A/N: I'm sorry for this being late and I'm sorry for not replying to comments and I'm sorry for existing

Exams are killing me but I managed to do write

Chapter 25: The best for me and myself

As soon as the bill was paid, Loki was half-hugging Frigga goodbye and making his escape.

He hated Odin; it wasn't even a secret anymore. It was tricky enough to be around Thor when he didn't like him much; being around Odin was just painful. Frigga was a pleasure, but unfortunately, her and Odin tended to come as a pair.

Thor and Jane followed Loki back into a taxi, quickly hailed, and they set off for home.

When they made it in the door, Loki politely thanked Thor and Jane for the meal and company and vanished upstairs, lingering just long enough to hear Jane say "Your brother is an weird kinda guy."

Well. Not inaccurate.

In the confines of his room, Loki fired up his laptop and immediately went onto American news websites, looking for information on Tony Stark and Justine Hammer.

Nothing especially new on Tony, which was worrying, but Hammer was mostly headlining as the face of American warfare.

That didn't especially satisfy Loki's curiosity; he wanted to know about Tony. So he accessed JARVIS - he'd left himself a backdoor in JARVIS's protocols, as much as it pained him to compromise such a brilliant piece of technology - and searched records of comings and goings. Tony had returned home, in a fairly good state of health, barring exhaustion and stress.

Loki breathed an unashamed sigh of relief. His double-cross had worked, and hopefully Hammer wouldn't figure it out.

He hoped that Hammer would pay him in the next day or two so he could get on the move before SHIELD caught him.

Despite her inherent dishonesty, Loki didn't think that Hammer wouldn't pay him. Loki knew way too much about what she'd been up to, and she had to know that he'd keep records of every little interaction they'd had, up to and including his hacking of Tony's files and sending them to her. It was in their contract that if he fulfilled his end of the deal, then she'd pay him, and he wouldn't tell anyone, give anyone any information about the whole affair, or act against her. Standard issue espionage contract. And he was planning to honour it; he knew the alternative was assassination, and he wasn't in good enough health to run from that.

She wouldn't kill him unless she had to, either, because she knew he was smart and quick and betraying him just meant he'd betray her faster. It was a fine balance.

That said, the contract had little loopholes, and he'd thought of every single one shortly before agreeing to it. He had the advantage; whether or not he used it was a different matter.

Either way, Loki wanted to be well-rested, so he popped a couple of his sleeping pills from Urumqi and promptly tried to get some sleep.

-O.O-

Tony woke up with a hangover. It felt surprisingly good.

Not physically good, because his head felt like someone had taken an axe to it, but in a weird Pavlov-style way that you got drunk so you must've had fun last night.

No dice. Actually, he'd gotten tipsy with Natasha, and then he'd left her in peace so he could get shit-faced alone in his penthouse. He had been in that kind of mood.

Today, he was making himself presentable, then heading to New York University to smile and encourage their students. He wasn't sure if it was engineering students or business students or art students or whatever other kind of student. They probably needed encouragement from Tony Stark. His reputation certainly did.

What he needed was Loki, or at least his information. But not only was the merc not stupid enough to come back, he was also much too experienced to leave his computer system unguarded enough for Tony to steal anything.

But he had a different idea. Getting up and making himself a smoothie before anyone else was on the go, he got JARVIS to check his flight plan to Nevada.

Then he got in the Iron Man and started flying.

-O.O-

Loki was awake when Hammer's phone vibrating on his bedside table. It was still dark out, but the sleeping pills gave him nightmares.

He picked it up.

Transferred. Check email. Throw phone out after confirmation.

Ah, good.

He rolled over and unplugged his laptop, turning it on.

Loki's bank account was a curious thing. After his second freelance job, in which he was getting paid a surprising amount of money, he'd realised he needed a more secretive and less curious bank. So his bank wasn't exactly the legal kind, but it was the really reliable kind.

