Just a quick warning that there won't be much romance for about seven chapters. Eek, that'll be hard for me haha, I'm a sucker for romance ;D Gotta get things to start moving towards canon :P

PASSAGE OF HESITANCE
The Order of the Phoenix

After the Christmas holidays, everyone was starting to stress about the upcoming NEWTs. Every teacher thought to scare them by telling them that if they hadn't already started revising every day, then they were going to be in trouble when the exams came along.

Sirius didn't really believe what they were saying but nevertheless decided it was probably time to start doing some studying in his free periods. James had decided to do the same, which had helped his relationship with Lily.

A month of heavy revision and no social lives later, and Sirius and James had decided they weren't cut out for studying.

"It's just not us," James said, snapping his heavy Potions book closed and resting his head on it. "It's more of a Remus thing."

"I don't know how he does it," Sirius said, closing his own book. "He's been revising for years. We couldn't even do it for a month!"

"How about we revise a month before the exams?" James proposed. "Because I think I'll die if we carry on like this every day."

"Deal," Sirius said, throwing his books carelessly into his bags. "Besides, we have Quidditch coming up."

Tomorrow was the Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff match and they needed to win it to catch up with Slytherin.

James and Sirius stood up and started making their way out of the library when Sirius saw something out of the corner of his eyes. He stopped walking and hesitantly turned around to see if what he thought he had seen had been real.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" James asked, turning around.

Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head. "Nothing," he replied, turning away from Remus and Will, who were sitting at the table in the far corner of the library, holding hands and whispering to each other.

James peered over to see what Sirius had been looking at and frowned. "Oh."

"Let's just go, James," Sirius said, pulling his best friend out of the library hastily. When they reached the common room, Sirius dropped down on one of the sofas and let out a deep sigh.

James smiled sympathetically nudged Sirius. "Hey, at least he looks happy now. Right?"

"Yeah," Sirius nodded, staring into the fire. "They deserve each other. Will's a good guy."

James raised his eyebrows. "Did you really just say that?"

Sirius laughed and nodded. "Weird, huh?"

"Hey guys," Peter said, coming to join them on the sofas. "I see you've finally given up on revising."

James snorted. "Did you really think we'd last any longer? One more day of that and I'd probably end up killing myself."

Peter laughed and nodded in agreement. "Uh, guys? I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"Go on," Sirius said, happy to take his mind off of what he'd seen in the library.

"Well, we'll be leaving Hogwarts soon," Peter said. "And I was wondering if you guys would want for us all to buy a flat together."

Sirius thought about it for a moment. Sharing a flat with James, Remus and Peter. While he couldn't deny it would be fun, he decided it would be pretty awkward living with Remus considering the circumstances.

"I think that would be great," Sirius said. "But I can't share a flat with Remus. You know why."

"And well, Lily and I are going to buy a flat together," James said awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with Peter, who sighed.

"It's fine, guys," he said. "I can't afford a flat by myself, and if I can't get a flat I'll have to stay with Mum and Dad."

"Ew," Sirius said. "I'll move into a flat with you as long as it's just us two and not Remus."

Peter beamed at him. "Yeah, that's cool."

Sirius smiled back and decided that this was probably the best idea. Living alone wasn't something he was ready for. He wondered whether Remus and Will would move in together. His heart ached a little at the thought.

Remus entered the common room seconds later looking very distracted by a piece of parchment in his hand.

"Oi Remus!" James called from the other side of the common room. Remus glanced up and made his way over, sitting down on one of the empty sofas.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "Didn't see you guys. Prefect stuff," he said, holding up the parchment.

"What's on it?" Peter asked.

"Professor Dumbledore wants to see a few people in his office tomorrow at 7," Remus said.

"Who?" James asked. "Why?"

"He wants to see us four," Remus said, glancing only for a brief second at Sirius and then back at the parchment in his hand. "Lily, Mary, Alice, Frank, Dorcas and Marlene."

"Why?"

"It doesn't say why. I think there are more people from other houses that have been asked to come as well," Remus replied. "You don't think we're in trouble, do you?"

"No way," James said. "Why would all of the seventh year Gryffindors be in trouble?"

"Hmm," Remus said distractedly. "I'm going to let the other five know. See you later."

"I wonder what that's about?" James asked.

"Who knows?"

##

The next morning was a blur, as everybody was getting ready for the Quidditch match. Sirius couldn't wait to get back onto his broom – it had been far too long. He was also scared. Hufflepuff had a really strong team this year and he was worried that they'd lose on their last year at Hogwarts.

