Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

Warning: No lemon ahead.

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For want of a horse

Chapter 26 – When everything turns black

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It was on a sunny and warm day when chaos descended upon his world. The first day of may, the lovely spring month. But then, for Haru this month started nothing like lovely.

Haru sighed and blinked up into the clear blue sky into the sun that shone through the leaves of the tree he was sitting under. Despite the warm weather the ground was still cold and he could feel it seeping into his legs and arse. For a moment he threw a glance at his jacket that laid crumbled beside him and cursed himself for not thinking about sitting on it earlier. But then, if he would catch a cold his life wouldn't be any worse, so he didn't bother to put the jacket to use now.

Tomorrow was Rin's birthday. Haru sighed deeply and pulled his gaze away from the sky, instead he picked up a fallen leave from the ground and tore it apart angrily.

Beside him, Momiji watched him in confusion, but he didn't say a word to avoid Haru directing his anger at him. Haru sighed again and let his head fall back against the bark, closing his eyes.

"It's okay. I'm fine", he said and Momiji had to suppress the urge to laugh or snort out aloud.

"You don't look fine." For a moment the ox didn't answer and Momiji didn't pressure him.

"I'm as fine as I can be", he finally answered vaguely.

"You mean under the circumstances?" Momiji smiled softly when he got a surprised look from Haru at his words. "You think I don't know? About you and Rin?"

"I suppose it's not too much of a secret anymore", the ox answered.

"No, not too much. Although you both did one hell of a good job at hiding it. And to tell the truth, I didn't know for sure until Tohru told me a few month ago." Haru snorted.

"Honda-san told you? How did she know?"

"I don't know. Maybe Yuki told her… Or Rin?" Momiji looked at Haru questioningly.

"Maybe…", Haru mumbled more to himself than to him. For another long moment neither of them spoke.

"So, will you call her? Tomorrow, I mean. It's her birthday after all." Momiji looked at him expectantly and smiled as Haru nodded.

"Yes, of course I will. There's nothing else I can do after all." Originally he had planned to visit her, had even told her so and he had been happy when she told him that she would be happy to see him again.

After his own birthday last year, he had seen her only two times. Once around Christmas, when he they had put their holidays to good use, he had visited her for five days and god, he had been happy back then. Nothing was as blissful as living with her. And although Rin and him still weren't back together for real, Haru was sure that these five days had made a difference for her as well. Where she had always told him to find his happiness in someone else, she had stopped after their Christmas-days together.

The next time he had seen her two month ago, in mid march, shortly before the start of the new high-school year – his last one. Finally. There had been a party for all the graduating students and somehow Tohru and Yuki had convinced Rin and Kagura to come for a visit. And although it had only been for a single evening, Haru had been able to spent quite some time with her.

She had asked him what he wanted to do after his last year in high-school and he told her truthfully that he didn't know for sure yet, but that he had thought about going to university as well. Rin had studied him for a long time than before she had told him that he should think about studying medicine as well.

It was as good as an invitation, an offer and he had stared at her speechless, before he nodded and told her, he would think about it. In an afterthought he had added that he would never get the grades to get into an elite university like her though – and they both had laughed for the first time in a while. It had felt good.

That had been the last time he had seen her but he had promised to come visit for her birthday and he still remembered her brilliant smile and her words as clearly as if it had been yesterday.

'I'll be happy to see you again, Haru-chan.'

She had called him Haru-chan, just like so many times in the past and although he maybe should be miffed about it he could have hugged the world in happiness then.

And then he had been told that his class planned an excursion to Hokkaido in the first week of may and his happiness had crumbled. He had even asked his mother if she could just write him a letter of apology so he wouldn't have to go, but his mother had smiled sadly and shaken her head, telling him that Akito already had given him permission to go and that she couldn't go against the god's wishes.

And so here he was, sitting under a tree in the generous park behind their hotel and thinking about his bad luck. When he had called Rin and told her about their excursion, she had told him that it was okay, of course school was more important and he could call her and visit later if he wanted to.

He still remembered how he had talked with his mother about this change of plans and she had immediately told him to not go anytime soon.

"Mom, I'll visit Rin after I come back from the excursion, okay?" His mother shook her head.

"It's not a good time, Haru. I'd rather have you stay at home for now."

"What do you mean?", he had asked confused.

"You know that Yuki asked permission to leave for university last week and you know how Akito gets when he has to let go one of the favored juunishi. Don't draw attention to yourself now – or to Rin for that matter. Not now. Akito may have kept quite when you visited her during the Christmas holidays, but he certainly won't be happy when you leave now. Even if it is just for one day." His mother had smiled at him sadly, before she had left his room.