Unfortunately, his bank balance had been pretty much naught for the better part of six months. The assholes that had captured him had extorted every penny. Like he could stop himself from telling them his security details when his body was seizing.

Then the debt from medical treatment, plane tickets and all that etcetra. Things had been dire. The bank had threatened some serious stuff.

This job was changing all that. Five million under his belt for three weeks' work. Not half bad, even if he had had a moral crisis somewhere in the middle.

Morality was for the weak and for the heroes.

A quick visit to an obscure web page followed by a confidential login confirmed what Hammer had said. Money for him.

The tiny knot of concern in his chest that thought she wouldn't pay him dissolved, leaving him free to make his plans.

-O.O-

Tony was on his way to Nevada. More exactly, he was on his way back to Nevada, because that was where Hammer had taken him after she'd captured him in Mandarin City. He wanted another look-over of the warehouse.

On the way, he looked over the records. The warehouse had previously been abandoned, until Hammer had snapped it up. It had a small runway and two other buildings apart from the warehouse. He wanted to see what he could do from there. There had to be some evidence that Hammer used it, and that was a step towards proving she'd kidnapped him.

He also had the small amount of footage from just before Loki had shut down the Iron Man; it didn't have Hammer in it, but it did at least prove the whole thing had happened.

Tony was beginning to seriously consider implanting something that could track his location and maybe vitals. If he got clever, he could amp it up to recording speech or something.

Maya Hansen worked on that kind of stuff. He'd have to get in touch with her.

As he soared around the empty warehouse, he told JARVIS to scan it. No one was onsite, there was no major technology running, and the warehouses seemed largely empty.

Nevertheless, he didn't trust Hammer at all, so he was very cautious.

As far as he could tell, no one had been there since the Avengers had rescued him. The door was still forced open and Tony slowly made his way in.

When he a few metres in and looking around measuringly, JARVIS alerted him: "Sir, you have tripped a laser sensor."

"Shit!" Tony gasped, turning to make his way out of the warehouse.

"Sir, I would advise you to leave very quickly," JARVIS said, sounding about as panicked as he could.

Tony activated his repulsors, just as an ear-shattering explosion threw him forwards and out of the building. The suit protected him from the blast, but he could see when the smoke cleared that the inside of the warehouse was gutted.

Son of a bitch. Hammer's smart.

A quick scan revealed that the warehouse was gutted and not reparable.

He searched the other two buildings, but they didn't look like they'd ever been used.

The runway was fairly empty, but Tony picked up a cigarette butt, a receipt and a splat of oil. Maybe he could age them, but it didn't seem likely.

The whole expedition had been fairly unsuccessful. He decided to head home.

It was as he took to the air that he got a phone call from a blocked number. With a feeling of foreboding, he answered.

"Tony, that was terribly rude," Hammer's voice said, mock-upset.

"Why are you doing this?" Tony said.

"Why are you doing this?" Hammer countered. "I've got camera footage here of you in your Iron Man suit just walking into one of my warehouses and blowing it up."

"Bitch," Tony breathed. "You set me up."

"I didn't do a thing," Hammer said. "In fact, it looked like you did a thing, and I'm hurt. We're having issues, I know, but you don't need to get violent."

Tony understood what she was doing. She was trying to take him down, and he'd just unwittingly handed her a new piece of evidence. And he couldn't even use this phone call against her, because she wasn't admitting anything.

"I'm going to get you for this," Tony told her firmly.

"For not letting you walk all over the American people?" Hammer tutted. Then she hung up.

"God, the smart villains are the worst," Tony sighed, taking off and heading for home.

He was dealing with everything on a minute to minute basis. He just needed to finish, to win no matter the cost, then he could think about Loki and fixing JARVIS and everything.

-O.O-

For the first time in what felt like forever, Loki wondered what he wanted. The last six months had been a scramble for survival. But now, he had plenty of money and a fake passport and he could do whatever he liked.