"Are you ready for this?" James asked him as they headed down to breakfast.

"Hell yeah," Sirius said. "We're going to win."

"That's the spirit," James said with a grin. They sat down near Peter and Remus, and helped themselves to breakfast.

"Good luck today," Peter said with a smile.

"Thanks."

Just as they were about to get up, the owls started flying in with the mail. An unfamiliar bird flew towards Sirius and dropped an envelope down in front of him.

Peter and James looked at him expectantly, while Remus continued to pretend that he and Sirius weren't even sitting at the same table.

Sirius opened the letter.

'Sirius,

Wouldn't it be nice if Hufflepuff won for once?

You're not playing today, and neither is James. Not unless you both want to be in Azkaban.

Oh yes, I know he's an animagus too. It would be a shame if you both got locked up.

Regulus.'

Sirius sighed and slammed the letter down on the table. "Read it," he said to James, who looked concerned. He watched as James read through the letter.

"How the hell does he know about me?" James asked, looking furious.

"I don't know," Sirius said.

"Well this is fucking brilliant!" James said. "Real amazing."

"What's up?" Peter asked. James handed him the letter, and Remus and Peter scanned it quickly.

"What are we going to do?" Sirius asked.

"I'll stand in for one of you," Peter volunteered quickly. "I've never tried Quidditch before but I might be good."

James let out a frustrated groan. "We're going to lose!"

"Pete, can you stand in for me?" Sirius asked. "You have good eye sight – hopefully that'll help you catch the snitch."

"I'll try," Peter said, looking slightly nervous.

"Remus, you'll stand in for me, right?" James asked, looking desperate.

"I'm sure there's someone else-"

"-Please, Remus? For me?" James said.

Remus sighed and nodded. "Okay, but don't blame me if we lose. I've never played as Keeper in my life."

"You'll be great!" James said, sounding more confident than he looked.

##

It was harder to convince Professor McGonagall why James and Sirius couldn't play in the match. They'd come up with the excuse that they were both feeling really ill and that there was no way that they could play. She'd looked unconvinced and very annoyed, but let them off the hook. The only condition was that they'd have to stay in the hospital wing and miss the match.

"I wonder how it's going?" James asked from the bed next to Sirius.

"We're going to lose," Sirius replied. "It's Remus and Peter."

"They might be better than we think," James said hopefully.

"I played Quidditch with Remus once," Sirius said. "He was playing Beater but he was awful. Trust me, we're going to lose."

"Do you think that Regulus is going to send you more letters like that?" James asked.

"I don't know. It's not like we can even do anything about it either. He's blackmailing us."

"If we ever found him, we could obliviate him," James said.

"If we ever find him," Sirius said, looking annoyed. "We'll never find him."

"But if we do find him, obliviating him is a good plan, right?

"Definitely," Sirius replied.

##

When James and Sirius were finally allowed out of the hospital wing that night, they ran straight up to the common room to hear the news about the match.

When they walked in, they didn't even need to ask. Everybody was cheering, and Peter was being thrown in the air by a group of fifth years. He had a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand and was screaming "we did it!".

James grinned and ran over to congratulate Peter. "Well done, mate! I can't thank you enough."

Sirius walked towards Remus, who was by the window playing a game of exploding snap with Frank Longbottom.

"Congrats," Sirius said quietly to Remus, who looked up at him.

"Oh," Remus said. "Uh, thanks."

"Thanks for helping us out today," Sirius said. "It means a lot."

"It wasn't for you," Remus replied, turning back to his game. "I was protecting James."

Sirius nodded. "Well... see you later."

Remus ignored him, and Sirius walking back over to where James was. "We have to see Dumbles soon," he said.

"Oh yeah," James said.

##

When the ten Gryffindors who had been called to see Professor Dumbledore arrived at the headmaster's office, they were joined by five seventh year Hufflepuffs and five seventh year Ravenclaws.

Everybody seemed to be as confused as they were.

"I guess we aren't in trouble, then," Joanna Knight from Ravenclaw whispered to her friend. "Not if the head boy and girl are here too."

Sirius spotted Will, who grabbed Remus's hand and smiled.

"Do you know what's going on?" Frank asked James, Sirius and Peter who all shrugged.

"Ah, you're all here," Professor Dumbledore said from behind them. They all turned around to see the headmaster smiling down at them with that twinkle in his eyes. "Let us all proceed upstairs to my office, then."

Two-by-two, they all made their ways up into Dumbledore's office and gathered around to hear what the headmaster had to say.

