"Cat!" Tori yelled, but Cat kept screaming. What the hell? Why was Cat screaming? Was she really afraid of Tori right now? Did she really think Tori would hurt her? Did she really think Tori could? Tori wasn't exactly threatening right now, as bruised and bandaged as she was. Not to mention the fact that the hospital had insisted Tori be put in this stupid wheelchair. Which meant that she needed someone to push her around all the time because of her shoulder. "Cat! It's okay! I'm not going to hurt you, I promise." Tori held up her uninjured hand and Cat cut off her screaming. There were tears in her eyes and her erratic breathing was only just beginning to slow. "Cat I only came to see how you were doing."
"Why?" Cat asked and her brown eyes were colder than Tori had ever seen them. Images of her bubbly red-headed friend burst through Tori's mind and Tori was pummelled with the startling revelation that this was not her. This was not the Cat she had once known, but some strange imposter sitting in her place. Or perhaps the Cat she had known was the imposter, Tori thought suddenly. Maybe that Cat had all been an act and this was the true Cat always lying somewhere out of reach.
"I don't know." Tori replied forcing her voice to work. She was still angry, very angry. Even though what Jade did wasn't Cat's fault, at least not this time, it still didn't help Tori. It didn't change anything and Tori had the sudden urge to yell. She wanted to yell at Cat, to tell Cat what she really thought of her, but she couldn't. Because Andre would never forgive her if she did. "Why did you try to kill yourself?"
"Who told you about that? Was it Andre?" She asked her voice full of outrage.
Since when did Cat have a right to be outraged? Tori thought bitterly and sighed, "Don't blame Andre. I was going to find out eventually. But you should be thankful that he took such an interest in you, by the sounds of it not many people do anymore."
Cat looked away, choosing to ignore Tori. "Okay, I get it now. Andre asked you to come and talk to me so you did. You can leave now Tori, your good samaritan act is done."
"Is that what you think this is?" Tori almost shouted in her anger. "I'm here because I want to help you! Yes I'm still pissed at you, but you helped Jade try to kill me. Okay? That's not something that's easy to forgive, but I'm willing to try."
"Why?" Cat asked again. Tori was really getting sick of that question.
"Because I believe you're worth it." Tori replied truthfully, surprising herself. "I believe you can be saved, that you didn't mean what you did and that you made a mistake." She paused, "I believe that you were broken and damaged and the allure of someone to love you and take care of you was impossible to resist. Yes you made some mistakes, mistakes that we'll both have to live with for the rest of our lives, but I don't believe that means you should die."
Cat looked surprised, she remained quiet this time.
"I believe that you don't deserve to die." Tori continued into the silence. "It wont be easy, but you have to try. You can't give up on yourself okay? You're worth more than that, you always have been."
And it was just like that. Just like that Cat's eyes showed emotion as tears pooled in them and spilled over the sides of her careful façade. For the first time ever Tori was sure she was seeing the real Cat, a scared and broken girl who just needed someone to care for her. Who needed someone to tell her that she was worth it and make her believe in herself, believe that everything was going to be okay.
"It's okay." Tori cooed in silent whispers and let Cat cry. She couldn't comfort the other girl because of her awkward immobile position on her wheelchair, but she wasn't sure she would have anyway. She felt bad for Cat and she wished she could forgive her, she really did. But Tori knew deep down that she was along way from forgiving. So this was all she could give, for now, and it would have to be enough.
Tori was lying back in her bed that afternoon, with Beck beside her, when the doctor came into talk to them. He was taking them down for an ultrasound and the look on his face made Tori worry even more. He was carrying a clipboard in his hand and Tori gripped Beck's hand tighter to stop herself from leaping up and snatching it from his hands. She was placed carefully into her wheelchair and wheeled down to the room she was in last time. It felt like months ago that she was in here last, but it was only a matter of weeks. They must be getting sick of seeing her by now, and to be honest she was getting sick of seeing them. She got lifted onto the table and a pillow was placed behind her head.
A funny thing seems to happen when you're waiting for something desperately. Its like time gets suspended. Mere minutes feel like hours and the more you want something the more it seems to evade you, the more the time seems to slow. The minutes stretched on and it felt like everything was in slow motion. With every second Tori grew more and more anxious, her body became more taut. She gripped Beck's hand tighter and her heart rate increased significantly as the wand was pressed to her stomach. Beck returned the gesture and she knew he was anxious too. This was their child, their future, and it all hung in the balance. There was nothing they could do now though but wait. So they waited... and they waited.
And waited.
Nothing. Tori's mind went into a flurry of thoughts and her body became cold and numb. Why wasn't there anything? Where was the heartbeat, the small fluttering heartbeat that told Tori everything was going to be okay. Her baby's small frame was unmoving on the monitor and Tori's heart felt like it was about to jump out of her chest. This was by far the worst moment of her life, the worst feeling she'd ever felt, and considering everything she'd been through that was saying a lot. The doctor's eyebrow's furrowed as she looked to him desperately. "Hmmm." He said and typed something into the computer. Tori felt like she was going to scream with every click of that stupid keyboard.
She turned her face towards Beck's to see that his eyes were glued desperately to the screen in front of him. His brown eyes were sad and filled with tears and Tori had to look away. She couldn't see his anguish as well as feel her own. The minutes stretched on before her as she waited but nothing broke the silence expect for more sounds of the keyboard clacking. Tori vaguely felt it was the wand was waved over her stomach again, moving from place to place almost frantically. She felt like she should be crying but found that no tears would come. Her eyes were dry and there was a huge lump in her throat. That was it, it was over. Her world was gone leaving her with a void that not even Beck could fill. She doubted anything would ever be able to fill it again.
She kept her eyes on the ceiling as the bleakness of her existence overwhelmed her and a new hatred for Jade West piled up inside of her. If it wasn't for Jade she wouldn't be here right now, if it wasn't for Jade she'd be happy. How could Jade ruin her life when she wasn't even in the land of the living anymore? Tori had no idea how much time was flying by, her sense of time was warped. Each second felt like a minute and each minute felt like a lifetime.
She was just about ready to give up. She knew by doing so she was going to break her promise to Beck, but she couldn't help it. Her world was shattered, her baby was dead, there wasn't much room in Tori's life for promise keeping after that. She was on the verge of falling into the pit of darkness she could feel overtaking her, but she found she couldn't quite fall.
Something was bursting through her recent state of hopelessness, something she needed more than life itself. The sound that she would never forget breaking through the bleak sorrow that had taken over her. A small fluttering heartbeat that brought her back to the real world.
Her eyes rested on her doctor's. Her body was filled with disbelief and she clung to Beck's hand willing this to be real and not a figment of her imagination. Her doctor smiled, "It's a miracle. Your baby seems to be fine. Of course it's not out of the woods yet, and there are still many more months to this pregnancy, but it's alive and from what I can tell it's healthy. It shouldn't be, but it is." His smile grew wider, "A true miracle."
Relief and happiness filled Tori in a wave so violent it consumed her, but in a good way. This was what she'd wanted, this was everything she'd fought for. Besides, she was owed a few miracles after everything she'd been through. She looked to Beck. He was smiling and he made a loud yelling noise of happiness. The sound lifted Tori's soul and made her heart skip a beat. She was going to be okay, her baby was going to be okay, for the first time in a long time it felt like everything was falling into place. She had never been so happy in her life. Beck wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her forehead, still being careful with her even though Tori knew he wanted nothing more than to spin her around in his arms and kiss her. He was laughing and slowly she started laughing too. It was infectious and it made her feel free, the sorrow inside her dissipated. Apparently keeping her promise was going to be easier than she thought.