A/N: So, parts of this chapter have been in the works for a while. I'm not totally happy with how some of the action came out but if I sat on this chapter any longer I was going to go crazy. Forgive the rough patches – the next two chapters will more than make up for it, I promise.

Thank you so much for all the love, I can't believe this little story is pushing 350 reviews and has over 500 follows! I love writing it and can't wait to share the rest of my devious plans with you as the story unfolds. Extra love to Stencil Your Heart, who beta'd the first half of this chapter but not the last, so any errors you see there are 100% my fault!

The usual language and violence warnings apply!

Disclaimer – Gosh, wouldn't it be nice if I owned Cap?

Chapter 26 – Apologies and Surprise Attacks

Bucky never expected to be the type of man who stared into the bottom of his lowball glass. Growing up in Brooklyn he'd seen his fair share of drunks, men slumped over bar tops and sprawled out in alleyways the following morning. He'd witnessed enough bar brawls and broken families to ward him away from finding too much comfort in the bottle. The fear of ending up with even less than he already had kept him from drinking to excess. But lately those concerns hadn't stopped him from wandering down to the nearest pub to relieve the bartender of a glass or two. In the two weeks after returning to London from Paris, Bucky found himself desperate for anything that could take even a little bit of the edge off.

Lately Bucky felt as though he were made of nothing but edges. Even the smallest inconveniences piqued his irritation. His usual outlets for his foul moods only led to more trouble. If he tried to take his mood out on a punching bag he ended up hitting too hard. There was only so much target practice he could do; not even the SSR possessed an endless supply of ammunition. Trying to find diversion with the rest of the Commandos usually led to dance halls where he glumly stared at the happy couples, but spending all of his time with Steve led to questions he didn't want to answer and lectures he wasn't ready to hear. Bucky's only other outlet happened to be the source of his ennui. He couldn't very well back Sadie into a corner and kiss her breathless, especially when they'd barely spoken in two weeks.

So it was scotch for Bucky. He liked to drink at a small pub a few blocks further from the SSR headquarters where he could sit in peace and not worry about anyone disturbing him.

"Another?"

Bucky glanced at the bartender, a middle-aged man with a bottlebrush mustache and a potbelly. In the milliseconds that passed, Bucky considered whether he should have a third or if he'd rather cut his losses and slink back to the bunker. On the one hand he could get a full night's sleep before the Commandos moved out to Belgium in the morning. On the other he would have that much more time in his room alone with his thoughts. He started to nod when a voice disrupted him.

"Make it two, his drink's on me."

Evelyn Lewis flashed Bucky a cheeky smile. Her flaming red hair stood out in the mostly drab bar, resting just atop her shoulders in thick curls that, when they caught the light just right, actually reminded Bucky of flames. She perched herself on the barstool next to his and rested her chin in her hand, clearly trying not to give in to her smug satisfaction.

"Congratulations," he muttered glumly. "You found me."

"Like it was hard." Evelyn's sarcasm had a mild acidic bite, just tame enough to be humorous but Bucky suspected she could be quite cutting when she wanted to be. "You know, for a world class soldier and sharpshooter you're not very good at hiding."

Bucky snorted in humorless laughter. "Are you here to insult me? Or are you here to try and talk some sense into me?"

"Neither," she replied with firm frankness.

The bartender slid two lowballs of scotch to them. Bucky curled a hand around the glass. Just before he drank he couldn't quite stop the vitriol from spilling over. "I thought you broads were supposed to hate the men in your friends' lives who do them wrong or whatever."

Where Sadie would immediately fire off a witty reply, Evelyn was more contemplative and took his foul mood with good humor. "Well I guess that depends, have you wronged her lately?"

"Haven't I?"

"Not according to Sadie," replied Evelyn after first sip. Bucky actually lifted his head to stare at her in astonishment. "But if that's not the case then tell me now while I've still got enough drink to throw in your face before I storm out in dramatic fashion."

Bucky couldn't help it. He laughed for the first time in days. "Unless you count barely talking to each other as wrongdoing then you can keep your drink, Red. I'm not out there looking for her replacement if that's what you're implying."

"You couldn't find one even if you tried," snapped Evelyn, a sentiment that Bucky wholeheartedly agreed with. "In all seriousness, I came to see how you're doing." She faltered, exposing her nerves and the gamble she thought she was taking. "It's just-I know that it's been a rough couple of weeks for both of you."

More than he hated actually feeling emotionally raw, Bucky hated that the rest of the world knew it too. Perhaps in a larger infantry unit where he hardly saw Sadie he could properly hide the tension but not with a unit this small and close. Everyone knew they were skidding off course and everyone had a private opinion even if they lacked all the facts. A nasty part of him ached to return to a time in his life when he bounced from one girl to the next not caring much for how she fared in the wake of the split. But whenever Bucky thought back to those days he felt as though he was peering in on someone else's life.

He blew out a hard sigh before he downed a quarter of his drink. Yes, the days of cutting and running were long gone. Still, Sadie differed from his past relationships in nearly every single respect except for one. "I'd be a hell of a lot better if I knew why women are so complicated."

Evelyn rolled her eyes. "I swear, for someone so smart you're such a dummy! Sadie's about as far from complicated as it gets." Bucky made a grunt of disbelief. "She's really not once you realize one very important truth about her."

"Which is?"

"She's an all or nothing kind of girl," said Evelyn simply. She sipped her scotch while she waited for Bucky to process this piece of information. What she said made sense on a fundamental level. Their relationship hadn't progressed in miniscule increments and drawn out flirtation so much as in leaps and bounds, but when she kissed him their entire relationship changed on a dime and neither of them had really looked back since. The same was true about her general approach to her job. When Sadie was on duty she threw her whole self into the job. "And on top of that she's smart and guarded. So when she chooses to give part of herself to someone it's not a small thing. And her giving her heart to you? Letting you in the way she has?" Evelyn let out a low whistle. "It's a huge deal."

"I do know that."

"But you don't appreciate it," she countered. Bucky actually set down his glass and opened his mouth to argue. Evelyn held up a sharp hand to cut him off. "I'm not saying you don't appreciate her or love her. I'm saying that you don't appreciate what it means for a woman like Sadie to give you her love. In all honesty, Sadie doesn't really get it either. I don't think she's prepared at all for what's going to happen if you two split."

