A/N: So I feel the need to apologize for the ending of the last chapter. As I've already mentioned to a couple people, I wasn't exactly sure how to end the scene - I had two options in my head - so I decided posting something was better than not posting it at all. Anyway, I tried to get this up quickly. Hopefully it is worth the wait :)
Thanks so much for all those who continue to review, you really do make my day.
Twenty-Six
Fireworks.
Like the colours of the rainbow—no pun intended—exploding behind her very eyes. Admittedly, Rachel didn't have much experience in kissing—just her first kiss at theatre camp and Finn Hudson—but that didn't make this any less wonderful.
Soft lips were sliding frantically against her own and Rachel was suddenly so sorry for making it seem like this was all going to end when she's been too shocked to kiss the blonde back. Things like this just didn't happen for her—not really, not without some type of ulterior motive—and Rachel had (quite frankly) learned that the hard way. And hearing such a thing from Quinn too, Rachel just couldn't bear the thought of it so she kissed her back until Quinn pulled away, panting against her lips.
Pale hands tangled themselves in brunette locks and hazel eyes fluttered open just to stare. Her gaze swept across Rachel's face with the ease of an anxious caress, turning darker and darker as the seconds ticked by; their brilliant green tinge slowly dulling down to a muted rusty gold until finally the blonde pulled away all together.
"Why aren't you saying anything?" Quinn whispered, now fully leaning against the passenger side door, as far away as she could possibly be. "I thought…I want you to say something now."
Rachel opened her mouth, proceeding to open and close it rather uselessly in an attempt to encourage some semblance of sound to come out. Because she wanted to—by God Rachel had so much she wanted to say—but kissing Quinn had quite possibly changed everything.
It made it all too obvious how far she'd fallen.
Rachel had thought those rose coloured glasses had been shattered by Finn—just useless broken glass underneath her feet—but there she was staring at Quinn and Rachel was willing to do it all again, had been doing it, just seconds ago.
But she couldn't, not anymore.
She just needed to know and then maybe when Quinn inevitably changed her mind it wouldn't hurt so much like it had with Finn.
And just like that, the tiny Diva had miraculously found her voice. "I apologize, admittedly such a situation as this doesn't occur for me in the everyday. I'd very much like to continue kissing you but I find myself needing to know what this is."
Quinn unfortunately didn't move away from the door—her back was still pressed against it like she was ready to run at any moment if Rachel even made a move to get closer—but the brunette was pleased to note that the anxious air around the blonde had been effectively snuffed.
Instead, Quinn looked incited enough to kill—her—which was something that didn't actually seem at all promising now that she thought about it. The blonde did have a tendency to look somewhat manic at the best of times, something Rachel had heard Finn refer to as 'scary Quinn' while he ran away from the girl in the halls at school.
"What this is?" Quinn murmured lowly, though Rachel was almost positive she'd heard a distinctive growl at the end. "I kissed you, Berry! How the hell can you ask me that?"
The pale hands that were once in her hair were now fist-shaped balls in Quinn's lap. Rachel bit her lip, trying to quell her first instinct of backing down because she hadn't meant to upset the girl. Through, she supposed it came with the territory and the fact that Quinn apparently was under the impression that a kiss would suffice in a situation such as this.
"Well," Rachel employed a few quick breathing techniques to calm her own temper down as it started to fester at the very thought of Quinn's presumption, "I simply feel like it is in my right to know why you kissed me, especially when you were actively screening my calls a week ago. Is that so much to ask?"
Quinn looked away—out the window—and her shoulders deflated with a long exhale of air. "Brittany made this sound so much easier."
The mumbled words had Rachel tilting her head just noticeably to the side. "I suppose that's what she said to get you to come over that day?"
Quinn nodded and shyly turned to look up into Rachel's eyes. "She accidently told me that you'd figured out it was me on MySpace because she thought I already knew because Lord Tubbington posted it on his Twitter page. She told me that…"
The blush dusting Quinn's cheeks had Rachel captivated instantly, though admittedly Quinn Fabray didn't have to do much at all to have her heart beating wildly in her chest.
"Told you what?" whispered Rachel, as she slowly reached over to grasp Quinn's hand in her own.
The blonde looked down at their hands and Rachel tried to pull away—undoubtedly thinking she'd made the girl uncomfortable—until Quinn squeezed her hand just enough to get her to stop moving.
Then she looked up. "She told me I could have you if I wanted to. That all I had to do was kiss you like she kissed Santana."
Rachel's eyes noticeably narrowed. "Like she kissed Santana? That doesn't even explain half of what I went through to get those two to that point! Santana is completely deranged. I feared for my life daily and fended off threats of being vengefully accosted and forcefully shoved into a popcorn box just to teach her the lyrics to one verse of an indubitably catchy Kelly Clark—"
Fireworks.
