Don't be afraid of a little bit of pain…Pleasure is on the other side.
She did not say it back.
She did not say the words I love you and she certainly did not cry tears at night for not doing so. There had been a voice that told her inner self of how much she would suffer if she crossed that line. How long before he left his wife? How long before they became a couple? And how much longer before they got fed up with each other. There could only be magic when reality was the norm. That attraction between her and John operated because it was forbidden, dangerous and incontrollable. Being with him, out in the daylight would make that bond disappear, wither with time and finally die.
"You and me have something special John. It would ruin us to be… normal."
She told him, and then left the room. Gage ignored if she was right, but she knew she and John needed some time apart; at least for now. She did not sob all night, or on the plane that took her back to Florida, or on the morning of the week then the month that followed. She silenced her memories of John with new ones of different people. She buried herself under a pile of work, and exhibitions, networking with new associates who were interested in her work and what not. She had started exercising regularly and went on an evening jog daily and did yoga in the morning. She also made regular phone calls to doctor Feldman in Philadelphia.
"Mathew, but you can call me Matt." He told her. Matt was a rather nice fellow, he helped her get her shit together a step at the time, and honestly life did not feel completely miserable without John. Except at night may be; nighttime was the worst. It felt like recovering from cocaine, but there was no rehab for that kind of craving. Masturbation helped a little…just a little.
It was Sunday morning, and six months had gone by without seeing John, not on TV, not on picture, and not in text. Gage carried on with her life, she remained an early bird; at seven o'clock, she had installed her mat on her balcony and began her yoga session. The sun was almost rising, sky was still pale blue with orange hues; and the atmosphere was cool. She bent forward, her head reaching her thighs and remained in that position for a few seconds, the blood rushed to her head and her face reddened.
"There's quite a view from here."
She panicked and spun around quickly. Her heart dropped so hard in her stomach she almost heard a sound. Words did not come quick enough, her heart pumped too fast.
"You should lock your doors Gage. Some day, someone will really break in." he said making a step towards. "Someone with bad intentions."
Another step.
"They might harm you."
"John? Hi, how-"
"I'm good thanks." He said. He said it like automation, but he looked different. He wore his usual black cotton-jogging ensemble with a black muscle tank.
"You look great!" he said, but his voice had nothing exciting in it.
"Thanks! It's the yoga. I'll do something about those doors, but you know old habits…'
"…Die hard." He finished and smirked a little as he said it. He did not look too good; he looked awful actually, very tired. He had dark circles under his eyes, pale and a little ill.
"What are you doing here?" she asked as he moved around her balcony.
"I don't know."
"Would you like some hot chocolate?"
"No, thank you."
"Some tea then?"
"NO!" he hissed. "I don't want anything, nothing from you."
She looked at him. He seemed distant, like he was lost. He did not stop moving around, touching the flowers in the pots, the table, the rail…He looked angry, desperate. She cleared her throat and concluded that playing nice would not take her anywhere, it never did.
"I'm hurting too John. But-'
"I wanted to kill you." He picked a rose, and smashed it in his hands. "If I could get away with it, I would kill you Gage."
"Okay. How would you do it?"
"I've thought about it. I would make it look like a suicide. I would come up to your room, I would…fuck you one last time then…I'd kill you."
"Sounds like a plan."
"Yeah. But I'd do it nicely, I wouldn't strangle you…I know you would like that." He smirked.
"You know me well."
"I do baby. I'd put you in the bathing tub, and make long cuts along your forearm, not across then lay you down in the water, in that white dress you wore the first time we met."
His words sent cold shivers down her back. She blinked.
"And I would be gone, and you could pretend I never existed, and you would live that boring life of yours." She snarled.
"Yeah." He approached her, and stood over her. Her face was close to his chest; her hands fell flat along her body. Her arms itched for him as they battled with gravity.
"Go home John." She said turning away, shacking her head.
"How could you do this to me Gigi? How could you fucking leave me like that!?" he hissed, grabbing her both arms.
"I'm not your Mama John! I do whatever the fuck I wanna do."
"No you don't! You don't fucking play me and then leave me when you're done! I'm not your fucking puppet! You begged for this! You trapped me and now you think I'll let you fucking leave like that?" he hissed loudly, pinning her to the wall.
"You're letting your emotions take over John. Calm down." She said calmly. His strong arms held hers with full force, and his fingers dug into her skin. Five minutes into seeing John again, she had brand new bruises to cover the past ones.