Wiping his face with his hands, Bucky was starting to bitterly regret opening himself up to conversation with Evelyn. He wished he'd shut her down and sent her on her way with her disappointment. But he was too deep in it now and something Evelyn said struck too deep of a chord with him. "I don't want to split up. Maybe you don't believe me but I don't want to lose her."

"Oh, I believe you. Otherwise you'd have already done it and Sadie knows that too."

Bucky thought about the two weeks they'd gone and the sparse conversations they'd had, peppered with sparks of a fight and even a few choice barbs. He couldn't remember the last time they'd shared a joke or even kissed where it didn't feel tense. "She's got a funny way of showing it."

"She's hurting and is totally clueless as to how to handle it! When Sadie loves someone she does it with her whole heart and right now you're both threatening to break each other's and someone's got to end this stalemate!"

"That's what you think this is? A stalemate?" Bucky frowned. "What did she tell you?"

Evelyn flushed pink. Hastily she took a drink to buy herself some extra seconds to formulate a response. But in the end she had to admit what she clearly didn't want to. "Not much of anything. That woman is a vault and Lord help me but this time I don't know the combination. It just seems like you two are staring each other down and nobody really knows why."

A significant part of Bucky appreciated Sadie's discretion. Knowing that she didn't want to air her dirty laundry out to the world somehow made this whole situation just a tiny bit better. Yet, Bucky knew they couldn't keep it all one giant secret forever. The way Steve and Peggy looked at him, he suspected they were trying to put the pieces together behind closed doors and it was only a matter of time before they figured it out. Bucky drained his glass and decided to blame his response on the scotch.

"We fought because I didn't tell the doctors in Azzano that Zola experimented on me. I dunno, we said a bunch of stuff but basically I want to kill the bastard and she doesn't want me to." Bucky glared at his empty glass, half-willing it to refill itself in order to make this painful conversation more bearable. "She's worried that all I think about is revenge and that it's going to take over my life."

"Is she right?"

Evelyn reached the heart of the problem quickly, asking the very same question Bucky had been asking himself for two weeks. In the first week after Paris, Bucky had done a spectacular job of convincing himself that she'd blown things out of proportion. She'd been upset about the medicine and the experimentation and Bucky expected her to come down from her ledge. But when she didn't, when she remained distant and depressed, Bucky knew she'd been dead serious. Bucky didn't enjoy staring down the reasoning of his decisions but he'd done more soul searching in the past seven days than he had perhaps his entire life.

"I don't know," he admitted, shame burning in his voice. Bucky thought he would know more by now and that he would have the magical answer. "Maybe."

"Can I ask you what might be a stupid question?"

Bucky raised an eyebrow, too tempted by the prospect to say no. "Of course."

"If keeping Sadie isn't worth giving up your quest for Zola then what is?"

"I never said that she wasn't."

"Are you sure? Because where I'm sitting the math is pretty simple. You love Sadie and you say you want to marry her but instead of spending our last few free hours before we ship out to Belgium with her, you're getting drunk in a pub with me. It seems like either you already know the answer and you aren't willing to admit it or you're refusing to let it go."

Leaning back in his seat, Bucky struggled to maintain control over his rapidly thinning patience. "I thought you were coming to check up on me and not do this?"

Evelyn bit her lip to hide the worst of her sheepish smile. "It's a bit of both. Sadie is my best friend, can you blame me for wanting to get to the bottom of this mess?"

Bucky supposed that Evelyn was no worse than Steve, constantly trying to cajole Bucky into talking or doing his best to orchestrate situations that would facilitate reconciliation. "Why, though? I mean why worry about me at all?"

"Because you're my friend too," she said as though he were an idiot. "And because you make Sadie happy and after everything the war's taken away from her I think she deserves to be happy."

Evelyn drained her glass and slid it across the bar. Over her protests, Bucky paid the tab and offered his arm to her. Together they abandoned the warm, cozy pub for the chilly, drizzly London night. In the morning the two of them would join the rest of their unit, bound for Antwerp and then on to destroy another HYDRA base. The base was one of the two identified in Zola's patient files and the recent Allied progress through Belgium opened up a window of opportunity for the Commandos to strike the base with a large military base close enough to provide support if needed.

But that was tomorrow. Tonight, Bucky walked Evelyn back to the SSR quarters in comfortable silence. It wasn't until they reached the building that Evelyn spoke again. "Do you think you can not tell Sadie I went to talk to you? She'd murder me if she found out I was meddling."

But would rather face a fire-breathing dragon than betray both women. "Your secret's safe with me."

Evelyn smiled up at him and let go of his arm, preparing to part ways to her room. She stood a few steps above him on the main staircase. A wistful smile touched her lips. "For what it's worth, I've been rooting for you the whole time."

The encouragement embedded in Evelyn's words and the warmth in her voice bolstered Bucky, even if for a little while. After Evelyn went up to her room he trudged up the stairs to his own. Already his gear was packed and ready to go for the early five a.m. departure. For a while he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling before he resigned himself to getting little sleep. He retreated to the small desk by the window and started a letter to Rebecca, writing until eventually he slumped over the desk and stayed there until he woke up to Steve rapping on his door just after four-thirty.

X X X

Bucky kept his promise to Evelyn and said nothing to Sadie about their conversation. This proved to be an easy promise to keep because from the moment he arrived at the airfield in Ipswich everyone was so busy with preparations for the coming mission that Bucky didn't have five minutes to think, let alone talk to Sadie. The aide team oversaw all of the supplies that the SSR was sending to Antwerp, including desperately needed medical supplies and food. The second Steve got his hooks into Bucky he didn't let go, dragging him into strategy sessions that found Bucky studying maps as best as he could on the turbulent plane ride and reading troop movement reports as soon as he got on the ground in Antwerp.

The plan was to head west towards Herentals and turn north short of the city towards the forest that scattered across the countryside. Reconnaissance photos revealed some abandoned farm buildings where the unit could establish a base of operations. From there it was a simple matter of scouting out the factory, laying low, and striking at the right time. Two crates of Stark-designed explosives were tasked with doing the job of leveling the small factory and wiping one more HYDRA stronghold off the map and advancing the SSR one step further in the war against Schmidt.

Bucky and Gabe stood beneath an overhang on the front steps of the abandoned mansion that the SSSR was temporarily appropriating. They watched as SSR staff members stationed in Antwerp loaded the crates into the back of a covered troop truck. Gabe stifled a yawn while he fished a pack of cigarettes out of his breast pocket.