"And she is right about what she said", Haru sighed.

"Who is right? About what?", Momiji asked in confusion and only then did Haru realize that he had said the words out aloud.

"Oh, never mind." Haru stood up and put on his jacket. "Let's get back to the others." Momiji followed him without another word.

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"Welcome home, Haru. How was your trip?" His mother smiled at him and Haru tried to smile back as best as he could. He was glad to be home again, but being home wasn't enough to calm his nerves down.

The last few days had been pure torture. He had been on the edge again ever since he had called Rin for her birthday. He had expected that he would at least calm down a little just by hearing her voice, but when he asked her about the noise in the background she had told him that her friends had organized a small party for her and that of course this damn Ryuu was there as well. Okay, so she had not called him that exactly, but he had. And despite her reassurance that everything was fine and that he really shouldn't worry about him, he did.

And jealousy made his black side surface so much more powerful. He had had to fight it all the time on the last few days in Hokkaido and his class mates hat been scared silly and had kept their distance from him. He didn't mind that. Not too much.

Secretly he had hoped that coming home would calm him down somewhat again but it only increased the tension in him.

"I'm fine, mom, but I'm… tired. Can I go to my room?" His mother studied him carefully and Haru knew that she didn't miss the dangerous glint in his eyes. So she nodded silently and he rushed up the stairs only to let himself fall down onto his bed, breathing heavily from the effort of holding his black side under control. He needed to go to the dojo and work some of his power off – and soon. Tomorrow he would go.

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"Ah, Ha-kun. Welcome back. How was Hokkaido?", Shigure asked and smiled at him. Haru stared at him in surprise. He certainly hadn't expected to see Shigure at Kazuma's dojo, much less in the morning where the dog was normally sleeping.

"It was okay, thank you. What are you doing here?", he asked back.

"I accompanied Yuki, Kyou and Tohru-kun. They wanted to say goodbye to Kazuma. I'm sure you know that Yuki will leave next week for university?" Haru nodded absentmindedly.

"Yes, I've heard about that." He could already feel his black side trying to break lose again at Shigure's words. It was not Yuki's fault, but still his request to leave the Sohma estate had resulted in Haru not being able to visit Rin and in a distant corner of his mind he couldn't stop himself from blaming Yuki for that.

"Yes, well. Kyou decided to live here again, so Tohru came as well as a helping hand. Are you okay, Haru-kun?" The dog hadn't missed the rigidness in Haru's body, but he missed the murderous glint in his eyes, when Yuki and Kyou came out of the house.

"Hey, Haru. How are you?", Yuki greeted smiling. Haru didn't answer and Kyou threw him an angry look.

"Hey, damn ox. Lost your voice?" And then everything happened too fast. Tohru came out of the house and said something to Kyou who turned halfway to her, but was stopped when Haru suddenly lunged forward and knocked him to the ground. Kyou, in his well-trained state, reacted more on instinct than on anything else, rolled away and was on his feet in no time, but he was angry.

"Hey, what's up with you? Looking for another fi…" He couldn't finish his sentence when Haru attacked again, but this time Kyou was prepared and fought back. The cat had to admit that Haru had learnt a lot since their last fight. Last time he had easily defeated the younger boy, but now Haru was not only stronger but faster as well.

In some corner of his mind Kyou could hear Yuki calling to Shigure and Tohru to get into the house out of the danger zone and Kyou was glad about the rat's quick thinking. But it was exactly that thought that kept Kyou from spending full attention to his opponent and only when Haru landed a really bad blow on his jaw did he realize his mistake. He flew back against the wall of the house and felt his head collide against a wooden pillar. It didn't knock him out, but he was in no condition to fight anymore.

The only conscious thought was what had brought this on and when he moved his gaze back to Haru he could see the strange glint in his eyes. Black Haru. And if his last encounters with Haru's dark side was any hint, these fights in the past had been a walk in the park against what they faced now.

"Haru, calm down", Yuki said softly and as such drew the ox' attention to himself. Haru could see his eyes widen when he came face to face with his opponent.

"Haru, please calm down. I'm sure we can talk about…" This only enraged Haru further and with a heavy growl he attacked the rat. Yuki was faster than Kyou and somewhat stronger, but in contrary to Kyou, he didn't want to hurt Haru, so he didn't fight with everything he got.

This was a big mistake, he realized only a moment later, because Haru didn't hold back. Not one bit. Yuki defended himself as good as he could and although he received a few hits here and there, he still managed to hit back as well.

When they sprang apart for a moment, both seizing their opponent, Yuki decided to change tactics. Defending was no good against black Haru. He had to stop him and if it meant to knock Haru out, then so be it. He didn't have time to think about another way, because Haru choose to attack again.