And this time Rachel didn't hesitate to kiss back, something that had Quinn desperately trying to climb into her lap. Rachel reluctantly broke the kiss and pushed the blonde gently back into her seat.
Quinn was blushing cutely, yet again charming poor Rachel's heart into complete submission. The tiny Diva honestly hadn't stood a chance.
"Sorry," the blonde mumbled, lip caught between her front teeth as her eyes dropped to her lap and then shot back up. "How did you know it was me? I was careful and made sure I never said anything to reveal my identity to anyone, especially you."
Rachel sighed because quite honestly this answer was quite the convoluted one. Still, they were talking—really talking—without the anonymity of a username and a computer screen. She wasn't socially inept enough to sabotage that, even in her darkest (most callow) hour.
She needed to at least try to offer something.
"I had no knowledge it was you until Brittany told me that she recognized your username, not that I hadn't consciously imagined it was you anyway." Quinn seemed unhealthily focused on their joined hands and Rachel wondered if she said something wrong. Still she hurried to finish her thought. "At first I didn't believe her because, well I suppose the thought was too good to be true. Just like right now, I'm just having a hard time understanding how somebody as wonderful as you could be making almost all my dreams come true, since I haven't yet reached my inevitable destiny of superstardom."
Quinn's head snapped up and Rachel's eyes widened when she saw the tears.
She felt the blonde pulling her hand away and Rachel was inwardly berating herself for her total uselessness in regards to relating to the human race (in its entirety) when Quinn spoke, "This is why I… you're amazing Rachel and I don't deserve this. I'm a horrible person. All I do is hurt people and—"
"No, you don't, Quinn." Rachel reached over and desperately grabbed for Quinn's hands. "You made a mistake and if people can't see it in their hearts to forgive you that isn't your fault. You're not horrible and quite honestly, as I've previously just said, I think you're wonderful. More than if I'm being perfectly—"
Rachel was beginning to quite like being interrupted with a healthy dose of Quinn's inspired fireworks, except there was one thing that…
Rachel reluctantly pulled away.
"Quinn I think that—" Apparently, the blonde didn't agree much to Rachel's chagrin, "Quinn, please just—" This time the tiny Diva attempted to be more proactive and was actively holding Quinn away by the shoulders. "Quinn, I can't let this continue, not with the cows that will be plaguing my dreams with their angry mooing for my betrayal of—"
"Berry, what are you talking about? I'm pregnant and moody and I want to kiss you right now so can you dial back the crazy just for a few more minutes?"
Quinn was petulantly glaring at her—within kissing distance—and dear Barbra Rachel almost gave in to the blonde's every whim until she swore a faint mooing could be heard in the distance. She quickly leaned over to the glove box—popping it open with only a moderate flourish—and quickly held out a pack of gum to Quinn.
"I will require two minutes of chewing, one minute per stick of gum before we can commence our extracurricular activities." Rachel paused, watching as Quinn looked at the packet of gum incredulously before she added, "The cows really do insist."
Quinn angrily snatched the package mumbling a quick—stupid Berry—under her breath as she began to chew.
They were back to kissing in (exactly) two minutes—because Quinn had been very adamant Rachel keep time—and when the blonde again tried to climb into her lap, Rachel was quick to helpfully push the front seat back, as a peace offering of sorts, of course.
Rachel's eyes suddenly snapped open, her sleep-aided brain disoriented as it searched the dark for some sign of where she was until she remembered. Smiling, she glanced beside her where—even in the dark—Quinn was undoubtedly curled up, snoring softly. They'd fallen asleep—side-by-side—holding hands, something so undeniably chaste after the carnal desires that had densely fogged the windows of her car early this morning.
The blonde hadn't wanted to go back to Noah's, so Rachel had softly offered an invitation to stay with her. Those nerve-racking few seconds when Quinn had just silently stared at her flew through her mind's eye until the unmistakable sound of the doorbell interrupted long enough to break the memory.
Maybe that was why she'd woken up.
It was still relatively early and while Rachel would admittedly be two hours into the new day at any other time, staying up almost all of the night with Quinn had her more inclined to be asleep at eight in the morning.
Her fathers would be at work by now though and her auntie was a very deep sleeper—aided by an impressive set of custom made ear plugs—until ten, so their surprise guest was unfortunately left to her.
Sighing, Rachel detangled her hand from Quinn's—who cutely scrunched up her face in response—and quickly made it to the front door. If it was those poorly informed—vegan ignorant—chocolate sellers again, Rachel vowed to end them.