"You want one?" He offered the pack to Bucky and he shook his head. Gabe bobbed his head to a song that Bucky couldn't hear, as cheerful as ever. "Man, I keep thinking about this all-night club around the corner from my place back home. When we get home I'm gonna take you there."

Bucky squinted into the pouring rain. "Sounds like a plan," he said, his voice as distant as his mind.

Gabe blew out a cloud of smoke downwind. "Music's a good way to get your mind off things."

Steve rescued Bucky from having to respond when he appeared in the doorway, pocketing his compass. "I just got word, the U.S. First secured the south end of Brussels."

The grim note in Steve's tone piqued Bucky's curiosity. "That's good news, right?"

Steve adjusted the straps of his shield holster. He didn't quite meet Bucky's eyes. "The Germans are retaliating with V bombs. Some of the towns to the East are getting hammered." Raking his fingers through his hair, Steve's face pulled into a grimace. "Looks like we'll be going right into the line of fire again."

The bottom of Bucky's stomach dropped out.

"How far can the bombs travel?" Gabe asked.

"Far enough," muttered Steve. He clapped Bucky on the shoulder. "Come on, we need to move out. The longer we wait the riskier this is going to be."

Bucky joined Steve, Gabe and the rest of the Commandos and half of the aide team for the short drive to the hospital. Doc Holmes was waiting for them at the door with another doctor, judging by his surgeon's smock and cap. Steve jumped down to talk to them, Bucky on his heels.

"We need to talk to you, Captain," he said, wiping the sheen of sweat off his forehead. They ducked just inside the doorway.

Chaos usually accompanied hospitals in combat zones but this was a special type of anarchy, Bucky thought as he tried to listen to Doc Holmes over the din. Movement whirled through his peripheral vision and he had to jump out of the way for two men bearing a litter which held a screaming soldier.

"Doc?"

"This is Doctor Tremblay with the Canadian army." Doctor Tremblay was a tall, ghostly pale man with a shock of black hair. He looked, if possible, even more exhausted than Doc Holmes. "He would ask you himself but his English isn't very good. The hospital is overrun and understaffed. Evelyn, Sadie and I have been working overtime to help and it's still not enough. With your permission I'd like to order Nurse Lewis to stay and help Doctor Tremblay. The surgeons are in desperate need of a well-trained surgical nurse and Nurse Lewis is the best of the best."

Steve and Bucky shared a dubious glance. "You think you and Nurse Reid can handle everything just the two of you?"

Doc Holmes nodded. "Nurse Reid might as well be a doctor with her knowledge and skill set. She's more than capable of handling her duties and Evelyn's. She's gathering her gear and supplies right now."

Bucky didn't know why, but he hated the idea of Sadie being in the field without Evelyn. The two women were a package deal, especially in combat zones. Steve, however, didn't seem to see the oddity or concern at leaving Sadie to handle the role of two nurses on her own. "Tell Nurse Lewis her orders have changed and to give it her all."

Doc Holmes grinned and turned to Doctor Tremblay, giving him a thumbs up. The Doctor's weathered, concerned expression gave way to a relieved smile and he shook Bucky and Steve's hands again with unbridled enthusiasm. "Truth be told they begged to keep all of us, but a couple more days at this pace and I think I'd drop dead. Plus, someone needs to keep Nurse Reid from working herself to the bone."

Bucky scowled. He watched Doctor Tremblay shuffle away to presumably give orders to keep Evelyn at the hospital. The doctor passed Sadie who carried a larger pack than usual along with a bulging musette bag and a small supply crate. Her helmet sat on top of the crate and Bucky took note of the dark circles beneath her eyes. When she came close enough he strode forward to relieve her of the crate.

"Thanks," she said, her eyes catching his for just a fleeting second before turning to Doc Holmes. "Doctor Tremblay looks like he's ready to dance on the ceiling. I take it Evelyn is staying behind?"

"It's for the best. She'll be more useful in surgery," Doc Holmes explained and Sadie nodded. She hitched her thumbs beneath the straps of her pack to pull it higher on her shoulders. "Are you ready?"

Sadie turned her face towards the open doorway and the waiting troop truck. "Let's get going and get this over with."

Bucky couldn't have said it better himself. He followed her into the rain, jogging to the back of the truck where he lifted the supplies up to Dugan and Dernier who carried it to the head of the truck to sit with the explosives. Bucky pulled himself up and held his hand out for Sadie. She grasped it and he lifted her with ease but she filed down to sit with Second Lieutenant Danes and Corporal Gutierrez, the other members of the aide team.

"Move down, will ya?" Steve nudged Bucky as he got into the back of the truck with Doc Holmes.

Bucky nodded and plopped down next to Gabe. He cast a furtive glance down to Sadie who did her best to relax with her company, smiling when Danes offered her part of his Hershey bar. On reflex, Bucky reached for his Saint Christopher's medal, rubbing his thumb over the smooth surface.

The truck rumbled to life and carried the unit out of Antwerp, headed west.

X X X

Without Evelyn at her side, Sadie felt oddly exposed, almost naked. Even when they worked different shifts or were in different parts of the hospital, Sadie took comfort knowing they were still together. Evelyn's oddly skewed sense of humor and penchant for saying whatever was on her mind gave Sadie comfort in the midst of the worst of the war. Lately, Sadie relied on Evelyn to pick up her often flagging mood and to remind her that Bucky wasn't the sun and her life didn't revolve around him. Evelyn made the war just a little more bearable.

Sadie tried to push down the feelings of loneliness and foreboding. During the drive out of Antwerp she sent several furtive glances toward Bucky who caught her eye more than once. This simple contact only made Sadie feel worse. Her cold treatment of him at the hospital was par for the course these days, a combination of Sadie's hurting heart and lack of knowing how to deal with him. Every time she tried to find the right words to tell him she didn't want to lose him, nothing came out right or, more often, nothing came out at all. And so they continued to stand on increasingly shaky, hollow ground, ready to give out beneath them with one badly-timed word or gesture.

Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back and attempted to divert her thoughts to anything else. A myriad of thoughts floated through her mind but always came back to the man sitting so close but still so far away.

The truck trundled to a stop outside of a miniscule village that Sadie suspected was either a ghost town or its inhabitants were hiding from the sound of the rumbling engine. A dilapidated farmhouse stood on the fringes, the furthest thing from glamorous but still better than most of Sadie's accommodations in the field.

