head on to the left, he wanted me dead but I can't imagine he'd want to kill himself in the process. But we fought and he jerked the wheel so hard that we went into the area where the trees jutted out to the right. I think we hit those before we were able to make the head on impact that would've likely killed me. I don't know….."

"Why haven't….. why didn't you tell anyone the truth?"

She reeled back at his words like he had slapped her, his heart shattered, he didn't want to add to her pain. She turned and walked to the edge of the balcony and stared out towards the dark sky, her back to him.

"I didn't mean….. Sansa I'm not judging you, I just want to understand. Please come back inside." He went to reach for her and stopped himself.

She half turned towards him, the moonlight catching on the fresh tears that slid down her cheeks. Jon inhaled sharply, he hated that he had wounded her so. She whipped her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffing back a sob and looked at him. His lips parted to say something, anything that might undo the damage he'd done, but she spoke first.

"Well at first I was shocked, shocked he was actually dead, shocked at what happened," she walked back into the room as she spoke but kept her distance from him. "Then it all came back to me, the accident, what happened right before… I was scared and ashamed and broken. Hell by the time I woke up I had already been judged guilty, no one seemed concern with my version by then anyways…. Then my parents explained that you had told them about my drinking problem and they looked so sad and guilty they didn't see it, didn't help me before. Then I became terrified that if I told them what happened they won't believe me, that they would think I was trying to make excuses or trying to spare them or something, and the thought that they won't believe me, I couldn't bear it, I knew it would break me completely, I'd never recover from that, I knew it. Then they told me that they had offered to pay Mr Bolton a lot of money and he had agreed to talk to the DA on my behalf. Then I was scared that if I told them the truth and they did believe me they would call off the deal and they would fight it, fight for me, and then what? A trial? Being dragged through the press? My life picked apart and sensationalized? And who would believe me really? The public is terrible and I was 17, I'd just be some rich spoiled girl, and Ramsay was dead, everyone would say I was lying and he couldn't defend himself, that I was just trying to save myself... Then it set in that I had killed someone, maybe he deserved it, but still I felt it was my fault, and maybe I owed a debt for that, so I decided I would accept the rehab and the exile to Lysa's because maybe that was what I deserved. I wasn't in a good place, not with all that had happened... But in that time I was away I had a lot of time to think, I grew bitter and angry, with my parents, with you, with anyone that hadn't even bothered to ask for my side; eventually I decided none of you deserved the truth, not then, not ever. So I shoved it all away, worked on making a separate life, worked to leave it all behind me…."

She was looking at him fully now, he got the sense that she was pulling away from him again, her walls were going back up. The thought was making it hard for him to breath. The room felt small, the air heavy with regret and anger.

"I'm so sorry I failed you, I never meant for all of this to happen, for you to feel like this. Not then, not now."

They stood looking at each other for what seemed like hours, the silence stretching between them.

Sansa broke the silence first. "I'm broken, you understand that right? I'm broken and I'm not sure I'll ever be whole, and if you want me, want to be with me I fear I may never be enough for you because I'm just so damaged," her voice trembled as she spoke, her eyes cast down to his feet.

He could take it no longer, he stepped towards her, slow but deliberately. "I'm going to touch you now," he whispered softly, though his tone offered no room for rejection. He pulled her into his arms, she resisted him at first, struggling to pull away. He released her and brought his hands up to the sides of her face, saying her name like a prayer.

She stopped struggling and their eyes locked, hers blue, roiling like the sea before a storm, full of hurt and pain, his gray, like summer rain clouds, calm and mournful. She collapsed into him then and began to sob into his shoulder. He held her, unsure of what to say, if it even mattered what he said. He picked her up and carried her to the bed. He lay her down and then lay beside her drawing her against him. He stroked her cheek, her hair, her back and held her as she cried. When she finally stopped crying they lay side by side facing each other.

"I want to thank you," he whispered.

She let out a stilted laugh of disbelief, "What for?"

