Mistakes are mine, like always.
Chapter 28 - I'm Mute
Now:
His alarm clock reads 3:34 AM, but I don't feel a lick of sleepiness. There were few times in my life thus far that I felt legitimately lonely. In those times, I would suffer through the feelings, hoping and wishing that I'd find something to distract me enough to make me feel a part of something once more.
I've felt lonely for almost two weeks now. Emotionally empty. Physically I was surrounded by people who vocalized that they care for me time and time again in the recent events that have occurred. But it didn't make a difference. It was like I heard their words but I didn't put out the effort to let myself feel comfort in them.
I had an epiphany of sorts earlier today, it was from the simplest if actions but it still meant so much to me.
Edward and I were downstairs watching MTV; the Show With Vinny was on. I hadn't been paying attention or participating in the conversations around me. My gaze was solely on the little dent on the coffee table.
If I was being honest, I had began to annoy myself with my lack of emotions. Had I been in someone else's shoes I would have told myself to fuck off already.
It was another reason to remind myself that Edward was a genuinely nice guy.
He didn't say anything special or over the top. No, all he did was take my limp hand and hold it -His silent admission that he was there for me. It warmed the hole that had been torn open, in the place my heart was supposed to be located. It's like a dim memory in my mind even though this all happened less than six hours ago.
His hand had gently squeezed my own and I remember tiling my head up to see his face.
It was that lovingly tender look on his face that made me blush for the first time in days.
One moment I was staring at Edward and the next I was hiding my face in the crook of his neck with his strong arms around me. No other words had been spoken, and while I felt the eye of his family on us, no one spoke about it.
Around 10 or 11, I'm not entirely sure, we had all gone up to our rooms to sleep but I stayed awake.
It was like I was fishing for the same warmth I felt in Edwards arms but couldn't find it.
It's with an annoyed huff that I changed into my 'sweats and one of Edwards t shirts' pajamas and made my way into his room via the conjoined bathroom.
Desperately I wanted to wake him, but I didn't want to disrupt his sleep. So like a stalker I've been staring at him, debating if I should or should not gently shake his shoulder. I was very torn.
However, my internal dilemma was interrupted when I heard Edward give a forceful sigh and he started squirming in his sleep. He dug his head deeper into his pillow and he turned over.
With my eyes that had long since adjusted to the dark, I could see when his own eyes slowly opened.
I was trying not to move, hoping that if I remained still he'd fall back asleep and I could just go back to my room. The cowardly lion had nothing on me.
"Babe?" His voice is husky with sleep and I cringe as he sleepily fumbles with trying to turn on the lamp on his night stand.
Bright lights come on and I snap my eyes shut as it burns at first.
"Are you okay?" He asks extending his hand towards me. I crawl onto the bed and shrug in reply once I'm sitting next to him, selfishly enjoying the warmth I receive as I weave out hands together.
"Did you go to sleep?" He murmurs throwing his arm around me and pulling me to his chest.
As I feel his head rest on the crown of my own, I honestly shake my head no.
"Are you back?" He asks and I only shrug once more. As his body heat radiates and envelops me in a warm cocoon, my eyes feel heavy and begin to droop.
"Sleep." He hums and the last thing I feel before I finally fall asleep is his lips against my temple.
Then:
"You're moving." I state looking Angela dead in the eyes.
She drops her eyes and begins to dig her shoes into the carpet.
"…Yes."
My jaw locks and I have to force my rationality to stay in my mind.
After what feels like hours she finally looks up.
"When are you leaving?" I ask mindful to carefully form the words. It was hard for others to understand me when I was yell-mouthing.
"In like a month and a half...most likely."
My eyes widen like saucers a my jaw drops open.
"Where you even going to tell me?" I ask stepping back as I stare at Angela. This was my friend, a girl I've known almost all my life, and someone I felt who knew me better than anyone else. And yet...staring at her, watching her stumble over an obvious lie, she had never felt more like a stranger.
Upon seeing my growing irritation, Angela loses her own victim facade and blurts out
"Don't act like you're so wronged! You hide shit too, Izzy, and I don't get mad at you."
It was like a slap to the face and without replying, I turn on my heels and walk off the porch.
"Oh my god." I hear her whisper and following footsteps.
"Izzy-" she starts but I interrupt her.
"I may keep secrets. But I'm not the one moving out of the state."
I ruthlessly bat her extended arm away and continue walking back to my car.
As I turn it on, I can hear Angela calling out my name and just to spite her, I turn on the radio and pull the volume up until my windows are rattling then drive away
I arrive home a short time later and even though I don't purposely mean to, I ignore the Cullen's and head up to my room. I spend the rest of Friday in there, only answering Edwards' text messages in brief replies.
Saturday morning, I wake up to painful pangs in my stomach, a reminder that I hadn't eaten since the day before.