"Let's get unloaded and inside," ordered Steve as he hopped down. Sadie's boots squelched in the muddy path up to the house. She ducked inside after Second Lieutenant Danes.

"Just once I'd like to stay some place that didn't smell like cats," muttered Danes and Sadie grinned.

"That's not cats," she noted. "That's wood rot."

Danes glanced over his shoulder. "How the hell would you know that?"

She shrugged and looked up at the exposed beams in the main room of the house. Sure enough she could see the dark sections of the beams that were beginning to crack along the surface. "There was an old barn on the back of my family's property. I used to sneak down there to play when I was a child until the building collapsed."

"Charming," muttered Corporal Gutierrez as he dropped his pack onto the table in the main room.

"Could be worse," noted Danes. "Remember that old carriage house we used in Poland?"

Gutierrez and Sadie both pulled faces. "Things can always be worse," she noted and unloaded her packs. She trotted back into the drizzle to retrieve the supply crate from the back of her truck, one of her primary jobs. The back footholds of the truck were slippery and her foot slid when she tried to pull herself up. A pair of strong hands caught her waist, steadying her and keeping her from an unfortunate meeting with the mud.

"Easy, Sade," muttered Bucky.

"I'm okay," she said softly and turned around. His hands loosened to allow her movement before coming to rest on her once more. Lifting her eyes she found him staring down at her. She swallowed hard and wished his blue gaze wasn't so intense. A hundred apologies, placations, and soothing words sprang to the tip of her tongue. Sadie was desperate to bridge the divide separating them but when she opened her mouth to speak none of that came out. "We're blocking the truck."

In an instant she knew she'd said the wrong thing. Bucky's hands left her body and his lips twisted into an ugly scowl. "Yeah, God forbid anyone see us within two feet of each other."

"Bucky, that's not what I meant," she kept her voice low but the damage was done.

"Don't worry about it," he snapped and left her standing next to the truck, trudging back inside.

Sadie stood staring at his back even after he disappeared. Beneath her feet the ground separating them crumbled and gave away just a little more. Her heart leapt into her throat along with the tears that started to sting at her eyes. Sadie combatted the emotions. The last thing she needed was one of the men seeing her this way. Turning away, she grasped the truck and pulled herself inside to retrieve the supply crate. When she came out she set it down and hopped to the ground before grabbing the crate just as Dugan clambered inside.

"Lovely weather for a mission," he groused and then winked at Sadie. "Still, beats the pants off Italy."

She snorted in laughter, glad for her friend. "That's not exactly a high bar to clear."

His grin widened. Sadie left him to carry the supplies inside. She was just inside the doorway when she heard a loud curse, a wet thump, and a distinct crack. Without a second thought she set the supplies in the hall and whirled around to see Dugan splayed on his side in the mud.

"Jesus Christ," she muttered and jogged back into the rain to his side. "Doc!"

Doc Holmes and Steve appeared in the doorway and sprinted out behind her. Sadie crouched at Dugan's side. "Sergeant Dugan?"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," he growled, rolling onto his back.

Sadie could see the source of his ills right away. His elbow joint was popped out of place, at a particularly bad angle. "What happened?"

He grimaced with embarrassment. "I slipped on the goddamn ledge."

"Well, that would do it," muttered Doc Holmes as he crouched next to Sadie. "Your elbow is dislocated."

"Hurts like a son of a bitch."

"Come on, let's get you up and inside," said Steve. The captain got Dugan to his feet and he followed them inside. Dugan was a mud-caked mess though he seemed more embarrassed than he was in any real pain.

The men cleared out space on the sturdy table. "Up you get, Sergeant," ordered Sadie.

"Nurse Reid, help get his jacket off and roll his sleeve as best as you can. I'd like to see the extent of the damage."

Unlike prisoners of war or most GIs, Dugan was a very compliant patient. He moved when Sadie asked him to and together they peeled his jacket off with minimal disruption of his arm. The men milled about in the room, waiting for a diagnosis from the doctor. Sadie carefully rolled his sleeve up to reveal the angle of his forearm jutted out beyond his upper arm and already bad discoloration was beginning to form. Doc Holmes examined his arm and then turned to Sadie.

"What do you think?" He asked, putting her on the spot. Sadie's brow furrowed; lately Doc Holmes had been teaching her more about diagnostics and treatment, continuing on his crusade to convince her to apply to medical school.

"Well it's completely dislocated, you can tell by the angle of the joint there," she gestured to the bag angle. "Discoloration suggests burst vessels in the area. The humerus needs to be put back into the joint before swelling prevents it. Then bandage the arm at a right angle against the chest to keep the joint intact while it heals."

Doc Holmes beamed at her and nodded. "Very good, Nurse Reid," he glanced up at Dugan. "I'm afraid you're going to have to sit this one out, Sergeant Dugan. Any strain on the elbow while it's healing and you could do permanent damage."

"You're kidding," Dugan deadpanned.

Gabe Jones was the first man to crack. He snorted in uncontrollable laughter. "Dum Dum Dugan, tough as a charging bull, brought down by a little rain."

"Can I at least punch Jones in the face?" He whined to Sadie who was now doing her best to cage her smile.

"I wouldn't recommend it. Now lie down, you'll feel better once your elbow is back in place."

Miraculously, Dugan did exactly as asked and within minutes Sadie was carefully wrapping bandages around his arm and over his shoulder to secure his arm in place. While she tended to her patient, the rest of the men prepared for the first phase of the mission. From the briefings, Sadie understood that the unit would split into two teams and flank either side of the factory from the south on a scouting mission to get a better idea of what they were up against and to lay the groundwork for the actual action. Sadie's nerves started to twitch nervously the closer the men got to moving out. She always felt nervous when Bucky left to go on a mission but their precarious situation only made her nerves that much worse. The last time they'd parted on such bad terms Bucky was taken as a prisoner of war and she spent three weeks unsure if he was even alive. What if something awful happened to him again?

