A/N: Last update for today. Long chapter is long. And speshul. ;D

Evan woke up with the memories from the previous night haunting her. The only reason she didn't panic as her eyes fluttered open was because she was still lying in Rick's embrace. And it made her feel safe. She shifted and glanced up, seeing that he was already awake. When her eyes met his he flashed her a smile.

"How long have you been staring at me sleeping?" she asked, grinning.

"I didn't want to wake you up. You looked like you really needed some rest." He adjusted his position slightly.

She sat up then, causing a confused expression to appear on his features. She flushed. "Bathroom," she confessed and climbed over him. "I'll be right back. Stay here."

Rick had a smile on his face when she opened the door and stepped out into the kitchen, ignoring the missing chair and heading straight through it, then through the living room, and finally she dashed into the small toilet and locked the door behind her. Their conversation the night before replayed in her head, over and over, and she tried to decipher what he had meant by what he said. To Evan it genuinely seemed ridiculous to focus on anything but what they had to in order to stay alive, but according to Rick's words it seemed he disagreed. Was he right? Evan couldn't make any sense of it, and she didn't really look forward to returning to her room. She didn't want to open that can of worms, but she realized it was probably necessary. For his sake and for hers.

She washed her hand, carefully, allowing the bandaged one to stay dry. She inspected her injuries and happily noted that the painkillers from the night before had done a good job, and that they were only minor. The burn on her hand wasn't going to kill her. She tugged the hem of her sweatpants down a little again, and lifted her shirt up too, turning and leaning, trying to see. And there it was, a massive purple bruise stretching from her hip bone and all the way to her back. She groaned but thanked her lucky star that it wasn't worse. A bruise was nothing in comparison to being eaten alive. Or dying and then coming back. When she unlocked the door and stepped out she bumped straight into Lori. Shame washed over Evan, knowing who had slept in her bed the night before.

"Are you alright?" Lori asked, anything but anger or hatred painted on her features. "I've been worried, and Carl's been asking for you."

"I'm okay." Evan held her hands up. "I'm just tired. I don't know what time it is, but I think I'll spend the rest of the day in my room. Tell Carl I'll see him tonight or tomorrow. I promise."

"It's past lunch," Lori informed her and Evan nodded gratefully. "I'll tell Carl."

Evan took a few steps past her but was stopped by the sound of her voice.

"It's okay, you know," she said. When Evan looked confused Lori continued. "Rick is a really good man. Really."

Without another word Lori walked away, and Evan remained. She knew what Lori meant. She knew what she had said. And she knew how much it must have taken for her to utter those words. Now feeling like she and Rick really needed to talk Evan headed back towards her bedroom, only momentarily wondering where everyone was. But she decided that wasn't important. They were all alive or Lori would have said something, so she could easily push that to the back of her mind. When she started towards her room she was walking fast, with a determined bounce in her step, but the closer she got the more unsure she felt. She knew what she felt. Or at least she thought she did. Yet she didn't know if he felt the same way or if there was even a point in trying to pursue anything. It was too much, every thought and possibility tugging at her insides, creating a war. Should they even talk about it, did it matter if they felt something, could it ever turn into anything? Evan didn't know, and didn't know if she wanted to either.

"Welcome back." Rick was leaning up against the wooden headboard when Evan returned. His hands were folded in his lap and it looked like he too had a lot to say.

"It's already afternoon," Evan informed him, taking a seat at the foot of the bed. "I said I was going to stay in here for the rest of the day, but if you have things to do I'm okay on my own."

"Don't be stupid, I'm staying here. We should talk." He leaned away from the headboard and crossed his legs after scooting closer to her. Now he was sitting so close to her that their knees were touching.

"I'm not sure I want to. I'm not sure I can." Evan was treading unknown waters and she thought she might drown if she took a wrong step. She didn't know how to handle her emotions; even less did she know how to tell someone about them. She couldn't understand or make sense of them; it wasn't fair to expect anyone else to be able to.

He reached for her hand. Held it in his. "I'm not sure either," he admitted. "It's okay not to be sure."

She linked their fingers together and moved until she was sitting next to him instead. "I want to know that you feel what I feel."

Evan bit her lower lip, suddenly terrified. She was 26 years old, and yet she suddenly felt like a 15 year old, having told a boy she had a crush on him. Except Rick wasn't a boy and this wasn't a crush.

"I do," he promised.

"How do you know? You don't know what I feel." Stubbornly she looked away, her eye stuck on the dull wallpaper.

His hand found her cheek and turned her head until her gaze met his. "I know."

