Hello and happy Monday! Thank you all so much for the reviews, love and support. I know say this in every chapter but I really do love you all!
I'm sorry killing Jacob but, just so you all know, it was planned for a while and hopefully this chapter will make it clearer and give you a certain understanding.
SO, for anyone who reads my other stories, I finished "Beating Hearts and Unwavering Souls on last Monday! AND, I'm going to update my Austin and Ally one real soon!
And, for those of you who celebrate thanksgiving I hope you had a good one. For those of you who didn't I hope you had a good weekend and for everyone, you should be thankful every day!
who am i really: No, because I'm like that too. We all a limit.
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Enjoy!
The weekend was fairly calm, considering everything that's happened during the week. Jack called me every day, just to check in and though he was sweet about it, I snapped at him for giving me horrible advice about Viv. Of course, he just chuckled and agreed that that may not have been the best idea as she's been ignoring him as well. The next week was the same thing. School, homework and talking to Reagan and Winny when Viviana wasn't around and I feel guilty about putting the two of them in the middle of this and having them have to go between us. I also quickly learn of Viviana's schedule and path and stayed clear of her, not wanting to have another fight.
OoOoOoOo
It's now Saturday and the day of Jacob's service. It's an eerie feeling as even though I'm unhappy, I'm slowly coming to peace with what happened, knowing he's in a better place. Jack picks me up, looking handsome in his suit and I can tell immediately that's he's a little tense. "Jack, are you okay?" I ask softly once we're in the car, reaching over to hold his hand. My touch takes Jack by surprise as he slightly jumps in his seat. "Jack, are you okay!" I repeat, now getting nervous.
"What? Oh, yeah. I'm fine," Jack brushes off, giving me a forced smile.
"Jack, I know when you're lying to me. What's going on? Is it Viv? Is it us?" I start to list us.
"What? God no. it's nothing about us or Viv. It's just, damn. I can't even say it," Jack grimaces, getting angry at himself.
I quickly remove my hand from his and let him deal with whatever's going through his head as I myself try to figure it out too. Suddenly, Jack's muttering words under his breath and taking deep breaths, trying to stay calm as after a few minutes, I feel him take my hand back and hear him whisper, "I'm so sorry Kim. I don't know what's happening. I thought I was over this, but, I guess not. This is the first service I've been to since my dad died."
Immediately I give his hand a squeeze, letting him know I'm here for him as a reply, "Oh Jack, I'm so sorry. You don't have to go if you're uncomfortable."
Silence fills the car as Jack is now leaning his forehead against the steering wheel and I'm not sure what to say. I shift in my seat, twisting to the side so my other hand can rub his shoulder. "I'm sorry Kimmy," Jack continues to repeat over and over again.
"Jack, you don't have to apologize, okay," I assure him, using my index finger to move his face so he can look at me.
He reluctantly gives in and moves his head to the side, looking at me with the blankest expression I have ever seen. "But I do," he chokes out. I'm acting like a baby right now. It's stupid and embarrassing. Here I am sulking about my dead dad when your best friend just died."
"I'm going to stop you right there. It's not stupid or embarrassing. We're all human beings and have feelings. Losing a parent and in your case, your father, is something you will never fully get over. Even after all this time. He was your father for goodness sake. He was there for you when you took your first steps. He was there for you when you're sick and afraid of the monsters in the closet. And, he played football with you like every father dreams of. He was your hero and though things were a little rough when he passed, he is still your dad and you love him. Like I said before, you don't have to come but maybe, you can finally say your peace today and see the good that was in your father," I say, leaning over to give him a quick peck on the lips.
As I lean back, Jack lets go of my hand, sits up and instantly takes my face in his hands and kisses me again. It was needy and rushed, our teeth hitting every once in a while as this kiss was different for our previous ones. It was like Jack needed this, needed me to reassure him that I was still there. That I didn't see him any differently after this and that I still loved him, even with his past still haunting him. We kiss for little bit longer until Jack mumbles, "Thank you," against my lips. "I love you."
"You're welcome. And, I love you too," I smile leaning back further to look into his eyes as I stroke his cheek with my thumb. "Are you okay now?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. And this is why I love you", Jack grins at me and smiles a real smile.