She cast a furtive glance through the large open doorway of the sitting room. Without even looking she could tie the knots on Dugan's bandages, her fingers knew the motions from hundreds, if not thousands, of bandage changes. Over his shoulder, she watched as Bucky and Steve stood in the hall in deep conversation. Sadie took a quiet moment to appreciate how Bucky's blue jacket broadened his shoulders. When he spoke he smoothed the sweep of his chestnut hair away from his forehead and his mouth broke into a small grin when Steve said something amusing. A long time ago she privately admitted to herself that her attraction to Bucky began long before she understood what her feelings were. Sadie wondered if she would always feel that way about Bucky, even if he changed his mind about her. Her heart leapt into her throat when his blue eyes caught hers before darting back, his jaw clenching. Sadie's gaze fell in disappointment.

"Nurse Reid?" Dugan's voice shattered her reverie.

"Yes, Sergeant?"

"You gonna stand there all afternoon or can I get up now?"

Sadie could hear the good humor and idiotic grin in Dugan's voice without even seeing his face. Shaking her head clear she nodded. "Of course. Just don't even think about trying to join the others when they move out."

Dugan got to his feet, spun on his heel, and gave her a mock salute. "I wouldn't dream of it."

"I don't believe you!" She called after him, earning his full-bellied laughter while he went to tell off Gabe for his jokes.

Sadie couldn't help but smile a little bit herself, glad to have even a moment's distraction. When she cleaned up it was to realize she had nothing else to do except wait. The farm house was a large enough building that she wandered through the first floor until she discovered a smaller parlor with a tall bay window that overlooked a mostly algae covered pond. The trees growing at the edge of the pond had gone too long without tending and the gnarled branches reached out for one another while weeds sprang up from the ground around the pond. A single stone bench stood off to one side, nearly obscured by the grass and wildflowers.

At some point the grounds might have been beautiful and well-tended, she thought sadly. The house showed signs that someone once loved it but those days ended some time before, possibly even years before the war. Sadie glanced at the parlor and wondered how many wives entertained and how many children played in this house. What memories were held within the walls and where were the owners now? Her thoughts carried her so far away that she had no idea she wasn't alone until a blue coat entered her field of vision and its owner cleared his throat.

"We're about to move out," said Bucky and he leaned against the window sill next to Sadie. She lifted her gaze to see Bucky staring at his boots and not at her. He kept his hands shoved deep in his pockets. Already his rifle was slung over one shoulder. "You'll take good care of Dum Dum?"

The corners of her mouth twitched, threatening a smile. "As much as he'll let me."

A humorless chuckle escaped Bucky's lungs. "Sounds about right. Take care of yourself too, we won't be gone long."

"I will."

Uncomfortable silence settled over them. Sadie wanted to say something to ease the tension but nothing would come out the way she wanted. In the end, Bucky beat her to the punch. "I'm sorry." He scrubbed his face with his hands, emerging more bleary eyed than he had been before. "I shouldn't have said that stuff out at the truck. Being professional on missions is important, I know it is."

"It's okay," she mumbled. Absently, she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I didn't even mean to say it. Every time I try to find the right words I end up getting it all wrong."

Bucky withdrew a hand and took hers, folding her fingers against his. A flicker of warmth sprang to life in Sadie's chest at the simple touch. He rubbed his thumb over her skin, wearing a comforting path back and forth. "We both keep sticking our feet in it a lot lately, don't we?" Sadie had no argument for that because Bucky wasn't entirely wrong. Most of their interaction since Paris boiled down to badly timed words and apologies that followed soon after. "I'm tired of it, Sade. I'm tired of fighting you and of apologizing."

Sadie's heart and stomach dropped out of her body, through the floor, and somewhere in the vicinity of the Earth's core. The flicker in her chest snuffed out in a wisp of feeble smoke. A shiver ripped down her spin in its place that had nothing to do with the chilly rain outside. Sadie stared at their joined hands before she worked up the courage to peer at Bucky.

"I hate it, too." Sadie exhaled and twisted her hand in his to thread their fingers together. "I've missed you the last couple weeks."

Bucky frowned. "I didn't think you wanted me around."

Sadie employed every ounce of her willpower to keep from slipping into sarcasm and rolling her eyes. "Bucky, I always want you around."

When Bucky moved closer to her, she didn't flinch or try to move away while citing their agreement to remain professional. Every single person on the mission knew exactly what was going on and walking in on Bucky brushing his thumb over her cheek would be no less surprising than walking in on them kissing. Plus, Sadie felt determined to banish his earlier words by proving him wrong.

"The same goes for me, Sade. I want to be with you."

She swallowed, taking a moment to gather up her courage. Dragging up their fight in Paris was a calculated risk but it was one Sadie had to take. "So why can't we stop fighting each other and start fighting for us? That sounds like a much better use of our time."

Bucky cupped her cheek. "I'd like that," he said and opened his mouth to say more but was unceremoniously cut off by Morita ducking into the doorway.

"Hey, you ready to go? We're moving out."

"Yeah, just give me a second," said Bucky while he continued to stare down into Sadie's face. "We'll talk about all of this when I get back?"

Sadie heard the promise embedded in his words along with the hope that everything was going to turn out all right in the end. For now, it was enough that he wasn't ready to give up on their relationship. She rose up to the tips of her toes and kissed him once, pulling away slowly from his mouth so he felt her kiss linger in each nerve. "It's a date, buck sergeant."

Morita appeared in the doorway again. "Seriously, sickeningly cute as you two are, we're moving out now!"

"Yeah!" Bucky snapped. "Heard you the first time. I'm coming."

Sadie unwillingly relinquished his hands and watched him retreat for the door. He paused in the doorway and smiled at her, before he disappeared through the doorway. Moments later she heard the sound of an engine rumble to life. The Commandos were headed for their next objective before splitting off to begin the real work for the mission. When she ambled out into the main room of the house, Doc Holmes was shuffling a deck of cards.

"Pull up a seat and play a few hands with us, Nurse Reid," said Corporal Gutierrez.

"Don't think we're going to go easy on you just 'cause you're the prettiest face in the room," added Dugan with a wink.

Sadie rolled her eyes. "Instead you're just going to act like a caveman?"

Dugan rewarded her cheek with a wicked grin. "Look, if you're suggesting I'm prettier than you are I'm certainly not going to argue with your authority. I've been told my eyes shine like sapphires."

Doc Holmes coughed hard over his laugh.

"I think I have a compact mirror in my musette if you'd like to drown in your own reflection," said Sadie in a deadpan voice, feeling more upbeat and happier than she had in days. "In the meantime how about you take the deck and deal instead?"

