(A/N)
Yay, Wednesday!
Drama Llama, heading your way. Embrace it, love it and take care of it.
Leave me a review if you want to, I'd love to hear if you think I totally fucked up with this chapter.
Until next Wednesday,
CheeZy - out
Levi's POV
„Boom, headshot!" Eren cheered and threw his hands into the air.
„Congratu-fucking-lations, seems like you finally found the R2 trigger." I rolled my eyes and watched my side of the screen, where a timer popped up and counted down 5 seconds before my character respawned.
It had been two weeks since our first date and by now Eren had almost moved in with me, considering the awfully big amount of time he spent here rather than at his home. If I didn't insist on my alone time from time to time and tell him to do something with his friends instead of me, he'd probably ask for a spare key soon and fill the shelves in my wardrobe with his clothes.
„Can I stay the night? I'm not really in the mood for a 30 minute drive back home", Eren mumbled and slid down the backrest into a lying position on my couch.
„Tch, if you want to fuck, just say it. There's no need to sugar coat that anymore", I growled and smashed my thumb down on the square button on the controller, making my character punch Eren's repeatedly in the face until he dropped dead on the floor.
„I didn't want to straight up ask for sex but- Hey! Not fair!" Eren whined and pretended to break his controller in half. He did that every time I killed him. Which happened to be a lot. „You could at least give me a chance for once!"
Eren made the pause menu pop up on the screen and I let out an annoyed sigh. „Don't be a sore loser, brat."
„I'm not a sore loser." He crossed his arms in front of his chest, the controller still in one of his hands, and pouted dramatically. „I'm just giving up because there's no way I can win this round anymore."
Our score was currently 280 to 10. You get 10 points for each kill and considering there were only 3 more minutes left for this round, I highly doubted that Eren could kill me twenty-seven times in that time.
„Fine, we'll quit. So what now?" I stood up from the armchair I was sitting in and walked over to the playstation, pushed the power button with my big toe because I didn't feel like bending down and turned it off like that.
„I don't know", Eren grumbled, sliding even further down the couch until he was basically sitting down on the floor and only his shoulders and head remained on the sofa.
„I expected a bit more creativeness from you, Eren." I made a big step towards him, reached out my hand and took the controller out of his hand to put it back into the basket underneath the TV table where it belonged, together with the one I had been using.
„You already know what I'd want to do." Eren curved his lips upwards and into a smirk.
I sighed and crossed my arms, leaning against the wall behind me. „Oh, do I? You never really told me what you wanted so how am I supposed to know? My wild guesses could be far off for all I know."
„Do I really have to say it?"
Over the past two weeks my sex life has been quite the opposite of boring. I guess that's what I get for accepting this young brat that was bursting with energy into my life. He was basically horny 24/7. And even though there were days I wasn't in the mood at all, Eren somehow managed to seduce me and we'd end up fucking like rabbits. And that almost every second day, if not even every day. Horny little bastard. What would I give to be as young and energetic as him again so I could maybe keep up with his excessive sex drive.
„Better say it to keep me from assuming things", I shrugged and gave him a challenging look.
„I want to be top again!"
My challenging look turned into a surprised one and then into a questioning one. „You do remember how that ended up the last time, right?"
„I do but how can I get any better if you don't let me practice?" He pleaded and shuffled back up on the couch, sitting down cross-legged.
„Tch, go get someone else to practice with?" I suggested with a roll of my eyes.
Why did I even say that?
A painful knot formed in my guts when I thought about him being with someone else besides me. We never exactly discussed what it was that was going on between us. After the first one we went on two more dates. Well, if you call those actual dates. I don't think either of us thought of them that way, we simply went out together and had fun. One time we went skinny dipping into the ocean in the dead of night and the other time Eren had thought it would be fun to invite me over to his place. Simply put, that didn't end well. Neither for me nor for his sister.
Nevertheless, neither of us had ever said what we were. Fuckbuddies? Lovers? We clearly weren't boyfriends yet what we were exactly, I didn't know and I don't think he did either.
„Why should I get someone else? I already have you." He silently faded out the sentence when he seemed to have realized what it had sounded like.
„So you only see me as an object for your fucking desire? To satisfy you, pleasure you? A sex machine?" I knew he didn't mean it that way but it had become my favorite pastime to fool him into thinking I was getting mad at him. I didn't need to put up much of an act, I always come off as pissed off anyway, and his reactions are always almost too adorable when he then starts to stutter and make up for his mistake.
„N-no, not at all! Levi, what are you talking about?" He laughed awkwardly, not noticing I was once again only messing with him. „I mean, of course you're like a sex god, but I also see you as a friend."
A friend. The word echoed through my mind and I repeated his sentence several times in my head.
‚I also see you as a friend.'
I looked at him, totally dumbfounded for a few seconds, before I found my voice again. „Butter my ass and call me a biscuit, I didn't expect that."
„That you're my friend?" He said it like he couldn't understand my confusion about it. He must have known how weird it is for me to see someone as my friend. And even weirder for someone to see me as their friend.