"DON'T! Don't you tell me what to do! I told you I fucking loved you! Look what you fucking did to me?"
"Find yourself another side chick John. It mustn't be too hard."
"Don't even pretend like it was ever only that between us." He said calmly, releasing his grip on her arms.
"This is so funny. You came into my life, asking for one thing, and here I am, giving up everything else for you and yet… I think you will never trust me, despite everything I do."
"Don't take it personally."
"I do." John leaned towards her, but she turned her head sideways. His lips touched her forehead. His face collapsed in her hair, he smelled her hair and her skin. Gage closed her eyes, goose bumps spread all over her skin, and let the memories rush back to her for the first time. His arms, his warmth, his scent, it was awful how she missed them all.
"Stop!" she hissed, breaking out of his grip. "I told you to…stop."
They remained silent for a moment. She stared at everything surrounding them, except him; the green leaves that crawled up the stone walls, the white barricade, the distant view of John's home. They all seemed to disappear from time to time, as though they were temporary. John makes everything look temporary.
"Someone found out about us."
Gage stopped breathing.
"A reporter for some gossip magazine. He tried to blackmail me, with a taped conversation between me and Randy."
"Wh-at?" she gasped. "Jesus Christ…Fuck!" She swore. She turned around quickly, and put her hand in her hair. "John…but…how? When? We were careful!"
"Las Vegas."
"FUCK!" she cried. Gage's eyes watered, her circulation slowed down, as her face got pale. This couldn't be, it wasn't fair, this couldn't be happening to John, not him of all people. The world crumbled all of a sudden, and her mistakes dawned on her suddenly. A pain grew in the pit of her stomach; guilt. She should have never left John.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry John! What…did you do? Does Liz know? And your work?"
"She moved out to her sister's for a while. She said she'd file for divorce, but I doubt she will."
"Why not?"
"She signed a prenup."
"John, I'm -'
"I made sure your name wasn't out there. Everyone is searching for a Heather Fields. They didn't even have a picture. I convinced everyone it's all just rumors. They know me, I'd never cheat on my wife."
John knelt next to her on the cold tile, his elbows on his knees. He breathed steadily, his chest barely rising. She looked closer at him; he looked sore and lifeless, and it was all her fault. For the first time in years of doing what she did, she realized she had sucked the life out of him, taken away every fiber of his being, and swallowed all his essence.
"I'm sorry…" Gage took his hand and brought it closer to her mouth. She began to trail kisses over them, slowly rubbing it against her face. "Why didn't you call me? I could have helped."
"How? All I could do was keep you out of this until it died down."
"But-'
"I couldn't bring you into this…"
"Plus…you'd broke my heart." He turned his face to hers immediately, and grabbed her with the hand she was kissing.
"You walk out on me." He breathed, inhaling a guttural breath as if the pain still stung at the memory.
"I had to do it…for; me."
"Are you fucking someone?" he snapped. She paused for a moment, wondering why he would think that. He seemed not to realize the pain she had been through being away from him. Why couldn't John see?
"Jaworski?"
"I-I…no." she breathed then sighed. "No one." She saw his eyes soften, as he believed her. He loosened his grip on her hand for the tenth time that morning and looked down at her. He devoured her with his eyes, like a lion, stalking a helpless deer.
"Do you miss me." It was not a question; it was the answer.
"Terribly." She breathed weakly. John grabbed her sides again, with more gentleness than before, and brought her in, so his face was in her neck. Gage shivered, and tried to steer away, but he kept her in place.
"Why do you keep trying?" he murmured softly.
"I don't know."
"You used to want this so much."
"I still do."
"What's changed then?"
"Me. You."
"How? The Gage I know isn't afraid when I touch her."
"I don't want to feel you anymore, because I know it'll be awful when you leave. I don't like your touch John, the way you fuck me…" she gasped. "You own me, completely."
"If I owned you, you would have never left me." He smiled. "No one owns you Gigi, you are like the wind. You're like smoke, no one owns you."
"Don't tell me that's why you love me. Please."
"I won't. I just fucking love you." He held her chin, so he stared into her eyes. "You are not a fantasy, or an image, or an idea. You are not the perfect woman, nor the opposite; you are Gage Jansen, free, strong, and master of her fucking life. You are everything, and nothing… I get it now. You brought darkness into my life Gigi and I don't ever want to come out of it. Remember the fire you painted the first time we kissed? You said you couldn't paint something you couldn't feel. Now I feel the fire Gage. I feel it."