X X X

Sadie checked her watch. "When did Captain Rogers say they'd be back from recon?"

Doc Holmes glanced up from his cards and looked at his own watch, raising his eyebrows in surprise. "Good lord, has it been three hours already? I think he said setting up their position and scouting out the factory could take all night."

The rain let up at some point during their game but the clouds remained, hanging low over the horizon and throwing off Sadie's sense of time. Already it was almost six o'clock and soon darkness would force its way between the clouds and blanket the farmhouse. There was plenty to do before then. Using the coming night as an excuse to weasel her way out of dealing with her wretched hand, Sadie laid her cards face down on the table and stood.

"We should block the windows. Doc Holmes, you're on KP this time?"

"Yes, I believe it's my turn. Though why any of you eat anything I cook is beyond me," Doc Holmes added under his breath. He left his cards behind and Dum Dum started to rise from his chair to help Sadie and Gutierrez unpack the tarps the would use to block the windows so they could light a couple of lanterns in the main room. As Sadie passed behind him, she put her hands on his good shoulder and forced him back down.

"Rest," she ordered. "The more you exert yourself the longer your recovery will be."

Dum Dum started to protest and in the midst of his grumbling, Gutierrez slung a rifle over his shoulder. "I'll be back, gotta take a leak."

Doc Holmes and Sadie shared a disparaging look at Gutierrez's coarse phrasing. The radioman trudged out into the rain, shoving his helmet on his head. While Dum Dum supervised Doc Holmes' KP skills, Sadie started hanging one of the tarps up, securing it with a few nails hammered into the wood with the butt of her flashlight. Just as she stepped off the rickety chair she used for support she heard a familiar rumble.

As one, Doc Holmes and Dum Dum straightened, Dum Dum upending his chair in his haste to get to his feet. Sadie slowly stepped down. The floor creaked beneath her boots. Nobody dared moved a muscle. Sadie felt her heart begin to beat harder while she waited, statue still, for the next round. More explosions cut through the stifling quiet. Sadie blinked and nearly stumbled backwards when she saw a flash of fire and remembered the world splitting in two right before her. Images of dying soldiers and Betty accompanied the next explosions along with the memory of the smoke that flooded her lungs burned her eyes and nose.

"Sadie?" Doc Holmes touched her elbow.

She jerked back violently, wheeling around to catch his wide-eyed expression. Two words forced up from her lungs and leapt off the tip of her tongue. "Not again."

The front door flew open with a shuddering bang. Gutierrez clutched the frame, panting and struggling to string a sentence together. "Ran to the ridge," he gulped in another breath of air, "village under attack."

Dum Dum cursed under his breath. "Cap got a report that the Germans were launching counter attacks from Brussels."

Sadie's mouth rounded in surprise and mild horror. "V2's?"

"Must be."

Doc Holmes released Sadie's elbow and strode out of the front room, turning right down the main hallway. Between the shell bursts she heard him yanking doors open before he called out. "There's a cellar!"

"That's where we need to be," agreed Dum Dum. "You got everything you need?"

"Lanterns and rations," muttered Sadie. "We keep extras in the lockboxes on the trucks."

Another shell burst went off, rattling the rafters just enough to shake some of the dust free. Sadie and Dum Dum stared up at the ceiling and then shared a concerned glance. "I've got them."

Gutierrez disappeared, headed for the truck Steve and the others left behind. Sadie reached for any available pack to haul downstairs. Dum Dum remained hot on her heels with the gear he could gather with one hand. Doc Holmes intercepted her in the hall.

"Here, I'll take those."

Sadie couldn't keep track of the rush of activity that unfolded in the course of mere minutes. Every passing second brought the danger closer and closer. The floor began to tremble beneath her feet, rising through the soles of her boots and into her body. Every nerve ending in her body twitched uncomfortably. Bitter adrenaline filled her mouth and spurred her to move faster than she ever had before. Her recurring nightmares about that long night in Italy were bad enough, Sadie wanted to go the rest of life without a repeat experience.

Gutierrez shoved a pack in Sadie's arms. "The hand radio and extra batteries. I'm going to fire up the truck and see if I can get a distress call out to Gabe's handset."

Sadie argued vehemently with him while she slung the bag over her shoulder. She followed him to the front door and watched him lope across the muddy stretch of ground to the troop carrier.

Another boom shook the house. Sadie's stomach dropped out. Her mind bypassed Italy and reached for the storms from her childhood and the twisters that ripped through Arkansas every spring. More than once she'd clutched her father's hand while her family took shelter in the cellar just a few yards away from the family house. The darkening sky reminded her of the imposing storm clouds but Sadie was certain she'd take a twister over the fate awaiting her and the others if they didn't take shelter. Gutierrez continued to fiddle in the truck when a bomb went off that blew the trees apart down the lane. Sadie's stomach rolled.

Every childhood and army memory screamed at Sadie to turn on heel and flee. But her feet remained rooted to the floor while she screamed for Gutierrez to abandon the truck. Whether he heard her or not, he appeared within seconds. She gripped either side of the doorway yelling for Gutierrez to cross the open space. One second he was midstride, sprinting towards the front door and the relative safety of the cellar. The next three explosions went off in rapid-fire succession and the troop carrier next to Gutierrez blew sideways right into his body. Sadie covered her mouth to muffle her shriek. He flew across the drive like a child's ragdoll and landed in the mud, stone still and missing most of his left leg. Even from the house, Sadie could see the bone in his arm protruding through his skin and his back cracked at an unnatural angle.

Panic and reflex overrode logic. One foot was barely over the threshold as Sadie prepared to drag his body to safety when a strong arm wrapped around her waist.

"No!" The feral word ripped from her throat and she struggled against the far stronger Dum Dum. He dragged her backwards into the house just as another series of shells rocked the surrounding woods. The impact cause the windows in the front room to shatter. "We can't just leave him!"

"He's dead!" Dum Dum roared. With zero effort, he lifted her feet right off the floor and swung her around. "I'm not gonna let you join him!"

When he released her, Sadie stumbled forward and only just kept herself upright at the top of the stairs leading down to the cellar. Dum Dum remained at the top of the stairs bellowing for Doc Holmes and urging Sadie to get to safety. Inky darkness engulfed her and she cursed under her breath when she ran into the corner of a table, bruising her hip.

