Author's Note: Wow, I am truly humbled by the heartfelt reviews people have taken the time to write. Like a lot of people in life, I've got a ton of personal crap I'm dealing with and fanfiction is my escape. When I hear compliments on my writing, I can't tell you how much that means to me and brightens my day.
I appreciate both the positive feedback and constructive criticism and I listen to it all! I actually love that people have such differing opinions on Christian and Ana because my goal is to create complicated, imperfect characters. People are never black and white (there are shades of grey — sorry, couldn't resist :) so Christian and Ana are both right and they are both wrong in my opinion.
There is still a lot more angst and self-discovery to come but as promised, they will resolve their issues. This is a shorter chapter but it's important to Ana's evolution. Next up is an Elena chapter that I hope sheds more light on her and Christian (and don't worry, no cheating).
I also wanted to thank everyone and address a few reviewers below. And don't worry, I'm writing away so updates will be regular!
FanFicFanWI – I respect that my story inspires different opinions, but it's really awesome when readers get exactly what you're trying to convey, and your comment is right on the mark. "Christian is a lot for anyone to take on, even on a good day." So true. And yes Elena, his honesty, his mood swings and Ana's need for an identity are the real issue.
Luvfiftyshades – Exactly – his constant defense of Elena also comes down to pride and being unable to admit that he was wrong.
Shansanchez – I'm glad you empathize with Ana needing to be close with her man. It was a moment of weakness but one that I think we can all relate to. And yes I totally agree that in the books Christian gets off the hook way too easily, which is where the idea for this story came from.
Candy Girl 25 – The fact that this is a CG you can root for and an Ana you can relate to means I have done my job :)
MissG909 – I know Christian is frustrating. I get more in-depth on him in the next chapter.
"So has Christian paid his penance yet or is he still in the doghouse?" Kate chirped, inhaling a chili-laden hot dog as they walked across campus. There was a chill in the air and a light dusting of snow blanketed the grass, but otherwise it was a clear and sunny day.
Ana shot her an admonishing look. "We're getting through it," she fibbed, taking a sip of her latte.
In truth, Ana had spent the last two days since their epic blowout sulking on the balcony, while Christian brooded in his study. Together, they were a miserable pair — the epitome of self-inflicted wounds.
Kate eyed her speculatively. "You're a piss-poor liar Ana but I get it. I'll mind my own beeswax. I promise not to pry … for at least a day or so," she winked.
A ghost of a smile played on Ana's lips. I give her less than an hour.
"So have you thought about joining me for that party in two weeks? Nothing like some vodka to snap you out of a funk. My brother Ethan is back in town too. You remember him? You guys have met a few times."
"Of course. He's a real nice guy," Ana replied nonchalantly.
"Yeah, nice is exactly why he's still single," Kate quipped. "He's actually transferring to Seattle after the holidays. Couldn't hack it in Florida. He claimed it was because their engineering program sucked but I'm pretty sure it's because he was homesick for mommy and daddy."
"Kate, give the guy a break. He's your brother," Ana chided her, taking a seat alongside her friend on a bench that overlooked the main quad as they soaked up the uncharacteristically splendid Seattle weather.
"Which is exactly why it's my job not to give him a break. He's a smart, good-looking kid but he needs to man up a little. Anyhoo, he'll be here and you mentioned that your friend Jose will be in town. We could all go out. Hell, we could even let Christian tag along if he removes that giant stick up his ass by then."
"Kaaaate," Ana reprimanded her, knowing that the stick would still be lodged firmly in place.
"OK, OK," she threw her hands up, feigning surrender.
"So you're still a member of the sorority even though you don't live in their house any more?" Ana inquired, hoping to steer the conversation away from her wayward boyfriend. She never understood how sororities worked.
"I still pay my dues but I moved out after my freshman year. Have you ever lived with a bunch of girls? We're disgusting! Worse than guys. I bought a year's worth of paper plates and cups for the house because none of those bitches ever washed a single dish. They even refused to throw out soda cans and glass bottles because they wanted to recycle them — only they never bothered to take anything out to the recycling bin. So by the end of the semester we had a mountain of used bottles piled high in a corner of the kitchen like some kind of abstract junkyard art. As soon as I started sophomore year, I hightailed it out of there and got my own place."
"It probably would've been cheaper for you to just hire a maid for the house," Ana observed, baffled as to why Kate needed a three-bedroom apartment all to herself.
"Probably," she mused. "But my parents were willing to fork over the rent for my own place so why live like a broke college kid when I don't have to? My pride? Fuck that. I'd rather swallow my pride and come home to a spacious, immaculate apartment with Egyptian cotton sheets."