"Why? Because I can tell when you're lying to me?" I question with a raised eyebrow.
"No. Well yeah, that's true. But no. I'm love you because you're real and honest with me. You don't shy away from the truth, even if it hurts and you don't sugarcoat your answer to spare my feeling. You say all the right things and make me see the bigger picture," Jack admits.
"Well, I'm glad I can do that for you. You know you can always talk to me," I remind him, fixing his hair.
"I know. I love you Kimmy. Now, we have to get going or we'll be late," Jack smiles, grabbing my hand and kissing the back of it real quick before buckling up and starting the car.
The fifteen minute car ride was okay. Quiet but not awkward as we both had a lot on our minds. And, if we could survive today, that would be a plus in our book. The church was busy but not too crowded as Jack and I look at one another, give a wink and a nod in readiness and step out of the car. As soon as we meet up by the trunk, Jack takes my hand in his and we start to make our way to Kelly, who's just standing there, watching people pass by. "Kel!" I call out to her, waving my hand.
"Kim!" She yells back with relief, weaving through the crowd to get to me. "Thank god you're here."
"Why? What's going on?" I question anxiously.
"Nothing really. I just don't know anyone here. And, I'm a little uncomfortable with people staring at me. But, it's whatever. Hi Jack," Kelly smiles.
"Hey Kelly," Jack responds with a nod.
"So, are you ready?" Kelly asks me with nervousness in her voice.
"No. But, I can't back down now," I mumble, giving her a small smile.
"Girl, I'm so with you on that," Kelly agree with a wink as we take deep breaths before entering.
We find an empty row in the center of the church as Kelly slides in first, me next and Jack following. We smile politely at the guests that walk by as I can't we're really here and that this is actually real. "So, how are you two doing?" Kelly wonders curiously, looking between Jack and me, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"We're good. Great actually," I grin happily.
"I'm glad. You two are so cute together," Kelly giggles.
"Thank you. At least most of my friends think so," I mutter.
"She's still not talking to you?" Kelly probes.
"Nope. Not to me or Jack. She's really angry," I retort before the priest comes walking down the aisle and makes his way to the podium.
The room goes silent and you could hear the soft cries and whimpers from Jacob's family in the front rows. The priest greets us and starts talking about how we lost a great human being. Someone who was loved. And, someone who will be terribly missed. He talks about a life cut too short and reminds us that we need to love instead of hate. Accept at our own doing and time, but know that Jacob had a bigger calling. That his death will not be in vain as his memory will always be with us and live on in our hearts. He talks about how Jacob had an impact on all our lives and how we're better people from knowing him.
As everything's being said, it's like my brain is a sponge and taking this all in. This is my acceptance and though I know some people won't believe it, there's a certain reality and genuineness behind the message. They may think they are just words that sound compassionate, profound and that will somehow bring comfort to you at the moment. Then tomorrow, when you wake up, you'll still have that empty feeling in your heart and you'll wonder where the hope is. I know, trust me on that. But you see, that's where the truth come in and shines the brightest. It may not make sense at the time but sitting there, feeling sad only show that you care, even a little bit and in time, the pain will lessen.
I look to my left to see Kelly, her eyes glossy and trying to keep it together. And then, I look to my right to see Jack listening intently. His eyes focused on the priest and right then, I know he'll be okay. The priest then takes a step back to welcome Jacob's cousin to the podium to read a few words from the family and to share some memories of the two of them. He talks about growing up with Jacob and loved that they were close in age, only a year apart and always getting into to trouble. That they were partners in crime and best friends. He touched upon how Jacob was a great listener, not judgmental and had big dreams.
From his aunts and uncles, Jacob was caring and never minded hanging out with the family. He brought laughter and smiles to their faces and never missed out on adventures, no matter how crazy they were. But most importantly, he loved his family more than you could ever imagine. And from his parents, it was simple. Jacob was their angel then and their angel now. He brought them so much joy, love and now, he finally has his wings.
Next up was Kelly, her and I speaking on behalf of his friends. Her speech was simple but sweet. Never veering away from the fact that Jacob was our best friend, brother and best person we knew. How you could never find someone like Jacob and though he's gone, we'll always be watching over us with his 'Jacob' guidance and wisdom.