"For deciding I was finally worthy of the truth."

xxxxxx

They had fallen asleep facing each other and had woken early when the sun started to stream in through the patio doors. Sansa didn't wish to rehash most of what they discussed last night and Jon felt thankful, he was having a hard time processing it as it was, he could not believe she had lived with it for all these years. She felt relieved to finally have said the words out loud, to no longer be alone in bearing the weight of the truth but she made it clear to him that she was not ready for her family to know the truth, not yet. That left him feeling torn, it felt good to be the one she trusted, but it was also a terrible burden to bear.

He was grateful they at least had the morning to hide out in his room and try to process all the years of events and emotions. Jon ordered room service so they could eat breakfast and stay in the protection of his room as long as possible.

Robb called in the early afternoon, he needed Jon for the afternoon, so with great reluctance he and Sansa separated. He promised he would try to get back to her as soon as possible but she assured him she would be ok and he needed to focus on her brother, at least for the next 36 hours, but she also wanted some space to think on her own.

She made her way down to the beach, walking along the shore for some time, watching the dark clouds that were building in, threatening the forecasted rain that Olenna Tyrell had feared. She was reflecting on last night and how she felt this morning. During breakfast with Jon there had been a lot of silence and long pauses, Jon had seemed unsure what to say to her. She worried that now in the light of day he might feel differently about her but she couldn't bring herself to ask him. It has hurt to open all her old wounds, to strip herself so bare before him but the more she thought about it now the more she realized she didn't want to let those things define her anymore. She had let that night, had let Ramsay, continue to steal things from her in the last three years, and watching Jon over pancakes this morning made her realize what a waste it had been. Now she knew it was time to take the power back, admitting the truth had been a big first step in that process.

She spotted Jeyne and Theon from a distance. She hung back trying to determine if she was ready to put the mask back on, to pretend it was all ok again. However while she weighed her options she saw Theon stand, give Jeyne a quick kiss and head in the other direction. She knew continuing to rebuild her relationship with Jeyne was important, it was a step forward and admittedly she was now completely intrigued at what exactly was going on over there.

"Hey," Jeyne greeted her brightly then looked at Sansa with concern, "You look drained, are you ok? Did you not sleep well?"

"Was that Theon? And was that a kiss?" Sansa decided she would deflect.

Jeyne blushed and giggled. "You saw that?"

"Spill," Sansa commanded.

xxxx

Jon had texted her as she had returned from the beach to apologize and let her know he won't be able to get back to her tonight, apparently Robb really wanted them to have one final guys' night, though Jon promised her it would be low key, a bourbon and cigars sort of night, no dance clubs. She told him it was fine and to enjoy the night. As much as she wanted to be with him she had no desire to steal away her brother's best friend/best man from him the night before his wedding, and it had made her smile to think of the three musketeers having one last night together before they started embarking on the next phases of their lives. She allowed herself a moment of indulgence, day dreaming that everyone might be together again if she married Jon or if Jeyne married Theon, well if their hookup from last night became something more than just a hookup...

She had been able to avoid dealing with the emotional fallout of last night for most of the day. But now sitting alone in her room, rain lashing at the windows, the doubts had started to creep in, she could hear Ramsay's voice in her head, a voice she had mostly managed to block out in the last year, "He didn't even want you. I doubt he'd want you now, not after I've had you..." She found her own voice starting to chime in, "You're broken, damaged, why would he want that, he could have any girl, so why would he want you?"

She looked at herself in the mirror, she did look drawn and tired, she sighed, she couldn't look like this for the wedding tomorrow, her mother would be relentless, probably try to blame Jon even. She had avoided her mother all day, she was processing too much as it was, so making peace with Cat was not high on her list of priorities at the moment. She considered cancelling her dinner plans with Arya and Gendry but then decided she should still go, she just needed to make it an early night so she had enough rest for tomorrow. She just prayed her mind would cooperate with the plan.