"God John…" she closed her eyes. At the sound of his words, her body sprung back from its long slumber. Her skin heated, her cunt lubricated, her heart pumped twice faster; her nipples sprout out and steered against her spandex bra.
"Come here." She hissed heatedly, cupping his face. Their mouths collided in a tender shock, making sparks fly in both bodies. John kissed her mouth intensely, not wasting a minute; wrapping a hand around her waist, he grabbed her right thigh and placed it at his hip. She now sat astride him, grinding on his lap. He looked down at her breasts, trapped in her sports bra and lined circles around her nipples. With his teeth, he bit on it teasingly.
"Argh!" she winced in both pain and pleasure. Her nails dug into his neck unconsciously.
"Take it off!" she urged John, tugging on the hem of his t-shirt, but it took too long, and she wanted nothing to take John's mouth off its current duty. She grabbed both ends from his neck, and tore the material apart. She heard him chuckle lightly, as he abruptly carried her towards the door. Their mouths did not leave each other's until John threw her onto the bed. His nude chest heaved now, and on his pants was outlined his hardened cock.
"Strip." He ordered as he stood over her. She executed herself and rushed to kick her shoes off. "Slowly." He added.
"Alright." She smiled tentatively. John's burning gaze made her desire increase a ten fold. She raised her hips off the bed and seductively pulled up her black leggings up her sculpted legs. She rediscovered the effect she had on him, as his breathing become more rugged, and coarse. His hand came down to stroke his stiff member from outside his pants. She continued to strip as he took off his own clothes and stroked his cock; he'd never done that before, and she was slightly shocked yet immensely turned on by the erotic view of him pleasuring himself.
"Do you do that while you think of me Johnny?"
"Every fucking night." He confessed as his voice strangled a groan.
"I touch myself too, when I think of you."
He looked down at her, his cock in his hand, long and hard pointed straight at her like a dagger. She was left with lacy red thongs only, so he kneeled onto the bed.
"I'll take care of that." He said as he grabbed her foot. He held her right leg by her ankles, and left wet kisses on the inside trailing his way up. Her breath sped the closer he got to her cunt. His touch was merciless; his other hand caressed her other leg. He reached her inner thigh, his face dangerously close to her cunt and began to trail kisses on both thighs while his hand drew circles at the back of her leg. He abruptly grabbed her thong and snatched it from her wet flesh, and Gage jumped in surprise, but his fingers gently rubbed the dampened flesh.
"God…You did miss me." He said in awe. His fingers glided up and down her lips before stopping occasionally running half circles on her clitoris. He slipped a finger inside her wet core and her back arched in response.
"Oww!" Gage moaned. His tongue ran up and down her cunt while he fingerfucked her faster. The simultaneous actions, made her whole body tremble torturously. John then slid a second finger inside her.
"Argh! Fuck!" She grunted between her teeth. John tongue lapped her clitoris vigorously while his fingers kept moving faster and faster. She threw her leg over John's shoulder and grabbed the sheets for support while the room began to spin in front of her eyes. Drunk off pleasure, her resurrection would be sudden and colossal.
"Good girl." John snarled between her legs. He knew she was close to the edge; he had taken her so many times before, he knew how to throw her off the cliff. John then used his left hand's fingertips to gently thump her cunt.
"GOD!"
"Is that how you like it?" he murmured while he continued to blow her cunt. "Tell me!" he hissed louder.
"Yeah! Fuck!" she screamed. Her inner thighs began to tremor compulsively, and out of control. John doubled the intensity of his actions, his fingers moving and lashing faster. He looked up and saw her stomach tremble and her knuckles turn white as she gripped the sheets while she swore.
"Oh John! Fuck me!"
He stopped, taking his fingers out of her moist cunt as he turned her over like a sheet of paper. She moaned in deception as the ache in her body calmed before starting again. She got on all fours with her hands resting on the bedhead, arching her back in an invitation. John put a hand in the base of her back to bend her over so her hands were on the bed and she was completely on all fours.
He thrusted deep into her, making his body freeze. He stayed still for a second, enjoying the quiver of sensual delight and the voluptuousness of Gage's wet cunt. John closed his eyes and exhaled a slow and long breath to focus back on the woman bent before him; her fiery red hair, and her porcelain skin. She was a dream come true…all of her; and she deserved to feel the most intense, devastating, mind-numbing, and brain-draining orgasm of all.