"Come on, Doc!" Dum Dum's voice echoed through the cellar but still barely rose above the sound of the shells bursting. The house rocked and Doc Holmes appeared at the top of the stairs, laden with the other two bags and a third at his feet. He shoved the third bag into Dugan's arm.

A shell went off and the wood beams holding up the house gave with an earsplitting crack. Sadie's heart leapt into her throat. Dum Dum reached the bottom of the stairs and she acted on instinct. Reaching out blindly, she grabbed a fistful of his shirt and, ignoring his injured arm, jerked him further into the cellar. The last thing Sadie saw was Doc Holmes trying to get to the bottom of the staircase.

A deafening boom accompanied the creaking and crashing that robbed Sadie of her senses. Above a shell split the house apart and sent it tumbling down overhead, plunging her into total darkness. A powerful cloud of dust and debris forced its way down stairs and blew her clean off her feet just as Dum Dum's hand closed around her arm. Her body slammed into the floor and she struck her forehead on the edge of something hard. A high-pitched ring filled her ears before Dum Dum's body fell on top of hers and she remembered no more.

X X X

Bucky hated scouting maneuvers and he hated them even more in the rain. He hated being wet in general. Even as a child he hadn't been much of a swimmer, preferring baseball to all other activities. But sitting beneath a large tree in the middle of a forest in Belgium under the pouring rain, Bucky's mood wasn't as dreadful as he thought it would be. In fact, compared to the previous month he was downright cheerful in spite of the rain soaking through his hair and weighing down his jacket.

The improvement of his mood had everything to do with the brief goodbye he shared with Sadie, their first good exchange in he couldn't remember how long. The knowledge that what he and Sadie had was still salvageable made all the difference in his attitude. The weight he'd been carrying around loosened from his shoulders now that losing her didn't feel like a certainty. Relieved of this extra burden he could see the light at the end of the tunnel and the reason in Evelyn's words, unknowingly echoed by Sadie herself. If fighting for the love of his life wasn't worth abandoning a lonely road to nowhere, then what was?

"Hey, you okay?" Steve asked from where he crouched next to him, staring out into the dismal scenery. An ugly fence topped with loops of barbed wire guarded an equally ugly compound. Plumes of smoke and steam issued from the vents low to the ground to disguise the discharge. Two rows of enormous tanks stood in an open hangar that also housed a knot of HYDRA soldiers going about their daily routine. Behind the hangar the factory loomed, not quite as large as some of the structures Bucky saw in Poland but still big enough to be a challenge. Soldiers stood watch in the towers that dotted the fence and several men prowled along the borders on foot, holding menacing-looking rifles. None of this surprised Bucky, with each HYRDA holdout Steve's team destroyed the security at the next increased in response.

"I'm good," he replied and pointed to the fence. "You think that Falsworth and Dernier's diversion is going to work to get all them out of the way?"

"God, I hope so."

At that precise moment, Falsworth, Dernier, and Morita were scouting for the weakest point in the factory's layout to then lay charges on a timer to explode at the right time for an assault. Bucky already had his first position selected to pick off guards from a distance, providing covering fire for the rest of the team while they wrecked the yard. From there he would join the main assault to bring the raze the factory to the ground.

It would all happen in phases, planned and improved over each mission. First was scouting followed by a return to the base camp before returning at nightfall to take the factory. If everything went according to plan they'd be finished by morning and back in Antwerp and then back in London to plan the next.

Somewhere between all of that Bucky had to find the time to get Sadie alone long enough to make up or, at least, to get back on the right footing to eventually make everything right. Bucky suspected the conversation wouldn't go as smoothly as he wanted it to but anything had to be better than where they were now. His mother taught him that good marriages were built on compromises. Surely there was a compromise buried in the mess that would work for both of them, allowing for a future. The thought of losing Sadie in any regard was simply unacceptable. Knowing she still felt the same way gave him hope that they could find a light at the end of the long tunnel.

After all, she still kissed him with meaning and still left him burning for more. When he left her back at the base camp he knew she stood in the back room for some time, desperate to compose herself before she joined the others. The corners of his mouth pulled just thinking about the way she probably pressed the back of her hands over her cheeks in a fruitless attempt to chase the blush away. Bucky loved making her blush. He loved the way she couldn't meet his eye or how she would slap his shoulder in retaliation when he truly embarrassed her. There was something so wonderfully innocent in how her hollowed cheeks flushed, giving her back the color and fullness the war had callously taken from her.

Bucky wondered what Sadie would look like in the years after the war ended. His hands imagined petal smooth skin and softer curves that would pillow his head whenever he laid across her lap. A book perched in her hands while the small, stark white scars diminished with time. Would she let her hair grow out so it spilled down to her mid-back whenever they were alone and she let him pull out her hairpins? Bucky hoped so. He hoped that her cheeks would fill out again and that her smile would be the rule and not the exception. A small smile of his own came to his mouth as he thought about waking up next to her every morning without fear of intrusions or raised eyebrows or bombs and bullets threatening to rend their world apart. Bucky wanted to be there for all of it, more than he wanted anything else, a bullet between Zola's eyes included.

A metallic click caught Bucky's attention. Steve continued to open and shut the cover of his compass out of nervous habit. The tic wasn't anything new, Bucky remembered Steve drumming pencils on the back of his chair during class or spinning bottle caps on counter tops whenever he got anxious. Every time Bucky caught a glance of the picture adorning in the interior of the cover he wanted to tease Steve mercilessly. The picture of Agent Carter was a nice one, capturing both her beauty and no-nonsense nature at once. Bucky only teased Steve about the picture once before Steve pointed out that Bucky was guilty of the exact same crime. Even now a photograph of Sadie resided in the inside pocket of his jacket.

Bucky kept his eyes on the perimeter, listening and waiting for any sign of their returning comrades. Still, he couldn't quite stop himself from butting into Steve's business. "You know if you asked she'd probably say yes to a date."

Steve snorted. "Since when are you interested in my love life?"

"Payback for all your nosing around in mine." Bucky shrugged and tried not to let his smug grin show. After all, he wasn't exactly winning any awards for boyfriend of the year at the moment. "In all seriousness, she's not gonna wait around for you forever."

"I don't know. Sometimes I still feel like that skinny kid from Brooklyn."

Bucky did smirk this time. "You are still that skinny dumbass, even if you don't look like it anymore."