Except, when she finally opened the door, Rachel was quick to eat her words and desperately wish for them back.
Anything but… Finn.
Because she didn't want to do this, especially not now as she watched him teeter dangerously on her front porch. Rachel wondered briefly if these blatant balance issues were the root cause for his dreadful dancing but quickly shook the thought away in the face of her seemingly surging annoyance.
"I told you I didn't want to see you, Finn," she sighed and his eyes quickly turned on their wounded puppy dog charm. "I thought you could respect that at least."
He thankfully stopped teetering, as he anxiously stepped closer to her, something Rachel quickly thwarted by stepping outside and shutting the door.
Surprised by her move, Finn stepped back instinctively, something Rachel inwardly celebrated until he started talking. "I'm sorry, Rach. I tried to but I just miss you and I kept thinking about our kiss and I know it is something worth fighting for, so I'm going to—"
"No, you're not going to be fighting for anything involving you and I," she exclaimed, angrily striking his chest with a very pointed finger. "Does it not bother you at all that this relationship you've convinced yourself you want is built on mistrust and deceit?"
"You're wrong. That kiss wasn't a lie. I know you felt something just like me. Why are you punishing me?" His attempts at persuasion quickly turned into a whiny plea and Rachel just bit back a sigh as her hand dropped to her side. "We can be together just like—"
"I can't trust you, Finn. I can't just forget all the times you broke my heart just because you want me now. I…" Rachel trailed off, looking down at his chest, as Finn visibly shook in an effort to not wince at her recent heated pokes. "Before this would've been enough, it wouldn't have mattered that we'd be doomed to repeat this whole apologetic scene in a months time because I'd have you and I convinced myself that was enough—"
"It is, Rach," he cut in and his earnest face made her heart skip a beat. He was still so handsome, the leading man she used to dream about. "Girlfriends and boyfriends are all about fighting and making up. I might not be perfect like you think this other guy is or whatever but I know I love you more. I just know it."
Rachel looked into his eyes and it was so easy to remember why he was so important to her. When she'd been packing that seduction picnic—humming along to Don't Stop Believing, something she'd foolishly dubbed as their song—all those moments where he'd stare at her and make her feel like she was wanted had flittered through her head.
His eyes would get just a shade lighter and just a smidge rounder as if they were rediscovering her all over again. He'd give her that half grin and Rachel would feel like she was the prettiest girl in the entire world.
Only now, it just served in making her despondent because when she'd slapped him in that hallway Rachel had lost that connection as well. Finn Hudson was supposed to be her everything and now he was just a lowly conciliation prize.
And that was when she realized that their friendship was tainted too deeply to save because he was still looking at her the same way, as the girl that wanted sex just as much as boys do. Rachel suspected it was because she didn't want him back—as it was the only suitable explanation for this moment—the more she pushed him away, the more he pushed back.
But then, what he'd said might've certainly been true.
Rachel sighed. "I don't doubt you think you love me, Finn and at the present time it could be much more than this person I've chosen to pursue but that doesn't change the fact that we just aren't compatible. I've moved on and I suggest you do as well. I'll be frank and just say that there is nothing for you here. I hope this serves in allowing you to finally understand that your affections are not wanted and I ask that you please try and direct them somewhere where they are welcome."
He almost violently shook his head, stepping closer with an almost desperate shake in his step. "But Rach—"
"No, Finn," she interrupted and her eyes visibly hardened because he'd finally pushed a little too far. "I'm finished with this back and forth. Quite honestly, you screwed up. You lied to me numerous times for your own personal gain with little regard for the consequences and I can't get past it. Nothing is going to change my mind and I will again express how much I don't want to hear from you. If I ever do, I'll know where to find you, so now I will kindly ask you to leave my front porch."
The boy looked visibly distraught and Rachel felt exceedingly guilty. She'd always care about him—in a sense he'd been her first love—it was just unfortunately not enough.
"Fine, whatever but you'll regret it Rach," he mumbled and dragged himself lethargically into his mother's car.
Rachel watched him drive away—with a few previously unshed tears finally glistening her cheeks—as she whispered, "Goodbye, Finn."
Quinn seemed hopelessly baffled as Rachel talked her through the preparation of Mrs. Pierce's vegan Macaroni and Cheese. More specifically, it seemed to be the lack of cheese and real butter—the main ingredients in a three-ingredient dish that Rachel already knew Quinn enjoyed rather ravenously. The tiny brunette watched the frowning blonde listlessly poke at the leftover block of soy cheese with the end of a knife and rolled her eyes.
"Quinn, you can't be serious," she sighed and said blonde proceeded to again accost the—now positively marred—soy cheese block with a particularly violent stab. "Please just try it. I assure you it's quite delicious."