"You're probably all wondering why I've called you here tonight," he said. There were a few murmurs around the room. "Well, I wanted to inform you of something you may be interested in after you finish Hogwarts."

Sirius and James exchanged excited glances and then looked back at Professor Dumbledore.

"I must warn you though, that what I am about to tell you is very top secret, so before I speak to you about it, I will need you all to promise that what I say to you tonight will remain only amongst the people in this room."

Everybody in the room looked at each other, so as to confirm who was in there with them.

"Alright," Professor Dumbledore said. "As you know, Lord Voldemort has been recruiting people to become what they like to call themselves 'Death Eaters'. People are starting to fear that there's going to be a war on our hands."

"What does that have to do with us?" asked a girl in Hufflepuff – Shannon Bowler.

"I have asked you all here tonight for a similar reason. I'd like to recruit."

A confused murmur travelled around the room.

"The Order of the Phoenix is a secret society. We are working to bring Lord Voldemort down, but to do that we'll need more members. I've brought you all here as I believe that you twenty would be perfect for the job. Of course, you may turn this opportunity down but you must swear not to speak of it to anybody."

Sirius glanced at James, who was wearing an excited smile. Sirius understood the smile as he was wearing the exact same one. They were definitely going to join.

"So where do we sign if we want to join?" Marlene asked eagerly, before anybody else spoke.

Professor Dumbledore smiled. "I can't ask you to join today. I can ask that you all take a month or so to think about it, and then you may let me know. Thank you for coming to see me, and I will arrange for another meeting a month from now to see if we have any volunteers. Good night."

They all filed out of Dumbledore's office and gathered together in the corridor, speaking in loud whispers.

"No way I'm joining!" Tina Baker said angrily. "And neither are you, Kelly," she said to her sister. "It's a death trap!"

"It's Dumbledore we're talking about here," Lily said to them quickly. "Is he really going to let us get hurt?"

"Everyone is prone to making mistakes. This could be Dumbledore's biggest mistake," Michael Applebee from Ravenclaw said, folding his arms.

"Oh come on, Mike," Will said. "It'll be fun. I'll join if you join."

"Well I'm not joining," Mary McDonald said, looking frightened. "I don't want to be anywhere near any Death Eaters."

"What kind of Gryffindor are you?" Frank said, looking at her in astonishment.

"A Gyffindor that wants to be a Healer, not a hero," Mary snapped back, looking annoyed.

"We really shouldn't be talking about this here," Remus whispered loudly. "Dumbledore said it was top secret."

"Remus is right," James said.

"Why is Lupin even here?" asked Kelly Baker. "He's a werewolf. Surely he's not one to trust."

Remus took a step back, looking hurt. "Leave him alone," Sirius said quietly, glaring at the Hufflepuff. "He has every right to be here."

"Well," said Tina Baker. "If he's joining, then we won't be."

The two sisters stalked off down the corridor, leaving the rest of them all huddled together.

"I never liked them much anyway," said Xenophilius Lovegood. "They once told me I was mad."

Sirius looked away, in hope that he wouldn't start laughing. Of course Xenophilius Lovegood was mad – he spent hours a day cleansing the corridors of 'Nargles'.

"We should probably get going back to our dormitories," Lily said finally. "People will start to get suspicious if we all-"

"-Do you think it's a good idea?" Shannon from Hufflepuff asked Peter.

"I think it's a great idea," Peter replied, turning pink. Girls didn't usually talk to him. Shannon smiled and nodded.

"Me too."

Everyone watched them for a moment before James broke the silence. "Well, Lily's right. We should all go back now."

As the Ravenclaws started to leave, Will planted a kiss on Remus's head and whispered something to him, which made Remus smile. The Hufflepuffs left, with Shannon waving shyly at Peter, who waved back with a dopey grin on his face.

Finally, the Gryffindors decided to leave. When they reached their dormitory, Peter sighed happily.

"I'm going to ask her out tomorrow," he said.

"Who?" Remus asked. "Shannon Bowler?"

"Yes."

"I think she likes you," Sirius said.

"She definitely likes you," Lily said with a smile. "Go for it."

Peter grinned and nodded. "What about you, Sirius? I think you should ask somebody out. You've been single for a while now."

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "I'd rather be single for a while," he said.

And it was true. Although it hurt to watch Remus with Will, he decided he'd rather be single waiting for the one he loved rather than in a relationship with someone he didn't love. He'd wait forever for Remus, but somehow he thought that even forever wouldn't be enough.

###