I lied in a warm bed next to my love, fingers connected and hands well intertwined. I was occupied within my own body, my thoughts possessing my lips but keeping all the sound upon my tongue. My flesh was barren of its usual garments and coded in a layer of passionate sweat.

Attention was very much alive. I knew the act I had committed as the toes upon my feet and didn't sum it to a dream, or bury it under a snowfall of ignorance. My emotions were soaking within an ugly basin of confused guilt, the water they drowned in becoming filthy with my own putrid thoughts and the desire for the man nearly asleep at my side.

"Gilbert…What have we done?"

At first, no response allowed its presence, but a whisper came from the beaten sheets and strong arms adopted me as a lost child.

"…I don't know, Elizaveta…" A pair of compact lips placed a brand upon my neck. "…But I've wanted to be close to you for so long…I'm not even sure if I should feel horrible or be overjoyed…"

"…I know love…" My heart was suffocated by just as much conflict. "There's an awful guilt wriggling around under my skin, and I feel like if I scratch at it, it'll simply become worse…" My lids restricted vision. "I was so upset with him…But, goodness… he shouldn't have an adulteress for a wife…"

My Prussian's response stole a few uncomfortable seconds. "I'm sorry, darling."

"…Gilbert?"

"Yes?"

"Have…have you come all this way only wanting me…? I'm certain the idea has crossed your mind before now, and we could very well leave this home without anyone having even an inkling…"

"How could you even think such an awful thing of me? I left a crying Ludwig with an old vulture to make sure you were alright and Roderich hadn't beaten you, or something awful…Of course I didn't come all the way to this idiotic city just to make love to you…Eli, you came upstairs knowing I was going to bathe. Have I touched you in any inappropriate manner before you offered yourself to me?

"…No, you haven't."

"Of course not. I know I'm not much of a gentleman, but I'm not going to make you feel uncomfortable around me…I've loved you far too long to have you run from me for such a stupid purpose…"

Seconds were taken for thought to flood the space between my temples. I licked my bottom lip and once again projected a quiet voice. "I'm sorry, Gilbert…I had to be certain." My nerves lost their tense holds and my limbs relaxed against his embrace. "Why was Ludwig crying?"

"He had cut his knee…I'm not even sure if I could say cut. It was spurting blood like a fountain before I left…He usually doesn't cry easily, but it wasn't a little accident…" A sigh. "I hope he's alright. I waited as long as I could before my carriage left…"

"I'm certain he's fine. Children seem to heal quickly…"

"Hmm…"

My eyes closed and I was subdued to a near blanket of sleep, sewn together with well wishes and embroidered with a bit of guilt.

We had made love until our forms could no longer function. My limbs were devoid of their fuel, and I was beginning to long for home. These shameful scars would have to wither before I could even be near that damn husband of mine…

"Eli…"

"Hmm?" My weak veil of dreams was torn by a merciless pair of claws.

"Are you going to tell your husband?"

A legitimate worry…

"No, I'm not. I'm certain that if I did, I wouldn't be allowed your letters anymore, because it would be obvious it was you who sent them…If I couldn't even have that I think I'd be happier in my grave…"

"Don't say such things…"

"I'm sorry, Gilbert…but it's true. Where would my life be without you? You're as cardinal as my heart…This marriage was bearable before only because I received your words…I've kept all the letters you've sent me. And they're even right under my bed…"

"How can they be there?"

"I found a box that came with a lock and key…and there's nothing else kept beneath those sheets, so there's no reason to search there. They key is hidden within my wardrobe as well…"

"I've kept your letters too, but I haven't hidden them…they're spread out over my desk, so I can look at them daily." I was given a kiss. "I'm really no good with organizing anything, anyway… but you were aware of that…"

My eyes were beginning to struggle to even stay open. "…You're amusing, darling. Perhaps that's why I love you so…or just a single reason…"

"I love you too, Elizaveta…"

"Gilbert…" My energy was running from me and leaving my battered form to sleep within a cold room. "Will you stay a few more days?"

"Of course." Another touch for my naked skin.

"Thank you…"

That night, my husband took my dreams as a tyrant and shook my world with guilt. It was a simple dream. He was sitting within his office, wearing an expression of utter sorrow. Certainly, he was aware of my affair with Gilbert Weillschmidt, although I had no recollection of anyone giving him such information, not even my own mouth. I entered the chamber and stole him within my sight, my lips barren of any life. Some part of me was overflowing with regret and just as much sorrow. There was so much anger, more so afflicted at myself than anyone else, and no matter how enflamed my emotions became, my mouth was a solid line that would not be moved. I wanted to tear it open, but my hands were just as frozen; my fingers so very desperate, but became stable as ice sculptures in the coldest corner of this earth.

And in my frustration, I sobbed, my message in the form of liquid fire that seared a path from my eye lids to my chin. No matter how obvious my display became, Roderich was stone. He acted as if there was no distressed woman before him, and no room around him. A simple enigma composed of nothing…

I awoke with a mist coding my vision and an empty space at my side.

My god. What had I done?

My rage had been so willing to destroy my husband in an implacable inferno, but truly, there is no correct reason for my blatant unfaithfulness. Roderich would have never done the same while my back was turned to him. That Austrian I had been cursing so foully was one of the kindest men I had known, and despite those words so saturated in venom, he adored me and I adored him just as heavily. I had also spewed hateful things, which forced the rage from those usually decadent lips in a knee-jerk reaction.

And he likely regretted those blackened statements just as much as I had provoking them.

When one agitates a snake, a bite can be anticipated…

I loved Gilbert… but I loved my husband, and I loved him enough to despise myself for making such an ill-thought choice.

His fears and upset were so very rational…

And I was frigid as ice…and so inconsiderate.

Truly, my body and mind cried for home, but I was bound by each and every shameful blister Gilbert had created upon my flesh.

I wanted to apologize…to simply hold my husband and tell him how extremely sorry I was; to tell him how very close and dear to my heart he was and how strong my affections were for him…

But as so many times before I was locked within a type of protocol, this one being time's dungeon. I found my body to be held by aggressive purple chains, and I had to wonder how long it would be before they crumbled.

My eyes were filled with fervid tears, and my flesh was nude, my body alone…My Gilbert had escaped somewhere, and my cries fell to fictional ears.