And then he kissed her. Evan couldn't say that she heard a choir of angels sing as his lips gently pushed against hers, but she could say that he fit. With her. In that moment. In that room. In that embrace. His lips fit against hers perfectly. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she hoisted herself closer, until she was sitting in his lap and there was nothing except for fabric keeping them apart. His hands had long ago found their way to the small of her back. At first the kiss had been trying, careful, but it wasn't anymore. It had turned feverish. Eager. Needful. Before it could escalate further Evan broke away, breathing heavily, her eyes opening to meet his. The expression on his face mirrored exactly what Evan felt.

"I guess things are complicated now," he said, grinning.

She said nothing, instead she kissed him again.

"Stop staring," she mumbled and opened her eyes. He was peering down at her from where he was sitting, her head in his lap and his back pressed against the headboard. After a long moment of lips against lips and hands clinging tightly to each other she'd realized how tired she still was, and crawled back into a lying position, but he didn't join her. Instead he'd placed her head in his lap and tangled his fingers in her hair, content on being near her as she slept.

"How did you know?" His lips formed a smile, but his eyes were curious.

"I have my ways," she said. A yawn followed and she moved up into a sitting position. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"Not sure, but it's dark out. If that helps." They both let out content sighs when she found her spot pressed next to his side, her head resting on his shoulder and his arm slumped over hers.

"We have to emerge at some point." She yawned again and he grinned. "I don't want to, because in here, it feels like we can pretend we're not in grave danger. As if we can for just a moment pretend that the world isn't what it is and people aren't dying. But we have to emerge, and face it all. And figure out what to do next."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Are we going to stay here indefinitely?" She moved a little, shifting her weight, so she could press her face into the side of his neck, breathing in his scent.

"I thought that was what we all wanted to do?" The hand that wasn't wrapped around her body found one of her hands and seized it gently.

"It's not a bad plan," she explained, "it's just that sometimes I wonder if this is all there is to it. Are we going to live like this for the rest of our lives, how long or short that may be, or are we going to see if there's a reason behind it all and something we can do to… I don't know, stop it?"

Her words struck a chord not just in his heart, but in her own as well. Those words had been whirling through everyone's minds since day one, but no one had wanted to utter them. Could anyone even dare to hope for a day when they didn't have to live in constant fear or see their friends die? Probably not, because it seemed so very unlikely. And yet there the words were, spilled from Evan's lips. Maybe there was logic in her words or maybe it was all just insanity. For a long moment neither of them spoke and Evan was afraid that she'd opened a discussion that she wasn't ready to handle. Apologetically she pressed her lips to his soft skin.

"I guess we should definitely stay here over the winter though, and if there's something else we want to do once spring comes, we can deal with it then." She leaned back so she could see his face, and his expression softened slightly at her new words. At their compromise.

"Deal," he agreed.

Evan tried to wrap her head around the new situation she'd ended up in as silence once more settled in between them. Since this all happened she had accepted that romance and everything that came with it was useless. Being in love, having someone to hold at night, it didn't keep you alive. When the walkers came it didn't matter if you had a ring on your finger or hadn't shared a kiss with someone in years. And if she was being honest with herself it had also scared her, the thought of falling in love again. Out there. With what the world had become. In her previous life with Tom things had been so linear. Good people did good things and bad people did bad things. People found a partner and they got married. They had good jobs and after a few years they had children. Now everything had been altered completely. Good people did terrible things, because their hands were forced and bad people did good things for the same reasons. To survive. Here marriage was useless, because what did it matter? No one had any assets to protect and it didn't give any legal benefits because there was no law anymore. The thought of children scared Evan even more. It was true that even before modern medicine women had been having children successfully, but at least they hadn't had dead people coming after them and doing their best to tear their skin off with their teeth. And what kind of world was it to grow up in? To always know fear, distress and mistrust?

And yet there Evan was, wrapped tightly in Rick's embrace and feeling as if she'd always been meant to find her way there. Evan didn't really believe in "meant to be", but in that moment she chose to forget that and focused on the man's breathing next to her, which soothed her heart as easily as anything. Besides, Rick had said that there was no point in even fighting to live if there was nothing that made it worth it. Evan guessed he was right, in a way. Now that her heart seemed to beat for him as much as it did for her, she could feel herself getting more determined to make sure they made it. She had no idea what the future was, or what it would become, but she wanted to be there to find out. Even if this had to be their life, hiding and always being on guard, she wanted to be there if Rick was too. The overpowering surge of her feelings scared and overjoyed her at the same time. Even with Tom it hadn't been like it was now, but Evan suspected that didn't have anything to do with Tom having been a lesser man, but just because it meant more now. Before love and marriage had been taken granted but now it was a privilege and not a right.