Ana nodded in agreement. Christian had bought her Egyptian cotton sheets a few months ago and they were indeed heavenly.
"It is getting lonely though. I don't want to live with 20 other bitches but I'm thinking of getting a roommate just to keep me company. I've got an empty third bedroom so I figure why not?"
"What about your brother? You said he's transferring anyway."
"Hell to the no! I spent 18 years bunking with him. I've put in my time," Kate laughed.
"Well, it might be a little too soon for this, but have you thought about moving in with Elliott? You guys have been pretty hot and heavy for a few months now, which is a few months longer than your prior relationships," Ana teased.
"I admit it's a record and I like the guy — and I don't mean this as any offense to you and Christian — but I'm not ready to play Suzy Homemaker just yet. I'm only a freaking sophomore in college for God's sake. I want to enjoy myself. College will be over before I know it and I'll have plenty of time later for house."
Ana looked at her brash, carefree friend with envy. She had the best of both worlds: a boyfriend and her independence. Ana wondered if she would ever achieve that elusive combination.
The ringing of her phone interrupted her reverie.
"Sorry Kate. It's my dad."
"No worries. Tell him I said hi. I'm heading to my next class anyway. See you later Banana."
Ana gave Kate a quick hug before answering the phone.
"Hi dad! How are you?"
"I'm good Annie. I haven't heard from you in a while so I thought I'd check in. How are you?"
Horrible. "Wonderful."
"How's Christian?"
Horrible. "Fine."
"If I ask you how's school, will I also get a monosyllabic answer?"
"No, I'm sorry dad," Ana giggled. As always, Ray could read his little girl and knew how to cheer her up. "It's good. I'm wrapping up finals and I think they've all gone well, even my econ test. I've signed up for a pretty decent slate of classes next semester, including all the English lit courses I wanted, so everything is going fine."
Everything except for my personal life, but that's another story.
"I'm glad to hear the transition to Seattle is going smoothly. Listen Annie," Ray paused, hesitancy creeping into his voice. "I don't want there to be any more friction between us over your decision to leave Harvard. I don't agree with it but you're a grown woman and I accept your choices. I hope you're not upset with me for expressing my opinion."
"Of course not dad. I'm not mad at all and I completely understand where you were coming from," Ana said, choked up by Ray's unusual display of emotion and candor. "I don't want any tension between us either. I love you."
"Good, then that's settled. I love you too and only want what's best for you. It's nothing personal against Christian. It's plain as day that the boy is goo-goo-gaa-gaa head over heels in love with you. My objections didn't revolve around him. We both know he's going to be a success. As your father, my sole concern is you. This is the time in your life when you make critical choices that will impact you for years to come, so I just wanted to ensure that you made the right ones for you — and no one else."
"I understand dad and I appreciate you looking out for me. I know the move was such a whirlwind, but I took all of your arguments into account before I made my decision. Believe me, I did," Ana said with a pang of remorse as she tried not to dwell on her current predicament.
"Well, love can be a whirlwind, especially young love," Ray chuckled good-naturedly. "The high of new love is stronger than any drug on earth. Believe me, I know."
Wait, did my straight-laced dad just admit to experimenting with drugs?
"What I mean is that I've experienced young love," he qualified. "Remember, I met your mom when we were both fairly young."
"Is that why it didn't work out between you guys?" Ana blurted out. Her and Ray had always danced around the subject of his divorce with Carla, in part because of her infidelity.
"To a degree," Ray said awkwardly. "People grow up and sometimes in the process they grow apart. It's simply the nature of life. Neither of us was honest with each other about our feelings and we both dealt with our problems in unhealthy ways. I tended to shut down while Carla … well, you know."
"Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have brought it up," Ana said apologetically.
"No biggie. It's water under the bridge. The point is that we both learned an important lesson: Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship. Once the lies start chipping away at that foundation, the relationship is doomed to collapse."
Tears pricked the back of Ana's eyes as she wolfed down her latte, unsure of how to respond to Ray's keen observation. Ray mistook her silence for boredom.
"Anyway, I'm going to get off my soapbox now. These aren't issues you have to worry about. You just concentrate on you Annie. I know that sounds a little selfish, but ultimately, the most important relationship any of us have is with ourselves. Good lord I sound like one of those know-it-all daytime TV talk show hosts. I'll stop now!"
Ana let out a humorless laugh as Ray's words of wisdom hit a bit too close to home.
"You give Dr. Phil a run for his money dad. Thanks for the advice. I take everything you say to heart."
"Glad to hear it sweetie. I'll let you get back to class. I'll see you kids for Christmas break right?"
"We'll definitely see each other," Ana replied, skirting around the dilemma of whether Christian would come home with her for the holidays.