What did he actually want?

He thought back to times he'd genuinely been happy.

When he'd met Nat. Trained with her. Joked with her. And more, of course, but that was never going to be a repeat performance, and Loki knew that was for the best.

Those idyllic days in Turkey when he'd been tasked with stealing art. It had been a mental challenge, not a physical one, and that was the best.

A short amount of his time in Columbia had been nice.

He'd enjoyed Australia, just taking a holiday there.

Russia was his favourite country to live in so far. The bleakness of some areas suited him, though admittedly their anti-gay legislation could slow him down.

Nah. Banning something just led to an underground scene. Look at prohibition.

But despite his horrific injuries, he was still young and full of schemes, and on thought, he wasn't quite ready to completely retire.

Where was he going to go? Somewhere that wasn't The Country Of CCTV, because SHIELD was going to find him, and find him fast.

He was considering selling some of his information about SHIELD or the Avengers. Nothing dangerous, but enough to help repair his reputation as a man of many words.

The best place to go for anything dubious was Madripoor. The shining city with a criminal culture that was more prevalent than any other. Loki had been there twice, and he'd felt positively normal compared to everyone else. Odds were SHIELD wouldn't even be able to pick him out.

That was step one. But where from there?

If Loki was going to be completely honest with himself, the place where he'd been happiest recently was with one Tony Stark. Working with him in his lab, joking with him, being wrapped in his arms after that fantastic blowjob.

He hated admitting it, but of everyone he'd ever met, he thought that Tony was perhaps his favourite. Smart, witty, sexy, and there was just a something to him that Loki got along with.

But he'd burned that bridge. More than. In fact, metaphorically, he'd danced around the flames pouring petrol onto them.

Ugh. Despite his line of work, this was the first moral crisis he'd had for a long time.

Mind not quite made up, Loki started his morning exercises.

-O.O-

Loki left his room when he heard Thor bustling around.

"Good morning," Thor said as Loki nodded at him and slipped into the kitchen, looking for something to eat.

When he'd found himself muesli, Loki went and sat at the table with him. "Not at work today?" He asked.

"It's Saturday," Thor pointed out.

"I do lose track of time," Loki said. "Never fear, you won't have to put up with my droll company any longer. I've been paid and I'll be out of your hair very soon."

Thor put down his pop tart and looked at Loki seriously. "Where are you going?"

"Madripoor, I think."

"I've never heard of it."

"It's an island just south-east of Singapore," Loki informed him. "It used to be a haven for pirates; now it's a haven for every other kind of moral degenerate."

"So you'll fit right in," Thor said dryly. "Luke-"

"Loki."

"Loki, you still haven't told me why you're here," Thor said. "Jane is out with her actress friend Darcy; now is the time for you to tell me."

"I pissed off some important people," Loki shrugged. "And I was out of money. I've yet to solve the former problem, but the latter is down for the count."

"Yes, you said, but who was so important that you've resorted to coming to me?" Thor said.

For all Loki might say he was, and for all he might act it occasionally, Thor was not and would never be dumb.

Loki realised the only way to end this conversation with Thor still being on his side was to tell something similar to the truth.

He let out a sigh - good to let Thor know what a pain in the ass he was being - and started to talk. "For a start, I quit MI6 six years ago when I met a expatriated spy named Natalia Romanova. You may have heard of her - she's otherwise known as the Black Widow."

Thor couldn't hide his look of surprise. "From the Avengers?"

"Yes."

"Is it her you annoyed?"

"Not directly," Loki replied. "Though it does lead on to who I annoyed."

"Stop waffling," Thor said.

"Anyway, I've had a fairly successful career since then. I've even caught myself a pseudonym - Silvertongue - not that it's widely used, considering the connotations that come from a name like 'Loki' anyway," Loki said. "By successful, dear brother, I'm talking millions. And Odin said my tricks would never get me anywhere."