The girl shook her head but she did thankfully relinquish her weapon to its rightful place on the counter. "But it looks like milky Jell-O."
Dear sweet Barbra, Rachel even found this—admittedly infuriating—Quinn delightful.
"But it doesn't taste that way," Rachel melodically trilled, a sound that had the sulky blonde smiling softly, as the brunette proceeded to wave a piece of cheese (not at all) enticingly in between them.
Still, Quinn didn't move to eat the offered soy cheese, much to Rachel's chagrin. She did capture her hand though, so they were joined in the middle of the island, one girl on each side.
"I want to… I want you to know how sorry I am for…" Rachel was about to jump in to assure Quinn this wasn't necessary but the almost frustrated look on Quinn's face stopped her cold, "for everything I did to you. I know I can never make up for it but I'm trying to… everyday."
The blonde seemed to be searching her face for something. Validation seemed to be the likely guess—because Rachel herself would be after that very thing right now—but for some reason, the tiny Diva was leaning more towards something else.
Quinn wanted to know that Rachel believed her, something Rachel rushed to confirm so there was no mistake. "I do, Quinn. I have faith in you and that will never stop, I promise."
The blonde was quickly stealing another kiss, a slow meeting of their lips over the island, hands joined on the cutting board between them. Quinn then pulled back, her teeth unconsciously biting the lip Rachel had just thoroughly caressed with her own.
"I can't be…" Quinn started before that look of frustration freely returned, pulling at the heartstrings of Rachel's heart mercilessly, "I can't be this in front of others, not yet. I know you want that but I can hardly handle who I am right now and I…"
The blonde looked so helpless and Rachel gently squeezed her hands before softly running her fingertips over Quinn's knuckles to try to stop their shaking. The girl was so desperately trying for her, sharing inner thoughts and feelings when Quinn's first instinct was undoubtedly to bottle them up.
Quite frankly, Rachel was just amazed that this wonderful girl was doing all this just for her.
It made her feel… like she was wanted.
And undoubtedly that realization had Rachel crying because she'd honestly thought she'd lost that feeling forever when she'd given up on Finn.
"Thank you," Rachel whispered and Quinn's wide, panicky eyes slowly started to calm into a steady mix of confusion.
But Rachel didn't bother to explain, she rounded the island in three rather frantic steps and Quinn's lips were once again hers in a frenzied haze of lips—and when she'd bit at Quinn's bottom lip—for the first time tongue.
Moans filled the kitchen for an undeterminable amount of time until an amused clearing of the throat was mixed in as off-beat background percussion. Rachel reluctantly pulled away and her auntie gave her a very exaggerated wink while Quinn's face quickly morphed into a horrified look, obviously both too scared and embarrassed to turn around.
Rachel unsurprisingly didn't have such a problem. "Yes, Auntie? Did you come for the Macaroni and Cheese because if so I regret to inform you that it has another ten minutes until it is ready to serve."
Her auntie chuckled with a fond shake of her head. "Rachie, why don't you introduce me to our guest. I assume she'll be staying for dinner, yes? Your fathers won't be arriving home until later tonight so a third person to fill the table is always a welcomed gift."
Rachel rolled her eyes. "Yes, of course. This is Quinn, Auntie and Quinn…" said girl had still not managed to turn around, so Rachel gently assisted the frozen girl in turning to face their audience, "Quinn this is my Auntie Robin."
"Hi," Quinn mumbled, managing a tiny wave that had both Berry's stifling laughter.
Though Rachel knew her auntie was already completely enamored with the blonde—the older woman's blinding smile was suitably the biggest give away—she was still curious as to the woman's motives for interrupting them when her auntie had avoided that very thing all day.
"How lovely to meet you, Quinn," thank Barbra, her auntie had managed to quell her love for the baby gays, "I hope you'll be joining us for Christmas as well. We could especially use your Belinda Carlisle glamour to distract from my brother's drunken carol singing near the mistletoe."
Rachel found herself freely nodding. "That's so very true."
"I'll think about it," Quinn said softly and her auntie seemed satisfied with the answer because she was quickly backing out of the kitchen.
"That's fine, dear," the woman smiled and finally turning to leave as she added, "I'll be back in five."
Rachel shook her head, small smile adorning her face before she found herself looking at Quinn. "I agree with her you know and not just because of my father's exceedingly low tolerance for egg nog. These past weeks of doing Christmas themed activities with you was quite enjoyable and I hope we can be together for Christmas as well."
Quinn seemed to contemplate it for only a moment before she was shyly nodding. "I'd like to spend Christmas with you too."
Rachel squealed and excitedly attacked the blonde with fury of hugs and kisses.