And this time, they fought for real. Neither one of them heard Tohru's and Shigure's cry from the house, both were oblivious to the wound they received as they crashed into the stones of the traditional garden decoration and the wooden pillars of the house. It was all pure fight.

After a long time they finally sprang apart again and only then did Yuki realize the extent of injuries he had both received and given. Haru's lip was split and some heavy bruises on his face where already forming. His shirt and jeans were torn and he had a large gash on his biceps, another angry wound on his torso that ran almost all the way from his collar bone to his belly button. The skin over his knee was split and the wound bled heavily. Yuki was in no better shape and this time he could hear Tohru calling his name and Kyou calling to him to be careful.

Indeed Haru didn't look as if he would stop anytime soon, although he must be in as much pain as Yuki himself. Maybe he didn't feel it as black Haru. And then he attacked again. This time Yuki could feel his power leaving him and he decided that enough was enough. He knew that Haru needed some time to calm down and that fighting helped. But enough was enough.

"Haru, I will stop now, okay? I will step back and then we will stop this", Yuki huffed between punching and blocking. Haru didn't answer and Yuki sighed in relieve as he took a step backwards to bring some distance between Haru and him. They both breathed heavily and Yuki smiled.

"You must have trained a lot. You are much better… Now let's get those wounds wrapped, okay Haru?" When Haru didn't attack him again, he let his arms fall to his side, giving up his defensive stance. There was no way Yuki could have been fast enough to block Haru's attack then. All he could do was close his eyes and wait for the impact. With a heavy thud he fell to the ground.

Haru breathed heavily, his eyes gleaming wildly, like a caged animal and for a moment he stared irresolutely down onto his fallen opponent. Just as he was about to step back and just let it be, Shigure and Tohru came running towards Yuki, knocking Haru half out of the way, ignoring Kyou's cries of "No, don't go there. Stop!".

Shigure didn't even try to stop Haru's kick in his direction. He knew he was no match for the ox, not even in his normal state, much less in his black mode. Haru didn't care, he had shut down long ago and was just fighting. As such he didn't even react when Tohru pleaded with him to stop as she shielded the fallen rat with her body as best as she could.

"Tohru, damn it. Run. Run into the house", Kyou cried and struggled to his feet, but Tohru didn't move away but choose to take a step towards the ox. A mistake. Then she reached for him, her hand touching his cheek. Another mistake. She smiled softly. Maybe not a mistake, but it didn't matter anymore.

All Haru could feel was a warm touch on his cheek, but the fingers touching him were not Rin's. Only Rin could touch him. Only Rin was allowed to touch him. In some corner of his mind he could feel himself protesting, could hear himself arguing that he didn't want to hurt either one of them, but this voice was so distant, so far away.

And with that he moved, attacked, punched whoever had dared to touch him right in the face. He could feel his fist connecting, could feel the person flying backwards and he wanted more, so he went after the person for the final blow.

Only it never came to this. Alarmed from the noise in the garden, Kazuma had stepped out of the house, had immediately understood the seriousness of the situation and before either one could move again, he had knocked the black sided Haru to the ground, so that he lost consciousness for a moment.

"Are you okay? Yuki, Honda-san? Shigure? Kyou?" Shigure and Yuki immediately went to Tohru's side.

"Honda-san, are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Tohru looked up, a heavy bruise already forming on her jaw and tears in her eyes.

"I… I'm fine. It hurts… Is he okay now?" She looked at Haru who was still pinned to the ground by Kazuma, although he already regained consciousness.

"Don't worry about that idiot", Yuki growled.

"Don't be angry with him, Yuki-kun. You know how he is without her… He was hurt by all this, more than anyone of us can imagine." Kazuma nodded in answer.

"Yes, indeed. But he really has to learn to control this black side of him."

"But he can't. It's her who has the control about it. He can't help it." Yuki looked at the ground and sighed at Tohru's pleading words. "Don't be angry with him, Yuki-kun. Please. He just misses Isuzu-san". At her words, they heard Haru groan.

"Rin…", he whispered softly, but the longing and despair in his voice proved Tohru's words to be true. They all stared at him in silence as he finally opened his eyes and all of them breathed a sigh of relieve when they saw only soft brown without a hint of a glint in his eyes.

"Ouch", groaned Haru and tried to look what was holding him to the ground and Kazuma nodded and let him go, before helping him into a sitting position. His eyes widened when he saw the extent of Haru's injuries. Meanwhile Haru had looked around in confusion before he had obviously put two and two together and stared in horror first at Kyou, then Shigure, Tohru and Yuki. The look Yuki gave him made him flinch.