Rustling in the trees caught Bucky's attention. Gabe appeared, emerging from the thick bushes that surrounded their position. His raincoat looked a size too big for him and water ran down the sleeves in rivulets before dripping onto the leaves scattered across the ground. "Perimeter is clear, no sign of Falsworth and the others. Any major movement down below?"

"Not yet," said Steve, glancing back at the fence.

Bucky started to relax when the distant sound of explosions interrupted his thoughts. He and Steve sat up at the same time and Gabe frowned. "The village?"

"Must be," muttered Steve. "Looks like the intel reports were right."

Bucky's stomach twisted. The town was less than two miles from the farmhouse where Sadie and the others resided. In the grand scheme of things, two miles was a stone's throw for V weapons and if the Germans were really using them in retaliation for losing Brussels then Sadie was in the line of fire.

He never got a chance to think about it. A burst of blue light shot past his head, blowing a semi-circular hole in the tree next to him. Steve and Gabe followed his example and threw themselves onto the ground.

"The fuck was that?" Gabe cried, echoing Bucky's thoughts perfectly.

More shots fired through their clearing. Bucky dared to lift his head just enough to try and locate his attackers. He couldn't see anything through the rain and the bushes. The next shot hit the ground in front of Gabe, kicking up wet leaves in his face.

"We've gotta get out of here!" Steve exclaimed, leading the crawl away from their position and down the opposite side of the hill. Bucky followed with trepidation and no other choice. Downhill the trees thinned and would open them to attack on the other side if any guard at the tower saw them, a likelihood considering all the noise they made.

One thing was unfortunately certain. HYDRA had known the Howling Commandos were coming and it was ready.

X X X

Awareness came to Sadie slowly, starting the with high-pitched ringing in her ears and the nauseating sensation that the room was spinning in circles. Though she'd yet to open her eyes Sadie knew it was pitch black in the room, further distorting her perception. She lay on a hard floor that dug into her hip and shoulder where she'd landed. Something sticky pulled at her eyebrow and although she couldn't quite place it, Sadie figured the substance was related to the almighty pounding in her head. Every part of her hurt, as though she'd been hit head on by a speeding train.

Part of the weight on her body shifted, rolling off with a decidedly male grunt. "Jesus fucking Christ. Am I dead? This isn't how I figured it'd be."

The male voice barely wormed past the ringing and Sadie couldn't place the voice's owner at first. Her sluggish brain struggled to piece together the span of empty time that led to her waking up in total darkness halfway beneath a rather large man. Images bloomed out of the inkiness along with sounds that she'd rather forget. Bombs dropping and glass shattering. A body sent flying and a roof collapsing. Dum Dum falling on top of her.

"Sadie? Doc?" She now recognized Dum Dum's gravelly voice. "Sade, are you alive?"

A pained moan wormed itself free of Sadie's raw throat. She rolled over onto her back, feeling every inch of her body protest. "I'm okay, I think."

"Oh thank God."

Sadie threw out a hand to feel around for any part a bag she could reach. "Flashlight," she mumbled. Sitting up took a near Herculean effort. She bumped into someone solid. Dum Dum groped for her shoulder, squeezing it once. Sadie blinked away the liquid that fell into her eye. She scrambled for an explanation as to why Dum Dum Dugan was in the cellar with her until the memory resurfaced. "How's your elbow?"

"Hurts like a son of a bitch but I'll survive. Where's the doc?"

Her fingers came into contact with the rough canvas of a musette. Blindly she patted the cover to feel the large circle to indicate it was her musette which contained a flashlight. Peeling back the flap she plunged her hand into the depths.

"Doc!" Dum Dum shouted, his voice now clearer to Sadie as the ringing subsided.

"Doctor Holmes? Doc, can you hear me? Are you okay?" No answer.

The longer Sadie sat and focused on the simple task of finding a flashlight the sharper her mind became. Her hand sifted between tins containing suture kits, morphine, bandages, and rations until at last she closed her hand over the angled-head flashlight she always carried.

"Come on, Doc, answer us!" A rare note of panic laced Dum Dum's voice.

"Ian? Ian!"

Sadie felt the same panic now, burgeoning as she started to come to grips with their situations. Fear put her heart in an icy vice grip. Her eyes refused to adjust to the total darkness while she fumbled for the switch on the flashlight. When she finally found it the narrow beam of light fell across Dum Dum's booted feet and knees as he struggled up to his feet.

"Here." Dum Dum held his hand out to her and she gripped it tightly, letting him pull her up to her feet. Without bothering to ask permission, he took the light from her hand and held it up to her face. Sadie recoiled and moved a hand to shield her eyes. "Shit, you're bleeding pretty bad."

Sadie withdrew her hand to find it coated with fresh blood. The source of her headache now became all-too clear as the pain moved to a central location just above her right eyebrow. A deep cut stung when she went to wipe the blood from the wound. But that would have to wait.

"Doctor Holmes!"

When Sadie turned around and followed the light as Dum Dum cast it across the far end of the cellar near the stairs, she couldn't find them. She covered her mouth to shield her surprise. A wave of rubble and debris sloped downward from the intact portion of the ceiling above them. Chunks of plaster and splintered wood support beams protruded from the dust and crumbled brick that was once a quaint, rundown farm house. The pile created a thick, unstable barrier between them and the outside world.

True panic took root in Sadie's stomach now. She swept her eyes across the pile. Doc Holmes was nowhere to be seen. "No," she whispered, horrorstruck. "No, no, no."

"Doc!" Dum Dum started to go forward to the pile, holding the flashlight higher.

Sadie lurched forward, ignoring her screaming hip and stiff body. Dust loosened from her clothes as she walked and her boots echoed through the mostly empty room. Blood started to trickle back down into her eye and she wiped it away impatiently. With Dugan holding the light higher, he was able to cast a wider beam.

"I don't see him." He sounded as grim and worried as Sadie felt.

And then she saw it, a set of fingertips poking through the rubble.

"There!" She pointed and moved to begin shifting the debris away. Sadie cleared enough away to free his wrist and she pressed two fingers over his pulse only to pull away in horror.

"What's wrong?"

"His pulse," her voice cracked over the words, "I can't feel it."

A/N: If you can imagine it, the original cliffhanger for this chapter was worse than that. Next chapter literally picks up where we leave off. Feel free to throw all the things at me, I probably deserve it for this one.

Throwing things aside, I live for your feedback – so let me know what you think! Much love – Kappa.