"John?" she breathed, throwing her hair back. "I don't know if you've noticed, but it's kind of the wrong time to be daydreaming." She chuckled. John grabbed her waist and lifted her upper body so his chest was in her back. Gage turned her head to the side, holding his neck for support. He held her neck as well, and kissed her heatedly; John grunted as she began to move her hips back and forth. He hardened while inside her as they kissed; he lifted his hand to her chest and fondled both nipples while he began to move his own hips.
Her needy nipples were particularly sensitive and tensed. He presumed they hadn't had any attention in a long time. She moaned in his mouth, biting his lower lip in thanks as theirs mouth parted slowly. He picked up pace, holding her still by her waist and Gage let go of his neck to bend over on all fours again. Her position was perfect and gave him enough room to fill her completely with deep, thorough thrusts.
The sun began to fully rise outside, and noises of cars down the street began to fill the air. But in the room, they could only hear their moans and groans while they fucked. John's nails dug into her waist, as he maneuvered his cock inside her still humid, and still needy cunt. She grabbed the bedhead in despair, as the whole bed shook.
"Oh John! Fuck!"
"It's me baby." He grunted, bending down to kiss her back. His left hand then snaked up her back until it reached her neck. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked it backwards. She lifted slightly, putting her hands on the bedhead once again, as John's chest collided with hers again. His head was besides hers but quickly sunk in her neck, before he bit her shoulder.
"You still like it rough..." She moaned, holding herself sturdily to the bedding.
"Only with you."
"Fuck me rough then." She said, as she rested her head on his shoulder. He turned his side and kissed her ear, his hot breath sending chills down her body while his teeth tugging her earlobe. He thrusted faster again this time he sending a hand between her legs; his fingers kindled her clitoris. She threw her head forward, and arched her back to surrender to the sensation. John then purposefully thrusted faster and faster, knowing both actions would get her off.
"Oh my…"
Her held her still as she fought the sensation. He moved faster and faster, pounding harder every time; driving out his own pleasure from hers. His body tensed, and he grunted feeling himself fall into the spiral of delight. He buried his face into her hair and groaned loudly.
"Fuck...You're so good baby!" Out of control, he lifted his other hand and spanked her cheek.
"Oh God! John!" she screamed loudly. Loud enough to wake up the rest of the neighborhood, but they could really careless. John felt the quiver as she tightened around him, and thus decided to repeat the action. He spanked her harder this time, his palm leaving a red spot on her pale skin. She began to convulse violently, and her body shook out of rhythm; breaking the harmony between their bodies.
"F…Fuck! Oh…Ye-yes!" Gage stuttered mindlessly while she continued to move. He continued to stroke her while she climaxed, not allowing a crumb of the pleasure escape her body. He came quickly afterwards, the quake of her body dragging his into orgasm. He groaned into her neck, biting it harder, and grunted loudly. They remained still for a second, her back enclosed by his chest and arms.
"J-John…" she murmured between each breath. She put her arm around his neck, and he turned to her, his blue eyes lost and dizzy.
"I-I…I love you."
"I know." He replied. He slipped out from her, and turned her around so she was laying on her back while he rested his weight on one elbow and lay over her.
"Then why all the fuss?" she looked away in disbelief, but John put his hand at the base of her neck.
"Now you can't deny it." He paused. "And I really wanted to be sure I wasn't just seeing things."
"You weren't?" she smiled.
"It's been hell Gage."
"I can tell." She cupped his face, and brought it to hers and kissed his forehead.
"I can't live like this."
"Like how?"
"Liz, you. You, Liz. It's been six months that I feel I've been living someone else's life. I'm done. I want rough sex with you, or lay naked in bed while you paint. Just get a fucking break."
"It sounds more like am vacation resort rather than the love of your life." She chuckled.
"I'm serious." He said sternly. "I'm where am supposed to be here. I just needed to find out something before I untied the knot." He paused.
"I want to be with you, stand in the light for a little bit and see how things work out, nothing too official but you know…"
"A relationship?"
"M-yeah?" he smiled for the first time that morning. She had tensed at first, but when he smiled, all his teeth showing and baby blue eyes shimmering, her body relaxed.
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
A/N
Hey beautiful people, thank you so much for my old subscribers, yes I'm talking about #Therealchamps for showing so much love, thank you!
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This story is not over yet; I hope you enjoy this chapter. Xx MJ11