"I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I lost control and…"

"That much is obvious", Yuki interrupted and struggled to get to his feet. Shigure and Tohru helped him up. Haru stared at the wounds and bruises on Yuki.

"God, I'm so sorry, Yuki. And Honda-san. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay, Hatsuharu-san. I understand." She gave him a reassuring smile as best as she cold with her jaw bruised and hurting like hell. "I'm not angry at you. It was my fault too for getting in the way and not listening to Kyou-kun." She looked at Kyou with a smile in her eyes and Kyou blushed at her words, remembering only now how desperate his voice had sounded.

"Well, now that everything is fine again, let's go inside and do something about those wounds. You both look dreadful", Shigure said and guided Tohru and the blushing Kyou towards the house entrance. Kazuma followed them to get the first-aid kit.

Haru and Yuki remained outside in silence. Haru was still sitting on the ground, holding a dirty hand to his bleeding wounds and Yuki stared at the ground.

"I'm sorry, Yuki", Haru whispered again. He knew that Yuki was angry, not about the wounds he had received, but about not stopping, about attacking Shigure and especially Tohru, who, although she was not his love interest, was really special to him. "I'm sorry."

"I… I know", Yuki finally pressed out. "I know you are, but…" Haru struggled to stand on his feet and he winced in pain when he finally stood. "But… I can't forgive you so easily this time." He ignored the pained look in Haru's eyes and limped to the house. Haru didn't look after him.

After a long moment he decided to leave Kazuma's home for now. Yuki wouldn't want him there now anyway. Grounding his teeth in pain, struggling with his disobeying limbs, he slowly made his way home.

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"Haru-chan? Are you there?" His mother knocked on the door to his room and he sighed.

"I was sleeping", he pressed out through gritted teeth. Speaking hurt, moving hurt. Everything hurt. He hadn't bothered with taking care of the wounds and now he had to deal with the consequences. He heard his mother sigh outside, but she didn't enter his room to give him his privacy.

"I'm… I'm sorry, dear. Akito-sama called for you. You have to visit him tomorrow morning. I'm sorry, Haru. Sleep well." Haru stared unseeingly at the ceiling.

A call from Akito. He hadn't had those in quite some time now. And right now it had to come. It was too much to take. He couldn't bear their god's touch. Not ever, but especially not now. Not when everything was so damn twisted.

With a groan of pain he got out of his bed, pulled his bag down from his wardrobe and pulled out a few clothes that he pushed carelessly into the bag. His money and the stuffed animal horse came next as well as a photo from Rin and him together, smiling. With a grim face he pulled the zip of the bag close and swung it over his shoulder, while wincing in pain as the strap cut into the wound on his collarbone. With uneven steps he reached his door.

"Haru, where are you going?" He didn't look around when he heard his mothers voice.

"I'm sorry, mom. I have to get away for a bit." Only then did he look at her. She stared at him a long time, seeing his wounds for the first time but she bit her lip before she nodded.

"Be careful. And tell Isuzu-san to take care of those wounds, okay?" Haru nodded and limped down the stairs and out of the house. He stopped only when he heard his father's voice calling him.

"Haru, wait." He came running after him and took the bag from his shoulder. "I'll drive you to the train station." And with that he shouldered the bag and walked to the car. Haru followed him slowly. They drove in silence at first. Only when they came to the crossing where you had to turn right to come to Shigure's house, did Haru speak up.

"Dad, can we stop by at Shigure's please? I want to talk to Yuki shortly." His father didn't comment, just nodded and turned right.

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End of Chapter 26

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AN: So here is chapter 26. I don't know how to say this, but I think my writing style is changing somehow and I don't know if it is for the better… I did expect it to happen, but I'm still surprised somewhat that I notice myself.

Anyway, I hope you liked it, although I guess you are wondering where I'm going with this story. But don't worry, there will be a happy end since I love those as well.

Oh, exams are over! Yay, I made it. I don't have all the results yet, but in the three exams I had to take first, I got all As!!! So a big Thank you to all of you who wished me luck!

As well, I want to comment on a few reviews:

MeiLei: Actually I thought about this myself to put some parts of this story to Rin, so you can see how she feels, but somehow I can't find the right start. But the letter she wrote to Haru is everything she feels.

RinHaru4ever: I'm not sure if I want to let this Ryuu make an appearance in this story. Most likely not, since I'm not too good with creating original characters and he -although his name was mentioned in this chapter again- won't play a major role, so I guess he will remain a name without a face, so to speak.

Translations of the Japanese terms:

Errr… I don't think I used any Japanese terms that need explaining, but if I did, just let me know and I'll add a translation.

Anyway, please tell me what you think and leave a review, ne?

Until next time, Joey-chan