„Yeah, that."
„What else should you be?" Eren shrugged and made an attempt to put his feet up on the coffee table but an angry glare from me made him quickly overthink that action.
„We've known each other for three and a half weeks of which we spent one week hating the others guts and now you call me your friend?"
„We've been spending so much time together, we went on dates and mostly just hang around in your apartment playing video games, fooling around or messing up your bedsheets." Eren got up from the couch and walked around the coffee table, slowly approaching me. „By the way, I think it's weird how you're always free when I want to hang out, don't you have to work or something? Either way, over those past weeks you've become someone I'm really fond of, I like to talk to you and spend time with you. If that ain't friendship, then I'm clearly doing something wrong with my life."
„It's almost cute how easy it is for you to make friends," I muttered and met him halfway.
I looked up at him and he looked down at me. A soft smile played around his lips while I was chewing on my bottom lip, sliding my tongue along the safety pin.
„I guess I have a talent in making friends," he grinned and giggled quietly. „Do you accept me as your friend?"
„I don't think it's normal for friends to go on dates and fuck." I released my bottom lip from my teeth and arched my eyebrows up.
„Lovers?" He suggested carefully.
I let out a half hearted laugh, „Sorry kid, not even you would fall in love with someone after knowing them for three weeks. So lovers is clearly the wrong term here."
„Fine then smartypants. Why don't you enlighten me then and tell me what we are?" If he hadn't still been grinning, I would have thought he was getting pissed at me. Not that I would mind, he would get angry every now and then at the most stupidest things and by now I've learned to just ignore that. After a few minutes he would have calmed back down anyway.
„Fuckbuddies. Or friends with benefits, if you insist that we are friends now." I raised my hands and made quotation marks with my fingers.
„I can work with that", Eren nodded and placed his hands on my shoulders. „Any chance that I get you to accept our friendship before I leave?"
„I thought you wanted to stay the night and make me bottom for you again", I whispered, not exactly trying to sound seductive but I managed a blush to appear on Eren's cheeks nevertheless.
„Sure but-"
I placed a finger on his lips to make him stop talking. „Then stop stuttering around and go for it, I might actually make up my mind and allow you to have a second try", I muttered and leaned closer to him, our noses touching and our lips only a few inches apart.
My eyes were almost shut, I was only observing his face through my eyelashes, and my hands slid up his chest before grabbing the collar of his white shirt, ready to slam our lips together any second now.
„Levi", Eren breathed out and slide his hands down my shoulders, along my sides and rested them on my waist.
„What is it, Eren?" I mumbled, grazing my teeth along his bottom lip.
„I wasn't talking about leaving tonight." He slightly turned his head away, rejecting me and I was close to forcing him to kiss me already. I wasn't up for a chat right now. My body longed for his, there was no denying it, and I just wanted to fuck him into oblivion. Or him to fuck me if it had to be.
„Then what were you talking about? Out with it already, there's a lot of stuff I'd prefer doing right now than having a chat!" I hissed and slightly pulled away from him to take a look at his expression.
He had a look on his face that I had never seen before. And I had seen a lot of expressions on his face already. Every day with him was a rollercoaster ride, he'd change his mood every three minutes and it's sometimes hard to keep up with it. But right now, I could literally see him fighting with himself, whether to give in and just fuck me like I wanted him to or tell me whatever the fuck he needed to.
„Later." He simply said and his eyes found mine. Any worry that might have hooded his eyes before were gone, they were now shimmering with desire and lust, making me forget everything I just wanted to be angry about.
„Fine." I growled, tugging on his shirt to pull him closer to me again.
He gladly gave in and it didn't take long until we were a snogging bundle of bodies on my bed.
With a loud groan, Eren turned from his stomach around on his back. „You didn't have to be so hard on me."
„You were the one in charge, not me", I rolled my eyes and folded my arms behind my head. „No one forced you to bounce around like you're on a fucking rodeo. Even though I did enjoy it."
„Shut up", Eren giggled and softly smacked the back of his hand against my upper arm. „I probably looked the most unflattering ever, not to mention that compared to you I always look like a potato trying to be sexy."
I wanted to laugh at that but instead I just cleared my throat to cover up the small laugh I had let out by accident. It's not the time for him to hear me laugh yet. I don't think I would ever laugh in his presence. Not that I had nothing to laugh or grin about, the kid's enthusiasm and cheerful mood were highly contagious, I just didn't want to out of personal reasons. But oh how wrong I was.
„What was it that you wanted to tell me before we… got distracted?" I asked and turned my head to the side to look at him.
Eren sighed deeply and opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He shut it again and seemed to think, not knowing how to start. I slowly got the feeling that it wasn't something good he was about to tell me.
„We… we're leaving. We as in me, Mikasa, Armin and the others." He refused to look at me as he spoke but I stared right into his eyes, even if they weren't focused on me but on the ceiling above us.
„Why should you be leaving?" A frown formed on my forehead and I bit down on my bottom lip.