Finally Evan pushed all thoughts away, no longer wanting to try and pick apart her feelings and the new formed relationship – if that's what it was – she found herself in. Voices crept in through the door from the kitchen and knowing that it was unavoidable for them to leave the room at some point she shifted until she could reach to kiss him. Sparks made themselves reminded, however briefly.

"Let's go," she said when they broke apart. He didn't argue.

Before stepping out Evan pulled on a sweater over her tank. Evan stopped with one hand on the knob and looked over at Rick, raising her eyebrows to silently ask if he was ready. When he nodded she pulled the door open and stepped out. Carol and Carl sat in the kitchen, placing food up on plates for dinner. When they saw Evan they both lit up, although Carl more noticeably so.

"I've been so worried," he exclaimed and left the chair behind, throwing himself towards her. "Are you alright?"

His arms wrapped tightly around her waist and she returned the hug without hesitation. "I'm okay. Sore and tired, but okay. Scared," she admitted.

"How's your hand?" Carol asked, remaining at the table but clearly relieved that Evan was up and walking around again. Evan could understand, the last time they'd seen her she'd been a train wreck.

"It throbs, but it's manageable." Evan held her hand up as Carl left her side to return to his task. "How is everyone else?"

Rick was hovering behind her and Evan was painfully aware of the way his entire being radiated towards her, and she could still feel his skin on hers. His lips on hers. She had to focus on Carol to hear the reply.

"Scared. But okay. They've burned the bodies." Her glance shifted towards the boy, but he didn't even seem to have heard her. "Now Lori's resting and Daryl too and I think Dale and Glenn are keeping watch."

"I'm going to check on Dale and Glenn," Rick said suddenly, stepping forward. "Make sure everything's in order. And have them fill me in about all the details."

"Can I come?" Carl asked eagerly. Evan could see the 'no' forming on Rick's lips but she stopped it.

"Yeah, you go, and I'll help Carol with dinner." She smiled at him and he looked expectantly at his dad, who nodded, but threw a short glance towards Evan that definitely didn't thank her for those words.

He did smile though when he placed a hand on Carl's shoulder and led him out, leaving the two women alone. Evan sighed and sat down where Carl had previously been sitting. She rolled up the sleeves of the white sweater and cleared her throat.

"Okay, what am I doing?" she asked.

"You can help me sort through which of these cans are still edible and not," Carol instructed. "Daryl went for a quick run earlier, to find more food, and found these in a basement. But some of them have definitely expired. You do that and I'll continue sorting out our dinner."

Evan nodded. "Sounds easy enough."

She got to work and they both focused on their tasks in silence for a while, with Evan looking at the dates on the cans when possible and opening them slightly when the numbers were unreadable. More than once her face scrunched up when a rotting stench slapped against her and Carol couldn't help but chuckle every time. Evan discarded the unusable cans and threw them in a large garbage bad she'd been given and the edible cans she put in a box that rested on the empty chair next to her. It was Carol who finally broke the peace.

"So what's going on with the two of you?"

The question took Evan so off guard she cut her finger on the can she'd just opened.

"Ah, fuck," she moaned, grabbing a piece of stray paper and pushing it against the finger. It wasn't serious, but it did sting regardless. "I'm sorry, what did you just ask?"

"You and Rick. Yesterday, the way he was looking at you… and then he helped you clean up and spent the entire night and day with you in that bedroom." Her eyes were studying Evan closely, but there wasn't any animosity in them, only inquisitiveness. While trying to figure out what to reply, Evan used her good hand to continue her task.

"It's complicated," Evan admitted, and smiled at the memories the word brought back. "I guess I'm totally head over heels for him, as high school as that sounds."

Carol smiled. "Is he totally head over heels for you?" she asked, using Evan's own words.

"God, I hope so." Evan stopped what she was doing and looked at the older woman. "Is this crazy? I mean, in this world we're in, shouldn't this be the last thing on our minds?"

"I don't think so," Carol mused slowly. "It creates hope. That in spite of all the horrors there's still something good to hold on to. I think that makes things like this," – she waved her hand towards Evan for emphasis – "all the more important. At least it gives me hope, and God knows I could use some more of that."

Evan reached for her friend's hand and wrapped her hands around the fragile fingers. When Carol smiled it reached her eyes, in spite of the tears glittering in them. The conversation stopped then, because there wasn't much more to say. But Carol's words had burned into Evan's mind and she dared to think that maybe they were true, and that it was okay to hope for something more. Something bigger. Someday.