This chapter takes place a couple of days after the prank incident. Sorry for not making that clear in this chapter, but it wasn't until after I was finished it that I realized that I'd forgotten to include that. Oops

Also, apologies for the short chapter, but I can never guarantee the length as it changes depending on what occurs in each chapter.

R + R please!

*Disclaimer: I don't own transformers*

~ o ~

I'd done a lot of dumb and dangerous things in my life, but willingly charging headfirst into a battle against Decepticons was not yet one of them. Only horrible things had happened in all the battles I'd been involved in so far—Astraea's death being one of them—and the fact that I had little training in the act of warfare only amplified the list of reasons why I should steer clear of any and all battles involving Decepticons. But I knew I could not allow such thoughts to distract me. Unless I wanted to spend the rest of my days cooped up on base, I needed to learn to defend myself.

Plus, fighting Decepticons was simply what Autobots did unless they worked as medics. Hell, even Ratchet fought in battles. And I was an Autobot, right? Right?

Right.

Besides I had more than myself to think about: I had the AllSpark and Abby to consider. On some occasions I was bound to come across the Decepticons. And then where would I be? Learning how to fight in a battle was the only practical solution when it came to being able to protect those I care about and myself.

I stood in the main hanger as dozens of surrounding soldiers and bots dashed back and forth, pleading my case to Prowl, hoping that by listing some of the reasons of why he should allow me to partake in the battle he would grant me permission. The thought of engaging a con in battle still scared the shit out of me, but I did my best to come across as brave sounding rather than the youngling every bot seemed to regard me as. Even Abby had thrown a fit upon hearing of desire to participate in the upcoming mission, but at least she had understood.

"You are not a warrior."

"And I never will be unless you allow me a chance to fight," I whipped back at him. "How am I supposed to improve, if you won't give me the chance?"

"By advancing in your training here," he said, his expression unreadable as he glanced at the datapad he held.

"And what if some Decepticons spring an attack on us?" I replied angrily. I was starting to lose my temper, which didn't happen very often. "That was the reason we each got hurt last time: because they caught us off guard, and I didn't know how to protect myself."

"You still don't."

"I've been training with Ironhide." And that was true. "If that hasn't taught me anything, then what good am I? I can't just hang around base for the rest of my life. I need to learn how to fight in actual battles, protect myself, and be helpful." I was still nervous about how I would react once I actually did find myself in the middle of a battlefield, but I had to do what needed to be done. I needed to face my demons that were plaguing my dreams, instead of just running away.

Prowl narrowed his optics. "I am not forbidding you from leaving base for the rest of your life, I am merely denying your request to partake in this mission, which requires more experience than you currently have."

"And just how exactly am I supposed to acquire experience unless I fight?" My own optics were narrowed into angry slits. I was furious with Prowl for stopping me from fighting, but most of all I was furious with myself for being too weak to even be considered.

"By completing your training and partaking in battles that Optimus, as well as myself, deem suitable to your level," he responded, his voice aggravatingly cool.

"Oh yeah, because it's totally not like all encounters with the Decepticons will be dangerous, now will it?" I shot back sarcastically. "You should know better than anyone that a battle—any battle—can turn for the worst in the blink of an optic!"

"Watch your tone," he said sharply, and I almost flinched.

Sideswipe who had been driving past in his Corvette form transformed then and put a hand on me protectively, looking between Prowl and I. "Hey, what's going on?"

"I need to do this," I continued, looking at Prowl almost as if Sideswipe wasn't there. "I need to know that I can protect myself."

"My answer remains the same."

I shook with fury.

Sideswipe spoke again. "Why not let her come? Sunny and I are going, and we promise to protect her if anything happens."

"My answer is no," Prowl said.

My voice rose. "You're such a snob!" I was shouting. I was aware that we were being stared at by passing soldiers and bots, but I couldn't bring myself to care. "You think the only one fit enough to watch over me is you. That's why you volunteered to be my guardian in the first place—because of the AllSpark that's within me. And that is exactly why you don't want me heading off into this battle—because you won't be there. If you were going then your answer probably would have been yes—"

Prowl glanced down at his datapad. "My answer would still have been no, for reasons you don't seem to be comprehending."

"Oh I understand plenty," I said bitterly. "Too much actually."

"What do you want me to say?" snapped Prowl, throwing his hands up. I saw then that he had reached the end of his patience. "Sorry I won't let you take part in a battle that ah know will be dangerous, too dangerous for ya to handle. Sorry ah don't want ya gettin' hurt, or quite possibly killed. Sorry ah care!" Without waiting for me to reply, he stormed out of the main hanger, leaving us, and a lot of others, standing there in shock.