„Did you already forget? This is a work and travel trip, Levi. We work, and we travel. We've been working here for three weeks and now it's time to travel again."
I indeed did forget about that. More voluntarily than by accident. I had pushed that fact aside from the moment he had told me about it, not wanting to think about the fact that he would have to go one day or another.
„When?"
„The day after tomorrow, early in the morning."
„For how long were you planning this already?"
„One week."
I angrily balled my fists, my fingernails digging into the palm of my hand. „Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
„I… don't know", Eren admitted, his voice barely a whisper. „Whenever I had the chance to, we were having such a good time and I didn't want to spoil the mood."
„So you thought now would be the perfect opportunity? What the fuck, Eren?" I hissed, gritting my teeth and clenching my jaw. „If not now, would you have even told me at all? Or would you have been gone all of the sudden and three days later you'd text me ‚Hey Levi! I'm in Los Angeles!' and send a picture of your fucking grinning face on the walk of fame as an attachment?!"
„Levi-"
„Shut it, I don't want to hear any of your poor excuses!" My body moved on its own, sitting up and leaving the bed even though that I wanted to do right now was embrace him and make him stay. But my body had decided to go into defensive mode, protecting me from any possible harm and putting a physical and mental distance between Eren and me. A sharp pain spread through my body, starting in my chest and turning into a sickening feeling in my guts. Whatever that was, I didn't like it.
„I don't even have an excuse, poor or not. All I can do is ask for you to simply forgive me and make the last day we have as pleasant as possible." He was looking completely crestfallen, knowing that he had fucked up this time.
„Forgive you? Like snap", I snapped my fingers in the air, „and it's all forgiven and forgotten? Who the fuck do you think I am?"
I had already been mad at him before, those several times that I had met him, hated him and had been angry at him for mere existing. But his time it was different.
It hurt.
It fucking hurt.
„Can I still stay the night?" Eren asked carefully and I shot him a furious glare.
„Knock yourself out, I don't give a shit. You'll be gone by tomorrow anyway", I snapped at him, grabbed my boxer shorts that were lying on the floor and left the room, wanting to slam the door dramatically shut as I left but the door was too far opened to reach it as I walked past it.
„Levi, wait!" I heard him jump up from the bed, the slated frame creaking quietly as he did, and jog after me. „Please!"
„Please what?" I spun around on my heals, giving him an ice cold death stare. „Please forgive me? Please let me go without causing drama? Please don't have hurt feelings because I'm being a douche?" My voice got louder with every word.
„Please calm down", Eren mumbled and looked down at his feet. Both of us were still naked, he made a faint attempt at covering himself up out of embarrassment while I stepped into my boxer shorts and pulled them up.
„I am calm", I hissed and turned back around, stomping into the living room and starting to tidy up the remains of our gaming session.
„You're the opposite of calm!"
„I'LL SHOW YOU CALM, YOU FUCKING TWAT!" I yelled at him. I didn't want to yell. I didn't even want to be angry. But the defensive mode was activated and whatever I wanted was unimportant now. My mind defended itself on its own, not realizing that it was causing an even bigger drama.
I wanted to pick up some of the trash that was scattered around the room but I couldn't move. A pair or warm arms had wrapped around me form behind and didn't show any sign of letting me go any time soon.
„Let me go", I growled, clenching my fists even though it would be useless, I wouldn't be able to move my arms anyway. At least not without hurting Eren.
„I won't let you go until you calmed the fuck down." His voice was smooth, not furious and loud like mine.
„Why… why is it that all the people that I get attached to leave me?" I was taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself and ignore the aching pain in my chest.
„That's not true. You have Erwin, Petra and Hanji. They're not leaving you, are they?" Eren placed his chin on my shoulder and my already aching heart started to pound even faster.
„That's different. They're my friends. You are… I don't even know what the fuck you are. But I'm attached to you in a different way than to them. And now you're leaving, just like all the other people I had feelings for and I haven't even smiled at you yet!"
„What does smiling have to do with people leaving you?" He gently smooched his head against mine and I found myself leaning in to it.
„Remember when I told you I don't smile, laugh or hug people because of one particular reason?" His embrace around me tightened and I felt him nod slowly in response. „Actually, there's two reasons."
„And they are..?"
I wiggled my shoulders, making him drop his arms around me, and took a few steps away from him again, distancing myself. My defensive mode was wearing off but I still didn't feel comfortable being that close to him.
I turned around and looked him dead in the eye. He looked back at me, worry and regret written all over his face. „Reason number one; To me, smiling is a sign of weakness. Smiles are said to be light of ones soul. I don't like showing people this light, unless they really deserved it. Reason number two; Whoever saw me smiling, left me. Simple as that. That's why I don't smile. And you're leaving as well now so what do I have to lose?"
Everything inside of me was reluctant to do it. It had been years, too many years, since I had curved my lips into a smile.
It felt weird to smile after all this time.
But I smiled.
For Eren.
Because even after all the hate and anger he had caused me - he deserved to see it.