Once she finishes, tears are running down her cheek which causes me to cry as well. We hug as we pass one another in the aisle and once I'm at the podium, I see way too many pairs of eyes staring up at me. I could feel my knees start to shake and my palms starting to sweat and I knew that this was going to be bad. My eyes quickly find Jack and Kelly, both give me reassuring smiles with Kelly giving me a nod, silently telling me I got this and Jack, who sent me winking as it was our thing.
I take another deep breath and slowly start my speech, hoping for the best. "Hi, I'm Kim. I'm another friend of Jacob's and not really good with talking in front of crowds so, I apologize and please, bear with me. As Kelly already mentioned, the three of us met in support group and have been best friends ever since. Jacob was the social butterfly, talking to anyone and friends with practically everyone. I remember the first meeting I went to and I was so mean. Kelly can vouch for that. I didn't want to be there with people I didn't know and talk about something I considered personal. But Jacob, he kept urging me to open up. 'Just talk a little bit. We all understand what you're going through. It'll make you feel better, trust me,' he said with a smile. So finally, after a few weeks, I did. I told my story to a group of strangers, but the smile I got in return from Jacob was the greatest feeling I have ever felt. It was like he was proud of me and he didn't even know me. He was a stranger to me but to him, we were all connected by a common thread and on that day, I pushed myself to take a chance and befriend him. Which, was the best decision of my life. He not only became a friend, he became a brother to me. He was someone I could talk to. Someone who made me and everyone else smile and laugh. We saw each other in the highs and lows of life and though this is a sad time, he fought so hard and I couldn't be more honored to have known him and call him family," I whisper softly at the end as I walk back to my seat.
The priest takes his spot back at the podium and finishes the service with a scripture that fits Jacob perfectly. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid."-John 14:27.
Everyone stands and starts to line up to give the family condolences and once we go through the line, Kelly and I run into Ava as Jack continues walking to the door. I watch him disappear through the small door opening and as much as I want to follow him, I know he needs to be alone. Ava, Kelly and I catch up for a few minutes before more people come over and join in the conversation.
We end up talking for close to twenty minutes when we realize most people have left. We follow the last few stragglers out to see everyone outside, talking with one another and the family as I know Jacob would be happy with the turnout. As I look around at the crowd, I see Jack in the parking lot, staring up at the sky. I quickly whisper, "I'll be right back," to Kelly who's talking to Nicole and start making my way to Jack. My speed increases as I get closer, curiosity building as I'm exactly sure how to approach.
I stop a few cars away to hear nothing so I take a chance and assume he's done talking as I slowly walk over to his right side, gently reaching out to touch his shoulder. My touch makes him jump and look down at me as I guiltily smile. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt," I murmur, looking down at my feet.
"Its fine," Jack smiles back, lifting my chin up to look at him, "I'm glad you're here," as he leans down to give me a soft kiss.
Once we separate, Jack reaches for my hand and pulls me closer, quickly setting my in front of him as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and gently rests his chin on the top of my head. No words are spoken as we just enjoy the moment in each other's embrace before Jack kisses my temple and whispers," Thank you," in my ear.
"For what?" I question, looking up at him as I've heard that phrase a lot recently.
"For everything. I finally talked to him and today was exactly what I needed," Jack replies, his tone light and content.
"I'm glad. And, I'm proud of you," I praise, leaning up to kiss his check.
"You're proud of me?" Jack echoes. "Why?"
"Because it takes a real man to accept his downfalls and change them. And you, you did that. All it took was a little push and listening to similar situations but, you're finally letting the past go," I express.
"Yeah I am. And, I have to admit, it feels good," Jack beams. "But, I also let the past go because I realize I have a future that's just as important."
"I knew it would," I giggle. "And, you're speaking like a true champion now."
"Okay, now you're pushing it," Jack chuckles, pecking my lips to shut me up.
After a few more pecks, we make our way back to the front of the church where everyone is still gathered. I instantly spot Kelly but then see three other people and immediately stop, causing Jack to run into me. "Ow, Kim," he grumbles, wrapping an arm around my waist to keep from falling. "What's wrong?"