"I think he was referring to your uncanny ability to make your way into the bed of your choosing."

"That's been useful too," Loki said with a wry grin. "Anyway, around seven or eight months ago - my memory is a little fractured - I took a job."

"You have a perfect memory," Thor said questioningly.

"Honestly, it's been shaky for some time now. I can't remember your girlfriend's name in high school, and I slept with her," Loki said honestly, biting his lip.

"You did what with Sif?" Thor said in disbelief.

"Let bygones be bygones. Sif, that was her name," Loki said, grinning mischieviously.

"You're terrible."

"I'm clever," Loki corrected. "And immoral. Anyway, I accepted this one job. It looked easy, in all honesty. I was delivering a message to someone who wasn't easily accesible. It should have taken me a week. It really didn't."

Loki was determined to skip over the next bit, not wanting to appear vulnerable or gain sympathy. He was weakening himself enough just by explaining it.

"Skipping the finer details, around three weeks later I woke up from a coma and was in quite the state. Death's door for some time," he forced his tone to be light, casual. "I had no money, no health and no one to call. It took me a long time to recover enough to even make my way out of Iran."

"Why didn't you call me?" Thor asked, slightly accusingly.

"Oh, Odin would have loved that. Come help me, big strong man!" Loki said bitterly. "By the time I was in good enough health - just under a month ago - I started renegotiating my contract with my employer. You may have seen her - Justine Hammer, creator of Detroit Steel?" Loki said.

"You know some important people."

"Indeed I do. You don't know the best of it yet. Anyway, apparently it was all my fault that her contact's men had fucked up royally and she refused to pay me. She's a horrible person, by the way. However, we did negotiate me doing some more work for her - a little industrial espionage. By a remarkable coincidence, I had just been offered work as Tony Stark's driver and bodyguard, and it was the perfect opportunity. I didn't think it would be any issue," Loki said. "But firstly, my Russian friend Natalia lives with Stark, as they're both Avengers."

Thor seemed shocked by the high-profile mess Loki had thrown himself into.

Loki explained everything, his espionage, how he'd subtly tried to help Tony, how that had led to new orders to subconsciously convince Tony to go to Mandarin City. It hadn't taken much; everything Loki had told him in that regard was true.

Fuck the Ten Rings. A horde of incompetent thugs.

Loki kept an icily straight face as he recounted the story, then he finished with "And now I've been paid, I'm not certain where to go next."

Thor pondered the story for a moment, before finally saying "I've never seen you in love, brother."

Loki sneered. "I'm not in love with anyone."

"You spoke of Tony Stark as though he was your sun and moon," Thor told him.

"I liked him. I've liked a few people I've eventually screwed over; I forget it rather quickly."

"Not him, I can tell," Thor said.

Loki wasn't entirely sure how Thor had picked up on it, but affection wasn't an emotion he'd ever really displayed around Thor, so maybe its presence, however slight, was noticeable.

"It doesn't matter," Loki seethed. "I can't return there. I'd be shot on sight."

"You're telling me that my brother, renowned genius, professional spy, cannot think of one single way to apologise to someone?" Thor said.

He was goading him, Loki knew, but it was working.

"I'm sure, I could, but-"

"But what?" Thor interrupted. "If he made you happy, then you and he both deserve better than you running away."

"I'm not running away!" Loki snapped.

"Prove it."

Loki took a deep breath. "I'm not running away from anything, because there's nothing to run away from."

"You are a person of constant dissatisfaction, brother," Thor growled. "If you have finally found someone who makes you happy, then I think you should not hold back in pursuing them. Even if they do happen to be Iron Man, which I find a little unbelievable. Especially so, because if anyone could handle you, it would be someone like him."

As much as Loki wanted to sit in a state of denial, he also knew that Thor was right. There had to be something. Not just swooping in with a bouquet and a Hallmark card.

Something big.

And he could have what he wanted.

A/N: Reviews?