I forgo showering just yet and change into a new pair a jeans and a t-shirt I had borrowed from Edward a few days back. I couldn't help it that his shirts were more comfortable than my own. not to mention his smelled way better. I pull my hair into a messy ponytail and head downstairs, nervous for the reaction of the family.
Already on the second flight I could hear their morning chat murmurs and I could smell the makings of omelets.
Rosalie is the first to notice me when I enter the dining room and a certain look passes over her face but she covers it up with a smile and good morning.
"Morning." Alice says from her place next to her sister, her eyes run once over my person and she purses her lips.
"No, that won't do." She says to no one in specific and lightly does her little dance-walk to me. For a tiny person, she can be incredible strong. Her arms tug on my shoulders until I'm standing with my back to her and I feel her hands grab the extra material of the shirt that was two sizes to big. With a few tugs and twists, Alice tucks the material into a knot and loops it until the shirt.
"Better." She says and kisses my cheek once before going back to the table and turning her attention to the magazine in front of her.
"Esme is making us omelets. Go ask for one." Jasper mentions with a nod hello and jerks his thumb towards the kitchen.
When I enter the kitchen, Carlisle and Esme along with Edward are in a semi circle talking in hushed voices.
"Morning!" Emmett calls with a grin and takes his monster looking omelet out of the pan and shares a look with Edward before walking out of the kitchen.
"You look tired." Emmett comments while bumping his hip to mine with what I imagine was a light force, yet because I was a klutz and didn't expect it, I lose my balance and have to grab onto the nearest counter.
"Good morning, sweetheart." Esme says with her motherly smile on her face.
Not particularly in the mood to move my mouth just yet, I wave hello. Then an awkward silence occurs.
"Is something wrong?" I ask walking closer and accept the hug Edward offers.
They all deliberately ignore my question and instead, in unison, ask if I want an omelet. I frown as fear slowly creeps in and starts to bubble, but nod anyways.
Esme and Carlisle both turn to the task of cracking eggs while I turn to Edward.
"You'll break the skin." Words spoken softly for my ears only with an even gentler touch that pulls my bottom lip from my teeth.
"What's wrong?" His eyes waver from my gaze and over my shoulder.
"It'll be okay." Edward says and almost immediately Carlisle's firm voice sounds out in warning.
"Edward."
"Are you we really going to put this off any longer?" He says to his father and I feel his arms around me tighten the slightest bit.
Have you ever had that moment of anticipation, where your blood pounds in your ears and everything feels like its losing it's focus and gets that hazy edge?
In the next moments I can barely hear Esme start talking, explaining how when I went out yesterday my parents had called, while in the back of my mind I wondered if it was to say they were coming back to Forks I didn't have much time to let the sad thought of leaving the Cullen home embed itself in my brain because just then, it was like a balloon had popped and the world returned to normal.
With crystal clear vision I slowly blink as Esme places a small delicate hand against her lips and says just barely loud enough for me to hear.
"Your parents are staying a while longer. Your grandfather died, honey."
Now:
Edward POV
As she fell asleep in my arms, I couldn't help but wonder just how much is a person supposed to take in life. Just what about all this was fair?
I would be lying if I told someone I thought Bella was perfectly fine, and I mean fine besides the fact that she still has yet to speak actual words since I've met her.
It was moments like this, with her in my arms that none of the technicalities mattered.
It didn't take a genius to figure that Bella didn't have the best sleeping pattern, and as late because of the Angela situation, that already chaotic pattern had almost turned to dust. During the day, Bella would go about it with a dazed looked, the half moons under her eyes growing prominently darker as the days passed.
And it sucked, having her there but her presence not going much passed that. Physically she was present, mentally she checked out.
I run my finger down the gentle slope of her cheek, smiling as her face leans closer to me and feeling the ache in my chest hit me once more.
Every day that ache grew more and more intense, demanding to be noticed with every little smile or action Bella sent my way.
The emotions this girl was causing in me where unlike any other.
I wasn't daft and I knew what this ache was. What the emotion behind it, the source of it's power, was.
Staring at her sleeping face with her warm, soft body against mine, there was no other logical explanation for it.
The girl with no words for the world, had charmed her way into my heart.
-Ping-
After carefully leaning over Bella to retrieve my cell phone from the nightstand, I have to force myself not to make any noise as I read the new email I has just received.
Some say that God only gives us what we can handle.
Well...how am I supposed to tell my girlfriend, who just lost both grandparents and best friend, that she would be losing me too? At least temporarily anyways.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter, i apologize for the late update. My laptop pooped out on me and only works on Safe mode...do you know what you can do on Safe mode? nothing. that's what.
this chapter was written half on my ipod's notepad and half on a draft message on my yahoo.
The, what i imagine to be, climax of the story is coming within 2 or 3 chapters, i'm so nervous/excited.
Give me your thoughts :)