"Viv," was all I muttered before I feel his hand tighten even more around my waist.
"Are you okay?" Jack asks tenderly.
"Yeah, I'm fine. We have to face the music some time, right?" I remark as calmly as possible, not wanting my emotions to act up. "Let's just get this over with," as I start walking and pulling Jack towards the group.
Reagan sees me first and gives me a subtle smile as I smile back, getting closer and closer to the group. Once we make it, Jack lets go off my hand and I stand in between Kelly and Winny with Jack standing behind me. "Winny, Reagan, I'm happy to see you guys. Thanks for being here," I grin, hugging them. "Viviana," I civilly nod.
"Kimberly," she retorts before focusing on her brother. "Jackson, I'm surprised to see you here."
"Viv. And, why's that?" Jack inquires, with a raised eyebrow.
"No reason. It's just, it's been a while since you've been in a church, right?" Viviana causally mentions.
"Don't push me Viv," Jack warns in a low, deep voice. "I can say the same for you."
"Touché," Viviana agrees. "But, at least I can say that I got over it."
"Viv, don't," I jump in, knowing that Brewer against Brewer is only trouble.
"Ooh, she speaks," Viviana taunts. "And she fights back, impressive."
"Kim, I got this," Jack whispers in my ear as he steps farther into the circle, glaring at his sister. "Yeah, good for you. But news flash, so did I," he answers with fire in his eyes.
"No, you didn't. You pretended everything was fine and then became 'the man' of the house. I knew you weren't okay because you were still angry," Viviana fires back.
You could literally feel the tension between the two of them. "Because I had to be," Jack finally heels, drawing attention to our group.
"That a bunch of bull-crap. You changed and you know it," Viviana hisses in a low voice.
"You're right, I did change. I wasn't a little boy anymore because I couldn't be. You were sick and mom was a mess. I didn't have the time, nor did I want to grieve over the man who left us when we needed him the most. I had to be the sane and logical one to keep the family going. I was one who kept on top of your medication. I was the one who reminded mom to take you to your doctor's appointment and I was the one who checked on you in the middle of the night to make sure you were okay. And maybe, I was angry because you still had mom and I just lost the guy I looked up to the most. Dad was supposed to teach me all the things about life, girls and sports. He was supposed to tease me about my first date and threaten all your boyfriends. He was supposed to be there when things got hard and overwhelming. But instead, a ten-year-old left his childhood behind and grew up in. So, the next time you want to point out and complain about how much I've changed, remember why I changed. And, while we're on the topic of changing, you changed too. I mean, I know you were never one for romantic stuff but, I thought you'd at least be thrilled that your brother found someone he loves. I know it's weird and cliché that I fell in love with your best friend, but you can't choose who you love. I love Kim, I truly do. She's one of the best people I know. She's real, honest and beyond caring. She's opened my eyes to see past the bitterness and anger. To show me that the past doesn't define your future. That we have a chance to change our lives if we tried. And most importantly, I'm happy. I haven't felt this way in years. So now, it's up to you. You can either accept this and have your brother and best friend back or, you can continue to hate us and potential lose us. It's your choice," Jack finishes, grabbing my hand as we walk away with our heads held high.
We get the car as Jack exhales a deep, long breath. "Holy sh-did that just happen?" He asks me with a perplexed expression.
"Yep, it did," I nod. "And, I'm so proud of you," leaning over to kiss his cheek.
"I can't believe I just did and said all that," Jack mumbles.
"Me neither. How do you feel?" I wonder curiously.
"Honestly, I don't know yet," Jack sighs. "But hey, at least Viv was right on one thing. I have changed. And, I'm okay with that."
"I'm glad to know that," I smile, kissing him again on the cheek as silken takes over.
The drive was quiet and used for gathering all our thoughts about everything's that going on in our crazy lives. Jack pulls in front of my house and turns off the car, turning his head to look out the window before he randomly asks, "Do you think she hates me?"
"What?" I question back, refocusing on the new conversation.
"Do you think she hates me?" Jack repeats, turning his head back around to look me right in the eyes.