After a moment I turned and nearly ran out of the hanger, transforming down so I didn't have to worry about stepping on anyone. Sideswipe called after me, but I ignored him, marching past the plane that various bots and soldiers were boarding and instead taking the sandy path down to the beach. I walked and walked, my mind replaying snippets of the conversation until it was void of anything but the forward motion, and then I was running. It felt good to be alone with the wind in my hair, the sand beneath my feet. When I'd gone so far that I couldn't make out the path that led back to the hanger, I stopped and stared at the ocean.

I had been in the wrong, I knew. I knew some fancy tricks thanks to Ironhide, but against a seasoned Decepticon fighter? I knew now that it was foolish of to think for even a second that I would be able to do anything more than distract him. Wasn't that what I had done during the last two battles? Only, instead of just distracting the Decepticons, I had also distracted Prowl and caused him to get hurt. Even if he had let me tag along, what real use would I have been? I probably would have just gotten myself captured or someone hurt, and then where would we be? I had been so bent on going that I hadn't even stopped to consider the burden I would have placing on everyone's shoulders. And Prowl—

"Fuck," I said. I picked up a piece of driftwood and flung it as hard as I could at the water and then another and another, furious with myself for yet again doing the wrong thing.

Just as quickly as the anger came, it dissipated into nothingness, and I stood there on the shore quiet, spent. The wind was blowing my hair about my face and I tucked a couple of strands behind my ears. I didn't know what I should do. I doubted very much that Prowl would want to listen to anything I had to say, but I knew that I needed to apologise to him for what I had said.

I walked forlornly back to the main hanger, strolling in a way that was neither fast nor slow, pausing occasionally to gaze at the ocean. I was trying to think of what I would say. I climbed slowly up the sandy bank and headed to the hanger, my knees shaking slightly. I transformed up as soon as I was inside, immediately noticing that the hanger was nearly deserted, aside from a few groups of training soldiers. I didn't see Prowl anywhere around, so I made my way through the winding hallways until I reached his office. I felt a sick flutter in my gut as I raised my hand to knock, unsure if he was even inside or not. But knowing I had to speak to him, I finally mustered up the courage to rap my knuckles in a rhythmic tap against the metal surface. Nothing happened, and I was starting to wonder if he really wasn't in his office, when finally the door slid open and I jumped.

Mentally I took a deep breath, before stepping inside to find Prowl working at his desk. He looked up as I approached, but aside from his optics narrowing slightly he didn't say anything, just silently watched me walk up to his desk. Feeling his hot stare, I ducked my head and looked at my feet.

"I'm sorry," I said.

Prowl said nothing.

I looked up again and the emotionless look on Prowl's face made me burn all over. I swallowed heavily, wishing in that moment that I had my locket to grab onto. I wanted nothing more than to just disappear.

"I'm sorry," I said again, not knowing what else to say. I wanted to tell him the reasons why I had wanted to go so badly, but somehow the look on his face silenced me. When he still didn't say anything I turned to go, feeling the hot sting of tears fill my optics. I was nearly upon the door when I heard Prowl call out my name. I turned back around to find him regarding me with a blank expression.

"Why did you want to partake in the mission so badly?" he asked.

I opened my mouth to spiel the list of reasons I had created for myself of why, but stopped myself. "I'm tired of running," I admitted. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life running from my fears instead of facing them head on."

"I was not saying you had to," he said.

"I know," I said quietly. "I just thought you were."

Prowl unexpectedly made no comment, but looked at me with an unreadable expression on his face. Then he bent and reached for something in one of his desk's drawers, before sitting back up with a datapad in his hand. Wordlessly he held it out to me. I took it after a moment of staring at it in surprise, and turned it on to find the cover of Jane Eyre staring back up at me. I looked up at Prowl in astonishment—my mouth falling open in pleasure. Without waiting for him to say anything, I circled his desk and wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you so much!" I said, grinning from ear to ear. Prowl seemed taken back, and after a moment I pulled away to touch my lips against his cheek in a kiss—the best I could give considering my lips didn't bend the way they did when I was fleshy. He stared back at me stiffly with wide optics as I leaned back, and my optics widened in horror at what I'd done.

"Um, sorry." I quickly scrambled off of him and to the door, pausing only once I reach it to turn back and smile at him. It wasn't until I was in the hallway that my face flushed with what I'd done.