"Viv? No," I quickly assure him. "I mean I know she's probably really mad at you. But, she had to hear it. She needed to hear the truth from someone she trusts. The truth hurts but, it also sets you free. At the end of the day, you're still her big brother and she loves you. She just needs time."
"I hope so," Jack murmurs, looking at the roof of his car.
"Me too Jack, me too," I sigh. "Do you want to come in?"
"Yeah, thank," Jack answers, giving me a small smile.
We exit the car and make our way inside only to be greeted by an empty house. We walk up the stairs to my bedroom as I immediately take off my heels and Jack takes of his jacket, laying it on my desk chair. He takes a seat on my bed, me following right behind him as I throw my legs over his and lean my head on his shoulder with him wrapping an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer. Jack starts playing with my hair as it's quite comforting and I'm savoring these simple moments. "Thank you for coming with today," I whisper into his chest a few minutes later.
"Of course. I'll always be here for you. And, thank you too. I love you," Jack replies, kissing my head.
"I love you too," I respond with a happy sigh before we fall asleep in each other's arms.
OoOoOoOo
I don't know how long we were asleep for, but the light tapping in my forearm and faint sound of my name being called brings me out of my slumber. I slowly open my eyes to see Viviana standing right there in jeans and a t-shirt. "Viv?" I mutter, rubbing my eyes and shifting from my current positon to get a better look.
"Hey Kim, I'm, um, sorry to wake you but can the three of us talk?" she probes nervously.
"It's fine and yeah, sure," I nod, sitting up and lightly shaking Jack.
Almost instantly he jerks up and shouts, "Wha-what?" looking around the room before spotting his sister. "Viv?"
"Hey Jack," Viviana greets softly.
"What are you doing here?" Jack inquires rudely.
"I'm here to talk to the two of you and apologize," Viviana retorts biting her lip.
"So talk," Jack pushes with a blank expression.
"Jack," I warn him with a raised eyebrow and then focus on Viv and giving her a reassuring smile, "It's fine Viv. Take your time."
The room goes silent for a few minutes as Jack is eyeing Viviana who is looking out my window. "I'm sorry for fighting with you earlier Jack. I'm sorry for being such a bitch towards you Kim. And, I'm sorry for not supporting you guys. You have to know that of course I'm happy for the two of you. Not many people can say that they like their brother's girlfriend instantly," Viviana chuckles, trying to lighten the mood. "I guess I was maybe a little jealous and scared of the whole situation. I felt like I was not only losing my best friend to my brother of all people, but I was also worried about what would happen if things didn't work out and I had to choose between the two of you. I know that that sounds super pessimistic but I couldn't help it. I care about the both of you but it was a lot to take in. But, seeing the two of you together, like really together, made me realize that maybe I was wrong. I've never seen Jack so happy or you Kim, so glowing and confident. The two of you balance each other out and I'm really glad that you guys have one another. I only want the best for you two and I'll be one your side from here on out. I'm sorry for everything and I hope we can start over?"
Jack and I share a look before I jump off my bed and embrace Viviana in a hug. "Of course we forgive you. We're sorry we didn't tell you sooner and we promise, from this day forward, no more secrets," I promise.
"It's fine, really. I overreacted and what's done is done. We're moving on and I like the sound of that," Viviana smiles, hugging me one last time before moving on to hug Jack quickly and adding," I really am sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean it and I forgot that you were the glue that held us together. You have to know how grateful I am for everything you did for me."
"I know you didn't mean it and I know you're sorry. I am too. We both, just have some issues we're working out. And trust me, I know," Jack winks, hugging Viv tenderly.
"Well, I'll, um, show myself out. Kim, I'll see you tomorrow. Jackass, I'm sure you'll stop by the house sometime and one final thing. Can the two of you keep the PDA to a minimum?" Viviana wonders.
"No promises," Jack laughs as Viv flips him off and exits my room. "Well, I'm glad things are back to normal now", grinning happily as he kisses my temple and wraps his arms around my waist.
"Yeah, me too," I smile, loving the familiar feeling and knowing that things are going to be just fine.
And, there you go folks. Please R&R and let me know what you think.
Please, let's try for 285-290 before the next chapter.
Thanks and until next time,
Missy xx